#anyway she was also texting me abt how she’s started her summer classes already before i even finish my finals 😭 which is CRAZY

[lesbianlenas]

the way that my friend texted me before like i think there might be a lesbian in my program bc there was this girl w a rainbow pride pin on her bag & then 20 mins later she found her on social media & saw she had a bf and is straight & she sent me this i 😭😭😭

[mx-sfthrs]

so ummm spill the tea abt your crush i wanna know 👀 - i’ll be 🌻 anon for now

🌻 anon just remember, u asked for this (i literally cracked my knuckles before typing this out jsjskdkdk)

SO ill spare u most of the bkg but idk if any of yall live in america, specifically the south but high school marching band goes HARD espeacially here in texas so because of this i spent a LOT of time w the band kids and so junior year i started to get kind of close to him and long story short we got very close very quickly and ngl i kinda started talking to him more because i thought he was a lil cute anyways cut to senior year im band captain and he's my lieutenant so we spent a LOT of time together then i was first chair trumpet and he was first chair trombone so we sat next to each other in concert band and yeah so we were inseperable in hs

so now he goes to school four hours away from me and i never rlly get to see him because he marches for a drum corps over the summer so we have like 3 weeks total over the summer so idk maybe i just miss him ???

but i think ive just always have this crush on him but lately got i just miss him and cant stop thinking about him

and like i said im a very firm believer in the idea that the strongest love starts in a friendship and like i love his family and he's always been so accepting of me ?? like he became my best friend during prob the worst time of my life and would always just listen to me ????? he did not have to take on all of my problems but he did and we were only 16 and god idk

he has this weird neck beard now and i never get to see him and he's SHIT at texting back like rlly rubbish (once when we were 17 he texted me at like 2am this paragraph abt how he's rlly glad that im in his life and i still think abt that like once a week) but i hadnt talked to him in like a month so i called him last night and he picked up and my heart went 💞💞💞💞 and i knew i was in trouble and be started talking abt his week and his classes and we laughed and part of me just wanted to jump through the phone and be with him because i miss his stupid smile and his stupid laugh and i just like being near him but part of me was glad that i didnt because i was smiling like an IDIOT like a COMPLETE FOOL the whole time and he was just ... talking abt his week like that was it

and THEN as if i wasnt already whipped (i also worry because he never rlly calls or texts that he doesnt wanna talk to me) i was thinking while we talked 'im gonna just call him once a week since he's so bad ag communicating' he was like "we should do this more often ! we should make it a weekly thing" and i was literally 🥺🥺🥺 on the other line like "yeah we really should" and he was like "friday nights?" and i was like "friday nights" and NOW I CANT wait for fridays i already miss him but

now the messy part he's dating someone (which idt he wants to be dating this girl but he's v nonconfrontational) and i know that another one of our close friends is in love w him because she told me when she got wasted on her birthday (and theyre roommates like they literally share a room) and also my gaydar is bad for dudes (to be fair mine only needs to work for ladies lmao) but he may be gay and like also he may not be fully gay like maybe bi idk but he's Such a closed book it's such a chore to get him to open up so idk it's messy messy messy but like at least every other day i think abt how nice it would be to spend the rest of my life w him :(( like i just cant get crushes on ppl anymore because my stupid head literally sees him as endgame u know ???? like i love his family and im close w his sister and like he's the kind of person that can charm anyone like he has such a high eq but is a little bit of a dumbass but im very blunt with a resting bitch face but im like crazy smart so idk if yall get the dynamic ?? but for us it's functional and like we're funny seperately but together we're funny as fuck

anyways sorry for that BOOK but it felt good to say haha i cant talk abt this irl for obvious reasons lol

[lipkits]

long version!

this is wayyyy longer than i thought so get ready

ok so basically i was friends w this girl for a while and had secretly liked her, and then in january i told her how i felt because we’d kinda been having a fwb relationship since the summer. neither of us had admitted our real feelings, and it turned out she liked me as well. so we were basically dating, like we went on our first date for valentine’s day, and everything was going pretty well. she always asked to hang out and i’m rlly introverted so i don’t like doing more than 1 thing w friends on the weekend bc i just need time to recover from the week. and so she’d always ask to hang out and do things and it just got tiring because i suck at saying no, and i’d try to tell her what i’m explaining to u guys (or whoever is reading this) but she said i’m not introverted because i’m not as shy as her (lol). and so then it kind of started to make me pull away bc i felt rlly overwhelmed. she also would never leave when i wanted her to and would just sit in my car not getting out, and also on new years she got mad at me because it was 1am and i was super tired and wanted her to leave because i had a paper due in like 2 days that i’d procrastinated. i know it might seem bad because i was essentially ditching her for school work but it was super late at night and i’d been planning this for a while. and also her parents are rlly homophobic and conservative, so she’s said certain things before that turned me off, and also it made me feel scared to be in this relationship if we had to hide it from her parents (and she didn’t want me to tell my parents so i was kind of lying to them in a way??? idk i normally tell my mom everything but i hadn’t been telling her this which made me feel bad). so then after a while we decided to officially date as girlfriends, but the next morning (this was the beginning of march i think or end of february by the way) i felt this horrible gut feeling telling me that i wasn’t ready for a girlfriend and i just didn’t want to be with her anymore. so i told her immediately because i didn’t want to lie and it wouldn’t be fair to either of us, and it was over text so it was bad to begin with, but i told her the truth and she got super upset and of course hurt by what i said, and ignored me for a week, and then we met the next weekend for breakfast and she just told me how she didn’t want to go back to fwb without being official and she tried to convince me to be her girlfriend and didn’t understand anything i was explaining as to why i wasn’t ready for that. and she didn’t want to go back to just being friends either... also keep in mind she is a year older than me. so then she started saying things that i do which annoys her, and claimed that she wasn’t a priority because i wouldn’t drop everything to be with her. but school and work come first before doing fun stuff for me. i feel like she didn’t understand how important doing well in my studies is and i can’t just be her girlfriend whenever she wants, i have to be my own person and make time for myself. so then she made me feel real shitty, and had her mom come pick her up (she doesn’t have her license so i drove us places most of the time). and i was just really upset and then she slowly went back to being friendly again, and we hung out one weekend and she took an edible when we went to the movie theater, but ate the whole thing and then we had to leave because she was like seeing weird shit and shaking, and so i just had to take care of her basically for a couple hours. and then she said some rude things to me and was like “i feel so immature i’m sorry”... but in the past i’ve had to babysit her whenever she got high. so then afterwards we were fine for another week and then she asked to hang out one weekend but i said no because i was busy and had to prepare for finals, and then she straight up just wouldn’t talk to me and gave me the cold shoulder, pretty much ignored me for a solid month. didn’t even tell me happy birthday???? when it was obvious she knew because she saw posts my friend made abt me, and then put stuff on her story abt how she’s in seattle we her other friends? like... ok. and it hurt me rlly bad she was treating me like that, so then she wrote me this long letter and gave it to me in class just like explaining why she wouldn’t talk to me, and said a bunch of excuses and then wanted to know if i still wanted to be friends, and also told me she had my birthday present and didn’t forget about my birthday. and i waited a week because i had a bunch of other stuff happening in my life, and she told me not to tell anyone about the letter or show it to anyone and of course i went to my therapist bc i didn’t know what else to do. and meanwhile during the time we’ve been together she had been telling some people about us without my permission and i’m not out at school so it made me really upset and felt like i couldn’t really trust her. so then she texted me and asked for the letter back, and i gave it to her the next day and told her that she decided we were no longer friends when she ignored me for a month, without telling me anything like she needed space or something... and she said that she just “couldn’t” talk to me, and that it she didn’t make that decision, but throughout our entire relationship i had always been the one to make decisions. i told her she did make that decision whether she wanted to or not, and she said “well fuck you” and walked away, leaving me shaking and close to tears. and then i moved tables in our art class. and on the bus home a few days later she sat next to me and started asking me to explain stuff i didn’t answer from the letter and i told her no and that i didn’t owe her any explanation and she got mad at me and then when i tried to tell her how outing me isn’t okay she said “well it’s my story too so i can tell whoever i want” and when i wasn’t acting how she wanted she started crying and told me she’s lost like 15 pounds because of stress and she has no one to talk to abt it because of her parents prejudice, but she had already told me before so i tried to tell her how shitty she made me feel, and then got off the bus and said “i’m seriously just done”... also we were becoming friends w this one guy who she told abt us and he previously used gay as an insult which seriously sucked and so got upset abt it but got angry that she told him abt us anyways bc i felt uncomfortable w him let alone all those other people know. and he doesn’t talk to me anymore and neither do any of her friends so i bet they all hate me lol. and we didn’t talk for the rest of the year, except when she asked for polaroids back that she gave me on valentine’s day ??? and then she graduated and i blocked her on all social media and her phone number.

so that is p much it !! sorry it was a lot and i hope u can understand it, and also sorry for run-on sentences.... and spelling errors... omg