#anyway i was closeted for years because i didn’t think the rewards outweighed the risks

[bastard-aziraphale]

love the kiddads bc i can project such weird niche shit onto all of them. anyway welcome to my ted talk on how sparrow is cannonically transfem but doesn’t ever really Come Out(tm) because she’s made a pro/con chart and it simply did not rank above her desire to conform and to mirror lark and to fix what she started in re: the doodler

[natashasbanner]

Date Night: Chapter 5

Carol and Maria have been friends for years and are practically inseparable. It only made sense for Carol to move in with Maria and Monica. And it worked out for awhile.

But when Maria starts dating again, it digs up feelings Carol thought were long buried. She refused to ruin their friendship because of her stupid crush, but will she end up doing it anyway?

A/N: Long overdue, I know, but here is the final chapter. I hope you all enjoyed :D 

Also on AO3

X

“Auntie Carol, are you in here?” 

Carol looked up from the newspaper spread out over the kitchen table and quickly tried to fold them back up and tuck them out of sight, but Monica bounded around the corner before she could. 

“What are you doing?” she asked, walking around the table to stand next to Carol. 

“Nothing,” she lied, pulling Monica into her lap. 

“What do these circles mean?” 

“Those are apartments,” Carol explained, turning the paper over to the colorful comics section. 

“Why do you need a apartment?” Monica asked, running her finger over the drawing of Garfield. “Don’t you like living with me and Mommy?” 

Carol sighed and closed her eyes. She couldn’t lie to Monica, but she didn’t want to break her little heart. 

“I love it,” she said, hugging Monica close. “But I think it might be better for everyone if I go back to living on my own.” 

Monica looked up at her, her bottom lip poking out. “Do you promise to visit all the time?” 

Carol smiled sadly. “I’d be here so much you wouldn’t have time to miss me. I promise.” 

“Do you pinkie promise?” 

“I pinkie promise,” Carol said, hooking her pinkie around Monica’s. 

X

“What the hell did you say to Monica?” 

Carol looked away from the movie she was watching to see Maria standing at the bottom of the stairs with her hands on her hips. 

“About what?” Carol asked, sitting up a little straighter on the couch. 

“She seems to think that your planning on moving out tonight,” Maria said, moving to stand in front of the TV. “Care to explain?” 

Carol shook her head. “I’d rather not.” 

“Were you looking at apartments?” 

Carol sighed and turned off the TV. “I was.” 

“Was it something I said?” Maria asked, dropping her arms against her side. 

Her eyes searched Carol’s face, no doubt trying to make sense of all of this, but Carol looked away. She could see the hurt Maria was trying to hide and it tore her apart knowing that she was the one causing it. 

“It doesn’t have anything to do with you,” Carol said, hoping that would lessen the blow a little. “I just think it would be best if I went back to living on my own.” 

Maria bit her bottom lip and walked over to drop into the armchair next to the couch. 

“How long have you been thinking about leaving?” she asked. 

“Only a couple weeks,” Carol told her honestly. “And it’s not like I won’t still be around. Things will just go back to the way things were.” 

“You mean when you were sleeping on my couch every other night and had enough clothes here to fill your own closet?” 

Maria shook her head and leaned forward to rest her elbows against her knees. 

“Are you sure there’s nothing else going on?” she asked. 

“Yes.” 

She felt Maria’s eyes on her, but she couldn’t make herself face her. What she was doing was going to be better for them in the long run, but it still hurt like hell. 

She heard Maria sigh and stand up from the chair. 

“Okay.” 

X

“I ruined everything,” Carol sighed, looking up at the clear sky. 

It had been almost two weeks since Maria found out she was planning on moving out. Things were awkward around the house between the two of them, like they were walking on eggshells around each other. Monica clung to her like she was afraid if she left her too long, Carol wouldn’t be there. And she only had herself to blame. 

“What did you ruin?” Lawson asked, looking up from the plans spread over her lab table. 

“Everything,” Carol sighed, dropping into the stool across from her. 

Lawson chuckled. “I don’t think that’s necessarily true.” 

“But I did and I don’t know how to fix it.” 

“Are you talking about living with Maria?” 

Carol narrowed her eyes. “How did you know about that?” 

“Oh please, the two of you couldn’t be any more obvious if you tried,” Lawson said with a laugh. “But I could have told you it wasn’t going to work, not unless the two of you got your heads out of your asses.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Come on, Ace, I thought you were smarter than that,” she said, going back to her plans. 

Carol looked around to make sure they wouldn’t be overheard before sliding off the stool and walking around to stand beside Lawson. 

“It would never work,” she whispered. 

“You’re going to do what you think is best no matter what I tell you,” she said with a sigh. “I don’t think things are as one sided as you think, just be honest. With yourself and with her.” 

Carol wrinkled her brow. “What?” 

Lawson opened her mouth to say something else, but was interrupted by the door to her lab opening and Maria walking in. Carol drifted back to her stool, watching Maria jog in, slightly out of breath. 

“Sorry I’m late,” she said, barely sparing a glance at Carol. 

Lawson shook her head and straightened up, smiling at Maria. 

“You’re right on time, let me show you girls what I’ve been working on.” 

X

The knock on her door came as a surprise.

Carol had taken to shutting herself in her room after dinner every night. It was the coward’s way out, she knew that, but she needed time to figure everything out without destroying the best friendship she’d ever had. 

“Come in,” she called, sitting up in bed. 

Maria poked her head in with a small smile. “You haven’t seen Monica’s soccer cleats have you?”

“Last time I saw them they were by the back door,” Carol answered. 

“Okay,” Maria nodded, already backing out. “Thanks.” 

“Wait,” she all but yelled before the door could close all the way. 

Maria opened the door again, this time stepping into the room. “Yeah?” 

“Can we talk?” 

“Sure,” she said, closing the door behind her. “What’s up?” 

“I’m sorry,” Carol said with a sigh. “I didn’t mean to drop that bomb on you like that.” 

“Telling the five year old probably wasn’t a good idea then,” she said with a chuckle. 

“In my defence she forced it out of me.” 

Maria just laughed and leaned back against the door. The tension that had settled over them in the last couple weeks lifted, if only for this moment and it felt like a huge weight lifted off her chest. 

In the last few days she’d given a lot of thought to what Lawson had said about getting her head out of her ass. She realized how stupid she was being. Carol Danvers didn’t run from her problems, she faced them head on, consequences be damned. The reward outweighed the risk, she just had to take the first step. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

Maria pushed off the door, moving to sit at the end of Carol’s bed. “Anything.”  

Carol swallowed and looked down at her hands. 

“Have you ever thought about what it would be like if you and I, were um, more than friends?” she asked, stumbling over her words. 

“You mean more than we already are?” Maria asked, nudging Carol’s leg. 

“I mean if you and I started dating,” Carol said firmly. 

“I’ve thought about it,” Maria admitted, looking away from Carol. 

“You have? Why didn’t you say anything?” 

Maria smiled softly. “Why didn’t you?” 

Carol sat back, her brow wrinkling. Would it have been that easy? 

“I didn’t want to ruin what we’ve got if you didn’t feel the same. I love you too much to not have you in my life.” 

“Even if it meant just being friends,” Carol finished for her, a laugh of disbelief bubbling out of her. “We really are two peas in a pod.” 

“That’s why you wanted to leave, wasn’t it?” Maria asked. 

“I thought if we didn’t live under the same roof, it would be easier to ignore.”

“Look how that worked out for you,” Maria teased. 

“Live and learn, I guess.” 

Silence fell over them and Maria laid back on Carol’s bed, her shirt riding up over her stomach. Carol leaned forward and stretched out beside her, their faces inches apart. 

“What do we do now?” Maria asked, her eyes flicking down to Carol’s lips. 

“I want to do this right,” Carol said, smirking over at her. “Let me take you on a real date.” 

“Okay,” Maria whispered, rolling over so that she was hovering over Carol. “But there is one thing I’d like first.” 

“Yeah?” Carol asked, shivering in anticipation. “What’s that?” 

“Kiss me,” she asked, leaning down until their noses were touching. 

Carol smiled, dropping her hand to the small of Maria’s back. 

“I thought you’d never ask.” 

Maria closed the distance between them, pressing her lips against Carol’s, softly at first but growing more confident when Carol parted her lips. Maria pulled away after a few moments, panting slightly as she pushed Carol’s hair away from her forehead. 

“Worth the wait?” Carol asked, raising her eyebrows. 

“Oh yeah,” Maria nodded, leaning down again. 

X

A few weeks later...

“I thought you said Mommy wasn’t going on any more dates?” Monica whined as Carol helped her stuff her favorite blanket into her backpack. 

“This one’s different,” Carol said zipping up the bag. 

Monica turned around and Carol helped her slide the bag onto her back. 

“Why do I have to go to Gramma and Papa’s? Why can’t I stay here with you?” 

“Because I’ve got a date too.” 

Monica threw her head back with a groan. “Not you too.” 

Carol couldn’t help but chuckle as she waited by the door with her. She patted Monica’s shoulder and bit her bottom lip. They’d agreed to keep this thing between them a secret from Monica while they were figuring everything out. But Carol wanted to spill the beans right then and there. 

“I thought you liked your sleepovers with your grandparents,” Carol asked. 

“I do, but I wanna build another fort.” 

“How about you and I recreate the world’s biggest fort when you come back home tomorrow?” 

Her eyes lit up and she bounced from foot to foot. “Really?” 

“Absolutely.” 

“Are you two ready to go?” 

Carol turned to see Maria coming down the stairs. She looked absolutely gorgeous and Carol felt her heart rate pick up slightly. To think she almost missed her chance because she’d been too afraid of screwing everything up. She’d never make that mistake again. 

“I think so,” Carol answered. 

“Mommy you look like a princess.” 

“Thank you baby,” Maria grinned. “Why don’t you head out to the car?” 

“Okay,” she said and headed out the front door. 

“She’s right you know,” Carol said once Monica was outside.

She took Maria’s hand and pulled her close, sliding her arm around her waist. 

“You look amazing.” 

Maria smiled and reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind Carol’s ear. 

“You clean up nicely yourself.” 

“Gee thanks,” Carol laughed, pressing her forehead against Maria’s. “You know I’d much rather stay home and make out on the couch again.” 

Maria shook her head. “That’s not going to work again. You were the one that wanted to go on a “real date” in the first place.” 

“You’re right,” Carol conceded, stealing a quick peck from Maria’s lips. “Can you blame me for wanting to keep you all to myself?” 

“Flattery will get you everywhere Captain Danvers,” Maria said, pinching Carol’s side to make her squirm. “But you’ll have to buy me dinner first.” 

“I see how it is,” Carol teased, kissing her again just because she could. 

“Let’s go before she comes looking for us.” 

Maria pulled away, but held on to Carol’s hand, lacing their fingers together. Carol smiled, a warmth spreading through her that hadn’t seemed to dull since the first night she’d kissed Maria. She brought their linked hands up to her lips and kissed the back of Maria’s hand. 

“She’s going to figure it out before we’re ready to tell her regardless,” Carol pointed out, following Maria out the door. 

“Maybe I want to keep you all to myself, too.” she whispered in her ear when the got to the car. “For just a little longer.” 

Carol slid into the passenger’s seat and Monica poked her head up from the back seat. 

“Were you and Mommy holding hands?” she asked looking at Carol with raised eyebrows. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Carol smirked, winking over at Maria as she backed out of the driveway. 

“You guys are weird.” She huffed leaning back against the seat.