#anyway... putting it on Crozier's playlist was a Choice | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

stoportotouch · 3 months ago

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since we're sharing our playlists for these sailors, here is the first of mine. which is, of course, a hodgson playlist. "liner notes" as it were (along with selected lyrics that i am thinking of, maybe) below the cut.

i. welcome to the machine (pink floyd)

welcome, my son, welcome to the machine. what did you dream? (it's alright, we told you what to dream.) a fact about me is that i really like pink floyd. a fact about welcome to the machine is that it is... a surprisingly miserable piece of music (even when taken in the context of pink floyd's discography). a fact about hodgson, on the other hand (or more a fact about me that relates to hodgson) is that i'm completely convinced that he has, in the show, the clairvoyance powers that crozier has in the book. this is partly because they make about as much sense on him, really, as they did contextually on crozier. but also: you know. (all the pink floyd songs on this playlist naturally relate to this.)

ii. set the controls for the heart of the sun (pink floyd)

witness the man who raves at the wall making the shape of his question to heaven whether the sun will fall in the evening: will he remember the lesson of giving? pink floyd are back again (or perhaps i am back at pink floyd again). i think this is one that hodgson would actually listen to, as well as it really making me think of him. it's one of the more psychedelic ones and it is... weird. this is further to my theory that hodgson has crozier's catholic aunt-linked clairvoyance. but also. you know. self-destruction that also harms the people around you. not necessarily un-hodgson-like.

iii. dirty night clowns (chris garneau)

let them be buried, buried alive in their suits, in their ties trees to shade the moves that they make in their suits, in their ties if you know what i was interested in to grant me knowledge of this particular song then i am shaking your hand. anyway. hodgson is far too self-aware for a guy in a horror story. this is a major problem for him and probably contributes to how haunted he looks a good 90% of the time after episode 2.

iv. wine red (the hush sound)

i cut the arrow from your neck, stretched you beneath the tree among the roots and baby's breath, i covered us with silver leaves YOU KNOW.

v. childhood's end (pink floyd)

long past thoughts and memories, childhood's end, your fantasies merge with harsh realities and then, as the sail is hoist you find your eyes are growing moist: and all the fears never voiced say you have to make the final choice hey didn't we hear from these guys earlier? anyway my personal theory is that growing up in a cathedral close (note: the historical hodgson did not grow up in a cathedral close) had awful effects on hodgson's mental health. it also made him far more inclined to join the navy.

vi. wish you were here (pink floyd)

did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts, hot ashes for trees? hot air for a cold breeze? cold comfort for change? did you exchange a walk-on part in a war for a lead role in a cage? you will not escape pink floyd in this playlist. i could probably have done an entire playlist for hodgson just with pink floyd. anyway, how about that mutiny camp, huh?

vii. high hopes (pink floyd)

encumbered forever by desire and ambition, there's a hunger still unsatisfied: our weary eyes still stray to the horizon, though down this road we've been so many times. just a couple more pink floyd tracks left. interestingly this one is also quite fitzjames-y, but i assume that you can intuit what about amc's the terror might make me put high hopes on a character playlist.

viii. take it back (pink floyd)

now i have seen the warnings, screamed from all sides it's easy to ignore them, god knows i've tried all of this temptation, you know it turned my faith to lies until i couldn't see the danger or hear the rising tide. (she can take it back, she will take it back some day.) i know you all know that my hodgson is trans but because i never actually finished the thing where he spends a few days hallucinating a rotting pelican you might not be aware of how i have conceptualised his relationship with his pre-transition self. this, uh. he views her (basically) as a separate entity from himself who he at once feels incredibly sorry for and hates and feels only contempt for. i think this would become quite a complicated interchange by the time they were marching out.

ix. poles apart (pink floyd)

did you know? it was all going to go so wrong for you? and did you see? it was all going to be so right for me? why did we tell you then? you were always the golden boy, and that you'd never lose that light in your eyes. this is sort of the opposite side of the "you're me, technically, but also you aren't and i hate you but i also wish i didn't have to" relationship that hodgson has with his younger self. this is something that i have put onto him of my own volition, granted, but i don't feel like it's too much of a stretch.

x. when the tigers broke free (pink floyd)

it was, i recall, in the form of a scroll, with gold leaf adorned: and i found it one day in a drawer of old photographs hidden away and my eyes still grow damp to remember his majesty signed, with his own rubber stamp. songs that have made me cry on the tube. this one is partly on here for. you know. relatively obvious reasons. but also there is something that always makes me feel Something Or Other about the combination of like... detatched adult assessment of the situation (the forward commander was told to sit tight when he asked that his men be withdrawn) and the far more personal but also far more childish personal assessment. and not just "and that's how the high command took my daddy from me" (although that's, you know, the obvious one) but, like, "and good old king george sent mother a note when he heard that father was gone".

xi. dear god (xtc)

the hurt i see helps to compound the father, son, and holy ghost is just somebody's unholy hoax and if you're up there, you'll perceive that my heart's here, upon my sleeve i also think that hodgson secretly stopped doing anything more than just saying the words without really believing them a long time ago. it's particularly difficult for him considering that he knows the words particularly well and feels like he should believe them because of that.

xii. frank sinatra (cake)

beyond the suns that guard this roost, beyond your flowers of flaming truth, beyond your latest ad campaigns, an old man sits, collecting stamps, in a room all filled with chinese lamps: he says that he'll be rich some day this is more of a "just sit down and listen to it" one.

xiii. rebel rebel (david bowie)

honestly, i have a particularly abiding love of david bowie. this is partly because somebody who i went to school with and did not even remotely like does not like him And Therefore. but also, this is a particularly charming song. (note on the guy in question: i have seen the fucker on my dashboard at least a few times because, unfortunately, he has an Obnoxious Little Internet Presence.) anyway. this is Vibes Only and not so much lyrics.

xiv. breaking the girl (red hot chili peppers)

twisting and turning, your feelings are burning, you're breaking the girl (she meant you no harm) think you're so clever, but now you must sever you're breaking the girl (he loves no-one else) there is... perhaps a bit more to how i write irving and hodgson's relationship than i have discussed here explicitly.

xv. over the hills and far away (led zeppelin)

many have i loved, and many times been bitten, many times i've gazed along the open road many times i've lied, many times i've listened, many times i've wondered how much there is to know to me, hodgson in part inherited his musical taste from his dad. this is not information that could be tortured out of him under most circumstances. however.

xvi. it's the end of the world as we know it (and i feel fine) (r.e.m.)

the other night, i dreamt of knives, continental drift, divide mountains sit in a line, leonard bernstein leonid brezhnev, lenny bruce, and lester bangs something something leonard bernstein

xvii. space oddity (david bowie)

though i'm past one hundred thousand miles, i'm feeling very still and i think my spaceship knows which way to go tell my wife i love her very much (she knows) can you tell that i was originally intending for this whole playlist to be (for want of a better word) dad music? that kind of fell apart somewhere along the line but uh. i feel like hodgson's sense of identity is... not really there.

xviii. under my skin (jukebox the ghost)

i don't think there's anyone under your skin, like a cheshire cat, i think that you are just a grin: and i can feel you laughing, under my skin and the happy palpitations are making me grin one of hodgson's less-explored problems (as far as i'm concerned).

xix. march of the jobless corps (daniel kahn)

we don't have to pay no rent sleeping in a camping tent dumpster diving don't take money, every bite we share with twenty this one is a bit more marginal. no less, hodgson would probably enjoy klezmer, at the very least, and i do think there is a lot of Bitterness in there. perhaps not as directed as this bitterness, but a lot of it no less.

xx. london calling (the clash)

the ice age is coming, the sun's zooming in engines stop running, and the wheat is growin' thin a nuclear error, but i have no fear 'cause london is drowning, and i? i live by the river! an historical note: the title of this one is a play on germany calling, which were a series of... insulting broadcasts made by english collaborateurs abroad in europe during wwii. (including one who called himself lord haw-haw.) anyway i don't think a lot of Fandom Stuff really gets the amount of... admittedly usually self-directed anger that hodgson has. this is because i am the one and only person to understand him.

xxi. lent (autoheart)

slip up, faux pas, yet another mistake when we blunder, all i see is another thunderstorm brewing above the house of anarchy we share when we have a visitor, they are visibly disturbed: they don't wanna hang around in the company of you and i and i don't blame them one iota, no i don't. something about the faux-bubbly, poppy tone combined with somebody just. turning to another person and going "i hate you. i hate you so much. i genuinely hope that you curl up and die immediately after the end of this conversation. god, you are the worst person alive." is so... hodgson-like. not even necessarily directed at anybody in particular, in spite of the awful relationship that i think he and irving had on board hms excellent. just... general complicated and by complicated i mean contemptuous relationships with everything and everybody around him.

xxii. curses (the crane wives)

there's still cobwebs in the corners, and the backyard's full of bones. won't you stay with me, my darling, when this house don't feel like home? this one, on the other hand? very much to do with irving. there was a period of a few weeks between irving ghosting him and him riding irving again to get it out of their systems during which hodgson was just. genuinely wishing ill upon him and thinking that it would be a great favour to everybody if irving just got over himself.

xxiii. for the departed (shayfer james)

dry your eyes and count to ten, they'll have me on the pyre by then forget the man i used to be, you'll move along more easily now i must finish what i've started: i'll write a symphony for the departed

xxiv. wonders (s.j. tucker)

there must be blood, and this i knew: surely there can be wonders, too? i cannot leave the cages locked, or well enough alone i can only be myself when i am so far from home this one is just... nice. tbh. and honestly this style of filk is something that i'm so fond of; i've loved it since about 2009 when i first discovered heather dale.

xxv. birdhouse in your soul (they might be giants)

i have a secret to tell, from my electrical well it's a simple message, and i'm leaving out the whistles and bells so the room must listen to me filibuster vigilantly my name is blue canary, one note spelled l-i-t-e this one is just quite sweet. and, well, you know.

xxvi. the distance (cake)

no trophy, no flowers, no flashbulbs, no line: he is haunted by something he cannot define bowel-shaking earthquakes of doubt and remose assail him, impale him, with muscle-truck force a fact about me is that i first discovered this song in a yu-gi-oh! gx amv when i was about nine. it is still a banger.

xxvii. time (aliceband)

he's like an animal, a little small, a little simple he makes me little bruises, he makes me feel as if i'm new to this are you agreeing with me? and are you breathing? let me touch you 'till you are nothing let me hold your heart in my hands (give me time) ah. yeah. dead boyfriend.

xxviii. a deer mistaking candles for headlights (crywank)

does the blank stare scare you more than the frown? am i the reason that you feel down? distant but rational bringer of rage, to get to a level where i will engage i am a tentacle: incapacitated obstacle i am obsolete and apathetic. thoughtlessly apologetic which my actions (or lack thereof) negate the person that i said i was ya know.

xxix. mykonos (fleet foxes)

pallid animals in the snow-tipped pines, i find hatching from the seed of your thin mind, all night and you will go to mykonos, with a vision of a gentle coast and a sun to maybe dissipate shadows of the mess you made again. ya know. (it must be rough for your last conversation with at the very least your dearest friend to be you willfully sulking at him while he grits his teeth and tries to ignore you.)

xxx. it tore your heart out (dirt poor robins)

such a pure devotion to your skin who'll absolve you from your sin you flee communion, paranoid, now your cup is the void it tore your heart out, oh, when you didn't understand why the beat had started: it tore your heart out! honestly i particularly love this band in general. they will be here again. either way, i don't think hodgson understands or likes himself very much.

xxxi. puppet loosely strung (the correspondents)

let me put myself in your shoes as a puppet loosely strung did you feel the weight of others' views? or was their ignorance a source of fun? i hated the whispers in the street: do you oppose a greeting, pulling the rug beneath their feet? i think hickey and hodgson were secretly far more aware of each other before. you know. all that. than we actually see. and that they were simultaneously fascinated by and utterly repulsed by each-other for this whole time.

xxxii. cannibal (tally hall)

i am the willing victim of a cannibal, she rips out my bones just like i'm an animal and right when i'm feeling like my blood is drained, she calls it a game (but the wound that she leaves is unmistakable.) (non-literal and sexy application of the term cannibal.) anyway. dealer's choice as to whether this is "the one time hodgson tried subbing and didn't much care for it thanks" or if he's not the narrator.

xxxiii. short skirt/long jacket (cake)

i want a girl who gets up early i want a girl who stays up late i want a girl with uninterrupted prosperity who uses a machete to cut through red tape horny music. again. (i think hodgson caught onto irving but uh. that is not a conversation that is ever happening ever.)

xxxiv. necromancin' dancin' (bear ghost)

they'll devour every hour of these endless-non progressive inundations of their kind and lucky for you, you're the next one in line when i'm necromancin', everyone's dancin' no-one can stop me, i dare you to try partly here because of the utterly out-of-touch lyrics partly because of how, like, baselessly aggro it is. calm down about the necromancy.

xxxv. romans 10:9 (the mountain goats)

if you will believe in your heart and confess with your lips, surely you will be saved some day i like this one. hodgson probably also does. in my mind he was a church chorister and he finds a song that includes the choristers' prayer to be comforting. (grant that what we sing with our lips we may believe in our hearts, and that what we believe in our hearts, we may shew forth in ours lives.)

xxxvi. the stately homes of england (noel coward)

we know how caesar conquered gaul, and how to whack a cricket ball: apart from this, our education lacks co-ordination obviously, chris lawton put mad dogs and englishmen on the Official Hodgson Playlist. i feel that this one is a similarly representative noel coward song.

xxxvii. coin-operated boy (the dresden dolls)

it's about owning a vibrator. this is obvious. i don't know what you want me to say about it.

xxxviii. pepper (the butthole surfers)

i don't mind the sun sometimes, the images it shows i can taste you on my lips and smell you in my clothes cinnamon and sugary, and softly-spoken lies: you never know just how you look through other people's eyes. mortifying band name, i know. however.

xxxix. euthanasia (will wood)

and i know, i know that i'm wrong, and when you're gone, you're gone and i can't bring you home :(

xxxx. that's enough, let's get you home (will wood)

watch me fold my hands just to crack my knuckles, well, here is the church, here is the steeple, open the doors, see all the people alright, that's enough, let's get you home hey, this guy again. anyway this one's about anal.

xxxxi. choke (I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME)

stop, drop, and drag me into place, and lock the fire escapes (i'll break your pretty face) oh, you clever little things, the sycophantic teens: what a precious basket case mostly for a hypothetical au where hodgson figures out what hickey is on and kills him both viciously and with massive amounts of aggression. i just think it would be fun.

xxxxii. judas (pollyanna)

i'm just a holy fool, baby you're so cruel but i'm still in love with judas, baby

xxxxiii. st. bernard 2 (lincoln)

st. bernards sit at the top of my driveway: (you always said how you love dogs) i don't know if i count, but i'm trying my best when i'm howling and barking these songs there are actually several variations of this song, but this one is the least... miserable. it's basically the same lyrics but without the rather more self-defeating second verse when the narrator is saying "well they wouldn't care if i died". as a result this one is far more sincere, i feel.

xxxxiv. redesign your logo (lemon demon)

just guess why i put this one on here because honestly i don't know either.

xxxxv. sweet tangerine (the hush sound)

crept through the curtains, quick as the cold wind slowly exploring the room where you sleep the stare of your portrait, the passing of your scent left me no choice but to stay

xxxxvi. dark in here (the mountain goats)

men whose ribs are showing through their skin bringing up the rear it's high noon somewhere, it's dark in here stack my ammunition, be ready when you come you who thirst for action, i will give you some

xxxxvii. before i got there (the mountain goats)

and in a pit behind the altar, the bodies of the fallen heavy tracks up to the lip, just to prove that they were crawling faces turned towards the sky that they would never see again victims of the fallout; i have failed you, sweet young men this is also quite. sir james. as music goes. but honestly hodgson has so many extra problems.

xxxxviii. pigs that ran straightaway into the water, triumph of (the mountain goats)

big bus headed southeast from the courthouse, but i'm not headed southeast from the courthouse: let some mysterious chunk of space debris puncture the roof, and set me free

xxxxix. heel turn 2 (the mountain goats)

drift down into the new dark light without any reservations you found my breaking point, congratulations spent far too much of my life now trying to play fair throw my better self overboard shoot at him when he comes up for air again. dead boyfriend.

l. i know you've come to take my toys away (the mountain goats)

skin flushing red and then glowing when you come inside and the moonlight washing all over you, i have got my mouth open wide and i know you've come to take my toys away and when it drops you're gonna feel it slightly more coy than the other Hornier Songs on here. no less.

li. chanson du bon chose (the mountain goats)

i am digging graves. i am digging graves. so i held you close to me i saw the shadows start to gather outside, beneath the sycamore tree

lii. heights (the mountain goats)

then you reached up, and you reached out, we'd been staring at the water all day and then you touched me, you were golden you were giving the game away

liii. wolf count (the mountain goats)

breach the perimeter with my brethren know who your friends are when you need them sleep soundly with the enemy, and remember me too dumb to trade his cloak for freedom

liv. i think i'm gonna kill myself (elton john)

think i'll buy a '44, give 'em all a surprise think i'm gonna kill myself, cause a little suicide stick around for a couple of days what a scandal if i died.

lv. old college try (the mountain goats)

i want to say i'm sorry for stuff i haven't done yet things will shortly get completely out of hand i can feel it in the rotten air tonight

lvi. brave as a noun (ajj)

and it's sad to know that we are not alone and it's sad to know there's no honest way out

lvii. sailor song (gigi perez)

if i'm honest after i heard this for the first time i had to sit down for a long time to think about it. it really... is. tbh i can't choose any part of it to highlight just listen to it.

lviii. katrinah josephina (universal hall pass)

as a child, she was quite mystified in searching for the soul with spade in hand, she soon began to dig a little hole at one league and fifteen years she ventured down her tunneled plight and was greeted by a troupe of dancing demons, stanced to fight

lix. ah! let me live in this dream! (charles gounoud)

i did of course have to get some opera in there. this is juliette's aria from roméo et juliette. i feel like hodgson is a bel canto liker, really. (i think little is too.)

lx. i drove my father to drink (SYR)

this one is just kind of silly but it has the right vibes.

lxi. almost human (aurelio voltaire)

look at me, i'm almost a human being these tears are real, i'm jealousy i'm spite and hate to the core, i'm mean, i'm nearly human hodgson has a lot of problems, i think. that is the central ethos of this playlist.

lxii. white houses (vanessa carlton)

maybe you were all faster than me we gave each other up so easily these silly little wounds will never mend i feel so far from where i've been so i go and i will not be back here again this is quite a Personal one for me as well tbh. i first discovered it at the beginning of secondary school and i still love it.

lxiii. severus and stone (radical face)

brother woke just after midnight, and he didn't make a sound and as he climbed from out of bed with severed rings around his head his feet didn't touch the ground you know, hodgson went away to eton the same year one of his brothers died. he never actually properly returned home after that.

lxix. chains (radical face)

now, here i stand, a pick in callused hands as the sun beats down across my back but in the end, i'm lost and i'll drag you down yeah, that's my cost and i'm glad you were my friend

lxx. second family portrait (radical face)

now, i live up north in the house for broken heads and my father comes and visits me whenever he can afford it sometimes, at night, when the voices quiet down i find i hope that i am missed and that they haven't forgot me radical face sure wrote a lot of music that is :(, huh

lxxi. sisters (radical face)

i'd hold your hand when the sky fell apart and you'd hold my hand if you felt me slipping back into the dark can't tell from the ground if the sky will fall can't tell from the sky if there's anybody down there at all it's empty hands or empty plates

lxxii. songs of the fleet: the middle watch

from a dim west to a dark east, our lines unwavering head as if their motion long had ceased, and time itself were dead vainly, we watched the deep below. vainly, the void above. they died a thousand years ago life, and the land we love

lxxiii. songs of the fleet: song of the sou'wester

o! i am the enemy most of might, the other be who you please! gunner and guns may all be right, flags a-flying and armour tight but i am the fellow you've first to fight: the giant that swings the seas. another nautical stanford song. this one is particularly... hodgson-y, in a slightly different way to the middle watch.

lxxiv. foolishly wrong (autoheart)

is that what you're scared of? ending up on your own? 'cause if you are, then go our love is bulimic, infected, endemic, and i just don't want that i really do like this band. punch is musically very clever.

lxxv. pelicans we (cosmo sheldrake)

and when the sun sinks slowly down, and the great rock walls grow dark and brown, where the purple river rolls fast and dim and the ivory ibis starlike skim wing to wing we dance around, stamping our feet with a flumpy sound op'ning our mouths, as pelicans ought and this is the song we nightly snort every time i reference hodgson and pelicans at the same time i'm more talking about the medieval iconography attached to the pelican than i am anything else. this, in any case, is his pelican hallucination.

lxxvi. catharsis (aliceband)

like a dream you fill me up make me cold just like a soldier trains our minds to do the killing even though he isn't willing i have pain and i am cold without your heat to make me bold just forget that we're not molded we're just solitary soldiers as i have also mentioned before. i think hodgson is quite complicated about goodsir, as well as about... well, most other things.

lxxvii. it gets better (aliceband)

and it's not, i know, but where can i go? when i love his whole, but his parts are so broken? and i've hurt before, and there's still a hole but i promised i'd give this a go

lxxviii. jerusalem (dan bern)

when i tell you that i love you, don't test my love accept my love don't test my love 'cause maybe i don't love you all that much

lxxix. the room is filled with people that love you (foresight)

now i drown, dead stuck in this town always lost when i'm found, in and out of space, in and out of phase feeling deep in the heart, it feels like tearing apart think i'll slowly fade away

lxxx. worms (re-edit) (aliceband)

and when i opened up the lid i found the room was full of girls and girls were always as a kid the things that scared us all the most and mostly i was scared of hurting one who saw through my disguise the one who saw that i was sore and wanted her to dry my eyes

lxxxi. the legend of chavo guerrera (the mountain goats)

red shoes dugan, holding his arm high, all out of breath i hated all of chavo's enemies, i would pray nightly for their death descending like fire on the people who deserved it most almost completely unknown outside of texas and on the west coast

lxxxii. moscow (autoheart)

irresolution doesn't suit you it's not hard, with you, i have an alibi you don't care the reason why i misapply all i need's a fraction of your happy heart, all i need is you

lxxxiii. factories (demo) (autoheart)

i am bride and groom in a darkened room, marrying anguish with one last wish: will you and i make a breakthrough? i have visited factories to see the best way to put together me will you and i ever feel brand new? (don't worry: he did eventually learn to stop trying to fix irving when irving did not want, ostensibly, to be fixed.)

lxxxiv. howl (the family crest)

do you, do you, do you want me, babe? here you state that a storm is waiting, dear turn the lights down low, 'cause one of us is surely gone i know you never meant to stay i know, love, we weren't meant to be

lxxxv. prayer (johnny hollow)

if i had a prayer, i'd say, god, you told us too much you showed us too much, and i've fallen too far so. about that mutiny camp.

lxxxvi. the eyes of extinction (seeming)

hunt me i'll be running stray from the pack blood and moonlight glow on my back want me come and and give me reason to sing turn me into anything confront me schrodinger's horny. tbh.

lxxxvii. leviathan (marah in the mainsail)

i dream in gold, bright as the sun, i see those black mountains move on the horizon i see a great snake, spitting, his pitchfork tongue scorching the earth 'till his death deal is done i see an ocean of violence, hiding the cold blooded beast leviathan this one is. curious. in part because the album that it comes from is so bizarre. this song is actually sung from the point of view of a clairvoyant owl predicting a very big forest fire. however, in the broader context of the story, it's uh. it's about the english civil war.

#ollie considers #the terror #george hodgson

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