#artificial. and i feel awkward bc i never make eye contact or look at anyone in a way i think is typical bc i see ppl look at me

[swyllh]

[jeonghan] rent-a-rival

title: rent-a-rival

pairing: jeonghan x fem! reader

synopsis: you’re working as a rental girlfriend, and your boss assigns you to a strange new client. a fake dating au to the letter. 

note: lighthearted and mostly dumb idea i had. see end of post for explanations (unlikely satisfactory but relevant).

-

there are only three rules from your agency:

1. clients can only be contacted via the company portal

2. extra services, tips or expensive gifts are expressly forbidden

3. do not fall in love with your client

-

somehow yoon jeonghan is absolutely nothing like his case file. you’d suggested a picnic date, to start things slow and surmountable for a ‘single, awkward 25 year old preparing himself for the dating world’. this morning you’d woken up at five, ready to wow your client with handmade lunches and brownies, ready to sit through at least two hours of talk about artificial intelligence and computing clouds. 

but this man. god, this man. 

yoon jeonghan picks up an avocado sashimi sushi with a pair of glistening rose-gold chopsticks, cooing, “say ‘ahh’.”

he has blonde hair. he’s got cashmere on. and he’s pulling out avocado sashimi sushi- packed neatly- from inside that homely-looking bento box. you breathe in deeply, say ‘ahh’, and wonder when exactly your handmade lunch was unceremoniously shoved back into your tote bag.

so much for sincerity. you chew thoughtfully, and goddammit it does taste good. too good. 

“babe,” he’s been calling you the entire time, “how was it?”

it’s probably store-bought. it has to be. you smile, cupping your cheek and lying through your teeth, “it’s delicious! did you make this yourself?” 

jeonghan flushes, tilting his head down and mumbling abashedly, “...i spent a while perfecting it.”

okay, so maybe he’s, like, doing his best. you’re not here to judge. “it really worked out; you’ve really got a talent for cooking.”

“anything for my princess,” he says, peeking up at you from those cursed fluttering lashes. 

swallow it down. by god you are swallowing the avocado sushi down. “oh, that’s so sweet of you.”

maybe trying too hard. you pat your gingham skirt down and reach out for a pair of chopsticks. “you’ve barely eaten anything, here, say ‘ahh’.”

jeonghan blinks, and you think you’ve caught a glimpse of something like affront, or distaste flash across his face. it’s the tiniest quirk of his brows, the minute scrunch of his nose, and the tensing of his jaw. speaking of, how is it humanly possible for someone to have a jaw so sharp it cuts?

but then jeonghan regains himself, cherry blossom lips and all, and leans in. his eyes - are those grey contacts??? - never looking away from yours. is this a prank? there’s probably a hidden camera somewhere behind that tree, or under that park bench, waiting for you to slip up. 

“oh!” jeonghan says, long fingers pressed to his mouth. his nails are neat. they might be sparkling - or it’s the same trick of light that formed a halo around his fluffy blonde hair when you met at the station. “oh, it tastes like happiness.”

what the hell.

that’s a new one. you put on your employee-of-the-month service grin, internally panicking. what do you do from here? your angelic girl-next-door act isn’t doing anything, and acting like a cute childhood sweetheart is just going to enable him further.

“s-so!” you’re a professional and by god you swear you’ll make it through the next hour at least. “how’s work been? you must be tired.”

jeonghan stiffens. oh, so maybe he’s the type who’s actually embarrassed to tell people about working in IT? but he looks nothing like the stereotypes.

“it’s nothing to worry about,” jeonghan soothes, reaching over to cup your hand. “when i’m with you i can think of nothing else.”

do not shake that hand off. do not. you’re so close to hitting a hundred-percent satisfaction rating. 

“you can tell me anything,” you say, carefully leaning away (and peeling your hand out from under his warm palm) to rummage through your bag. “i’m here for you.”

jeonghan’s gaze flickers across the picnic mat, and then to the sky. “hey, doesn’t that cloud look like a bunny?”

you follow his pointer finger, noting the slightest band of skin - milky white and reddened. the cloud he’s pointing at looks just like a strangely shaped circle. um.

“that’s cute,” you say, giving a perfunctory nod. does he want to talk about cloud computing? “oh, that reminds me-”

“over the uplands,” jeonghan says, grinning victoriously. the smile fades when he turns to look at you. “charles harold davis, right?”

“absolutely,” you grit your teeth and soldier on. what the heck is he on? is this some computing engineer you’ve missed out while researching? “do you like his works?”

jeonghan gives you a quizzical look, and then smiles warmly, like there isn’t a storm drumming up inside of you. “of course, it’s so- magical. it’s like a testament to how big the world out there is.”

it’s too late to do any last minute research now. you’ll just have to work with metaphors and perfecting your coy smiles. 

“it’s divinely symmetrical,” you say. you could say that about code, right? probably. “to the point of perfection. it, like, reminds me of how much humans can do, you know?”

jeonghan nods thoughtfully, and then flops down entirely on the picnic mat. he glances up at you (again!), eyes adorned with sapphire flecks. is this really a ‘single, awkward 25 year old preparing himself for the dating world’? well, if he’s paying your bills, you’re not going to question it.

you lie down beside him, determined to provide a five-star service. if he wants a cliche from some rom-com, who are you to judge? jeonghan turns to you, earnest and gorgeous in the fading sunlight.

“it’s so hard to believe you’re mine right now,” he says.

you can feel your cheeks warm up, traitorously. it’s just that it’s been a long time since you’ve gone on a date with anyone so pretty, and so gosh darn fluent in the language of sweet nothings. and you’re just being jumpy because he throws you curveballs, that’s all. 

jeonghan looks at you, eyes-wide and all too telling. an ominous feeling swells up in your chest. what if-

“i’ve got something to tell you,” you say, just as

jeonghan looks you straight in the eye, “i have to say something.”

oh no. oh no. it can’t be a confession. 

“i’m sorry, our agency doesn’t allow us to date our clients!” you both exclaim.

this is the worst. this is the worst. there goes your five-stars rating for this- wait, what?

“you’re yoon jeonghan, correct?” you say, sitting up. “25 year old, IT helpdesk gopher, working at s.a. college?”

he nods, stunned into silence. and then props himself up, shaking his head vigorously. “no, i’m jeonghan, but i’m not- that. aren’t you the girl working at the national arts gallery?”

“no, i’m- i’m a rental girlfriend from lunar rental girlfriends,” you say, some twisted realisation dawning on you. “your agency... client...”

“i’m working with apollo rent-a-date,” jeonghan says, voice clipped, all traces of affection vanishing. “shit. what the hell?”

precisely. you check your email, refreshing urgently. a new email titled “urgent: please revert” glares at you. an administrative error. 

“it’s an administrative error,” you say, dropping that cheerful falsetto you were using. you woke up at five, for god’s sake.

jeonghan barks out a laugh, dropping back down onto the mat. “what the fuck, this is so lame.”

you’re irate all the same, burning up with mortification. he fooled you. and he looked so pretty doing it. and you blushed?! you’re lunar’s top employee- you’ve been employee of the month consistently for the past year. how could you? and what about your actual client? what if he’s been waiting for hours somewhere else?

that roguish bastard chuckles at your clear dismay, and then nudges his bento box with an elbow. “hey, so this cost eighteen bucks at the store.”

you’re going home, and you’re taking a long nap. but before that, you snatch yoon jeonghan’s bento box up. “say ‘ahh’, babe.”

“huh-mmmmf!” he chokes, avocado smeared across his cheeks.

-

notes: 

FAKE DATING AU BUT THEYRE BOTH RENT A GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND SERVICES AND THEY HATE EACH OTHER BC EACH ONE KEEPS TALKING ABOUT AN UNRELATED INTEREST BASED ON THEIR CASE FILES

also can you imagine if the administrative error was because lunar rental girlfriends agency and apollo rent-a-date were merging :0) and then there are more ~ shenanigans ~ where mc and jeonghan compete to be employee of the month????? oh boyy