#anyways I did use the phrase “neat circle” in the discussion which was great fun

[thepandalion]

tbh the best part of being part of a family that knows no chill is that I just had a philosophical discussion on whether or not chatgpt understands humans with a professional in AI and a psychology phd/phd student duo and even managed to throw in my two cents from the second year linguistics student perspective

what I'm trying to say is that we're all maxxing our skills in One Thing

which makes for Great discussions where we all have just Soo much to contribute

[slasherkisss]

Best Friends Are For [Carrie White/Reader]

[A commission for @space-and-sea​, featuring a platonic relationship between Carrie White and the reader! This was such a fun, cathartic one to write for me since I relate so much to Carrie ;w; If you’re interested in a commission please DM me!]

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To say that Carrie White had a hard life was a little bit of an understatement, that was certain.

Carrie would have preferred the concept that her life was a little bit of a Hell, had her momma not beaten her for even considering such foul language in her home. Life wasn’t Hell, she would scold her through the door of her closet as she clawed at the wood of the overly-confining space, and she should pray that it never would be! She should repent those words so that God might not take her up on that statement and truly send her to hell in order to make her regret every sinning in such a manner. So, Carrie often did not refer to her life as Hell. Rather she decided it was… hard. As little justice as that word did for her emotions at any given moment, it was enough to satiate the general pain of loneliness and annoyance that bubbled up under the base of her skin like salt on a slug. It was a sort of sting that she had grown used to though.

How sad was it, she couldn’t help but think, that she had grown used to it?

She thought on her life for only a few moments before the echo of her teacher’s word finally reached her ears. They once sounded drowned out, hidden behind a wall of water like she was inside of a fish tank, distorted and cold against the sun that shimmered through the classroom from the windows. Now she could hear it more clear, though, and behind the long locks of mousy hair, Carrie could only feel a sense of dread at the words that were spoken forward with mock sincerity towards the group of students before her.

“Alright class! For this next project, I’ll be assigning you to work in pairs! So please choose your partner quick as you can and then we’ll go over the details of the assignment.”

That was all it took. That was the whirlwind starting noise that pushed all of the bustling bodies forward. Carrie winced and cringed in her seat at the force of the students around her as they scrambled to find their friends, fingertips linked with laughs as girls located their best friend. Huffing tones of jocks arguing over the nerd of the class as they tried to be his partner for an easy A. The nerd looking semi-irritated but mostly uncomfortable as he was pushed around like a rag doll between basketball and football players the entire length of the choosing process, only to be bid like a horse to the captain of the lacrosse team who offered ten bucks and not to let him get beat up every day after lunch. She simply observed each movement with curious eyes, never making her own move to get up. To find someone new or old to pair up with.

Why would she? She knew what they thought of her. Sitting and staying quiet was bette than risking the humiliation of their laughs and ‘hell nos’ in front of other classmates.

Well, that was what she thought anyways.

Carrie blinked in surprise at the form that obfuscated her desk from the front and looked upwards at the face of the body. E/C eyes watched her with curiosity, a tilt of their head brushing hair along the back of their neck as they smiled politely, the curve of their mouth neat against their face. Carrie blushed at their closeness, her back hitting the very edge of her chair as she leaned away in surprise, eyes wide with shock.

You had seen her sitting alone, as she always seemed to do for most of her classes, and your heart was curious. Though a new student, having just transferred from a city miles away with no real important name, you weren’t unaware of the bias that seemed to surround the poor girl. The way people laughed and teased at her with mocking eyes and annoyed furrows of brows made your heart fill with rage as they all but bullied her into some form of quiet submission. That wouldn’t do, you decided as the group project was announced and you spent your time watching her carefully as students ran around and over her as though she were invisible, and you wanted to see if you could change that.

Not out of pity, of course, who wanted a friendship built out of pity? No, yours was curiosity. Yours was genuine interest.

Yours was determination.

“Hi,” You greeted with your best smile as you moved back slightly, aware of her shift in discomfort as she watched you with doe-like eyes, “I’m Y/N. New student here… You’re… ?”

“Oh… Carrie White.” She managed out, her voice so soft you had to strain your ears against the loud mocking noises of the students around the two of you. Still, she offered you her name. That was progress if you had ever seen it, you decided, and your smile grew more genuine as you reached out your hand with polite intent.

“Well,  Carrie White,” You hummed in general greeting, “I need a partner for this assignment. You want to be mine?”

The phrase came out a little strange, more like a confession than an actual request for a simple school project partnership. It wasn’t lost on Carrie as her face, pale behind that long hair of hers, turned red at her cheeks as she watched your fingertips with baffled confusion. You wanted to be her partner? Willingly? She wondered if the teacher had put you up to this for a moment. She could imagine him giving a pleading look and begging you gently in the back of his lips with a whisper to just take pity on her and pair up with her, so that she wouldn’t feel bad about having to work alone or be pushed out of a group, even if it was just two people. It was enough to bring a sense of annoyance to her stomach. Of anger as she let her brows furrow at your hand before looking back up at your face.

Her gaze softened when she saw your genuine smile hold itself with patience against your lips as you waited for her answer, never pressuring her to give it right away as you stood there with that same soft look on your face.

Were you really being serious?

Taking a breath, Carrie reached out and took your hand in hers with a weak willed shake of it. And, for a brief moment, she dared to smile.

“Um, yes, I’d like that a lot.”

That was all the two of you needed to seal your friendship, the pact made in the work of a class rather than blood or tears like any other pact might be made.

Carrie was a sweet girl, her interests limited but bright as she talked about them with you between studious notes written in the sides of books as the two of you researched for your projects. The discussions in the libraries often led to fits of giggles that would make the librarian snap at the two of you with a fierce ‘shush’, which in turn only made you stifle more giggles together as you tried (and usually failed) to focus back on work. It was the most well you had ever worked with someone, you realized in awe as the assignment both of you handed in garnered a beautiful ‘A’ circled on the researched front page.

Both you and Carrie could only look at one another with a mixture of awe and pride as you gazed up at your teacher, whose smile only indicated that he was pleased at how well the both of you had got on together during your work. The pride in your heart matched with the pride you had over your new friend. Over the effort she had put into the research and into knowing you so that the both of you would operate with perfect unison alongside one another. So neither of you would be left in the dust because, well, that simply wasn’t what friends did to one another. As you gazed at Carrie, who stared all but adoringly back at you, you couldn’t help but continue the smile that warmed your lips.

“We make a great team.”

A team you did make with her. One that lasted the entirety of the school year as the both of you spent time alongside one another. Her bullies were pushed away as you slid to her side, taking whatever crap they gave you and flinging it back at their own faces when they threatened to sneer at her. When one snarked at you, you would simply return the comment with a haughty tone and a biting look that threatened, no, DARED them to try something with you. The one who really did try in the middle of the year regretted it and, though you were sent to a week of detention after class, the slight bruise to your cheek and the bloody nose you got for defending Carrie was all but worth it despite her constant protests.

“You don’t have to stick up for me like that,” Carrie would whimper as she touched your sore face, “I can’t stand to see you hurt… Because of me, Y/N.”

To it, of course, you only smiled at her and pulled her into a hug.

“And miss a chance to tell those assholes what for? Trust me, I enjoy it.” So when you saw her running out of the lockers one day, her body shaking and refusing to look you in the eyes as she was escorted by one of the teachers amongst a chaos of laughter and yells, you knew something horrible had likely happened. Heads popped out after her to watch her form scurry away, their smiles fading only when they noticed you before them. Your fists were clenched and your teeth pulled themselves together in a grimace of anger, a look so terrifying that, if they could kill, the girls before you would be dead ten times over.

You felt rage bubble up in your stomach as you hissed the words of anger through your bared teeth:

“What did you DO TO HER?”

No one answered. Of course they didn’t. Taking a breath, you turned on your heels and sprinted down the hallway, ignoring warning calls about running in the halls in favor of finding Carrie. That was all that mattered now, not those sneering cheerleaders who would rather make fun of your best friend and do their makeup then dare to listen to reason. You felt your breath fall in shaky, nervous gasps as you caught up with your PE teacher and your best friend, your hands flinging themselves forward to touch Carrie, who flinched for a moment at your advance.

“Y/N,” Miss Collins voice was sharp but understanding as she knew it was you, “It’s not the time. You’ll be able to see her soon, just please go back to class.”

“But I-!” You tried to protest but were shooed away, forcing yourself to a stop as the two disappeared down the hall.

You heard whispers behind you. Sharp murmurs that echoed with burning heat in the back of your ears, causing you to turn your head around so fast that you almost gave yourself whiplash. Your brows narrowed, sharp and full of succinct anger at the students who talked around you with so little regard to the situation that it was downright disgusting. Your gaze must have reflected your opinion. One by one the group was stunned into silence as they met your heated glare, slowly dissipating and averting their eyes so that they didn’t have to stare into the fierce flame you had acquired. Clenching and unclenching your hands as tight as you could, you tried to find your breaths to make them more even. In and out, you tried to repeat, in and out.

Carrie would need you to be calm, after all. You had to do it for her.

Sure enough she was released from the principal's office a little over half an hour later. Your discovery of her location had led you to wait patiently outside of the door with growing anxiety biting at the tips of your toes as they tapped relentlessly against the linoleum of the school hallway. Your fingers fiddled with one another, nails punching into skin and teeth sinking into lips as you tried not to count every second that passed that you were without your best friend. Yet they still echoed in your mind like clockwork, a tick of each one making your foot beat faster on the floor as you pushed the thoughts away. One two… Three four five… Six, seven! Eight nine and-

“Y… Y/N?”

Carrie’s voice snapped you out of your reverie as your head shot upwards, staring at the girl to your side who watched you with those beautifully wide, doe-like eyes she always seemed to have on her. Her fingertips clung to the books covering the front of her body like it was a life line, desperate to hide herself from the world. To hide herself from even you. The thought made your hurt burn, but you understood the reasoning behind it. After all, the experience had been traumatic.

Your pain must have registered on your face because Carrie averted her eyes, biting her lip as she tried to push her hair further in front of her face. To hide from your gaze as you finally pulled yourself from it, reaching out and touching her shoulder with light fingers, more asking permission than initiating a touch fully. You felt her flinch, but she didn’t pull away or give another indication that it was refused. You let your hand hold her steady then, bringing yourself closer to her as you bit your lip with worry.

“How are you doing?” You couldn’t help but ask with worry lacing your tone, “What did they say in there?”

She didn’t answer for a long time, but you waited patiently for her to find the words. You knew that, sometimes, words came hard to her through her mind of frustrated phrases and bible verses her mother pushed upon her. When she did, at last, there was a slight twist to her smile that you recognized as her slightly sarcastic, annoyed look. The gaze that was saved only for you and her when she was sure no one was looking. When she was sure she could get away with such a face as she muttered low into your ear.

“He kept calling me Cassie.”

To this you couldn’t help but snort, covering your mouth as a small fit of giggles left you. Carrie smiled, your laughter infectious as you rolled your eyes and let your hand find her free one instead, taking it and lacing your fingers together with a sigh and another quick snort.

“Cassie! What a fucking joke of an ass,” You couldn’t help but cackle as you gazed at her softly, “Hey, did they still say you have to go to class?”

She shook her head.

“I can go home early…”

“Cool… Do you want to spend some time at the park before you head home?”

“O-Oh,” Carrie’s eyes widened in surprise, “But your classes-.”

You shrugged in response with a light chuff, “One day of hooky won’t kill me. Besides, you’re more important to me than some book or teacher’s lecture. I’d skip a thousand classes for you!”

“I wouldn’t want that!” Carrie laughed, squeezing your hand in hers and accepting your offer, the both of you sliding out of the door to the school fully and into the sunlight of the mid afternoon in Maine.

The walk to the nearby park was quiet, your only comments on the weather as the two of you enjoyed the fresh air. At your side, Carrie clung to you with the desperation of a lost child, hiding her form behind your own as she watched others pass by. As her eyes followed them with worry to their intentions before relaxing as they walked away. She hadn’t skipped school like this before, nor did she ever not go home straight to her Momma. The entirety of the experience was new and moderately terrifying, yet your hand in her own made her all the more confident as the two of you found a shady bench beneath a massive acorn tree, sliding into it with a sigh as your aching knees enjoyed a momentary reprieve.

Carrie sat at your side, her books placed gingerly on the bench next to her as the two of you watched the ongoings of the park with quiet interest. Old couples walking dogs and chatting with one another filled your peripheral. Families of children who were not yet old enough to go to school decorated themselves amongst picnic tables and frisbee games, screaming and shrieking their enjoyment as the weather warmed their skins and hearts.

Your gaze turned to Carrie again, a frown painted on your lips for a moment as you watched her space out. Her gaze focused languidly on the floor before her, her fingertips fiddling with one another as she seemed to try and remember how to breathe. Taking a breath yourself, you reached out and cupped her hands with your own, giving your friend a gentle squeeze to startle her momentarily out of her reverie. You mustered up the best serious look you could manage before her as she gazed at you with curiosity against her otherwise exhausted looking appearance.

“Whatever those fuckers did,” You began with a sharp annoyance to your tone as you referred to her classmates, “Was stupid and cruel. No matter what they said or what anyone tells you, Care-Bear, you didn’t fucking deserve any of it. If I was allowed to I’d give every last one of them a piece of my mind-! The shit they pulled… You don’t deserve it and don’t EVER think that you do, okay? I promise that if they ever try shit again-” You gave a lopsided smile at her, “-I’ll be there to chase them out of the room myself, okay? So… Please, don’t let it get you down so bad, alright? You got me in the end, I promise.”

Your words hit something within Carrie that seemed to break her. Her gaze held yours, searching hard through it for any sign that you might be lying… Any reasoning as to why, just why, you would say all of those kind things to her. Why you would spend so much time with her and why, oh God why, you would even consider being this close to her after all that had happened. Her stomach churned with something between delight, care, and excitement as she watched your genuine expression with shock. You meant every word you said, she had realized with awe to the slight slack of her jaw, and you wouldn’t take it back. When you said something, she had learned, you meant it. Each word spoken from your lips in the months she had known you had meaning. Had purpose behind each syllable and that alone was enough to amaze her.

Amaze her that you were you… That you were her friend.

All at once tears fell from Carrie’s eyes as she leaned forward, engulfing you in the most delicate of hugs that had you gasping as the wet of her tears lit up your shoulder. You suppress a smile of amusement as you hugged her back, sighing as you were encompassed in the warmth and scent of your best friend. She seemed to cling to you more as you accepted her movement. The two of you must have been quite a sight, you mused, with her sobbing into your shoulder and you clinging to her as though she might turn to mist and disappear.

It felt warm, though. It felt right.

“I-I appreciate you, Y/N,” Carrie whimpered into your ear as she pulled away, wiping her face as it grew splotchy and red with her tears, “I… I never thought i’d have such a good friend in my life. I really am blessed to have you in it and I-I… I don’t ever want to have another one. Just you.”

You laughed, leaning closer to her and sighing as you touched your shoulders together with a smile.

“More friends are okay, Carrie, we’ll just have to find people who can hang with us both! I… appreciate you too, though, yeah? You’re amazing and beautiful and creative and… Well, I think we make a pretty good team, don’t you?”

You used the same words you had done when you first met. When you first completed something together and shared that same feeling of accomplishment with one another. This seemed to mimic that same feeling for the both of you, the touch of your shoulders and glint in your eyes nostalgic as she smiled at you, her tears steadying into nothing as she gave only a swift nod of confirmation and squeezed your hand tight to hers. Tilting your head for a moment, another idea seemed to instinctively come into your mind, your heart beating as you smiled and sat up straighter than you usually did, the eagerness of your question causing it to nearly stumble off of your tongue as you bounced in your seat.

“Say, Carrie,” You whispered in excitement, “How about we go to the Prom? Togther?”

It seemed to take her a minute to process just what you had said to her, the words in one ear and out the other, only to boomerang perfectly back into her as she startled, her face red with blush now as she stuttered something you couldn’t quite catch and brushed her hair behind her ear as she bit her lip. Realizing your words may have been misconstrued, you found yourself back tracking as you held both of your hands up with wide eyes of your own, a nervous laugh bubbling in your throat as you stuttered out your explanation with extreme honesty:

“N-No-wait- fuck shit- I didn’t mean-! As friends, right? I mean, if you find a date for yourself and want to go with him then, for sure, you should go with him! Whoever goes with you is a lucky guy, after all but… If you just wanted to go with no pressure or anything, sometimes going with friends can be just as fun! We could both wear really nice outfits, I’ll help you pick out your makeup if you want to try and wear some! Oh and we could do it together before we come in and when we’re here we can drink punch and dance and-!”

“I’d love to!”

She blurted her answer out as fast as possible in the middle of your words, making you both stumble over them and erupt into a fit of friendly giggles as she reclaimed her status in the situation with a nod.

“I’d love to go with you, Y/N… I think that sounds like the most fun thing ever, a-actually! Yeah, let’s do it! Let’s go to the prom together!”

You cheered, all but tackling her into a hug as the two of you giggled with excitement, drawing gazes curiously over to you as older folks hummed in amusement, murmuring something about ‘the good ol days’ as they continued to walk their dogs. You couldn’t care, though. You didn’t want to. All you wanted to focus on was the fact that you had made Carrie White, your best friend in the entire world, the happiest girl on earth in that very moment.

“That’s the spirit! Carrie and Y/N, on an adventure in high school! It’ll be AWESOME.”

You laughed as she clung to you, smiling through her beautiful hair and giving a confirming nod, biting her lip before she spoke out, eager in her tone:

“I can’t wait!”

Carrie White supposed that, yes, her life was truly hard. The hardest it had ever been at her age… but… She had you now, didn’t she? Perfect, loud, amazing you at her side for as long as she stayed your friend.

That alone? It was enough to make her life ten times brighter than if it existed without you. And that enough was to make her the most grateful person on earth.