Complicit // 8
summary: Shawn is under more pressure than he’s ever known. He craves release and comfort, the simplicity of sex. He gets more than he bargained for.
warnings: language, NSFW (the kind that anon politely asked me not to write but I did it anyway -- this is your warning, sweet friend), alarming tenderness... and what comes after
WC: 6.9k
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S.M.: Can I ask you for something?
Penny wakes up to see a text sent at 2:30am on the morning of her day date with Shawn. He requested the day date specifically -- he’s been in Europe for a week for a festival in Helsinki and his body clock is so fucked up he feels sick when he tries to figure out what day it is.
He has the day to himself before he has a Bex outing planned for that evening -- drinks at The Nice Guy, some kissing and maybe a little minor groping outside the cars as they leave conspicuously together. He wants to spend those hours before, his hours, with Penny.
Orthodontist: You may.
S.M.: Can we be cozy? I want to see you but I’m fucking wiped out. Cozy sweats day?
Penny frowns at the frantic tugging in her gut, the one Silver trained to save her from something all escorts go through at one point or another, the one that should make her wary of the potential intimacy of something like this. Penny clears her throat and lets her thumbs fly.
Orthodontist: Of course. See you soon.
She’s paid to give the client what they want. If they want the girlfriend experience, that’s what she’ll do. It’s not unique to Shawn, anyway. Plenty of clients have asked for lower key dates once they get comfortable with her. She understands that, the need for that kind of comfort. She used to need that, too.
But the tugging reminds her of the other circumstance. Shawn requested a house call. Again, not unique to him at all. But she has this funny feeling that if Silver took a look at her schedule and saw the date herself, she’d make that carefully concerned-but-not-too-concerned-because-you’re-a-grown-up-and-my-business-partner face. She loves Silver endlessly, but that face makes her feel small.
Penny shakes her head, but just minutely in case he’s watching her walk up through the window. She focuses on the date, on being prepared for whatever he may need from her when she walks through that door.
Client’s needs. Client’s needs.
Penny lets it take over like a mantra as she parks her normal car, the leased white 2021 Passat, beside his Tesla in his driveway like she’s done it a million times. She walks up the steps and rings the doorbell, tucking her hands into the front pocket of her Ivy Park hoodie, trying to look anywhere but right at his front door.
When it swings open, she feels like her heart has spilled out onto her shoes. He’s in a pair of green and blue plaid pajama pants that are inexplicably a little long and pooling around his ankles, despite his impressive height, and a big, loose t-shirt. His hair is wet. He smells like warm soap. His smile is soft and flat. He stands aside to let her in.
“Hi, Penny.”
She hides the full body shiver by doing a quick turn like she’s interested in looking around his foyer. She plasters on a smile.
She’s in his house.
“Hi, Shawn.”
He reaches a hand for her. She knows it’ll be soft and hot from his shower. She braces herself to take it. He tugs her forward, the corner of his mouth lifting as he pulls her in for a kiss. She nearly trips into him, her Ugg moccasins bumping into his bare toes as his nose nudges hers and it’s so startlingly intimate that she purrs into his mouth like he’s not paying for her time.
He curls his hands around her hips and starts to lead her into the house. She follows, taking tiny steps between his feet as he continues kissing her -- quick, open-mouthed kisses.
“Can I just keep kissing you for a while?” he asks, his teeth clanging against hers as he smiles, his eyes shut. She gives him a breathy hum and a nod in response. He guides them through his house blind, ignorant of her curious eyes scanning the area as they go. Her hand rises from his shoulder to cup the back of his head just before it smacks into his closed bedroom door.
He grunts, reaching for the handle to let them in. It’s dark inside -- he’s got those good blackout curtains, the heavy ones that turn any room into a cave. It’s pleasantly cool with a haphazardly made up squishy gray duvet on the bed, nondescript but cozy. Shawn reaches for a lamp on the dresser and it casts the room in a warm orange glaze of light. He sighs contentedly on the way back to her lips. She feels it in her bones as she wraps around him.
She steps out of her moccasins to rise higher on her toes to meet him. His hands wander, curiously, not hungrily, over the worn cotton surface of her hoodie. He sits on the edge of the bed and pulls her in, tucking her around him to straddle him. Penny goes willingly, settling low enough on his thighs that she’s not plastered up against him, but perched comfortably in his lap.
Penny gives Shawn a breather by tucking kisses down his jaw and into his neck. The marks she left last time have all faded back into lightly bronzed summer skin. She kisses and sucks gently, not enough to bruise. Shawn’s fingers twist into the ends of her hair, pulling more teasingly than desperately.
Over his shoulder she spies several ripped up citrus peels on his night stand -- tangerines, she thinks. They have extra bits of pith picked off and spread on top. They explain the bright fruity taste of his mouth.
Penny closes her eyes again and feels him shiver as her teeth graze his jugular. She thinks she could’ve lived without knowing he peels the extra bits of pith off his citrus.
Penny separates from his wet skin with a deep inhale, pressing her hands into his chest to push him back. He goes with a soft smile. Her good boy knows better than to grab at her to drag her with him.
She folds herself over him, gazing between his lips and his flooded brown eyes when he stops her, grunting a little as he raises his chin.
“Where did all these come from?”
He’s staring up at her in wonder, just below her eyes. Her brow furrows. She leans onto one hand to lift her fingers up to graze her nose.
“My freckles?
He beams so wide and lazy it makes her smile too without knowing what they’re grinning about.
“Yeah. You’ve been hiding these under makeup?”
She shrugs.
He lets his eyes trail over the course of them -- a heavy sprinkle over her nose and cheekbones, growing sparse and light down her cheeks.
Shawn closes his eyes and sighs. “Didn’t think you could get prettier.”
Penny dips her head to kiss the spot between his collarbones, tugging at the collar of his shirt to reach it.
“How was Finland?” she finally stammers, needing to put something between them and… this.
“Weirdly hot. And the food was really good.”
She doesn’t bother to point out that she’s been there with the Aston Martin guy. Instead, she nods and watches his blinks get slower and slower.
She wets her lips. “It must’ve been nice to have a break.”
His eyes refocus on her. He stares questioningly.
“From the American press, I mean. I’ve seen a lot of you and Bex lately. Which I guess means that’s going the way it was planned.”
She doesn’t sound bitter or flippant, just matter-of-fact. Shawn ignores the tiny voice that wishes he could accuse her of jealousy. He knows he wouldn’t like her response if he did.
“Yeah,” he hums, “Her album sales have gone up. Mine are projected to be… pretty good.”
He’s being modest. His album is one of the single most anticipated releases of the fall. But thinking about that makes him want to throw up so he chooses to suck on her bottom lip again, re-memorize the little dip in the middle where he likes to flick his tongue.
“It’s ok, you know,” she breathes after he pulls back, “That you don’t want to talk about it with me. I understand it’s… maybe confusing.”
Shawn shakes his head. “It’s not that. Honestly, I’m better talking about it with you than anyone else. I know you’d never judge me.”
She smiles, a little warm, a little sad. “It’s true. The prostitute can’t be throwing stones at any glass… anything.”
Shawn actually chuckles. It’s odd how quickly it happened, but he’s long since gotten used to the notion that she’s a paid sex worker. He probably got over it somewhere around the third orgasm. He knows what Niall meant now about it being like a form of therapy. The stigma doesn’t bother him like it once did.
He lowers his gaze to the strings on her hoodie. “I guess I just like mostly pretending it’s not happening. It’s not… it’s not like I’m miserable around her. She’s a nice girl, she’s fun. But I built a whole relationship with my fans on always being honest. I told them everything, I promised I always would. I gave them everything. Because they’ve given me everything.”
Penny nods. “You made those promises as a teenager. Your life hasn’t been simple in a long time, but it sure as hell was simpler then. You’re a grown man now. No real adult’s life is so easily lived in the spotlight. I know you know that, you’ve lived through some of that already. The rest of the world has to figure out how to deal with you now, how to approach you differently. I don’t think they’ll need much more time. The Bex thing, as much as I know it makes you squirm, it’s working.”
Shawn closes his eyes. He takes a deep breath, feeling it rattle in his chest as tears threaten. He’s so fucking tired.
“It’s working,” he agrees in a croak.
Penny knows enough to move on now. She slides up his body so their heads are level. She teases his bottom lip with the tip of her tongue.
“Your bed is comfy,” she coos, rocking from side to side with a grin.
Shawn seems grateful for the distraction. “You like it?”
“I do. Your place is nice. It’s big but cozy, like you.”
Shawn smiles, releases a little chuckle through his nose. “It’s nice like this… with you. In sweats and t-shirts, just… y’know. It’s easy.”
Penny’s smile grows a little dangerous in that way he loves. “Who said I was gonna make it easy, baby?”
Shawn groans. “You never do. It’s what I like about you.”
Penny purrs, ducking her face back into his neck, on the other side this time as he cradles her. Her fingers sneak up under his shirt, teasing the soft hair on his stomach that trails into his pajama pants. He releases a breath into her hair as his muscles contract.
“What can I do for you, baby? What would you like?”
She usually chooses for them. He usually wants her to. But she must have sensed that he was holding back, wanting to ask. He sighs.
“In the shower I was thinking about… after the cock ring. What we did after.”
Penny’s eyebrows raise. Her heart picks up pace against her ribs. She stays cool and purses her lips.
“What was it we did after, Shawn?”
Shawn’s cheeks start to flush. He rolls his eyes. “You want me to tell you I want you to fuck me in the ass?”
Penny’s eyes go bright with delighted shock. She laughs, “That’s exactly what I want.”
Shawn, never one to deny Penny what she wants, manages to get his mouth around the words, his eyes sliding shut. “I want it, Pen. I want to take your cock like a good boy.”
Penny growls before he even gets the words out. She drops her weight against him, rocking her hips automatically in a way that gets him groaning into her plundering mouth. Before they can get too lost in their almost teenage humping, warmth trapped under layers of clothes, Penny straightens up on her arms, perched over him.
“Did you get ready for it in the shower?”
He nods and glances around his room like he’s just realized something.
“Where’s your suitcase?”
She grins. “I traveled light today. I brought a purse.”
He eyes her. “You… have a strap on in your Prada bag?”
Penny tilts her head. “I’m always prepared.”
She sits up in his lap and stretches her arms up, shedding the bulky hoodie, bare underneath. Shawn whines so loud his torso clenches.
He pants, “Can I touch your nipples?”
Penny nods, continuing her hips’ assault against his. She rolls against him, feeling him go fully hard under the thin flannel fabric of his pants, angling herself so his cock slips against her swollen cunt through her leggings. Shawn’s hands go straight to her breasts, cupping their fullness and positioning his thumbs right over her hard buds, the ones he treated so well he made her come without touching her perfect pussy. He smirks at the memory.
“Thinking about it, baby? About how hard you had me coming just with your pretty mouth on my tits?”
Shawn’s head falls back as he mewls. He loves it when she gets mouthy like this. She’s excited, he can feel it. He thinks maybe she likes pegging him as much as he likes being pegged by her.
Shawn scrapes the tips of his fingernails against her nipples like she likes and it’s like striking a match. Her back stiffens, she groans, loud and deep. He watches them go diamond hard between his fingers, squeezing a little just to get a last dirty thrust of her hips against his before she really goes to work on him. She knows his game and gives him a crooked grin.
“Are you gonna be a good boy or a brat?”
Shawn’s pearly teeth sink into his swollen, wet lip. He nods. “I’ll be so good, Pen. Gonna be your good boy. The best.”
Her lips twitch. She blinks quickly, startled with the words that almost come slipping out of her mouth.
You’re already the best I’ve ever had.
Penny lays her hands over his much larger ones on her chest and peels them away, dropping them beside his cherubic curls. She moves her hands down to rest against the firm stillness of his chest, his steady heartbeat singing for her. His fingers twitch but he remains quiet beneath her, watching her, wondering about her.
Her fingers stretch and relax, scrunching at the fabric of his t-shirt. He lifts his hips invitingly, just grazing her, offering himself to her. Like in case she forgot how much he wants her and needs her, he’s there to remind her.
Penny lowers herself against him slowly and flips them, his arm tucked beneath her, his knees bracketing her legs to hold his weight. She reaches down and lifts the hem of his shirt, wriggling him out of it. She’s hit with a wall of him, warm naked chest and the perfectly Shawn scent that comes with it. It’s the purest version -- devoid of cologne or weed or the incense Cez sometimes burns. It’s his soap, his breath, his shampoo, his skin. She gasps greedy lungfuls, sinking her hands into the easily defined ridges of his back as she grapples with a way to steady herself.
She closes her eyes away from his prying ones and pushes her hands down his hips to shove at the fabric of his pajama pants. With a few heavy grunts, he manages to slip out of those, too, his old plaid boxers going with them. He fights to keep himself from grinding down against her. He can smell how wet she is for him already through her leggings. He slams his eyes shut and struggles to breathe.
He opens them again when he hears her shuffling around beneath him. In a squirm of fabric and freckled skin, she sheds her leggings and whatever panties she had on beneath. For once, he finds he doesn’t care what they look like. He just aches at the sight of her bare and wet, her limbs threading around him like sun-darkened vines.
“How are you always so tan?” he breathes, his mouth tugging up at the corner. Penny grins lazily, her eyes heavy.
“I sunbathe naked on my patio while I listen to audiobooks.”
Shawn is seized by the image, at once so, so painfully sexy and somehow also domestic and warm, like if he spent a few seconds longer with it he could imagine being back there with her, sharing a bottle of wine, playing his guitar for her.
But he definitely doesn’t let himself get that far.
Instead, he buries his face in her neck and inhales. “Fucking gorgeous.”
Penny brings a hand firmly down his spine from his neck to his lower back, squeezing for his attention. “Hold on a second.”
Shawn eases back, blinking curiously. Penny slides out from beneath him. On little brown tiptoes, she hops to the window and peeks out curiously. Once she’s had a look, she glances back over her shoulder at him. His brow lifts.
Penny lifts back the curtains, flooding the room in midday Californian sun. Shawn winces and blinks, turning his cheek. She tucks the curtains back, revealing his view, the rolling, blank green of the Hollywood Hills. Shawn’s lips part like he’s going to say something, but he doesn’t. Penny turns to face him.
“I want to see you in the sunlight.”
Shawn trembles with a shiver as she approaches the bed slowly, perching on the end, cupping his cheek so her thumb runs along the lower edge of his cheekbone.
He can see every freckle. He can see every little smile line. He can see a little ridge-like scar on her temple that he doesn’t know the story of. He can see the way her skin glows like she’s absorbing the sunlight she craved for him. He can see everything.
And so can she. The only natural light she’s seen him in has been cloudy, dusky, early morning light that lovers sleep through, or shrouded by curtains that forgive the sharp edges of shadows and direct sun. She left no room for it here. She can’t believe she never noticed how pink he is, all over. She’s seen it in his cheeks and chest, and on occasion in the skin she’s abused to the point of sweet red welts, but never like this where she gets to see the true permanent almost-blush that sits ready under the surface at all times. It’s breathtaking.
They both know they’re spending too much time openly studying each other, but the opportunity is too tempting to ignore. It’s Penny that breaks first, dropping kisses into his shoulder as she crawls over him, pressing him back into the mattress with a deep sigh.
Through the soft graze of his chest hair, she flicks at his hard little nipples with her tongue, enjoying the way he arches into her with a little huff of air. She keeps on, nose brushing all the petal pink skin she finds on her way down, punctuating with wet presses of her lips until she reaches the dark swirls of pubic hair that trail from his navel downward. His chest shudders hard as her breath displaces the hair and her hands find the soft insides of his thighs to push them apart for her to settle between. His cock twitches with interest, just gone fully hard against his stomach. She brushes her lips along the shaft, lips parted in a curious smile. Her hand reaches back to the bench off the foot of the bed. Shawn’s eyes snap shut at the sound of the bottle of lube opening and shutting.
Penny’s lips are followed by just the tip of her tongue. Her tracing is gentle, intimate like the touch of a finger along the throbbing vein, then to the sensitive head of his cock. Her fingers warm the lube between them with audible wet strokes that make Shawn’s brows pull together in anticipation.
Her lips join her tongue again at the base of his cock. Her fingertips press gently against his perineum. His inhale sizzles through his nose loudly. She rubs little circles, firming up in pressure as her mouth moves in a wet pattern up to the head of his cock. It slips between her lips. Shawn’s fingers sink into the squish of his duvet.
“Fuck,” he breathes in disbelief, lifting his knees to plant his feet before she can ask him to.
She works her tongue in swirls around the head of his cock as her fingers draw the same motion around his hole. Just as she slurps at his tip, she sinks a finger in to the first knuckle.
Shawn sighs comfortably, less tense now than he was when they first began exploring this together. She slips it in and out a few times before burying it further. His head tips back and draws out a moan that’s as honest and selfless as she’s ever heard him. It urges her on.
As Penny curls her finger, stroking upward, Shawn loses himself further. He turns his cheek against the pillow, nuzzling as he presses his ass into the bed. His dark eyes fixate on her, on the way she watches him when she slides a second lubed finger inside him, moving so preciously slowly, treating him with so much care it sucks the breath out of his lungs into more breathy moans. She alternates attending to the head of his cock with her wet mouth and pressing kisses to his shaft, keeping the main focus on the talent of her perfect little fingers. She scissors them apart slightly, stretching him to get ready for the toy, grinning at the way his toes curl.
“Penny, baby, feels so good,” he grunts, shaking his head in disbelief. She hums her agreement. She has her own fondness for this, feeling the tight, welcoming warmth with him, feeling the trust grow ever stronger as he puts more of himself in her care with each breath.
Penny licks a drop of precome from his tip and watches her free hand spread to trail up his chest and rest over his heart. It’s thrumming hard, not too hard, not enough to make her back off for fear of ending it early. She wants to take this time nice and slow for him now that he knows how much he likes it and asked her for it. She focuses the press of her thumb into his perineum while her fingers flex and curl.
“Fucking… yeah, Penny, Jesus,” he pants slightly, fisting the sheets on either side of him. She can feel and see the sheen of sweet sweat on his chest and abdomen. He’s almost ready.
“Baby,” she breathes, her voice hoarse from disuse and the weight of her own arousal, “You want my cock?”
He’s not so bashful this time as the first time she asked. He nods first, closing his eyes to find his voice.
“Baby, Penny, please. Fuck me.”
Her toes curl in anticipation. She rolls her hips needily into the bed. Shawn watches with a growling moan. His body protests the careful removal of her fingers and she knows he wants his hands on his aching cock but one look from her reminds him she hasn’t given him permission. Instead he squirms against the bed watching her lift the strap on harness out of the pouch and step into it. Her wetness makes a sound as she separates her legs. She bites her lip at his eager gasp.
“Nice and wet, Pen? Gon-gonna come when you fuck me?”
She tightens the harness around her hips and thighs and considers him through heavy lidded eyes. She flips her feathery dark hair out of her face and cups her fist around the base of the dark green silicone toy.
“Would you like that? Wanna feel me come with you?” Her breath breaks off at the end. Shawn lifts his head and nods again, more fervently.
“Baby, I always want to feel you come. I need to make you come. Please.”
Penny feels his urgency and steps to the end of the bed, reaching for the bottle again. She slicks the toy down with a generous handful of lube. Shawn pokes the tip of his tongue out of the corner of his mouth as he watches, knees still bent, legs still spread.
As she lifts a knee onto the end of the mattress, Shawn comes up on his elbows and readies to turn over. She reaches out and grabs his leg to stop him. The first time she took him like this, he was on his knees with her behind him. He’s surprised when she has him lift his hips to settle a pillow beneath them and angle him up toward her. She pulls his thick thighs over hers and nudges him with the head of the slick toy. He exhales slowly, nodding.
Penny goes perfectly slow for him, watching the flutter of his lashes as he adjusts to the fit of it inside him. She sinks gently until she’s buried, her hips snug against his thighs. Shawn focuses on his breathing and the way the ends of her hair tickle his chest as she leans forward.
Penny eases her hips through a circular motion that has the toy grinding into him a little harder. His eyes fall shut. He whines, high and sweet.
“Yeah, baby?” she coos.
“So good,” Shawn sighs, opening his eyes again when he feels her thumbs rubbing similar circles into the insides of his thighs. He’s noticed she has a thing for matching patterns in the way she touches him to heighten sensation. He offers her a lazy, fucked-out grin as she continues the slow sway of her hips.
“Have you ever tried this?” he whispers, nodding at her.
Penny bites at her lower lip like she’s not sure. The coyness is a reflex. She shakes it off.
“Yeah. I like it, too. With the right partner.”
Shawn smiles. His thighs tremble. Her hips have picked up their easy pace. She grips him a little harder as she rocks into a pulsing motion that has her sliding in and out a bit more obviously.
Shawn groans. “Holy… shit.”
He’s wordier when she’s inside him than he usually is. She likes that, makes it feel like he’s even more free than usual, like his thoughts come out through his mouth rather than the alternative of getting stuck to rattle in his brain.
Penny eases forward onto one hand by his head. Her breasts hang, her nipples grazing his chest as she strokes in and out more purposefully. Shawn’s eyes fall shut and his head lolls back. His mouth drops open in a low cry of pleasure.
“Shit… f-fuck,” he sobs, feeling the welcome heat of this with her singe him all over. He grips the sheets harder.
“Can touch me if you want,” she pants, her breath broken up by the strain of her thrusts and the way they bump right up against her swollen clit in the way she likes.
Shawn’s fingers are flushing red as the blood seeps back in. He lifts one to cup her shoulder blade and the other around the back of her head. The motion focuses her eyes down on his, up from where she’s pressing into him.
His eyes are heavily glazed and his lips are parted and wet. Before she thinks about it too hard, she dips down to lavish them with kisses. The change of angle has Shawn nearly purring into her mouth, his legs spreading wider to welcome her closer.
“Baby, oh my god,” he hisses, his curls shivering against his forehead as she mouths at the edge of his jaw.
“Like it like this?” she croaks, fucking in and out of him a little faster, “No one’s ever made you feel this fucking good.”
It’s not edged with the cocky lilt her words take on when she’s giving it to him good in bed. There’s a note of desperation. The need to praise and validate her roars up in Shawn’s chest so strong he gasps a breath to speak.
“No one,” he agrees in a rough sigh, “Fucking-- oh. No--nobody, baby, you’re the only one. Penny, you’re the only one.”
With a satisfied moan, Penny reaches between them and wraps her fingers around the head of his cock. Her hips swing harder, wringing a pretty gasping cry from him with each one. She pulses her fingers around him in time, ready to feel him come apart at the seams.
Shawn feels her lips brushing his. He blinks lazily, almost too far gone to speak, but the look in her eyes makes him whisper, “Come with me. Please.”
Penny’s responding breathy whimper sends him right over the edge. He stifles a scream as his entire body goes beautifully tight and he releases between their stomachs and into her small, wet fist. She breathes through it, right up against his lips like they should be kissing but breathing each other in is enough. Suddenly, with an erratic flick of her hips that has Shawn holding her a little tighter, Penny whines his name and it’s the best fucking thing he’s ever heard. She rows up against him again and again, riding through the orgasm he’d give her a thousand more times if she asked until she’s spent and collapsed against his chest, the toy still inside him.
Shawn lifts his heavy arms around her, smiling like a dope into her hair. He smoothes her hair down her back. It falls so far it brushes her cute round ass, so he massages that, too.
Penny peels up enough to look at him. She smiles and bumps her nose up against his lips.
“Wow,” she chuckles.
“Uh huh,” he grunts back, the same amusement in his voice. He cradles her between his legs, propping his chin up on the top of her head.
Penny starts easing her hips back to Shawn’s little noises of protest. She sheds the harness and grabs a wet washcloth to clean them both off. She tosses it in the hamper and crawls up beside him, still bathed in warm morning light, his arm open to the side to welcome her. She’s just settled up against him when she hears something.
“Hey now, hey nooooow! This is what dreeeeeeams are made of!”
Penny’s head shoots up. She always, always turns her personal phone ringer off when she’s on dates. She somehow forgot. Her head jerks as she looks to Shawn, who’s still wearing a look of dreamy calm.
“Nice ringtone.”
“Sorry, fuck-- I usually turn it off. It’s… that’s my brother’s ringtone.”
Shawn tilts his head curiously. “Answer it if you want. Does he know about me?”
The question is so shocking Penny forgets to think before she answers with a short nod.
“I mean… yeah. It’s-- I tell him everything. I mean not, everything everything. Obviously. But… he would die before telling anyone. I promise.”
Shawn’s face shifts at the look on Penny’s. He’s never seen her look so wide-eyed and sheepish. He strokes a hand comfortingly up her arm.
“Hey, it’s fine. I get it. Answer it, I really don’t mind.”
Penny hesitates a moment longer, then launches off Shawn’s chest to get to her purse. With impressive flexibility, she reaches off the end of the bed and hits the answer button before the ringer ends.
“Hey,” she pants.
“You know what absolutely blows?” Peter barks. He’s so loud Penny is sure Shawn can hear every word but he looks out the window politely.
“What?”
“Data structures and functional programming!” Peter wails. A clunk in the background sounds like a textbook falling shut.
“Don’t tell me you got a B+ on a test again,” Penny jabs, eyeing Shawn with a mischievous smile. His nose twitches over a shy grin now that he realizes he’s allowed to listen.
“No, god no, don’t joke about that,” Peter hisses, “Hot TA finally, FINALLY asked me out.”
Penny’s eyes pop. “What? That’s great! He’s so cute!”
“So, so cute,” Peter agrees in a strained voice, “But my data structures professor moved our test up because he got asked to speak at some conference in Bern. The summer semester break is about to start and hot TA is starting an internship in Hong Kong until September!”
Shawn’s eyebrows raise curiously. Penny bites her lip over a smile, her cheeks catching pink at this odd collision of her personal and professional lives.
“Peter, fuck the test. You have an A. Even if you fail it, you won’t fail the class.”
Shawn chuckles, sitting upright to listen closer.
“But--” Peter begins.
“No,” Penny interrupts sternly, “Don’t do the thing. Don’t use me as a way to argue with yourself. You’re in college, Pete. There’s plenty of time to take over the world with your impressive brain later. Go get laid, for the love of god.”
Shawn laughs, loud and delighted. Penny giggles.
There’s a pause. Peter says, “Who is that? Silver?”
Penny wets her lips and lowers her gaze to Shawn’s legs. “No.”
Another pause. “Oh my god, are you on a date?”
Penny chews the inside of her lip. Her silence is enough confirmation.
“Oh my god,” Peter cries, scandalized. There’s another crash -- this time it sounds like a computer chair smacking into a wooden desk, “You answered your personal cell on a date?”
Shawn looks even more intrigued. He leans further forward and bites his lip. Penny reaches out and plucks at a curl on his forehead.
“Shawn doesn’t mind.”
Peter’s overdramatics reach new heights with his squealing cry in reaction. Shawn laughs again, going pink from the chest. Penny crawls into his lap, feeling mysteriously smug -- perhaps at the disproving of her longtime theory that if ever her two worlds should meet, chaos would immediately follow. Shawn gathers her up on his lap and brushes his nose against her collarbone, sweeping his lips against her neck.
“Are you seriously post-coital with Shawn Peter Raul Mendes and taking a phone call from meeee?” His voice has gone all squeaky so the final drawn out vowel makes her cringe.
“Why do you know his full name?” she laughs. Shawn snorts a chuckle and it vibrates her throat. She hums comfortably.
“My god, my god, get off the phone. Bitch, I will hang up on you. Go get that mans. Get that good Canadian rock star dick, what the fuck.”
Shawn laughs harder and he’s close enough to the phone that Peter cries out at the sound.
“Shawn, for the love of all that’s unholy, do something to get her off the phone.”
Shawn lifts his head and considers the challenge. Penny is breathless, watching him lie back, taking her with him. He lifts her, scooting her up his chest until she’s perched over his head, her knees bracketing the pillow, phone still pressed to her ear.
“Hey, you’re still coming for that CalTech thing, right? I see you in a few weeks?” she breathes, gazing warmly down at Shawn as he tongues at the inside of her wet inner thigh. She sinks a hand into his curls to steer him. He goes willingly.
“Yeah, yeah in like a month,” Peter answers distractedly, “I put the flight on your Amex.”
Penny’s eyes fall shut when Shawn swipes his tongue up through her folds, flicking at her clit.
“Good boy,” Penny hums with a nod.
“Are you talking to him or me?!” Peter shrieks.
Penny grunts, glancing down at Shawn who locks his arms around her thighs and bears down. With a shaky inhale, she sighs.
“I don’t know anymore. Bye, Pete.”
She holds the phone away from her ear to hang up. She can hear more screaming as she hits the end call button.
+
Oh my GAWD! Shawn Mendes and Bex Get Hot and Heavy in Miami BETCH! -- Perez Hilton
Shawn Mendes and Bex Spotted Getting Steamy on Miami Beach -- People Magazine
Hottest Couple of the Summer! Shawn Mendes and Bex Making Waves In Miami! -- JustJared
+
Penny lifts her chin and controls her stride as she steps into the chilly hotel room at The Beverly Hills Hotel. With a nod back at Gus, the door shuts behind her.
He’s tall. Extraordinarily tall. He’s probably at least 6’5”. He’s a Nordic god with crisp blue eyes and a swath of blonde hair that falls shaggy but controlled around his shoulders. His body is lean and smooth, well trained but hard and a little unwelcoming somehow. Penny’s lips curl into a smile.
“Miss Penny,” he breathes in lightly accented English, “You’re a vision.”
Penny’s upper lip puckers. She tucks some falling curls behind her ear and steps closer, dwarfed but unintimidated by her new client.
“Mr. Larsen. You’re every bit as handsome as you appear in Forbes.”
He’s flattered by her easy softball of a compliment. She can tell by the way he preens for it that he believes her words. She looks down at the glass of gin in his fist. She looks back up at him and smiles again, walking around him to prepare her own.
“I was very eager to receive your recommendation from a colleague,” he says, easing around the chaise to stand behind her. He’s not hovering, exactly, or at least not close enough to make her uncomfortable. She’s aware of the shimmery body oil she rubbed on the bare skin of her back, accented by her low cut cocktail dress.
Aston Martin guy referred him, Silver told her. She knows the type. Elegant and refined. Not terribly interested in small talk before clothes come off. Gets called ‘daddy’ by the girls he brings home from bars and events but needs a strong woman to hold him down and ride him hard to feel balanced.
It’s easy. No challenge. No problem to solve. Penny sighs. It escapes his notice.
She turns while dropping a wedge of lime into her sweating glass. Her eyes rake him from head to toe. He takes it as an invitation to step closer.
“Good word of mouth is crucial to my business model,” she agrees coolly, taking a sip. It’s not as strong as she’d like.
His smile is vaguely unpleasant. He’s the kind of guy she’d tell the La Splendeur girls to avoid when out in the wild. He steps closer.
“I’ve heard very good words about your mouth.”
Penny’s low exhale takes the place of the eyeroll she’d give if she weren’t being paid so handsomely. She can’t blame his native tongue for the too-smooth, cheesy pun. This guy was probably Oxford or Cambridge educated. He speaks better English than she does. He’s just fucking boring.
Penny drops a finger into her drink, curling it slightly, watching his eyes follow the motion. Too easy.
She brings it to her lips and sips the gin off her finger. She doesn’t even like gin. He licks his chops like she’s a meal.
She puts her glass down.
“Get on your knees, Mr. Larsen.”
+
Whiplash.
It’s the only word for the feeling he’s had for days on agonizing days.
Penny crawled out of his bed and left her scent behind in his sheets after a few more traded orgasms and more shared kisses than usual. In a sexed out daze, Shawn heads into the lion’s den. He’s never seen so many paps outside The Nice Guy. The cold snapping of their shutters knocks him back into reality. The high he rides after a few hours with Penny is cut criminally short.
He cradles Bex close under his arm. He wets his lips and leans in when she whispers in his ear. He smiles, makes it melt like butter, and brushes his lips over hers. It’s stomach-turningly tender.
There’s more obvious canoodling outside the bar. Even with his eyes shut and her sucking on his lower lip in an objectively satisfying way, the flashes have him on edge.
He returns home to a bed that smells like something that feels imagined. It’s somehow even less real to him than the carefully orchestrated farce he’s been living.
Because it can’t be real. There’s no trace of her besides the sunny breath of perfume in his pillows that makes him choke up inexplicably when he buries his face in it before sleep mercifully knocks him out.
He can’t see her. He has trouble picturing her pretty face despite all the time he’s spent staring at it. He claws at it -- freckles. Tiny forehead scar. Slender ankles. Weirdly pointy but still cute knees. The laugh. He can’t remember the real laugh, the one that fizzes like expensive champagne, the kind he only drinks with her. He can’t hear it.
Even if he could manage to cling to all these pretty things, it can’t be real. What’s in the headlines is real. The album sales, the festival numbers, the hashtag stats -- those are real. As fake as it all is, it’s real. It’s more real than the nothing he has with a woman he pays to sit on his face.
His career is real. His album is real. His family, his life is real.
The rest of it is distraction.
-----------
If you’d like to buy me a Ko-fi and support my writing, the link is in my bio!
Taglist: @smallerinfinities @the-claire-bitch-project @achinglyshawn @infiniteshawn @mendesoft @singanddreamanyway @alone-in-madness @abigfatmess @shawnitsmutual @awkwardfangirl2014 @september-lace @grittyisaho @sinplisticshawn @rollingxstone @yslsaint @randi-eve @fallmoreinlove @heyits-claire @itrocksmysocks @parkerspicedlatte @simpledomain @abeautiful-and-cloudy-day @thecurlsofgod @magcon7280 @bensbuttercup @shawnsmusical @paigeasourous @tell-me-when-ur-ready @softmendesss @searchingunderthestars @buggy-blogs @tnhmblive @greedydevil @tamegray @meltingicequeen @havethetimeeofyourlifee @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @t-i-n-y-d-i-n-o @hannahlouiseee @sarahlauramendes @shawnsmoose @mendezlatte @1dbetch @graysonmendes @shawnsababe @ineffsi @ultradreamologistblog @bluerose711 @sauveteen
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20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything
We know them, we love (most of) them: the impossible-to-buy-for people in your life. Whether its the husband who has everything, or the BFF who just doesnt want a lot of clutter around, they can make gift buying feel like a search for the holy grail.
That’s why we scoured Amazon to find fifteen of the most amazingproducts notebooks that erase themselves in the microwave, to magical pens that let you draw in three dimensions that are sure to surprise, and probably please, those hard-to-buy-for friends.
We hope you love at least one of these odd and awesome products. Just an FYI: 22Words may get a share of any sale through links on this page.
1
These Glasses That Aerate Wine On Contact So You Can Drink ASAP
via: Amazon
Wine lovers and design aficionados alike are singing the praises of these innovative wine glasses throughout their Amazon reviews. The built-in aerator lets you ditch the decanter and oxygenate your wine on contact so you can dig right into the delicious red nectar. Theyre not inexpensive, but for the type of people fancy enough to aerate their wine in the first place, its surely a paltry sum.
Snappy Amazon Review: Worth every penny. -Kimberly
2
This Beautiful Piece of Jewelry That’s A Fitness Tracker In Disguise
via: Amazon
FitBits are nice and all, but some days you dont want a big rubber band around your wrist screaming Im health conscious! to everyone you pass. Thats what makes the BellaBeat Leaf Nature Health Trackersuch a refreshing innovation. Beautiful and versatile, the BellaBeat can be worn as a necklace or bracelet, and tracks your daily steps, distance traveled and calories burned.
Snappy Amazon Review: The most low maintenance fitness tracker ever made and it’s gorgeous. -Elida Omerkic
3
This Tiny Gadget That Makes Your Car Smell Great
via: Amazon
Ditch the Febreze and get your FRiEQ on with the FRiEQ Car Air Purifier. The FRiEQ pumps three million negative ions per cubic centimeter into the air, which destroy odor causing particulates on contact, including mold, bacteria and viruses. Best of all, its powered by your cars 12V plug, so youll never run out of fresh air energy.
Snappy Amazon Review: My car certainly smells better. –Sammidee
4
These Tiny Bags of Charcoal That Drink In Odor
via: Amazon
Rescue your favorite footwear from inevitable shoe-smell with these all-natural, activated charcoal Footwear Deodorizers. And theyre not just for shoes the activated charcoal actively absorbs moisture in any situation, preventing pervasive odors and bacterial growth, so you can easily deodorize stinky refrigerators, closets and basements. They make no claims about stinky husbands, children, or coworkers however.
Snappy Amazon Review: Product works as Described, sucks all smell from shoes. -Kalpesh
…AND GETS ALL UP IN YOUR FACEBOOK
More posts in #Bizarre
People Are TICKED United Banned Two Girls From Their Flight For What They Were Wearing
14 Times Leggings Made You Question Everything You Know About Fashion
20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything
16 Popular Foreign Superstitions That Make Absolutely No Sense
22 Photos That Are Guaranteed To Make You Feel a Little Awkward and Uncomfortable
5
This Miracle Broom That Cleans Floors, Walls, Windows and More
via: Amazon
Perfect for your neat-freak friends, the Evriholder FURemover Broom’swide head of 100% natural rubber bristles to grab and trap dirt, dust, lint and pet hair with ease its even got a telescoping handle for reaching the cobwebbiest of corners. Right now its one of the most popular brooms on Amazon, and with well over 2,000 positive reviews, its not hard to see why.
Snappy Amazon Review: This thing just plain works. -Nick V.
6
This Portable Charcoal Grill That Somehow Runs on Batteries
via: Amazon
If youre not into grilling, you may not be as impressed as I am by the truly innovative Gourmia Grill. It combines the inimitable flavor of a charcoal grill with the ease of non-stick surfaces and battery-powered portability. Perfect for grilling on the patio and small enough to pack for the next tailgate, the Gourmia Grills turbo fan provides precise air control to perfectly grill dogs, burgers, steaks and more, while conserving your charcoal consumption. And that just makes sense. Dollars, and cents.
Snappy Amazon Review: Gave as gift got a hamburger and hot dog in return. -Amazon Customer
7
This Indoor Garden That Grows Herbs Even I Can’t Kill
via: Amazon
I have a few talents in life. Horticulture is not one of them. Hence my immediate attraction to the Click & Grow Indoor Smart Herb Garden. The manufacturer boasts that growing herbs is as easy as inserting the plant capsules, filling the water tank (possible sticking point), and plugging the unit in. After that, let the automatic hydration system, low-energy LED grow light and the miracle of Mother Nature work their collective magic, and watch as the herbs of your choice spring to life. Delicious, fragrant life.
Snappy Amazon Review: I would have given 5 stars if it had come with something other than just basil. That’s the only thing I’d change. -Meghan
8
This Ring Of Power That Renders Your Smartphone Undroppable
via: Amazon
Since I got one, theiRinghas saved my iPhone from countless potentially devastating smartphone injuries. The iRing attaches via ultra-strong adhesive to the back of your smartphone, giving you a solid, swiveling ring through which to thread a finger of your choice, or with which to prop up your phone for some bedside Netflixin. Oh, and dont forget the included plastic hook, onto which the iRing settles nicely for use in the car.
Snappy Amazon Review: I’m a klutz so I drop stuff all the time, and this really helps. -Lunatique
More posts in #Bizarre
People Are TICKED United Banned Two Girls From Their Flight For What They Were Wearing
14 Times Leggings Made You Question Everything You Know About Fashion
20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything
16 Popular Foreign Superstitions That Make Absolutely No Sense
22 Photos That Are Guaranteed To Make You Feel a Little Awkward and Uncomfortable
9
This Waffle Iron That’s Shaped Like a Keyboard
via: Amazon
I dont think an explanation is needed here. It’s a Keyboard Waffle Iron. Pass the syrup.
Snappy Amazon Review: Yesterday I did nothing because my keyboard was a waffle the whole time. -Leedlej
10
This Bottle Opener That Also Holds Your Child’s Fine Art
via: Amazon
There are few things more irritating than trying to track down a bottle opener when youre hankering for a cold one. Thats why no one will complain when you gift them this impossible-to-lose Master Magnetics Bottle Opener. Strong magnets keep it adhered to the beer cooler (aka, refrigerator), where it can amass an ever-growing collection of child artwork, or a collection of bottle caps so large it might force you to reevaluate your life choices.
Snappy Amazon Review: The magnets are really strong. -Edward
11
These Magical Drops That Change The Way You Taste Food
via: Amazon
MBerry Drops contain extracts from the so-called miracle fruit a mysterious berry that causes some pretty serious shifts in your taste perception. Dissolve one of these ten tablets on your tongue, and everything changes. Lemons taste like lemonade. Vinegar tastes like apple juice. Cheese tastes like frosting. You suddenly achieve the body of your dreams. Okay, were lying about that last part, but we swear these drops are the real, and somewhat freaky, deal.
Snappy Amazon Review: Yes they work. -Heart Dad
12
This Notebook That Erases Itself In The Microwave
via: Amazon
While the surveillance utility of microwave ovens has been debunked, the ability of microwaves to completely clear the Rocketbook Wave Smart Notebook of your top-secret doodles or late-night confessions is fully bunked. Seriously, this notebook erases itself in the microwave. And it even comes with a Rocketbook app which scans your work in hi-def before obliteration.
Snappy Amazon Review: I love this notebook. -ecaminos
More posts in #Bizarre
People Are TICKED United Banned Two Girls From Their Flight For What They Were Wearing
14 Times Leggings Made You Question Everything You Know About Fashion
20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything
16 Popular Foreign Superstitions That Make Absolutely No Sense
22 Photos That Are Guaranteed To Make You Feel a Little Awkward and Uncomfortable
13
This All Natural Deodorant That’s Worth Buying For The Name Alone
via: Amazon
Say it three times fast: Primal Pit Paste Deodorant. PPPD is an all-natural solution to body odor, featuring a 100% aluminum-free mixture of shea butter, arrowroot powder and baking soda for an odor fighting and soothing solution. But lets be honest, youre just buying this to give your friend something called Primal Pit Paste.
Snappy Amazon Review: 4 months later I am still using nothing but Primal Pit Paste! -Jen
14
This Pen That Lets You Sculpt Your Own New Reality Where You Made Better Choices
via: Amazon
For those of us that struggle to draw even the simplest of 3d figures, the 3Doodler Create 3D Pen is a mind-blowing game changer, allowing even the most challenged of artists to realize their visions in 3D plastic reality. Like normal 3D printers, the 3Doodler extrudes melted plastic, which dries almost instantly as you bring your vision to life whether that be a scale model of the Eiffel Tower, or a drooping mess of an attempt at a human head. Theres certainly a learning curve with the 3Doodler, but the potential for awesomeness cant be denied.
Snappy Amazon Review: My son loves this! -Dawn
15
These Platypi That Infuse Your Tea With Too Much Adorability
via: Amazon
To be fair, theres a veritable menagerie of adorable animal-shaped tea infusers on Amazon. Seriously. Manatees, sloths, baby dinosaurs. But when it comes to a combination of cute and unique, nothing rivals a platypus. Especially platypus tea infusers. Especially when theyre called Mr. & Mrs. PlaTEApus. Come on. Just take my money already. These silicone platypi prop themselves on the edge of your tea cup and slowly infuse your favorite loose-leaf tea through tiny holes in their adorable bellies. And they come in their own gift box. I cant take it.
Snappy Amazon Review: So cute! Easy to fill and clean. So adorable! -Amazon Customer
16
This Small Plastic Stone That Fills The Room With Aromatic Humidity
via: Amazon
This small but mighty Deneve Essential Oil Diffuser and Humidifier can fill a space of up to 250 square feet with delightfully scented mist, while also putting on an ever-changing light show. Its the easy way to throw the most soothing of at-home raves.
Snappy Amazon Review: It is great. It is important to wipe it out between uses. -Torsten
More posts in #Bizarre
People Are TICKED United Banned Two Girls From Their Flight For What They Were Wearing
14 Times Leggings Made You Question Everything You Know About Fashion
20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything
16 Popular Foreign Superstitions That Make Absolutely No Sense
22 Photos That Are Guaranteed To Make You Feel a Little Awkward and Uncomfortable
17
This Showerhead and Speaker That Will Change The Way You Bathe
via: Amazon
Your bathroom karaoke game just got way more serious. Kohlers MoxieShowerhead and Wireless Speaker combines a sixty-nozzle shower head with a removable, rechargeable bluetooth speaker, allowing you to stream all of your top tunes while you steam your way to relaxation. And when the speakers lithium ion battery runs low, just pop it from its magnetic hold in the shower head and plug it into the included USB cable for a quick charge. You’ll be up and showering-singing again in no time.
Snappy Amazon Review: The only thing better than a shower beer is having a shower beer while safely gyrating to jams in the shower. -Jonathon
18
The Toilet Stool That’ll Change The Way You…Go
via: Amazon
Okay, so since it exploded on Shark Tank, the Squatty Potty hasnt exactly been an unknown quantity. But that doesnt make it any less bizarre (or useful!) of a gift. The manufacturer recommends that beginning squatters start with the 7-inch Squatty, though those limber of leg and/or well-practiced in the art of squatting can venture up to the 9-inch SP. With sales in the millions and celebrities like Howard Stern touting the effectiveness of the simple bathroom stool, its safe to say the Squatty Potty isnt a passing phase its a movement.
Snappy Amazon Review: Oh Squatty Potty, You fill me with endless joy, Yet leave me empty. -Wm.
19
The Clear Film That Turns Any Surface Into a Dry Erase Board
via: Amazon
Synergy. Leverage. Ideation. These corporate buzzwords arent just limited to conference rooms anymore. With the Think Premium Board Medium, you can have the power of the white board anywhere you please! But seriously, this 2-foot by 3-foot clear sheet adheres to almost any surface, so you can doodle, plan, outline and scheme to your hearts dry-erase delight.
Snappy Amazon Review: OMG, I absolutely love this. Just like you, i’ve been looking for a white board for productivity, goals, action steps, you name it! -Georgetowns Marketplace
20
These Magical Tooth Wipes That Hide The Fact That You’ve Been Day Drinking
via: Amazon
No longer must you choose between red wine and a white smile. These Wine Wipes pack just enough hydrogen peroxide to wipe stains away from your pearly whites, without interfering with the delicious flavor.
Snappy Amazon Review: This stuff works perfectly. -b-ran
More posts in #Bizarre
People Are TICKED United Banned Two Girls From Their Flight For What They Were Wearing
14 Times Leggings Made You Question Everything You Know About Fashion
20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything
16 Popular Foreign Superstitions That Make Absolutely No Sense
22 Photos That Are Guaranteed To Make You Feel a Little Awkward and Uncomfortable
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20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything
We know them, we love (most of) them: the impossible-to-buy-for people in your life. Whether its the husband who has everything, or the BFF who just doesnt want a lot of clutter around, they can make gift buying feel like a search for the holy grail.
That’s why we scoured Amazon to find fifteen of the most amazingproducts notebooks that erase themselves in the microwave, to magical pens that let you draw in three dimensions that are sure to surprise, and probably please, those hard-to-buy-for friends.
We hope you love at least one of these odd and awesome products. Just an FYI: 22Words may get a share of any sale through links on this page.
1
These Glasses That Aerate Wine On Contact So You Can Drink ASAP
via: Amazon
Wine lovers and design aficionados alike are singing the praises of these innovative wine glasses throughout their Amazon reviews. The built-in aerator lets you ditch the decanter and oxygenate your wine on contact so you can dig right into the delicious red nectar. Theyre not inexpensive, but for the type of people fancy enough to aerate their wine in the first place, its surely a paltry sum.
Snappy Amazon Review: Worth every penny. -Kimberly
2
This Beautiful Piece of Jewelry That’s A Fitness Tracker In Disguise
via: Amazon
FitBits are nice and all, but some days you dont want a big rubber band around your wrist screaming Im health conscious! to everyone you pass. Thats what makes the BellaBeat Leaf Nature Health Trackersuch a refreshing innovation. Beautiful and versatile, the BellaBeat can be worn as a necklace or bracelet, and tracks your daily steps, distance traveled and calories burned.
Snappy Amazon Review: The most low maintenance fitness tracker ever made and it’s gorgeous. -Elida Omerkic
3
This Tiny Gadget That Makes Your Car Smell Great
via: Amazon
Ditch the Febreze and get your FRiEQ on with the FRiEQ Car Air Purifier. The FRiEQ pumps three million negative ions per cubic centimeter into the air, which destroy odor causing particulates on contact, including mold, bacteria and viruses. Best of all, its powered by your cars 12V plug, so youll never run out of fresh air energy.
Snappy Amazon Review: My car certainly smells better. –Sammidee
4
These Tiny Bags of Charcoal That Drink In Odor
via: Amazon
Rescue your favorite footwear from inevitable shoe-smell with these all-natural, activated charcoal Footwear Deodorizers. And theyre not just for shoes the activated charcoal actively absorbs moisture in any situation, preventing pervasive odors and bacterial growth, so you can easily deodorize stinky refrigerators, closets and basements. They make no claims about stinky husbands, children, or coworkers however.
Snappy Amazon Review: Product works as Described, sucks all smell from shoes. -Kalpesh
…AND GETS ALL UP IN YOUR FACEBOOK
More posts in #Bizarre
People Are TICKED United Banned Two Girls From Their Flight For What They Were Wearing
14 Times Leggings Made You Question Everything You Know About Fashion
20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything
16 Popular Foreign Superstitions That Make Absolutely No Sense
22 Photos That Are Guaranteed To Make You Feel a Little Awkward and Uncomfortable
5
This Miracle Broom That Cleans Floors, Walls, Windows and More
via: Amazon
Perfect for your neat-freak friends, the Evriholder FURemover Broom’swide head of 100% natural rubber bristles to grab and trap dirt, dust, lint and pet hair with ease its even got a telescoping handle for reaching the cobwebbiest of corners. Right now its one of the most popular brooms on Amazon, and with well over 2,000 positive reviews, its not hard to see why.
Snappy Amazon Review: This thing just plain works. -Nick V.
6
This Portable Charcoal Grill That Somehow Runs on Batteries
via: Amazon
If youre not into grilling, you may not be as impressed as I am by the truly innovative Gourmia Grill. It combines the inimitable flavor of a charcoal grill with the ease of non-stick surfaces and battery-powered portability. Perfect for grilling on the patio and small enough to pack for the next tailgate, the Gourmia Grills turbo fan provides precise air control to perfectly grill dogs, burgers, steaks and more, while conserving your charcoal consumption. And that just makes sense. Dollars, and cents.
Snappy Amazon Review: Gave as gift got a hamburger and hot dog in return. -Amazon Customer
7
This Indoor Garden That Grows Herbs Even I Can’t Kill
via: Amazon
I have a few talents in life. Horticulture is not one of them. Hence my immediate attraction to the Click & Grow Indoor Smart Herb Garden. The manufacturer boasts that growing herbs is as easy as inserting the plant capsules, filling the water tank (possible sticking point), and plugging the unit in. After that, let the automatic hydration system, low-energy LED grow light and the miracle of Mother Nature work their collective magic, and watch as the herbs of your choice spring to life. Delicious, fragrant life.
Snappy Amazon Review: I would have given 5 stars if it had come with something other than just basil. That’s the only thing I’d change. -Meghan
8
This Ring Of Power That Renders Your Smartphone Undroppable
via: Amazon
Since I got one, theiRinghas saved my iPhone from countless potentially devastating smartphone injuries. The iRing attaches via ultra-strong adhesive to the back of your smartphone, giving you a solid, swiveling ring through which to thread a finger of your choice, or with which to prop up your phone for some bedside Netflixin. Oh, and dont forget the included plastic hook, onto which the iRing settles nicely for use in the car.
Snappy Amazon Review: I’m a klutz so I drop stuff all the time, and this really helps. -Lunatique
More posts in #Bizarre
People Are TICKED United Banned Two Girls From Their Flight For What They Were Wearing
14 Times Leggings Made You Question Everything You Know About Fashion
20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything
16 Popular Foreign Superstitions That Make Absolutely No Sense
22 Photos That Are Guaranteed To Make You Feel a Little Awkward and Uncomfortable
9
This Waffle Iron That’s Shaped Like a Keyboard
via: Amazon
I dont think an explanation is needed here. It’s a Keyboard Waffle Iron. Pass the syrup.
Snappy Amazon Review: Yesterday I did nothing because my keyboard was a waffle the whole time. -Leedlej
10
This Bottle Opener That Also Holds Your Child’s Fine Art
via: Amazon
There are few things more irritating than trying to track down a bottle opener when youre hankering for a cold one. Thats why no one will complain when you gift them this impossible-to-lose Master Magnetics Bottle Opener. Strong magnets keep it adhered to the beer cooler (aka, refrigerator), where it can amass an ever-growing collection of child artwork, or a collection of bottle caps so large it might force you to reevaluate your life choices.
Snappy Amazon Review: The magnets are really strong. -Edward
11
These Magical Drops That Change The Way You Taste Food
via: Amazon
MBerry Drops contain extracts from the so-called miracle fruit a mysterious berry that causes some pretty serious shifts in your taste perception. Dissolve one of these ten tablets on your tongue, and everything changes. Lemons taste like lemonade. Vinegar tastes like apple juice. Cheese tastes like frosting. You suddenly achieve the body of your dreams. Okay, were lying about that last part, but we swear these drops are the real, and somewhat freaky, deal.
Snappy Amazon Review: Yes they work. -Heart Dad
12
This Notebook That Erases Itself In The Microwave
via: Amazon
While the surveillance utility of microwave ovens has been debunked, the ability of microwaves to completely clear the Rocketbook Wave Smart Notebook of your top-secret doodles or late-night confessions is fully bunked. Seriously, this notebook erases itself in the microwave. And it even comes with a Rocketbook app which scans your work in hi-def before obliteration.
Snappy Amazon Review: I love this notebook. -ecaminos
More posts in #Bizarre
People Are TICKED United Banned Two Girls From Their Flight For What They Were Wearing
14 Times Leggings Made You Question Everything You Know About Fashion
20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything
16 Popular Foreign Superstitions That Make Absolutely No Sense
22 Photos That Are Guaranteed To Make You Feel a Little Awkward and Uncomfortable
13
This All Natural Deodorant That’s Worth Buying For The Name Alone
via: Amazon
Say it three times fast: Primal Pit Paste Deodorant. PPPD is an all-natural solution to body odor, featuring a 100% aluminum-free mixture of shea butter, arrowroot powder and baking soda for an odor fighting and soothing solution. But lets be honest, youre just buying this to give your friend something called Primal Pit Paste.
Snappy Amazon Review: 4 months later I am still using nothing but Primal Pit Paste! -Jen
14
This Pen That Lets You Sculpt Your Own New Reality Where You Made Better Choices
via: Amazon
For those of us that struggle to draw even the simplest of 3d figures, the 3Doodler Create 3D Pen is a mind-blowing game changer, allowing even the most challenged of artists to realize their visions in 3D plastic reality. Like normal 3D printers, the 3Doodler extrudes melted plastic, which dries almost instantly as you bring your vision to life whether that be a scale model of the Eiffel Tower, or a drooping mess of an attempt at a human head. Theres certainly a learning curve with the 3Doodler, but the potential for awesomeness cant be denied.
Snappy Amazon Review: My son loves this! -Dawn
15
These Platypi That Infuse Your Tea With Too Much Adorability
via: Amazon
To be fair, theres a veritable menagerie of adorable animal-shaped tea infusers on Amazon. Seriously. Manatees, sloths, baby dinosaurs. But when it comes to a combination of cute and unique, nothing rivals a platypus. Especially platypus tea infusers. Especially when theyre called Mr. & Mrs. PlaTEApus. Come on. Just take my money already. These silicone platypi prop themselves on the edge of your tea cup and slowly infuse your favorite loose-leaf tea through tiny holes in their adorable bellies. And they come in their own gift box. I cant take it.
Snappy Amazon Review: So cute! Easy to fill and clean. So adorable! -Amazon Customer
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This Small Plastic Stone That Fills The Room With Aromatic Humidity
via: Amazon
This small but mighty Deneve Essential Oil Diffuser and Humidifier can fill a space of up to 250 square feet with delightfully scented mist, while also putting on an ever-changing light show. Its the easy way to throw the most soothing of at-home raves.
Snappy Amazon Review: It is great. It is important to wipe it out between uses. -Torsten
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This Showerhead and Speaker That Will Change The Way You Bathe
via: Amazon
Your bathroom karaoke game just got way more serious. Kohlers MoxieShowerhead and Wireless Speaker combines a sixty-nozzle shower head with a removable, rechargeable bluetooth speaker, allowing you to stream all of your top tunes while you steam your way to relaxation. And when the speakers lithium ion battery runs low, just pop it from its magnetic hold in the shower head and plug it into the included USB cable for a quick charge. You’ll be up and showering-singing again in no time.
Snappy Amazon Review: The only thing better than a shower beer is having a shower beer while safely gyrating to jams in the shower. -Jonathon
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The Toilet Stool That’ll Change The Way You…Go
via: Amazon
Okay, so since it exploded on Shark Tank, the Squatty Potty hasnt exactly been an unknown quantity. But that doesnt make it any less bizarre (or useful!) of a gift. The manufacturer recommends that beginning squatters start with the 7-inch Squatty, though those limber of leg and/or well-practiced in the art of squatting can venture up to the 9-inch SP. With sales in the millions and celebrities like Howard Stern touting the effectiveness of the simple bathroom stool, its safe to say the Squatty Potty isnt a passing phase its a movement.
Snappy Amazon Review: Oh Squatty Potty, You fill me with endless joy, Yet leave me empty. -Wm.
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The Clear Film That Turns Any Surface Into a Dry Erase Board
via: Amazon
Synergy. Leverage. Ideation. These corporate buzzwords arent just limited to conference rooms anymore. With the Think Premium Board Medium, you can have the power of the white board anywhere you please! But seriously, this 2-foot by 3-foot clear sheet adheres to almost any surface, so you can doodle, plan, outline and scheme to your hearts dry-erase delight.
Snappy Amazon Review: OMG, I absolutely love this. Just like you, i’ve been looking for a white board for productivity, goals, action steps, you name it! -Georgetowns Marketplace
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These Magical Tooth Wipes That Hide The Fact That You’ve Been Day Drinking
via: Amazon
No longer must you choose between red wine and a white smile. These Wine Wipes pack just enough hydrogen peroxide to wipe stains away from your pearly whites, without interfering with the delicious flavor.
Snappy Amazon Review: This stuff works perfectly. -b-ran
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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/20-weird-but-genius-products-on-amazon-for-people-who-have-everything/
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