#because i dont want to accidentally say the freaks name infront of any of my friends who are still pals w him
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awake at 4am taking photos of my boyfriend while he sleeps and making a nightcore playlist to show everyone who follows me on spotify just how well im doing mentally
#on the bright side#i opened up to a friend about my assault and she was v lovely and reminded me that not all trauma is processed immediately#i love her so much fr she's such an angel#still dealing with a lot of shit but it's getting easier ig???#hope i never meet that rat bastard ever again i might go feral#kicking and screaming and biting#mixed feelings tbh because on some level i still totally blame myself because i shouldn't have been so silly and get addicted to alcohol!!!#then if i wasnt drunk#he wouldn't have fucked me while i was blackout#and told me to get the morning after pill the next day!!!!#dreadful dreadful times#absolutely rancid fucking vibes tonight lads#cant believe ive sunk so low as to vent in my the tags of a goddamn tumblr post because im too scared to actually let go and rant#because i dont want to accidentally say the freaks name infront of any of my friends who are still pals w him#im totally still blocking it out on some level#because if i refuse to name him it's still abstract and if it's abstract i dont need to face it#and if i dont face it then i stay safe:)#anyway goodnight i guess#found a nightcore version of cancer by mcr that slaps real hard#deranged
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