#apart from the ending scene the next episode's gonna be in summary format because i am not writing out four fnf-style rap battles | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chalantness · 7 years

Text

fic: Meet Me Under the Spotlight - Part II

Rating: PG-13 Word Count: ~5800 Characters: Steve/Natasha and the ensemble Summary: A continuation of that celebrity social media au no one asked for.

A/N: I hesitated about revisiting this story because the format was so unique and it flowed incredibly well and I wasn’t sure if I could replicate that. Also, in terms of the universe itself, I wasn’t sure what story I wanted to tell next that would still be fun to read through social media. With that said, I thought about it a lot and had so many things I wanted to add and other characters I wanted to include. I just planned on revisiting this ‘verse through headcanons or blurbs for you darlings, but I took another crack at it instead, and I had just as much fun writing it this time as I did the first time!

By the way, I’ve officially dubbed this ‘verse the Marvelous ‘verse. Because I will be coming back to it.

Read On: [ ao3 ]

‘Marvelous’ Season Finale Recap: “How the Mighty Fall”

May 25, 2017. 8:12 AM PST

SPOILER ALERT! This post contains plot details from the Marvelous season three finale, episode twenty-two, “How the Mighty Fall,” below.

Let’s start by getting this out there: no, we’re still not over it. And with three whole months between now and when Marvelous is scheduled to start filming Season 4, we’re sure the tears won’t stop flowing for a while.

Last night’s episode was the culmination of every heartbreaking fight we had to endure between our heroes, and every hasty action they took came back full circle with a sucker punch to our hearts! This was the lowest point the series has come to yet, and even after watching an entire season of everything falling apart, we still didn’t expect it to happen in such a spectacular fashion.

We’ll be back to get into the gory details soon, but in case you were too caught up in your tears to follow every minute of the finale, here are the highlights:

Black Widow’s betrayal that sent fans into a rage at the end of last week’s episode - episode twenty-one, “A Butterfly in a Web” - turned out to be for good reasons. Which we never doubted, but did you have to take such a hard shot at the Captain to do it?

Evidently, yes. Because not only did the Captain realize too little too late that she was protecting him, but his initial abandonment of her after their fallout ended in grave consequences. He barely makes it to her in time before she can bleed out to death, and when she wakes up, she has no recollection of anything. Not of what happened to her, not of betraying him, and not of anything that has to do with the Team at all. We’re not sure exactly how far this memory loss goes, but it was very clear from her confused and shaken expression when she wakes up that it’s pretty grim. And now that she’s without her memories, the Captain is more lost than ever. Guess it takes temporarily (hopefully temporarily?) losing every precious moment together to put things into perspective.

The escalating tension between Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch is irony at its finest: Quicksilver has spent the entire season as the overprotective older brother to Scarlet Witch, which unfortunately meant that Scarlet Witch has spent the entire season feeling sheltered and suffocated. She finally gets what she wants - a chance to put her newfound control over her powers to work, without Quicksilver hovering over her shoulder - and that left her open to being kidnapped. Understandably, Scarlet Witch could have avoided this with her eyes closed and both hands tied, but she had a little something else to deal with:

The Winter Soldier and Falcon, who have had no love lost between them this season, are quite literally at each other’s throats when they join Scarlet Witch to investigate a lead that takes them into the mountains to sniff out a secret bunker. Their fight last night had been the biggest and ugliest yet, and as expected, they don’t realize how gravely it would cost them until Scarlet Witch - too wrapped up in trying to keep them from killing each other - is snatched from under their noses. And no, it wasn’t the thing they needed to come to some kind of truce. If anything, it only made things worse.

Hawkeye and Thor had left in the previous episode to follow a lead of their own, and as expected, they also run into a nasty baddie of their own. And the blowout was far more fatal than you could imagine. When Agent 13 and Agent Hill were finally able to find them and bring them back to the safety of the Facility, they realized that Thor’s powers were completely gone - so it looks as if healing his eye isn’t something that will happen soon - and Hawkeye is in a coma.

Looks like we’ll need to stock up on tissues for now, because with no indication about how things will end up for another few months, we’re left with broken heroes and even more broken hearts.

What scene was the biggest tearjerker for you? Let us know in the comments below!

Here’s Every Tweet from the Cast and Crew of ‘Marvelous’ During the Season Finale

‘Marvelous’ Season 4 Scheduled to Begin Filming in August

On the Air with Phil Coulson: ‘Marvelous’ Co-Stars Natasha Romanoff and Steve Rogers Talk Season Finale and Summer Plans

[Image Caption: Natasha Romanoff standing under a floral arch, smiling to someone out of shot. She’s holding a blue and white bouquet and wearing a white dress with a crystal bodice and tulle skirt, a veil attached to her headpiece.]

912,518 likes

carters13 Just got back to set and @nataliaromanov already has the best wardrobe! Glad to see some things never change.

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AUGUST 14, 2017

[Image Caption: Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson, Tony Stark, and Thor Odinson standing in a row, looking in different directions. They are all wearing tuxedos with matching navy blue ties and blue iris boutonnieres.]

813,320 likes

ohsnapwilson First day of filming and none of us know what’s going on. Gonna be a long season. (PS. We paid attention during the table read. Mostly.)

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AUGUST 14, 2017

[Image Caption: Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff sitting down between takes. Steve is wearing a tuxedo with a navy blue tie and blue boutonniere, and Natasha Romanoff is seated on his lap in her wedding dress, the both of them laughing.]

925,556 likes

MarvelousOfficial #Marvelous Season 4 is officially back in business, and we’re so excited about it that we’re getting a jump start on our #MarvelousSneakPeeks!

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AUGUST 14, 2017

The Late Night Show with Peter Quill @PeterQuillTonight -- September 28 Hey #Marvels did you know @therussianprincessnat is stopping by tonight? I hope she brings me a present

Marvelous @MarvelousCW -- September 28 #Marvels be sure to tune into @PeterQuillTonight and show @therussianprincessnat some love. Retweet if you’re watching!

Wanda Maximoff @littlewandamaximoff -- September 28 want to help a girl out #Marvels? @theothermaximoff says there’s no such thing as a @PeterQuillTonight viewing party :(

Sam Wilson @snapwilson -- September 28 so #Marvels got any plans tonight? mine include @PeterQuillTonight, a cramped apartment, and stale beer

Pepper Potts @twopeasinapott -- September 28 hey #Marvels, the @MarvelousCW gang is back to watch @therussianprincessnat on @PeterQuillTonight! Wish you were here <3

Steve Rogers @stevefrombrooklyn -- September 28 Better get ready @PeterQuillTonight because @therussianprincessnat is a lethal charmer. You won’t know what hit you.

Just In: ‘Marvelous’ star Natasha Romanoff appears on The Late Night Show, drops exclusive Season 4 teaser trailer (September 28, 2017)

Everything You Need to Know About the ‘Marvelous’ Season 4 Teaser Trailer

September 29, 2017. 12:55 AM PST

Last week the Marvelous official Twitter announced that the show’s teaser trailer would not be included in the CW sizzle reel due to “production complications”, much to the disappointment of us Marvels everywhere. Little did we know that not only were we still getting that teaser, but we were getting it an entire week early!

When Natasha Romanoff dropped by The Late Night Show last night, it seemed like a typical guest appearance. But we should have known something was up when, just hours before airtime, the Marvelous cast and crew posted tweets upon tweets encouraging fans to tune in, then took to Instagram to post photos of the entire gang gathered in Nick Fury’s penthouse apartment to watch the show. We know this cast and crew love to show their support for each other, but all this seemed like a lot of fuss over a simple talk show appearance, right?

So. Wrong.

“I was so sure I’d get her to dish about her trip,” Peter Quill shared after the show, referring to the Hawaiian vacation where Natasha Romanoff and co-star Steve Rogers seemed to be closer and cozier than ever. Photos of the couple out and about across the islands had made fans swoon over their screens, but not nearly as much as the incredibly intimate photo the pair had posted to Twitter themselves! But if we thought that Peter Quill would finally get the scoop we all wanted, we were mistaken. “I was prepared for every trick Nat could’ve thrown my way except for this one!” Quill had laughed. “I still want answers, but, come on! How could you top that surprise?”

In case you’ve been living under a rock -- or if you want to watch it a few dozen more times like we have -- then here’s the Marvelous Season 4 Teaser Trailer that Natasha surprised the world with last night.

...Couldn’t get the video to load? Don’t worry, we’ve got all 1:15 minutes of it broken down:

We start with a black screen, and the Captain narrating: “When I woke up, they told us we’d won. That the war was over.”

Flashes of scenes in quick succession: Hawkeye in an infirmary bed connected to tubes, bandaging wrapped around his eyes; Scarlet Witch screaming, hands pressed to her head; the Winter Soldier and Falcon on a snowy mountain, both doubled over, blood on the snow; Agent 13 throwing Iron Man’s helmet across the room, nearly hitting Agent Hill’s head as it cracks against the wall.

Black Widow standing in her room, her back to the camera as she reaches for something on the desk, fading into a shot of the Captain watching her from the doorway as his narration continues: “But they didn’t tell me what we’d lost.”

Thor and Quicksilver in the training room, Quicksilver grabbing Thor’s arm and yanking him back as he says, “We have to go after her!” with Thor curtly replying, “If we do, she’s as good as dead.”

Scarlet Witch gathering her energy between her palms, her eyes glowing as men in the foreground aim their rifles; a quick second of nothing, then a shot of a bunker in the snowy mountains erupting into a red explosion, fading into a scene of Falcon and Winter Soldier watching it collapse from afar.

Agent Hill, Agent 13, and Hawkeye (his eyes still wrapped in bandaging) standing over a holographic table as Agent 13, clearly distraught, asks, “All that sacrifice and we only put a Band-Aid on the problem?” Agent Hill answers with, “Maybe, and it’s going to be for nothing if we can’t fix this,” to which Hawkeye scoffs and replies, “Look at us. We can’t even fix ourselves.”

An ominous shot of the cube-like form of energy used to seal Thor’s powers within it, currents of electricity sparking out from its core; then Thor wincing in pain before hurling a weight across the training room.

Black Widow and the Captain standing close together as she hesitantly reaches up to touch his face; then the Captain sitting on his bed, head down, as Black Widow kneels in front of him and asks, “Tell me what to do to help,” to which the Captain replies in a strained voice, “I don’t know.”

Scarlet Witch in the snow, surrounded by the debris of the exploded laboratory, and then the Winter Soldier lifting her into his arms as she tucks her face into his chest, her entire body shaking.

Falcon pressing a kiss to Agent 13′s hair as she closes her eyes, his voice playing over the scene: “So how do we do this?”

Then Falcon and Agent 13 startling as someone enters the room, Iron Man emerging from the doorway with his arm in a sling and a bruise on his cheek. A quick cut to Agent 13 crying as she throws her arms around Iron Man, his voice playing over the scene: “We start with my least favorite thing to do.”

Cut to black, with Iron Man finishing his dialogue: “We ask for help.”

Then a close-up shot of purple light passing over someone’s skin and dissolving into a black, textured material as it spreads. This figure turns around, revealing a complete shot of his high-tech, full-bodied, cat-like suit; then he glances up at the ceiling as another figure -- slighter and smaller in stature, in a blue-and-red suit with a spider across his chest -- repels from the ceiling, landing on his feet.

Best. Teaser. EVER.

And with Marvelous not returning until December, it’ a good thing that we Marvels know how to keep ourselves busy. Bring on the theories!

What did YOU think of the teaser trailer? Let us know in the comments below!

Favorite ‘Marvelous’ Fan Theories for the Upcoming Season

WATCH: Can the Cast of ‘Marvelous’ Sum Up the Entire Series in Thirty Seconds?

WATCH: Peter Parker Almost Missed His ‘Marvelous’ Callback

Maria Hill @aproblemlikemaria -- October 10 you know you’ve been filming too long when @therussianprincessnat and @stevefrombrooklyn turn into an old married couple

Thor Odinson @corethor -- October 10 apparently on hour 16 of filming @therussianprincessnat and @stevefrombrooklyn start arguing in latin. about latin? idk

Peter B. Parker @pbandparker -- October 10 @therussianprincessnat just looked at @stevefrombrooklyn and said “get me donuts” and HE DID. pretty sure she’s a jedi

T’challa T’chaka @ttchalla -- October 10 @therussianprincessnat just jumps onto @stevefrombrooklyn’s back when she’s tired of standing. Think I might try it out.

Clint Barton @cbarton -- October 10 @stevefrombrooklyn went MIA. turns out @therussianprincessnat fell asleep on him and he didn’t want to wake her

Clint Barton @cbarton -- October 10 update: @stevefrombrooklyn and @therussianprincessnat held up filming for 15m and @nickfurry just SHRUGGED. i’m suing

Natasha A. Romanoff @therussianprincessnat -- October 10 @stevefrombrooklyn we need new friends

Steve Rogers @stevefrombrooklyn -- October 10 @therussianprincessnat i think you need another nap

[Image Caption: Natasha Romanoff and Peter Parker in their Black Widow and Spider-Man suits, with Peter resting his elbow on Natasha’s head.]

1,057,583 likes

nataliaromanov @peterbenjiparker us spiders have to stick together, right?

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OCTOBER 22, 2017

[Image Caption: Steve Rogers kissing Natasha Romanoff’s cheek as she laughs, holding a melting cup of ice-cream.]

1,002,318 likes

stevenrogers I knew I couldn’t compete with @peterbenjipaker’s natural charm so I brought her ice-cream instead. #latenightshoots

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OCTOBER 22, 2017

[Image Caption: Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff between takes on the training room set. Steve stands behind Natasha with his arms around her, leaning forward as Natasha whispers into his ear.]

842,102 likes

peterbenjiparker Have you ever eaten something so sweet that it gives you a sugar rush and sugar crash at the same time? That’s what it’s like to watch @stevenrogers and @nataliaromanov on and off camera

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OCTOBER 23, 2017

Just In: Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff spotted filming in a downtown Toronto shopping mall, pose for pictures with fans between takes; when asked if the ring on her finger was important to the scene, Natasha coyly responds, “what do you think?” (October 27, 2017)

Happy Halloween! ‘Marvelous’ Treats Fans with More Insight on Upcoming Season

October 31, 2017. 8:25 AM PST.

SPOILER ALERT! This post contains on-set stills from Season 4 of Marvelous.

When we were kids, we gorged on candy for Halloween. Now, we gorge on spoilers!

(But candy would still be appreciated.)

This morning, the Marvelous official Twitter announced that they had a little something special for us Marvels on the show’s official site, and they did not disappoint! Not only were we treated to on-set photos -- confirmed to have been from the start of filming back in August -- but we were also given the official synopses of the first three episodes!

Bonus: none of scenes shown seem to be related to the scenes teased in the trailer.

Can you say, “more spoilers”?

[Image Caption: Steve Rogers in a tuxedo and Natasha Romanoff in a wedding dress, Natasha’s hand tucked into Steve’s elbow as they smile at each other. The seats behind them are filled with the main and recurring cast, dressed for the occasion.]

[Image Caption: Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes, and Wanda Maximoff driving through a snowy mountain in a jeep. Sam is at the wheel as Wanda and Bucky are shown talking in the back seat, Wanda wearing the Winter Soldier’s jacket.]

[Image Caption: Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff standing in the infirmary. Steve is holding onto Natasha’s arm, his eyes closed as he kisses her forehead.]

[Image Caption: Thor Odinson and Maria Hill sitting on a couch together with a mostly-emptied bottle of whiskey on the table. They’re both holding tumblers of scotch and angled toward each other as they speak.]

[Image Caption: Sharon Carter and Tony Stark in the infirmary set, Sharon seated at Tony’s bedside with a hand in her hair and her face wet with tears.]

[Image Caption: Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff in the gym, a punching bag hanging between them. Natasha has a hand on the bag, her expression concerned as she looks at Steve, whose fist lingers on the punching bag as he angles himself away from her.]

[Image Caption: Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff in the kitchen of a suburban house. Natasha is sitting on the kitchen island next to bags of groceries, her arms draped around Steve’s neck as he’s smiling at her.]

But wait: there’s MORE!

IN SOMNIS VERITAS - Season 4, Episode 1

As the Captain (Steve Rogers) struggles to deal with Black Widow’s (Natasha Romanoff) memories being lost, Agent Hill (Maria Hill) tries to pick up the pieces of the Team’s latest fallout, especially as Thor (Thor Odinson) starts to spiral without his powers and Hawkeye (Clint Barton) remains in a coma. Meanwhile, the Winter Soldier (Bucky Barnes) and Falcon (Sam Wilson) fear that their time to rescue Scarlet Witch (Wanda Maximoff) may be running out.

THE DARKEST NIGHT - Season 4, Episode 2

Scarlet Witch (Wanda Maximoff) realizes that her powers are fluctuating due to the experiments performed by her still-unnamed abductor (guest star Edwin Jarvis), which she fears will have catastrophic side effects. Elsewhere, as extraterrestrial weapons continue to move between counties, Agent 13 (Sharon Carter) urges the Team to take action. Realizing the distress she’s causing the Captain (Steve Rogers), Black Widow (Natasha Romanoff) asks him to help jog her memories.

BEFORE DAWN - Season 4, Episode 3

With the Captain (Steve Rogers) opening up to her and the Team reunited once more, Black Widow (Natasha Romanoff) starts to get flashes of what she believes are her lost memories, though she hesitates to tell anyone. Meanwhile, the return of the Director (writer/producer, guest star Nick Fury) gives Agent Hill (Maria Hill) a new push to rally and regroup, while the arrival of Black Panther (T’challa T’chaka) and Spider-Man (Peter Parker) gives the Team the motivation to move forward.

While we now have a little insight on what to expect from the start of the season, we’re still wondering about those wedding photos posted by the cast back in August. Is it a dream? An illusion? A flash-forward?

Tell us your thoughts in the comments below!

Guest-Stars James Rhodes and Loki Laufeyson Return to ‘Marvelous’

Peggy Carter Expected to Direct ‘Marvelous’ Mid-Season Finale

‘Marvelous’ Newcomer T’challa T’chaka Scheduled to Appear on The Late Night Show

[Image Caption: Natasha Romanoff standing with her back to the camera. She’s wearing a Dodgers jersey and baseball cap, pointing over her shoulder with her thumb at the “ROGERS” stitched across the back of the jersey.]

1,085,340 likes

nataliaromanov Told @stevenrogers that this was my funniest Halloween costume yet.

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OCTOBER 31, 2017

[Image Caption: Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff on set, laughing with their arms around each other. Steve is in his Captain suit while Natasha is wearing Steve’s Dodgers baseball cap and personalized jersey.]

1,072,342 likes

stevenrogers @nataliaromanov dressed up as me and then started hugging everyone on set. Don’t know whether to be flattered or offended.

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OCTOBER 31, 2017

[Image Caption: Steve Rogers dressed in his Captain suit and Natasha Romanoff dressed in Steve’s Dodgers baseball cap and personalized jersey. They’re sitting on their set chairs with their backs to the cameras as they talk.]

914,134 likes

iambuckybarnes dude wouldn’t let me try on his precious jersey when he got it, yet Nat steals it from his closet and prances around in it and he’s fine #messagereceived

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OCTOBER 31, 2017

Just In: ‘Marvelous’ writer/producer Nick Fury tweets on-set photo of Natasha Romanoff, Maria Hill, and Sharon Carter sharing a warm drink between takes, and fans are quick to notice the diamond ring on Romanoff’s left hand; when his Twitter is flooded with questions, Fury responds with a cryptic, “you’ll see” (November 4, 2017)

The Official Twitter of Access Entertainment @accessentertainment -- November 13 Only one month left until the #Marvelous Season 4 premiere, but of course you #Marvels already know that.

The Official Twitter of Access Entertainment @accessentertainment -- November 13 To celebrate, we asked the cast what their favorite lines of the season are so far #MarvelousLineswithAE

James Buchanan Barnes @iambuckybarnes -- November 13 #MarvelousLineswithAE “It’s not about the fear. It’s about how you react to it. That’s what you taught me.”

Wanda Maximoff @littlewandamaximoff -- November 13 #MarvelousLineswithAE “Unlike you, I can still tell the difference between saving the world and destroying it.”

Sharon Carter @sharoncarter -- November 13 #MarvelousLineswithAE “I used to think that love got in the way of duty. But maybe love is our greatest duty.”

Sam Wilson @snapwilson -- November 13 #MarvelousLineswithAE “If I focus less on the blame and more on the hurt, it makes it easier to heal.”

Steve Rogers @stevefrombrooklyn -- November 13 #MarvelousLineswithAE “There’s nothing and no one that could take your place in my life.”

Natasha A. Romanoff @therussianprincessnat -- November 13 #MarvelousLineswithAE “That isn’t something I have to remember. That’s something I just know.”

Nick Fury @nickfurry -- November 13 #MarvelousLineswithAE “Please say yes.”

Natasha A. Romanoff @therussianprincessnat -- November 13 @nickfurry you sap Natasha A. Romanoff Retweeted @nickfurry #MarvelousLineswithAE “Please say yes.”

AE! Exclusive: Spoilers Straight from the Cast of ‘Marvelous’

November 14, 2017. 8:02 AM PST

SPOILER ALERT! This post contains plot details from the season premiere of Marvelous.

(If any of you Marvels successfully resisted the urge to continue reading, know that we are incredibly impressed.)

That’s right, Marvels. With the Season 4 premiere just a month away, Access Entertainment! received an exclusive invitation to visit the set. And while we were there, we sat down with some of the cast and crew to squeeze out juicy details on what to expect from the upcoming premiere.

(WATCH: Access Entertainment’s Entire First Look from the Set of ‘Marvelous’)

Ready for the spoilers? Yeah, neither were we.

1. The premiere will center around the theme of dreams, and Steve Rogers (playing the Captain) shares that the entire episode should be an emotional roller-coaster. Ready your tissues, Marvels.

STEVE ROGERS: There’s a very blurred line between dreams and nightmares and that’s something the premiere really plays on. We shot two or three, sometimes even four versions of the same dream scenes that were so tonally different from each other. There are really low points but there are really high points, too, and it’s just one of those things you know will have that punch and then keep on punching.

ACCESS ENTERTAINMENT: And we’re guessing one of the Captain’s dreams must involve Natasha [Romanoff, playing Black Widow] in that gorgeous wedding dress all over Instagram?

ROGERS: [laughs] That was actually the very first scene we shot of the season. We read the script together, so we knew it was coming, just not when. But it’s the first day, and we’re all in tuxes and gowns and they’ve got us in this beautiful church set. And I didn’t even see Nat in her dress until we started filming. Nick [Fury, the show’s writer/producer] still won’t admit it but I’m sure that was intentional.

ACCESS ENTERTAINMENT: How romantic!

ROGERS: Yeah, don’t let the guy fool you. He’s just a big softie.

2. We’ll pick up right where the finale left off. Which means throwing salt onto all those wounds that still haven’t healed; their wounds AND ours.

SHARON CARTER [playing Agent 13]: You can watch the finale and then the premiere back-to-back and it’ll sort of be one extended episode. That’s the idea. We put these characters through every circle of hell and back and we don’t want to just jump forward and make you fill in the gaps. We take you with us every step of their emotional journey like we always have, and I can’t share anything, of course, but it doesn’t take long for them to start bouncing back. It’s sort of our way of saying, ‘Hey, we broke your hearts and made you wait half a year because we suck but now you’ll reap the rewards.’

3. After watching an entire season of our heroes falling apart, we can look forward to them coming back together stronger than ever. It’s no secret that watching episode after episode of our heroes fighting among each other was heartbreaking. But Wanda [Maximoff, playing Scarlet Witch] dished that this won’t be the case for the upcoming season.

WANDA MAXIMOFF: You won’t have to worry about us being at each other’s throats nearly as much anymore. When you hit rock bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up!

ACCESS ENTERTAINMENT: Thank goodness!

MAXIMOFF: I know! [laughs] It’s always fun to play those kinds of scenes, you know? They’re very raw and real, and it’s cathartic but in a very safe way to channel all your emotions and let them out. But it’s still draining. We were all so tired from “fighting” with each other by the time we wrapped. We looked forward to having a little fun again and Nick absolutely gave us that

ACCESS ENTERTAINMENT: So we can expect a lot more smiles this season? Maybe even a few laughs?

MAXIMOFF: Absolutely! The first few episodes will deal with the aftermath of the finale, of course. You don’t just sweep that under the rug. But everyone has suffered so much individually, this season you’ll see them lean on each other to heal. At the core, they have a bond you can’t really fit into one type of mold and it’ll be what helps them turn things around.

4. This season will explore the dynamics between our characters in ways we thought we could only dream of. Which means, yes, Marvels. They are in fact listening.

MAXIMOFF: You’ll see characters share scenes together that didn’t have much interaction outside of the group before, and you’ll see relationships in new lights. Iron Man [played by Tony Stark] and Quicksilver [played by Pietro Maximoff] got off to a rocky start, and they’re in a civil place now, but you’ll see them develop a genuine friendship. Iron Man will really pull through for Quicksilver and that finally gives them some common ground. Agent Hill [played by Maria Hill] and Thor [played by Thor Odinson] have always butt heads here or there because they’re just so different. They’re almost the last duo you’d expect to come together and that’s the beauty of it. They end up leaning on each other and it’s beautiful. All of these odd, new dynamics will get their own spotlights and it’s so much fun.

There’s even some role reversal in key relationships. Like with Hawkeye [played by Clint Barton]. He was an important mentor to Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver, and now with his condition he’ll turn to them for guidance. And with Black Widow, she really built up Scarlet Witch and helped her become confident in her abilities and now Scarlet Witch will get to return the favor. She’ll be there to help Black Widow get back on her feet. She becomes Black Widow’s biggest confidant, and that will be such a strong thing for Scarlet Witch, who is in a dark place at the start of the season. These more intimate moments - they’ve been my favorite to film so far.

5. Newcomers Black Panther (played by T’challa T’chaka) and Spider-Man (played by Peter Parker) won’t take long to join the fray. We learned that we won’t be seeing them in the premiere, but at least we won’t have to wait much longer! It’s confirmed that Black Panther and Spider-Man will make their debuts before the end of the second episode.

T’CHALLA T’CHAKA: I was surprised to learn during the table read that Nick wasted no time introducing us. He had us involved from the very first day of filming, even though Peter and I would traditionally not have been called to the set just yet. We were very much included between takes. You would think coming onto a show of this magnitude, joining a cast so established - that would be an intimidating thing, you’d think. But as soon as I got the part everyone reached out to me on their own. We talked, not always about the show. I felt a fast connection. So when Peter and I were watching that first scene being filmed, when Natasha and Steve recited those vows, we were hit just as hard as everyone else. I choked up. I don’t mind sharing that, I’m not heartless. [laughs]

6. There’s a very good chance that every (well, ALMOST every) character that has crossed our heroes’ paths will make a reappearance before the end of the season. At least, it seems that way.

SAM WILSON [playing Falcon]: I’m just making guesses here, but with the way these last three months have gone, it’s probably a good guess. I think we’re somewhere between episodes nine and ten right now and we’ve already brought so many faces back. Sometimes we’ll walk onto a set or get rewrites, and we’ve brought back someone we thought had been written off definitively, and in these cool twists you won’t expect.

ACCESS ENTERTAINMENT: Any names you can hint at?

WILSON: Nah! No, don’t get me in trouble. [laughs] I can’t even hint at anything, but - trust me, it’ll be good. Fans will be excited to revisit these characters and see these shout-outs to old subplots. Some of it will be tying up loose ends, some of it’s just plain fun. Nick’s even got plans to have every guest director come back for an episode if scheduling works out. Don’t worry, I was allowed to share that. I asked. But Peggy [Carter] is already coming back for the mid-season finale and I think they’ve talked about her having a bigger hand in the second half of the season.

ACCESS ENTERTAINMENT: Oh, that’s exactly what we wanted to hear. She’s been involved in those episodes that make me swoon every time!

WILSON: Yeah, she knows how to tug on those heart-strings. She and Nick sat down, I think it was the middle of Season 2. But she and Nick sat us all down and we went around and said where we thought our characters would be in a few seasons and what we wanted for them. And it was all domestic. [laughs] No matter how crazy the world is, those same basic dreams are at our core, you know? And those are Peggy’s favorite stories to tell. Old romantics will be very happy with the intimate moments we fit into these episodes. It’ll be good. Real good.

7. Speaking of intimate: “It’s a very romantic season,” Bucky [Barnes, playing the Winter Soldier] shares. Cue squeals!

BARNES: Obviously the tone of the series will still be there, we don’t deviate into some kind of romantic drama. But you’ve seen the highs and lows of all these relationships, you’ve seen these characters go through so much and now they’ve earned this happiness. It’s a big turning point for our favorite couples, and rather than “will they, won’t they” you get to see them as a unit. That’s kind of the theme of this whole season, “us against the world,” whether it’s couples or friendships or the Team. It’s a great message.

ACCESS ENTERTAINMENT: Can you give us any hints?

BARNES: I wish I could, I really do. We just - we’re all having such a hard time biting our tongues. Each script is better and better and we want to share that with everyone, we want them to be excited with us. But I promise you, if you’ve sat through the last three years with your fingers crossed it’ll pay off. We almost jump the gun in a sense, because it goes from this slow burn to just diving head-first and it’s so satisfying. Even for myself, as a fan of this story and these characters, I see how far everything has come and I just get all tingly. [laughs] It’s great.

Well, there you have it!

It seems like this season will be the most emotional one yet, and luckily for us it sounds like it won’t be of the heart-breaking variety. Hopefully.

What are YOU most excited about for the upcoming season? Let us know in the comments below!

T’challa T’chaka Talks Crazy First Week on ‘Marvelous’ and Addresses Rumors of Spinoff

‘Marvelous’ Co-Stars’ Natasha Romanoff and Steve Rogers Recap Season Finale, Discuss Their Sizzling Chemistry

YouTube Personality Skye Johnson Posts Adorable Video to Announce Landing Unnamed ‘Marvelous’ Role

[Image Caption: Close-up of Natasha Romanoff and Steve Rogers at night. Steve is kissing her hair, and Natasha is smiling softly with her hand on her cheek, showing off a glittering diamond ring - different from the ring she had been seen wearing in an on-set photo that writer/producer Nick Fury tweeted.]

1,056,813 likes

stevenrogers my favorite present has always been you

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NOVEMBER 22, 2017

[Image Caption: Natasha Romanoff and Steve Rogers on the set of Marvelous, kissing, her glittering diamond ring resting against his cheek as he dips her. The cast and crew can be seen out of focus in the background, cheering.]

1,195,381 likes

nataliaromanov I said yes

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NOVEMBER 22, 2017

#romanogers #steve rogers #natasha romanoff #chanty writes #marvelous 'verse #i just really love this 'verse okay??

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welcometocaritas · 8 years

Text

CHAPTER 4 IS UP!

Title: The Ghosts of What Happened

Characters: Marina Andrieski, Julia Wicker

Pairing: Julia/Marina

Fandom: The Magicians, Hannibal

Format: Multi-Chap

Summary:

Reynard’s gone. It’s the first thing she notices when they pop back into Marina’s apartment. The next is the body. Marina, sprawled unceremoniously in the center of the carpet, eyes closed, lips parted with blood.

links: A03, FF.Net

So I’m sorry for the late update. My anxiety’s been running me ragged. I’ve been editing and re-editing this chapter again and again. I still hate it but I’ve decided to bite the bullet and post because otherwise I don’t think I ever will. Anyway, apologies in advance for the crappy chapter.

Also for those readers who haven’t seen Hannibal, Garret Jacob Hobbs was Abigail’s dad. You know, that lovely guy who decided to shoot for parent of the year by trying to her. Fun times.

Another week, another let’s fuck with Julia episode. Raise your hand if your uncomfortable with the fact that this is yet another thing that’s been forced on Julia without her consent? And as a consequence (punishment) for getting an abortion? That said, it’s nice to see her smiling for a change.

Trigger Warnings: Very brief description of rape (about a sentence), violence/gore, panic attack

Weakness

noun

the fact or state of not being strong or powerful

a particular part or quality of someone or something that is not good or effective

a strong liking, usually for something that might have unpleasant or unwanted effects

...

"My worst enemy is my memory."

- Unknown

. . .

"Lie down," Marina says, tone perhaps a little more commanding than the situation warrants. She's used to ordering people around and being obeyed in equal measure. But exerting that kind of power over Julia at the moment is probably the last thing she should be doing.

The other woman only looks at her with confusion, though, and the beginnings of suspicion. "Why?"

She thinks about softening her voice, of extending reassurances - she knows how to play the part, even if it doesn't fit quite right - but that might just throw Julia off more. Add weight to her misgivings. The unfamiliar is a source of discontent, not to be trusted. Best not to coddle her too much then.

"Because you don't want to be standing when this spell knocks you out. You'll be asleep for a few hours, probably more, and that sounds like something that would be best carried out in a bed."

Brusque, to the point and Julia nods, seeming to accept that. "And when I wake up, I won't remember anything?"

"That's the drill." Marina hesitates. "There's a catch, though." And she's been thinking about it ever since Julia confessed what she wanted from her. Mulling it over, brainstorming various loopholes and ultimately scratching them out. Mostly, she's been trying to determine how best to tell Julia - and what her reaction might be. "Doing this will involve sifting through the memories you want gone, in order to get the right ones."

Julia blinks. "So that means you'll. . ."

Marina doesn't leave her to flounder. "I'll see everything, yeah. And so will you. Basically it's gonna get worse before it gets better."

The shower did wonders in cleansing Julia of the tears, blood and various other bodily fluids the day had left her with but there was no scrubbing away that sallow look to her skin. She's alarmingly pale, especially given her natural olive complexion. As Marina's words sink in, the little color that's left in her face escapes in a rush and she's not sure if she's about to pass out, or vomit. Again.

She puts a hand out just in case.

Doesn't touch.

The moment stretches on.

When it ends, a shutter has fallen over Julia's face, locking the emotions away from Marina's prying gaze. Her stance hardens and her jaw clenches.

She knows the answer before it comes.

"Do it."

The color still hasn't returned to her face.

"Julia, are you sure you want to-"

She doesn't let her finish. "I said do it. You owe me that much."

Her voice is as stony as her expression, hard, impenetrable, utterly without remorse.

Marina withdraws at the words, itching to lash out, wound. The standard response. But her quarry has already been struck, butchered, so she forces the urge down, just this once.

Taking a deep breath, she resolves to be kind.

Well, kind for her.

She knew how to be once. She can bring that back. Just for a little while. For julia.

(why? Why for Julia?)

But not because she owes her.

"Fine." The word is toxic, scorching her throat on the way out. Her pride burns. "Whatever. Just lie the fuck down already. I'd like to be out of here by morning."

The brunette says nothing, only approaches the bed with impassive silence. Her actions are rigid with tension and strain as she lowers herself down. Marina hovers, ready, just in case.

Julia has started to shake.

…

"People always talk about how hard it can be to remember things - where they left their keys, or the name of an acquaintance - but no one ever talks about how much effort we put into forgetting. I am exhausted from the effort to forget... There are things that have to be forgotten if you want to go on living."

― Stephen Carpenter, Killer

…

Julia gives it a few minutes after hearing the shower stop before coming back into the bedroom. It's a good call because Marina is only just sliding the black singlet over her head when she enters - she left the 'pajamas' from yesterday outside the bathroom door before going to check that Martin wasn't about to burn down her apartment. As her bare back disappears from sight, Julia's gaze gravitates up to her throat. No longer hidden by the turtleneck, inflamed patches of red mottle the pale skin with distressing contrast.

She looks away.

Marina, for her part, ignores her presence entirely.

"I was going to make dinner. You want something?"

"I'm fine."

Spurning her offer of food, she collapses onto Julia's side of the bed - an obvious slight - and refuses to budge thereafter. Not exactly the response she was hoping for. She tries again, this time trying to tempt her with ordering pizza, which she knows to be the older woman's weakness, but it does nothing to rouse her.

Julia sighs and starts calculating the benefits of rest vs food when recovering from a near death experience.

After a few minutes of tense silence pass, she decides that the benefits of not poking a sleeping bear far outweigh those of either food or rest.

Though, as far as sleeping goes, she suspects Marina's is more or less feigned. She's too stiff, too harsh in her breathing. In all honesty, she doesn't even seem to be at rest. But she keeps her back to Julia and refuses to acknowledge her - and she has to assume that poking a bear that's pretending to be asleep just so you'll go the fuck away is just as bad as poking one that's actually asleep.

So she gives up, leaves the room and goes to make some dinner that she isn't hungry for. The food will taste like ash in her mouth, she already knows, but she skipped lunch and sustenance is a necessity if she plans on having enough strength to kill Reynard.

(and how the fuck are you going to do that, now that he has the knife?)

She sits on the couch with Martin and spends an hour and a half picking away at a slice of toast - one loaded with enough marmite to give even her sorry tastebuds a stir. They watch Gilmore Girls reruns for a while - he's scarily into it - and twice she talks him down from paying either of the actresses a surprise visit. Imagining the kind of headlines that would cause only worsens her headache and she ends up escaping to the bathroom for some aspirin and a shower. Someone has left cracks in the mirror and she traces them with a sigh. Probably Marina. There was that suspect noise she heard this morning whilst she was in there and if it had been Martin he would have taken pains to rub it in her face by now.

The mirror heals under her touch, surface returning to its unblemished state. As though it was never hurt in the first place.

If only everything could be that easy to fix.

By the time she returns to the bedroom, Marina's act seems to have ceased and she looks to have fallen into a deep sleep. Pushing down a surge of envy, she changes and climbs into bed, succumbing to exhaustion not an hour later.

. . .

"This is the moment I realize that our traumas never really go away. They live inside of us, in the deepest darkest pits of our own tiny hells. Cocked and loaded, waiting for someone to come along and pull the trigger."

― A. Zavarelli, Crow

. . .

She's back in her apartment. Cupcake's mutilated body bleeding all over her lap - heart still beating - her hands working behind her, fingers weaving -

If she can just -

And he's there, a lightning flash of movement, iron hand crushing hers, yanking, up, up, up -

She cries out.

Wrenching pain. Something coming away. Her finger. Her fucking finger.

Release. Her hand, hers again

She cradles it against her chest, pumping blood, blood, blood . . .

"So much more fun to be had."

That voice.

(don 't look up, don't look up, don't look up)

She looks up and the image shifts. It isn't Reynard. Not Reynard at all. That smile is his.

She scrambles back as far as the chair will allow, pushes, pushes, pushes until blood vessels break under pressure.

This isn't happening. This can't be happening. Dead is dead is dead.

Garret Jacob Hobbs approaches, blood running from his mouth, her severed finger diving in for another bite.

Chewing, he reaches out for her face, palming her wet cheek, thumb stroking bitten lips.

"Shh, I'm going to make it all go away."

The sob tears her chest apart. She can't contain it.

He wipes a tear away with his thumb. Such regret, such sorrow in those eyes.

Such hunger.

The scene morphs, bleeds into the past.

And she's back in that kitchen.

Something sharp and cold digging into her neck.

What happens next is inevitable.

She knows it is.

And still she begs.

Still she hopes.

She cries and she pleads until the blood drowns her.

It always does.

. . .

"But the fact is, dreams catch us with our armor off." ― Victoria Schwab, The Unbound

. . .

It's still dark out when Julia opens her eyes and she fumbles for a moment, disoriented. Why is she awake?

Not a nightmare. Not this time. No, she suffered through that earlier in the night already. It didn't feel right asking Marina to cast that spell on her again, requesting her help after everything that happened. In truth, she's just relieved the other hedge witch didn't kick her out of her own bed in a fit of spite.

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth and all that.

And maybe Marina would have evicted her, if she wasn't so clearly exhausted. The day had definitely worn her down. She might not even have been able to manage the spell, drained as she was.

There's a buzzing in her ear. High key, insistent. Almost frantic.

She attempts to shake it away and, with some hesitance, it lowers to a smothered keen. Blinking, she tries to orient herself, wondering if it's some weird version of tinnitus that's the culprit for waking her up.

Sudden movement disturbs that train of thought. The bed shifting, sheets tugging against her in protest.

A low, distorted mumbling finds her hearing.

Glancing over, she's able to make out the body of the woman beside her - and that it seems to be in distress.

Is she awake? Facing away as Marina is, Julia can't tell. But she's not sleeping peacefully, that much is plain.

"No, please."

The groan stills her thoughts and she hesitates, not knowing what to do.

A nightmare? It only makes sense, after the day she's had.

Reynard has a habit of disturbing people's sleep.

"Marina?" she whispers, not sure yet if she wants to wake her. Sometimes that can be worse. The memory of the dream stays with you then, rather then disappearing into the night as mercy sometimes allows. "Are you awake?"

The body twists beside her, more muffled noises but otherwise no response. Definitely asleep then. Chewing her lip, she wonders if Marina would thank her for waking her, or if she would just get her head bitten off for the effort.

What is she saying? This is Marina, of course it would be the latter.

She sighs and considers leaving it, rolling over and going back to sleep. Selfish but tempting. Maybe even what Marina would prefer - to be able to believe that this moment of 'weakness' escaped Julia's notice.

Though the odds of falling back into blissful unconsciousness are pitiful at best.

A noise.

OK, that sounded like a sob.

"Daddy, please."

And it triggers something in her memory, something she can't quite grasp. A phantom left over from That Night.

She hasn't thought about it since. The murder. The r-

that.

Those things are clear in her mind. Crystal, sharp enough to cut. But after that, events start to blur, become hazy. As if her brain just gave up, stopped trying to process space and time. It's hard seeing through the haze to make out what really happened, reminds her of how sometimes she'll look at the clock and realize whole hours have gone by without her noticing - and that she has no idea what happened in them. There are gaps in her life now that aren't caused by any spell (she checked).

Missing chunks of her she may never get back.

Julia can't find it in her to care.

This thing that tugs at her now is even more dreamlike and she can't be sure that the thread she's pulling at is real and not imaginary.

It just . . . It feels like Marina's words should mean something to her.

But they don't.

Either way, going back to sleep is no longer an option.

"Marina." No response. She tries again, a little louder. "Marina."

Again, nothing. But now she can definitely make out the telltale chokes and gasps of somebody crying.

Julia swallows, something hot and sticky ensnaring her chest. "Marina."

When her voice still fails to get the job done, she reaches out a hand. "Fuck it." Clasping the woman's shoulder, she gives it a gentle squeeze-

And jumps back just in time as Marina springs up, gasping, choking and heaving as she struggles for breath. Even in the limited light, Julia can make out the wide, desperate eyes and the gleam of wetness on her cheeks.

That snare in her chest tightens, strangling the muscle within.

Trying to steady her breathing, she waits for Marina to calm, for the shock to wear off and awareness to set in - that sudden break from nightmare to reality can be slow to come, not to mention jarring - but it never does. She just continues to fight for breath. Flailing hands find her throat, grasping, fumbling, checking for something. Her chest heaves, sharper now, and Julia recognizes the signs of hyperventilation from growing up with a sister with generalized anxiety.

Panic attack.

Since she got her memories back, she's been suffering them herself, though it took her a while to label them as such. They come on at the slightest trigger and most of the time she doesn't even know what that trigger is. It's like walking barefoot on a floor covered with broken glass and she can't look down to see where not to step. When the glass pierces her skin, what little control she has left disappears in a torrent of blood. She'll try to fight it, to yank her foot off the shard but something fastens her there, drives the piece further in.

All she can do is wait to be released, wait for the nightmare to end.

Again.

For her body to return to being hers and not just some weapon to be used against her.

It makes the suffering numbness she usually goes about her day in seem like paradise.

Julia shakes her head, drags herself back to the present.

"It's okay. You're okay," she says for the second time that night, wonders how a lie can come so easily.

Marina shakes her head, not seeing her. "I can't breathe."

"Look at me, Marina. Look at me." She wants to reach out to her, to take her face in her hands and lock their gazes together; to anchor her. But she's aware that contact can do more harm than good sometimes, and she doesn't know Marina's boundaries. She's never seen her like this, never thought she would.

Not even when she woke up after Julia healed her was she this terrified, this out of control.

It takes a few more attempts but eventually she turns, wide eyes locking on Julia's face. She still doesn't know if Marina's really seeing her, though. "I want you to take a deep breath in with me, OK? Deep into your stomach."

She may not be able to wrestle her way out of her own panic attacks but at least she has some experience in helping others out of theirs.

She shakes her head, panic rising. "I-"

"You can do this, Marina. You're the strongest person I know, just focus on me." Eyes still wide, she manages what might be a nod between gasps. "Alright, deep breath in."

Julia breathes in, waiting for Marina to do the same. She relaxes slightly when, after a moment, Marina inhales her own shaky, little breath.

It's a start.

1, 2, 3, 4

Julia exhales, nodding encouragingly at her to do the same. She does and, although she's still shaking and panicked, Julia can see that she at least has her attention, and is holding it. That can be the hardest part.

1, 2, 3, 4

"Breathe in."

They breathe in unison.

1, 2, 3, 4

"And out."

1, 2, 3, 4

"And in."

1, 2, 3, 4

This continues for a few minutes. Julia places a hand on her own stomach to demonstrate the rise and fall and eases slightly when Marina shakily does the same. It's been a long time since she's done this for someone, can only vaguely remember some of the techniques, but thankfully it seems to be working. Marina's taut body is gradually beginning to sag as intelligence returns to her gaze.

It's going to be okay now.

(it 'll never be okay)

Marina is the one who stops it, breaking their stare and looking away as she shuffles back.

"I'm okay." She won't meet her eyes. Julia can't blame her.

"It's alright. I get them, too." The words feel as heavy as lead to heave out of her mouth and just as poisonous/dangerous. She wants to recoil at the vulnerability they reveal, to force them back down and pretend.

There's shame, too, despite her assurance. Logically, she knows there's nothing to be ashamed of. She understands the physical process, the nervous systems and chemicals involved. That it's not her fault her fight-or-flight response is working over time and fucking up as a result; that her amygdala has chosen now to become a hyperactive little shit.

It's not her fault.

But it still makes her feel weak. And she hates being weak in front of Marina. In front of anyone, really. But especially her.

However, given what she's just witnessed, it feels only fair that Marina have this piece of information, if only so she's not the only one bearing her belly. This sudden, uneven power between them must have her uneasy and Julia doesn't want her to see claws poised to strike where there aren't any.

And she owes her.

Silence. Face still determinedly turned away.

Julia tries again. "Yesterday was shit. It only makes sense that your body would respond to that." That you would dream of Reynard. Except, she wasn't dreaming of Reynard - 'Daddy, please'. Julia swallows. "It's not something to be ashamed of."

It doesn 't make you weak.

Or maybe it does. Julia doesn't know anymore.

If their roles were reversed, weak is exactly how she would be feeling right now. Maybe not if it was Quentin or her sister, but in front of Marina?

Yeah, she gets why the other hedge won't meet her gaze.

A scoff. "I'm fine. And I don't want to talk about it, okay, so shut up."

At some point in the night, Marina's pajamas reverted back to their original form and they now swamp her thin frame - no surprise, considering they once belonged to James. It has the effect of making her look smaller than she is, fragile. Like she needs to be protected.

Julia knows this is anything but true.

- 'You're the strongest person I know'-

Desperation might have driven the declaration from her but it weighs heavy with truth nonetheless. Whatever Marina's faults, weakness isn't one of them.

But even the strong can be hurt.

"Yeah. Cool. Whatever." Julia doesn't really want to talk about it either. Though she would be lying if she said she isn't curious (concerned).

Marina closes her eyes and breathes out through her nose, a heavy gust of frustration. "I'm fine, I just want to forget about it, okay. Forget it happened, forget that you saw it happen."

"Forget what happened?"

Marina looks at her, blinks. For the longest time she says nothing but then a faint twitch of her lips breaks through, not quite a smile but a victory nonetheless. There might even bit a sliver of appreciation in her voice when she says, "Alright then."

She lays back down, shuffling further under the covers. Julia can't help but notice the way she still trembles, how her hands clench tight around the sheets, tight enough to be painful.

But she says nothing, instead proceeding to settle herself.

That Marina is once more facing away from her, can't be an accident and she takes the hint for what it is - the need for distance, for the barrier to once again right itself between them.

Blinking back sleep from her eyes, she tries to calm the unease in her gut. It's just Marina. She shouldn't care this much.

Marina who hurt her, who cast her out into the cold and then murdered Kady's mum.

Marina who came when she called, without question. Who was there for her that night and erased all evidence and memories of horror without cost.

Marina who may have just been triggered into a panic attack because of her. Who has lost a finger and a cat all because Julia forgot that you can have a genius IQ and still be so fucking stupid.

Summoning a God level stupid.

In the next moment she finds herself reaching out, hesitant at first but then determined. Marina's good hand is resting at her side, on top of the covers. Julia covers it with her own, light, easy to escape.

A flinch jolts the appendage and she holds her breath.

Minutes drag by but the hand doesn't pull away. Ever so slowly, the stiffness begins to melt and she waits until it becomes lax in her grip.

Victory.

Exhaling, she gives the hand a small squeeze. Doesn't feel one back.

That's OK.

Gratitude and guilt could explain this. But it's not that. At least, not completely. She doesn't know what it is. Only that the hand in hers somehow matters beyond the constraints of debt and atonement.

Whatever it is, it's not something she can afford to think about now. Maybe not ever.

Closing her eyes, she prays that the coming days will be kinder, knowing no god is listening.

. . .

"Sometimes, reaching out and taking someone's hand is the beginning of a journey. At other times, it is allowing another to take yours."

― Vera Nazarian

. . .

"Memory gives moments immortality, but forgetfulness promotes a healthy mind. It is good to forget."

- Hannibal Lecter, Hannibal

. . .

When Marina was ten, her family went to a visiting carnival. It was alive with rides of all shapes and sizes, colors whizzing by, lights dancing in the night. She she was so excited that she forgot to be scared for once, demanding that her dad take her on all of them. Unable to deny her anything but life, he caved within thirty seconds.

It was a mistake.

Sure, some of the rides were tame enough to be fun. The ferris wheel, bumper cars, the scrambler, even one of the roller coasters. But the rest were a recipe for disaster.

Because here's the thing, Marina hates being out of control. It's a feeling that's only intensified with time but she can't remember a point where it didn't exist at some level. And that's basically all amusement park rides are. You get on, strap in, and the rest is out of your hands. The next however many minutes belong to the controller. You can't control the pace, you can't stop, you can't get out. And that powerlessness overwhelms the thrill of the rush.

It's a nightmare.

One ride she went on involved a hell of a lot of spinning, stopping and false starts. It jostled her around and threw her up and down until she clung to her dad's hand, tears streaming down her face as she pleaded for it to be over. Taking a trip through Julia's mind is not unlike that, complete with near debilitating motion sickness and an unfortunate case of vertigo that comes and goes - it's a rougher ride than normal, no doubt the result of the emotional and mental state of the host. Only difference is, there's no safety bar to hold onto or father to clutch. As they spin in and out of the caverns of Julia's memory, she more than once finds herself reaching out to the other woman to steady herself.

Always, she retracts at the last moment. Before contact can ever be made.

The only moments of blessed, disorienting stillness are when they stop on a particular memory for inspection. These are just short breaks, however, as most of them prove too unpleasant to stick around for more than a second or two.

There's a peak into a scene with Julia and some man - wait, is that Richard? Of course he added Julia to his band of little lost ducklings - fucking in bed. She rolls her eyes but Julia grows pale, looks even sicker, and has to turn away.

"Forward?"

"Forward."

She pulls out of the scene and immediately the memories are rushing past again. Too fast. Too far.

That's Marina herself coming in through the door. Julia stumbling, her racing to catch her in time.

She pulls them out. Back, back, back . . .

There's a man on top of Julia, grunting, holding her in place as she struggles-

Marina flicks her hand, the image disappears, and she puts a hand out just in time to support the real Julia as she sways. She doesn't think she's ever seen her so pale, even right before they started this little mind trip.

She wants to continue, to get it all over with, like ripping off a bandaid, but senses that it's too much too fast. That anymore right now and she might break Julia's mind in half. It can happen.

A whisper of words and the world becomes utterly still as darkness takes its place. A respite.

For too long, the Julia only stares sightlessly ahead, and even though the memory is gone, for her it's still probably playing out, in perfect clarity. Again and again. She knows the look. Seen it on others. Has worn it herself more than once.

Marina waits.

And waits.

Debates how long she can keep the spell in place. She might have worked hard to master it during her time at Brakebills - figured it would come in handy if she was ever accused of murder again - but it's not one she's performed since and she's out of practice. Professor Van Der Weghe could manage it with far greater elegance and speed. He knew how to not only erase but to glean the particulars of a person's mind and weave a story with those shadowy threads. A believable story. Though even he got it wrong sometimes.

Marina only knows one way and it's crude at best. To travel back through the memories you up for erasure and put a pin in where you want the new ones to start. Then you manipulate the subconscious to fill in the gaps with an alternative version of events, preferably something the subject won't question. And if you're not a professor who's done it a thousand times, it leaves more room for mistakes. So she's taken Julia along for the ride to collaborate with her. She'll leave it up to her to decide the lie Marina will use to cover the truth with. It has to be as believable as possible, no holes, or Julia, stubborn, questioning Julia, will find them and tear them apart.

And they'll be right back where they started.

It's unfortunate that this way just so happens to be more traumatic.

"If wanting to forget this makes me weak, I don't care."

The confession is hoarse, cracked. It rips the silence apart.

Marina startles. She was starting to get used to the idea that Julia might never speak again, was even beginning to formulate a plan B (it was pretty lousy).

She considers the words for a moment, rolling them over in her mind and trying to determine the best course of action.

- 'You're such a bitch.'

'And you're weak!'-

It's a shock to realize that she doesn't want to be a bitch or for Julia to think that she's weak. Not when it comes to this.

"My father killed my mother."

She just kind of blurts it out, before she can stop herself. Knows it's the only way she'll ever work the secret free.

It's safe to do so, she knows it's safe. Even if her enchantment is somehow broken, Julia won't be able to remember this nauseating mindtrip. If the memory of it remains at all, it will be no better than a distant dream, distorted, fading, impossible to grasp.

It's safe.

It doesn't feel safe.

Julia glances up at her, some surprise breaking through the dead expression.

Marina tries not to see her. "Cut her throat. Right before he cut mine." She swallows, hand itching to come up, to check. A reflex she's never quite been able to shake.

Said aloud, it sounds like something out of a horror movie - or at least an episode of CSI. Not something that actually happens in real life. Or if it does, it's some poor distant stranger you hear about on the news. Someone who might as well be a character in a movie. But it doesn't happen to you.

Only it does. It happens. It happened.

It seems even more out of place in a world of magic, where even murders are tied up in the fantastical. But serial killers? Unenchanted knives? It's a bizarre crossing of genres.

But serial killers were the norm for her once, as mundane as the lesser demons and fairies that haunt your local safe house. More than that, they were her world - as surely as magic is now.

But they don't fit in this one.

No, it is another girl she speaks of. Another girl left behind in another world.

So why is she trying to bring her across into this one?

(for Julia)

Of course.

That really needs to fucking stop.

Silence stretches on. She thinks Julia's not going to say anything, then, "How did you survive?"

Another girl, another world.

"The police were there. An agent shot him. Took a couple of tries to get the job done. Luckily there was a man there who had some medical training. He saved my life. And when I woke up next I was in a hospital, both my parents were dead, and everything as I knew it was over." The words grate against her throat, each one is like a nail she has to pull loose, and she imagines she can almost taste the blood by the end of it. Somehow, though, her voice remains steady, even blank.

(not her, not her, not her)

Julia watches her, waiting for her to continue maybe. She doesn't for a long time.

"My dad killed my mum. And then he tried to kill me. If I could have forgotten that back then I would have have. But I couldn't." And in some ways that's best. She doesn't ever want to forget who her dad really was, how everyone is just waiting to reveal the monster inside. "I had to learn to live with it and I did. Doesn't mean you should, too."

It doesn 't mean you're weak.

Or maybe it does. But not in a way that can be used to hurt you.

Because Marina doesn't feel stronger for the things she can't forget. Stronger for surviving them, maybe. But the memories are a source of pain no matter how many layers of iron she walls around them. They can make her weak. Just as they warn her of the dangers hidden around every corner, the monsters lurking behind benevolent eyes, they can just as easily turn against her.

It's a precarious balance.

Julia stares at her. Maybe believing it, maybe not. She can't tell. For the first time since she's known her, the younger woman is unreadable. "Why are you telling me this?"

"It's not like you're going to remember any of it." It's true and it's not. It's easier to admit than the fact that she cares. Cares more than she should. Maybe a little too much.

(far too much)

"Right." Julia nods, still staring. "Thanks."

If it's a staring contest, Marina's willing to lose for once. She breaks away, looks back out into the darkness.

"Ready to dive back in?"

The answer is slow in coming but certain.

"Yeah."

Through some uncommon mercy, the scene they arrive on is free of both violence and sex. The alter set up in the corner of the room, the Free Traders gathered near it in a circle, frozen in time, in hope. Completely unaware of the trap they're about to trip, the bar that will slam down just as they grasp that longed for cheese.

As a child, she would rise after everyone had fallen asleep and hunt down the various mousetraps her parents set out for that night. It was her mission to disarm them, to end the needless slaughter. She feared the crushed little bodies the traps would leave behind if she didn't, hated to watch them be so carelessly discarded in the trash. And given the intelligence and emotional capacity of mice - she read once that they were such social creatures that, like humans, they could become anxious and depressed when isolated; they even had empathy! - it just didn't seem right. If they had to die, they deserved a better death. Something that would honor them.

She thinks her dad might have suspected but he never told - even then they knew how to keep each other's secrets. Her mum definitely knew given the subsequent scoldings she would endure each day. The dark circles under her eyes as she sat at the breakfast table before school were probably a dead give away. Also the growing collection of moldy cheese under her bed that was eventually found - there was no hiding that stench.

In the end, they compromised. One of her father's clients had a python with a healthy appetite. He promised to hand the dead mice over to its owner where they could be repurposed as food. If she stopped taking the traps apart. It wasn't a victory but she did feel slightly better about it. There was worth in the deaths, at least. No part of them would go to waste.

But she still wished there had been a way to save them. For a while there she even had nightmares. Being lost in a world far too big, searching for something, always searching, searching. When she finally found it, a force would slam into her, driving her into the ground until her bones turned to powder and her organs splattered apart. She was dead. She knew she was dead. But it didn't matter.

As she sunk into the darkness, a thousand little bodies would burst from the shadows and swarm her devastated form. What was left they ravaged with vengeance, tiny teeth needling flesh, chewing, tearing. They consumed her until there was nothing left.

She still can't look at mouse or rat without some lingering trace of nausea and fear.

Marina and Julia exchange a look.

This is the moment. The starting thread that Marina will weave into a beautiful tapestry. This is the end of the truth.

Luckily for Julia, she has some experience in disarming mouse traps.

…

"Forgetting isn't enough. You can paddle away from the memories and think they are gone. But they will keep floating back, again and again and agian. They circle you, like sharks. Until, unless, something, someone? Can do more than just cover the wound. "

― Sara Zarr , Story of a Girl

So I hope this chapter wasn’t too horrible. Again sorry. There’s two little nods The Magician’s King in this chapter (ie. The marmite and genius iq) Also, Jane calls the memory spell Marina used ‘crude’ and identifies it as likely being done by a hedge. I find this interesting because Marina know how to do magic in both the Brakebills fashion and the hedge way. We also know that she’s really fucking good at it given the whole ‘best student’ thing. That her spell is crude makes me feel that memory spells must be really tricky and require a lot of training/practice in order to be seamless (and I suspect it’s something she’s done before, though, because it’s something she’s able to perform off the top of her head, without a reference). This also means that the way she does it would be different to how the professors do it in Brakebills. Therefore I’m not suggesting that the little mindtrip she goes on with Julia in this chapter is the norm (ie. What the professors at Brakebills do with a student, though if it is then that’s even more of a violation). Honestly, I think the writers just had Jane say that to drop hints for audience but it was said so I’m running with it.

#julia wicker #marina andrieski #the magicians #julia x marina #kacey rohl #stella maeve #mypost #myfic #The ghosts of what happened

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