#because the fact youve survived for so long is incredible

[onlyplatonicirl]

very very good chapter yippee yippeee tcoti my biggest special interest yay hurray huzzah

but in all seriousness the newest chapter was fantastic, all the characters are so well writte, despite condemning what error has done i can sympathise with him so well in this chapter and now throughout the entire story, he is a being who exists outside of reality unable to properly integrate into it because its just not in his nature, his body rejects its very existence and his mind is completely shattered (even more so after what the council did lmao), he seems so hopless in these last few chapters focusing on him, all he wants is to just get to his little void and curl up on a nice comfy bean bag and then fucking die

the way youve characterised ink is also incredibly interesting, he isnt this paragon of moral superiority but he also isnt a naughty no good bad man >:(( , he really truly is just such a uniquely neutral blank slate of a person (or monster ig), he doesnt seem to have any motivations outside of what he deems to be moral but his sense of morality is somewhat twisted by his desires and is doomed to forever be selfish because it only ever serves to suit himself and the current emotional palette hes experiencing, he cannot truly feel in same way others do so hes always running off of what his id tells him, what does he need in that moment to survive? what does he want in this moment to make him feel good? hes a pleasure seeker through and through, so long as his desires dont conflict with the relationships hes already established he'll go for that goal and he wont stop until hes got locked between his teeth through hell or high weather, doesnt matter if it conflicts with his moral compass, who needs one when no ones looking?

dream is also another really fantastic character in this fic, truth be told im usually not the biggest fan of him, a lot of his characterisation, like ink, lacks nuance, hes either a happy go lucky naive ball of energy, or this rude burnt and backstabbed cigar smoking loner, but dream in this seems to be a lot more nuanced, hes had bad past experiences and he does what he believes is right, every character in this story has these sets of moral principles and not all of them align, which is really interesting when you put them all in one room (the council) and force them to try and agree upon one major decision, the results of which will literally affect the entirety of the multiverse, dream believes in a great good otherwise known as utilitarianism - making choices which will maximise the happiness of everyone involved - and right enough killing or otherwise disposing of error would be the most utilitarian option, but he cannot shake the fact that murder is wrong despite how much he hates him and everything hes done

needles to say i am excited for the next chapters, i want to see these three relationship evolve (or devolve), and from the looks of it, dream corruption arc 👀👀????? he may not go the path of his brother, but hot damn that boy is gonna be pissed off at the world and the people who live in it and i cannot wait to see him tell them all whats what

glad to have you back in the writing biz

YESSSSS THANK YOU FOR THIS, YOU GET ME!!!! YOU GET MY CHARACTER ANALYSIS WAAAAHGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Ink is a TRUE NEUTRAL and has his own interests in mind. That being said however, when he has a normal emotional palette he does genuinely care for the people important in his life, such as Dream and Error. He’s mildly pissed off at Error and more pissed off at Dream, but he does care. It may be shallow but it begs the question - is it anymore shallow compared to people with souls?

Dream is at his core a good person, and he was opposed the murder. He’s happy and kind, but he’s also not an idiot, and after going through everything he’s been through he’s more an in his right to be pissed beyond belief

And Error, well, you nailed EXACTLY what I was going for

I really wanted this story to be something that people could have discussions about, arguing in favor of and against characters and their actions. I’ve seen people get in ARGUEMENTS over alchemy and whether or not he’s in his right to do what he did. And I love it

THANK U SOOOO SO MUCH FOR THIS!!! I absolutely adore hearing people’s takes on characterization and what they think will happen. They’re all so complex and I ADORE them for it

The closest character we can get to “evil because I love being evil” is like - Nightmare and Killer probably, but we already know enough about their characterization outside of TCOTI to where I don’t really have to say anything lol

[fl0ating-tree]

a look at c!wilbur in relation to ‘eight’ by sleeping at last

wilbur saying on stream that ‘eight’ by sleeping at last was inspiration for his character is just...heartbreaking. god wilbur soot youve done it again. (fyi this post is all /rp so i dont have to put c! in front of wilburs name every time)

“I was just a kid who grew up strong enough / To pick this armor up / And suddenly it fit”  this in relation to wilbur hurts like nothing else. if everyones willing to take tommy and tubbos age into consideration for their characters can we talk about how wilbur was 23 during the fight for l’manberg. twenty three. he was so young and put that aside to fight for his freedom. he grew up to fast to put on a brave face for fundy (whos age in canon is a little questionable but is still at the very least younger than wibur) and tubbo and tommy and even eret to an extent. 

“Now you won't see all that I have to lose / And all I've lost in the fight to protect it”  wilburs character is very interesting in the fact that he seems to have a genuine kind of backstory. we all take the piss out of sally but if you think about it, the story of sally means that somewhere along the lines wilbur met a girl, fell in love, and lost her. he canonically smokes and drinks (even before pogtopia if i remember correctly) and was well versed in drugs. that implies so much, especially with this line. wilbur has lost a lot, and hes jaded because of it, which leads into:

“I won't let you in, I swore never again / I can't afford, no, I refuse to be rejected” wilbur can’t loose, not again. he lost sally, he presumably had a failing relationship with his father because of the offhand remarks phil and wilbur have made along with the fact that phil was never mentioned until he showed up (obviously OOC this is because phil wasnt on the server but i digress). he can’t loose l’manberg, not after loosing sally, erets betrayal, and loosing one of his lives along with his comrades lives. he can’t. 

“I want to break them right and feel alive / You were wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong / My healing needed more than time” wilbur canonically struggles with substance abuse and mental illness. that first line almost feels self-harmful in a sense, breaking yourself to feel alive. he is deeply wounded and the peacetime after they won independence, or the time before war was declared, wasn’t enough to help heal his deep mental and emotional problems. the “you were wrong” line feels almost like a child trying to argue against their parent, which hurts in the context of phil and wilburs canon relationship. 

“I was little, I was weak, I was perfect, too / Now I'm a broken mirror” wilbur’s decent into “villainy” to me was simply wilbur’s mental health taking a turn for the worse. he didn’t believe he could get better so he simply let himself fall into the deep end. sure, he used to be young and weak, but he was perfect then too. now he thinks he is too far gone, so he embraces being angry and evil in an attempt to feel something, to feel like he’s at least playing a role. 

“I can't let you in, I swore never again / I can't afford to let myself be blindsided” this line in relation to eret’s betrayal and wilbur’s paranoia is another stinger. first betrayed by eret, than by quackity (most people don’t remember this but wilbur confided his election plan to quackity and quackity betrayed him by using this knowledge to sneak in his ballot), than he believed fundy betrayed him, and his spiraling mental health slowly lead him to think everyone asides from maybe tommy was against him. he refused to get help, to let others in, because he couldn’t face betrayal again.    

“And all I want is to trust you / Show me how to lay my sword down / For long enough to let you through”  wilbur was hurt and betrayed and traumatized and had no support system to keep him afloat. he wanted so badly to trust others but in his paranoia he couldn’t put down his sword long enough to let others, like niki tommy tubbo and even quackity, help him. 

“I'm just a kid who grew up scared enough / To hold the door shut / And bury my innocence” similar to the first lines of this song, wilbur is incredibly young to be a general in a war and a president. he buried his innocence in order to survive but ultimately it made him cynical and that coupled with loss and betrayal ruined him. 

the song ends on a happy note, with the lines “I'm shattered porcelain, glued back together again / Invincible like I've never been” but wilbur’s story sadly doesn’t get a happy ending. wilbur’s character, ultimately, is a tragedy. he was a war-torn man with mental health issues driven to the brink and no one was able to pull him back. the juxtaposition of this last line compared to wilbur’s ending is incredibly poetic, and whether that was purposeful on CC!wilbur’s part, or simply coincidental, is still amazing. i never saw wilbur as the villain, simply a deeply hurt person, and i feel like this song really highlights that. 

[jaybug-jabbers]

All-Glitch Pokemon Blue Run Pt16: Approaching Destiny

The following is a series of texts exchanged between the devices of Professor Gingko and his assistant, June, dated 8/15/97. This document is for the personal information and use of the designated recipiet only (i.e., “for your eyes only”). It is not to be shared. 

P Gingko 3:34 pm

June? Are you still out working with D4 in the Mansion? You've been gone quite a long time now. I was hoping for a status report.

Junebug  3:46 pm

ya got sidetracked sorry

P Gingko 3:47 pm

Side-tracked doing what?

Junebug  3:49 pm

um

Junebug  3:49 pm

I'll tell you but promise you won't be mad, ok?

P Gingko 3:50 pm

I won't be mad as long as you don't give me a reason to be mad.

Junebug  3:52 pm

I'm sort of in Viridian City right now

Junebug  3:52 pm

and, uh, I just finished fighting the gym leader. did yoy know the Viridian Gym leader was Giovani?

P Gingko 3:53 pm

What on Earth possessed you to do this, June? Did I not *specifically* instruct you no more gym battles or trainer fights? You know we're trying to keep a low profile!

Junebug  3:53 pm

ok see you're getting mad

Junebug  3:53 pm

look, I had a reason

Junebug  3:54 pm

I heard on the news that the Viridian Gym was accepting challengers again, and somebody was speculating the leader of the gym was actually this giovani guy

Junebug  3:54 pm

and like it was acting as his sort of cover. you know, the dude who is in charge of team rocket? those losers who keep smuggling pokemon and stuff? and they were RIGHT, it totally was giovani

P Gingko 3:56 pm

I fail to see why this is relevent. What does it matter if the Gym leader is Giovani? You still shouldn't have challenged him, especially in front of so many witnesses.

Junebug  3:58 pm

because I stopped him! I stomped him flat with my glitch pokes and he was so confused and humiliated that he swore he couldnt even face team rccket anymore. he said he's disbanding the whole organization! look i knew somebody had to take the guy down a few pegs, and I was right, it worked.

P Gingko 4:00 pm

As commendable as that is, June, this sort of thing still is best left to the authorities to deal with. Let the police and investigators handle Team Rocket. It's not the job of a busy young lady who's assisting a glitch pokemon professor on very delicate research.

Junebug  4:02 pm

Isn't it, though?

P Gingko 4:02 pm

Isn't it what?

Junebug  4:05 pm

Look, Professor. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. We've been spending months now researching these glitch pokemon. And you've spent YEARS doing it. All in super secrecy. Ever since they were discovered, its been in secret. youve been slaving away in the shadows, and all your colleagues just think youre some qwuak, some lunatic.

P Gingko 4:05 pm

The reminder is, in fact, not necessary. I'm well aware of how the academic community perceives me.

Junebug  4:06 pm

Don't you think it's about time we do something about that? We've learned so much and we have PLENTY of proof by now! We can go public about glitch pokemon and show the world what they've been missing. or misunderstanding.

P Gingko 4:08 pm

June, that's not for you to decide. The nature of our research is very important but also very sensitive. We're working with incredibly powerful forces. In the wrong hands, or if mishandled, glitch pokemon and glitch phenomenon can be devastating

Junebug  4:11 pm

Yeah but isn't that all the more reason to go forward with the truth? Sooner or later, some random person will stumble across glitches, just like I did. And who knows what will happen to them. But if we go forward and educate people, then, laws can be made, and people can learn about them, and we can all know how to deal with glitches properly.

Junebug  4:11 pm

and also people will realize we're not crazy!! you wont have to work in obscurity anymore. you can be a hero! recognized for your genius.

P Gingko 4:12 pm

Appealing to my sense of vanity won't work, you know.

Junebug  4:12 pm

its not really about the glory though, thats just a nice added bonus.

P Gingko 4:15 pm

June . . . it's not as though I have not considered these facts. I've thought about them for years. About when to go public, and how, and with what information. It is of course my ultimate goal to reveal what we've learned to the world. So that everyone can live safely and co-exist with these amazing creatures.

P Gingko 4:15 pm

But it's not as simple as just holding a press conference and proclaiming things to the world. There are so many factors to consider.

Junebug  4:17 pm

Maybe you'r over-complicating it, though. like, I had this great idea yesterday about how we can do it.

P Gingko 4:17 pm

I mean this with no offense, but I very much doubt that you've settled on a solution more sophisticated then my years of consideration has generated.

Junebug  4:19 pm

wait til you hear it before dismissing it, man

Junebug  4:19 pm

you're gonna love it

Junebug  4:19 pm

you ready to hear it?

P Gingko 4:20 pm

June.

Junebug  4:20 pm

ok so . . . .

Junebug  4:20 pm

I take my team of glitch pokemon and I beat the Elite 4 and become Pokemon Champion of the entire region.

Junebug  4:24 pm

Professor?

Junebug  4:26 pm

Professor, u still there?

Junebug  4:27 pm

c'mon man its a brilliant idea

P Gingko 4:30 pm

Get back to the lab. We're not discussing this.

Junebug  4:30 pm

Aw, cmon. What better way to prove to the whole world the power and reality of glitch pokemon? Nobody can call it phony after that, and nobody can deny them. Plus with the prestige of Championship we'll be in a position to put forth our important research and ideas on handling glitch pokes safely.

Junebug  4:40 pm

Professor, are you there?

P Gingko 4:48 pm

Get back to the lab.

P Gingko 4:48 pm

We can discuss it there.

—

(E-mail from one week later)

Professor,

This is the update you wanted about my journey through Victory Road. I know you’re still feeling hestitant even after all our long discussions about the plan. I hope this report can reassure you that this is going to go off without a hitch.

My first hurdle on the journey began before I could even take a single step on Victory Road. Professor Oak’s grandson had once again managed to track me down. It’s like that kid has a sixth sense for honing in on me and being annoying, I swear. He demanded a battle, so I complied.

Things were a cakewalk, but then, uhh. He sent out his Alakazam and it was . . . a lot stronger then before. By like, a lot.

He wiped my entire team. It was almost in an instant. 

But that didn’t matter, because I’m no pushover trainer! Maybe I used to be, but these days I’ve learned an awful lot. So I dug into my supplies of TMs and found the perfect one. I taught Giago Thunder Wave.

During our rematch, Gia survived a hit and paralyzed the Alakazam. I knew the Zam had paltry Defense, so I sent out Fractal, who has amazing physical Attack. The Zam crumpled before us!

Things were a little tight with the final foe, a level 53 Blastoise, but my team chipped him down enough that Wobbles could easily finish the job. Not bad for a team sitting at around level 35.

With that annoying kid cleared out of the way, we headed to the caves known as Victory Road.

The journey wasn’t exactly a quick one, I’ll be honest. It took a lot of tromping around, getting lost, pushing rubble out of the way, and battling trainers that had alarmingly high-levelled pokemon. I eventually decided it would probably be best if we did a little extra training. It would make the trip a bit smoother.

So we trained, and we trained hard. Our goal was for everyone to reach level 40. Not too ambitious, just around 5 levels or so. For some, it was pretty easy. Wobbles had no problems, and Gia was packing Surf. Sure, Gia’s Special isn’t great, but it was still enough to take out the local Rock/Ground types in the cave. Jasper took slightly longer to work with, but with Earthquake and Hydro Pump, he still didn’t have much trouble. 

Dusty was a bit harder to train. As you know, her stats have never been incredible . . . besides her speed, that is. But she had Bubblebeam, Ice Beam and Hydro Pump, so it actually wasn’t too bad; just a little more time-consuming.

Then there was Fractal. I’ve noted before that Fractal’s defenses (both of them) are the worst of the team’s, and frankly abysmal. So training him was certainly a challenge. I opted to wander the grasses just outside of the cave, beating on Dittos and Fearows and healing a TON. It took a while, but eventually, even Fractal rose through the ranks.

After Fractal, there was just Charmed left to train. It wasn’t too bad, considering how balanced Charm’s stats are. The only extra thing I needed to do was duplicate some Elixirs for Charmed. She still doesn’t trust Pokecenter nurses, so she’ll only accept heals from me. I even bought Charmed a little treat and taught her Fire Blast.

Of course, if I’d wanted to, I could have duplicated a crapton of Rare Candies and just fed them to my pokemon. But I wasn’t going to do that. After all, you told me eating too much candy isn’t healthy for pokemon, and besides, I knew they could prove themselves in battle.

And that they did. We finally cleared Victory Road’s twisted, confusing tunnels and made it outside to face the large, dominating building that housed the Elite Four.

It was time.

—

Click For the Next Part of the Series!

[golgoterror]

Alright, this is ungodly long, but I just wanted to talk about something regarding Jake. 

A lot of this fandom -- at least, from what I’ve seen -- label Jake as stupid. Some may even say Jake and smart are antonyms. This could not be further from the truth. It almost irritates me how much the fandom places this mischaracterization on him. Also, I get to talk about The Lad™ for about ten pages worth of words on Google docs, which is always very, very fun for me.

Well, first things first, let’s talk about the child genius and multi-billionaire polymath that is Jake English.

Puzzle Modus.

Let’s begin with something small. Jake’s modus is of puzzlekind! This is described as:

It's quite a handy modus, allowing you to captchalogue objects of any size, as long as you can fit them all in a finite space by maneuvering the cards around like a big game of Tetris. You like it because it keeps you sharp for solving any puzzles you might find when you go out raiding hallowed tombs, which is never. (x)

He likes puzzles! This is a huge headcanon I absolutely adore that has a basis in the comic: He’s a puzzles guy! This is just sort of a neat little fact about him that I adore to the moon and back. Just the idea of Jake fiddling about with a Rubik’s Cube is kind of adorable.

This is how he goes about doing everything every day of his life. I think that’s just amazing! And incredibly smart of him, I might add.

Skaianet. 

Jake is shown in the credits to take over Skaianet after the game ended. For those unfamiliar, Skaianet made many things for the game, including but not limited to: the interstellar travel we see, transportalizers, the lab by Rose’s house, all Jake’s fancy-schmancy computers, and Sburb itself. In the beta timeline, Grandpa Harley founded Skaianet. In the alpha timeline, Grandma English did. I know Jake didn’t start it up and trying to pass off his alt-timeline self as him is a bit far-fetched at best, but he had the spoons to take it over. I think that speaks volumes for Jake’s intelligence -- this implies, at the very least, he can understand mathematics and physics at a high level. Remind you of someone we already know?

It is also important to note that Jake does, in fact, build the company back from the ground up, because it went to shit before his grandmother died:

GT: Pretty sure her company made a tidy fortune til it went belly up. At least i still have a few of her knickknacks for keepsakes. (x)

So he built an interstellar company back up -- using what his intelligent grandmother had once used -- to being very useful and practical once again. 

As someone with a degree in mathematics and about to finish a degree in physics, I can say this sort of work would for sure require at the very least a decent understanding of quantum mechanics, statistical mechanics, electrodynamics, calculus (vector and differential forms), ordinary and partial differential equations, and perhaps other things like topology. I don’t know about you -- and I’m probably tooting my own horn a bit by saying this -- but I think that’s pretty nifty, if I do say so myself. 

Actor.

Once again, I’m reaching into the credits to show that Jake has become a movie star after the game ends. Memorizing all those lines, slipping into characters... Being an actor is no easy feat. 

( Side note: This leads into my headcanon that Jake can imitate accents and voices on a whim. No more arguing about whether he has a British, American, or Australian accent -- you’re all right! )

And I would like to add he has two jobs! Skaianet and being a movie star! This guy’s a fucking polymath for Christ’s sake.

Reading People.

Let’s start of simple: Brain Ghost Dirk. I can hear the outcries now of Dirk’s powers being the cause for this. And, yes, I can’t ignore Dirk’s influence in this, but Jake’s hope powers were also needed for the projection to come alive. And the fact he was able to make such a startlingly accurate projecting of Dirk in his own mind is astounding -- even BGD himself thinks so!

TT: You could view me as a projection of the real Dirk within your mind, as expressed through all of your thought patterns about him. TT: So I'm kind of a splinter of his corporeal self who happens to live in your awareness. TT: I'm a startlingly close approximation to the real thing, for all intents and purposes. GT: Just how startlingly close are we talking? TT: I'm not going to give you a bogus percentage like the glasses cause that's not my shtick. TT: But pretty damn close. (x)

A very deep understanding of the other is needed for Jake to do this. That is pretty fucking incredible. He can clearly read people really well -- he had a few times where he was cluing in on Jane and Dirk have feelings for him:

TG: its one of those things jane likes about u so much GT: It is? TG: which TG: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr im not supposed to talk about 2 u evr so nm GT: Talk about what? TG: nope GT: You mean how um... GT: Well a way in which i suppose... TG: no nope GT: Jane is prone to looking upon me with what i fathom to be more than just friendly affection? (x)

TT: I guess call it an extra birthday present. But instead of a present that's awesome, consider it more like a weird confession that may change the way you feel about me. GT: Whoa uh... GT: Dirk are you... uh... GT: Saying what i think? (x)

He’s not completely clueless on people! In fact, he seems to have a really good understanding of his friends. That’s something a lot of people seem to forget because of the incident that I will be getting to later on.

Fending For Himself.

I’ve already written quite a bit on this, but I’ll sum it up here: Jake is exceptionally good at living in the wild and taking care of himself. Sort of like a wild garden; he doesn’t need to be taken care of. Survival skills, especially around fighting and fending off things, aren’t something everyone has. This, once again, counts in his favour, even if it doesn’t line-up with “book smarts”.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

That’s five things! It’s clear Jake is, in fact, a polymath and incredibly intelligent. So, what’s with the fandom painting him as being dumb? What’s with people actually thinking he’s stupid? I think we can all take several wild guesses as to why that’s the case.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Takes things literally.

This is something that plagues Jake quite a lot. Case in point:

GT: Wow like the epic kevin costner film? TT: Almost exactly. Especially by the same degree of shittiness. GT: Oh man does that mean you have to drink your own pee?????? TT: You get used to the taste. Welcome it, even. TT: That takes about 15 days in a row of hard piss drinking though. GT: Ewwwwwwwwwwww no dude. No ew. :( TT: Relax, I don't drink any goddamn piss, ok? GT: Oh ok. Whew. (x)

But, well, let’s address the elephant in the room. The chat I laughed so hard at when I read it the first time due to pure, unadulterated second-hand embarrassment: Jake asking Jane if she had feelings for him.

Let’s analyze this, shall we? Jake starts off by being vague as all Hell, and I’ll spare those details, until finally...

GT: Just come out and say it. Do you fancy me? GG: No! GT: I see. GT: Very well then. GT: Jeez i mustve really misread that one! I feel like kind of a bone head now. (x / x)

Okay, she says no, and he backs off. That’s fine and dand--

GG: No!!!!!! GG: Oh my God, what am I saying here? GG: Jake, I didn't mean it! I didn't want to make you feel that way! GT: Now jane lets not backpedal here. GT: Youve spoken the truth and i greatly appreciate and respect you for that. GT: But now that i think about it you know what? GG: ... GG: No? :( GT: Please dont take this the wrong way but your answer is actually kind of a relief! (x)

... Oh, right. Yeah. It keeps going. It just keeps--

GT: Actually since youve made your feelings apparent and only see me as a friend that makes it a lot easier! GG: Haha, yes! GG: Friends!!!! GT: Maybe you could help me sort out some stuff that has been weighing on me lately? GG: Well what are friends for Jake!!!!! (x)

Sweet Jesus, Jake.

GG: Me? GG: HOO HOO HOO! GG: I'm just GG: Terrific! GG: I'm feeling so... GG: Friendly!!! GG: I clearly just want to be a good friend and bring all my AMAZING FRIENDLINESS to bear on your problems. GG: Friendlystyle! Ahahahah? GG: Shit I mean GG: Ahahahah! GT: Thats aces. Jane youre a sweetheart. (x)

Alright, alright, enough! You all remember the fucking chat. 

Regardless, it’s very apparent Jake takes things at face value. I also will cite him talking to Jane before her birthday, but not list examples, because what happened above will just happen once again. 

Okay, so he takes things at face value. What’s wrong with that? He trusts people to not lie to his face -- to not sugarcoat things or beat around any bushes. Perhaps I’m projecting a bit, but I do the same damn thing. I think a lot of people do! I don’t think reading things as fact over text is a good measure of someone’s intellect. All it does is show he has issues with communication. Okay, so he struggles with one thing. Sue me.

Doesn’t catch things right away.

Yeah okay I’m just gonna dump a few examples of this.

GT: Haha wow. Must have been a hell of a guy. TT: So... TT: You're not making any connections there? GT: Where? Huh? TT: Famous comedian, about the age of your grandma, inheriting the family name of the Baroness... TT: Not ringing a bell? GT: What are you talking about! Dirk stop speaking in riddles and keep telling the story i am on tenterhooks here! TT: Ok, well it's not like it's that important. Just a super obvious thing that'll probably occur to you later when you're looking in the fridge you don't have, at which point you'll feel like an idiot. GT: Oh my god you can be one opaque motherfucker just clue me in bro! TT: Nah, it'll be funnier this way. GT: STRIIIIIIDEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!! TT: Moving on. (x)

GT: Whats going on? TT: Took you long enough to figure it out. TT: Pages really are a slow burning class. Damn. GT: Figure what out! TT: You're asleep. (x)

This leads into the point above. His mind doesn’t work that way -- but that doesn’t mean he’s not intelligent. He needs everything laid out in front of him so he can make the connections and understand what’s happening, but there’s no real harm in this, and it certainly doesn’t dictate whether the guy is “intelligent” or not.

There are many, many more examples in canon depicting Jake as having difficulties with communication and you all can open most of his pesterlogs and probably find one. I’m not going to list anymore. But, hold your horses, I swear I’m getting to a point!

Difficulty reading.

A lot of the media Jake consumes is picture-based. Movies, comics, even the puzzles are most likely spacial and probably not riddles. It’s not far to imagine Jake might not be a terribly good reader, considering nobody was really around to make him read. Of course, his grandmother was around when he was little, so he can read -- and he can read just fine. But he probably isn’t very good at it simply from lack of practice. He also has terrible grammar, something Jane picks on him for, so it’s entirely possible that’s a contributing factor. He may just have trouble reading and writing.

Speaking from experience, I have dyslexia. As such, reading and writing are incredibly hard for me. I never read the books in my literature classes -- both in English and French -- but I did get the gist of the books (enough to get a decent mark in the class at least) by watching a movie adaptation of the novel. I don’t think it’s that far-off to think Jake may, indeed, do the same thing.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

NOTE: This next part is a bit hard for me to write, because I don’t want to vilify any of you. It might not have clued in on anyone or maybe you just saw Jake as a sort of comic relief and meant no harm by it. And I hope shining a light on this will make you all think twice about the guy. However, I can’t really avoid this next part, and I may get a bit emotional in it. Just a bit of a warning.

All of the above points are just me trying to say Jake probably has undiagnosed learning disabilities and perhaps autism. I don’t think I need to go into detail about how those don’t make someone “stupid”. If you think that’s the case, fuck you. I can’t argue with ableists, much less do I actually want to. 

NOTE: I wrote a thing on his speech impediments. That may be of interest too. I don’t really know, but here it is nonetheless.

My take-away message here is: just because someone struggles with socialization or other things doesn’t mean fucking anything in terms of their intelligence. Jake is very clearly smart and has the ability to read people incredibly well -- to the point of making copies of them! Perhaps it’s just a bit easy to underestimate the guy compared to other characters, though.

There are other things that muddy this up a bit, unfortunately.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Trolling.

Jake is such a fucking troll. Jesus shitting Christ, does he get a kick out of acting stupid just to make the other person look silly. Or perhaps even to make himself laugh in the process. Case in point:

uu: I WILL JUST BE YOUR PATRON DUDE. uu: OR MAYBE. YOUR PATRON MANBRO. GT: Sounds pretty gay. uu: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? GT: Whats what? uu: GAY. WHAT'S GAY YOU IDIOT FUCK. GT: Oh right. GT: Forgive me i forget you arent familiar with all of my earth lingo. GT: Its like... GT: How do i explain. GT: You know. Its a rather old fashioned term for being jolly and festive together. GT: Like "that rollicking time we had scrumming the other eve sure was gay." uu: I SEE. uu: THEN YES. YOU ARE CORRECT. uu: THIS IS GOING TO BE GAY AS HELL. (x)

Look at his goddamn face during this exchange:

That little bastard knows exactly what he’s doing. 

And these aren’t stand-alone events! Jake is very, very silly and will use the fact others see him as stupid to have a little fun. May as well, right? And, in the process, he makes others look pretty damn stupid. 

But sometimes it’s a bit hard to tell when he’s acting stupid against when he’s genuinely not getting something. I think he even fools himself sometimes! So you have to be a bit careful about fake-outs. I’m sure even the other alphas have trouble deducing when he’s doing this -- which only adds to the myth of him actually being “stupid” when viewed on first-glace.

He probably also does this with crushes, purposefully ignoring the signs because he doesn’t want to deal with it or may not believe anyone could like him that way. After all, if he’s wrong, he may think himself to be conceded and having a big head. So, he ignores the signs, thus convincing himself the feelings aren’t there. Then he gets absolutely fucking bamboozled beyond belief to find out they actually do like him. But that’s just a little side-note.

Thinks he’s stupid.

This one is just a bit... Sad. Very sad. Jake genuinely does think he’s stupid. Quite a lot, really. 

GT: I shoulda asked where he fit into the picture if you were raised alone. I can be dumb as a bag of penny candy sometimes. (x)

Just... Man, he’s been called and treated as stupid so many times, he’s at the point where he believes it. If you asked him, he’d say Dirk is a genius, Roxy is always smart and sassy, and Jane is brilliant. (I don’t have a source for that last one but... Come on. She lectures him about grammar. Don’t fuck with me.) But when it comes to himself? He can’t say the same. Of course he then acts that way. He sees himself as a burly adventurer who is also a gentleman and tries to live up to that. No where along those lines does he think he’s intelligent. And that’s just... a little heartbreaking, really, all things considered.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Can’t believe this blog is just me going, “Wanna see how fast I can talk about Jake?”, and a shit-ton of people all nodding before I talk for six hours straight. Anyway, take-home message is: Jake’s smart. Jake’s very, very smart. He’s also a himbo, but he’s incredibly smart. Just because he has learning disabilities doesn’t mean fuck-all. 

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. There are drinks and refreshments in the back. Have a safe trip home. Remember to tip your waiters and waitresses. Jesus fuck can I run this gag any harder into the ground? Giving me language was a mistake. No but, really, if you read this whole damn thing, thank you! I hope this was as fun to read as it was to write.

[larksinging]

what are some of your favorite yang headcanons? since i don’t often talk to you about rwby stuff

me tripping over pages and pages of yang headcanons: 

okay im not gonna talk about her disability stuff because fuck it thats CANON people just didnt notice it because it was subtle

wait okay let me instead talk about another one of my favorite things to analyze: where do you think ruby learned to never talk about her problems ever!!

okay i have a lot of thoughts about the fact that yang.... is actually a super reserved person? she puts on this outgoing positive attitude but i think thats very much something she puts on. everything about the yellow trailer screams “theres more going onto yang than it looks like”, and yet 90% of the fandom cant see past that. but anyway. i dont think her beacon-era personality is a LIE, per say, but its... exaggerated. 

i mean god i think people forget that the only times we see her open up are 1) to blake in burning the candle, when she uses her personal story as a means of convincing blake to her point and not actually to open up. shes being clever here and appealing to something serious. and 2) in vol 5 to weiss when shes already incredibly emotionally unstable and she knows like, ruby and weiss saw her outburst and now weiss kinda has her in a corner. thats not the kind of behavior from someone who is used to and comfortable talking about herself!

anyway i dont think its really all the surprising consider she gets hit by abandonment issues AND having to basically take care of her little sister at a young age. so yang closes up her own feelings because she thinks thats best (which ruby clearly learns from and then, whoops, youve got two sisters with issues opening up)

buuut moreso than ruby i read yang as someone who... spent a lot of time making herself palatable. like cmon she’s a prep, at first glance she seems easy to understand and digest, shes friendly and caring but doesnt really ask much of herself. THATS someone who doesnt want to be a hassle or complicated or an issue because shes worried people will leave her. except that’s kind of mixed in with... letting people make assumptions about her and not really bothering to correct them, bc its easier if people leave because they had a shallow view than if they leave bc they knew the REAL you 

i mean we see a lot of this break down after beacon. parts of vol 5 and later 6 she hits a more even like... occasionally being cheerful, but not the overwhelmingly sunny she was in beacon, so thats propely closer to an actually healthy place for her. but in vol 5 after dealing with raven and the front half of vol 6 shes... very irritable and frustrated and... dour. i mean talking about vol4 and yang’s depression and mental health is like a post all in of itself so ill stop before i get sidetracked

ANYWAY yeah i think people dont appreciate how much of yang is actually kind of constructed because she thinks itll protect herself and people around her but what can you do

SOME LIGHTER HEADCANONS yang is the only one of team rwby who can cook. ruby and blake could probably cook enough to survive in a pinch but yang is the only one who can like, cook an edible Meal 

coco was her lesbian awakening, because of course

its a little note but yang has this particular look when shes... insecure thats head down + looking up so her eyes are almost hidden by her bangs (it happens twice i swear) and it could be nothing but also i think yang has a tendency to want to hide her eyes when emotionally volatile because. well. when your eyes are a LITERALLY tell to your emotions, and you kind of like to keep your intense emotions locked up....

tl;dr yang xiao long is a disaster who doesnt know how to be honest about her feelings and maybe that was a bad idea

[sadrien]

wanna chat? pt.25

on ao3 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25

alright!!! so this chapter is a little special. its a contest!!!!

for literally no reason at all, i decided to have a little fun with this chapter. in this chapter, there are a bunch of pop song references. the majority are from the early 2000s (before 2010, tho there may be one or two from 2011 or 12) and one is from the 90s. whoever can list the most references wins a drabble/short fic of their choice from me!

to enter, submit a list of all the songs that were referenced in this chapter (or the ones you could find!!)

shoot me an ask if you have any questions~!

mental support = nino, ebony = alya, draco = adrien, vampire = alya

i hope you enjoy!

17:20

mental support: a reminder that i hate all of you

ebony dark’ness dementia raven way: u love u s

mental support: i can t believe you just made me listen to all of that what the fuck

draco malfoy: Now You Know

mental support: i wish i didnt

ebony dark’ness dementia raven way: its so good so iconic also the writer is now a fukcing awesome published author and mari and i r gonna read her books together join us we can b the nerds with a book club

mental support: i just spent several hours listening to you three do a dramatic reading of my immortal i think weve gone past nerds with a book club

ebony dark’ness dementia raven way: sounds fake

vampire: You cant say that wasnt a lot of fun though I forgot how wil d that fic got

mental support: i need to process

draco malfoy: Have fun

  5:02

draco malfoy: Reasons to quit modelling: Early morning shoots

draco malfoy changed his name to asleep in makeup

asleep in makeup: I can’t wait to be done today

  9:34

mental support: i am so sorry dude fingers crossed that your dad stops sending you to them

ebony dark’ness dementia raven way: ^^^

mental support: al babe please change your name

ebony dark’ness dementia raven way: f i n e uhhhhhhhh

ebony dark’ness dementia raven way has changed their name to aint no lie

aint no lie: baby bi bi bi

mental support: i dont know what i expected

aint no lie: pls choose a lyric and join me

mental support: youre ridiculous why do i love you

mental support has changed their name to fool for you

aint no lie: lmao sap

fool for you: true

  10:02

vampire: Oh my god we have so man y orders to day Wont be on Im dying Im gonna dronw in frosting

vampire has changed their name to too many cookies

fool for you: uhhh no such thing let me know when youre on your break i wanna stop in and say hi and also steal some baked goods pull you away from baking for a bit

too many cookies: My knight in shining arm or  <3

fool for you: mostly hoping for cookies deemed unworthy to sell but yes i can work with knight

too many cookies: At least youre honest

13:35

asleep in makeup: Get me out og hits hous e

aint no lie: omw get ready to leave boy i was in the area on a walk

asleep in makeup: Thnak s

  13:46

fool for you: let me know if i can do anything ok?? if you need to stay the night or something that super chill my moms wont mind besides they keep trying to invite you all to dinner

too many cookies: Same as what Nino said!!! And also what!! I love your moms Id love to go to dinner??????

fool for you: yeah but theyre gonna tell embarrassing stories

too many cookies: You say that like I wasnt there for most of them

fool for you: yeah but adrie nand alya werent

too many cookies: Ok true true

19:11 in PM between too many cookies and alseep in makeup

asleep in makeup: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6J1-eYBbspA

too many cookies: Why the fuck

asleep in makeup: I’m with Alya We’re listening to 2000 hits from the US

too many cookies: Of course you are Are you having fun And feeling better??

asleep in makeup: Yeah We’re cuddling and making fun of the music videos Mostly the fashion Also her mom brought home some food from the hotel so we don’t have to eat ramen which is both awesome and a disappointment

too many cookies: Mhm How hard are you pining

asleep in makeup: Shut up

too many cookies: You love me

asleep in makeup: Unfortunately Why are our friends just so Great Good Incredible Sos I’m getting emotional about them Mari I really love them what did we do

too many cookies: We have really great taste obviously

asleep in makeup: Man I have shitty luck

too many cookies: Or the best

asleep in makeup: That’s your department

too many cookies: True tru e Are you going to survive??

asleep in makeup: Yeah Cuddling with Alya is unfairly nice

too many cookies: Tell me about it Anyway why this song

asleep in makeup: Because I love you and just wanted to remind you

too many cookies: This is the worst way to tell me that But I love you too I have to go help my mom with dinner but Ill talk to you later <3 Have fun Dont die

asleep in makeup: No promises

20:02 in fucking clock hearts

aint no lie has renamed this conversation to tell your boyfriend if hes got beef

too many cookies: Wha t

aint no lie: THAT IM A VEGETARIAN AND I AINT FUCKING SCARED O F HIM

fool for you: what the fuck

asleep in makeup: We’ve been watching music videos for like 3 hours

aint no lie: im liv in g

asleep in makeup: My dad would die if he saw any of the outfits people are wearing in these

aint no lie: american pop music from the 2000s is wild join us

fool for you: i thik im good

asleep in makeup: Youre not

aint no lie: were not falling in love were just falling apart :/

too many cookies: Im too tired for fake deep al

aint no lie: rip im sorry babe

fool for you: can i break into the bakery and get a cookie i need sugar

too many cookies: Cn I convince you to watch a show with me or something

fool for you: duh

too many cookies: !!!!!!!!! Let me know when you get here Im just at the foot of the stairs braiding my hair Ill let you in  

  20:15

aint no lie: bo y why are all of 3oh3s songs fucking icon ci

too many cookies: 3oh3 is that supposed to like Mean somethin g

aint no lie: idk its just another word i never learned how to pronounce

too many cookies: RIp

fool for you: yo mari im here

too many cookies: !!!

  20:25

aint no lie: a;lsdkfjasdf things i apparently need to do add chloe on snapchat

fool for you: yo why

asleep in makeup: She just sent me a selfie of her wearing designer shades just to hide her face cause she took her makeup off

aint no lie: she is???? weirdly chill snapchattin g marhs whtf

too many cookies: Whtf???

fool for you: what hell the fuck

asleep in makeup: That might have to do with us having been friends since we were like In diapers Chloe isn’t the best person but we still talk for a reason

aint no lie: fair

fool for you: i follow her on twitter for her rants theyre ridic they make my day

asleep in makeup: Oh uh Nino can I come over when you’re done at the bakery?

fool for you: yeah of course dude!!! that offers always there

aint no lie: >:(

too many cookies: I take it you two had this argument alread y

asleep in makeup: Yup I feel bad invading Alya’s space for so long

aint no lie: youve been around all night before!!!!! its not a big deal!!!!!!!!!!! the party dont stop

fool for you: want me to steal some cookies from you

asleep in makeup: Stealing is bad

aint no lie: why are u leaving me!!!!!!!!!!!

too many cookies: Ill let Nino tak ethe cookies then its not stealing Also cant you have this con vo irl??

asleep in makeup: Yeah but this is better

aint no lie: yeah also were comfy on the couch and itd be weird to yell at each other when were sitting like this

PM between asleep in makeup and too many cookies

too many cookies: Rip

asleep in makeup: Please don’t make this worse

too many cookies: Come on Romeo

asleep in makeup: That’s not my name

too many cookies: Fiiine You ok?? I know youre going over Ninos Hes getting ready to leave btw but he just mentioned that in the main chat

asleep in makeup: Yeah I just Its been a really really messed up week

too many cookies: Fair enough Let me know if you need anything ok???

asleep in makeup: Thanks <3 Going from Alya to Nino will be fun

too many cookies: Tonight your e fallign in love

asleep in makeup: Very funny But let me know if you need anything too Ok???

too many cookies: I will <3 <3

in tell your boyfriend if hes got beef

fool for you: ok so how many cookies is too many cookies

aint no lie: there is literally no such thing weve talked about thi s

fool for you: i bet if you eat too many you could die

aint no lie: come on let me shake up ur world and change ur life eat All The Cookies

fool for you: thats too many cookies

aint no lie: eat all the cookies an d die

fool for you: youre just jealous that adrien is coming over

aint no lie: please this isnt even jealousy >:/

fool for you: bruh oh btw im leaving in like 2 minutes gonna steal you away from alya

aint no lie: n e v e r

asleep in makeup: Please save me she’s been playing the same song for like half an hour

aint no lie: listen hot stuff im in loe vwith this son g

fool for you: let the beat rock dude

asleep in makeup: Mari pl e a s e

aint no lie: i cant stop cause im haivng too much fun!!!!!!!

  21:35

aint no lie: i cant believe ive been betrayed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fool for you: youre so dramatic

aint no lie: this is the worst thing to ever happen o t me

asleep in makeup: Its not enough to say that I miss you, is it

aint no lie: no >:( tell me what i wanna hear and that is that ur coming bcak

asleep in makeup: Sorry Al

fool for you: yeah ive got a blanket fort set up still from last time so i win

aint no lie: shi t

too many cookies: Youre all ridiculou s You need to come back down t o earht Weve got bigger problems than this Liek the fact that I canT FIND MY SCISSOR S

aint no lie: r i p

fool for you: theyre under your chaise

too many cookies: What

fool for you: check

too many cookies: ……. Holy s hi t HO W

fool for you: magic

aint no lie: u might no t believe ur eyes but ninos magic

asleep in makeup: I thought I got away from this

aint no lie: nope <3

[kockmin]

Jikook Fic Recs #2!

Since I just started uni and things will get even busier as the days pass by I thought why not make another jikook fanfic recs so here you go! Also thank you guys for 3k+ followers (super late “thank you” gift) ❤️

Fic recs part 1! 

Alright let’s do this! In no particular order:

E[Love] by busanmelodies (One-shot)

“Calculate the expectation of love.

OR

alternatively, 16k+ of self-indulgent romantic crack, unnecessary dialogue and really bad math humour as reluctant math major Jungkook sets out on his quest for love.”

AHHHH this was incredibly cute and funny, I never knew I could like a math!au so much? I think most people would think “but math is boring”, but hear me out, this fic is so interesting it hooked me in and I really enjoyed it, I couldn’t even put my phone down one minute haha. The math jokes are great and I thought that little math idea (E[love]) towards the end was amazing! I think the author was really creative and I like how they implemented all of bangtan on this au as well, I thought it was pretty cool! This fic is super long with some suggestive themes (*wink* *wink*) and definitely worth reading, so check it out if you can!!

Red by dalliance (One-shot)

“Jimin thinks his luck has hit absolute rock bottom when he’s made to stay with a total stranger in a lodge due to a mix up for three months.”

I think I’m a sucker for painter!Jungkook/Jimin and this was a really good fic. It showed a lot of Jimin’s character development since he basically doesn’t want anything to do with Jungkook at first, so thanks Jungkook for being so persistent (yay!). Jungkook is an actual angel and Jimin is able to address his problems in this fic, plus there’s these really cute scenes too! Paintings and colors and other art related things are involved (obviously) so it’s nice to see Jungkook’s perpective on it as well as Jimin’s. The ending made me want more of this fic though tbh xd.

No Strings Attached by graesun (Completed) (M)

“Jungkook likes his job, but sometimes he wishes he had someone to do it for him.”

Okay so this is a fic with camboy!Jungkook and I never knew I had a thing for camboy AUs until I read this fic ugh it’s so good; also thank you Taehyung, but what the fuck Taehyung xd. I think it’s kinda funny how Jungkook and Jimin come together (no pun intended?). Jimin is really nice, I think the author did a good job trying to not make Jimin appear as a creep haha, you can tell Jimin really cares about Jungkook. This fic is also fluffy at times yet, it still has some angst in it The fact that you just see them moping around not doing anything is so frustrating like just cuddle each other or something pleasE. It has a happy ending though so that’s good and I’m still waiting on that bonus chapter hehe.

More fics below!

You’re ripped at every edge (but you’re a masterpiece) by kafeuka (Completed?) (M)

“Jimin swore there was nothing worst than having Jeon Jungkook as a sergeant.

(Or,

In which Jimin was forced to enlist in military and he was under the sexgod Sergeant Jeon’s monitoring division and god, Sergeant Jeon really needs to stop being a douchebag)”

This fic ripped me into pieces and still as my heart dammit. I didn’t know whether to put it as complete or not because technically it is complete, but it has a sequel on the works (you can check it out here) so it’s not really complete xd. Anyways I thought this fic was a pretty cool AU and we get to know a bit about Jungkook and Jimin’s background which makes us understand why they act that way on certain occassions. I think the interactions between them are interesting too because they should hate each other and they kinda do, but also kinda don’t? They (mainly Jungkook) seem really confused about their feelings (someone help this poor boy). There’s smut tho so you’ve been warned! Ah the ending felt really sad, I kept wanting more! I hope the sequel gets updated soon haha.

After Hours by pinkmonnie (Completed) (has some Taegi in it and a little Namseok)

“Jimin has been working at the same place for three years, watching as the world around him moves along in a busy hype. Although he enjoys certain aspects of his job, particularly since Min Yoongi became his manager, over time he gradually felt the usual rhythm begin to weigh him down.

Taehyung, his closest friend, comes to Gwanghwamun Starbucks for two reasons - free drinks or food if he’s feeling peckish, and to stare at Yoongi with a lump in his throat.

One night, Taehyung brings along a new friend.”

Seventeen chapters may sound a little bit intimidating, but I think it’s a really cute fic and straightforward!Jungkook is great tbh. Most of the plot revolves around the café Jimin works at so it gives it a homey feeling where most of Bangtan can hangout and be comfortable with one another. Jungkook also knows how to draw which is a plus in my book, and his relationship with Jimin is incredibly adorable with Jungkook also being kind of shy at times? You can clearly tell this guy is whipped and that Jimin is grateful for him. The fact that there’s no smut makes me think that the relationship is pure and really fluffy xd. Since I use the “Show entire work” option on AO3 I didn’t even feel how long the entire fic was so that’s good I think xd.

Constraint by Harlot (One-shot) (M)

“Jungkook is young and he is more acquainted with confusion and poor-decision-making than he’d like to admit. Despite being only 19 years old, he sometimes argues that he’s been through and seen some shit. He is never sure where he’s going to end up and he’s not entirely sure what kind of future is waiting for him. He is often not sure of a lot but he is certain—absolutely certain—that he’s not gay. Alternatively, a story in which Jungkook meets Park Jimin and doesn’t like him whatsoever. There’s just something about him… there’s just so much about him. Jungkook really can’t stand him. In fact, he can’t stand him so much he can’t quite seem to get him off of his mind.”

ThIS SINFUL MASTERPIECE OMG y’all probably already read it, but it’s so good I had to put it in here. You can see Jungkook tries so hard to get Jimin out of his head, but he can’t (I feel you kookie) and he is an asshole about it. Jimin makes me want to wrap him with a blanket and snuggle him, but also he’s really sexy at times(which is real life Jimin actually). I like that you can see them become close friends too! Which makes the teasing much more enjoyable xd. It’s also really great to see Jungkook come to terms with his sexuality later on in the fic,  and ofc, as if it wasn’t clear enough, there’s SMUT guys (and very good written smut imo) so don’t say I didn’t tell you xd.

Extra!

This isn’t really that jikook-y (?). I think it’s centered more on bangtan’s friendship with maybe some hints of pairings, and it’s angsty af so I’m into it xd

Little boy, Fat Man,? by monsterplaza (aesthesiae) (One-shot)

“Yesterday, the biggest worry on Park Jimin’s mind was how he’d get Jeon Jeongguk back for scribbling on his phone case. Then, a nuclear strike ravages the heart of South Korea, and it’s a battle for survival.”

So basically it’s an apocalypse AU (Nuclear warfare) in South Korea and BTS does exist, but they get separated since they have to look for their families to check if they’re okay, so the story mainly follows Yoongi, Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook in they journey of not dying and finding help xd. THERE’S CHARACTER DEATHS THO SO YOUVE BEEN WARNED. I cried so much guys, like, how can they be so unlucky lmao; but yeah I had to include it because I really like character death for some reason. This fic was pretty interesting because of the plot and it just leaves you thinking about the world afterwards like wtf (Hopefully this scenario will never happen ofc). Anywayss, if you’re into that stuff you could check it out!

There you go guys! I try to make these recs as short as I can so the post doesn’t get too long and boring, but you can hmu if you want more fics :) Also I don’t know if I should point out who bottoms and who tops in these fics since I don’t really pay much attention to that, so let me know if you’d like me to do that. 

Thanks again for 3k+ and im sorry i didn’t do anything for 3k (I’m really lazy I’m sorry!), but I’m grateful for all of you! Happy reading and don’t forget to support our boys! (and ship jikook lmao)

[cuatrotrece]

rate jojos you know with hsm songs

ayyy this’ll be a long post lmao not entirely sure if you want to take it seriously or not

jonathan - the start of something new

pure melody but also foreshadowing the beginning of a huge legacy. mostly self explanatory in the tittle

important quotes:

“Living in my own worldDidn’t understandThat anything can happen”

this is a reference to jonathan’s world, being part of a wealthy english family with a nice father and a beautiful dog called danny who i love. and how everything changed when the dio nation attacked

“I never believed inWhat I couldn’t seeI never opened up my heartTo all the possibilities”

this is a reference to his meetup with william zeppeli and the way he literally opened his heart by hitting his lower chest to change his respiration and develop his control over hamon

overall: even if youve seen this movie millions of times, this is a song that always gets you because its literally what started everything. like jonathan, its something you cant miss because it gives you the introduction to a really lasting legacy

joseph - work this out

during battle tendency joseph works his way out against the odds presented

important quotes:

“How did we get from the top of the Worldto the bottom of the heap?”

joseph was an amateur hamon user but overall his wits and ability to predict even what his oponent would say (also the general wealth given by his heredity and the speedwagon foundation) have him a p decent life until he reached the bottom of the heap being given one month to train and defeat vampire gods or his life would end by internal poisoning

“Weve got to work, work, work this outWell make things right, the sun will shine”

(clearly a reference to hamon being the manifestation of the energy given by the sun)

it also references the team work and bonds he’s developed with his battle tendency squad who helped him train

overall: im mostly fond of this song because of the sound (shsdfhsshhhhhh) it created, it pumps you up with energy to defeat the odds. in a similar way, joseph is smug in his teenager way, also known as being reckless, but his overall attitude makes the whole situation super pumped out and it gets into the spectator being one of the best jojos. work this out is not my fav hsm song but it sure is between the tops (unlike joseph, who is my fav jojo so far)

also wanna clarify he and caesar are totally i dont dance which is my fav song of hsm2 so,

jotaro - scream

 the edgyness in this song is so on point that only edgelord mcdolphin can cut through it. as the title says, “scream” is clearly a reference to the ORAORAORA that star platinum, well, screams, as it is reference by d’arby jr when saying “are you gonna hit me with both arms while doing the ora ora thing?” like. come on.

important quotes:

“They won’t say which way to goJust trust your heart”

this references the search for DIO once they’re in egypt, but have no clue where he might be. the last part also references when star platinum stops his fucking heartbeat to survive like wtf

“I’m kicking down the wallsI gotta make them fallJust break through them all”

self explanatory

overall: even though the thematic of self confussion conveyed by troy does not match jotaro since most of the time he is either sure or really good at pretending he is sure, the edgyness of this song and my lack of appeal to most hsm3 songs but like. 5 songs. relates to my opinion to jotaro. being hsm makes me immediately like it, but its not between my preferences

josuke - we’re all in this together

this one’s kinda hard since im not up to date with diu. also as yve noticed the jojo pattern follows the first jojo with a hsm I song, the second with a hsm II song and the third one with a hsm III and sadly, or luckily, there is no hsm IV song. however we are all in this together as ive seen conveys the incredibly squad protection vibe josuke has with his squad and always gets into my heart

important quotes:

“We finally figured it out (yeah, yeah)That all our dreams have no limitationsThat’s what it’s all about“

this references josuke’s journey/discovery of the arc and arrow which allows other people to have stands and meeting them as the part continues. it also references the evolution of acts in stands

“We’re all in this togetherAnd it shows when we stand hand in hand”

this references his wholesome relationship with okuyasu, not only due to their bond through diu but also because of STAND and (the HAND)

overall: as said with the start of something new, this iconic song brings a lot of emotion due to the fact that when u listen to it you just need you need to sing it. however, the whole inclusion of the cast makes this song even pumpier and is really catchy also it makes you know the dance if you saw the propagandas where they taught you the coreography so yeah thats what josuke makes me feel lmao

[ralphmorgan-blog1]

30 Reasons To Leave Your Hometown Before You Turn 25

Hamza

Moving away from home in my early 20s has helped me become stronger, more aware, and most of all, more thankful. This article is intended to help illustrate how and why I think its a good idea to leave your hometown at a young age.

Ive made some pretty good decisions in my life. I can confidently admit that. Ive done a lot of things in my life that Im happy about. There are a lot of times I can reflect back on and genuinely be glad that I made a certain decision and it led me to where I am now.

For example, Im genuinely glad that I worked hard in school and that I was receptive to my parents when they were telling me education was important. Even though I didnt make straight As and often got into arguments with my parents about my grades (I thought a B was good enough), my good GPA allowed me to get into a good college and actually made me one of the first in my family to graduate with a four-year degree.

Along with that, Im happy about the college I chose and made the friends that I did. I dont know where I would be without a lot of the people in my life, and I owe a lot of that to my 4 years spent at Duquesne University.

However, up to this point, there is nothing I can be more thankful for than the fact that I moved 1,100 miles away right after college. This arguably has taught me more about life, myself, and others than anything else ever has. I wanted to share some of the things Ive learned along the way, which again is the intention of this article.

I am writing this with two people in mind.

Person 1

The person who is currently living in their hometown without a real reason to stay there. Maybe you have considered moving away from home before, but something keeps holding you back. Youre not sure what it is. Maybe its the fear of the unknown, maybe you dont want to be lonely, maybe youre trying to be smart with money (I get it), or maybe its just the simple fact that you like where you are and dont want to leave.

Person 2

The person who actually has moved from home, has had a great experience, and can relate to some of the incredible things that happen as a result of trying something new.

So, coming from somebody who was once Person 1 and now happily can consider himself in the Person 2 category, Ive come up with 30 reasons to illustrate why moving away from home was the best decision of my life to date.

(Disclaimer: Before 25 years old was not meant to be exact. This list is true for many other ages. The main overarching point is that moving somewhere new at a relatively young age is really helpful starting out.)

Here is the list, based on my personal experiences…

1. You will learn what it means to be truly independent.

You will learn what it takes to not rely on others for assistance with every little thing. Youll figure out what to do if your tire pops, when your air conditioner breaks, when you dont know what to cook for yourself without immediately relying on family and people you know. It feels good to figure things out on your own.

2. Conversations are easy and interesting.

People in your new city will find you interesting and ask about where youre from. Youll do the same for them and it will be fun to talk about similarities, differences, and past experiences.

3. You arent tied down with commitments.

If youre going to uproot your life and do something entirely different or risky, you might as well do it before having kids, a family, and multiple established reasons to stick around. When else will you get to do it?

4. You can start completely fresh.

If youre unhappy with your life at home, need a change, or made some mistakes, it can be hard to move forward. If you want to re-brand or re-invent yourself, moving away allows you to start over with a clean slate.

5. Drake was wrong new friends.

There is no such thing as not making new friends. Well there is, but its boring. There are plenty of ways to make new friends in a new city. After moving to Florida and seeing others do the same, I reflect back on how everybodys group of friends is now completely different from what it once was. And nobody has lost their original friends just gained new, great ones. Its always fun when your hometown friends come together with your new friends too, so it helps you look forward to those kinds of meetings as well. On top of that, I met a great girl who I likely wouldnt have met had I not come to Florida.

6. Networking opportunities effortlessly happen.

You will meet people that will change your life from a professional or personal standpoint. Ive met so many people in Florida that have helped me move up professionally as well as helped me develop spiritually. This will effortlessly happen when you move.

7. New skills that wouldnt happen otherwise.

Youll learn new skills by moving away from home. I got golf lessons in Florida, which is something I likely never would have done in my hometown. Also, I now know a ton about data analytics and all sorts of paid media, which may not have happened had I not made the leap.

8. You hear different perspectives.

Gaining new perspectives is a huge part of moving away from home. At home, you only know the perspective of people who had a very similar experience to yours. You all went to the same high school, knew the same people, went to the same places, and had the same favorite teams. You will meet people whose mindsets and backgrounds will inspire you and maybe even teach you something about yourself that you never unlocked before.

9. Different weather.

Moving from Pittsburgh to Tampa was shocking because I had never gotten so much Vitamin D in my life. Whether its moving from cloudy to sunny, rainy to dry, sunny to cold, you will find new weather which will lead to new things to do, and possibly even an appreciation for what you had experienced before.

10. Different things to do.

I used to always hang out with my same couple of friends, go to the same couple of bars, hang out at the same houses afterward, on the same days of the week, at the same times. And its always the same people at those bars, every time. I do such a variety of things now and its so much more interesting. Moving away from home may freak you out because your mind is trained that there are only a limited number of things to do. But when you leave, you realize that it is all dependent on your location, your friends, the weather, your job, and many other factors that will likely give you so many more options.

11. Your parents already did their part.

Not to be overly harsh, but if youre still living at your actual house, realize that your parents already did their job in raising you, and that you need to not only give yourself some freedom, but give them some as well. I understand easing into real life, but still living at home long after college is pretty drastic, even if it allows you to stack up money. Moving away from home will be good for you and your parents.

12. Learning to survive with insecurities.

There are times youll feel insecure. Walking into a social situation alone. Walking into a new job. Presenting at a business meeting to people older than you. Barely affording rent. Seeing people in better shape than you. But the beauty of it is that you learn to handle this and use it as motivation to get better. If you never experience being insecure and getting through it, youll have a harder time handling situations later in life.

13. Greater confidence.

From learning to deal with insecurities, you gain confidence. You start to realize after a while that youll get in a groove, start learning more, things will start clicking, and youll get better at things. You will have way more confidence knowing you made it there yourself. One day youll look around and realize wow, I have a nice place, a car I paid for by myself, and a whole group of friends in a new state. Its amazing to look back and realize how much youve grown.

14. You discover new interests.

You dont know what you dont know. Moving to a new place might introduce you to something you didnt know existed. I know people who have experienced moving away from home to different states and ended up going down paths they originally hadnt planned because they found something they were passionate about. Some are pursuing their dream jobs now. What is more fun than that?

15. You learn to trust yourself.

When youre in a new place, you often have no one else to rely on except yourself. Yes, there are people you can ask at work, you can phone a friend or family member at home, but sometimes you have to make big decisions on your own. One thing Ive learned is that I trust myself and my gut decisions more. That gut feeling is something I have a lot more faith in now and I usually know that the decision Im making will make sense.

16. Growing closer to your family.

I appreciate my family so much more when I look at my situation now and realize that I wouldnt have gotten here without them. They instilled me with a mindset that made me confident enough to move 1,100 miles away at age 22. They provided me with enough support to get me started. They helped get me through college. When you realize these things, and you dont see them as often, you make it a point to call them, see them, and get closer to them. It just happens.

17. Youll view your hometown more positively.

Sometimes I go over a year without going back home. But when I do go back home, I really appreciate the little things I thought were awful and boring before. For example, Florida (although beautiful) is very flat, and there are just palm trees and similar views everywhere. Now I go home and I really appreciate the basic things like the hills and different views I dont get here. My girlfriend, who grew up in Florida, has encouraged me to appreciate landscapes and views other than palm trees. When she came back to Pennsylvania with me for the first time, I was shocked as to why she thought it was all so beautiful, but now I understand. Its also nice to keep close with hometown friends and of course, family.

18. More career opportunities.

There are only so many jobs within reasonable traveling distance from you. Lets say you have a marketing degree and you live in a suburb of Pittsburgh, PA. There may be 300 jobs available, with 45 of them being in your experience range, with the maximum salary being $45K for the ones you qualify for. You could move to a different city and there could be 800 jobs available, with 160 of them in your experience range, with the maximum pay being $70K for one you could actually get. You could just be missing out on potentially great career opportunities and more money just because of your location and unwillingness to leave.

19. You reflect more.

Moving away from home teaches you to reflect and be alone with your thoughts, in a positive way. When youre in your hometown and youre constantly surrounded by people you grew up with and family members, you may not get a lot of time alone. Especially at home when your parents are asking you questions left and right. When you move away, you can get a one bedroom place and literally be alone for an entire day if you choose to be. With distractions being everywhere these days, it can be comforting and helpful to just get away and reflect.

20. You learn to manage money.

You have to. Ive lived in one bedroom apartments most of my time in Tampa and believe me it gets expensive. New situations means more things you want to do/try, which means more spending. Not to mention Im a caffeine freak (but trying to get better) so I spend at least $3 per day. Anyway, you learn to manage your money. You even learn how to get in a little bit of debt then get out of it which is always fun.

21. You experience the feeling of accomplishment.

This is similar to number 13 (gaining confidence), but with a heavy focus on reflection. It is so nice to look back on your situation, where you came from, and realize how far youve gotten. After 4 years I finally feel established in a new city/state and it is an overwhelming feeling of accomplishment and thankfulness. You will also get new jobs, reach new milestones, and achieve different things.

22. Phones exist.

You can easily call people, see what people are up to on social media, and text. Snapchat is basically real-time. You literally can be 1,100 miles away and know exactly what happened all weekend in your hometown. More often than not, your weekend ends up being more interesting.

23. Traveling exists.

When you move, if you really miss home that bad, or youre just going through a time where you are extra lonely for whatever reason, you can travel. Its never impossible to see people after moving away from home. Depending on where you move to, long weekends can even make sense. Its important to make the most of a long weekend every once in a while. I know people in Florida who travel home for almost every long weekend when theres a holiday on a Monday or Friday.

24. Holidays become more exciting.

Naturally, as you get older, holidays just arent the same as they were when you were younger. However, when you move away to a different city or state, they do get a lot more exciting when you finally get the chance to come home. Holidays such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter become times you look forward to more than ever before. They become reunions. They become so much more special because you havent seen people in so long. Similar to number 2 above, you have so much more to talk abut when you do go home.

25. You will inspire others.

One thing Ive found to be rewarding is that other people get inspired by your own experiences. Ive had friends move to Florida because of a visit with me. My brother saw me succeeding by moving away from home and ended up doing the same. I talk to people at home who say theyd love to try something new. Its good to set an example and inspire others.

26. You have the ultimate freedom.

I dont want to get this one confused with having personal independence. What I mean here is that you can make literally whatever decision you want. You can buy a car. You can get a dog. You can pursue a different field of work. You can make huge life decisions without dealing with the pressure of people around you. While typing this, I realized that a dog and a car were my two biggest purchases to date and Ive told my parents after the fact in both cases.

27. You can make huge mistakes.

Along with number 26, you can make massive mistakes and mess up your life temporarily. You can handle getting fired from a job, you can ruin a friendship, you can make a mistake in a social situation, or you can wreck your car. Making huge mistakes is fine because they will always work out and youll come out stronger on the other side. Moving away from home and having the ultimate freedom allows you to make bigger mistakes that allow you to learn bigger and more important lessons.

28. Feel comfortable making drastic changes.

You can shave your head. You can grow a long beard. You can start dressing a little differently. You can paint stripes on your car, or buy a car in a bright flashy color. You can start rooting for Florida State football (youre welcome Kelly). The point is moving from home allows you to feel comfortable reinventing yourself and just trying things out for fun. You may not even do anything drastic, but there is something cool about knowing you can, and you can feel comfortable. When less people know you, this is easier to do without feeling too weird.

29. Your comfort zone will limit you.

Comfort zones are nice to an extent, but they are restricting. If you train yourself to be too comfortable in your 20s, you may try to be too comfortable in your 30s. You might always lean towards whats easier for your entire life. The same way you make coffee or go for a run to set the tone early in the morning, set the tone early in your life by trying something new when youre young and hungry. That pattern just might follow you for your whole life.

30. Your faith will grow.

Ive naturally had faith in higher powers just from being raised in the church and reading the Bible. However, until you actually experience it in a real life way, you have no idea how much your faith can grow. After moving away, I had to figure a lot of things out, and HAD to have faith. Faith grows when you go through difficult experiences that challenge you. All in all, I would consider myself a work in progress from a spiritual standpoint, but after moving away I am exponentially more aware and more appreciative of Gods workings in my life.

30 things? Thats it?

I could keep going Im sure, but Im sure a small percentage of you even made it this far down the page. If you have, and youre somebody who is debating moving away from home for the first time, I hope this has helped you understand from an insider perspective that there are some great things in store for you if you take the leap.

For people who have already made a move, I hope you were able to relate to some of these points and I hope your experience has been as rewarding as mine. Feel free to comment with which ones in my list of 30 resonate the most with you, or if you have any others you would add about moving away from home.

If you dont fit into either one of these categories, maybe you know somebody who is struggling with the idea of moving away from home, or somebody who has done it recently and is having issues. Feel free to share this with them too!

More From this publisher : HERE

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30 Reasons To Leave Your Hometown Before You Turn 25 was originally posted by A 18 MOA Top News from around

[somedaypast-thesunset]

i just ... dont feel right inside of myself. like something is slowly leaking into my brain. yesterday i slept for a good portion of the day at his house, then went to sleep around 10pm. when i woke up yesterday it was to an alarm at 5:40. i told him the alarm had given me anxiety straight away - i had to search for the phone in my bag and couldnt find it right away. 

he said it was okay and reminded me that its just because the day is starting and if today is not good i have to remember there is a tomorrow and tomorrow might be better. he told me that i have to remember not to give up and to keep doing what im doing because im doing good. 

i dont feel like im doing good. i dont feel like im progressing like i should be but like.. i put some weight on medication solving many issues and it did but it did not solve the underlying issue which i think my doctor recognized right away. 

and i really appreciate my doctor. i really appreciate that there is someone of professional studied calibre to say - hey, you know what. you went through a lot of shit. youre not fucked for not being able to cope. the majority of people dont go through what youve gone through. and they probably wont. 

and thats it you know - like i want a level of sympathy but not pity. i want the understandng of how important it is to my life that i do not have parents or a family. that is a huge defining factor of so many things. and its not because i needed them to take care of me. thats not it at all. i am perfectly capable of caring for myself - in fact; ive done so for most of my life. i cared FOR THEM so its not laziness. its not me going out in the world and crying about how i have to be an adult. ive been an adult since i was 10. like since i hit puberty, ive been an adult. ive taken on adult responsibilities an handled adult situations since i was 10. and thats 17 years. my doctor brought this up himself - he recognized that ive had 17 years of dealing with trauma that most people dont deal with or deal with at amuch much older age when theyre able to cope. i grew up in trauma. i was built by trauma. 

my doctor actually repeats it a lot - you lost both of your parents. like its not the excuse - its the reason why i am struggling. i dont need anxiety about why im struggling or why i cant get better; there is a reason. he is giving me the answer that im looking for. 

last night i was very upset. he asked if i wanted to go for a walk or refocus or stretch or talk about it. but i just felt very very upset. i told him that i had felt very isolated for the past few weeks. but not because i spend time alone. i have no problem spending time alone. i was an only child, i learned to cope with being alone and i found peace in it. being alone is very peaceful. 

but you dont be alone forever. you cant just _be_ alone unless you literally isolate yourself and live off the land. like you have to revert back to cavemen times to be entirely alone. and i’m not interested in that; people realized by banding together you accomplish more and i’m not going to go against proof of a millenium of years. so people; all people - every single person is important. they might not be important to YOU but theyre important to SOMEONE so theyre important, you know? everyone is important; everyone i meet will affect my life in some way. 

but this isolation is not in a lack of meeting people. ive been around people. ive had options and choices to be around even more people. but when im around people and i try to relate with them or have a conversation ... i dont care? like i care, i care about whats happening with them but like i have no sense of relation to them. like theyre hanging out with cousins or family or they have this wedding to go to and their cat dies and its the worst thing that happens or their grandma dies and people are sooo sympathetic and thats not my experience of life? like i have not had that experience of life. so i’m carrying a lot of resentment and bitterness towards life itself right now. and i feel like i have to reprogram myself to be okay that i didnt have the exprience a majority of people have and continue to have. so its kind of an ongoing battle to be like - hey, its okay you dont have a mother. its okay you dont have a father. its okay no one really cares if youre dead or alive. just keep doing you.

i guess in some ways im envious of people who have good mothers. i always wanted to have a good mother. and you know what? it would be amazing to have a good mother right now. even as an adult. that would be really nice. i feel like if i had a good mother i could sit down and chat with her and she would be invested in my life and give me weird advice i dont know if id take but maybe i would and she’d make cookies or maybe shed buy cookies and give them to me but either way im getting cookies. and then you know maybe at the end she slips me 20$ for bus money or something - you know moms and i go off to work or something. 

i’m not really asking a lot of a mom, i guess. i have pretty low expectations. it’d be great if they didnt hurt me. i feel like ive been hurt a lot. even by my father - maybe unintentionally. like it hurt that he didnt care enough to be well. and he couldve. he really couldve. i feel like there was a lot of senseless death around me. i feel like no one cares. like people literally died because no one cares. thats how serious life is. i cant unshake that. its not like a belief i have. its my truth. its what ive lived. 

but im not delusional, you know? i can obviously see people caring. like the bubble i grew up in - no one fucking cares. not a single ass person givesa  fuck and i think we were all developed in our own ways to not give a fuck beyond ourselves because maybe this whole bubble was just survival. 

but i can see it exists. i can see its not beyond a human being to care. i can see it with my own eyes so thats also a truth. but i feel resentful its not a truth for me; as much as i’ve tried to have it be and not just with my parents and not just within my bubble. but it cant be the whole truth because life has variables. 

like i feel very attached to him right now because he is a variable. and i hate to create this like.. level of heavy importance on who he is and who he is to me because to me it feels like life or death. not that iw ould die. its very unlikely i would kill myself over him. like ... theres too many other reasons for it to land on him, honestly. but its life or death of my hope in the world as i know it. this is like the one last shot, one last chance of being proven that not every person i meet is going to be an asshole. that i have atleast the CHANCE for love, support, care & understanding. 

but thats because of who he is. not because i came into it with the hope that hewould do this for me. i never had an expectation for him - ever. i was pretty fed up and just kind of went with whatever was going on in all of life. but he became a variable because as i got to know him, i realized how good of a person he is and how much he cares for me.

one of the biggest things that gives me so much... i dont even know. like something good that is undescribable. he is not like.. some next level person or anything. hes just a normal guy, but because hes capable of being ... i dont even know if its mature or adult because adult men older than him have been worse and have been worse to me. like, to me this is transcendent in a very deep scar that has been within me for a long time regarding men and sex.

i have been treated terribly in most of my relationships. if not all of them. and a good amount of that treatment has come in the form of sex. men have not given a single fuck about me in a relationship when it comes to sex. i am an obligation. they deserve sex because theyre in a relationship with me and thats what we do. thats just how it is. even in terrible times, you know? even in the worst of times, they’d still be trying to fuck. and its fine - really, maybe thats a nature of a man. but if it is - and you overcome that nature to display a level of fucking respect, thank you. 

i think he understood before i said it last night, but i described it outloud - i have bigger problems than your passive need for an orgasm. life is a lot bigger and harder than this. it’s a lot more real. he had made a sarcastic and joking comment when i was scrolling on my phone (in view of him, on instagram) to stop talking to all my boyfriends. my gut reaction was a very stern, rolling of the eyes kind of “sure”. i understood he was joking but to me it was so stupid - so stupid - that even as a joke i wouldnt entertain the idea of it when i do in fact feel anxiety on a constant basis to a point that even thinking about other men or other people in such a way is a waste of my time and something i’m really not interested in. having “more” boyfriends or additional relationships honestly progresses nothing in my life. the relationship and friendship i have with him is acknowledgable as incredibly important. 

i think weve had sex once in three weeks. not because no one is interested in being physical, and not because we’ve become distant in any way, but because its not the most important thing to do right now. its not really really necessary. i believe he almost understands it as just a physical need that is natural like a sneeze or take a shit. which sounds terrible, sex should be more than that - and it is, but when you’re overcome with the need or the urge for such a thing, you may be lonely or you may just have an urge - like an urge for eating mcdonalds or chocolate. you dont need to satisfy that urge by creating multiple parterships and fucking all sorts of people. it can be as simple as jacking off and moving on in your day. 

though, truthfully, i enjoy having sex with him. he’s created a trust level that has allowed me to sincerely enjoy it and when we have sex, even when it’s a quick thing, it feels like he really appreciates that i’m offering my body to him. whether or not i was still fairly asexual, whether or not i had an inherent desire, i was still offering my body to him for him to use. it’s hard not to feel like you’re in a passive/submissive position when you’re the one being prodded; even if you take enjoyment from it. but maybe its just me. i dont know. regardless i feel lik the position is respected. 

sometimes, i feel like a true ‘queen’. he treats me so well and has given me such legitimate deep care. when i speak about even the few things he does for me, on his own accord, i feel like there are some who are envious / jealous and try to express somethig their boyfriend does for them; like it’s an one-up contest. instead of appreciating that there’s someone - anyone - in my 27 years of life who gives a fuck enough to show me such treatment, they try to extole the virtues of their own partners. 

but there are some i feel appreciate it. why shouldnt i be treated like that? why shouldnt he braid my hair, feed me fruit, make me cakes, dance with me to flashdance when im sad? why? i didnt ask for any of these things (i asked for cake) - why dont i deserve someone who wants to do these things? not only does he do this - he frequently, if not on a daily basis, looks at me in clear honesty and tells me i look pretty or that my clothes look good, or my hair looks nice. if i manage to put on makeup, he always acknowledges it. if i dont, i’m still told i’m beautiful. 

one time he told me it and i told him he always tells me it when i kind of look terrible - like i havent showered in a few days or i forgot to brush my teeth or wash my face or brush my hair. i’m a mess, most of the time. he told me he could see “underneath all of that”, as a joke. 

he was - and told me - he’d talk to that girl last night. i fell asleep and he was awake for maybe a half an hour or so but i dont know if he did or not. i truly dont care. i feel like the only reason he cares is a perceived notion tht i have something aganst her personally; which i dont. her existence only matters because of his past connection to her, otherwise i wouldn’t know of her at all. and his past connections are so far in the past and so meaningless to the present that i legitimately dont care. thats not his life or my life or our life anymore. 

and i guess thats kind of a way i grew as a person. and he might not even realize that, which is okay. but like - i’d definitely, in the past, hold a lot of resentment and bitterness and distrust in a person who has done some of the things he has done. but he’s never lied. and that’s like.... that’s real. he has never once even attempted to hide or lie anything. ever. and knowing things makes life better. knowing whats happening around you and why and who the person youre dealing with is and why they do things and what theyve done before - it’s a choice. you can choose to be involved when its all laid out or you can leave. your choice. are you hurt or do you move on? 

i really appreciate that level of honesty for once in my life. for all the liars and theives ad fucked up people ive been around, i need that. and i am a mostly honest person with him. which is bad. like to use mostly is already bad. and if i was entirely honest, it’d probably be okay, but i have shame in what i did. and again - no interest in being with others, so i’ve not been with anyone since weve been together. i havent even spoken to other people. 

this morning he asked how i felt. i said about the same. but he let me wake up in a more natural way instead of rushing me or waking me up himself and it helped a bit. as he was driving me home he said something like, “baby girl, even though you’re upset you still have to find me funny”. i told him i wasnt upset. he said “well sad or unwell or whatever, you still have to find me funny”. as i got out of the car, he repeated that he loved me a few times and to have a good day. i told him to text me later, he told me he’d call and see how i was doing. 

his concern makes me feel like at least taking a shower is worth doing in my day.