#avril dacklot

[abt-rampicanti]

The two of us and the fireflies

Characters: Percy Jackson x Avril Dacklot

Oc is a child of Hades and uses she/her pronouns

A/N: Hi! It's been a while since I've posted something, but here we are. This writing is really important to me and I hope you like it!

Dual Pov

Avril Dacklot

After everything that happened, sitting on the bench in Camp Half-blood hill staring at nothing was probably the best thing that could happen to me.

Obviously, going to the fireworks beach and looking and staring at the water would be more calming, but that place was full of memories, and I didn’t exactly want to remember them all. Don’t get me wrong, they aren’t bad memories, they’re mostly confusing and I am already confused enough on my own.

Fragments of the events of the past weeks surfaced in my mind.

"I can't stand living three hours without you, your obsession with plants and all your coffee mugs. So, if you're going to die, you're going to bring me with you"

Why would he tell me that just to act as nothing happened?

Oh no, no, no. I came here to avoid thinking of the topic, not to have a mental conversation about it.

See, that’s why I hate the night. It forces you to face all the thoughts that you so hardly tried to put aside during the day, busying yourself with tons of activities. All of that comes back, and you can’t escape it anymore, because you can’t do any activity in the middle of the night, and even if you found something to do, you would still end up with your mind wandering about that thing, and if haven’t been clear enough, I do not want to think about it, or he, both of them work.

Percy Jackson

I’m officially screwed.

Well, not in a the-minotaur-is-attacking-me-and-it-seems-angrier-than-usual-di-immortales-what-do-I-do, but in an oh-my-gods-my-best friend-of-years-kissed-me-(twice!)-and-I-am-a-fool-for-not-letting-her-know-how-I-feel. But if I had to be honest, if me not being clear about my feelings has hurt Avril in every way, I’d rather be chased by the minotaur.

I don’t think I’d forgive myself if I were to know that she’s been through any kind of pain because of something I did. She didn’t deserve it.

Yesterday, I messed up badly. I didn’t react how I should have, and Avril misunderstood my not reacting for lack of interest. Which wasn’t/isn’t/never will be true.

I'm hers. She might not be mine (although I honestly hope she’d like to be), but I certainly am hers. People expect me to be the one who wears the pants, but with her? No. If she told me to wait for her, I would do it. If she told me to kill myself so that she could be happy, I'd do that too. She's got me in a chokehold, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

And I wasn’t able to tell her that yesterday. Because my brain was melted into a puddle and she was in front of me, lips slightly parted and cheeks flushed and her brown eyes weren’t cold anymore, they looked soft, warm and welcoming and I didn’t know what to do: she’s so amazing and she deserves the world, the universe and all that and I am just Percy. I am the idiot that blinked dumbly when the girl of his dreams implied that she liked him too.

And I’m so angry because when Grover called me, I left her there and avoided her for the rest of the day. Rightfully, she ignored me too, and even though I understood the reasons behind it, I’ve never felt more miserable, because you know when it's June, and you've just woken up; the windows are open and you can feel the sunlight on your face: you're happy because it embraces you with a warmth so gentle that it reminds you of home? Well, that's how being with her felt like for me, and suddenly I wasn’t able to experience all that anymore. Quick as a summer’s night, my main serotonin provider had stopped working, and I had full knowledge that it was my fault.

I wonder where Avril is now. Maybe she is in Cabin 13 with Nico and Hazel, sleeping (although I doubt it, she never sleeps) or maybe talking about random things. Or, if life has decided to make me lucky, Avril is near Half-blood hill, doing the-gods-know-what.

I should test my luck and go find her. Maybe she’ll reject me and yell at me, or maybe she is in her Cabin. Anyway, I decided to give it a try.

In a bit of rush (how can you not be when there’s your crush outside and you have a chance to confess your unconditional love to her), I got off my bed, put my shoes on and hurried out of Cabin 3, not without tripping over some textbook I left on the floor.

After tiptoeing all along the path that runs along the Lake, which I then crossed quietly (good-old-godly-genetics), I tried to be as little visible as possible (no one wants to become food for Harpies) as I passed Big House and the volleyball courts to reach Half-Blood Hill. I got distracted and stepped on some dry leaves, which, of course, rustled not so quietly. I then proceeded to cuss not so silently, either.

Avril Dacklot

A rustle of leaves startled me, and put me out of my train of thoughts, forcing me to look in the direction of the sound, while also preparing to shadow-travel, in case it was a Harpy.

It wasn’t. The thing that made that sound was a person, and thanks to the moonlight, I was able to recognise them easily. It was Percy, of course.

Saying that him being here didn’t faze me, would be lying. The thing was, though, that I didn’t know how to feel; on one hand, I was happy he was here because we would be able to talk, on the other hand, however, I was very annoyed about the fact that he intruded my space, and I didn’t want to talk to him, about anything.

It’s not that I’m angry at him or something, and I enjoy late-night talks with Percy, he’s my best friend for crying out loud! The problem was that he confused me, leaving me hanging, and I didn’t know how to react. Because I think I love him, and I don't know how to deal with that. How do you just allow someone to have your entire heart and live with the knowledge that they may break it? That at any moment, they might decide you're not worth it?

What if he does? What if he realises that there are so many people better than me, that would be better friends, too? He might choose to leave me, then, and he wouldn’t even be wrong. But this whole situation scares the living hell out of me, I don’t want to lose him, there is no me without him. I don't know what I would do if we were to part.

Pfft… We’re getting too sentimental here, and I don’t do feelings. No, I don’t.

Well, maybe sometimes. When I’m dancing, or playing the piano, or writing, but for the rest of the time? No, not at all.

I am programmed to be successful: be the best in school, be the best at dancing, win everything there is to be won. When you live like that, there is no room for sentimentalism. Feelings distract you, make you lose your focus, make you weak and make you fail. I can’t let that happen, I don’t need a break, I need to thrive, to succeed, and if I need to sacrifice everything for that, I probably will. I am aware of the fact that nothing comes for free. If I fail, I’ll fall apart.

People come to me not because I’m funny, or pretty, or empathetic, they do that because they want something, could it be notes, or help with a specific topic, or homework, even.

Being good in school is all I have, what gives me a place among all the others, the only thing that makes me feel seen. I want to make history. Have a place in it, at least. If I have to live, I want it to matter, I want to have an impact on the future. If I don’t manage to do that, what will I become? Will people still value me, when I don’t succeed anymore? Or will I be just another someone that got lost on the way to achievement? Will I be forgotten? Will I be just someone’s daughter? Someone’s friend? Someone’s sidekick? Who knows the answer? I certainly don’t, and I don’t want to discover it. So, I try my best to not let that happen; I keep going, getting straight As, taking notes even when I’m too tired to, just so I can look like the perfect student. I refuse to feel tired, stressed, sad: to be like that you have to be numb, or you might get lost in yourself.

Well, I believe I’m doing some great work, there. So much that people don’t even bother asking me how I’m feeling before requesting help in school.

Even now, after all these years, I’m still surprised by the audacity of men: while I was busy analysing the mysteries of humanity, Percy managed to sit next to me.

I guess I can’t run anymore.

Percy Jackson

After she acknowledged my presence, I sat next to her.

You could see the tension between us, and I think I would have been able to touch it, too.

That didn’t really help with my anxiety.

“Hey”, Avril just hums in response, but it’s still an answer, so I’ll take it as a victory.

“Ehm, do you mind if I …” “What? No, of course not”

Oh, thank the gods

It was a pretty good start, I suppose. She didn’t shout, yell, or cuss at me, and she didn’t even tell me to leave. I couldn’t see her face really well, but I think she kept glancing my way as if expecting me to say something.

Not one to disappoint, I took the hint. “Listen, I want to talk”, Avril turned her head to face me, so I decided to keep going, “I made a mistake”

“Did you?”

“Yeah."

“Alright.”

That didn’t go as expected. Now I was really starting to panic: Avril didn’t seem to want to engage in a conversation with me, and things were going to be way more difficult.

“This evening, I should have acted differently and-”

“Percy, it doesn’t matter, really”

“No. No, it does matter, Avril”

“I’m telling you, it doesn’t. It’s all right, I get it. It’s absolutely normal, things like that happen, but that’s how life goes-”

“Di Immortales Avril, would you listen to me for a second?”

“Yeah, right sorry”

“What I’m trying to say, is that I shouldn’t have chickened out and I should have discussed it with you instead of running off to Grover as soon as I got the chance. I know that it wasn’t the best way to act” Avril faked a cough, “Ok, it was the worst way to act, but I’m trying to do things right now if you want me to”

Avril didn’t answer that. Instead, she took my hand and squeezed it. It felt nice, like extremely nice, like full-on mind-blowing-my-heart-is-going-to-explode nice, but I can’t say I wasn’t having the time of my life, sitting there holding her hand. Not for the first time tonight, I turned to look at her, and suddenly my breath got caught in my throat: I had never seen anything prettier. Her eyes were pointed to the stars above us, and I was sure that even those, looking down to a sight so amazing, shone a little brighter.

I must have been staring for quite a long time, because Avril turned her head towards me and said, very romantically: “What?”, so I answered, still very romantically: “Nothing”.

We went back to being silent, and that felt amazing, too. It wasn’t awkward, or tense, it just held the knowledge that I was there and she was there too, that we were comfortable together, without needing to have a conversation of any kind, that it was just the two of us, and the fireflies.

After a few minutes of looking into the universe’s secrets, Avril broke the silence, “Do you want to know something?”, “If you’re the one who’s telling it, obviously I do”, “Well, I've never believed in the concept of the other half, I've always thought that everybody was whole on their own, that there was no need for company." I probably looked at her with curiosity on my face, brows furrowed and head slightly tilted: I had no idea of where this was going, "And Now? What happened?" "Then I met you. I’m really glad I did".

Oh. Avril certainly has a way to make someone feel special, giving them random information about how her view of the world has changed thanks to them, and, apparently, she always manages to leave you at loss for words. Loss for words or not, I forced myself to say something, trying to express to her at least an ounce of how much I was glad to have her, but before I managed to finish, Avril interrupted me again, "Don't you dare say something heartfelt, if you always try and succeed in being nice, when do I get my moment to be in the spotlight?" You always are to me, I wanted to say, but I decided against it, squeezing her hand instead, hoping she would get the message.

Things were going smoothly, we haven’t talked about that whole “thing” yet, but it’s alright: we’re taking it slow, and we weren’t forcing anything.

It was no easy fall, being with Avril, whether it was a friendship or something more: that girl was the most closed-off person I’ve ever met as if she had taken her heart, storing it in a box, locked it and thrown away the key, surrounding said box with tall and thick walls, bordered by traps and a lava pit. It’s a shame, really: that girl certainly has an ego the size of the Pacific Ocean, but she undoubtedly has a heart to match it, although she would deny it even on her death bed.

Avril’s voice brought me out of my thoughts once again, “What are you thinking about? I can feel you getting all philosophical and stuff”

“Nothing. Besides, aren’t you doing the same thing?”,

“Me? Thinking? No, absolutely not, never done that before”.

We both turned to face each other, and then Avril started laughing. Not a chuckle, or a shy giggle, but a burst of whole laughter, the one that makes your eyes crinkle at the corners. It made sparkles ignite inside me, the sound full, warm and so, so, Avril.

After she stopped laughing (and I had to force myself to not be sad for not being able to hear that sound anymore), Avril asked me if I would reattach her head if it was ever cut off, and since it was an absurd question, my answer was: “Why are you asking me that?”

Avril, very eloquently, said that it was ‘because she wanted to’, and seeing that she expected an answer, and given that I have no knowledge about how that works, the only thing that I was able to say was “You're the architect here, not me.”, which of course was a stupid answer, but it was the only thing I could manage.

Avril, however, wasn’t taken aback by my lack of answering skills, and what she replied surprised me even more than the question itself, “Yeah, but if I'll ever end up in the need to get my head reattached, I'd want you to be the one to do it”.

I didn’t know how to answer that. I mean, all those little remarks and all that teasing were easy to answer, but such unexpected and genuine heart-felt sentences weren’t something I was used to, at least, not when talking to Avril, not that I minded, of course.

We were still facing each other and we were still holding hands, so my amazing brain decided to make me shoot my shot, “We could kiss right now”.

Avril surprised me again, “We could have kissed when you first sat a few hours ago, too”.

What’s that supposed to mean? Should I kiss her? Should I give her some distance? Should I throw myself off this cliff?

My thoughts were interrupted when I felt Avril shift closer to me. I took the hint.

I’ve watched my fair share of rom-coms, with my mother mostly, and there they describe every kiss very vividly so that it seems amazing and breath-taking. You always end up believing them, setting some extremely high standards that never, in no situation, anybody would be able to meet.

Now, take those high standards, multiply them for ten, and you’ll know how kissing Avril (as in kissing for real, with my hands caressing her cheeks and her arms around my neck) felt for me.

Unfortunately, humans get out of breath, so we had to part, not ready to let such a mind-blowing feeling go, trying to prolong it as much as possible, I rested my forehead against hers, basking in the feeling of having her so close, even if just for a short time.

The rest of the night passed in a blur. I remember walking Avril back to her cabin and kissing her goodnight and then almost getting caught by the Harpies because I was too busy doing a little victory dance to care about them.

I have no idea about how you’re supposed to act when you’re dating someone, well, I do know how two people act when they’re dating, but nobody has ever published something between the lines of “How to date Avril Dacklot: a step-to-step guide for beginners”, because that girl certainly deserved the world, and I don’t know how to act. So, if you were to ask me, no, I have no idea of what I'm doing.

But this morning Avril saw me at breakfast, smiled and then kissed me, so I'd say that I'm doing it amazingly. If s she’s happy, smiles when she sees me, and I can get to hug or kiss her sometimes, I’ll believe that I’m doing a great job. Also, I doubt that Avril wouldn’t kick my butt if I ever didn’t.

What about me, you say? As long as I have her, and as long as I know that she’s aware of the fact that she has me, too, you can be sure that I’ll be out here living my best life.

I don’t know if the Fates had something else planned for me, but honestly, I don't even care. Not even the end of the world could make me change my mind about being with her.