#bc the only readon i finally DID was my friends sat me down and forced me to do it with them nearby | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

oflgtfol · 1 year

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also i finally made my first step towards talking to counseling on campus. this shit is so bs because they say first steps: book an appointment on the website or call us. but rhe website doesnt work. so youre forced to call. and then they wont even let you book an appointment the first time you call the first call is just to get your information then you have to csll back the next day. Like what

#brot posts #so despite finally calling after months of saying i would and then Not #i dont even feel like i madd progress #bc the only readon i finally DID was my friends sat me down and forced me to do it with them nearby #and now i havr to call back tomorrow monring ???#like as if i’ll remember? or want to when my friends arent forcing me to?#so until tomorrow i dont feel like i even accomplishee snything 🙄#anyway i told my friends im suicidal and it sounds so underwhelming when i try to explain ir in words 👍#have never done therapy before so idk whst to expect #but i cant wait to make it seem so underwhelming and downplay every mental agony ive been experiencing for the past. year and a half 👍#part of it is bc i just talk really monotone so saying ‘well i hate admitting this out loud but ive been suicidal’ in a flat voice is. well #idk i just feel so stupid like when it gets really bad i feel like im in like. a funhouse like im just twisting and turning and everything #looks bad st all angles and i cant escape #and then i inevitably have to break out of it for whatever reason whether thats going to sleep or going to class or going to work #and then when im out of it its like. well im fine now :/#idk it just feels like im blowing things out of proportions. every single time #but then yknow i inevitably get bad again and its like bangs my head into the wall #rinse and repeat endless cycle of ‘oh my god the agonies are endless’ and ‘well im actually totally fine :/ im just being stupid’#so making an appointment while im currently levelheaded just feels so. stupid #its like going to the doctor for a cold or something but of course when youre there you dont cough or sneeze or anything so its like oh god #‘im here becsuse i have a bad cough’ <- has not coughed at all the entire time in the doctors office

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