#anyway sad alicent Hightower hours strike again

[hacked-wtsdz]

Idk if this would make any sense from any point of view but. Alicent cannot process her desires and emotions and reactions properly due to the fact that her identity doesn’t exist outside of duty. She cannot process and, hence, act OR get over her love for Rhaenyra, because she has never been taught to do that. Not love, but treat love as a normal emotion that you can operate with and call real. She can’t process her trauma of child marriage, because she doesn’t want to be a child bride or give birth to children or care about them at such a young age, but wanting is not in her vocabulary. Like she says to Otto in ep 9, she never knew what she wanted because her desires were guided by him from the start. She can’t process her marital rape or hate for viserys because she can only love him. There are no words or mechanisms to even contemplate the fact that she was hurt both physically and emotionally because they are all tied to the concepts of bodily autonomy, personal tastes, personal wants. Alicent cannot want consciously, so all of her deep likes and dislikes remain unconscious, and she can’t move on or heal or act on them because then she’d have to go back to the very start and admit that it wasn’t the way she wanted. She’d have to admit that she can want, and that goes against the identity that she’s created for herself. You put that part of the mechanism in, and the mechanism as she knows it falls apart. She loves her children subconsciously (you imbecile). She wants them on the throne first of all because that’s what Otto wants. So it all stays inside of her and makes her life hell. That love for Rhaenyra that is revealed THE MOMENT Rhaenyra tries to make peace. That book page she’s been holding onto for ten years. It would be healthy to move on, but Alicent is incapable of that because moving on is tied to letting go of desire but how can you let go of something you cannot admit that you have?