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polkee · 8 years

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And so, yesterday I passed my driving test, and it left me with mixed emotions. I'm happy because I passed on my first try. I have always had high expectations of myself and I know that I want myself to pass on my first try too. However, during the whole course of driving, I have constantly felt like a failure, like someone who couldn't drive. While most people took 20+ lessons, I took close to 40 lessons before my instructors and I felt that I was ready for the test. I'm sad because... I miss so many things about driving centre. My instructors, my car, the travelling (especially the looking forward to driving after a terrible day at work), the driving with L plate on, with instructor next to me, with an assistive brake that could save me anytime... sigh, it was such a bittersweet farewell with my instructors yesterday): This driving exam was such a traumatic one for me... I think I should journal it down here. My warm up was at 1.45pm and my instructors told me to report at 1.30pm. I ubered down from work and reached at 1.20pm. I reported to the warm up room. They took my IC and training book and told me to wait. Soon, a warm up instructor picked me up and we went onto the courses. Everything was good. I mean it was really fun that I could cut queue! Giving way to others has finally paid back! So anyways, there weren't much mistakes. Only had to do correction during crank course and a little during vertical parking (my biggest nemesis)! Hit the roads and everything was fine. Went back to the centre and he brought me to the TP centre to deposit my IC. He briefed me on what would happen next and then we went to the waiting room. Waited and waited. Soon, someone came and called my name. I followed him out and recited my IC number. I lead him to the car and settled in the car. *pretend to adjust mirrors*. TP suddenly said alot of things - 'show me how you check blindspot', 'remember that everytime you reverse, you got to check the back so that you won't lose marks', 'take your time with the courses and listen to my instructions', 'don't be nervous m, treat it like a normal lesson'. Lastly, 'if you're ready, let's go'. Turned into circuit and first stop, parallel parking. As it was such an awkward turn into the parallel parking zone, I was too close to the right. THANKFULLY I DIDN'T HIT THE KERB! Barely made it in and the moment I put the gear to 'P' and applied handbrake, he said 'you didn't check the back. Don't you know how to follow instructions?' *bite lips in regret*. Moved on to the slope, which was another very awkward turn. Ended up in the middle of the slope when I was supposed to be on either side. *bite lips again in alot of regret*. Never mind, did the usual checks and signals and went on. As I reached the bottom of the slope, there were just so many cars and I couldn't turn. Stayed there for 3 mins and somehow, managed to drive out from there. Along the bend, the command came 'turn to 13 (response ramp)'. Response ramp was fine. Though I felt that I was too close to the right. But at least I cleared that! Went on along the bend to vertical parking. Did my safety checks and parked. PHEW NO PROBLEMS KNOW! though i think i only has a 1cm gap between my right door and the kerb. But at least, never strike or mount! Phewphewphew! Turned into S course which went well too. Went on to crank course and though I didnt strike kerb, he commented that my turning angle was too wide and it was very risky, almost strike kerb. With an anxious heart, he asked me to turn right as I leave the crank course and hit the general circuit. As I was driving along the circuit, he said 'can you drive, please press the accelerator' and so I did. That point reached - that fateful E-brake point. I saw that there was no car behind me *sian* and he kept asking me to accelerate and there was a sudden 'BANG'. I braked immediately and thought that the car was gonna flip forward know! Thankfully I didn't scream! Signalled, checked and went off. Turned out of the circuit into the main road. At first glance my thought was 'shit, the road's kinda busy with heavy vehicles'. Turn left onto the main road and was given instructions to turn left again. There was a zebra crossing and a give way sign. My instructors told me if there was no car turning into that lane, i don't need to stop at the give way line. There was no one at the zebra crossing so i slowed down and checked for any traffic coming and didn't see anyone turning into my lane. Did my turn left checking and turned into my lane. TP said 'why didn't you stop? There was a motorbike coming into your lane!' And in my head it was 'oh shit' once again. *bite lips in regret again*. At this point of time, i thought i failed already cause I kinda 'caused harm' and it was worth an immediate failure. So, i just went on the test with a failed-person mentality. Throw back to talking to my social worker in the morning, what's the worse thing about failing, she asked me. And our conclusion, just pay another $600. Then we did lane change to the right to do a u-turn. He told me off for my lane change. He said that I was swerving too much. U-turn was okay. Then lane changed again to the left and he said 'why did you change lane' and when i looked up, a car just broke down on the left lane, and so i had to change lane again. He made me change to the left and suddenly gave the next command, to turn right at the next junction. I did my silly mistake again, to swerve into the next lane instead of gradually going into the next lane. Did my right turn and returned back to the circuit to stop the car. We went to the second floor and he told me to sit at the TP centre. I was waiting at the TP centre for 5 mins and I saw alot of fellow testees going into this other room. Thinking back, I didn't clarify with him where I was supposed to go and so I thought he meant go into the room and take a seat. So I went in. He came in soon after and said 'eh you dont understand instructions is it? I asked you to wait outside' *bite lips* and apologised. We went thru my mistakes, with him doodling on my result slip. My head was too much in a mess to actually count the number of points I scored. As he went on nagging, i thought i failed my exam already. And it all sounded like I don't deserve to drive): just as i was about to resign to fate and say okay, i'm gonna redo, he suddenly said 'okay ,18 points, you passed' OMG DID I HEAR WRONGLY?! I smiled and thanked him although I felt like I was on the verge of tears. He left with his final pieces of advice and congratulated me. Told me to go outside and get my license done. I left the room, took my queue number, sat on the chair and burst out in tears. Pretty sure everyone around me was shocked. Cause only people who passed will be sitting at that area and people who passed would be happy right, why would anyone cry. So anyways, got my license settled, went back to the warm up room to get my refund done and to take my training book back and waited for 4pm to come so that I can settle the safety video. Done with the safety video and was trudging out of this place where I had so much fun for the past 5 months when I saw my instructor. I waved and ran towards him and showed him my result slip. Told him all the stupid mistakes I made and how I cried after everything. He said the TP was very lenient with me already and marks don't matter. What matters most is that I passed and got my license. Yupp, I DID IT(: Though it was quite traumatizing for me, it would be an experience I will never forget. My nice instructors and TP, my super encouraging friends and family. Thank you for being part of my driving license journey(:

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