#bc i'm going to go respond 2 the rest of ur messages

[straighttohellbuddy]

pretty best friends {Dream}

Anon asked: hello!! i saw that requests are open (i think? if not ignore this!!) and i was wondering if u could write a cc!dream x reader where the reader is maybe a faceless streamer as well, or dream just hasn’t seen her face yet for another reason and the first time he does he like… gets all quiet or something and reader thinks it’s bc he thinks theyre ugly and then dream is like “no it’s not that! never that.” djsjsjfroeod i love ur writing tysm!! 😽😽

Summary: Sometimes it's hard to explain what popular, faceless streamers go through to anyone else, so when you find someone whose good, if chaotic, vibes match up with yours, you'll hold onto that friendship tight so long as they feel like the right person to be around. So you're delighted to find that you and Dream operate on the same wavelength. What started as an MCC team up turns into an unshakable bond that you're both hell bent on making everyone else's problem.

Need to Know: They/Them. Popular Faceless Streamer!Reader. Suggestive discussions about CGI characters.

A/N: 3472 words. is this any good? Someone let me know. Can be read as platonic ! 💖 Seriously it's 5am and I'm catching a train in 10 minutes I've been up all night writing is this good???

"Am I nervous about being on Dream's team?" In the few hours before Minecraft Championship began, your nerves had gotten the better of you, so instead of psyching yourself out, you'd gone live early on the training map, "now; no. A few days ago? God, absolutely," you admitted with a warm laugh, "but considering I was acting weird the first time I got to talk to him, and now he's still messaging me to chat, and not just about MCC things, I figure it's on him."

Despite your lack of a camera, your chat could clearly hear how wide you were smiling, already sounding fond despite the relative youth of the friendship you were discussing.

"I was running on not a lot of sleep, and like, I wanna say professional fear," you huffed with faint amusement, "because, like I wasn't starstruck because oh my god its Dream, but more like, I haven't had enough sleep and I'm talking to a man with more followers than there are people living in Australia, you know?"

[Dream: bold of you to assume I am ever well rested either 😂] flashed up in your chat for a moment for everyone to see, and though they couldn't see the surprise on your face, the silence is deafening.

"Shut up, he's here, everyone be cool," you began babbling, "Dream I swear I'm not usually this shit at To Get To The Other Side, I promise," you laughed awkwardly, right before you eat shit on the training map. Then, after a moment, you switch tactics; "also, hey Dream, call me and tell everyone that I'm not lying and we are becoming friends."

It takes a few long moments as you loiter on the training map, looking through comments, many of which were doubtful, before everyone hears the Discord call noise.

"Mods ban everyone who doubted me," you announce triumphantly before you even say hello, and everyone hears Dream's laughter echo across your stream.

"Hello to you too," he chuckles.

"Hi bestie," you play up your closeness, but still he plays along.

"Hey new bestie."

A long moment of silence follows, which you eventually break with a sigh.

"I'm sorry, you didn't need to actually call, I was just being a menace," you admitted sheepishly, starting a new game.

"What are friends for?" Dream responded with easily, and you immediately hit menu and left the server.

"Dude!" You crowed.

"Dude, what?"

"Dude, I was being a menace, you're so nice!" You sound a little muffled, as if covering your face with your hands. Again, Dream laughs, again, it's a kinder sound than you feel like you deserve considering the context.

"We were doing Smash or Pass with the CGI creatures in Spy Kids 2, which I suggested," Dream points out, putting you both on blast in an instant, "and not only were you cool with that, but we both want to smash the Spider-Monkey, so now we're friends. I don't make the rules."

"It's the objectively correct answer," you don't even hesitate before answering, mouth moving faster than your brain, and face still presumably in your hands, "look at that creature and tell me he doesn't; one, sling phenomenal dick, and two, both know and practice aftercare." As you're speaking, if only to provide context for your audience, you tab away from Minecraft to Google image search the Spy Kids 2 Spider-Monkey.

"Yeah, I read your messages, I agree on all fronts; the Spider-Monkey is a service top and would treat us right," Dream added sagely, "but what I'm saying is the fact that we had in depth discussions about our reasoning behind whether we would smash or pass these CGI creatures has forged a friendship that I refuse to back out of."

"That's why you agreed to be my friend?" Your tone was strangely fond at that revelation.

"No, I agreed to be your friend because I posted a Thumb-Thumb from the first movie in our team's chat and you answered 'smash' in all capitals three seconds after I posted it, followed by 'what that thumb do', again, all capitals -"

"I hadn't had a lot of sleep!" You cut in to defend yourself, still sounding vaguely embarrassed.

"I was impressed by your fucking conviction!" He shouts, but the bright affection in his voice keeps him from sounding too aggressive. A few seconds of silence followed, and you tabbed back to Minecraft.

"To those in chat wondering," Dream sounds more than a little amused as he broke the silence, "I hadn't asked Smash or Pass, I literally just posted a picture of the Thumb-Thumb in the group chat; they responded before I had a chance to follow up."

"I don't know what I was thinking," you mumbled, sounding all kinds of bashful.

"I want to study you," you could hear him smirking. It was easy to play up your embarrassment when your chat couldn't see you grinning, "for the record you were really quiet when we first all met in the VC, so it surprised me - in a good way, of course."

"A good way?" You asked dubiously.

"Hey, if it wasn't, I wouldn't have DMed you to follow up, I wouldn't have bothered to watch your stream to try and get to know you better, and I wouldn't have called when you asked," he points out with a strangely kind bluntness to his words. You're once again quietly, ruminating on his words as a warmth blooms in your chest.

"Okay now I am kind of starstruck," you mumble, flustered and fond, "you need me to fight someone for you I definitely will," which gets him to laugh, and begins your long, public history of being a Dream Stan on main.

After your group places 4th in MCC, you anticipate your fast-formed friendship with Dream to fade considerably. You tell yourself you don't mind, that that's what happens; you're friends now, sure, but you shouldn't expect to be especially close.

But he's still just as quick to answer you. He starts conversations. He calls you just because he's had a strange thought he wants to talk through with someone, and you're one of his first choices, so of course you start calling him in similar situations. It doesn't take long for a script to form, even if it's just between the two of you, neither live, even sometimes bleeding into your DMs; Bestie, I've had a thought. / Terrifying, continue.

While you don't interact live often anymore, you speak in private almost daily, and neither of you forgets the joke even when the other isn't around to hear it. Jokes about stanning turn to jokes about simping, made all the more amusing by neither of you knowing what the other even looks like.

While you begin to develop a solid friendship with George and Sapnap along the way, so too does Dream get to know your own housemate, an ASMR YouTuber who is kind but bemused by your burgeoning friendship with one of the biggest names on the platform. Still, she gets along well just as you do with the rest of the Dream Team.

And when your housemate moves out and you're by yourself in the little two-bedroom apartment, they make sure you never feel lonely.

While live interactions were limited, you never hesitated to defend one another, no matter the platform. Mods in your streams quickly learned that if vitriolic Dream-Antis weren't banned before they properly got your attention, you would put them on blast without a shred of mercy.

[the bit is dead. you and dream don't give a shit about each other we know this is for clout. let it go] pops up as a donation that slipped through the cracks, and you, who had been ranking notable Cyberpunk NPCs on a tier list, and had mentioned in an offhand way that you and Dream got into an argument about some of the A-Tier choices, go dead silent.

The mood drops.

"Can you please explain how?" Voice absolutely poisonous and calm, you let your mouse rest idle in the middle of the screen, "mods let them speak; can you bring up this proof that everyone knows about that insinuates that my friendship with Dream is a spiteful bit on my behalf?" And you wait.

[everyone knows. obviously. you guys aren't friends you don't ever talk]

"Obviously," you give a thin-lipped smile that no-one sees as you read a message from Dream himself, asking if you want him to call. You hit call and continue to address the troll, "not that I have anything to prove to you, or anyone," you drawled, feeling rather smug seeing that Dream had picked up, "hey bestie, sorry to interrupt your hot boy shit, but get a load of this clown," you snorted.

"You want me to ban them?" Dream asks with the kind of lazy, smug confidence that was rarely warranted in your shared discussions, but made a pleasant little shiver run down your spine every time you heard it. Chat was screaming.

"That's right, you have mod privileges on my streams, don't you?" Your tone is frankly catty, so full of smug confidence that even without a visual your audience is practically able to picture your smile.

"Yeah, you gave them to me months before we even talked about you joining the SMP -" Dream's own tone shifts as he stops matching your energy to menace you on your own stream. As anticipated, it broke you into disbelieving laughter as you shrieked for a moment.

"You're such a dick!" You laughed brightly, "I've been building up that will-they-wont-they-invite-me bit since MCC!"

"Okay, bye bestie, love you!" Dream announced cheerfully over the top of your dismay before immediately hanging up the call. While you're half-groaning, half-laughing at his sheer audacity, one of your other mods was quick to post that this is how people knew you were actually good friends, and for once your chat was in absolute agreement. At least when they weren't begging you for details on your SMP character and when you might finally join.

"I never said I accepted the invite," you tried to play coy, but it was futile, "he's so lucky he's cute."

Thankfully the overall reception to Dream's brief cameo was positive, and at least for a few days the people claiming you were a clout chaser quietened down. It's a brief reprieve but you're still glad for it.

In some ways you found it easier being faceless online; it's easier to disconnect yourself from a lot of the baseless hate. That being said, you found yourself, like many of your faceless fellow creators, to be a lightning rod for speculation and cruel potential comparisons. And more than anything, people went to horrifying lengths to try and discover your true identity behind the screen.

"Would you ever do a proper face reveal?" You hear yourself asking Dream at an hour that's arguably both too late and too early.

"I mean I want to," he admits, "I want to meet my friends and fans and make IRL content, you know?" Serious conversations were happening more and more often between you two. Maybe it's a sign of closeness, "but still the idea kind of freaks me out, like I'm losing a safety net. I love Sap and George but now that they're out there it's like they've kind of forgotten what it's like, and now my numbers are fucking astronomical, it's..." The way he signs betrays just how exhausted he was by certain aspects of his success.

"I know..." While your numbers may not be even close to Dream's, you've still got a few million subscribers of your own, and know all too well how the pressure aches. Still, you try to lighten the mood, "I'll make you my lock screen."

"What, now?" He laughs with confusion

"After your face reveal I'll make you my lock screen," you tell him with complete sincerity. You're not completely sure what reaction you're hoping for, but silence isn't it.

"Dream?"

"I've had an idea," he muses, sounding suddenly energetic, and you don't even have time to make an intrigued noise before he's continuing, "we should meet up."

"In person?"

"Yeah, you come to me or I'll come to you," enthusiasm is spilling from him, and you hear him begin to frantically type. You, however, are far more hesitant.

"Why? What would be the point?" And at your question, the tapping of the keys goes silent.

"I wanna hang out with you?" He says a little awkwardly, almost like it's a question, "I want to see you in person? You're one of my best friends? I think it'd be funny for two of the biggest faceless streamers to do a meet-up before either of us face reveal? Take your pick," he sounds a little defensive.

"I-" you find yourself touched by the sentiment, overwhelmed at his words, "I know we are friends, and I know it's kind of something we joke about, but I always figured, you know, you had George and Sap and..." you feel your chest swell with pride, "do you really think of me as one of your best friends?"

A long silence follows.

"Do you not?" He asks, sounding a little disappointed, which has you backpedaling almost immediately.

"Of course I do, but I don't -" you hesitate before admitting, "I don't really have any other best friends. I like my housemate but ours is a convenience thing more than anything else."

"You're a different kind of best friend to Sap or George, or you know, even different to Karl or Q," he tells you after a few moments of deliberation, but at least he seems to be in better spirits, "but yeah, I still consider you one of my best friends." The typing on his end of the call has tentatively resumed.

"What kind of different?" You ask gently, and are again met with hesitation.

"There's parts of how I..." He trails off and hums thoughtfully, trying to organise his thoughts, "the way we exist online- no... I mean yes but it's not quite..." Then, carefully, "you know me," and he lets it hang in the silence between you both, and you give him the time to elaborate, heart in your throat, "you know me in a way that's very hard to describe and so much harder to find, because I feel like you know me in the nichest way, you know? Since that random-ass call the day of MCC, I was like, sure about you in a way that I'd never been about another person. Like safe - I mean," and he splutters half sentences again for a few moments, like he hadn't quite meant to admit that last part, but you're glad he did. You knew exactly what feeling he was talking about, the one that burned deep in your chest, that you knew you could never dream to find the words for.

You tell him your address.

He goes quiet.

The typing continues.

"So this is it, I'm coming to visit," suddenly he sounds nervous, and despite feeling that too, you can't help but grin.

"How soon?"

"Two days?"

"Two days!" The way you cheer in confirmation is cathartic for you both; you hear him definitely hit enter to purchase the plane ticket, and he laughs like he can't believe it's really happening. Then, as the laughter dies down, your voice turns quiet and fond, "you make me feel safe too, Dream."

"Stop," he sounds plaintive but still somehow bright, "I already kind of feel like I'm about to cry, I can't believe I get to see you so soon."

"So soon," you echo the affirmation with a smile.

To celebrate you watch and movie together, ending up falling asleep on the call. All you feel when you wake is how giddy you are knowing how soon it would be until you saw your best friend in person, finally!

He insists on taking an Uber from the airport, wants your first time seeing each other to be somewhere your voices have no chance of getting recognised, so by the time you buzz him into your building your practically sick with anticipation. Pacing with your earbuds in, something about hearing the echo of his real voice at your front door just ahead of hearing him in the call, it makes it all feel so real.

"I'm gonna hang up and knock now," his tone is so gentle, like he can tell you're freaking out more than he is right now.

"Okay, love you," you blurt out on tense instinct. He hangs up but you can hear his fond laughter the moment before he starts to knock. He doesn't even get a third knock in before you've wrenched the door open, heartbeat in your ears, absolutely clueless on what to expect -

He's real. He's a real person and he's standing in front of you and your best friend Dream has kind eyes. Around the time you register that this isn't a trick, that he's got wavy hair and he's tall and pale as all fuck, you realise that you're definitely checking him out, which somehow feels weirder when it hits you that he's actually very handsome. He had a place in your heart pretty much since you met him, but this is a welcome surprise.

"Do you wanna come in?" You asked with a little laugh, stepping to the side and gesturing him in. His expression was unreadable as he stepped past you, "it's good to see you," you tried, but once you closed the door and turned around, you couldn't help but feel self conscious.

"Come on man, this is really me, I'd rather you not do a bit, I've been cleaning but I tried to -" you dip your gaze to avoid looking at him, scouring your outfit for any stains you made have noticed, hoping his reaction was to something you could fix -

"This isn't a bit, sorry, I promise," he says in a rush, stepping forward. When you finally look back up, he's smiling at you, hand hovering like he went to touch your cheek but he's not sure he's allowed, "I cannot believe you've been this pretty behind the screen this entire time, this is so unfair, I could have bought a plane ticket months ago."

Slowly, as his words sink in, you feel yourself beginning to grin and grow flustered.

"Okay, this bit I approve of -"

"Who says it's a bit?" He crowed, stepping closer to you, cupping your face with his hand, "look at your face, this isn't a bit, you're hot! Who let you be hot?" And you know that tone, have heard that smile in his words before; the fact that this smile was behind it every time?

"No, shut up, you're not allowed to simp over me, I'm meant to be simping over you; you just finished a plane and uber ride, how are you not a hot mess? Who let you be hot?" And immediately he's turning red, basking in your compliments with a wide grin.

"We're gonna be insufferable on stream, aren't we?"

"Without a doubt," you beam, and finally you pull each other into a tight hug.

After dinner you drag a second chair into what is now your office, making sure the space was set up for you both to be comfortable. Once your computer is booting up, he pulls out his phone and instructs you to make half a heart with your hand in front of the computer. He completes the heart with his own and snaps a photo, your aesthetic set up in the background.

[am I really in @Y/N's apartment IRL for the most convoluted meet up ever or am i very good at photoshop? idk you decide] is how he captions the photo, which you immediately retweet onto your main account with a link to your Twitch.

"I ain't ever seen two pretty best friends!" You quote loudly at your chat to start your stream, immediately causing Dream to laugh, leaning over to press his forehead against your shoulder while you continued on strong, "and neither will you! Welcome to the most confusing and least provable meet up! Special guest Dream, do you wanna say hello?"

"I do," he wheezed, "I'm special guest Dream, coming to you live from Y/N's office, believe it or not!"

"I'm seeing a lot of non believers here," you mumbled with faux disappointment.

"They don't have to believe," Dream points out, far less performative than he'd been a moment ago. When he smiles at you, something eases in your chest. There's no weird tension, or uncomfortable silences, or doubt. Your best friend is by your side; the only thing that matters in this moment is him.

[ramu-ego]

AHHH JEEZ A 2 DAYS LATE REPLY MY BAD, i def wouldve responded sooner but i suddenly got busy, missed camping in this little blog here 💔😭 (yes 2 days is a lot in my book LMAO)

when i saw sir nighteye, i looked at ego and i was like. Yea. Yea that’s a type alright LMFAOO.. IVE MEVER SEEN THE REST EXCEPT DAZAI BUT MAYBE THATS SIGN FOR ME TO OPEN MY TASTES A BIT MORE..

100% agree on the ego paragraph!!..!.!?! EVEN IF I WASNT THE BIGGEST FAN ITS SOO OBVS HE CARES.. one day imma see an ego appreciation paragraph analysis explaining every single detail abt what he did and i wouldnt be surprised if that post is from you LMFAO

god i’ve never heard nikko’s eng voice but i’m def not looking forward to it — i read the nikko post though, GOODD LOORDDD may of changed my perspective of nikko on ruining him but still, gotta stay loyal to my favs (a lie, i’m a whore and would jump around but niko just aint it for me LMFAO)

god yea, my timezones been like .. the direct opposite of most people so i wasn’t surprised to see ours be different, JUST CRAZY HOW KUCH OF A DIFFERENCE IT ACTUALLY WAS .. fuckk guess we can twin in being last to almost everything then huh? the only win i get is just having an asian timezone to be early to actual content LMFAO

i respect liking dubs!!!! i used to watch dubs for like, romance anime? toradora and shit when i was WAYYY younger!! HONESTLY I SEARCHED UP ALL UR RECS AND III THINKKK i may start with mob psycho first since it peaks my interests the most! but i’ll def check fire force since it’s one of ur favs, i’ll tell you what i think abt it when i actually DO start it (chronic procrastinator, i even procrastinated writing this message despite how much i wanted to chat LOL)

I HAVE REALLY BAD MEMORY SO IVE GOT NO IDEA WHICH GUY I WAS REFERRING TO.. curly hair??? black hair??? looked kinda dead inside??? I THINK IT MIGHTVE BEEN W GAGAMARU AND RAICHI.. his hair looked kinda like it hadn’t been washed in weeks ngl

IM HAPPY TO READ YOUR RESPONSES HONESTLY, SUPEPRRR FUN and it feels like im having a genuine one on one convo even if we are like — replying to it like letters or sum LMFAO, guess we going back to the past era for this! BEINNG A HAIRDRESSER FOR 5 YEARS IS SOO COOL?? you’re only 25 now so like — did you pick this job up early on??

i’ve never watched haikyuu but i could see a lot of people felt differently abt blue lock compared to haikyuu, blue lock kinda increases that competitive spirit that’s rare to find in that. team work stuff?

since i felt as if my replies were kinda ass this time, i got news! just watched blue lock episode 11 and good fucking lord this shit was good — yea i was worried about bad animation but shit POPPED OFF.. and rin itoshi :?/!.?.!?! i screamed creamed probably was thinkign with only my metaphorical dick from that point on because good lord i want this man HELP.. it’s been like a year or two(?) since i first saw rin itoshi in the manga but good lord when i saw him animated and even spoke, i felt sum ROARING DOWN THERE … (excuse my language i only think with my lower region!) this awakened sum in mme.. don’t be surprised once i start sending genuine requests and thirsts

since i even joked about this being like a literal letter, maybe i should start signing off like one!!!

from 💌 anon or something LMFAO

NO NO TWO DAYS IS NOTHING I CAN BE AWFUL AT RESPONDING-

-I am so bad at like focusing to respond so trust me no apology needed bc I'm chronically bad at looking at a message and then giving myself anxiety over it. It's something I'm working on 😂😭

Dazai is mildly the odd man out except for the dude with black 'n white hair they're kinda con losers together but I'd say the over arching theme is "they look like they bite...but not really" I have no sense of danger I want the weird looking men no one wants 😂 but no seriously all the fandoms they're from are really good highly recommend Dr Stone and Fire Force if you enjoy Blue Lock. They are *chefs kiss*

do you know how hard it is to keep my twitching fingers on my keyboard to not rant about Ego??? I could do it I could go on and on about this man but- asdfghjkl- I'm controlling myself! mostly bc i don't wanna share my weird husband shhh that's not the point shhh he's my ugly little greenbean

i blame my friend on the niko bullshit!! she went on about how perfectly he'd fit that pervy hentai protagonist who like- steals panties- and cries when he gets caught and all that bullshit?? now I can't unsee it?? he's so stealing panties and putting under his pillow to sleep with only to make up a loud sob story when he gets caught. He's a perv and now I can't unsee it and I hate it 😩

really you have the problem of conflicting timezones?? I'm genuinely surprised bc like- everyone I talk to is like bare minimum in Europe and further over as I sit my lonely self in the United States. Count your blessings bc at least you don't live in the States we're awful 😂 we can be opposite timezone buddies like long drawn out lovers from two forlorn families writing drawn out poetic letters to each other to be sent by snail mail as we try to survive the black plague! or you know...something like pen pals 😂

my peanut brain suffers with subbed I can't look at the animation and take in what they're saying T^T I did it with Jujutsu Kaisen when it came out and can honestly say I don't recall anything I watched bc I was reading subs. RIP this is why I have to read the mangas </3 Oh but Mob is so good!!! It's one of my favorites and my comfort animes I can't tell you how many times I've watched it?? I think like- seven times? Eight times? Easing your way into the list makes Mob Psycho a good starter. But no seriously I cannot stress it enough how much I love Fire Force. Plus cursed knowledge, English dubbed Ego is Fire Forces main character and he is a cinnamon roll of a good boy and a total 180 of Ego's character 😂 Equal parts blessed and cursed when you hear Ego being a good boy

a lot of them look dead inside but dying so hard at gagamaru being put in the dead eye category?? my wife is in love with him so now I'm dying over the dead eye thing 😂 tbh they're so many characters I still have to look back and know who's who

you will find out I can't keep my mouth shut so if you get me talking I will put in that much effort 😂 But actually sweet I'm not 25 I'm 27 (had to double check with my wife I lost track) So the five years of hairdressing isn't too out there but I did pick it up after two yrs of college when I dropped out bc US education system suuuucks. Love hair but covid made people entitled shitheads and didn't want to spend nine hours a day with jackasses to come home to a baby so I just swapped entitled costumers to an entitled baby XD

haikyuu is...cute. like- ok i dont really do slice of life animes and heavily dont do sports anime (haikyuu and blue lock are literally the only ones) but Haikyuu is definitely not the same as Blue Lock. They spend a lot of time explaining how the game works where as Blue Lock its kinda "you know how soccer works or sucks to be you" which I like bc the one thing I do get tired with haikyuu is the over explanation of things. It's a cute show though! I could only watch it once thru but its fun when you haven't watched it before

UGH IM SO WORRIED OVER WHO IS GONNA PLAY RIN I'VE BEEN CHEWING MY NAILS OVER IT- Their casting director has been so good so?? Like?? I know it'll be good but at the same time?? I'm still so worried?? I mean- They convinced me to love Ego even after knowing who his VA was (and what I watched him previously in was NOT anything like his Ego role) but still- Rin's my baby?? Rin's my little bratty temper tantrum baby i wanna smoosh?? He has to be perfect?? More so than anyone else?? Pleading with the casting gods Rin sounds good or I will sob 😭 And I'm like- Have no idea are they doing 12 episode season or a 24 episode season. I need answers T^T

pls send me Rin thirsts I can't shut the fuck up about him

[grievingchild]

(i love you) (-and) 

(maybe i’m being conceited, narcissistic, self-obsessed) (nothing new) (and you’re not talking to or about me) (but--if you are)

(i reiterate- i love you- but)

would you ever really i mean really of left   him  for me    i watch each of us blanket ourself in the story that makes it easier   to sleep at night to pick up the phone   to say  hello to write each other letters  in the way  that girls write each other letters in the movies but they  are just friends  always just friends you know he knows   we are just friends  i hurt you too, i know i hurt you, too. i know i hurt you 200x, too. a 1,000x, too. a million.   i think you think i don’t think about it.   but it   hurt too. i will always dream of you, but it has always felt more real .., as that. as only that. because one time we got too close  and that time, perhaps i have twisted the  imagery in my head. but i thought you said no. no, not with words, but with  h im. and i don’t  resent you for that. i resent me. because he’s warm. he will always be warm. you have a hundred homes i watch  you   you have the forest, you have the sea, you have him   you have books,  magic   and you have  me. i know that that is true. and i know we can all only exist in the ways that we can all exist, simultaneously, in the ways that we are. and i just want you safe. i will only ever just want you to safe. and i am always an open mouth, wet, warm but i have daggers and you and i both know i will always have daggers, no matter how much sweetness is still left, rotting. and i know you’re one of the only ones who still believes in it, thinks you can still taste it. the sweetness you always find a way to dig me out of the rot. i think you trust me, but i’ve bit down too hard too many times,    oh you more than anyone. i know you love me more than anyone else has probably ever loved me, .. is Able to love me. and i worry so often it is wrong and i have killed you before. and maybe that’s why you keep the distance that you keep. because if you let yourself Love me in the way we are so prone to so often fall so deeply back into... maybe you fear the day you will look at me and no longer be able to Love me, because you know what loving me... Does to a person. I know, I know. we are boomerangs, you promise me. I know what we could of been, could you really think I don/t I would be lying if I said I didn’t still think about it, when you smile a certain way. the way you piece your words together and honor me by placing them in my hands, and only mine. When you tell me your dreams, when I think about what it feels like when you send me a song, just for me. to be someone’s diary, the way it felt how physical the cavern was when I was without you, shining lights around, every night where have I ended up what is now Missing? Empty. Empty. Empty. how remarkable how it was when you returned, the remarkable amount of space such a tiny fucking thing creates and radiates. and maybe that’s why I keep my distance. We lie without speaking , yet There is no honesty like yours but maybe you are right, “I am never ready.” “It’s never the right time.” I don’t remember saying this, but I’m sure I did if without words  right? was it you, or was it me? has it always been mutual? Is this a lie I tell myself to excuse everything? that I have been telling myself? we have fun until we dance too close? too close. metaphorically, symbolically literally.  I get scared and I bite. we cry & we hide. I hate hurting you, I do it anyways. do I? still? i don’t know that I know it  I am hurt, and when I am  I don’t tell you.you are braver than you know   i still get weird when I hear his name, but I love him, I do, I want to, I think I do because I love you, and you love him, and that makes me happy. I love him, I do. and he's a good person, no. he’s a great person. and I love him as a person, it sounds like I’m trying to convince myself, but I do. I do love him.. But there will always be a wound there, that is sopping, buried. Always. Always. Always. but it’s mostly covered now. But we still refrain from being in the same room with each other, it seems, or is it just me? maybe him, less so now, or it just me? because he knows he won,. And I know too. 

you shouldn't feel guilty. although I do. I never know what’s hurting you what’s hurting period. and if you weren’t talking about me, Well.

Now you know.

you remember when you told me you still wanted children? i wonder what you saw in my eyes

when you tell me how you’re gonna get married and move to Seattle like you always dreamed of

how evil it feels to feel the way that I do for someone I’ve spent 13 years with...  to be so happy, so happy, so happy, for you. To see you getting everything you have ever wanted

and to have it hurt. in my heart. because there are no more dreams.

or maybe the dreams are safer then? We can't have it all

i know i like things that are always just out of reach

bittersweet

it is so funny to hear you saying what I say to myself...... about us... mirrored. where does the truth lie in ruins?

We don’t drink together anymore because I don’t know how to not want to kiss you in the bathroom, and you don’t either. we never make it out of a night together alone, safely. There is always something left unsaid and never enough time. There is nobody who is as honest with me as you, + a mask, + a mask, + a mask. It terrifies me the image of you no longer facing me in my memories

We don’t drink together anymore because I’m not allowed to drink and if we don’t drink together and I see you, I will still, more than likely, feel everything that I always do, and I will have no excuse to fall back on, sober.

what happened?

i love u my little lion, 

always

I’m sorry that I couldn't just inhibit the void ghost space that I usually do and keep going and kept what I saw and hold it close to me, silently 

like I always do

pretend that I didn’t hear what I heard and felt what I feel

this isn’t the smart move

maybe i’m just being self destructive

can never quite tell the difference between self-love and self-harm

it’s always just been a dream, right? it never could of really been, right? I know we love to live in far away lands, and we chase them. I know I’m always in motion, how many times have we tried, right? How many times have we..... really... tried

I know you have. 

if only we could just stay there, forever a little longer, safe, in our heads

are we talking to each other or ourselves?

“It could have been so easy.  But it wouldn't have been right, would it? At least not now, everything is different, we are different. But sometimes it still hurts.”

never easy. I took too long. Never right, I took too long. At least not now..  Everything is different, we are different.  But sometimes it still hurts.

[aaviav]

🎄HAPPY HOLIDAYS, GUYS!! 🎄 2020 was quite a year for everyone, man. i'm so glad i decided to rejoin tumblr and because of that, i got to meet some super cool people. and i drew a fair amount of handsome 2D boys!! things slowed down in the last few months but i hope i'll learn to juggle uni and personal drawing better soon. fingers crossed 🤞

there was this post where people mentioned the ones they’re thankful for in 2020 and well... i thought it’d be nice to give a couple of shoutouts myself. “you”, you ask, “the one who is terrible at words and also expressing their feelings?” yes, absolutely. (also aaa thank u to @/otonymous @/scummy-writes  for tagging me back then ; ; )

TIME TO TEST THE LIMITS OF HOW MANY PEOPLE I CAN TAG?

@op-peccatori nanaaaaaaaaaa ;__; 💖 i'm so so glad i got to start talking to you this past year. i feel like we can relate on a lot of things, and somehow a few short sentences always evolve into walls of text???? like. bruh. how. 💀 💀 i know i take a while to respond sometimes but getting to read your replies is a joy every time. hope you're doing ok and please give Theo lots of kisses from me HAHA  💖

@beni-draw-ikemen-please BENIIII you're The Sweetest Ever™ 🥺 i mean it!! you're also so genuine and v v fun to talk to, i hope we get to do that more often in the future! ; v ; thank you for sharing your thirst and wonderful art with us all. ALSO ALSO: don't forget to take care of yourself. OR ELSE 😤 sending lots of virtual hugs your way! 💖 💖

@scummy-writes we're both shy beans but whenever i see you around or on on the occasional messages to eachother, you're The Sweetest Ever™ #2 🥺 for 2021 (and beyond) i wish you more confidence in yourself and your writing, because you're amazing! sometimes u just gotta channel ur inner Shea LaBeouf and Just Do It! i believe in u!!!! 💖

@littlegrrl7 hi! i appreciate you and the things you make!!! a lot!!!! you're a fic writing machine, haha. yours were the first longfics that i read and honestly, your writing is so engaging in that you keep it interesting and it's also fun and easy to read and with a healthy dose of smut cough cough. thank you for sharing! 🥰

@dear-mrs-otome Mrs O! i might or might not have been slightly intimidated at first hahah orz ANYWAY our Best Boi venn diagram might have the thinnest overlap ever but thank you for the support all the same, and i'll also always BE thankful for Drained Dry which feels like a sorta ikevamp themed discord home for me 🥺 🥺

@maanawa HELLO U!! thank u for becoming my first penpal in years!! 🥰 for some reason u always seem like such a unique person to me?? if u put a gun to my head and asked why, i wouldn't be able to answer bc i have no idea, but like. i mean it in the best way 0: 👌  

@hideoutpastel HI PASTEL, i'm glad i get to interact with u a bit more bc of twitter! u are a delight!! 😤 also i think u already know but like. ur art is so ✨ sparkly ✨ and bright and beautiful ok. kthx #bless 

@yenanng i might not always reply or interact, but seeing your twt updates is somehow v cool haha. i hope you get to rest and work on personal art soon! i'm cheering u on!!! \o/ 💖

@nan-chi @weird-profiterole HI HI! 🥰 we haven't talked to eachoter much but you guys seem super genuine and fun, i hope we get to interact more in the future!! also your art is so cute i cri 😭💖

@mikotomizuki LEO HOES UNITE 🤝 🤝 thank you for being hilarious and bringing your tiddy memes everywhere you go LMAO. let's keep our fingers crossed for more amazing Leo content in 2021 🤞💖

@pseudofaux you are delightful!! thank you for all the support always. you're an angel and we don't deserve you 😭💖 (also hello ur writing skills? y e s)

@pickle-scribbles Faa, I LIVE FOR YOUR THIRST COMMENTS. SERIOUSLY HAHA. and i die bc of your masterful smut 😭 just,, thank you 🥺💖

@otonymous i've probably mentioned this before but your fics were one of the first ones i read when i got back into tumblr, and honestly? what an amazing author to start with. #thepowerofthirst 💀 i kinda stopped consuming MLQC content so i haven't kept up w everything you put out but i know that you're still AMAZING and also so funny and just. 10/10 man 

@tacogawa @savourthelittlethings u guys are just. so cool!!!!! that's all thank u for coming to my ted talk 🥰

@akirafanarts ​ hi!! i haven’t forgotten u!! hope you’ve been doing ok!! 💖

@meowlayn-art you are v sweet! your art is gorgeous! and your OCs are amazing!! 🥺 i'm cheering for you! 💖

@incorrect-ikevamp-quotes​ a lil random but like. thank you for your insights on a bunch of idiots under one roof aka the ikevamp boys!! 💖 and also for the Top Notch 11/10 memes. bless  🙏 🙏

special shout out to everyone on Drained Dry that i haven't yet mentioned, u guys are v cool ; v ; 💖

and lastly, thank you to everyone who liked, reblogged or interacted with my posts or just took a second to appreciate my art, really. drawing 2D boys is a joy, and i'm glad if it brings even the tiniest bit of happiness into other people's lives too! you guys are the best 💖💖💖