#anyway. just. dealing w what will inevitably be questioning hell and the guilt to follow after

[sleepinglionhearts]

I can just see it now, I'll get asked by my manager what I mean by saying my period started "unexpectedly" when I come in tomorrow and she'll probably also say, again, that many people just deal with it when it hurts, you know, why not just push through it??

Ma'am they stOPPED REFILLING MY BIRTH CONTROL PRESCRIPTION THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE CONSISTENTLY TAKEN UNTIL SOME TIME NEXT SUMMER, IT WAS UNE X PEC TE D

[edream93]

I’m Hooked On All These Feelings (Harry of Auradon AU) Part 4

Okay so let’s all just assume that I’m not going to be able to give up Tumblr for 6 weeks. Oh well! Anyway, back with Part 4 of the Harry of Auradon AU (here’s the link for Part 1 , Part 2 , and Part 3)? Enjoy and of course let me know what you think either on here or on AO3 or FF.net. Likes are great but comments, even in the tags of reblogs are always appreciated.

I’m kind of nervous about this chapter because it really gave me a hard time but I hope you all still manage to enjoy!

On the Isle, 6 years ago

He hadn’t been there. Didn’t see it in person himself but the rumors that had spread throughout the Isle were so detailed, so vivid that ten year old Gil almost felt like he had been there which seemed so much worse to him than actually being there.

He checked everywhere he could think of. The dilapidated shack of an old pirate long dead that she would stay in any time her mother kicked her out. The rocky patch of the grey beach that she often went to when she was in one of her moods and wanted to be alone. He searched high and low until he finally found her alone in an alley near her mother’s shop. He could smell the rotten shrimp even before he got anywhere near her. Luckily enough, LeGume’s were made with stomachs of steel. And luckily enough for the girl he found alone and dejected in the alley, this son of Gaston, albeit not the smartest, was extremely loyal to his best friend.

“Go away!” Uma growled, wiping at her red eyes roughly before throwing a nearby empty bottle at him while sending him the nastiest glare she could manage.

Gil managed to easily dodge the bottle, barely batting an eye at the fact that she actually had been aiming for his head.

He got closer to her, frowning at the sudden realization that he never noticed how much shorter and smaller she was compared to him. Sure, Gil had recently gone through a growth spurt but she was tiny, just barely making it up to his chest. Her personality and confidence had just always seemed so large and reliable up until this point. Now...wow...he really couldn’t get over how small she looked.

“You have shrimp in your hair,” he pointed out reaching out to pull it from her hair. She slapped his hand away hard, taking a step back from him.

“How fucking dumb are you?” Uma yelled at him, kicking a nearby old and rotten crate until it collapsed. “Don’t you think I already know that?”

Gil saw that the act of destruction didn’t do anything to soothe her anger. Her rage. Her pain.

He felt helpless.

If it was a matter of strength or doing a small errand for her he knew explicitly what to do: he followed her, knowing Uma always was planning something. She was the brains, the beauty, the reason why they had both survived so long on the Isle and he was...well he had the brawn. But brawn was honestly a dime a dozen on the Isle. Replacing him wouldn’t be that hard...

“How could she do something like that? I thought we were partners! The baddest of the bad! I thought we were friends!” she cried out angrily shoving a nearby stack of crates, blinking rapidly against the tears in her eyes. Uma earned a yowl from one of Lucifer’s many kittens that had been perched on the crate before it jumped onto a nearby low roof, away from the rampaging girl. “Screw you!” she yelled after the cat. Suddenly, she turned her fury towards Gil. “And you! Why the hell are you still here? Where were you? Were you in on this the whole time? Thought it would be funny? Huh? HUH?!” she yelled at the boy,” pushing him hard with all her strength with each question.

At his unresponsiveness, her open palmed pushing turned to closed fisted hits that didn’t care where they landed.

“Why are you not fighting back!?” she growled angrily, braids flying, when the most he would do was let out a pained grunt. “Come on! Fight me! I’m already at the bottom of this fucking Isle food chain. Come at me!”

Gil shook his head. “No, I don’t want to, but you can keep hitting me,” he offered quietly, a stark contrast to her anger fueled rant. “My dad usually feels better after he’s done that when he has a rough day. You can do it too, if that’ll make you feel better. He usually goes until he knocks me out” he said earnestly, his expression showing that he wanted to please her, that he just wanted her to be alright.

Uma stared at him, the fire in her instantly simmering. She looked away from Gil’s eager to please face, disgusted with herself. Disgusted with the Isle. Disgusted with Mal and her backstabbing. Disgusted that hearing your friend was a punching bag for his dad wasn’t jarring as she knew it would be if they lived off this damn rock.

Uma took a deep breath but nearly gagged on the smell emitting from her hair. “Just...just help me take my braids out so I can watch this gunk out,” she murmured turning to head to the back entrance of the Chip Shop. “Then we’ll plan ways to get off this damn Isle and leave all these losers to rot behind.”

Gil grinned as he followed her, just happy that she was willing to include him in her plans. “Whatever you say, Shrim- I mean Uma!”

Rolling her eyes, Uma led the way and as always since they were six, Gil followed.

---

Auradon, Present

Coldness, that had nothing to do with the rain soaking into her clothes, sank deep into her bones.

“ If you’re against Mal, you’ve basically put a noose around your neck,” Jay’s voice taunted her thoughts.

The grey clouds above rolled across the sky with booming thunder and striking lightning as the only witnesses to her fury, her anger...her heartbreak…

“ Fuck Jay. Fuck Mal,” she thought with a lump in her throat as she imagined blue eyes as blue as the sea.

Why did the universe seem so intent on taking anything good from her life? Why was it that even amongst the villains she was a loser?

“Uma? Are you alright?” a concerned voice questioned above her just as the rain that had been pelting down on her suddenly stopped.

Jolting where she sat, Uma looked up into the worried too warm, too kind, (too naive) eyes of Prince Ben. A bright Auradon yellow umbrella was held above her head, covering her from the rain while the usually pristine blue and yellow of his suit began to quickly be drenched by the rain.

She didn’t answer. Wasn’t sure if she should answer, let alone how. Up until this point, Uma had tried to have limited contact with the prince. She avoided him mostly because his pretty in petty pink girlfriend Audrey was always glaring daggers at any of the Isle kids who dared got close to her precious Benny-Boo. However, If Uma was being perfectly honest though, the way that Ben looked at her, looked at all of them, like he could see the potential that her mother always denied her having, made her feel a twisting feeling in her gut that she didn’t even want to think of a guilt. (Villains never felt guilt, especially over princes.)

“Uma?” Ben questioned again when she still didn’t move let alone respond, eyes filling with more concern when she didn’t respond.

“I’m fine,” she managed to hoarsely get out, avoiding looking at him in hopes that he wouldn’t see how red her eyes were. She needed to get up, to get away from this too bright boy that she would inevitably have to deceive (from this too bright boy she may inevitably even play a role in his death). “You can go now,” she hissed, attempting to mask her discomfort when he continued to look at her with unfiltered concern.

Ben’s expression showed that he obviously didn’t believe her though.

“W-well,” he began sounding uncomfortable himself before his face lighted up in thought. “Let me walk you to wherever you were going at least,” he smiled easily. “I would be a bad host if I didn’t offer you some protection from the rain.”

Uma waited. Waited for him to laugh and mock her like she was so used to people on the Isle doing. Her shoulders slumped slightly when she realized that Beasty Boy was actually sincere. “You’re as sickeningly good as you look,” she sighed, the usual bite in her tone replaced with weariness.

The thunder above rumbled with a rumble of agreement.

Ben chuckled, still holding his umbrella carefully over her head as he gently guided her somewhere else, not seeming to mind at all the way his hair was plastered to his forehead.  

“How are you settling into Auradon?” he asked inquisitively. “I haven’t really had the opportunity to check up on you since you’ve arrived and Harry unfortunately likes to keep you all to himself.”

Rolling her eyes, Uma crossed her arms over her chest, easily keeping pace with his much longer legs. “Well school sucks but there’s less mold on the food here and I haven’t had to deal with one of my mother’s beatings in weeks so I guess it’s not horrible.”

She managed to hold back a snicker at the way his smile faltered on his face at her words.

“You’re mother beat you?” Ben questioned, looking very awkward.

“It’s the Isle, Princey Boy. Everyone’s parents either beats them with an extra helping of mentally fuck you up. Besides, a beating you can walk off,” she continued, finding some sort of sick fascination in the way his face grew paler. “Starvation and infection unfortunately is a little bit harder when you’re living twenty years in a garbage strike, eating whatever you royals throw away.” She glared hard at the boy, gaze heavy with blame. “Then again, malnutrition and death probably aren’t as regular an occurrence here as it is on the Isle, aren’t they?”

“I-I didn’t know -” Ben responded. “How is that possible?”

“Because you didn’t care to know! I mean who ever thinks about the villains?” Uma cut him off, ready to go off as soon as the first excuse left his mouth. However, the prince surprised her.

“You’re right. I didn’t,” he said honestly. “I never really thought about what life could have been like over there. I don’t think anyone here has. But I don’t think that’s acceptable for anyone, villain or not.”

Uma scoffed, choosing to focus on the way that water squished in her shoes than on the way that Prince Ben was looking at her. It was a look that was somewhere between the blind faith that Gil always showed her and the intense genuine interest Harry never failed to give her. It was unnerving seeing the ways the gears were turning in Ben’s head but not knowing exactly what he was thinking.

Silence settled thickly between them as Ben walked her around seemingly aimlessly. Not for the first time, Uma wondered how in the Seven Seas she found herself in this awkward situation and if there was any way she could get out of it. She just wanted to change clothes and hide away in the makeshift security of the library. Pretending that Mal didn’t exist. That Jay didn’t exist. That she didn’t have to once again lose what she wanted just to survive in this shitty world.

“You know, you’re not afraid to be honest, even with the a future king,” Ben grinned brightly once again though the remnants of their previous conversation obviously still weighed on his mind. “Another reason why I suppose Harry likes to spend time with you.”  

“More like stalking,” Uma murmured with no real heat.

“You’re important to Harry,” he shrugged with a grin growing wider, trying to hide his barely concealed giddiness when her cheeks darkened at his comment. “And I think it’s important to vet my fiance’s new girlfriend.”

Nearly tripping over her feet, Uma quickly spun around to face him, eyes wide.

“FIANCE?!?!” she snapped. Lightning flashed brightly above followed by a loud thunder clap. Uma ignored the way her heart felt like it was being stomped upon.

Barely a second passed before Ben broke out into laughter. Uma frowned, resisting the urge to stomp hard in the nearby muddy puddle and splash him. Instead she crossed her arms and demanded to know what was so funny.

“Sorry, sorry,” Ben apologized, a chuckle or two still escaping. “W-when Harry and I first met we were both really young and I had much longer hair,” he explained grin still wide on his face in nostalgia. “When our parents introduced us to each other, Harry apparently thought I was the prettiest girl he had ever seen and proposed to me right on the spot. When our parents had stopped laughing and explained that I was a boy he said just shrugged and said he would have a pretty boy as his husband then.”

Something in Uma’s chest twinged at the the thought of a little Harry, all wild, wind-swept dark hair and bright blue mischievous eyes taking a confused young prince’s hands in his and proclaiming his intent to marry.

“You know you just gave me perfect blackmail material against him,” Uma managed to smirk.

“And I hope you put it to good use,” Ben winked at her before his expression quickly sobered.

The rain around them seemed to lighten as Uma watched the little twitches his face made as he tried to make up his mind on whatever he was thinking. He was too easy to read, something that she realized she didn’t necessarily want to exploit at the moment.

“Listen Uma,” the prince sighed, looking at her with such an open and concerned expression she had to look away, fiddling with the sleeve of her rain and mud soaked jacket. “I know we haven’t had the chance to talk all that much but Harry never shuts up about you. Actually,” he chuckled slightly in thought, “I’ve never seen him like this with anyone else before.  He really cares about you and maybe I shouldn’t say this, but he looks at you like...well, like the way I expect a person does when they’ve found their true love.”

“Or maybe it’s just gas,” Uma hissed, suddenly feeling angry, pushing down the realization that she wanted his words to be true. She wasn’t some pretty pink princess. Who was this boy to tell her this? To play with her heart that had been broken and torn and stomped on so many times by crushing tentacles and purple heeled boots and give her something that she had long ago learned to abhor: hope.

The sky that had once seemed to have lighten quickly became dark again.

Ben shook his head. “I’m not lying to you. You’re-”

“I’m just a good time , aren’t I?” Uma cut him off, moving away from underneath the protection of the umbrella to put some space between them, her glare not letting up even as rained rolled down from her hair to her skin. “Probably placed a bet with you and the rest of you uppity goody-doers.”

“Uma,” Ben said placing a gentle hand on her arm when she tried to move from underneath the umbrella. Though gentle, his eyes were hard and Uma was hit with realization that her sailor was cared for. People cared about Harry. The prince cared about Harry.

That realization made her both somber and jealous in a way that she had difficulty understanding.

“Harry cares a lot about you. Deeply. He wouldn’t have given you his mother’s necklace if that was case,” he nodded towards where he knew the necklace was hidden underneath her shirt.  “His younger sister, CJ, wouldn’t be hounding me for details about you if he wasn’t head over heels. I mean,” he shrugged, letting go of her arm and seeming to struggle to find the right words. “When I look at you both...it just...it just fits. Does that make sense? Like you two were made for each other.”

“You’re talking about true love aren’t ya?” Uma groaned, nose wrinkling in distaste. Love was looked down upon the Isle. Love made you foolish and stupid. That was one thing her mother did teach her. “That shit doesn’t exist.”

“How can you be so sure?” he said with such a gentle smile that it made Uma nauseous to realize that he was being completely genuine. “I’m...I’m actually really jealous of Harry,” Ben continued, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, eyes growing dim for just a moment. “I-I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who I wholeheartedly wanted to give the moon and stars for.”

“Not even with Princess Sleeping Snobby?” Uma found herself asking, somewhat surprised to find that she was genuinely curious about his response.

Ben sighed as if he was reminded of a great burden. “Maybe at one point I think I did,” he said smiling at her sadly, a far off look in his eye. “But I’m actually not sure anymore,” he sighed before ushering her back under his umbrella. “Sometimes, I feel like the person I’m searching for is only real in my dreams. I mean, I thought- I thought if…” He stopped shaking his head. “Nevermind,” he smiled not at all convincingly.

She wanted to ask more, not to exploit him but because she was actually genuinely curious. She noticed, however, like walking out of a fog, that rain was no longer falling around them. This time, they were now inside the boy’s dorm, rain continuing to fall as a light sprinkle outside.

“I figured we could ask Harry for some spare towels,” Ben grinned down at her, a hint of his previous mischievousness in his eyes before she could stop him from knocking on the door.

They both paused when the door was pushed open on its own. Ben paused, worry evident before suddenly pushing further inside, calling Harry’s name, Uma at his heels. She held back a curse though when she bumped into the prince’s back when he suddenly stopped.

When she peered around the prince, she immediately wished she hadn’t, knowing she would never get the image out of her head of Harry lying on the ground, deathly pale with a familiar yellow bandana clutched in his hand.

---

On the Isle, 10 years ago

When they were six, when she jumped into the filthy water that surrounded the Isle after his brothers tied him up to the heaviest pieces of cement, she hadn't been trying to save him.

To be brutally honest, she didn't care one clam if one of the few legitimate sons of Gaston drowned or not. There were plenty of Gaston bastards on the Isle to replace the littlest LeGume runt.

However, Mal had dared her to. (Instigated her. Taunted.) The half fae had guessed that the cement would pull the young boy to the deepest of the deep murky depths of the surrounding waters and stated that she didn't believe that Uma was big or strong enough to swim down and retrieve the boy, despite her mer-folk lineage.

“ At least I know how to swim, Dragon Breath,” Ursula’s daughter had teased in that way that only close companions, friends, could. That way that had no real bite but underlining affection that was only still present in the youngest of the Isle before it was beaten out of them. (Neither of then realized how in four years that nickname would be said as a curse and with the force of a storm threatening to rage on the horizon...)

So Uma swam, barely breaking a sweat as she reached the water’s bottom where the youngest son’s of Gaston struggles were beginning to slow, gaze growing heavy, the amount of bubbles leaving his mouth diminishing.

For a moment, Uma thought about leaving him and just grabbing the silly yellow bandana he always covered his head with at least for proof that she actually did make it to the bottom of the water. Letting him drown would probably be the nicest thing she could do for the boy, anyway. After all, life on the Isle had no place for one so weak…

She was just about to swim away after grabbing his bandana when a slightly larger hand grasped her own. For a brief second as she looked back at the boy, their eyes met and something that Uma hadn’t realized was untied within her knotted.

Mine , was the only word she could put to the feeling that forced her to cut the ropes of the then once again unconscious boy before kicking her legs with a strength not common in a girl of her size until they broke the water surface.

And as she pulled Gil back to shore, seaweed stuck in her hair and Gil coughing up water along the way, Mal watched from the safety of dry land with narrowed eyes, clenched fists, and raging jealousy held within her tiny frame…

Mal rolled her eyes as she stepped back as Uma dragged the nearly drowned boy onto land, watching as the teal hair girl nearly glowed with smug satisfaction from the boy’s praise after he had the chance to cough up all the water.

Mal noticed the boy’s signature yellow bandana had been dropped on the wet sand at some point, forgotten by its owner. She picked it up, smiling wickedly to herself as she shoved it in her pocket for a later time.

“If you can’t take it,” she thought, continuing to watch as Uma pretended to hate the attention the Gaston boy was giving her. “Break it…”