#because she knows how much kevin suffered and she doesn't want kaveh to experience that because 1) not his life 2) not his burden

[elysialm]

"do you even want me if i can’t change back to what you knew me to be like?"

@architecti

The words cause her to stop. Altogether, everything freezes in a moment of solemn silence upon the words hanging heavily over the pinkette’s head. Kaveh was not Kevin she knew but he was also a part of Kevin that existed. The young man before her was a resident of this world, Teyvat, not the era where she came from or the land she came from. The bubble universes proved it, the existence of Imaginary Tree already gave her the answer, but she also knew that their experience and her experience will not be repeated. Kaveh had a part of the soul, but he was still not Kevin. The experience did not match. The bonds did not match. The existence did not match. However, he was still dear to her for he was still the very soul she adored and handled with the gentlest care, wishing for this life to be less of a taxing adventure and more of an enjoyable one. As a human with his own tough moments and challenges yet still moments of true beauty his past self could not achieve through the apocalyptic tragedy. 

He deserves to have a better life now, here, in this day and age. As Kaveh, not as Kevin. If she were honest, she did see similarities, but she also saw just how different they were. She did not see ‘Kevin’ in him anymore, she saw a young man who went by the name Kaveh, who was an architect and who lived in the house of Al Haitham. He was his own person, a delight in his own unique and singular way. As much as there were similarities, this life was another one and it must remain as it is without him tapping into the past that would hurt him more than it needed. The past must stay in the past, a life lived must not be touched. It would only bring unnecessary suffering. 

It hurts to hear. It hurts to hear that he thought of changing. He must not, no. He did not understand what was going on before and she wished he would not tap into that whirlpool of suffering once more. It must be closed and never approached. 

Azure gaze would - for the first time - show genuine moment of sadness and pain. Elysia had never allowed herself to be seen as anything but smiling and enjoying her life in Teyvat by everyone’s side, but the words spoken by Kaveh made her remember the tears spilled and the pain brought from before. The past cannot be returned and she will never meet the ones she loved and treasured as she did because they existed as themselves only once, it was the beauty of a human life - its shortness yet its significance. It’s why Kaveh’s words made her wonder if there was a way to stop him from seeing something that must not be seen, does she have the power to stop the link’s effect? Does she even have the right to do that? It hurts, it hurts beyond anyone’s understanding. 

Despite the pain and the sharp sensation in her chest, Elysia’s gaze softens as she looks at him. Is he lost in the sea of dreams that are not his and must never be his to bear? It wounds her, truly. It makes her wonder if she should have stayed when he called her name, but she wanted to secure a possible brighter life for him who deserved it oh so much. What does he mean by ‘want’ him? It made no sense, but it also did. Lips would part and close before she would find the words to be spoken in that familiar yet not really tone of voice, soft but with the weight of a crucifix she carried in the world last. 

“ Yes. I do, ” she replies with determination in her voice as she does a step forward. All so he could see the expression on her face better and so she could see his eyes better as well. She extends her hands to him, palms turn up to the sky and for him to place his hands in if he were to be comfortable with that. If not, she would retract her hands to hide behind her back, locked together with fingers linked. “ Because you are Kaveh, not anyone else. The similarities may exist, but you are a life that exists here and now, singular in its essence and singular in its magnificence. You must not change nor you must reach for the past that is not yours to wield, carry, and agonize over. ”

As she feared, he must be seeing parts that he must not and lives that were lost. The life of Kevin was not a life of Kaveh, they may share a soul but their lives were different and must remain separated. The young man she knew was carrying the world on his shoulder as a hero, forced to make her a stepping stone to become the leader humanity needed. Even if she did not kill by his very own hands, she knew the weight would be carried by him for years. This is why she wished for Kaveh to not look back for the sins, virtues, and experiences were not his to wield. 

He was Kaveh, not Kevin. He was an architect, not a soldier. He exists here and now. 

“ I want to remain here by Kaveh’s side, to learn more about him and to understand him, ” she explains, carefully, her voice as fragile as it could ever be, but it is sincere. “ I want you to move forward, to look ahead, to grasp this life’s vitality and to continue on without looking back. And... ” Her sadness returns, the blue gaze shows emotions complicated yet filled with genuine love and care and wish to protect. “ I want you to be the way you are now, Kaveh, not anything or anyone else. You are not the one I knew before but that does not mean I care about you any less, I came to know you as you are now and it only made me want to be here all the more, ” Elysia wishes for this life to be precious and always be treated as such. Kaveh is a man of his own, an individual with his own story and experiences that shaped him into who he is now. It is important and it must not be erased for this existence is unique and must never be erased. “ With a young man with eyes that search for answers, with a young man who says awful jokes about his back pain after carrying me for a short bit of time, with a young man who continues his journey. So, yes, I want you to stay the way you are and I will always be blessed to share these moments with you, to learn about you, to protect you, and, if needed, to guide you towards a blessed path, ” another nod follows as she returns back to his original question. “ I want to know you, Kaveh, a precious soul whose life I’ve yet to learn about and an existence so beautiful it would make another cry from its glorious sight. I want you as you are, flaws and virtues, current and future. Not anyone I’ve ever known before, but you as you are now; an architect, a scholar, a human. Would you let me remain to learn and understand you, step by step? ”

This time, she won’t make him cry. This time, she will not leave as she did before... until this world requires it to protect him and those who also have been reborn into this blessed world. In exchange for the happiness of those she loves so dearly, she will happily lay down her life on the line as a sacrifice once more.