#baezita

[saltcheesecombo]

what a tiring day, yet beautiful and full of happiness! Thank you for spend a day for very short trip! I'm happy!

and Happy birthday to new agun member!

[saltcheesecombo]

Dear Happy,

Do you know that I always feel safe and loved whenever I put my arms around you.

Do you know I always feel loved every time you agree to go out with me, as simple as to go jogging, eat, or you allow me going with Oru

Do you know I feel loved when you agree for my impulsive idea, jogging in Semarang, shopping at groceries, make a breakfast for me, make a cup of coffee, eat durian when everyone knows that you don't like it

Actually, there are many moments that I want to hug you, but somehow I hold it because I'm afraid you'll be bothered about it. But I admit there are moments when I suddenly hug you and a few seconds after I actually feel stupid and a bit scared that you'll feel bothered even if you never tell. I can feel it that you always feel bothered when I put my arms around you if there's another person we know surrounding us.

If I can being honest, I never put my arms so tight with a feeling to anyone before. So, you are really the first one. I would say that so many the first time happened in my life with you.

I wish I knew how do you feel about me, so I don't live in uncertainty. I won't force you to do anything, or to be anything.

Good night Baezita! Wish you had a good day! Wish you will have a good week ahead. Hope you will get a lot of food order, I wish your warung project brings a lot of berkah, I wish you still have a lot of energy to enjoy life. Aamiin

[saltcheesecombo]

yesterday was definitely not my day.

tired, lack of sleep, my jaw was sick and it was seriously annoying, and I had a stomachache.

and it's right that I just hated everything and everyone, anything was so irritating. I became soooo sensitive about every little thing. I hate my friend that does not allow me to go back home but he played online gambling instead, I hate my friend for being bossy around and forcing doing something, and even I hate Baezita for teasing me several times. And all those things are their common habit that actually I'm fine with since I live with it for whole my life.

My mistake was that I actually can just directly go home. Instead, I choose to meet my friends, turns out I became cranky, I became their burden, their party pooper. Ugh, I hate myself.

This guilty feeling won't go easily. I know myself, and again I hate that part of myself too. I don't know how to fix it. Should I fix it? Should I ask for forgiveness?

and somehow, this will be the last and main question

DO THEY HATE ME?

because even I hate myself