#anyways congrats on being born ig idk

[hekaates]

open letter to ems (part ii) — @officialjimmybuffet

Hey bitch. Happy birthday

First time it’s just a letter, second it’s a pattern, how long until it counts as tradition?

Maybe it’s weird but I started to write this letter on December 13th, 2022. 179 days until your birthday but I felt the need to start writing this, felt the need to put my sentiments into words.

Yesterday I sent you 18 audios, several minutes each of course, explaining you in deep detail the plot of the first Avatar movie. I watched it alone after my mom went to sleep and to be frank Im kind of glad she did or else she’ll catch me crying over the scenery of a planet that doesn’t exist, from a movie that I’m pretty sure doesn’t pass the Belchdel test (update: it does not, everything is about Jake Sully and his terrible habits). It’s sitting in the bathroom floor all alone, waiting for people to stop screaming at each other that makes me realize how much I needed you in my life, how much I need, and will need someone who understands and compliments (as in complementary) me as well as you do. I like Avatar because I’m insane, but also because I see someone so lost and so insane in their own world they have to go literally to another planet to find a home, because somehow they do and I think, fuck maybe I could to. Looking back at it, the fact Jakes best friend is a short haired ginger scientist (healthcare science is a science right?) might make it even more close to home. (I hope in the end of this story, I don’t turn blue and you die and come back reincarnated as my daughter, but if you do it’d be hilarious and pretty on brand for us).

Everytime I remember you exist I am no longer alone. One time we were talking about the saints (this phrase in itself explains our relationship better than any other thing I can say here) and we said: I’d pick your saint if you pick mine. I remember the first time I wrote it, I looked at the screen, I looked at me and I looked at you (the only way I can, deep inside my mind) and I realize that with no other person this sentiment would make sense, no other person could I send a message at 22h explaining the in-depth history of Brazilian reality shows and make it so that I’m not insane or annoying or terrible, no other person would I search the deep webs of Wikipedia to find out what Saint was killed on June 10 (ps. It’s Saint Olivia, that’s my sisters name).

Saint Emma is the keeper of pharmacy, Saint Luisa the keeper of grief, somewhere along the lines God made it so we can meet and this would make a little bit too much sense.

I want to thank you for always holding my hand, even if have never touched, even if we never do. Times passed, I forget to write and now your birthday is in 4 days and now it is in 2 days and I find myself plagued by a loneliness only you can fill (I think this is the gayest sentence I’ve ever wrote and that’s saying something). Right now I look at the sun and it’s 4pm here so it means that in the other side of the world it’s 3pm and you are looking at the same sun, as the sunlight burns the right side of my face I can’t help but wonder if right now, in the other side of the hemisphere, it burns the left side of your face, that in the sunlight our faces meet and become one (again, really going for the gayness vibe rn).

The only future I am content with is the one I have you by my side, it’s the one I can call you to spend christmas with my family be it next to a British young star celebrity or not (but like if god wants him to spend several christmases with me then like I can’t say no right that’s on God not me right anyways I’m getting of track-) In the good ending it’s Christmas afternoon and I’m sitting by the pool showing you how to open an earl fruit or a persimmon while my siblings play with the speaker. In the good ending we’re in a club in New Jersey and I have no idea how to order a drink, in the good ending, when the movie is about to be done I grab your hand and say “hey.”

So, yeah.

Hey.

[asmo-cosmetics]

okay so we know how satans deal in nightbringer is kinda weird in terms of age yeah? like hes technically only 1 year old at the beginning of nb but he has the body and mind of a full grown adult...like he was born as an already grown ass man even thouh hes only 1 year old? idk if that makes him the opposite of luke cause luke is over a thousand but has the body of a child...anyway the point is i was thinking about how the brothers have said that they all raised satan together? lucifer apparently did the most work raising him but all of them kinda chipped in ig? okay so imagine...they are teaching him about sex and sex stuff. teaching him how to make out and showing him how to masterbate and how to touch himself and touch them and ummmmm yum yum!

well congrats you have stumbled into my intricate web of satan headcanons so now you get to hear about that.

his age is so funny to me because i do have a personal take that I think makes sense but he's (a) chronologically the youngest but (b) the fourth "born" into the devildom as a servant of the demon king but also (c) technically the oldest demon of the brothers i think?? because he was born as fully a demon while the others were all still falling/turning?? but anyway

in my mind satan is effectively the same age as lucifer. or, at least, everything about lucifer that was "wrong" for an angel. lucifer's doubt is what became the wrath that became satan, and like here's the thing, that's canon? it's so weird to me how the fandom interpretation of his birth is "lucifer had feelings so hard that one time that he made a feelings baby" when the actual lore is so much cooler??

like, satan was born from defeat. from lucifer's wrath leaving his body as he fell. like maybe he was freed by feeling such disgust with his failure, or maybe he knew that he existed out of lucifer's desire to protect lilith and he was able to free himself because he wanted to give lucifer a better chance of saving her.

satan came to exist through the slow, steady churn of decay that happens when you make something as pure and as powerful as lucifer and tell it the injustice it is experiencing is righteous. satan isn't just wrath, he's lucifer's wrath, specifically, with all of that developing morality and edge-case sanity still in him like chewed gum. no wonder he's born hating his creator when his entire existence has been torture.

which is another thing, i fully believe satan remembers being a part of lucifer. not completely, more like spotty feelings and vibes, maybe a few specific moments. But Whatever

point is a case could be made that he's old as shit. i think he was created as an adult because he'd objectively already existed too long to be a child.

i do like your idea though now that i'm done with whatever that was. my instinct is to say the person he would go to the first time he got confused with something like that would be asmo, but then i went oh but lucifer would be fun or even mammon, but then i realized we're talking about satan, who would clearly first and foremost consult the library.

imagine at first he's purely researching like demon anatomy and biology to figure out what's happening to him and then gradually getting more and more into romance and then that's how whichever brother finds out what's going on. lmao but really do tell me more. which brother would you want it to be first etc.

[knowlessman]

…idk, world heroes mission ig (bnha movie 3)? not clear on whether the Hawks minisode thing is before or after it so I guess I'll watch it after

"quirk doomsday…" k so they don't like quirks, they're like the non-bender faction in korra. Still kinda feels weird tbh when you got powered folks and non-powered folks and they make a faction that stands up for non-powered people and then make them unambiguously evil. Granted, I'm making assumptions because this group is ticking every box on the "evil cult aesthetic" checklist. -- "we, pure humans…" you, sir, are a vedalken. …uh, that is to say, blue. you are blue.

ho shit they got a death star? …oh, sewer gas or summat -- …a… mutagen thingy? no, it's boosting quirks… -- "you don't have a quirk, do you? and you didn't happen to randomly get murdered by the twenty-odd major disasters we just set off that demolished half the city. congrats, prolly half the people you know are dead but some of them had powers so it's fine"

"ohey, we don't have a hero from egypt yet" copies some clipart "there, now we do"

…WHAT??? HOW LONG HAS HE HAD THIS ALT SKIN? should I have got a few episodes in first? gawd, figuring out anime movie timing is flat-out impossible

ohey it's that guy from this movie that people like

dang, the animators are showing tf off with this chase stuff. the parkour's almost reminding me of mirror's edge 'XD -- pfft, then he just casually rail-grinds down a staircase bc I guess his quirk is being from a tony hawk game

why do I have the annoying feeling I should be recognizing this eyepatch gu - wait. spends ten years scrolling thru his own tumblr looking for his comments from the first movie okay eyepatch guy KIND OF sometimes has a similar face to the, I think, swordkil guy from the first movie, but the hair is not even close, nvm -- um. …shit what was even happening. marcellus wallace's soul, right. cept I think it was a jewelry store, so more like his pinkie ring?

ah k, so rody rhodepecker gets wallace's soul cuz he thought it was the gems he'd had before, so now rody's in the main plot and I guess eyepatch is dead and the chipmunks are gonna have fewer dolls to pick up -- (deku and rody fight over the case and it falls open) marcellus wallace's… tax returns?

"we gotta move somewhere safer. I know! THE TOP OF A MOVING TRAIN is the perfect place to set down this civilia - " okay fine, "suspect"

what kinda topsy-turvy world is this where midoriya gets on a country's most wanted list before God Explosion Murder? …I forget, Bakugo STILL never got hisself a hero name, right?

ah, so the local gov is all in the doomsday cult. …eyepatch seemed to think those papers were important, but deku found nothing of interest, why does everybody want marcellus wallace's tax returns? I guess it's got important inside cult info in code?

"he's going to klayd. bakugo, come on, we have another country we need you to endanger" -- you know you're important when they assign the stelfiest cops on the force to tail you. todoroki and bakugo better find a corner to walk around if they wanna lose these guys

not the sharpest rat on the street, this rody, huh. also, deku's a heavy sleeper apparently. had his hand all over that case and rody was able to just slide it away with no problem. -- you, sir, are an inuyasha villain

-- ("why did you protect me?") "saving people with a smile" is never gonna stop feeling like a brand slogan to me.

…okay, road trip montage ig. good stuff ig. -- "you have a quirk, right?" deku you were fucking born without a motherfucking quirk what the hell kind of a question is that. anyway clearly the farting bird is rody's quirk

(rody gets blasted off a cliff then ice jets show up and idfk stuff) wowee, dangit guys, you're makin me dizzy with the camera zipping all over the damn place -- under the blades bakugo UNDER THE FUCKING BLADES THAT HELI IS GONNA MAKE A SMOOTHIE OUTTA YOU HAVE YOU NEVER WATCHED AN INDIANA JONES MOVIE -- …well damn, Green Arrowette, dramatic enough?

aha, a sneakret compartment -- and obviously it's the puzzle toy from rody's childhood because cults are all about getting the kids involved -- bet the cult woulda loved it if rody had solved it way back when and fucking swallowed the data chip. …random question, where does nintendo get off putting an entire game in a choking hazard just because they can? irresponsible af

"I'm one of the scientists that the cult kidnapped yadda yadda yadda plot stuff final message" and. and they just. plugged this into a computer and hit play. with the speakers on. in a hotel lobby or wevertf this is. with civilians watching tv. FIVE. FEET. AWAY.

bakugo: "only an idiot would make a key without telling you where the door was! where's the place with no bombs… there! that's where their base is!" BULL. SHIT. BAKUGO. IS A HACKER. also bullshit because didn't the first bomb go off literally a hundred feet directly above their base? -- "I'm working on it, damn nerd!" - hackugo the hackerman who apparently is the only computer literate person in the room

okay these wobbly giggly sword-whip guys bakugo's fighting, them I kinda like tbh, designwise at least. …I guess because they just remind me of so many soul calibur characters at once 'XD

"they told me they'd stop the Otheon bomb if I give them the key" okay ten trillion percent he's faking this time, right? …right? -- ohhh, eddie soul. I musta been barely listening to… uh. um. eyepatch guy's audio log 'XD -- "my quirk is that silly pink bird with the mask that farted on you earlier" -- "and also dodging really good" - ohp, okay, not dodging good enough tho

HIS QUIRK IS THE FARTBIRD I WAS FUCKING JOKING. I mean like cool he has a ranger animal companion ig, hell, Minsc has kind of the same thing going for him and he ruined at least one Magic format with it

(bakugo finally won his match)(todoroki is still drowning) freeze the water dumbass, damn -- oh wouldja lookit that, he froze the water

"his quirk has a limit!" I mean, I guess. wobbuffet's only got so much hp. …I swear to god this guy was probably literally and actually and in fact based directly off of wobbuffet, it would explain everything about his visual design -- "you gave up on trying to get people to like you, heroes never give up" deku please just shut the fuck up and finish this fight, every single time you try to say something to somebody about their backstory, you just come off as an ignorant dickhead

"there's no explosion…" marvin martian: "where's the society-shattering kaboom?"

(the fartbird plugged the thing in, probably ages ago) go for the eyes, Boo! the one in texas goes off anyway because the power grid failed again and the disarm code didn't get transmitted to the bomb

oh goody, the not-corrupt police officers arrested the one that was. he was definitely the only bad apple in the bunch, yessiree

…ayup. movie movied. villain had paper-thin motive compared to all for one's easy-to-grasp god complex or the actual literal nightmare that is tomura's, but wever. and rody's fun.

the Hawks Soothe thing is five minutes, huh. -- I think bakugo listening to todoroki's "write 'people' on your hand then eat it" thing is the first hint of character development for bakugo I've seen in maybe this whole WHAT in the FUCK is THAT supposed to be

-- hawks just casually strolling up wearing the carpet from the Shining

jesus christ my guy, this is why they knew to put you in that hannibal mask

okay so this was literally just a prologue of them clowning around in the airport for a couple minutes and I shoulda watched it first, I had them in the right order in my notes. …dammit

anyway, on to s6 ig - wait no apparently there're two OVA bonus episode thingies for s5? huh, it's them playing baseball. lol shoji's got three bats in the cover image 'XD

[thistleandthorn-rpg]

Congrats, Allie, on your app for Morgan Wilde!  Please check out this page for what to do next, and send us her blog within 48 hours.

OOC INFORMATION:

Name/Alias: Allie


Preferred pronoun: She/Her


Age (Must be 20+): 25


Timezone/Country: EST


RP Experience: idk a lot ig


Activity Level: 9/10


IC INFORMATION:

Name: Morgan Celeste Wilde 


Designation (Dom, Switch, sub): Dom 


Age: 33


Birthdate (click here for list): Oct 18


Claim: NPC


Faceclaim: Fiona Gubbelman


Orientation: Bi


Occupation: School Nurse, School Cheer Coach [ex surgeon]


Kinks: Role play, food play, pegging


Anti-Kinks: Gore, vomit

Key Points:

Playful

Confident

Clever/Logical

Sometimes bitchy

BIO

Morgan was first born to the Wilde family, and was a big personality from when she was little all the way to adulthood. Despite being decently bitchy, she always had friends, and was used to being known in most rooms in her family’s little part of town. Her parents were around, but weren’t really present, so when her siblings were born, she took on basically being their mother. She wasn’t great with feelings, but she was very smart. She couldn’t always just feel what other people were going through, but she could use facts and data to come to conclusions and try and help them. She was very present for the younger kids when they were young, but by the time they were 5, she was graduating high school and going to college on two scholarships: technology and cheerleading.

Having been raised as a dominant, Morgan excelled in campus life. She joined a sorority, and for once, she felt like she had a real family. Still though, she came home whenever school was on break aside from a couple spring break and winter break trips with friends.

At the sorority, she met a girl named Casen, and they had a relationship that while it wasn’t exclusive, was something neither of them had ever thought before that they’d make for themselves. After Morgan did med school and Casen went to culinary school, as part of a drunken pact, the two decided to enroll in the same academy. They expected to meet other people and that they’d just be there for each other as support. But when Casen got overwhelmed and it became clear that she had some preconceived notions of submitting that weren’t very healthy, Morgan stepped in. It was supposed to be for a two week project, but when the project was over, they kind of just didn’t stop. Morgan made sure Casen knew that there was more to submitting than just a duty of sex. She made the sub feel like a whole person. And Casen was a breath of fresh air for Morgan. She’d cracked into Morgan’s hard shell when they were sorority sisters, and she continued to turn Morgan into a human with feelings and some empathy. They got their claim approved at 26 since they’d already had that foundation before arrival at the academy, and then they sort of ‘adopted’ a switch named Wyatt, who Morgan claimed when she was 28. A slave named Amber rounds out their little family unit.  

Morgan has been a medical resident in Cincinnati for the past 5 years, and worked up the ranks quickly. By her second year residency, she was doing surgeries. By her third year residency, she was leading some of those surgeries. Her fourth year, she found out the hard way that she had arthritis in her hands. She did shots and physical therapy, and while her hand is plenty steady these days, the semantics of her condition are apparently not allowed for surgeons. The past year, she’s been working in the ER and consulting on surgeries, but she feels that as long as she stayed at that hospital, she’d be known as the demoted failed surgeon. Her submissives weren’t happy with her hours then anyway, so she is sucking it up and going back to something she’s known for a long time better than anything else: cheerleading. She’d been following the team at Stonewall Prep in Lima. They didn’t suck and now had an open slot for a coach, so she’s now headed to the academy as the school doctor. She’s pretty sure she’ll be bored out of her mind, so she’ll be looking for people to keep her busy. Her subs are okay with it, as long as she spills tea when they call about whoever she’s been doing things with. She’s a little scared about her subs living without her, but she plans to go into town to visit with them on weekends.

BIO QUESTIONS:

Describe your occupational journey and how you got to where you are.

I did med school, and then I went to an academy to round out education. After claiming, I got a residency in Cincinnati at a giant hospital, where I climbed the ladder by being skilled, bold, and casually bitchy. Thanks to a 0.76% under-performance due to arthritis, they were forced to relieve me of my surgeon job and put me doing other things. My subs got tired of an overpacked schedule for a job that wasn’t pleasing me anymore, so now I’m here as the go to doctor for everyone at Stonewall, as well as the new cheer coach who will see the Cheerios winning competitions in the upcoming season. 

How would you describe yourself as a Dominant/submissive?

I’m not in most things for power. I don’t need anyone’s help feeling powerful. When a do a scene or whatever, it’s for discipline or fun. It generally takes a lot to piss me off as a dom these days, but it’s been a while since I’ve done more than just visits to bdsm clubs with anyone but my own submissives, so we’ll see.

How do you feel about authority?

I feel that people should have to earn authority. The fact that we give authority to more than a third of the population at random is really stupid. The world needs stupid people, but it’s our own damn fault for giving those idiots authority just because the headmaster of some school told them they were one word instead of another.

[tcntrums]

hello angels ! i’m scotty n i love having fun n exchanging memes n THIS ? is going to be a mess... i know it. anyways if u survive this rush of an intro post, give it a like or im me if you’d want to plot mayhaps ? i’m about to head out for a few hours, but i’ll be checkin’ in mobile or i’ll be around later to give u my full attention ! good luck n... i love u...

narcisa (who mostly goes by cici but if u dont do nicknames then narcisa is cool too) is ofc from a wealthy family. her parents own a whole bunch of resorts n hotels all over the world but prefer to stay where they are for the upper east #lifestyle. they’ve always been a very close n loving family n cici is definitely a warm n loving person as a result of their nurturing, but that doesn’t mean the expectations weren’t high n she’s also the result of that.

her parents (tho already born lucky) were both very successful very young and cici has always been like yep ! that’s going to be me ! her whole life, she’s always done the most to be the best at everything. it was never about showing other people up either ? it was more like “oh well if i can stay at the top of the class surely that means whatever i do next is going to be an instant success” bc she’d never actually witnessed failure of any kind in her life, it was always like a boogeyman of sorts as opposed to something that happens every now n then. she’s never done anything underhand to guarantee her success tho, she's always just been very dedicated n poured her heart and soul into everything she’s ever attempted. if u don’t get it yet, she has to be a standout. failure is 1000000% not an option... like relacks...

up until abt six months ago, she was studying strategic communication at columbia and she really did love it until she ruined it for herself by being too all work and no play about everything. she was consistently top or v near the top of her class and spent all her free time volunteering n networking. so here we are... she’s stressed trying to be perfect n has not released any of it over abt a year ? she stumbles once during a presentation, hears someone in the back laugh (even tho it probably had nothing to do with her) and ? she snaps. this wasn’t the first time smth like this has happened as a result of all the pent up stress n anxiety but it was the worst. she’s actually wailing and throwing things, a chair makes it through a window n there’s even a rumor (just a rumor tho) that she tried to stab herself in the neck with a pen UMMMM

her parents forced her on a three month vacation while they tried to clean up the mess but ? they really could not. the school ‘asked’ that she not return bc yk... she got pretty dangerous at the end there and no one wanted to take her on. when she came back all bright eyed n bushy tailed they just couldn’t handle letting her down (or obviously risking another breakdown) so they paid a celebrity pr company to take her on as an intern. she knows her father’s connections landed her the position, but she’s programmed herself to ignore that. she aced the interview and she works hard. she’s the perfect employee, but her reputation is still a mess so her father is actually... paying her boss a whole lot to mentor her. cici doesn’t know this n if she did ? naught good.

anyway ! that’s where her life is at now so let’s look at her personality... these will be much shorter n sweeter i promise !

like i said... she’s very warm and loving. she’d be the mom friend if she wasn’t so needy herself. 

obviously she’s constantly taking on a lot and getting herself worked up, she bottles this up completely and handles it herself for v long periods of time before throwing a mcfreakin’ tantrum. so far nothing compares to the columbia one tho... she normally just cries and tells u about all her problems in a very dramatic fashion for an entire weekend before getting up on monday n moving on as if it never even happened.

is really good at pretending things don’t exist. like if she seems unbothered by the jokes ppl make about her hulk performance it’s bc she fully works hard to pretend that it never happened. she’s not crazy, ur crazy. as long as she’s not having a bad day, she’ll tune it out and go about her business.

doesn’t really do or get jokes. like if u see any kind of sense of humor present in cici ? congrats ig she’s probably in love with u.

is a hopeless romantic unfortunately. if she’d had enough time to get her heart broken over the last few years, it probably would have been crushed twelve times over bc that’s the kind of person she is.

is cool and competent even tho she is so sensitive. she’s v dedicated n loyal... talented... maybe not socially smart but still very intelligent.

intense. still refuses to take a break. needs a massage. lighten up, damn !

plays to win

ok i have a few v basic ideas for connections n plots n such so if ur interested in any of them lmk pls n thank u love u so much !

she needs a best friend ? preferably someone who would balance her out. yk someone who is more just about having a good time ? they provide cici w a little fun and she provides them w a little structure. she’s an intensely loyal friend and as hard as she goes with work, her best pal would always be her #1 priority.

ok inspired by the iconic let u b by the iconic cub sport ? this is romantic but in a messy way so hold on “we can’t stop kissing other people and you don’t care for me//i wanna set you free but i just can’t let you be” they're not exactly friends with benefits bc there’s nothing really friendly about them ? idk maybe they did have a normal exclusive relationship years ago but for a whole list of reasons it didn’t work out and it never works out but they keep accidentally attempting to give it another shot. they’re just a bad habit basically ? it’s just angst ? 

ok listen just ppl she’s romantically interested in. it doesn’t have to be mutual bc she’s probably got a crush on everyone but someone who maybe makes her actually giddy so like ? for once she’s having a laugh n attempting to make jokes and being the first one to reach out. it’s p innocent n rlly just flirty bc of recent dramas she’s probably not going to make any real moves any time soon.

exes my dudes bc she’s probably attempted to date everyone. exes turned friends, exes on bad terms, exes w lingering feelings, idc !

enemies bc she’s intense. if you don’t get along for any reason, she makes it everyone’s business. again, she’s probably not going to do anything malicious or underhand but she’s very much the “i don’t want to be in the same room with them ever . i would rather die” type like again relacks it buddy !

friends . buddies . pals . she needs them !

i’m always down to brainstorm !  Kiss kiss... !

[wildflowrrs]

—— about the mun

In general:

Real name:  jordyn! Nicknames:  jardyn, jordyb, jardyb, jordy, jordakdyndn, bisexual jesus Age:  20 Sexuality:  bisexual! (no lean) Prefered pronouns:  she/her Are you a morning person?:  god no, but i end up waking up early anyway When swimming, do you prefer to do it in the ocean, or in a lake?:  lake ; w ;

On Tumblr:

Anyone you would like to meet in real life?:  my friends group!! they’re not on tumblr tho Anyone you have met in real life?:  of that group, no. When did you first join? How old is your current account?:  GOD i first joined tumblr generally in like,,, 2012 or 2013 lol,,, technically cypher was really. born like waaay back in may, so Any peeves?:  god where the fuck do i begin, i have way too many. unnecessary whining is one of them tho--- like congrats karen, no one gives a shit, shut up lol Unpopular opinion:  uh. idk? something something people should be more oc friendly bc people put a lot of time n effort into them only to end up never really interacting bc no one gives them a shot, ig. idk. its not unpopular.

Feelings:

Do you easily get jealous?:  mmm yeeees? kinda? but i keep myself in check so shit doesnt stir for no reason Do you easily get angry?:  OH I GET ANGRY but i have the self control to not let it consume me, so it counts for something Are you easy to cheer up?:  mmmmmm it really depends What’s the most hurtful thing someone could do to you?:  fuckin idk, ive had a lot of hurtful shit done to me so What’s the most hurtful thing someone has done to you?:  my recent ex used me to validify themselves, used me for my art as well as to make themselves feel good abt being in a relationship, and then lied to my face and just tossed me aside when they got bored :) Are you good at hiding your emotions?:  hhhhhh,, i guess? maybe? What’s the very best way to cheer you up?:  plotting!! letting me ramble!! PLOTTING!!!

Relationships:

Are you currently in a relationship?:  noooope Do you currently have a crush on someone?:  nop If yes, might that someone be reading this?:  hi me, ily Do you kiss on the first date?:  i mean all my relationships so far have been long distance, so Do you prefer going out, or staying home, when it comes to dates?:  again, only long distance so far, so

Things:

Favorite drink:  mocha and/or vanilla iced coffee!! Favorite food:  cHEESEBURGERRRSSS Most calming place?:  my room and also my moms room u__u being there calms me down when im upset Most stressful place?:  my old house/street Most prized possession?:  uhhhh my plushies i guess? since i can’t narrow it down to one specifically, i love them too much

Tag five people (if you want to):

thief it!!!

[lostandfloating]

Family

So to start off I’m a very honest and loyal person. I’ve been raised to always stand up for family and protect them in any way possible. I’ve always put family first no matter the situation but this might be the one time I just say “fuck you!”.

My cousin and I were very close at one point in our young lives. We would text every day and share personal things we never shared before. We had our moments where we connected so closely. I decided to start a family and while we partied together I’ve always knew that I had a life plan.

I finally became pregnant after 2 years of trying to conceive. I announced it to my entire family and she was one of the people who ran first to me and started crying tears of joy. Everyone stopped going out and worst of all everyone stopped talking to each other. I felt guilty in a way but then things started to change after I had the baby. I moved to a better neighborhood and made a little home for us but I would always include my family especially with a newborn. They would text/call/FaceTime me and I would always answer maybe not right away but I always included them. I had my cousin show up at my door one random day with a present for my kid.

Who am I to deny her showing up? I even asked her to help me with groceries. We went and everything was normal at least to me it seemed normal. I’m sleep deprived and hungry so I might of missed the signs that she was upset. Sorry! My bad! I’m recovering from a c- section and trying to shop as quick as possible with a colicky newborn. A few weeks later we have a gathering in my other aunt’s house for another one of my cousin’s birthday party. They got drunk and I had a drink.

Shit goes south when the girls started getting emotional and start to cry. I overhear the conversation and rush in there to check up on her since we were once so close. I took care of her while my child’s dad took care of my baby. She start to tell me why she’s upset and why she didn’t tell me her story. I explained to her “I’m the oldest of the group and you should have came to me. I would have helped you and even gave you a place to stay. I love you and don’t ever forget it.” At this point I start to cry since I’m a sympathetic crier.

This escalated to me almost fighting another party guest and having my aunt pull me aside telling me to leave as if I was the one causing a scene. I’m not one of the 3 drunk girls in the corner throwing up. I’m not your daughter that’s crying over something completely different from the conversation. I’m not your neighbor’s daughter trying to start an altercation with me. I’m not your drunk neice that’s throwing up in the bucket...... I’m the one trying to calm all the girls down and have them cry it all out before forcing them to bed. They drunk, cry, and I forced them to bed every time we were together.

I leave because my baby started to cry and needs me. Later on I discover my cousin is pregnant. I had to hear it from everyone else and she never had the overuse to tell me that herself. She ends up blocking me on everything and I loose it. Bitch! I’m family! No one in our “family” told me she was pregnant. It went as far as having a third party coming up to me and saying congrats.

This third party was coming to my house every weekend and was updating me on my own cousin’s life and pregnancy. My cousin later posted a sonogram picture on her IG and this third party told me she told the world she was having a boy. 3 hours later I get a text from my aunt inviting me to her gender reveal that would be the next day.

Out of anger I texted “why are we having a party if we already know it’s a boy?” My aunt responds with “You don’t know ... I was only letting you know in case you wanted to come.” So then I get a text from my cousin from the same phone saying “Is Jailene btw and when you did your gender reveal no one said anything about it so idk why you even saying that.” So being the petty person that I am I responded with “Thanks for inviting me to your gender reveal and having everyone in the world telling me my own cousin is pregnant.”

I then get blocked from her IG soon after that incident and we don’t speak after that. I get information about her as her pregnancy progresses and I do my best to avoid her at family gatherings even if it means missing everything and showing up after she leaves. She then gives birth and once again I get left out of the loop. I texted my aunt if my cousin would let me go see her since no one was there with her in the hospital. I helped her and everything and made sure she had everything she needed. She thanked me and I thought the beef was over until the next day. I cleared my afternoon to go make sure she was taken care of since she was in a lot of pain the day prior. I went and well my aunts were there and made “small comments” towards me and the way I was taking care of my child. I was getting angry and any next comment would have made me go off but obviously that not the time nor the place for arguments. My cousin’s brother then makes a “joke” about my daughter being a crack baby and I went off.

Just like Cardi B I defend what’s mine and will throw a shoe at you. I told him off and told him not to mess with my daughter. I kept the argument quiet and clean since elders were around. My cousin then chimes in and says “you don’t have any right to be rude.” 🤔🧐 Excuse me?! I had no right to be rude?! What if I called your son a crack baby?! You would go off on me too or am I wrong?! So the visit ended up being maybe 30 minutes max and so I snatch my daughter back from my aunt and storm out out of anger. We have not talked or been in the same room since that day. I’ve cut off my family because they chose to keep everything from me when I made sure they were apart of everything when it came down to my child’s life. Months have gone by and my other aunt called me saying she had gotten something for my child’s birthday. Being the nice person that I am I go and accept the gifts.

I can honestly say that I have more support and faith in my husbands family then my own. I’ve been trying to stay away from him family but they are honestly the people that help me the most and at a last minute are able to take care of my daughter. They step up and tell me to come over to their house so they can spend time with my baby. They are the ones calling me every week since my kid was born to check up on her. They were the ones that watched my child at one point all day while my family decided to go to my cousin’s baby shower. They never told me about it or invited me to the event. 🤷🏽‍♀️ fuck me I guess. I went to them and asked if they could watch her for a few hours while I worked and they all told me they were busy or had a party to go to that day. Why couldn’t they just tell me straight up what was really going on? I was gonna work that night anyways. His cousin watched my baby and took her everywhere with her. She did her weekly couponing route and even went to a party with my child. This woman went to 4 different stores to coupon and an entire party with my child! But my family couldn’t take my child to a family event? I honestly could care less about them and I’m done doing them any favors. I will be changing my cell provider and number soon so I can cut them off completely.

Remember blood doesn’t make you family, loyalty does!