#you will probably never read this

[nightgnome]

it's cruel, how your heartbreak is endless, a knife with a halflife that never stops cutting.

you never wanted anyone to love you, or so you said. you never wanted anyone to love you, until your hands were around my throat and you were choking me and you whispered that it was ok if i wanted to say those words, if i wanted you, it was ok, if it was me and it was you.

you were my friend. my lover. my confidante. it was you and me against the world, until it was just me. and you were gone. just gone. and even now it seems there are new ways you find to break my heart, even without trying, even without realizing what you've done.

i think you run away from the pain because you cant deal with the consequences. i think you wish nothing hurt me at all so that you didnt have to fear it. but you did. you hurt me. you hurt me and i wanted so badly to forgive you, because you wanted me to love you. in our secret places, you whispered that it was ok if *i* loved you. and i do. i cant stop. even as the knife keeps twisting inside of me even as i see how bad you were for me, i cant stop wishing and hoping that some day i will wake up and-- i dont even know what i want. part of me wants you gone.

but, in truth, i just miss my kindred spirit, my bosom friend. i miss the tens of thousands of messages that we've sent. i miss the hours of staying up late watching you play videogames as i drifted off to sleep. i miss ranting with you about bullshit things. i miss being the person you came to for grounding, and you being mine.

i miss when you used to care.

[inkskinned]

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

[umblrspectrum]

i love learning cursive just to write text for exactly one character

[bookishjules]

keeping the "they'll think we're impertinent" / "i am impertinent" lines from the book???? iconic. incredible. reminded me i have never once known what impertinent means

[lucabyte]

you dream of devouring your friends whole

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Lackadaisy Enrichment

[artemismoorea03]

DPxDC Prompt: I Got You Brother

Danny has been in Gotham for a while after things went south with his parents. But that's what happens when one's parents are convinced by the G.I.W. that Phantom killed "Real Danny" and took his place as a way to fill his sick obsession of "being alive" which - they couldn't be further from the truth - but his parents were so convinced by the evidence that they refused to listen. Vlad expected Danny to go with him and when Danny refused it made part of him snap.

Danny fled from his parents, the GIW and Vlad in the dead of the night. No family, no friends, nobody knew where he was and that was how he liked it.

He lived at the cave with the bats but refused their offer to come upstairs. He knew who they were and that they were safe but he also knew that if he took one step onto that elevator they would be his family. They would be his family and he couldn't risk losing another family.

He thought that living in the cave would prevent any of them from getting attached. So quickly his schedule turned into a cycle of patrols. Start patrols, stop in for lunch, patrol until dinner, patrol until breakfast, patrol again until lunch. Repeat day in and day out.

He told the team he didn't need to sleep and told them that he was fully a 'Ghost' from another dimension. As many details as he could keep from them the better.

Or so he thought.

Until after nearly a week of these endless patrol things changed. A fight with a particularly powerful ghost had wiped him out and while he managed to stay on his feet when he tried to continue patrol his vision blurred and his transformation dropped.

And so did Danny.

Danny wasn't even aware somebody was tailing him until a thick rope wrapped around his wrist and stopped his fall. Danny swung, hitting the side of a building with a tired grunt as he looked up.

Orphan.

"New brother! Got you!" Orphan called down to him as Danny tried to get his powers to respond, desperate to do anything to protect Orphan who was sliding closer to the edge.

Spoiler showed up within seconds, grabbing Orphan's ankles just as Orphan went over the edge and Red Robin grabbed Spoiler around her ankles. Frantic shouting echoed as Nightwing grabbed Red Robin around his ribs, the weight threatening to pull them all over before Red Hood grabbed Nightwing.

Danny reached up, trying to grab the rope when another wrapped around his free wrist from next to them. Batman was there and by his side was Robin, also there to help Danny and the others up.

He hadn't wanted a family.

He had run from who he was and the ones he loved.

But he found more people to love him.

It wasn't until Signal showed up - having been alerted to the situation and called to the scene - that Danny let the tears drip down his face.

He was home.

[oseike]

Bonus after thirty minutes:

[humans-are-tasty]

inspired by this post

[thebibliosphere]

Hey, SPN folks getting heated in my inbox; I know this might be an extreme request for some of you, but you realize you can be normal about things, right?

[canisalbus]

Imagine for a moment that reincarnation is real... and now imagine senior, gray muzzle Vasco rescuing a sickly albino horse who seems very frightened and uncomfortable with the concept of being a horse. Vasco is too old and frail to ride anymore, as you've mentioned in the past if i remember correctly, but he takes this horse in.

No one at the stable can even make eye contact with this pale steed without its ears pinning back and its eyes threatening to bulge out of its head. However, Vasco visits every day he is physically able to, so he can gently comb its mane and tail and handfeed it oats and hay, since it refuses to eat otherwise.

Vasco doesn't give the horse a name, but in a voice soft enough for the two of them to hear, he calls it various old pet names only he should know. He swears the horse's eyes light up at his words despite not fully believing the possibility.

Regardless, they comfort each other.

.

[puppyeared]

i like him

[realpokemon]

You must get a lot of asks, how do you decide which ones to answer?

‎

[emergingghost]

julien baker live lyric changes masterpost

the many ways that julien changes her lyrics over time and seamlessly alters the lyrics and meanings of her songs to maintain a level of personal authenticity has become so fascinating to me and many others so i thought it'd be nice to do some research and compile as many as i can. enjoy! or cry! whichever!

the original lyrics are in parenthesis, changes are bolded, roughly in chronological order and i’ve added timestamped links to performances [x] where i can! i use mostly youtube because it's the most accessible. some of these seem to be permanent changes and others are just occasional, probably depending on how she's vibing with the song at the time (i'm assuming). let me know of any i’ve missed!

Rejoice: [x] [x] [x] pronoun change, does this lots! "i know there's a god and they hear either way" ("i think there's a god and he hears either way") [x] she uses the 'she' pronoun here this time! [x] she sings 'force' here and also in a version she performed pre-release "asking why did you let them leave and then force me to stay?" ("asking why did you let them leave and then make me stay?")

Good News: [x] [x] [x] these are not full lyric changes but rather some gut-wrenching repetition. side note she performs a cover of paul by big thief in the first clip here too! "it's less about you / it's all about how i ruin everything oh everything i do / everything i do / god i ruin everything oh everything / oh everything i think could be good news." ("it's less about you / it's more about how i ruin everything--- i think could be good news")

Distant Solar Systems: [x] pronoun change speaking of god, she also omits the second last verse. "I send postcards from the road and now and then she answers" ("and now and then he answers")

Turn Out the Lights: [x] [x] [x] this one hurts! a few times in late '18 and in '19 "maybe i'd do it but it's not a joke" ("i'd never do it but it's not a joke")

Sour Breath: [x] [x] another one that hurts!! "think all the liquors gonna keep me warm / burn everything down just to prove i could / leave you inside a body made of wood" ("think all the liquors gonna keep you warm / burn everything down just to prove you could / leave me inside a body made of wood") [x] audio only from 1:16 (same changes as above +) "i don't do too well when everyone's worried about me" ("i don't do too well when nobody's worried about me")

Appointments: [x] [x] [x] in lots of performances post-2018. she switches between using 'know' and 'think' occasionally “i know that i ruined this / but i think i can live with it / nothing turned out how pictured it ... i think that i failed again / but i know you’re still listening” ("i think if i ruin this / that i know i can live with it / nothing turns out like I pictured it ... i think if i fail again / then i know you’re still listening") [x] audio only - from 2:45 (same changes as above +) "i hope you're still listening" ("i know you're still listening")

Happy to Be Here: [x] tiny changes. not sure if she's done this more than once "different me would be inhabiting my body / have two cars, a garage, a dog..." ("different me would be inhabiting this body / have two cars, a garage, a job...")

Something: [x] [x] [x] [x] (she adds 'again' a lot, even since 2015) “asking aloud why you’re leaving again” (“asking aloud why you’re leaving--”) [x] (this was prior to release) "asking aloud why you're leaving again / i know you won't answer me" ("asking aloud why you're leaving --- / but the pavement won't answer me")

Red Door: [x] "beneath before you won't follow me down" ("beneath before you wont follow me there")

Shadowboxing: [x] [x audio only - from 3:09] "tell me that you love me / tell me you love me / i wanted so bad to believe you / so tell me you loved me / tell me you loved me / i wanted so bad to believe you" ) ("when you tell me you love me / tell me you loved me / i wanted so bad to believe it / so tell me you love me / tell me you loved me")

Ziptie: [x] [x] [x] [x] (side note the end of the second clip rules!!) “someone’s/somethings got my heart in a ziptie” (“someone’s got my head in a ziptie”)

Tokyo: [x] [x] [x audio only - from 1:30] in a few performances in 2022 “a seven-car pile-up of every disastrous thing that i am" (“a seven-car pile-up of every disastrous thing that i’ve been”) + also sings "accident" instead of "aftermath" in the audio clip

Relative Fiction: [x] [x] [x] [x] does this lots! "honey you're the only thing i'll wait around for" ("--you’re the only thing i’ll wait around for")

Highlight Reel: [x] [x audio only from 1:45 ] original chorus lyrics are 'you feel' but now in one chorus she sings 'to' and the other she sings 'you' "ooh it's a highlight reel / tell me how to feel" ("ooh it's a highlight reel / tell me how you feel")

Ringside: [x] [x] [x audio only from 3:50] two separate lyrics changes in these clips! "like a scratch-off ticket how i dig my nails into your skin" ("like a scratch-off ticket how you dig your nails into my skin")

(from final verse) “nobody deserves a second chance / so why do i keep getting them?” (“nobody deserves a second chance / but i keep giving them”) [x] [x] (from the second last verse) “nobody deserves a second chance / but somehow i keep fucking getting them” (“nobody deserves a second chance / but honey i keep getting them") Anti-Curse: [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] she doesn't always change 'foreign characters' "writing the words to the best love song you've ever heard" ...“sounding out familiar characters” ("writing the words to the worst love song you've ever heard"...“sounding out the foreign characters”)

Favor: [x] [x] [x] [x] first change - changing to 'why?' in most live performances “why couldn’t you make me do it?” (“well you couldn’t make me do it”) [x] [x] new change from MSG in 2023! “how did you make me do it?” (“well you couldn’t make me do it”)

HONOURABLE MENTIONS:

Funeral Pyre: [x] this is just a funny thing i found on my hunt. the audience accidentally corrected her grammar, theyre singing along and sing "needed so badly" instead of the original "needed so bad" and everyone took a lil' moment to laugh. Funeral Pyre: allegedly. i just read about it somewhere so have no proof!! “while i drank gasoline 'cause it's what i needed so bad” (“while you drank gasoline 'cause it's what you needed so bad”) Shadowboxing: [x] she doesn't really change any lyrics significantly but repeats the final verse for emphasis.

Good News: [x] (i think an early/demo version but i cant find any other recordings/videos of this version!) "how i fuck up everything i think could be good news" ("how i ruin everything i think could be good news") Rejoice: [x] house show performance from 2015 before official release. a few different lyrics! "ask you why did you let them leave and then force me to stay?" ("asking why did you let them leave and then make me stay?") (final verse) "i rejoice anyway / i rejoice either way" ("i rejoice i rejoice / i rejoice i rejoice") Sour Breath: [x] she added a new mini verse repeating "the harder i swim" where there are usually just instrumentals or 'oohs.' then she continued with the original final "the harder i swim the faster i sink" verse.

Sour Breath: [x] house show performance from 2015 before official release. there's an entire additional verse where the repeated 'the harder i swim the fast i sink' usually is. proceed with caution. "...too late to talk just go to sleep been up too long and you've been drinkin' all night it's almost a week and you haven't said a word been thinkin' it isn't worth the tryin' it takes to fix everything you hate about me all that you wouldn't wanna see

the harder i swim, the faster i sink and all i ever wanted was to pull you down with me was to pull you down with me don't you wanna sink with me? don't you wanna drown with me? just let me pull you down..."

[sincerelymarner]

credits: on the bus with cammi & aj / cbc / espn / please look after mom, kyung-sook shin

[spriteofmushrooms]

The interesting thing about Jiang Cheng is that he refuses to be his mother's golden child to Wei Wuxian's scapegoat; he actively chooses Wei Wuxian again and again. He defends Wei Wuxian from her until she dies. It's unusual.

This doesn't mean that Wei Wuxian's experience was any less fraught--being hated by a caretaker is awful even if everyone else loves you. But it was an interesting choice by MXTX.