#because according to ppl i know irl even when i say something that is meant to be serious it doesn't translate well and they end up laughin

[kathuichithouda-archives]

if you don't mind me asking, what's your opinion/idea on Fuyuhiko (and Peko)'s childhood?

I just woke up so sorry if this is rambly and like, drags or dips or cuts at specific points. (this also may like, be properly updated and together in the future) Well, for starters, Fuyuhiko had a very toxic childhood and ppl need to register that. Because he was born in a yakuza, as a runt who’s also meant to lead the future of said yakuza. He was, in multiple ways, abused and saw a lot of bad things that... a child... shouldn’t see. He “normalized” the fact his parents would fight to the point they would literally try and kill each other (or threaten to.) Allegedly, I don’t know if this is true but I heard it from somewhere, they’d also target that same kind of anger and frustration towards him. He didn’t exactly have loving perfect parents. He was forcibly molded to be something. Like, I’ll remind you, Fuyuhiko was quite the crybaby as a child (which like I would be too in that situation) and evidence from Peko that he was so sensitive that Peko would scare him just by looking at him. The fact she lacked her own opinions and emotions made him really frightened of her when they were children. I’m sure a lot of yakuza members had that intimidating aura, much like Peko (who was ALSO MOLDED INTO THAT) that would just make him burst into tears. And I would imagine his family didn’t like that too much. I mean hell, they knew he was so weak and sensitive, they didn’t give him time to grow up before they made the assumption he wasn’t going to be “good enough.” Literally, he was a child when Peko started her training to be his tool. And I would imagine Fuyuhiko is not the only one with a “tool.” Fuyuhiko has seen a lot of violence and death, so much so he’s sorta desensitized to it on a level. At least, he acts like he is, so people will respect him. Fuyuhiko only acts the way he does for respect. And the only respect he needs to worry about is that of his family and his clan; the people who have controlled his entire life and one that they expect him to carry out. Fuck, even as a kid, he went out of his way to fight a fucking king monkey just to prove he was strong-- they made him feel so pathetic. And again, his family is a literal yakuza. So that’s... a major red flag. (I don’t know a lot about irl yakuzas tho... so like,,, entirely fictionally speaking.) I think in this fictional world, the yakuza are seen as less delicate and true horrors (altho in most cases publically yakuzas are sweet?? I don’t really know do forgive me Im Not In a Yakuza so I Dont Know-- Im in the middle of research tho-- ashfasf) Fuyuhiko’s childhood was far from normal, he was constantly thrown into danger with being kidnapped and witnessing fights and deaths and god knows what else has happened to him physically. He had to watch his childhood best friend be shifted and molded into some kind of monster, some sort of killing machine that probably honestly scared him to death... Peko was the only person who treated him like he had value and yet she only did it because she was conditioned to do so. He probably doesn’t feel all that great about it... but he cares for Peko a lot. As for Fuyuhiko’s little sister, I can’t say much. I know that though she and Fuyuhiko would buttheads frequently, Natsumi was proud to be Fuyuhiko’s sister. She would gloat about how he’s the Ultimate Yakuza and how she’s his Ultimate Little Sister, and how she wants to be with him every step of the way. I don’t know how Natsumi was treated during her part of the childhood, but I would assume she got around the same treatment of not most of it. Kidnappings and such probably also involved her. Natsumi was emotionally tougher than Fuyuhiko growing up, I don’t think. She didn’t cry about too much, she was actually excited to do most things Fuyuhiko was scared of. But the thing is, she’s a woman... (hear with me for a second I will explain) (According to what I’ve researched) Most women in yakuzas are housewives. Just, simple basic housewives. Or so they appear. Who you marry is an important role, (but this is speaking for women who marry men in yakuzas not women already born into them--) especially if you marry the boss himself. Women play just as an important role in yakuzas, but it’s usually (again from what i’ve seen so far I could be wrong) from behind a man. Natsumi was a woman born into the yakuza, I feel like if she were to truly be respected or take over fully, she’d need a spouse first. BUT (by that same thing I read,) if the boss dies, usually the wife takes over. So women CAN absolutely lead the yakuza. I just don’t know how it would work for the Kuzuryuu clan specifically, especially since it’s fictional and wonky as shit-- I don’t know their rules, I’m thinking it could vary-- Anyway, main point, Natsumi is sort of a disappointment cuz they probably were trying for another son to replace Fuyu all together but got Natsumi instead. At least that’s my idea of it. Because Natsumi seems pretty close to their parents?? At least, with their father... She’s probably more favored when it comes to coming between her and Fuyuhiko. (I think she was favored because she acts like a former family member? From what Fuyu has said? I forget.) tl;dr: Fuyuhiko, Natsumi and Peko has seen Hell and normalize it as it’s all they’ve ever known but from an outside or even true point of view they probably resent growing up in the conditions that they did.

[flyingcookierambles]

so i finished reading the northern caves

hey its a book ramble! after uuhhhhhh.. a year. anyways the northern caves! (https://archiveofourown.org/works/3659997/chapters/8088522)

i binged it in a whole day. and i have feelings. i think?

so ppl hyped it as a lovecraft-ish/otherworldly horror story and i think i got a bit sucked into that and let down a bit because to me the horror story wasn’t the implied dark magic connections the author had with uh. the Mundum. it was the unreliable narration and betrayal of friends. spoilers below!

so, if you’ve read the northern caves, you know what the Mundum is. it was just kinda introduced as some mystical thing in the universe that the author believed in. whether or not it was real was kinda left open ended i think.

if you for some reason haven’t read the northern caves (which will just be either the caves or tnc for typing speed’s sake), it’s about a group of online friends in a 2004 internet forum dedicated to a children’s book series called Chesscourt by Leonard Selby. the author died before he could publish his final book, The Northern Caves. thankfully, one of the ppl in the forums, metamarsh, is actually distantly related to the author, and in the event of leonard selby’s death and then marsh’s aunt’s death (i think she was selby’s sister or something), marsh’s family got all the belongings of leonard selby. all his journals, notes, and unpublished works left behind. TNC was one of them. marsh (or his aunt or some other relative) scanned the pages and released it online ig sometime before the story. and so the events of Spelunk 04! starts, in which the friend group of this forum plans an irl meet up at marsh’s house so they can go over the author’s belongings and try to make sense of tnc. tnc is, to put simply, a mess. there’s lucid parts and non-lucid parts, by which i mean that there’s entire pages of nonsense and also it’s mentioned that there are 3 entire pages that are just the letter “a.” this can easily be dismissed as the writings of a senile old man, until the revelation of the Mundum (mentioned above) comes up. 

then things so super wrong. 

so, the entire story is a “report” by a man on the forums named Paul. his handle is GlassWave. he is a person who went to Spelunk 04! and is part of the reason why the meeting went so wrong. around the part where the journals abt the Mundum come up, he totally gets into it. the narration around this part gets uh. kinda creepy. it also definitely doesnt help that there were drugs involved - adderall.

so uh. basically. paul and another guy, Arron/Errent Knight, get the Mundum. they dont understand why their friends dont understand it. the solution according to paul? put adderall into the coffee and stay up for 60 hours straight reading tnc in a group circle.

yeahhhhh.

so i personally wasnt super scared abt the entire lovecraft-ish/other worldly implications of mundum being real or not. it was the paul’s state of mind when he spiked the coffee with drugs. it was the entire betrayal thing. 

i personally haven’t really had the entire internet friends experience bc im p shy irl and online. i dont usually go talk to strangers in chatrooms/discord or anything. also stranger danger lol.

but i hear a bunch of stories abt that kind of stuff, the early 2000′s internet experience before ppl had more awareness of internet stranger danger. also i’ve been watching and reading abt a lot of internet drama thru commentary channels i watch nowadays (therightopinion is p good), and uh the whole parasocial relationship thing (so ive seen it be described as) is on my mind a lot now. since we view ppl as relatable and feel like we know them. now, of course, there’s a difference in the personal experience one can have between a youtuber or internet celeb and a person on an interactive forum/social media platform. i would think that more interactive platforms like forums or discourd would feel more personal to some than a celebrity but still. 

the entire narration of paul’s during the spiking the coffee scene was so rational-seeming to him. and then the betrayal that his friends, the ones at Spelunk 04! and online felt hit me. like, i’ve never personally experienced that kind of betrayal since i dont have internet/stranger friends, but still i think it’s really relevant now. on the 26th chapter (2nd to last), the forum comments of JimWind and Sally’s Lil Sis hit especially hard. 

JimWind:

Wow. Wowwowow. I just finished reading the whole thing through the latest bit GW's posted. I had heard things about Spelunk 04 having something to do with restaurant workers dying, but I just figured that was a baseless rumor because it seemed so hard to understand how that could have happened. But what really shocks me here isn't even that, it's the fact that GlassWave dosed his/our friends with hard drugs. (Adderall is just prescription amphetamine, AKA speed! WTF!!!) "GlassHole" indeed! TBH it really makes me uncomfortable with GW and getting this whole story from him. Of course when I first read this

“maybe not even the other forum members, not even the best among them, not even Jim, say”

I was flattered, especially cause GW's always seemed like one of the sharpest and nicest posters around these parts (until now!!). But now it kinda makes me sick to my stomach. I don't want this guy to think I'm one of the "best" Cafe people. And I'm holding back judgment on all this Spelunk nonsense until I hear about it from someone WHO ISN'T GLASSWAVE. (Plus, this is stupid, but there's something that makes it even worse about the fact that the diner has my name :P) No matter how you slice it, it's a sad day for the Cafe. D:

Sally:

Yeah me too JimWind. I'm literally crying rn. First Spelunk went wrong, then we have to wait to hear about what happened, then we finally get the report but it's from this jerk! I'm really sad bc this forum has meant a lot to me over the last year (its been a really tough year for me) and now I'm worried that everyone here might be some sort of drug-pushing creep :( :( :(

before this, everyone felt connected in some way w/ chesscourt and safe. and paul/glasswave was a decent person in the community! he talked to other ppl. ppl trusted him enough to invite him to this thing and meet up irl. and then he just. spikes coffee with adderall.

idk, maybe its just me since i was too young to be on fandom spaces in 2004 and be on chatrooms and stuff, but i feel like when the internet first came out everyone felt safe on it to some degree and the internet and real life were seperate spaces. now, esp with social media like facebook, real life and the internet are super connected. 

the fact that paul caused harm to his friends by spiking their drinks without consent is horrible. but like i feel like to ppl from 2004 who might not have experienced this kind of closely tied internet/real life drama before and also might not have the same sense of internet stranger danger that ppl have today, the idea of a person from the internet harming you in real life could be terrifying. today, i think that horror stories of ppl meeting online and then things going wrong is so common and in the news that we don’t bat an eye to it. but i guess maybe to 2004 ppl, this is like the ultimate nightmare.

when i finished the book, i felt a bit let down by the ending and stuff. it felt a bit anti-climatic. but after thinking about this from (what i think is) a 2004 person’s perspective, this is p awful. and the whole unreliable narration thing was very good.

i thought of midsommar a bit when i was thinking abt the ending. like, sure a bunch of horrible gory stuff happened and ppl died. but the real horror sets in afterwards when you realize that the movie is abt a vulnerable lonely woman in a neglectful relationship being indoctrinated into a cult thru drugs, isolation, and love bombing, and it was kinda shown as a “good thing” bc the protag finally found a place she belonged. when really, she was being further trapped in life, this time in a cult.

idk, but i guess that’s my ramble on the northern caves.

tl;dr - i read an original story from AO3 that was kinda hyped up for a lovecraft-ish horror, but i ended up interpreting the horror aspect differently and didn’t really get the mundum/lovecraft-ish part i think?