#are there. any kind of rules for kippot

[kaminos-de-leche-i-miel]

i just got my first kippah on the mail!! it's from a jewish artist in jerusalem, the design is so pretty :) can't wait to wear it for the first time for shabbat services tomorrow

[dadyomi]

Daf Yomi week 80: Agree to disagree

Shabbat Shalom and welcome! Sometimes you can’t even agree on whether other people are in agreement. 

Something I’ve been thinking about lately, with regards to the Talmud, is how so much of it concerns the physical world. There are certainly exceptions, like big chunks about prayer in Berachot, and certainly a lot of the debates about physical things often roll over into spiritual debates eventually, but I think a lot of the reason that Daf Yomi is sometimes a struggle is that there aren’t any exploded diagrams. There’s so much about how things should or can be built, what kinds of physical environments are suitable for which kinds of public or private life, and how to go about constructing or interacting with them. 

There’s probably a metaphysical essay in this somewhere about how Judaism often takes the inner life and makes an outward structure for it -- how physically demonstrable faith can be, from mezuzahs and kippot and the trappings of Shabbat dinnerware to the spiritual value of attention to detail in homes and houses of worship. Most faiths (and broadly, most cultures) do this to a greater or lesser extent, it’s how we engage in social tribalism, but I’m not sure how many of them have codified the process in a massive multivolume book spanning centuries of interpretation and debate. The corollary that immediately springs to mind is the Mahabharata, but while equally impressive and valuable, it isn’t quite topically the same. 

Most cultures -- Judaism included -- have a lot of unwritten rules that children just absorb as they’re raised in it, but it’s like Judaism also looked at all the unwritten rules and went “I’ve been taking notes and I have a few questions.” 

Sukkot isn’t all that far off, at the end of September, although we will be done with Tractate Sukkah by then. I wish I could say I was looking forward to entertaining my friends and loved ones with Fun Sukkah Facts over the holiday -- I'll be visiting my parents for at least part of it -- but so far the Facts are many, the Fun is a bit scarce. I will certainly be solemnly informing everyone not to put any vegetables on their roof. 

306 weeks to go! 306 delicious weeks of physicalizing the internal. 

[jewishconvertthings]

this is a vague question, but do you have any tips for a first-time synagogue goer? I'm going to be visiting my local temple for the first time ever in November and I am very nervous...

Hi anon!

That’s exciting!! So, some advice I would offer you is this: 

Definitely go with a friend who is familiar with the liturgy already, and/or reach out to the rabbi ahead of time and ask to be seated by someone who will guide you through it. You may want to do the latter anyway, even if you have Jewish friend who will go with you, because each congregation tends to do things slightly differently and it’ll help to have someone who is familiar with that congregation’s conventions guide you through it . While plenty of people visit other congregations and do things their own way and it’s fine, that may not be ideal for feeling comfortable your first time. 

Do be aware that even in Reform congregations, there’s usually still quite a bit of Hebrew. This may feel daunting at first, but the same prayers get repeated a lot, and you’ll get the hang of it (or simply memorize it) if you keep going regularly. 

A siddur is just a prayer book that contains all of the prayers for the various different services. A chumash is a copy of the scriptures organized by weekly portions that are read on Saturday mornings. A machzor is a special siddur for the holidays. All of these are read from right to left, because Hebrew is read from right to left. Ergo, if you want to look like you know what you’re doing, make sure you hold and open your siddur correctly. (But don’t worry if you mess it up - it took me several weeks to get it right instinctively, and no one looked at me funny.) 

There may or may not be a paper program in addition to the siddur. Because the liturgy is usually pretty fixed, there’s not as much of a need for it. The service leader may call out page numbers occasionally to help people get back on track if they got lost, but if you need to, you can quietly ask a person near you what page you’re on. (If it’s during the silent Amidah, wait until the leader starts speaking/chanting again to ask.) 

Especially in Reform siddurim*, but also in the Conservative siddur I’ve used (not sure about other branches’ siddurim) a good bit (but not all) of the words are printed three times: in English, in Hebrew, and transliterated Hebrew. (Siddurim = plural of “siddur”)

There are motions/choreography that go along with reading the prayers, such as bowing, sitting or standing during different parts, and rocking up on your toes. Some people have the custom of bowing slightly to the left and then right in certain parts, of taking three steps forward and backward during the Amidah prayer, and some people rock or sway. This is all optional as far as I’m aware, and eventually you’ll develop your own preferences and practices, but for your first time, it’s easiest to just follow what the person next to or in front of you does, or your guide. 

Read this carefully, especially if you’re planning on going to a more traditional shul: http://www.jewfaq.org/liturgy.htm. This will give you an idea of what prayers there are, how the choreography fits in, and other useful things. 

A common custom for Friday night (”kabbalat Shabbat”) services is to have an “oneg” afterward. “Oneg” refers to joyousness, or happiness, and is a shorthand way of referring to the mitzvah of celebrating Shabbat. What this means in practice, however, is food! An oneg after services is just a little reception with snacks and sometimes more substantial food. If you have food sensitivities and wish to attend (which you should if you’re comfortable doing so!) you should reach out to the rabbi ahead of time about making sure there are things there you can eat.

People will likely greet you with “Shabbat shalom!” or “Gut Shabbos!” It’s 100% okay to respond in kind, and will actually garner less attention than an awkward, “um… hi?” [I am speaking from the voice of experience on this one, btw. :)] 

Look up the dress code for the congregation you’re planning on going to, or ask if it’s not on their website. Most Reform congregations are pretty laid back about formality and covering up, so long as it’s appropriate and respectful. More traditional shuls, however, may have specific rules. You may also want to ask about what their custom is for non-Jewish men wearing kippot and/or women wearing pants if you’re going to an Orthodox congregation. Most congregations have a basket of kippot for men who forgot or who don’t own one themselves. 

Some people may be wearing tallit (Jewish prayer shawls) on the Saturday morning services, but those are specifically for people who are already Jewish (and in more traditional shuls, for adult/married Jewish men.) It’s okay you don’t have one and won’t for a while. 

Try to show up on time, but not so early that you accidentally get counted in the minyan! If it seems like they are counting you, you need to politely inform one of the leaders that you’re not Jewish. 

If you’re going to a traditional enough congregation, they may have a mechitza - make sure you respect their space and stick to your gender’s side of it. (If, like me, you’re trans and/or non-binary, I strongly suggest having a discussion with the rabbi about where you should sit before showing up.) 

Something to just know going in is that lots of times, people have their own way of engaging the prayers and so some people may jump in ahead of time and read faster than other people or read along with the service leader. This can be unsettling if you’re used to WASPy churches where people listen silently, but it’s totally normal and you should just ignore it. 

At various different points, the leader will sort of drop out of chanting aloud or chant much quieter before picking up later in the prayers. The understanding is that people are supposed to just read along at their own pace. I recommend reading the marginalia until the leader resumes unless you somehow already know Hebrew. 

You probably won’t know the melodies, but that’s okay - a lot of people don’t, or don’t sing. You’ll pick them up eventually! 

That looks like a lot - sorry it’s so rambling. Followers, any other advice?