#bcs i've always been an emotional person. i've always loved and cared deeply & that won't ever change.

[noxtivagus]

fiction 🫶🏼

[olivieblake]

hellllllllo olivie, congratulations on like all the good things that have been happening that i haven't congratulated you on yet!!! i have an emotional issue :(

so i broke up with my boyfriend last thursday because he is unfortunately a grade A dick, and I'm not entirely sure if I'm supposed to feel more or less upset than I do? Bc I'm quite alright most of the time, and sometimes I catch myself missing him, but then I'll see him talking to people on a shared groupchat we're both in and just get taken out by feeling somehow both ignored and replaced? Both of which are huge triggers for me for a lot of reasons, but also are the reasons I broke up with him in the first place - he ignored me for two weeks and obstructed every attempt I made to speak to him, and then whenever I did see him he made really cruel comments about my mental health issues and struggles with emotional honesty (and also paid faaaaaaaaar too much attention to another person). At first it really upset me, but then after a few days I got used to it and I was able to deal with it better, but talking to my friends made me realise I realllllllly shouldn't have to 'get used' to being neglected and mistreated by someone who claims that I'm the love of his life. (Spoiler alert: I'm clearly not lol)

After a few days of putting up with his behaviour and giving him the benefit of the doubt bc he's going through some stuff with his father rn, I did break up with him, which I think I'm dealing pretty well with so far.

The relief of not having to deal with feeling like an afterthought to him is definitely getting me through a lot of it, but I still care about him and it annoys me that I still dont know what I did to make him turn against me so suddenly. Up until two weeks ago, he was almost a perfect gentleman, apart from what I've come to realise was him pushing me to be emotionally honest in ways I'm really not comfortable with.

The whole point of this rambling is basically that I don't know if he's ever going to apologise for mistreating me, or whether he even realises that's what he did, but I still feel really hurt and upset and I want him to feel the same way. I don't hate him or want him to suffer, but I want him to feel my absence if that makes sense.

At the end of the day I am willing to forgive him if he apologises, but I could only ever be friends with him after this. I sincerely hope he has a good life, but it won't be with me.

asdfghjkl reading back i have realised that I do not in fact have A Point to this ask, and yet here i am. alas, the woes of emotional entanglements lmao

i think what I really want to know is do you have any advice for either a) speedrunning the five stages of grief so im fine quicker or b) how to get to a point where i'm not deeply triggered by seeing him talk to other people

in his (limited) defence, i don't think even he knows why we broke up (his mother has mentioned that she thinks he's equally confused), but as he's not attempting to reach out and explain himself as of yet, im not going to put up with him and I stand by my decision

anywayyyyyyy

men am i right 🙄

well wishes to you and your family <33

lol 🙄 lovely to see you as always, with or with out your entanglements. answered in this video!

[alliterative-albatross]

So, I sent you (@disgruntledspacedad) a pretty long ask a while ago (back when you had anon on) and I'm decently sure Tumblr ate it (or maybe you ignored it, in which case, feel free to ignore this one as well). But then I saw one of those "writers appreciate feedback no matter how long" posts, so I'm back here. Here is my mediocre attempt to rewrite my original review of your work. Bear in mind that English is not my first language, so if at any point my phrasing sounds weird to you, you know why. Mandatory disclaimer/apology: this might get a little too long 😅

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

I remember being SO mad at myself for not finding this sooner. I binge read it one afternoon with no thoughts for any real life responsibilities I might have had (and no regrets). Javiears is one hell of an unconventional relationship in the beginning, and I really love what you did with them. The whole premise of your story is quite refreshing, and you somehow manage to convey the trust and mutual respect there two feel for one another without explicitly showing us the beginning of their "entanglement".

Also, fuck you for what you did to poor Emilio, that man was a saint and he deserved better! I honestly can't believe that I got so attached to a character that appeared so little in the story, but it happened, and his death kind of broke my heart.

But the Javiears reunion + mild confession was lovely, and felt completely deserved. And of course the sex scene. I won't lie, I expected a bit better from Javi there, but I did like how utterly /human/ it was. Capturing that humanity, the imperfections in each character is something you're really good at (more on that later).

AFTERSHOCKS

Ah, my emotionally constipated babies who really need to work out their communication issues. I do love them, though. And this short series did a really good job of delving a bit deeper into Ears's and Javi's psyche. Kudos to you for dealing with the medical "aftershocks" of living through an explosion AND using that experience to move your emotional plot forward. These two need to grow a lot before they can get to a stable point in their relationship, and you really manage to convey their insecurity and fear of commitment/intimacy while making it clear that they're in it for the long run and that theirs is a relationship that WILL work out so help them God.

IF I FALL

Ouch. Punch me in the gut while you're at it, why don't you?

But seriously, "If I Fall" is SO FUCKING GOOD. Don't get me wrong, it's angstier than an image of Jesus on the cross (don't judge me, it's Holy Week and I just got home from accompanying my grandma to church), but it somehow works beautifully. You, my dear, play heartstrings like they're a fucking guitar and I AM HERE FOR IT.

You're doing an amazing job at making me feel everything these characters are feeling, which is both awful (bc pain) and impressive.

Also, if anything happens to Ana I will cry, because she is adorable and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Also also, if anything happens to Ears I will cry, because she is badass and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Also also also, if anything happens to Javi I will cry, because he is loving and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Basically, I am really invested in the well-being of these characters and can't wait until they're happy and safe again (please tell me they will be, my heart can't handle much more pain).

A quick note on the angst complaints: yes, this story is way angstier than most other fics out there and it can be a bit too much at times, especially considering how many chapters of pain it's been. BUT it's obvious that "If I Fall" NEEDS this amount of angst to get where it's going, to send the message it wants to and to properly develop its characters. The pain is as important to this story as flour is to bread. You may not like eating flour on its own (I don't think anyone does), but you love bread (because bread is amazing) and you must recognize that bread NEEDS flour to work. It wouldn't be bread otherwise. And eating the flour as part of the bread even makes you like the flour because the bread is just DELICIOUS.

I fully understand and sympathize with the people who have elected to table "If I Fall" until it's completed so they can binge read it knowing there's a happy ending in sight, but in case you're feeling a bit self conscious about all the angst, please know that your story is beautiful not in spite of the pain, but rather /because of it/.

PS: No, I'm not high/drunk, I just really like bread

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Silly thing to comment on, I know, but I do feel like it's important that you know how useful your ANs have been. There are many details in the story that I simply wouldn't fully get without reading your comments at the end of each chapter, and I appreciate your writing a hell of a lot more knowing how deeply you understand and care for each one of your characters. Plus, it is obvious how much work you've put into researching a country and a time period that are (from what I gather) unfamiliar to you, and I really do believe you've done an amazing job of it.

JAVIER PEÑA

My boy. I love your characterization of this complicated character, and I have eagerly read each and every one of your headcanons about him. I can't really say if your version is fully faithful to the source material because it's been a while since I saw Narcos, but your Javi most definitely reads like a real person. He's fairly consistent as a character, and I feel like everything he does is perfectly natural for him to do as a character. He makes for an unconventional yet deeply interesting romantic lead, and so far I have thoroughly enjoyed all his POV chapters/scenes.

OCs

I know you've gotten some flack for making her into an OC halfway into the story, and while I get why the sudden change may have felt like a disappointment for some, I don't share that sentiment. I firmly believe that this fandom is unfairly harsh towards Original Characters and their creators, and I don't really understand why. Listen, I love Reader fics, and consume many Reader fics. I have read dozens, maybe even hundreds, and I can safely say that I've only ever "inserted" myself in approximately 10% of those stories. Reader characters are not as blank as their writers may want them to be. They can't be. They're characters, and character have personalities and moral values and senses of humor and a bunch of other things. Reader characters may not have a backstory or a physical description attached (and even that's not guaranteed), but they're still characters.

And on a more personal note, pretending they're actual blank slates is naive at best and insensitive at worst. Reader characters are American coded 99% of the time, and white coded 95% of the time. Not every readers is white nor American, even if that's the predominant demographic on Tumblr. When I read a JavixReader fic about a woman who speaks exactly zero Spanish, I know she's not me. The story may be beautifully written and have an amazing plot and character development, but the Reader *isn't me*. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and some of my favorite xReader stories feature a "reader" who couldn't be more different from me, but it's something that enemies of OC fics should take into account. Particularly if they are white and/or American. But I digress.

HANNAH AARONS

Your character is amazing. She's strong, smart, confident, independent and an all-around badass. She gets kidnapped while pregnant and still focuses on problem solving and survival. But she's also overly guarded and mistrustful, and really needs to work on her communication skills. There are times when I absolutely love her and even admire her, and other times when I want to whack her with a slipper. She's no Mary Sue, but remains interesting and likeable throughout the story. She feels wholly human and real, and that's no easy task. I like her, I am invested in her, and I can't wait to see what's next for her. She's a compelling and three dimensional protagonist in a complex story who never fails to draw me in. I love her. She's your baby, and you should be proud of her.

Also, quick question about personality types: I know you've typed Javi as ESFP and Ears as ENTP (100% agree on both, btw), but have you given any thought to their enneagram types? I personally have always seen Ears as being somewhere on the thinking triad, maybe a 7 or even a 6w7, but I'm not too sure about Javi. 9w8 maybe? He could also be a 6w5 🤔

PARTING THOUGHTS

Basically, I love your story, your characters and your writing in general. You are a fantastic storyteller and wordsmith. You get into the heads of incredibly different characters personality-wise (Ears, Javi, Berna...) and manage to capture all of their complexities and quirks every single time. And it doesn't feel like it's something innate for you either. To me, it seems that you have put a lot of work and effort into understanding each and every one of your characters, who they are, why they do what they do and what they want. And let me tell you, all that effort has been more than worth it. "Better Love" is a fanfic, but it wouldn't be out of place in a regular bookstore, if I'm honest. I don't know what you do for a living or if you've ever considered writing professionally, but you clearly have the skills and the drive to create some masterpieces.

You are amazing and your writing is a gift. Thank you for sharing it with us, and have a nice day! ~ 🍪

~

My friend, I apologize for hoarding your first ask. I’ve been sitting on it because I’m not gonna lie, I enjoy going back and rereading it. It gave me a lot of comfort when I was in a pretty dark place, both personally and in regards to my writing, and I was reluctant to send it out into the the abyss of Tumblr where I might never see it again. 

That’s not fair, though. You put just as much effort into sending me that review as I put into my writing, and I apologize for never responding to you.

Okay, anyway, so twice now, you’ve made me cry. In a good way, I promise! 

I absolutely love your bread/flour metaphor. It made perfect sense. I want the emotional release of Javi and Hannah’s reunion to be earned, and in order to do that, the angst has to come first (there are also a few plot “ingredients” that have yet to make their appearances). Thank you very much for understanding that, and for voicing it so eloquently.

I appreciate your comments on my research and characterization. You’re correct that I’ve put a lot of time and effort into crafting a universe. In a lot of ways, I’m doing my best to stay true to the source material (regarding culture and timelines in particular), and in others, I’m branching into my own territory. 

On that note, I’ve never once regretted fully embracing Hannah Aarons’ identity as an OC. She’s stayed consistent in my mind from the beginning, and it was a relief to finally share my vision of her with the audience. And for the record, I totally agree with you regarding “reader” characters. Every reader insert echoes the perspective of their author, no matter how vague the physical description. I can only imagine how grating that must be from the perspective of a non-white, non-american reader. Thank you so much for sharing your insight! I will certainly keep it in mind the next time I write a “reader insert” fic.

Okay, enneagrams! I am much less familiar with enneagram than I am MBTI, but I agree 110% that Javi is a 9 with a strong 8 wing. I waffled back and forth on Ears a little, but eventually landed on 8w7 for her. It came down to the eight’s deepest fear, which is being controlled. That’s Ears all over, and the fact that she and Javi share that eight willfulness means that they might butt heads a little, which also seems very appropriate for them. Big thanks to @remusstark for her insight into the eight frame of mind - our conversations helped solidify my decision on this. :)

Anyway, I’m just rambling now. The big take-away point that I want you to get is that I am so, so grateful to you, both for your insightful feedback and your dedication in making sure that I actually saw it. You are an absolute gem and a deep thinker, Cookie-Anon, and if you ever feel like sliding into my DM’s, I’d welcome the opportunity to get to know you better.

Mad love and soft hugs, 

~ Jay

[petekaos]

hey bro! how r u? am here today to ask ur thoughts on wyel. i might have set the bar high and now i expect a lot haha from what i've seen - and given the fact it's korean - i wouldn't erase the possibility of a bromance. but bro am i going to kill someone if they don't gimme development,, at this point i can even deal w bromance only, but i hope they won't villainize the woman and make everyone jealous. we only got 80min, give us fluffy and a well written woman character :'( - emo sis

bro, btw, there's something on my mind recently. i remember some time ago u said it would be nice to brightwin to step back from being sarawatine (smth along those lines). at that time i wasn't sure i knew why, so i just kept the info. now, after seeing brightwin and bright only 2gether reaction w jennie i am thinking bout how much they love their characters and also how close they are. i feel like win drew a clear line; he often said "tine, not win" to reinforce THAT was his character.+

on the other hand, when bright was alone he didn't seem to mind about drawing lines. he would say he was sad for wat, then he would explain what wat's feeling. if someone asked "why did u [wat] do smth" he would not draw a line as to say "i'm not him". maybe bc he doesn't care bout how others perceive this, maybe bc this is clear enough for him. nway this got me thinking, what was it that made u say they needed to step back? what details did u observe? /emo sis

hiiii my friend! i’m doing okay, how about you? so first off, where your eyes linger. i really think it’s a good show so far with the limited amount of screentime, the characters are all likable and well-written, the chemistry between the boys is off the charts, and the scenes are all well shot! honestly, it wouldn’t really bother me if it was “just a bromance” because as you said, all i want is some character development and a well written woman character. so far i’ve been liking her and i think this could go in a good direction, i don’t have too many expectations or anything, but i do think this show is very well done so far in terms of production and acting alone. we shall see how it goes, however!

and yeah, i did say that! i think i mentioned that i hoped bright specifically could take a break from being sarawat, although i definitely do think win could also benefit from trying out other roles generally. i think the big difference is in the fact that you already pointed out--win tends to separate himself and tine a bit more than bright separates himself from sarawat, leading to win being a bit more detached from tine when he’s not actively playing him, which can lessen the emotional toll it takes on someone once they need to bid farewell to their role. the thing about win and bright is that their characters are very similar to them, and these roles are their first breakthrough roles. i don’t think anyone could have predicted 2gether’s fame and success, no matter the polarised opinions on the finale. 

so, it makes sense that they get attached to their characters, and i think win is a bit more clear about the separation of himself and tine, which is why he always refers to tine as “he” and not “i” as bright does sometimes and as many other actors do. however, the reason i said that is because of the fact that win and bright are just so... similar to their characters. it can be good, because it’s easier to access and portray certain emotions, but especially in bright’s case, it can take a huge toll on the person. bright, for example, always gets into sarawat’s character really quickly, and you remember that one breakup scene where he almost cried at the thought of sarawat and tine breaking up? yeah. it affects you deeply and it becomes hard to separate yourself from the character, especially when they’ve changed your life in such a pivotal way. he’s also mentioned in jennie’s reaction video to the finale that sarawat taught him how to love a man, essentially, and that both sarawat and tine led him to the realisation that he couldn’t necessarily call himself straight. he also truly knows sarawat down to the bone, thinking about aspects of his character as well as his emotions pertaining to specific tine-centric scenes. these are all signs of an outstanding and empathetic actor, but when a character you play gets so much international recognition and has changed your life in exceedingly personal ways, the lines start blurring. win has realised this in some way or another, i think, and i believe he’s also taking a step away from tine. i just would like for them to spend some time away from their characters, because they just are so similar and it’s too easy to lose yourself in that, take it from personal experience. this is not to say that sarawat and tine have been bad for them in any way, or that they should never play them again. i think the boys could benefit from a good break before settling back into their roles if necessary.

those are just some of my baseline thoughts on that, generally! i hope this could provide some kind of insight into why i think that. i hope you’re doing well! <3