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I wonder how many of my followers who have never seen Taskmaster know that these weird-ass gifsets I reblog are not in any way altered or misquoted. There's no real "incorrect quotes" trend in this fandom, because Alex Horne and Greg Davies just... say this unhinged shit unprompted. Nobody put those words in their mouths. They're just like this all on their own.
#taskmaster#alex horne#greg davies#i've seen a single digit number of incorrect quote posts for this fandom#they really do not exist#just today i saw a post about alex horne accidentally eating a wasp and i believed it#because he absolutely would and i've seen the man intentionally eat worse
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c// fem!reader, superhero reader, villain yeosang, lowkey enemies to fwb, top yeo, bottom reader, bodily scars + showing them to each other, mentions of violence, clubbing, drinking, dry humping, oral (f receiving), knifeplay, pain kink, choking, degradation, dirty talk, protected sex, yeo monster cock
please read the tags carefully, this may not be for everyone!
this is the longest thing i've ever written omfg. also i’m really proud of this, please don’t let it flop :’D
kang yeosang was the root of everything wrong in your life, you had decided.
he was like the annoying fly that wouldn’t stop buzzing around your ear on a hot summer’s day. no matter how many times you were certain that you had vanquished the city of the blight that was yeosang, the supervillain managed to come back unnoticed.
at this point, you were convincing yourself it was impossible to cease him from causing trouble. on shitty nights like this, you went down to the discreet nightclub, hidden away in a dark alleyway. whether you needed a good drink or a good fuck, the club was always there to provide.
“the usual?” the familiar bartender yunho asks, taking in your frustrated expression and slumped shoulders that he sees far too often.
“yep, a slouchy susan.” you roll your eyes at the corny names yunho would come up with, your mind wandering to the silly names he must have had for the other patrons. it was always comforting to have a chat with the friendly bartender after a hard day - plus, you couldn’t deny he was absolute eye candy.
“top it off, please.” you shift your glass back to him after downing it.
“put it on my tab, yuyu”. a familiar, deep voice comes from next to you.
you turn to see yet another unbelievably attractive man. he has blonde hair that grows just past his neck, his natural black roots starting to show through. from where you’re sitting on your rickety stool, you pick up on the hint of cologne that lingers on him. you’ve never seen him before, yet something about him seems eerily familiar, like you’ve seen him in a dream.
you shake off the feeling, instead deciding to chat him up.
“yuyu?” you giggle at his affectionate nickname for the barkeep.
“we go way back, it’s what his mother would call him when she’d drop him off to school. i guess it stuck”. the man smiles at you, visibly taking in your features and not breaking eye contact with you.
you’re taken aback by him, your heart thumping unusually fast for some reason.
“stop embarrassing me, yeo-”
the man clears his throat loudly. you must have missed something, because yunho immediately goes quiet and wordlessly hands your drinks - your “slouchy susan” and a whiskey for the man.
“so if he’s yuyu, what are you?” you ask him.
“you can call me ryusang.” he says.
“y/n”.
the two of you lapse into easy conversation. you giggle at his lame jokes, and he does the same. you find common interests, funny anecdotes, blissfully letting the stresses of the day slip away with each word of the attractive ryusang.
soon enough, the dance floor grows crowded and the music gets louder.
“dance with me?” ryusang stands up, offering a hand. you take it gratefully, letting him drag you to the dance floor. it’s a mess of sweaty bodies, but you don’t care as you become part of it with ryusang. his hands find your hips, and you’re both falling into an easy rhythm, completely in sync with the trap music blasting from the speakers.
as expected, the space between you gradually gets smaller and smaller, until it’s practically non-existent. you’re shamelessly grinding against each other, joining the litany of couples who are completely up against each other. you pretend not to pay any mind to his noticeably growing bulge, instead deciding to tease him a bit by intentionally grinding up harder against him. this night was going right where you wanted it to.
“my place is near here.” he whispers right into your ear, making you shiver underneath him.
“then we’d better get out of here quickly, hm?” you say in response.
since you had both been drinking, you decide to take a cab to his place. the sexual tension is rife in the air. you deliberately, teasingly lay a hand on his thigh, oh so close to his crotch, his face glowing red as it clearly riles him up.
when you get up the flight of stairs up to his apartment, and he fumbles with the key for what feels like minutes, you’re all over each other. the first kiss you share is nothing but messy - all teeth and tongue, nothing but complete lust for one another. he’s gently guiding you towards his room, until your legs hit his mattress. you break the kiss, only for him to gently lay you down, straddle you, and get right back to sloppily kissing you.
he undoes the buttons of your blouse without breaking the kiss, impressively with one hand. he breaks the kiss once again to take in the sight of your newly exposed skin. his eyes engulf the expanse of scars on your skin, some older and some looking to be very much recent.
“who did this to you?” he whispers in what seems to be a mixture of awe and anger. hesitantly, he runs a finger across a thin line that spans from your lower belly to your ribcage.
“you did, yeosang.” you say, deadpan.
he pauses, his heart dropping to his stomach. “excuse me?”
“did you think you were fooling me? seriously, why didn’t you pick a less obvious fake name?” you giggle. despite the vulnerable position you’re in, you clearly hold the upper hand, indulging in his shocked expression. you hadn't missed the bartender's obvious slip up of yeosang's name, and could never forget that deep voice of his that would always taunt you.
“you’re always screwing me over y/n. i didn’t think we’d end up like this”. he says as a smooth recovery.
you roll your eyes. “remember when you gave me this?” you tap at the scar. he shakes his head.
“two years ago. you were trying to get rid of all power in the city. i almost stopped you, so you pegged a knife right here.”
“if i was trying to kill you, the knife would’ve stuck.” he says defensively. “you got away with a scratch, only because i wanted that.”
“well, thanks for not trying to kill me, kang yeosang. i’m flattered.” you say sarcastically.
“well, you gave me something worse.” he strips himself of his shirt. to no surprise, his skin is similar to yours. a canvas for an array of marks and scars, most of which you recognize to be your own work.
you point to an especially long one on his collarbone. “that one was definitely me.”
“yeah, and it hurt like a bitch.” he says snarkily.
“well, now we’re both half naked.”
“nice catch.”
“well for convenience’s sake, we may as well get back to-”
his lips are on yours again, effectively shutting you up. you don’t protest - besides, it’s hard to when his tongue is in your mouth.
what you don’t expect is the cold press of something against your throat, which then trails down to your collarbones. it isn’t pleasant, but not uncomfortable either. it’s sharp against your skin, and your curiosity gets the best of you.
yeosang begins to press open mouthed kisses against your skin, alongside what you now see is a familiar knife in his hand. you begin to feel more vulnerable underneath him, knowing he had complete power over you. yet somehow, you don’t feel afraid of the man who has your life in his hands.
he undoes your jeans, letting out a low whistle at the damp spot forming against your panties. the flat side of the blade presses against your clothed core, earning a whine for him.
"fucking touch me already". you say through gritted teeth, despising that your mortal enemy has you so needy for him.
"am i not already touching you?" he says with a shit eating smirk. fuck him, you think. but that was exactly what you wanted to do.
to your surprise, you hear the sound of fabric ripping, and a sudden cold against your core, as though-
"i liked those." you say frustratedly, finding yeosang pulling away the ripped remnants of your panties away from your core.
"you look far better without them." is all he says before licking an experimental stripe up your already wet hole, earning a breathy moan from you. you don't have it in you to be mouthy when his tongue continues to tease your labia, eventually meeting your clit in what is the most heavenly thing you've ever felt. all thoughts of how much you hate the man currently eating you out are out the window as the pad of his finger presses against your clit, his tongue messily lapping at your hole as if he was just licking for his pleasure rather than yours.
your hips subconsciously grind up in tandem with his tongue, earning small moans from him as well.
"so fucking wet. do you usually get this wet this quickly, or are you just that much of a slut for me?" he chuckles.
it takes every ounce of self control not to flick him on the forehead. the degrading name catches you off guard, yet somehow it makes your hole clench needily. besides, you want what's hidden under the confines of his black jeans far too much to be mean to him right now.
"just... just fill me up, yeosang."
"i like you like this." he says with a cocky smile. it gives you butterflies, even though you know it means nothing more than just a spur of the moment thought. "beg for me a little more, and i'll think about it."
oh, the urge to punch him in the face.
"fuck you."
"that's the plan."
you sigh in frustration. "kang yeosang, my mortal enemy, fill me up with your monster fucking cock until i can't think straight." you say sarcastically.
surprisingly, it's enough for him. it seems you weren't wrong when you said "monster cock" his cock far thicker and longer than any cock you had taken recently. or in general, for that matter.
he must notice the way you gape at it, giggling to himself.
"cond-" you start, but he cuts you off by leaning over to his bedside drawer.
he shuffles around before he finds what he's looking for, sliding on the first condom he finds and coating himself in lube for good measure.
"ready? are you okay?" he asks, lining himself up against your entrance.
you want to roll your eyes, but you know he's just looking out for you. you give him a nod, and it's all it takes for him to push, breaching your wet hole and filling you up perfectly. you can't stop the high whine that leaves your lips. it's embarrassing, but yeosang seems to enjoy it, groaning into your ear.
"you're so fucking tight. expected you to be all stretched out like the whore you are." he whispers into your ear, embarrassingly only making you clench more around him.
you barely need to adjust, needing nothing more than for him to ruin you. his hips set a steady pace, grinding oh so perfectly against you. the tip of his cock perfectly reaches that sweet spot inside you, earning a louder moan for him. you'd be embarrassed with what his neighbours must be hearing, but it's the last thing on your mind when you have such a perfect cock stretching you out.
"fuck, my perfect slut. so nice and tight around my cock, huh? it's like this pussy was made to take my cock." he growls, his thrusts only getting harder and sloppier the closer he gets to his high.
"o-only for you." you cry out, gasping as he fills you up impossibly deep, over and over again. the coil building up in your stomach only gets tighter when his fingers find your clit.
the breaking point is when his lips meet your collarbone, leaving more kisses and tiny bites here and there. the sensations all over are too much for you. you cry out when your orgasm hits you harder than ever before, leaving you breathless. your orgasm triggers his as well, indicated by the long, pleasured groan he lets out.
you can't do anything but catch your breath as he pulls out, taking off the condom, tying it up and throwing it away in the bin next to his bed.
"who knew that all it took was a good fuck to get you weak for me?" yeosang breaks the silence.
"shut up." you say weakly, still too breathless to properly argue back.
"maybe i will, if you make me."
needless to say, he keeps you up for a few more hours until you both fall asleep, the first rays of the sunrise peeking through the blinds of his window.
the next morning, you wake up groggy and exhausted, the drinks and activities from last night finally catching up to your body. to your disappointment, yeosang isn't there next to you, the other side of the bed empty.
of course, the asshole didn't have the decency to wait for you to wake up. reaching out for your phone, you find to your surprise that there's a sticky note on it.
“last night was fun, we should do it again. i've gone out to wreak havoc, so i know our paths will cross again soon anyway.” - your mortal enemy, kang yeosang <3
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