#bbycxlors

[ovrkills-blog]

@bbycxlors

wes  must  have  passed  out  somewhere  along  the  road,  head  against  the  window  as  miles  of  desert  passed  them  by.  he’d  never  been  more  than  a  few  miles  outside  of  time,  so  he’d  spent  the  majority  of  the  trip  so  far  just  staring  out  the  window,  holding  one  of  camden’s  hands  and  listening  to  shitty  music  that  came  in  and  out  of  signal.  the  glow  of  a  motel’s  sign  glaring  at  him  in  the  midst  of  the  darkness  makes  him  stir,  eyes  squinting  to  take  in  the  new  surroundings.  “  are  we  out   of  the  fuckin’  desert  yet ?  ”  his  voice  groggy  and  filled  with  sleep  as  the  heels  of  his  palms  rub  into  his  eyes.  

[dogstarisblack]

Bliss. This moment finally a moment of bliss, a moment to catch his breath. His head gently hit the pillow as he curled up in bed, another late night. But the way that he could press up against Remus, the scent of freshly washed sheets filling his senses and the way the bed cradled his tired body was bliss. The house was still and quiet, for once. All Sirius could hear was the gentle whirling of their fan and the gentle puffs of his husband’s breathing. It was always a bit of a challenge to get Harry down, not that it was surprising in the least. The poor infant had lost his mother and father in the same evening left to be cared for, in Harry’s eyes, by two strangers. He trashed and cried out no doubt for parents that could no longer hear his cries. He cried at bright flashes of light, and tried to pick at the scar that settled on his forehead. He became irrationally attached to Sirius and Remus when the night grew dark, the poor child traumatized and terrified that his two new parents wouldn’t be there in the morning. Just like what had already happened to him. Shrill shrieks often filled the house late in the night, Harry becoming terrified of the horrors he must dream of. Sirius could never get angry, though. No not ever. He could barely cope with losing James and Lily himself, it didn’t come as a shock to him when Harry cried out for his parents and becoming enraged when he only got Sirius and Remus to come to his aid. It ripped Sirius’s heart out of his chest again, each sob coming from the baby’s lips making a new broken scar on his heart. 

It seemed tonight was no different. It felt as if sleep had just taken Sirius when shouted cries came in through the low volume of the baby monitor. Tired eyes struggled to stay open as Sirius lay quietly for a moment. There was a false hope in his chest, that maybe... just maybe Harry would go back to bed. He had read something about self soothing in some parenting book.. maybe. But when the cries got louder and more desperate, Sirius couldn’t take it any longer. With a soft sigh the man pressed a soft kiss to his husband’s shoulder before pushing up out of bed. Stretching his arms above his head, bones popped and shifted before finally moving onto his feet. His slim fingers reached out for his wand and with a quick wave, his bathrobe was sliding onto his form. Heavy footfalls drug across the floor, too tried to fully pick his feet up. 

Once in the little bedroom decorated with broomsticks and Gryffindor colors, Harry still didn’t seem to let up on his cries. “Shh, shh.” The man whispered, his voice horse. With another flick of his wand, the soft blue lamp lit up in the corner of the room. The toddler had his hands wrapped around bars of his crib, shaking them violently. “Another fright, Harry?” He asked, even though he knew Harry wouldn’t respond as he sobbed away. “I know dear one. I know..” He cooed, finally reaching in to pick the boy up gently. He trashed around slightly in his arms, but came to terms with the fact that he was being held. Sirius hummed slightly, bouncing him up and down gently trying to soothe the poor boy. But time seemed to tick slowly as Harry continued yelling, swatting and crying. Nothing seemed to help, no soothing motions or words. Not the rocking chair or bouncing on knees. Not even the magic that Sirius sometimes showed Harry to keep the toddler’s attention. 

A feeling settled deep in his stomach, a small fear that he couldn’t give Harry what he needed. He needed his parents. Though, other friends insisted that Remus and Sirius were now his parents it didn’t feel right to call himself that. James and Lily will always been father and mother to Harry and right now Sirius knew that’s exactly who he wanted. His hands started to shake, and he tried to calm them by rubbing the back of Harry’s head gently. All the emotions he had yet to deal with were attempting to surface in his exhaustion. How much desperately he missed James and Lily, how he hadn’t had time to mourn them. His mind was always caught up in Harry that there wasn’t enough time in the day to think of his losses. But as he stood now, he felt as helpless as he did that night. The night he saw Godric’s Hollow in bits, the night he saw his brother and his wife.... dead. The night he picked up a child wailing in grief and taking him into the night before someone could return to finish the job. “I’m sorry.” His voice came out broken whispered, trying his best to hide his emotion not wanting to upset Harry further. “I miss them too..” 

@bbycxlors