#anyway i went outside and punched trees and kicked garbage cans until i skinned my knuckle
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Okay I am not claiming that testosterone makes people angry because that simply is not true but for me it has definitely unearthed a lot of suppressed rage I've been carrying around
#it used to be that i got upset and went straight to spiraling thinking im a terrible person#now it's the same actually but it used to be sad flavor and now it's angry flavor#anyway i went outside and punched trees and kicked garbage cans until i skinned my knuckle#and then lit pages of a book on fire one at a time until the lighter died#and then ripped out pages of said book one at a time#distracted myself by turning it into an art project#calmed down#went upstairs and got mad again#oh i also punched my pillow earlier. also did nothing#it's almost a novelty i havent been this pissed since i was a kid#anyway if im still kinda emotionally dysregulated by 11:45 ill ask the beloved if he wants to go for a late night walk#cause if i cant handle this on my own ill like. need support i think lol. so this doesn't turn into another pain spiral mental illness loop#that keeps me in bed for days#:)#scout talks high
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