#because he said it might get resolved by an bios update sometime in the future but who knows when that will be :|

[spacemilkbag]

small blessings (will be able to listen to new drong when I wake up)

[writefightandflightclub]

Two steps back: chapter two

**NEW SERIES (2/9 parts)** Part one is here.

Series summary: this series spans decades in Poe and readers’ lives, with snapshots of moments based around the following themes.

Four times Poe said he’d stay with you.

Four times he tried to leave you behind.

One time you made it work.

Chapter Summary: (LEAVE:ONE) Poe is finally realising his dream to leave Yavin-4 for the stars, which inevitably means he must leave you behind.

GIF by @freetobegrace​

Author’s note: I cried while writing a certain bit of this and I’ve never done that before. But I think I’m probably just hormonal, LOL.

Word count: 1.4k

You knew Poe before he ever flew, but his feet had always been off the ground. His eyes always on the sky. Still, as you grew, you began to wish -perhaps selfishly- that Poe looked a little less at the sky and a little more at you. But, as your Mama had always said, you can’t see what’s right in front of you when you’re always looking up.

You had seemed to grow alongside Poe like the vines on trees in the jungle. You grew tall together, becoming more deeply entwined as the years passed by. However, if you weren’t separated now -if you tried to hold him in place- you knew you would choke him. He needed to be free to touch the sky above the canopy, free of anything which might hold him down. You had always known that eventually he would leave you grounded. Poe Dameron was his mother’s son, after all. He needed to grow beyond the tallest canopy of Yavin-4. He needed to grow beyond you.

You shuffled over to him on the landing bay, the transporter loading up behind him to take the newest batch of recruits to the New Republic Starfleet. He had looked a little lost in the crowd until you had come along. Poe was old enough to be described as a man now, but his fresh, boyish face still told of much that he had to learn. Checking his hot-headedness would be top of that list when he reached the academy, you had no doubt. You hoped dearly that they didn’t drill it out of him entirely.

“Who talks first? Shall I talk first?” you punctured the awkward air between you with humour, having had plenty of practice deflecting from the heavy kinds of emotions throughout the turmoil of your teenage years.

“They’re almos’ ready. I gotta go.” he said in a boyish drawl. He said it casually, like he didn’t yet know the implications of it, didn’t know everything it might mean to uproot himself and leave his home soil behind. At the same time, the determination in his eyes was beyond his years and had always been there; you knew he did this not on a whim, but from a deep-seated sense of purpose. This was his path. To your regret, it was not yours.

“So go. Go away, Poe. I’m not asking you to stay.” You had acted non-chalant, despite the fact you’d woken up at dawn to see him off. You knew fine well that asking him to stay would be futile, in any case.

Still, he lingered in front of you a little longer, shuffling from foot to foot, his New Republic-issue uniform too fresh, too crisp still. Still looking as if it belonged to someone else, and not to the boy you’d always known and always loved. He was changing; becoming, in so many ways. Increasingly, when he looked at you, you felt pleasantly destabilised. He was still growing into his own handsomeness, but he was beginning to be very much aware of it and how to use it to his advantage. Whilst you tried to smooth over any hint that his endlessly familiar brown eyes might have been giving you these somewhat unfamiliar feelings, Poe had gotten a rare, misty look in his eyes. Maybe with the stars ahead of him he was finally looking at you. Finally seeing you for what you meant to him. Home. But home isn’t always something to remember fondly. There had been tough times here, for both of you. Especially after Poe’s mother, Shara, had died. For a long time after, things had been rough. So maybe that’s why he got that look. Because he couldn’t wait to leave all this behind. 

You had punched him playfully on the shoulder, masking your sadness. A trick your Mama learned for you when you were small and you had picked up from her in turn as you grew. “What am I going to do around here without you, huh?”

“Probably fall out of trees and get eaten by stintarils.” Poe grinned without pretense and that’s what made you tug him by his lapels into a crushing hug. You had pawed at his back, his curls, pressing him against you. Choking him with your need to keep him by your side. You knew, though, that you had to let him go.

You released him and fondly smoothed his flight suit, resting your hands on his shoulders. You desperately wanted to say something profound. Something meaningful. But he was always the one who found the language to tell you how much he cared about you. On the other hand, he was the one leaving, so you guessed that sometimes actions did speak louder than words. Personally, you’d always been much better at deflecting, at telling him to just get the kriff on with going away. You’d learned to expect it. Not that you could quite accept it, just yet. “Go on. Scram, Poe Dameron.” You had forced a soft smile.

At that, Poe had leaned in to press a soft, chaste kiss to your lips, his hand coming to tenderly grip the back of your neck. You looked at him in surprise as he pulled back from you, looking both a little bashful and a little pleased with himself. He bit his lip and then his mouth moved as if he was about to speak. Your palm had quickly clamped down over his mouth. “Don’t. Don’t ruin it by speaking.” You released your hand from him. “Let’s just leave it at that kiss.”

He pressed his lips together in acquiesence, his eyes soft as he took one long look at you. And then he turned, making his way up the ramp and into the transporter without looking back. His eyes were fixed ahead of him, on the stars, after all. On his future. And you were now consigned now to his past.

You didn’t stay to watch the sky finally take him from you, finally swallowing him. How could you? This is what you’d always been afraid of. Instead, you ran home and you cried and cried in your mother’s arms, your heart broken in the way only a best friend and a first love could break it. She had tried her best to reassure you that Poe would always find a way back to you, but this time, you just couldn’t allow yourself to believe it.

It was only when you felt entirely drained of tears that you could bring yourself to visit your tree again. You stood beneath it for a moment, looking up at the tree with something resembling blame, although you knew that was nonsense. You couldn’t even bring yourself to touch it, not at first. But then, you wrapped your hands around its thick limbs as you climbed skyward, somehow comforted by the physical reminder of all the times you visited this spot together. You perched, alone, on your and Poe’s usual branch, staring solemnly at the empty spot by your side. There was no familiar rush of A-Wings overhead either. Today, even the sky was empty, as if in tribute.

Throwing a koyo fruit to the woolamanders, you crept back from the overhanging branch to settle into the pit of the tree, a roomy, sheltered hollow formed where the branches converged. You curled yourself in this comfortable spot and dwelled on how quiet the jungle was without Poe’s incessant chattering. How much things had changed for you in only a few days.

In fact, mere days ago, before he shipped out, this was the spot where you and Poe had tangled limbs like vines and found a new way to love each other. He had kissed you and lay you back and found his own way to show you the stars. He had traced gentle kisses on your body like he was mapping a constellation he never wanted to forget. Of course, figuring out this new, physical language had been awkward, punctuated by laughter, yet somehow it had also been perfect. He was even better at touch than he was with words. You just wish it hadn’t turned out to be the perfect way to say goodbye.

It’s at that point that the sense of finality hit you. Suddenly, you’d felt like you’d never see Poe again. Not if you waited there on Yavin-4 for him to come back. It’s at that point you determined you needed to start building a future for yourself. Needed to let your vines track out over the jungle floor until you found a place to flourish again. You needed to find a new path. No, you realised then; Poe Dameron was not coming back to you. But maybe if you could find your own way forward, perhaps one day your respective paths would cross again. That was just enough to cling on to, in that moment. 

Besides, you couldn’t just stay there and get eaten by stintarils. Maker forbid you proved Poe Dameron right about anything. If you ever met again, you resolved, you would show him just how you made it without him. Although, not entirely without him. You had shared beginnings, after all. No matter how far your branches diverged from here on out, there would always be that inalienable part of you which was tied to Poe Dameron. You had grown together, intertwined, and he had rooted himself forever in your heart.

TO BE CONTINUED

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