#anyways sorry if its uhhhh a mess LMAO i guess i've forgotten how to format like.....essays

[yunsoh]

yuki’s character arc: gay subtext edition

this has probably been a while coming but i’m finally here to talk about the gay subtext in yuki’s story.

[a lil note before i get into things: i know takaya didn’t intend to include this subtext in his story, and with that this is very obviously getting into “death of the author” matters. however, the subtext, though unintentional, is still prevalent, and leads to both an interesting analysis of yuki’s character and, for many, a deeply relateable storyline regarding gender, compulsory heterosexuality, and being closeted.]

yuki’s character arc is, in large part, a story about self-understanding and self-acceptance. he starts off as a character unsure of his true qualities, or of his place in the world; he is self-conscious and driven by other people’s acceptance of him, which causes him to have deeply different private and public personas. he hides away his “real” character in part out of a fear of being disliked or ostracized, and in part because he is still struggling with accepting himself. the result is that he puts on an act to please others, playing a role that is not true to him, and a role that he knows is false, in order to be accepted. his story bears a distinct resemblance to stories and lives of people who struggle with accepting their sexuality: matters of hiding the true self out of fear of being misunderstood or abandoned, dealing with gender and gender expression, coming to terms with compulsory heterosexuality, and finding people who both accept and cultivate his true identity.

from the moment we’re introduced to him, we’re to understand that yuki has a distinct persona for his social and school life, which is in direct conflict with the persona he leads in his private home life. before even introducing our main protagonist tohru, takaya first introduces us to yuki in an omake -- he’s presented at home, surrounded by trash, and not bothered enough by it to take it out or care that it’s expanding. 

it’s a short, but apt intro for his character. we know that people outside of his home circle call him “the prince,” and that he’s actually kind of a mess. we don’t know yet why people call him “the prince” (if it’s because of his looks, his family’s status, if he has a personality that seems princely in some way), or if his school friends (if he has any) refer to him this way, or what his family views him as in contrast to how he’s viewed at school. regardless, we do get to see the crux of yuki’s character and story straight away, even before the story has really started. yuki is someone who has conflicting personas between his private and social life, and considering that these do conflict so heavily, we can assume that the persona he shows at home (his “real” character, in a sense) is hidden from his peers.

we learn rather quickly from tohru, and her interactions with other girls at school, that he’s considered the “reigning prince” because of his beauty, his mystery (caused by him being rather distant from his peers despite his popularity), and his polite nature. we also understand him to be somewhat socially isolated, not of his own accord but because of his fan club “protecting” him, as well as the curse, which keeps him from being close to the girls who adore him anyway. this isolation is something that tohru herself doesn’t immediately perceive, but she comes to realize that he’s someone who not only bottles up his emotions, but cares deeply about what others think of him. he then admits to her his isolation, feeling caged by his family, and his struggles with getting close to others, saying:

“I wanted to have a ‘normal’ life, surrounded by ‘normal’ people. So I applied to a co-ed school and left home. But I couldn’t get out of the cage after all... I just wound up at another Sohma house. And I still can’t associate with ‘normal’ people. I don’t mean to turn them away, but some part of me can’t deal with people. I cut myself off from other people because I’m afraid of getting hurt, and because I’m [cursed]... I’m only being nice because I want people to like me... My being nice is entirely selfish.”

from this, we understand how he perceives his curse: it’s something distinctly socially isolating for him, and as it’s something he was born with and can’t be rid of, he feels unable to navigate his social life without leaning into the persona given to him, and expected of him, by his peers. however, although he feels as though the curse is what keeps him from associating with “normal” people, this is not a mutually understood feeling among all of the cursed sohmas. while the curse is something physically isolating (as they’re unable to hug or be closely intimate with the opposite gender), we see that the curse is interpreted by the zodiac members in different ways outside of this physical isolation. for kyo, it’s not an isolation from his peers as it is for yuki, but rather an isolation from his family, both cursed and immediate; for momiji, the curse isn’t socially isolating, as he doesn’t struggle with his peers, and he instead views it as something that bonds him to the other cursed sohmas when he has been abandoned by his parents. there are varying levels of accepting the curse among the family, and though they are bound by the same manner of physical isolation, how it manifests outside of that is different for each zodiac. 

this is to say that yuki’s curse, and how he perceives it, follows the sentiment of being closeted. he feels unable to associate with “normal” people because of a part of him he is unable to control. he views his family, and his curse, as a cage, as something he wishes to escape but cannot run away from. this cage follows him when he attempts to integrate himself into a “normal” life, and thus causes him to further struggle with feelings of resentment towards the curse, as he perceives it as being central to his struggles of achieving social normalcy. meanwhile, from viewing how other cursed sohmas do not have this issue of social isolation, and can lead social lives that yuki would perceive as normal -- even if they, too, resent the curse, such as kyo -- we can take this to understand that yuki’s struggle with social isolation comes from a fear of being socially ostracized for this part of him that he can’t control. 

he attempts to repress it via leaning into the social persona given to him by his peers, as acting as “the prince” retains his connection to others despite it being isolating in and of itself, via his fan club deeming him untouchable and harshly dissuading others from getting too close. his performance as “the prince” is as much a means of protection as it is to his detriment; he takes comfort in being liked by others, even though it is both superficial and goes beyond normal reasoning by encroaching on his personal boundaries (his fan club taking photos of him without his permission, stealing flowers he made for the culture festival, etc.), but is to his detriment as he feels he has to live up to this persona, which causes him to then hide his real self, and even become unsure of where the “real” yuki ends and “prince” yuki begins. by this i mean, he is shown to view the attributes given to him by his peers as false, because they aid in his false persona, and that he uses these attributes to gain the trust and liking of others -- this includes his kindness.

yuki’s low self-confidence and insecurity causes him to be unable to see the positive attributes that others see in him. as he understands that the attributes that lend to this princely persona include his kindness, he takes this to believe his kindness isn’t genuine, and that it’s merely a part of the act. it’s only when tohru, who is involved in both his social and private life, and has thus been the recipient of his kindness at school and at home, explains to him that his kindness is very much real and a part of him that he begins his journey in trying to understand himself. 

it’s important to understand the intricacies of how yuki goes about viewing his personas, as he shows to not only hide his true self from others, but also lacks an understanding of himself. he struggles to find the precise line at which his true self ends and the prince begins; he believes that his bad attributes are his truth, while his positive attributes are reserved for the prince. this lack of personal understanding, and viewing himself in such a harsh and negative light, stems from his emotional and mental abuse sustained by his mother and akito. his mother insists that yuki is unable to make decisions for himself and, in making all of his major decisions for him (his attending prestigious compulsory schools, her adamance on selecting his college) gives him no foundation for building his self-esteem. akito’s possessive, cruel, and belittling attitude towards him further damages his self-esteem, as he believes her when she tells him that he is worthless and hated. in addition, both are the basis of his isolation and abandonment issues, which then stems into his need for his peers to like him -- causing him to repress his true self as he has come to believe it’s no good, and hanging onto the prince persona that is given to him even though it is, in itself, isolating. although the prince role makes him lonely, he hangs onto it because it is less isolating than the social isolation he experienced through his compulsory education, his isolation from his mother and brother, and far less isolating than the physical isolation he experienced from the “special room” akito kept him in.

it’s only when tohru coaxes him away from the idea that he isn’t genuinely kind, and becomes his friend, that he can begin to understand who he is outside of his family, the curse, and how his peers view him. rather than separate himself by private and social personas, he begins to grow into an identity that is applicable for both his private and social spheres. by the end of the story, the yuki who is shown at home, and the yuki who is shown at school, are much the same person.

included in this journey, too, are yuki’s issues with how others perceive his gender.

we see multiple times how people regard yuki’s appearance: they call him pretty, they question whether he’s a boy or a girl, and some are convinced he’s a girl until told otherwise. he’s dismayed by his looks, with kyo saying that he’s “really self-conscious about his pretty face,” but despite this isn’t against using them when the situation calls for it -- which is never for his own want or gain, but always for others. we see this in particular during the first culture festival, when he agrees to wear a dress as a means of appeasing the third-year girls. he agrees to do it in order to avoid breaking his social persona, and in doing so disregards his own wants and comfort levels. he clearly doesn’t like the attention he receives from this act, but at the same time uses his beauty in order to protect his family:

when kyo suggests that yuki actually enjoys this type of attention, in which people call him cute, pretty, “womanly,” and the like, yuki reacts violently, solidifying that it’s something he is seriously uncomfortable with (though he admits to tohru that he doesn’t mind when she, a friend, perceives him as such, and this is perhaps because he has a level of trust and comfort with her, and at this point feels she sees more of him than most do). he acts on his beauty a few other times, such as distracting the postman when kagura transforms, and even gets out of situations when he’s perceived as a woman without acting on it, such as when he and kyo retrieve tohru from her grandfather’s house and her male cousin, who displays an attraction to yuki, is stunned to the point of inaction at learning yuki is a boy.

this distinct discomfort of how people perceive his gender seems to come from multiple channels. there is the general viewpoint of a teenage boy trying to fit in socially, while also giving in to what his peers expect and create of him -- the pull between acting masculine, as that is typically expected of his gender, and acting polite and soft with his “prince” persona, which is socially perceived as detracting from the former. he takes a long time to come to terms with how he wants to present himself, as he doesn’t want to come off as un-princelike to his peers, but also often gives in to these more masculine traits outside of school (getting in physical fights with kyo, having little to no sense of keeping tidy surroundings at home, being short-tempered and harsh-tongued with shigure and haru, and the like). while his at-home persona is never quite as tough as how kyo or haru present themselves, it’s still more masculine than the personality he shows while at school.

his relationship with his brother ayame also weighs on this matter, as ayame is someone who is extremely comfortable in his flamboyant gender expression and doesn’t care how others perceive him. while yuki doesn’t necessarily dislike him for this reason, it is something that puts a wall between them simply because yuki cannot relate. this is shown as ayame and yuki are perceived by others quite similarly, as we see people question ayame’s gender and see how others fawn over his beauty. the difference is that ayame doesn’t have the distinct personal and social personas that yuki has created -- ayame’s true self is being someone who is quite comfortable blurring the lines of gender expression, and is someone who truthfully leans into his androgynous beauty, regardless of how others view him. yuki, on the other hand, is uncomfortable with his androgyny, but frequently leans into it due to social pressures. he doesn’t quite understand how his brother can so easily be the way he is.

it’s not until later, after yuki has befriended kakeru, that we see his true expression begin to emerge. interestingly, it’s in part because kakeru both sees him for who he is, as tohru does, and teases him over his beauty and princely status at school. kakeru calls him “yuki-chan” after first meeting him, and even more frequently calls him a princess as a means to denounce and poke fun at his prince status. though this is a sore spot for yuki at first, and causes some resentment towards kakeru before they’re able to befriend each other, kakeru teasing him by calling him a “princess” in some ways validates yuki’s emergence into becoming his own person; beyond teasing yuki for being pretty, kakeru is making fun of the princely persona that his peers have put onto him. it’s part of how yuki understands kakeru to see him -- he’s able to see that yuki really isn’t this prince that people believe him to be, and that the moniker is unfitting to the point of being laughable. 

however, considering that being called a princess still denotes that yuki is in a way girlish, it’s still something that yuki fights kakeru about, but in a far less severe manner than his fights with kyo over the same words. his fights with kakeru are far more playful, and come from kakeru’s penchant for pushing yuki’s buttons out of fun rather than a point of unkindness, as is the case for kyo. this is similar to how yuki doesn’t mind if tohru calls him cute -- he has a level of trust and understanding with kakeru, and feels that kakeru really sees him rather than a false persona, and fights kakeru more because he’s being teased. his fights with kyo are more defensive as kyo says these things as a means of belittling him, while viewing him as someone who he really isn’t.

gender expression, and how one’s gender is perceived, is often another point of contention within lgb+ narratives, as there come certain social stereotypes for how gay people are to express their gender. by which i mean, gay men are often stereotyped as coming off as effeminate, lesbians are stereotyped as being somewhat masculine, and the like. this in turn causes society (in a general sense) to believe that boys and men who deviate from the straight, masculine norm must be gay, and similarly that girls and women who deviate from the hyperfeminine norm must be lesbians (though, it is generally more socially acceptable for women to take on boyish or masculine traits than it is for men to take on feminine traits). as being gay is socially ostracizing, boys and men who are perceived as such due to their feminine traits may then reject or deny them. 

for yuki, this struggle with what others perceive as his femininity comes at a crossroads, as he both finds these traits to be embarrassing, but doesn’t fight against them as his peers seem to enjoy his unmasculine beauty. in the series, the only person who really disparages yuki for his more feminine traits is kyo; he is otherwise not socially ostracized for it, and instead feels a deep insecurity around it simply because he doesn’t enjoy the attention (from both boys and girls) and just wants to present as more masculine in his social life. however, as he hangs onto the acceptance of his peers through his femininity, he struggles to really present his more masculine traits in social settings -- that is, until he joins the student council and befriends people who see him for who he is rather than who he is expected to be. it’s through his socializing with the student council that he begins to bring the more typical masculine traits he presents in his private life to school (through being more physical, raising his voice, etc.).

this is not to say that yuki is gay/non-straight because of his femininity (we never see other characters assume he’s gay, but rather see other male characters seem to question their own sexuality upon realizing that yuki isn’t a woman, or otherwise by admitting to being attracted to him because they focus on his femininity). to say so would be stereotypical, and narratively wrong. rather, this is more to do with how expected gender presentation can be in conflict with personal gender presentation (this can occur regardless of sexuality, however tends to be particularly prevalent in lgb+ circles due to the inherent subversion of expected gender norms that comes with being non-straight; this is part of a much larger dialogue in how heterosexuality is the basis for expected gender conformity, and how “masculine” and “feminine” traits are perceived as being applicable to men and women respectively, when in truth these traits are applicable across the gender spectrum.) in typical narratives, the expected presentation for men is to take on masculine traits, and a deviation from that towards the feminine brings the subject’s sexuality into question (even if the subject is straight). 

for yuki, the matter is more complicated, as his expected gender presentation actually falls into both masculine and feminine -- he’s expected to present masculine traits on the basis that he’s a boy, however is also expected to present feminine traits due to the social persona of the prince that his peers have placed on him. for yuki, the matter of gender presentation is in constant conflict, as he feels uncomfortable in being perceived as feminine, yet leans into that presentation in order to appease the expectations of his peers. again, his conflicts with gender presentation alone do not necessarily make him non-straight, but the presence of such a conflict is prevalent in lgb+ narratives. 

it’s important, too, to recognize the matters of sexuality that present themselves in yuki’s immediate circle, namely through haru and ayame. when we’re first introduced to haru, he tells tohru that yuki was his first love; when we’re introduced to ayame, he tells a story of his youth where he told the boys at his school to “direct their passions at [him]” in order to keep them from getting in trouble for being intimate with girls. the matters of talking about the sexuality of these two characters becomes difficult if only because they’re presented as a means to shock or joke, rather than as something that is discussed seriously. haru and ayame’s attraction to men isn’t meant to be taken seriously by the audience (the reveal of these attractions are met with shock/distaste by our main cast), and as such yuki’s response to their sexualities is that of annoyance. if we’re to remove the (maybe less than gentle) mockery of non-straight identities, yuki’s reactions to both haru and ayame could instead be read as him internally tying their sexualities to their odd and outlandish demeanors -- and yuki, as a character who by and large tries to keep his head down and do what is expected of him, pushes the notion of homosexuality away because he finds it to be in conflict with his character. he doesn’t consider it, because it doesn’t fit with his expected personas. 

(compare these moments, which happen early on in the series, to a much later scene where kakeru openly discusses how attractive the men in the sohma family are, and yuki isn’t annoyed with him despite kakeru also being in a close relationship to him and having a similar outlandish behavior to haru and ayame; the line for how acceptable it is to discuss the attraction of and to the same gender becomes murky, and because so much time has passed and yuki has gone through some personal growth, it’s unclear if he has become more accepting of these attractions or if he just perceives them as being different.)

but, again, the discussion of how homosexuality is presented in the series is difficult to analyse, because it’s not presented as something to be taken seriously. it’s fair to say that yuki’s reactions to haru, ayame, and kakeru are more about the context they’re presented in than just their attraction to men alone -- he gets annoyed with haru because haru insists that he was his first love (an unrequited attraction, and one he doesn’t take seriously), he gets annoyed with ayame because he finds ayame’s person to be too outlandish as a whole to even begin to understand, and he doesn’t get annoyed with kakeru because he knows kakeru is in a committed relationship with a girl, and that saying that men are attractive doesn’t necessarily imply an attraction to them. 

the matter of sexuality, though, is prevalent in yuki’s story despite the narrative’s dismissal of it, and this comes to light through his discussion of his compulsory heterosexuality towards tohru.

chapters 83 and 86 primarily deal with this matter, and it starts off with the quite literal scene of yuki being trapped in the student council’s storage closet, thinking about both the trauma of his isolation in the dark room and having a moment where he imagines akito belittling his feelings towards tohru. while not immediately apparent, it’s here that he internally faces his true feelings for her after having ignored them for so long. at first, he continues to feel pathetic and demonizes his feelings, imagining akito saying these words instead of hearing them through his own internal dialogue (a means of filtering his negative thoughts through the image of his abuser). these have been the personal demons he’s been fighting since after kyo’s true form arc (numbers-wise, that’s roughly fifty chapters out of a 136 chapter series), and in that period we’ve seen him struggle with whether he should “open the lid” on his feelings

then, in continuing the visual of yuki being in the closet, the door is broken down by machi, at which point she says that she thought he “wouldn’t like being alone and helpless in there,” mirroring the sentiments he felt being physically isolated and mentally abused under akito’s care. and in leaving the closet, he finally admits to himself, kakeru, and the audience, that he isn’t romantically attracted to tohru, and his attraction to her was compulsory. he loves her, but views her as a mother figure.

this is one of those moments in the series where the subtext is almost so, so blatant that it’s just text, but i digress. 

the acceptance that tohru gave him in the very beginning of the series, when he was incredibly conflicted in his identity and buried in his low self-esteem, cultivated his growth into finding out his own worth and who he is. as mentioned, his family life growing up did not give him this foundation, and so in her giving it to him instead, he received from her what he should have received from a parental figure -- his mother in particular, as his father wasn’t present.

however, being that she’s the same age as him, and finds this relationship to be strange, he attempted to warp his own feelings towards her into something more acceptable, and has this conversation with kakeru in explaining those feelings:

Yuki: “I needed a mother’s love. And before I knew it… I found it in Honda-san.”

Kakeru: “Even though she’s a girl you can be attracted to?”

Yuki: “Yes. Well… before she was someone of the opposite sex, she was really more like a mother to me. And that’s what I’d been looking for. But I panicked. When I realized I was thinking of her that way, I got confused. Very confused, actually. The whole thing was embarrassing, and I didn’t want to admit to it. I pretended not to realize, at first, anyway. I put a lid on my feelings. I told myself it wasn’t like that. I tried to talk to her, like boys do to girls. But I was wrong. That’s not the way it is with us.”

admitting that he tried to bury his real feelings, and attempted to force his feelings to be romantic for her instead, can be at face value read as him having a sudden understanding of his sexuality -- here, becoming confused to the point of panic when he realized he wasn’t romantically attracted to her -- in a way that indicates that he isn’t straight. his embarrassment here comes from his seeing her as a mother figure (and with that, his feeling that their relationship isn’t balanced), but still follows the narrative of compulsory heterosexuality. he assumed that, because he was a boy, and she was a girl, and he was experiencing intense feelings for her, those feelings should have been those of romantic attraction. 

compulsory heterosexuality is just about as it sounds -- the “straight until proven otherwise” argument. acting under the assumption that one is heterosexual, there’s the sense that strong romantic or sexual feelings towards the opposite gender must be cultivated, and when those feelings fall short (such as coming to the realization that the feelings aren’t romantic or sexual in nature), there comes confusion; as compulsory heterosexuality is cultivated by a heteronormative society, it also creates a confusion on a social level. we can see this here with kakeru questioning yuki’s feelings, asking why he can’t view tohru as both a mother figure and someone he can pursue romantically, and telling him that he’s essentially giving up for no reason. yuki, in turn, tells him he’s not giving up -- it’s just that he truly is not, and cannot, be romantically attracted to her.

in a similar manner, as yuki comes to terms with how he understands his own romantic feelings, he’s rather blind to when girls have romantic feelings for him. this comes to light when he realizes that the leader of his fan club, motoko, has also been harboring romantic sentiments for him, alongside the many third-year girls who he has had to turn down as they attempt to confess to him before graduation. he remarks that he’s dense, and that he feels bad because he can “do nothing but hurt those girls.” this more or less goes along with his coming to terms with understanding how he experiences romantic attraction, but is also an interesting reveal of how he has misunderstood his role as the “prince” -- though he sought after the affections of his peers, and got that tenfold from his fan club (despite their overbearing and obsessive mannerisms), he never believed that the girls in this club liked him to the point of romantic attraction. he’s confused when he navigates his non-romantic feelings for tohru, and confused when he realizes motoko loves (or, loved) him, despite her creating the prince yuki fan club, and being its dutiful leader for two years.

at this point in his story, though he is at a much better point in his self-confidence and identity, he admits that he still holds the same weakness as he always had. this includes his self-worth, and being unsure of how people really feel about him. that wraps around to a part of him that is still socially isolated, that makes him feel unable to fully associate with “normal” people, in this case, girls in particular: his curse.

this is going back to my earlier sentiment that the way in which yuki perceives his curse closely follows narratives of being closeted. at this point, he has found a confidant in kakeru, and finds kakeru to be the one person who he feels safe discussing personal matters with -- not just his relationship with tohru, but also talking to him about some parts of his family life. he did, in a sense, “come out” to kakeru when telling him that he doesn’t have romantic feelings for tohru, and for a relationship between two boys, this seems apt. he was closeted by the “lid” he kept on his feelings for tohru, and is closeted still by his curse. he doesn’t consider going to kakeru about the curse because that doesn’t affect his relationship with him the way admitting his lack of attraction to a girl does; rather, it affects his relationships with girls, and still leaves him somewhat stunted in understanding the give and take of emotions between him and them. machi becomes an outlier, if only because she’s the only girl who has ever seemed to view him differently (sans tohru; and even then, kakeru points out that yuki is slow to understand machi’s feelings for him). she had always rejected his prince persona, and was extremely slow to warm up to him. but, as he reaches out to her and becomes her confidant, she reaches out to him in turn and actively seeks his presence above anyone else’s. he feels seen by her, and feels needed by her.

he and machi start dating at the end of chapter 125, and it’s a few chapters later that he begins to question whether he should open up to her about the curse. in his thought process, he directly reflects the language he used with tohru in the beginning of the series, when he told her he struggled with associating with “normal” people:

“Honda-san knows that Kyo’s not a normal person. She already knows, and she has for a while. But… in my case… I have to tell [Machi]. If I want to stay with her… then I have to tell her the one thing that she may or may not accept.” 

similar to his “coming out” to kakeru, yuki now has to “come out” again with his secret of the curse to machi. although this is an essay about gay subtext, it is important that it’s machi who he’s coming out to, if only because the mechanics of the curse are inherently straight, and, well, he’s dating a girl who this directly affects. there is still the distinct story of hiding something so integral and important to your very being away in order to avoid isolation, ostracization, and abandonment -- and this comes to a head when it affects one of the very relationships that helped him grow out of his shell and into his identity.

in a twist, we never actually witness yuki “come out” to machi. the curse lifts just before he is able to do so. instead, he feels freed from the last wall of isolation that kept him from her, and in the moment says “right now, this is enough” as he’s finally able to hold her. and i don’t think this is something to feel cheated out of by any means -- while it would have been interesting to see machi’s reaction, at this point in the story, he already has been accepted by her, as she is one of the few to take him as he is without any presumptions attached. and this reflects an earlier thought he had of her, in which he said:

“Crowds used to make me wonder: how many people would notice if I disappeared? I used to mull over that kind of thing constantly, once upon a time. But now… I’m a little different. It’s not like that. It doesn’t have to be a lot of people. Even if it’s just one person, that’s enough. Having one person is an incredible thing, because then it can’t be zero. I was happy. I was happy then, too… In the midst of all those people, she singled me out and found me. Having someone other than yourself thinking of you, looking for you… you can’t take that for granted.”

this isn’t meant to be an argument that yuki “should have” ended up with someone else, or should have been canonically non-straight -- the story is what it is, and at the end of the day the story is predicated on basic heteronormative social aspects, centered around a curse that, while it symbolically goes deep into abuse, trauma, isolation, and the problem of those things being cyclical, mechanically functions as hetero isolation. for yuki to come to terms with his curse, and his ever-present anxiety over not being able to fully integrate with “normal” people, it was narratively necessary for him to be pushed by his relationship with machi. while he experienced social isolation on all fronts, his ending up with a guy likely wouldn’t have created that same sense of urgency (hence, why he never so much as thinks to tell kakeru about the curse, despite their closeness and his ease with him in opening up about personal matters), or resulted in a finality of his curse that allows for a physical act of symbolism to announce the end of his isolation. 

it’s regardless of the heterosexuality of it all that makes yuki’s story so very relateable on the basis that it can be interpreted as gay-coded. it doesn’t really matter that he ended up with a girl** -- what matters is that his curse, the thing he needed to “come out” to her about, in itself is easily read as his struggles with accepting his sexuality as part of his long, winding road in accepting himself fully. his similar “coming out” to kakeru about his comphet feelings, his long-standing struggles with his gender, and his overall struggles with understanding himself in the face of his fears of abandonment and social isolation, all come together to make yuki’s story one that is easily read as coming to terms with one’s sexuality in their journey of self-acceptance and self-love. 

**here, i mean ‘matter’ in terms of narrative -- gay representation in media is of course necessary, and even though yuki can be so easily read as a gay or otherwise non-straight character, that doesn’t mean that the story upholds positive gay rep.