April 9-11 European Roundup: Match Reviews
It was a week full of surprises, with underdogs exceeding expectations.
Wow. Nearly every match this week was filled with drama and reminded everyone of the beauty of continental competitions. From wonder goals to disappointing performances, here’s a brief review of a chunk of the matches played. I’ve only managed to watch these highlights, so these reviews do not represent the full matches but key moments.
Arsenal 2-2 Bayern Munich: Penalty Controversy Steals the Attention
A Harry Kane goal against Arsenal on his return to North London was written in the stars.
Of course, as a Spurs fan, it was a delight to see Harry Kane score against the Gunners, making him the highest goalscorer against Arsenal at the Emirates. As he said in his post-match interview, Arsenal tend to concede penalties to Kane, with him scoring his 15th goal against them - and 8 of them being penalties. Maybe it’s not a good decision to let the striker of your biggest rivals be the top scorer at you on your ground, yeah?
Besides me fawning over Harry for a bit, the game was good. Saka opened the scoring with a beautiful finish thanks to some pretty poor defending from Davies, who struggled against Arsenal’s leading man (and picked up a yellow, meaning he misses their next meeting). Unsurprisingly, Arsenal played on the front foot. At the same time, Bayern largely looked to counter, with Bayern’s right winger Sané causing havoc on Arsenal’s left side, and Kiwior looked like a major defensive weakness that night. But it wouldn’t be Kiwior but Gabriel, who’s arguably been better than Saliba this season, who loses the ball, resulting in former Arsenal player Gnarby equalising for the visitors.
Usually, with a leakproof defence in the league, Sané again caused trouble as he glided through it, and Saliba conceded a penalty through a stuck-out leg. Raya dived about ten business days before Kane even moved, resulting in Kane waiting and slotting it away instead of his usual “I’m going to launch this bad boy into the net as hard as possible,” silencing the Emirates as Bayern played without away fans.
Trossard, who was subbed on Martinelli (I was surprised he didn’t start if I’m honest), would go on to equal for the home side with a sweet strike. Still, ultimately, the game ended in a 2-2 draw - a much better result for Bayern than Arsenal, who should have taken advantage of Bayern, given this is one of the weakest teams they’ve displayed in a long, long time.
Of course, the game had to end in controversy as Saka tried to draw a foul from Neuer in the last minute instead of shooting at an open goal. I think the criticisms have gotten out of hand, but I agree that it was a poor decision by Saka and Neuer, who knew that he wouldn’t get the ball and stopped moving his leg. Saka’s leg didn’t look in a particularly natural position, but camera angles make it a difficult call. I read an opinion that Arsenal likely tries to draw fouls to take advantage of set pieces, which I think is a good point. However, in the world of VAR, they need to get it out of their system when they’re in the box. Ultimately, what has happened happened, and both sides need to let go of it as an exciting game is teed up at the Allianz Arena.
My MOTMs: Odegaard (ARS); Kane (FCB)
Real Madrid 3-3 Man City: Wonder Goals Star in 6-Goal Thriller
Ruben Dias scored an unfortunate goal and didn’t have the best of times against Vinicius and Rodrygo.
Bar the four incredible goals scored, the real news to come out of the game was Pep pronouncing “vomit” in quite a zesty manner when asked about Kevin de Bruyne’s absence from the starting lineup. Even his stomach is against him playing in big UCL nights, I’m afraid (I still love that man).
Before the clock could even hit a minute, Tchouaméni got carded for a foul on Grealish - which, if I’m honest, was entirely unnecessary - and now misses the second leg. Minutes later, Silva scored a beautiful free kick. Some may argue Lunin should have done better, but let’s be honest: you, him, the players, the managers, the Bernabeu and the neighbour’s dog weren’t expecting that. Real Madrid then responded with two rapid goals in the 12th and 14th minute, with Dias conceding an own goal and Rodrygo scoring, both from taking advantage of City’s relatively slow back line. The game slowed down after that, and City were sloppy at best.
They massively improved in the second half, though, and managed to turn the 2-1 scoreline in their favour, with Foden (it just had to be him) scoring from range perfectly into the top left corner, making it impossible for Lunin to make the save. Gvardiol then one-upped it with an even better goal on his right foot, his first goal for City since his summer transfer. This goal sparked a lot of humorous Twitter conversation, with City fans saying that Walker will be shooting from 40 yards out constantly and Liverpool fans saying that they don’t even want to think about Robertson shooting like that on his left - let alone right foot. Gvardiol hasn’t been the 70m signing most have expected, but his upturn of form lately has been promising.
Three unforgettable goals weren’t enough, and Valverde scored an even better strike to level the game at 3-3. For all the hype of Real closing the Bernabeu roof (which one commented that it looked like an air fryer, which I’m afraid I have to agree) and wearing all white, it was an excellent game for the neutral, but not so much for the Madridistas, who may have the 4-0 trashing at the Etihad in mind…
Oh, and of course, Haaland ghosted. Whether or not he served as a distraction for the centre-backs or just failed to get involved is not my fight to fight.
My MOTMs: Vinicius Jr (RMA); Gvardiol (MCI)
Atletico Madrid 2-1 Dortmund: The Metropolitano Still Stands Strong
What can I say? Atletico did what it always does.
So, I’m not an avid watcher of Atletico, and I’m even less of a Bundesliga person. Thanks to time zones, I don’t watch European games live either, so I wasn’t precisely tuned into this match as much as I should, but it was still exciting.
Atletico should have had more than a one-goal advantage but failed to capitalise, notably when Lino should have scored in the 71st minute. This is especially true given Dortmund’s inconsistent form this season. However, their UCL form should be applauded as they escaped the “Group of Death” relatively more straightforwardly than the other three teams. The home side stunned Dortmund early in the game, with De Paul capitalising on a Kobel-Maatsen mistake to score in the 4th minute. Although Dortmund had the ball, all the chances came from Atletico, who…well, Atletico-ed with a back five and looked to counter, as is the Diego Simeone way.
The home side would deservedly double to lead through Lino to round off the first half. Dortmund finally grew as the game went on and did manage to snatch a goal back through Haller to keep Dortmund in the second tie. It's less eye-catching than the previous night's matches, but the second leg should be fun to watch.
My MOTMs: Griezmann (ATM); Haller (BVB)
PSG 2-3 Barcelona: Xavi’s Super Subs Give Barca a One-Goal Advantage
What’s up with big stars and poor UCL nights? Mbappe ghosts as PSG loses at home.
PSG ultras had a lot to say and do before the match, with them launching fireworks at the hotel Barcelona were staying at 4 am, chanting “p*ta Barca” (f*ck Barca) to the players, as well as “Real Madrid” too. Some bold moves, considering their star man will leave them to Real Madrid for nothing, but PSG ultras have always been questionable. Some Barcelona players, like Ferran Torres and youngest Marc Guiu, were seen recording and laughing, likely at the fans. They would also have the last laugh that night as the current La Liga holders left with a one-goal advantage.
Barcelona started the game much stronger than PSG (they had 0.81 xG, ten shots and one on-target versus 0.33 xG and eight off-target shots) and were rewarded when Raphinha scored in an empty net. They carried this lead to halftime, but PSG was on the front pedal when the second-half whistle blew, looking like an entirely different team. Barcelona couldn’t handle the pressure, and former Barcelona man Dembele scored (and celebrated) and was followed by Vitinha - who’s been having an excellent season for the Ligue 1 giants - only three minutes later.
However, Xavi’s super substitutions would save the game for Barcelona, as Roberto came off for Pedri, who then produced a wonder assist within a minute with his first touch of the game - and his first touch since his injury in March - to Raphinha, as all the Brazilian had to do was slot it past Donnarumma to level the game. Later, de Jong would come off for Christensen, and this time, he one-upped Pedri and scored thanks to a Gündogan corner with his first touch, which was within a minute of coming on. On his birthday, too!
As a Barcelona fan, I would have been happy with a draw at the Parc des Princes, but to leave with a win really must have been confidence high - even if it’s only a one-goal margin and there’s still all to play for that the Montjuïc Stadium next week. I can’t lie - Dembele scoring and celebrating hurt, but I think Barca fans have overreacted, especially those calling for the Figo treatment. Honestly, I’m just glad he did what he did and left us with some money instead of going on a free next summer.
My MOTMs: Vitinha (PSG); Raphinha (FCB)
Liverpool 0-3 Atalanta: Klopp’s Farewell Party in Tatters
Poor, poor mistakes from the Reds resulted in a completely unexpected scoreline.
My oh my, where do I even start? For starters, I’d like to say that I quite like Klopp. I think it’s a bit of a shame he’s leaving Liverpool, and I hope he leaves the club on a high note. I’m glad they won the EFL Cup, so at least they have something, even if it’s the least noteworthy competition they could win; a cup is a cup (but I am a Spurs fan, so I’m not exactly in a position to judge).
That being said, Liverpool’s defence was sh*t. I’m sorry, but it had to be said. I like Kelleher, and I think he’s been pretty good for Liverpool, given he’s not a starter and has to fill in Alisson's shoes, but man, that first goal was a bummer - although I don’t think that should take away from his other two incredible saves before and after the error - Kelleher did end up conceding two more after that (neither of which the goalkeeper was at fault for, but he did concede). Unfortunately, goalkeepers tend to be remembered for the goals they concede, not the ones they prevent.
Attacking-wise, Liverpool was fine but very much not clinical - although I don’t know if Klopp wished for goals when he started a front three of Gakpo-Nuñez-Elliot. There were a few promising sequences, but Nuñez (absolutely no one is surprised) was wasteful - but he’s not the only culprit.
Atalanta tried to catch Liverpool on the counter - again, to no one’s surprise - and they reaped the awards. Italian striker Scamacca scored two against Liverpool in the 38th and 60th minute, the first taking advantage of Kelleher not reacting nearly fast enough for a preventable goal as it slid under the ‘keeper and the second coming from a cross when (1) Van Dijk really should have closed down De Ketelaere and (2) Scamancca should not have been so open and unmarked.
The third was by Pasalic and was to an inexplicable back pass by Szoboszlai - although Kelleher did block the initial shot by Ederson, it wasn’t enough. The backline wasn’t trying to prevent the two later goals by how they reacted. They were walking back when the Atalanta players really should have been closed down earlier.
A comeback looks unlikely as Liverpool plays away next, although it’s not off the cards. Liverpool have now drawn to an underwhelming United and lost at home to a side that’s 6th on the Serie A table and have lost their two recent games. Their finishing has disappointed them despite having some of the Premier League’s best forwards and playing well in their previous Europa games. This game is a major result for Atalanta and confirms them in the semifinal - though I don’t want to jinx it.
You have quite a lot of work to do if you want that nice farewell party, Jürgen Klopp.
My MOTMs: Gakpo (LIV); Scamacca (ATA)
Leverkusen 2-0 West Ham: So Close Moyes! But Forget It
Moyes-ball almost gets them a draw…until it didn’t.
I’ll be zooming through the next few because I think the results are coming, or I don’t follow the teams too much.
Leverkusen’s 30 shots to West Ham’s one sums it up. Still, West Ham did look like they were going to snatch a point until the German side finally broke the deadlock with seven minutes of regular time remaining through Hofmann, who would also assist Boniface’s goal in stoppage time. Fabianski bailed the team out on multiple occasions, displaying some fantastic saves. On a better or worse day - depending on who you’re asking - Leverkusen easily could have had three to five goals. A two-goal deficit is saveable for West Ham at home, but they’ll need to do better on the counter.
Also, please end Leverkusen’s unbeaten streak. If the streak ends by Moyes ball, it’d be hilarious, and I need one less thing for them to be happy about (I’m just a little salty).
My MOTMs: Fabianski (WHU), Hofmann (B04)
AC Milan 0-1 Roma: What in the World is De Rossi Cooking?
Roma play at home next with a one-goal advantage.
All I can say is that Roma should have fired Mourinho ages ago if De Rossi was willing to take the job before his release (and this isn’t even my Spurs bias talking) because you’re telling me De Rossi has only lost to Inter and Brighton (in a useless game) between then and now? What in the world is he cooking in Rome?
Also, that back-and-forth between Giroud and Lukaku was hilarious. It’s even funnier when the replays show that Lukaku’s making the goalkeeper’s life way harder by standing in front of him and preventing Svilar from catching the ball.
No man of the matches because that’s all the highlights had.
Aston Villa 2-1 Lille: Work to Be Done Next Week
McGinn, with his iconic celebration as he put the Villans two in front.
The game was a perfect McGinn performance from the looks of it. I’ll admit that the second goal looked accidental on Bailey’s part (that slip…was he trying to cross?), but that strike was terrific. Of course, Lille did manage to pull one back, but Martinez also made some stunning saves to keep Villa in the game in the first half. The way he comes off his line with that confidence is impressive.
My MOTMs: McGinn (AVL), Diaketé (LIL)
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part 2 of stuff that happened in the 2022/2023 football season that should send us into a coma but we’re too desensitized:
for part one go here.
1. the bayern board deciding to sack nagelsmann before the most important game of their season because he showed up to work on a skateboard
2. related: nagelsmann finding out he was sacked through social media while he was away on a ski trip
3. also related: nagelsmann getting dumped the same weekend he lost his job.
4. todd boehly getting advice on what to do with chelsea from james corden (known west ham fan) and hiring frank lampard
5. tuchel and conte fight
6. the ghana coach taking a selfie with heung min son while son is sobbing after losing in the World Cup
7. the five minutes where both spain and germany were out of the World Cup
8. mourinho being in (and being sampled in!) stormzy’s music video
9. psg’s director of football going down to the field to curse them out
10. aguero turning up to the world cup celebrations in a full kit
11. the pope summoning atletico madrid’s physio all the way to the vatican to treat him
12. arsenal bottling the title (2023 version)
13. rebekah vardy tried to trademark the phrase wagatha christie
14. luis enrique saying ferran torres will never play football again if he did the pacifier celebration after scoring
15. jose saying the only club he doesn’t have any feelings for is tottenham hotspur
16. mason mount having a stalker
17. jack grealish discovered what a camel is
18. the saudi team getting new cars during the World Cup
19. cho gue sung telling ronaldo to fuck off and then getting flooded with marriage proposals
20. the princess of spain having a crush on gavi
21. luton town promoted so now you have to walk through some guy’s garden to get to their stadium
22. the gio reyna and gregg berhalter usmnt saga
23. the pogba/mbappe witch doctor saga
24. ac milan sacked maldini and now the players all wanna leave
25. conte’s press conference where he basically said “it’s the history of the tottenham”
26. barcelona winning the league at espanyol and then the espanyol fans chasing the barca players off the pitch
27. the one pitch invader who pushed eddie howe
28. ac milan having to answer to their ultras after a match
29. calum wilson and antonio laughing at richarlison for flopping
30. klopp doing his hamstring and adding to liverpool’s injury problems
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