#bangtan with bubbles is my kryptonite

[thewhiskingpot]

for good, and for bad

💜 bangtan (bts)

💜 hoseok (bts) x reader

💜 oneshot

💜 hoseok finds you in the middle of a depressive episode

💜 depression; self-esteem issues; slice of life; hurt/comfort; lots of metaphors; angst with a happy ending

💜 a/n: many hugs to my beta for the invaluable input in polishing this piece. to my readers, don’t worry, the angst is really not that bad. lastly, the format is wonky on mobile so please read this on desktop if possible. 

You didn’t plan for it to happen this way. In fact, you didn’t plan this at all.

Hoseok was supposed to be away for a three-day dance camp, but there he was, real as can be, anxiously shaking you from the stupor that your episode had locked you in. The very same one that had you feeling spent from all that sobbing and gasping for air. Depression was a total bitch.

You never meant for him to catch you at your lowest. You made it a point to hide away whenever your episodes struck. It was easy even with the shared apartment, for Hoseok led a very busy social life. But somehow, you always seem to fuck up no matter how hard you try. You could never win.

As you watched Hoseok tenderly wipe your tear-stained blotchy cheeks and runny nose, something in you finally snapped. Even with you looking like a complete trainwreck, there was nothing but love and concern spilling out from him. Enough is enough. It was time to set the poor man free. He deserved so much more, and so much better than broken goods.

“Hobi, we need to break up,” you said, willing your voice to remain steady. “I’m breaking up with you.”

Hoseok stilled at once, his expression changing from concern to confusion to shock. “W-what?”

There was no way you were going to repeat that. Saying it twice would be akin to pouring salt on your gaping wound. You tried to shove him away, but Hoseok would not budge.

“What’s wrong? Why are you doing this?”

“We just got to. I’m your worst mistake, Hobi. You’ll come to your senses soon. You deserve better.”

“Don’t say that. You’re the best thing that happened to me, love.”

You scoffed. Best? Hoseok clearly hasn’t gotten his head around this whole thing. You were sitting in the bathtub with antidepressants spilled all over the bathroom floor, for Pete’s sake.

“Talk to me. Let me in. Please,” Hoseok pleaded, his sincerity bleeding through your fast crumbling wall.

You knew it would come to this. The moment Hoseok found you in this state, it was the end of it all. He’d ask, and you’d answer. You could never deny him of anything. He was your kryptonite.

“Fine. You want the truth? I feel fucked, 24/7. From bone to skin, mind to soul. There’s a howling storm within me that refuses to quieten down. It pulls me in every direction. It drowns me with relentless waves of hopelessness. It draws a dark veil over my sight. Everything is hazy around me. Despair is what they call it. This wretched feeling permeates every cell of my being, and I’m so tired of keeping up this front,” you spat out bitterly.

You didn’t have to look up to know Hoseok was crying. The man was an open book to you, his willingness to lay his soul bare for you always apparent, and you could sense his distress a mile away.

“You know, for the longest time before you, I was floating from one day to another. Life had no meaning other than to survive in flesh. To maintain the facade of a functional being. Everyday was a suffocating misery, but I’d become so desensitized that I grew to accept this was just how life was. And then, you happened.”

You smiled weakly, the fond memory of the first time you met Hoseok clear and vivid despite your troubled mind. He had chosen to crash his bike by swerving into a bush to avoid hitting you. The rest was history.

“You with your sunshine personality, you with your addictive warmth, you with your stupid million-dollar smile. For the first time in years, I felt hope. Being in your presence made me delusional, to think that I stood a chance to become whole again, to think that maybe, just maybe, a person shrouded in darkness like me could ever build a future with you. Thinking back now, I was simply turning my eyes away from the truth. The moon merely borrows light off the sun; it can never truly shine. Jimin once said we’re a perfect match, because opposites attract. But that can’t be right. We’re parallels in different directions, never meant to cross paths.”

You took a shaky breath. Now that you were on a roll, you found yourself unable to stop. It was liberating even, to finally confess it all. Breaking up with the love of your life sucked big time, but it had to be done. Hoseok deserved so much better.

“All you do is give, and all I do is take. I’m afraid, Hobi. Afraid that one day you’ll lose that glow, that I’ll inevitably drag you down to hell with me. I don’t want to wake up to find a zombie staring back at me. You deserve a whole person, not someone broken and jagged.”

You could see Hoseok struggling to digest and comprehend the bomb you just threw in his face. He was always easy to read.

Hoseok’s next few words came out as a faint whisper, but the harshness of his tone made you flinch in surprise. “How dare you? How fucking dare you?”

In the entirety of your relationship, Hoseok had never once swore at you. Caught off guard, you could only stare.

“You’re not me. You don’t get to decide what I want or don’t want,” Hoseok said, his voice raw and emotional. “You put me on a pedestal like I can do no wrong, but drag yourself through the mud. You don’t see how much you mean to me, how much joy and love and security you bring just by being mine. You’re so blinded to the fact that you’re priceless. I’m sad that you think so little of yourself. I’m ashamed it took me so long to realize you were in pain. I’m angry that you think so little of me.”

Hoseok reached out to cup your cheek, and you couldn’t help but lean into his touch. You were so fucking gone for him.

“Broken or not, you are perfect to me. I want you, and only you. Do you understand?”

Tears instantly sprang to your eyes. That was the most beautiful thing anyone had said to you. To want you, and only you. But that also made your point even more salient. Hoseok deserved better. So much better. You had to stand your ground. Not trusting yourself to speak just yet, you turned away from him in petulance.

Hoseok shook his head knowingly. “You can sulk all you want, but it doesn’t change the fact that your reason for wanting to break up is stupid. I’m not accepting that. I am, however, calling for a time-out. We’re both angry, and it’ll do us good to be away from each other.”

You lifted your head to meet his gaze, heart accelerating in anxiety despite yourself.

“Just for a bit, love. Like thirty minutes. I’ll be back soon,” Hoseok explained. “Promise me you’ll do nothing to harm yourself in the meantime?”

You weren’t even thinking about doing anything, to be honest. You just wanted to sit here and wallow in the sad prospect of your almost-breakup. But you were feeling rebellious, so you kept your mouth shut.

Unfortunately, Hoseok was not backing down. “Love, do you promise?”

You glared, but obediently nodded once.

Why can’t you ever say no to this man?

Oh right, because you were utterly in love with him.

Hoseok seemed to have knocked you right out of your funk. You weren’t sure how much time had lapsed since he left you sitting there, but you reckoned it was enough to warrant a search. The silence was telling. Hoseok must’ve left to god knows where. With a sigh, you picked yourself up. A quick check around the apartment confirmed your theory, and your worry increased tenfold. You wanted to give him space, to think about what just transpired, but you were pretty sure Hoseok left the house without an umbrella. Not that it would do much to combat the storm outside. But still. Better one than none.

With newfound determination, you grabbed an umbrella from the supply closet and ran out the door to chase him down. He shouldn’t have left. If anything, you were the one who should leave. Out of the apartment, out of his life. He deserved so much better. Caught up in your misery, you almost missed the blurry figure in your peripheral vision until you realized it was a familiar one. Doubling back, your jaw dropped in disbelief as you took in the sight before you.

Right there in the middle of the open field, Hoseok stood with his head thrown back as the rain pelted down hard. Even from a distance, he was visibly shivering in the cold. Flinching with every roar of the thunder. Muscles tensed in apprehension. But still, he persisted.

What in the name of all things unholy was he doing?

When your brain finally caught up, you found yourself already pulling Hoseok away by the wrist. All the way home, you simmered in your anger. Somewhere between the field and the apartment, Hoseok managed to interlock his fingers with yours, holding you tight in his grasp. You ignored that, though tears pricked your eyes.

After what seemed like forever, you finally barreled through the door with Hoseok in tow. Kicking it shut, you let your anger bubble over at last.

“Jung Hoseok, you could’ve died out there!” you yelled, yanking a towel and a set of clothes from the drying rack before stomping back to your very drenched boyfriend. Manhandling him out of his wet hoodie and jeans, you started to towel him dry, all while muttering curses at his stupidity.

Hoseok was compliant, but you could sense his attention was elsewhere. He kept his silence while you fussed over him, not even stealing a single glance in your direction.

Was he still mad? That didn’t seem like it. Hoseok rarely got angry with you, and even if the current situation called for it, you were confident you were already forgiven. Just like he was your soft spot, so were you to him.

No, it was more like he was brooding. Which made you eyed him warily. A brooding Hoseok was never a good sign.

After a prolonged pause, Hoseok spoke up. “At first, I was just mad, so I left. I needed to cool down.”

“And standing in the middle of a thunderstorm was your solution?” you injected in bewilderment, making him sit so you could drape the towel over his head to work on his hair.

Men and their ridiculous antics.

Ignoring your question, Hoseok continued. “Then I remembered you said there was a storm inside you. So I thought I’d give it a try. I mean, it’s not exactly the same, but that’s a pretty nasty storm out there.”

Rolling your eyes in exasperation, you took a deep breath and enunciated every word clearly. It was important that he understood this. “That. Was. A. Metaphor. Do you not understand the concept of metaphors? Were you not taught that? In all sixteen years of formal education?”

“I know what you’re trying to do. I’m not letting you act out the stupid noble K-drama trope. Not now, not ever. I’m here to stay for good, and for bad,” Hoseok cut off your mindless rant, challenge apparent in his eyes. “I won’t push you to open up any further if you don’t want to. But I’ll find my own ways to reach you, to understand your pain better. My methods might be stupid, but I’ll keep trying until I get it right. You can’t stop me from loving you.”

That was it.

Jung Hoseok was your undoing.

How could you even deny him anymore after that? Nothing could top it. You never realized the extent of his feelings for you ran this deep. For the longest time, one of your worst fears was that Hoseok would take off the second he found out about your depression. But he obliterated that fear tonight. I’m here to stay for good, and for bad. You can’t stop me from loving you. God, you were totally going to ink those words into you permanently. Namjoon was right; honest communication really could open up one’s eyes.

“Hobi, honestly, what do you expect me to say? No?” you mumbled reluctantly, the fight in you extinguished. “Do as you wish then. But let me just say, you don’t get to blame me if you end up needing therapy for dealing with my shit.”

Rubbing his face into your stomach, Hoseok inhaled your scent. “This is not a blaming game, love. And I’m already seeing a therapist. Mental health is important.”

You froze. That was new information.

“Stop overthinking,” Hoseok ordered as he tightened his hold around your waist. “It’s just an outlet for stress management.”  

Well then. Enough angst for today. That would certainly be a conversation for another day.

“I was just thinking, I’m pretty sure I didn’t agree to a polyamorous or open relationship, mister. But I can if the good doctor is hot. How hot we talkin’? Seriously, a doctor on the side? How did you even manage that?”

Chuckling, Hoseok said, “I am so in love with you, my spiritual soulmate.”

“Yoongi’s gonna be upset you said that.”

“He won’t, if you don’t tell.”

“Hobi, I’m serious about-”

“Hi Serious, I’m Hobi.”

“Dad jokes again? You’re spending too much time with Jin.”

“I’m telling Jin.”

“Whatever. You’re so fucking extra. I hate you.”

“Love you too.”