#any bad thoughts had after 9pm don't count

[queerstudiesnatural]

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[themultifandomgal]

Arthur Shelby- Stabbing

Warnings: mentions of reader stabbing someone, blood and also anxiety attack ⚠️

The Shelby siblings and YN were always extremely close. Especially Ada, as she and YN were the same age. They went to school together, and from a young age YN knew she thought differently to her friend. She'd always worry over the smallest things. As she got older it seemed to get worse. The first time she couldn't breathe after worrying, she was taken to a priest because her parents thought she was possessed by the devil. When that didn't work they tried to send her to an asylum for shock therapy, but thankfully the Shelby brothers stoped them before they could. When she and Arthur started dating YN was always scared that he would leave her for someone else, in which Ada always had to remind YN that she was just over thinking as usual. But when Arthur was enlisted to go to war with his 2 other brothers things went from bad to terrible in the space of days. Polly took her in and after seeing these episodes first hand she brought in a doctor, who diagnosed her with nerve weakness. Things got a little better after the war, but Arthur still noticed that YN would sneak off to have one of these episodes.

I'm in the betting shop with Ada and Polly counting the money after the door closed from the gross men we had to deal with earlier. Unfortunately rude comments and gross remarks are just part of the job and with Tommy making me run around doing errands for him, I'm exhausted. The heat from the shop also getting to me, so it's not surprise when my hands begin to shake as I'm trying to write down how much money we made today

"YN" Tommy calls for me from his office. As quickly as possible I make my way over to him

"What's up?" I ask

"Can you run to the Garrison, tell Harry that tonight I've got a meeting. 9pm"

"Sure" I try to hid the strain in my voice and give Tommy a smile, but he frown looking at me

"You alright?" I nod my head quickly and turn on my heel to walk out.

I finally make it to the Garrison and walk over to bar

"Hello YN what can I do for you"

"Hi Harry. Just popping in to let you know that Tommy said he has meeting tonight at 9" I rub my hands together nervously

"You ok?" he frowns. I hum and nod my head "you sure?"

"Yeah I'm fine" I fake a smile "just been a long day"

"Do you want a drink?"

"No thank you Harry. Just gonna head back to the betting shop, grab my things and go home"

"Take care YN"

"Thanks you too" I walk out of the garrison and start my short journey back home when I bump into someone "sorry, I wasn't paying attention" I say looking at the man I just bumped into

"Look what we have here. The wannabe Shelby wife" I sigh trying to push past the man "ah ah ah where do you think your going"

"Look I'm really not in the mood, just let me go" I grumble as I once again try to get past the man, but he grabs my wrist

"Arthur Shelby not satisfying your needs"

"I suggest you let me go"

"Or else what. I don't see any Blinders here to save you" the man pushes me against the wall. I begin to struggle while panicking. If I could just get the blade I have stored in my boot. Thankfully a noise spooks the man and I can reach down to my boot. I pull out the knife and stab the man in the shoulder, he lets go of me and I run back to the betting shop.

Out of breath I slam the door shut and lean my hands on my knees as I bend down panting

"YN?" I hear Tommy question. I look up and see him frowning at me "why is there blood on your hands and clothes" I finally look at my hands, and indeed there is blood

"Oh god" my hands begin to shake more than they were before

"What happened?" Tommy walks slowly towards me

"I think I killed someone" my breathing picks up

"Tom what's going on?" John asks looking between the two of us

"YN tell me exactly what happened. John go and get Arthur"

"There was this man. Tommy I think he's dead"

"Ok calm down. I can't help unless you tell me exactly what happened"

"I need to wash my hands"

"Ok we can wash your hands first then we will sit down and talk. Michael" Tommy shouts making me jump "get us some whiskey. She's gonna need it" he sighs. Just as we are about to walk to the bathroom to wash my hands the door to the shop opens revealing Arthur with John next to him. As soon as I see him the tears I have been trying to hold back start to fall. Arthur notices the blood on me and quickly walks over

"What the fuck happened Tom?"

"I don't know. She just keeps saying she killed someone" Arthur envelopes me in a hug and I cry even harder

"Shhh it's ok love. Everything's ok. Let's go and clean you up eh?"

Once I'm cleaned up I cradle a whiskey in my hands, still struggling to focus on my breathing. Arthur sits next to me rubbing my back in a comforting way after learning this is the best way to calm me down

"You ready to talk to us?" Tommy asks me. I look at Arthur and take in as deep a breath as I can

"I was walking back from the garrison. There was this man. He pushed me against a wall. I had my knife, so I stabbed him. His shoulder" I look down at my dress "my dress is ruined" I sigh

"Love, you won't have killed him if it was his shoulder. Hurt him yeah, but not killed him and I'll buy you a new dress"

"At least he knows to leave the Shelby woman alone now" Michael comments

"Michael and John you go find the bloke bring him back here"

"Im sorry, I've made a mess"

"Don't ever apologise for protecting yourself eh? Arthur take her home. I'll deal with this" Arthur helps me up and takes me home, staying the night with me.

[itoshit]

Time slowly went by, days turning to nights. And nights turning to days. That day, when I left Vee, I didn't think it would have been the last time I saw her. But she left. My men found her quickly of course, some even offered me to bring her back to me. But the whole point was to not be in contact anymore. I refused to see any picture of her, to see what she was up to. Ran's reports were enough for me. My heart was hurting me, especially when I learnt the existence of her friend, Darren. I was in the private room of one of our clubs, and Ran showed me a picture of them together. She seemed happy, healthy. And I was glad to be out of her life at that moment because honestly, I shattered everything and everyone that I touched.

It was not too long after I cut our strings. I remember that night vividly because that was my very first step to hell. Drinking to forget what I saw, I apparently passed out. Sanzu was the one bringing me back home. My place didn't look good anymore, but I didn't care. No one would stay here except me anyway. I wasn't even sleeping in my bed anymore, not that I was sleeping in the first place. But I couldn't do it. Too hard. Her scent lingered everywhere in my room, in her room. The small amount of sleep that I had was spent on my couch. Christmas went by too, and nothing happened. Her coat and the concert ticket were left untouched in my bedroom, in a random drawer. That evening, I stayed alone in my apartment, trying to imagine what it would have been with Vee around. We would have probably been drinking and laughing, making out on my couch. I'm sure she would have wanted me to buy a Christmas tree, and we would have decorated it together. And the night would have finished somewhere in my apartment, both naked and drowning in each other's touch.

Six months have passed. I tried so hard to forget her face with the many girls trying to get into my pants. I tried so, so hard. But I've never been able to touch someone else. Vee was like a drug, and I was experiencing it. But I was so content for her, she looked like she was finally balancing everything in her life, and she was probably grateful for that. She probably didn't want me back in her life, and I would never dare to enter hers anyway. She must felt relief after all that ended up.

I went back to the Mikey I was before meeting Vee, the cold; heartless man I used to be. My black hair was the only different thing from that past.

Every night I recalled our moment spent together, the only vestige of her was in mind.

Well, my vision seemed to be quite subjective and false, because on few occasions, the guys talked to me. Kakucho, Sanzu, Takeomi and Ran were the ones telling me how I changed, in a bad way. To them, I was more reckless. There were probably right, not that it mattered anyway.

Dante and La Cosa Nostra became close allies, the first trying his best to ease my heart. He presented me to his wife and children, and they were probably the ones who helped me getting through all that shit.

My life didn't make sense anymore. Without Vee by my side, I could finally say it, I was nothing. A dead man walking. While she looked so... full of life.

I saw Senju multiple times, and what I said to Vee was obviously completely false. I've never let myself be tempted with her flirt. The Yamaguchi-gumi stayed on the low for a while too, making their presence known from time to time.

They attacked one of our clubs once, and I almost died in the process. That's maybe what the guys reproached me when they said that I was reckless. Luckily though, Sanzu helped me. Got shot close to the heart, would have died if he didn't push me at the last minute.

The not so discreet scar that I had on my chest was a daily reminder that life was, even for me, something ephemeral.

Tonight was no different than the other nights. Would drown myself in work, files, alcohol and memories of Vee. That scared me because I was slowly starting to forget the sound of her voice.

Mikey.

Hm?

You can't keep doing that

Doing what?

You're not living, you're just... surviving. Amico mio, it's not good. Even Luka noticed your pain, shall I remind you he's only 8? You need to do something.

Look Dante, I appreciate your concern but I'm working right now. Did you call me to say something else?

Your girl has been-

She's not mine anymore. I lost her long ago.

... Venus is going outside tonight. Ran told me and as requested from you, my men keep an eye on her. She hasn't been outside since you stopped talking. You should come and-

Scoffing at him, I rolled my eyes, forehead pressed against my hand.

Dante, just... don't. She's clearly better off without me, and the Yamaguchi-gumi understood she wasn't someone who counted for -

But that was a lie! Manjiro. You could try again with her! We could finish them off, and you two could be happy together. It's just-

No we won't. They got the message when we blew their hideout up. No needs to start something big like this once again, especially when we all know the finality of it.

And what is if if you're so sure of yourself? You know what? I'm gonna bring her to you tonight. You're always staying at your office, expect her and I to be here.

... Venus doesn't need me. She realised she didn't miss me, and that I was only a cancer in her life. I need to go, don't call me again. Thank you for what you did back then.

Hanging up, I left my phone on my desk, leaving my office, but not before asking my executives to meet me in our meeting room.

What's up Mikey?

All sat around me, I looked at them first, before speaking.

Just, thanks for what you did for me.

Snorting, Sanzu stared at me, pupils dilated.

Why does it look like farewells though?

You can leave, you have your evening off. Find some pussy to fuck, get drunk, get high. Do what you want. I want you all to be here tomorrow before 8am.

Groaning, Sanzu stood up, and was the first to leave the room.

You okay?

Of course I am Ran.

Nodding, he patted my shoulder while Rindou simply smiled at me.

Koko had an eyebrow raised.

What's up with you Mikey?

Nothing. You can go Hajime.

Eh? First time you're saying my name. But alright, goodnight Mikey

Now alone with Mochizuku and Takeomi, I turned to them.

Guess I'll head to the strip club then.

Go ahead Kanji

Door closing, I felt Takeomi's eyes on me.

What?

What are you up to Mikey?

Nothing, just need a night away from work. Why aren't you leaving?

Raising his hands in defeat, Takeomi stood up, and as he was going to exit the meeting's room, he stilled.

Manjiro. Don't do anything stupid yeah?

No worries.

Eventually alone, I sat back on the chair, chin on my crossed hands. Would I regret what I was about to do? Probably not. Vee gave me hope, showing me some good time. But I wasn't destined to happiness. My place was in darkness, in hell.

An hour passed, and directing myself to my office, I checked the security cameras. It was 9pm, everyone left the building, as I requested beforehand.

Turning one last time to my office, I suddenly imagined Vee here, with me. Taking my gun off my hoster, I put it on my desk. Closing the door behind me, I went to the roof.

The last time that I've been here was when Sanzu surprised me, and when I said to him that if I happened to die, he would take the lead.

Guess nothing has changed since then.

Approaching my feet from the edge, I looked behind, a flash blinding me for a while. The good old days, when I was Toman's leader, Ken-chin by my side. Takemichi, Mitsuya, Chifuyu, the Kawata twins and the others were below, acclaiming me.

How were they doing now? Did they find happiness? I hope so. Vee crossed my mind too, leaving a warm feeling in my heart.

Throwing a glance at the concrete, I felt cold sweat on my forehead.

I'm sorry, Venus

-Mikey

TO EXPLAIN MYSELF - I wanted to keep the final scene from the manga, when Bonten Mikey is with Takemichi. It's not to destroy the good mood at all, but I do think Mikey is someone who's extremely tortured in his life (as everyone knows lmao) so in this case, where him and you were an item and he had strong feelings toward you, obviously it will destroy him more. Hopefully it's not a triggering subject for you, if it is, I'm sorry bby 😔

see now mod… *exhales*

Yeah, I don’t know about this, Dee.

We stood outside the bar, which from the outside, looked pack to capacity already. Apprehension consumed me. Darren noticed, taking my hand into his and squeezing it.

Do you wanna go home? he asked gently. We don’t have to go in if you don’t want to.

I shook my head. If I couldn’t do this, with my best friend no less, I probably wouldn’t be able to do any social event.

No, I’m fine. But we are leaving before 11.

He winked at me.

Fuck yeah we are.

We walked in together at that, arm in arm. Eyes flitted to us and then away when they realized we weren’t anybody of importance. A few lingered on me, recognizing me from the news maybe. I ignored them, allowing Darren to introduce me to his friends. He was right, they were nice. We shared a few drinks, me only having one beer to the others four. After Natalie, I just didn’t trust drinking anymore. Or people in general, always looking outside of people’s actions for their hidden motives.

We left at ten as promised. I shoved Darren and a couple of his friends into separate Ubers since they were way too drunk for me to even trust them driving. After I managed to get transportation for the final drunkard that I was with that night, I started walking toward my own car. But I noticed something. Somebody was following me. Clutching onto the pocketknife I started carrying ever since I got back home, I steeled myself with the thought of pulling it out and taking a life if needed be.

As the person neared, my grip on the hilt was knuckle-white and tight, with little to no chance of slipping off. When they touched me, I spun around fast, placing the knife right beneath their throat. I was smart enough to avoid streetlights.

Who the fuck are you? I snarled, pressing the knife closer with each word I spoke.

The man threw up his hands quickly, but made no move to disarm me. I’m with Dante of La Casa Nostra.

Who?

Me, somebody spoke from our left. I chanced a look and found a man sitting in the back of a heavily tinted jeep. My heart sunk. I learned a long time ago that tinted jeeps were the poster cars for criminal organization and gang leaders to move around in. My name is Dante, Venus, and I came to you requesting help.

Funny way of asking for it, I bit, throwing a look to the man who was following me. And besides, I don’t think I can help you.

It’s about Mikey.

I froze, unsure how to answer for a few seconds, then eventually came up with a, I don’t know a Mikey.

We were there with the Yamaguchis, Venus. La Casa Nostra was a big help in aiding Bonten in that victory. Our sniper was the one that saved your life. So technically, you owe me.

Could I even argue that? I had a feeling that even if I wanted to, there was only stalling I could do before he lost his patience and just forced me to do what he wanted. Powerful men weren’t used to being challenged, after all. Slowly, I placed my knife in my pocket, but always kept it ready to grab in case I had to run. I walked up to the Jeep and hopped in beside Dante, keeping my distance at the same time.

What do you want?

I wanted to get straight to the point, go home if possible.

It’s Mikey, he sighed, pinching his nose as if even the thought of the man pained him to talk about. He’s… not doing so well. Not sleeping, barely eating, wasting away.

Have you ever stopped to consider he was always like that?

It honestly sounded like he was behaving just as he was—

But that was before you met him, Venus.

I clenched my jaw, remembering how he had started eating and sleeping at my request, soon not even needing me to tell him to do either at all. A certain beach date flashed into my mind and I shook my head to rid myself of the memory. Dante observed my reaction, and I wanted to pinch myself for giving an observable one.

Either way, I’m worried, Venus. Mikey is a good guy, an extraordinary ally, but with the way things are looking…I don’t think he’s going to survive much longer to be any of both. Which is why I offered to take you to him as a last resort.

Without my consent?

With or without, he admitted with a laugh. I’m that desperate. He’s not well, Venus. Even my children are concerned.

I gnawed on my thumbnail.

Bringing me to him might not fix him. They might make things worse. For both of us, I wanted to say.

Or they might make them better, he argued.

You couldn’t possibly know that.

I’m willing to take that risk.

I couldn’t answer that. Few things could talk down a stubborn man. I wasn’t one of them.

You know, I really think you and Manjiro belong together. You’re both just too stubborn to see that.

I didn’t reply to that, either. I would’ve agreed once. Manjiro made sure I couldn’t.

We arrived to the building and I was astounded by how distinctly I remembered it despite being away from it from so long. My mind went on that nurse who helped me escape. I wondered if they fired her.

Dante hopped out of the car the same time I did, using a fancy keycard to gain access into the building. Walking through it, I realized I never took the time to appreciate how large the space was. We reached the room where Dante said he’d be— the meeting room.

Mikey, I’m here as promised, Dante announced and I held my breath. I hadn’t the slightest clue what to say when I saw him, or whether what I’d say would be the right thing. Probably not, considering I wanted to curse him like a dog.

I still had time to think of something though. When Dante opened the door, nobody was there.

Am I being pranked? I asked Dante whose eyebrows were furrowed.

That’s strange. He hasn’t checked out of the building at all today so he’s still in here.

I looked around for a bit, feeling something amiss, and then I found the window looking out over the city. Dante, is there any room in this place that has a better view than this one?

No, this is the highest floor in the building. No view comes close. Why do you ask?

They all had something in common. This room, Mikey’s house’s design, the hotels he booked, down to the dates he scheduled— there was one common denominator.

The view. I snapped my fingers. Mikey likes the views!

But there’s no better view than… the roof. He’s on the roof.

I wasted no time, bolting out of the door. The elevator stopped just to the meeting room floor. Only stairs could take you up to the roof. I sprinted up them by God’s grace, barely even winded by the time I opened the door.

Good thing too, because the sight of Mikey took my breath away. It was only his back, the same black hair I had seen him in the last time fluttering in the wind. What worried me most was not where he was standing, feet firmly planted on the ledge. What worried me most was how relaxed he was on the ledge, as if he wasn’t staring a certain death right in the face. A strong enough wind would send him right to it. I couldn’t witness that. My feet moved on their own, fueled by adrenaline. I had barely reached him when he started to push himself over the ledge, but I caught him in time, gripping my shirt between his fingers and snatching him back with all my might. He fell back easily, too startled by the fact somebody was there to catch him to brace himself. He landed right atop of me in a heap of limbs. My hands were trembling. It was as if I had just realized how close I was to missing that chance to grab him. Tears came into my eyes, but I didn’t know if they were from anger or from fear.

You idiot, I whispered harshly through sobs. You fucking idiot.

[aloesighs-blog]

Hey! I saw you got accepted into Sheridan animation!! So firstly, congrats! Second, I have a question. How did you improve (like what did you do?)over the year between applying from last year to this year? I applied for my first time this year and got rejected, and scored pretty badly (46% ; 3; ) but I want to work hard and improve for next year but don't know where to start :O

hey there!! thank you tho omg aisoduf but!! okay so, this might get kind of long but i’ll definitely do my best to give you some solid advice!

so my background in art when i first applied was really…..really…….limited. i went to a catholic high school that didn’t put much stock in the arts (we were pretty stereotypical in the sense that it all the focus was on set on things like sports and science), so i was pretty clueless when it came to things like line quality, perspective, proper proportions…. all the basic foundations of art, essentially. i knew i always wanted to get into animation, but i never really took art seriously until the summer before i started my senior year when it finally hit me that i had to apply in the upcoming months. PLEASE please please if u love yourself pls don’t do what i did my first time and let your anxieties cripple you and procrastinate; that was a huuuge part of why my score was so low the first time (i don’t think they had percentages last year???? i just remember i got either a 1.45 or 1.75, and i thought that was the profs being generous ngl haha….) and even this time around i still did that a little. it’s not worth the stress honestly pls just start as early as you can.

aaand onto the advice:

every day for a month, fill up a page in your sketchbook! or, even better, do it for more than one month! it really, really helps honestly….and it’s fun! the more often you draw, the better. when i first applied, i was lucky to draw once a month - and it showed. the more you draw, the better! and if you’re having a bad art day or you’re busy, then just try and get one quick drawing done. anything counts!

consider art fundamentals and visual creative arts. unfortunately it can be very expensive with tuition and supplies, but personally i found art fundies to be a huge part of my improvement; like i said before, i lacked a lot of the foundations in art and fundies was able to teach them to me. i also really enjoyed some of the assignments, which made me realize that i really did want to pursue art as a career (i was heavily considering film before) which in turn made me work harder. i also found that being in an environment with other art students who actually cared about art and wanted to be there and get into similar programs helped a lot. that being said, i also know a lot of people also weren’t a huge fan of it art fundamentals and said that it did absolutely nothing for them. it’s different for everyone, so don’t take my word for it; talk it over with your family. also note tho that if you are considering these two, vca and fundies are very similar from what i’ve heard, the only main difference (i think) being that vca is 2-3 years long and fundies is just one. 

portfolio tutours! they’re awesome! i was lucky enough to find a fourth year animation student who was offering sessions ( thank you so much gabi!!! ) and i owe a huge part of my success to her. if you’re going to sheridan next year it wouldn’t hurt to track down a tutour, and from what i’ve heard there’s quite a few animation students that are eager to offer their services!

LIFE DRAWING CLASSES! i never took any of these till i got into fundies, and trust me - you’ll need them. they help with everything; proportion, posing, anatomy, line quality….. and they’re fun to go to! if you’re in vca or fundies they offer extra life classes for free, and they run from 6pm-9pm on weekdays (there’s also one saturday morning session from 10am-1pm i think?).  

HAVE FUN! i know this sounds super lame but the more fun you have with your art the more you’ll enjoy it and the more you’ll want to do it. and in the long run, that really shows! it’s also a good way to loosen up i find? i used to be really stiff and a tiiiiny bit of a perfectionist when i drew; don’t do that. not every drawing is going to look amazing, so just draw!

and if you’re anything like i was and you’re worried about having a specific style, here’s a bit of advice that i read in a book somewhere that really stuck with me. it went : “don’t try to develop a style. ignore style. just concentrate on the drawing and style will just occur.”

so there u go!! ! that got really long i’m so sorry but i hope that answered your question! good luck with your art and don’t worry that you didn’t get in this time. most people get in after two or three tries, and there’s always next year :)