#basically i love snk to the moon and back and also i love the fandom :')

[tatakaeeren]

Day 6 - Love your fandom day  ❤️

Thank you for keep making amazing gifs, edits , graphics, art, doodles, etc. It takes a lot of time and dedication to make every single one of them, so thank you for keep creating and sharing your talent and creativity with the fandom, we all appreciate it so much, every time we see new content, our days feel brighter. We all love SNK so much that making content and seeing new content feels like we are all connected and share the same passion for this masterpiece. Basically, thank you for blessing us with your amazingness. 

Thank you for keep writting meta, theories, fanfics, headcanons, discussing or answering questions related to the latest chapters, etc. Thank you for conecting the dots and  sharing your thoughts and ideas about what is going on in the recent chapters. Not all of us can think outside of the box and come up with wild but really possible theories, we highly apreaciate them!. Thank you to all the wonderful and creative minds who write the most exciting and captivating stories that have us all wide awake until 3 am reading non stop, because let’s face it, if we find a new fanfic we won’t stop until it ends!. Thank you headcanon writers for adding new ideas to our vision of the the characters, it feels like and expansion of their personalities, and many of them seems totally true or canon!. And thanks to all the amazing blogs who kindly answer all our questions after every chapters, we all want to discuss and understand what is going on, so thanks for taking the time and patience to answer all of them!. 

Thank you!! everyone in the fandom who is always sending nice messages, rebloging content from other blogs and helping the creators, thanks to all the blogs so keep making Events or _____week,etc.  Thank you for being kind and respectful towards other people/blogs  who may or may not have your same taste in ships or characters. A big Thank you to all the event and “X week” organizers!! it takes a lot of time and preparation to make them happen, we really appreciate your hard work! these kind of events bring us together even more and it is also a great way to meet new people and blogs. Thank you to everyone in the fandom! no matter how “small or big” you blog is, it doesn’t matter if you make content or if you only reblog posts, WE ARE ALL HERE BECAUSE WE LOVE SNK AND WE WILL KEEP SHARING OUR PASSION UNTIL WE DIE BECAUSE .... 

        SHINZOU WO SASAGEYOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

On a more personal note: Huge thanks to everyone who follows me and keep rebloging and sending me lovely messages, don’t think that I don’t see you! I keep seeing your names/faces/icons in my notifications and honestly who have no idea how happy it makes me feel! I really appreciate all your support! If you want, we can totally chat and send messages, I would love to get to know you all more. 

Thanks to all my mutuals and friends!! Tumblr can be hell sometimes but I wouldn’t change it for the wolrd, because I had the chance to meet the most incredible and sweet people that I now get to call good friends :’). thank you for sharing my craziness and love for SNK and most of all thank you for your friendship! 💕

[dualflame]

I'm probably not the first person to ask this, but what's your opinions on K9999 / Tetsuo?

As should be clear now with my shameless gushing since the 'Krohnen' reveal, I actually love him alot even if my preference leans a bit harder towards his angsty, grimdark...jesus, uh, other self? brother? clone? temporary stand-in? Oh well. whatever SNK decides to do with him going forwards. Point is my tastes leaned towards Nameless a bit more. I get as someone who writes Nameless, there's a sort of expectation that I wouldn't be a fan of K9999 as well because for some odd reason people in this fandom think you can't like one without hating the other which, frankly, has always been ridiculous to me. Now I'm not going to sit here and pretend I'm innocent. I'm not going to pretend I wasn't also a naysayer as well when people kept pushing that K9999 was coming back. And, to be fair, I don't think that was an irrational stance to hold since with the whole copyright issue rumor going around for ages, a certain influencer with actual connections to the company in the community purposely greasing the wheel of that rumor for years, and SNK doing everything and I mean everything in their conceivable power to pretend like the poor guy never existed (including getting rid of him in the official arts in XIV and erasing him from a few sites) while simultaneously pushing Nameless in their mobile games. However, naturally, with the reveal of him coming back in XV, my expectations were indeed all shattered and I'm ecstatic to have him back and hope we'll get to see what a K9999 given time to grow and think has become and what he's spent that doing with himself. If there ever was any complaints about his character I had in the past, I do feel like he stepped a bit over the line as one of the many homages to famous anime figures SNK has created. I mean, he was basically just Tetsuo, and while that was also undeniably part of the appeal for me I also always felt that he would benefit from a bit more originality in his design and a bit of self-reflection to give him some more depth as a character which have both been addressed so, yeah, I love him and needless to say I'm jazzed to see my other clone son back from the grave and seemingly better than ever. I do hope they keep a bit of his arrogance and ax-craziness though. His laughs were always pretty epic.

now if we can just get SNK to include him and nameless in a game together with some canon interaction, I'll be over the moon

[peachymess]

Hey, just dropping by to ask how life has been lately -- how are you holding up? It seems like you've been kinda better nowadays but I wanna make sure. So how have you been? Is there anything special you wanna talk about, whether it's good or not?

You know... anon. This is probably one of the more heartwarming asks I’ve gotten in a while. Unprovoked, earnest want to hear how the person behind the blog - past SNK - is doing. Like a request to hear more of the “personal” tagged posts I make. That’s just so touching to me. I have the feeling that people who are interested in me, are so at least partially because I have a connection to SNK; that if I dropped out of the fandom, I’d be an instant unfollow (not that there’s anything wrong with that - but there’s something special about feeling like someone cares past their own interests - “forget about SNK, I just wanna hear how you’re doing” JPHA anyone?) So thank you. When I saw this yesterday, I had the instant thought that it was probably from my best friend, and the only reason I cast that idea aside, is because he could just ask me on messenger haha. Anyways! Anon, I will tell you how I’ve been doing! Someone asks me “how are you”, and I’m just jumping right in and replying honestly, haha! (Under the cut, because this will be long; life updates are usually long, ya know)↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓

You’re right, I’m really good! This time, last year, I had just made a suicide pact with myself; I was so exhausted I was done fighting for myself. I said “someone’s gotta help me. But if nobody does, or nothing has changed within the time SNK is over, I’m calling it quits and offing myself”. And I meant it. I’ve had so many hard periods like that, and I’m running out of lives. I thought “next time will be game over”. That pact does NOT still stand. But it did for the better part of 2017. I can’t remember when it changed. Oh, wait, I do: the moment I gave myself the out, I felt so much relief washing over me. Not having to worry about the pathetic failure future I had ahead of me, not having to worry about the education I was too sick to complete, having to acquire a house without the means somehow... All worries about the future were lifted off me. And I had an out. It probably sounds really strange, but as soon as I’d decided to die (unless life worked itself out, aka win-win/good life - escape from bad life), life felt more bearable. I was still having a bad depressive period, so I was still not good, but I guess the pact nullified all the stress and anxiety connected to the future. When I accepted having none at all, anything else started feeling like a pluss once I decided not to die after all. The problem with “someone else has to fight for me”, though, is that apart from my parents (who can’t really do much since this is internal and they aren’t professionals - although boy did they try, bless) nobody did. I mean, I have you guys to love me, but in my every day life, who could fix me? Coincidentally, in this very same time frame, I was suddenly rejected further help from the mental health organ and I just... had no choice but to fight harder than ever just to get the amount of help I’d gotten before. It’s a big messy ordeal that took almost a year to fix. Complaints to file, waiting, more waiting, more stops to visit, etc... Basically, my notion of “being too exhausted to lift another finger for myself” was tested, and thanks to pure outrage, I was able to fight to win my right to help back. I’ve talked about it before so I won’t repeat that stuff. But the fact is, once the heaviest darkness lifted (I have recurring depression, so it just comes and goes in waves) towards the end of 2017, I carried with me an exercised ability to fight that I didn’t have going into the year. And at some point,... I don’t know how, but I was just so strongly set on fighting, fighting, fighting. I think about Armin and how he never stopped moving. He had his moments of weakness, where he thought he had no more to give, but at the end of the day, he’d be further along than when the sun rose. And I was doing the same. Because my roomie was moving at the start of 2018, I had to start thinking of how to move forward as well. I’d grown complacent in the apartment we rented together, but with him, it was too comfortable just to stay in that place mentally and in life. Just in time, I had a rude awakening to the fact that I also depended too much on other people. They were my pillars, and if they crumbled, I didn’t hold on my own. *sigh* Basically, I learned a lot in 2017, and grew a lot. At the very end - thankfully after the depression was over - I had to do a sudden crash course in how to find my own legs to stand on again, and how to close off my heart so it wasn’t so vulnerable. I went through the ice king stage of thinking I’d never let myself care about anyone else again, but I’ve found a good middle ground where I’m able to care about others but also not needing them to care about me back. This is all a long story that I don’t care to tell because it’s trivial, but also still affects me actually. But I grew a lot on it, so I’m thankful for the experience.

The TL;DR of 2017 is that after deciding I was too exhausted to fight anymore, fate forced me to fight harder than ever, and I learned a lot thanks to perfectly timed challenges, ultimately allowing me to enter 2018 a stronger person. The turning point was still the 7th of December: my tattoo. It’s of Armin’s name, for those that didn’t know (I posted it here so just search “tattoo” on my blog if you wanna see). I’d wanted to tattoo his name on my arm for quite some time, but I was scared. Because I knew that if I had his name on my arm, I could never dishonor him by killing myself. Having the tattoo would thus be my official declaration of giving up suicide as an option (ever!). Now, that’s a scary thought to someone who lives off the relief that having an opt out gives... But as time went on, and the warrior spirit had found a home in my heart, I slowly turned from fearing it, to needing it. Eventually, I called my dad and basically said “I need an appointment asap”, and he hooked me up with his tattoo artist friend. The idea came to me when I realized that despite any kind of depression, whenever I thought about Armin, any other feeling would be forgotten for a moment, as I was reminded of the love I feel for him, the motivation he gives me, and so many more good feelings. Thinking about him basically causes an explosion of warm complex joy within my chest. It spreads through my body and I always smile. So my thesis was that if I tattooed his name on my arm, and I hold my phone in my hand 24/7, I’d see his name all throughout the day, every day, and thus my depression would be repelled by this overwrite happiness all! the! time! And, anon? Thesis turned law; it works! It’s gonna be 4 months since the tattoo now, and I’ve only felt suicidal 3 days since then - and although I cal tell my body is ready to head into another depressive period, I’e managed to fight it back 4 times (4 attacks that all lasted about a week, but in the end, I managed to fight it off). It’s like I’m a werewolf, and every once in a while, the full moon is back and I struggle to stay human - and I’m managing, much thanks to a new sigil on my skin, keeping the beast caged. 

Now, it would be a lie to say that the tattoo is the only reason, though: in wake of my change, and with this new intense fighting spirit, I also made a resolution to try something new: refuse to be sad. You know how people say smiling will trick the brain to think you’re happy? It sounds stupid as hell, but I finally decided that you know what?, it doesn't hurt to try. I’m gonna insist that I’m happy, even if my brain says otherwise. Fake it till you make it. And it’s working - a little wavering included, but who isn’t sad from time to time? Because my capacity to do things has been gravely weakened, though, I’m on semi-welfare now, though. It’s a kind of welfare where they haven’t accepted your application for welfare yet and you get like a tiny allowance every other week to live off of instead (not meant for a permanent basis, as it’s not nearly enough - usually given to people who are between jobs for a month or two, just to get by). I don’t have the money to buy a house, but I’ve been moving for so many consecutive years that it’s jeopardizing my mental health so I’m trying something new: I moved back with my parents, and I’m currently trying to figure out what the next step is. I want to get a house somehow, so I have a permanent base to grow off of. I know that will take a lot stress off me to focus my tiny quota of strength on something else (like figuring out what to do about education/work). But since I don’t have the means, I can’t get a regular type of loan. There is a special kind you can get if you’re on welfare, so I’m currently applying for welfare, but to apply, I need to do a lot of tests to show where my ability level lies, but I’m not able to do them so I need to get papers from doctors to confirm that. I had already “proven myself” but then I lost my psychologist, case worker and house doctor all at once, so I have to spend about a year extra to re-prove myself. And then I can apply if they say I can apply, and then I have to wait for a yes or a no, and then work from there... So you see, right now, my fate is in others’ hands. I’m basically in a limbo of waiting, then doing some sort of meeting, then waiting for it to process, so I can meet someone else and wait again. I’m currently waiting for my caseworker to answer to request to meet her so I can ask how my case is coming alone since i haven’t heard from them in over a month... It’s quite... frustrating. But I’m a professional when it comes to dealing with these things, since I’m over a decade deep in this sh-. 

In the meantime, though! I am working hard to keep my mental stability in check! And I’m doing that by setting monthly goals, and starting every day with breakfast and writing down daily goals! It helps me structure my days and I’ve gotten so much done this way! It’s helping me in all sorts of ways! And although I don’t have a lot of material things to boast with, I feel more successful now than I ever have, because I’ve done another huge leap in personal growth and I’m growing more and more apt to tackle life. Just wait. I might not have a lot now, but when we do tally in twenty years from now, I’ll have the earthly goods that my peers have, and a more developed psyche on top of that! I’m on the path to finding true happiness, and that’s so much more important than following the highway to wealth. 

Ah, sorry for how long this got... But yeah... I have a lot of small joys every day that I’d like to share. My journey is really making me happy. But I’m afraid I’m just boring or annoying people. I get the occasional “write what you want” ask, but I can’t shake the feeling anyways. I’m working on getting better at sharing, though. Thank you for giving me the push to write this. Take care, anon!