#because theyre often a doozie and a half

[blazinginbus1]

#1: (Finding out about Larry anon again. Although I don't know if my other messages actually sent so if you didn't get it just tell me). I'm still bummed out about Larry. I genuinely thought Larry was a made-up ship that fans were obsessively delusional over and I made the mistake of watching their videos and I'm so sad, as terrible as it sounds, to see how close they were. There's a difference between regular bromances, like Ziam, or Lirry, (I wouldn't consider Zouis a bromance because they

never really play up their relationship. Actually they don’t show much of it to the public eye) and Larry. In 2011 to early 2013, they seemed REALLY close. Always touching, always staring, always having sexual innuendos. Sure, maybe that seems like nothing because the other guys do that, but there’s a difference. You can tell when the other guys do it (including Louis and Harry to other people, not each other) that they have the intention of playing around and not meaning anything. Like when Harry went over to Zayn with his candy thong and Zayn bit in right next to his crotch? A joke. 100% funny joke that they honestly would not even think about later or just think anything of it. The guys groping each other, Liam tackling Zayn on stage, the guys saying they’d date each other, kissing each other on cheeks? Hot, but a joke. Nothing serious, nothing actually holding any real meaning behind it other than the fact that it’s funny for guys to be gay with each other for some strange reason. And I just, maybe because I just love Zayn/Louis so much, but I never really took Larry seriously until watching all these non-edited moments of them and literally the majority of them were just private moments. They literally never had any platonic moments. Every moment would be used as a sexual innuendo opportunity, or little tiny winks or touches behind the table or small whispers of sexual flirtation. I just don’t get it? There’s so much I can’t even understand. There’s so many things that can’t be marked as a coincidence. And trust me, I know Larries can be extreme and sometimes make everything about Larry (though that’s usually after 2013 to now). But in 2012, I just can’t wrap my head around it. I don’t like it. Why were they so close? Why did they genuinely flirt, and I actually mean it, actual flirtation (most times actually private and not drawn attention to). Am I missing something? They were so close and suddenly they just stopped? I don’t get it? Either the fans made them uncomfortable with their whole pushing and obsessiveness which explains why they didn’t really interact at all for the next three years (unless they did act like regular and people are over-exaggerating) and they were still close off-camera or they just grew up and honestly just weren’t that close anymore? I have to ask, since I’m assuming you’ve been in the fandom for a while. Did Larry hang out a lot off work together like Zouis in later years? Or was it just in interviews and concerts that they seemed close and they actually weren’t as close as people make them out to be? Which would mean they all were fairly equal in closeness and Larry were just playing in interviews and when there were no cameras around, they weren’t actually that close? have to admit though, when Zayn and Louis were asked if they were in a relationship together, they put their arms around each other’s shoulders and had no problems saying that they were not together. No hesitations, no struggles, nothing. When Louis is questioned, he always says “fans /genuinely/ believe we’re in a relationship, and he always seems walk around the question and struggles? I don’t like the idea of them being together. don’t know. It just bums me out. But were they together? Ever? Or was it just for fun and they really have no interest in each other? I just feel strange because there honestly seemed to be something there in the beginning. But I like Zouis :/ 

I’m so sorry I haven’t responded back to you sooner, babes. However, I did receive your other messages. I’ve just been a little off my game lately, so do forgive me. I’m sorry you’ve been hit with some conflicting thoughts regarding the dynamics of Zayn, Louis, and Harry’s relationships. I really cant tell you what to think one way or another, gorgeous. It’s ultimately your call how you assess it. Just bear in mind there’s a lot more to a friendship than the stuff we see at the surface, so be conscious of that. We only see a fraction of them and how they interact, so I don’t think we could get a really fair assessment of their relationships in their entirety with the little we see or know.

Admittedly, I don’t often discuss Louis and Harry’s relationship too often on here, simply because it attracts a certain kind of attention I’m not necessarily interested in bringing on to my blog. Just to clarify, I’m not into tinhatting, simply put. Any discussions I make about the boys, I speak in metaphoricals and from a place of figuratives rather than solid fact. And I’m sure you do too. I value Louis and Harry’s friendship, as anyone would, but I think the innocence and harmlessness in it has far surpassed its boundaries. They used to be great in public, and didn’t often think too much of policing themselves, so you did see cheeky moments where they joked around and had their fun, not thinking it would be microanalyzed the way it had. They literally were roommates at one point. So of course there was an air of comfort there; there’s no denying that.

However, *I* myself have never really conformed with the idea that Louis and Harry’s interaction were somehow deeper than any of the others. I think it should be known that videos like the ones you’ve mentioned often rely on a little bit of a manipulation tactic in telling you to focus so intently on that *one* particular subject matter or that *one* particular moment, and disregard anything else other ships do similarly that would ‘disprove‘ it, so to speak. Its like putting on horse blinders, and telling you to focus on what they want you to see right ahead; don’t bother looking off the right where so-and-so are doing something as cheeky. They’ve all made comments, they’ve all had their moments of cheekiness with one another, and they’ve all built personal relationships outside of what would be considered work obligations, but there’s an odd double-standard that I myself don’t quite understand. When so-and-so do something, its almost instantly written off as ‘a joke’ or ‘a bromatic moment’, but Louis and Harry doing it is automatically branded as something more? Like I said, darling, I don’t get it. And I’m sorry I don’t have a better answer for you, but that’s just me.

Obviously I cant see the ‘Larry” that others may see, but then again, plenty of people cant see, or choose not to, see the Zouis I see either. Louis and Harry had far less to worry about being interactive and friendly in their younger days because back then, it was still being treated more as a joke, or a figurative thing, a nice concept. But somewhere along the way, the lines got blurred and things got far less innocent and playful, prominently in how the fans reacted to it. Things had to change because at that point, Larry’s interactions didn't just have an impact on them. In fans heralding Larry moments, their real partners—of whom they've publicly declared they were dating—often got harassed. Family, friends, partners, staff. I’d venture to say Louis and Harry didn't think this would be the adverse reaction to them joking with one another.

This is all over the place and I left it on a really open, ambiguous note with no right answer to tell you, because I don't think there is a solid answer here. Feel how you want to about the ships you want. I don't see Larry in a profoundly deeper way that some may want me to, but that's just my outlook and I cant explain why. Louis’ relationship with Zayn is different than Louis’ relationship with Harry, which is different than Harry’s relationship with Niall, and so on. All are valued in such unique ways, and all boys have personal connections and a certain love for one another. That’s just how they are. They were uninhibited, they were shamelessly endeared by one another, and as a dear friend of mine on here says (shoutout @alligatornyc), they're practically made in a lab. Because their big ot5 love fest is so unexplainable, but works so incredibly well. I'm sorry this answer is shit, babes, but I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Continue loving Zouis. Continue appreciating Larry. Hell, maybe even check out some Narry, if that tickles your fancy. But don't feel like you need to place one ship over another; they're all different, but equally as meaningful.

[wishful-soda]

⚠️!!SPOILERS TO ANYONE WHO HASN'T READ CHAPTER THIRTEEN OF "SPEAK OF THE DEVIL" (but if you haven't read it...what're you doing, go and read it!!)⚠️

OKAY THIS IS NOT A DRILL, CHAPTER 13 IS UP!! Literally I was in english class and the notification popped up and I sent the screenshot to my bestie like "AAAAHHH HERE IT IS!!!" she was very excited for me 😌

Ms. Soda, bestie, bro, dear...buckle up cause we gotta talk about this (all good things, I promise!)

But before I get into it, did tumblr eat my ask again?? I sent one uhhh two days ago I think...did it just not show up? this is so sad! 😭

Anyway! here we go...

---

Thank GOD that the reader said "charlie" earlier after leaving Danny's room bc...it just makes things make so much more sense. Did you plan that or was it just a happy accident?

The whole breakfast scene was so like "is Maxy gonna sus them out??" to "awww, theyre like a couple and she can't have this with Danny bc nobody supports ittttt" to general wholesomeness and fluff. I loved it so much!

I love love love LOVE the thought that Daniel is late so often that people tell him to get to places half an hour early hahahah! Some family friends of ours are usually told to get to an event two hours early because they're fashionably late...*always*. but we love 'em for it.

DANIEL! DON'T LEAVE YOUR PHONE! YOU LOVABLE DORKY BEAUTIFUL IDIOT WHYYYYYY. I face palm. I love him, but he's so....ugh, ya know??

"Max laughed, shaking his head like whatever it was a doozy. " boy...if only he knewwwww!!! It was. And he would've known about it if hE REMEMBERED HIS GODDAMN PHONE. It's so daniel-core to be a complete grownass man child. (God these sound so mean, I swear i love him 😂)

It's also just the best thing that he's too busy ogling the reader to even notice Charles' presence. my guy. keep your dick calm please and thank you<3

I must say, when you wrote about him standing outside the restroom with his arms crossed and hands in fists I could only imagine like...a child in a temper tantrum trying not to explode. which is just perfect for him. on the one hand, I live and breathe for the miscommunication trope between two characters, on the other hand I just wanna smack them upside the head like "what're you thinking??" and I must thank you for evoking this emotion out of me.

But then Charles comes up all concerned! he truly is baby and i love him. He's all innocent and just playing along. Except for that smirk when they're at the table. I love it! (and later when he knows what daniel means with the cheesecake comment 👀)

Charles, Charles, Charles....that jealousy comment? I was fully expecting fisticuffs from Daniel. And I mean we got pretty closeeee

...okay i'm just gonna say it now....thank god for tablecloths because what fun would we have without them 😏

BUT AGAIN CHARLES THE BABY WAS LIKE "r u ok??"

Ms. Soda,

I nearly started squealing when I noticed that the chapter was over. Thank you for this masterpiece and I can't wait for the next one!(hopefully no migraine bc Ik that sucked for you)

Sincerely, 💜

P.S. this was an amazing read, thank you for pushing through and getting it to us ASAP, it means a lot to us<3

I so appreciate the spoiler warning, that is wonderful. 🤣 Also I love that you told your best friend, I'm so flattered! I don't have another ask from you from a few days ago, no! 😭

I did plan the 'Charlie' incident! Our reader didn't plan it however, it was a happy accident in her world!

I have no idea why but I just get that vibe from Daniel, that he's one of those dudes who is always late. Maybe I'm just projecting that on to him, but I just feel it okay 😅 Also; TWO HOURS?! that's next level late, what a life they're living.

Literally the entire situation could have be avoided if the idiot remembered his phone. I love him but omfg he really is walnut sometimes.

I feel like the chaos is just next level in this chapter and I stg I didn't plan it that way when I started it, it just got outta control which is the vibe of the chapter so full circle?

Also Charles just slid into the role so well and was so precious and I didn't even expect that, but I'm digging it.

Drink,

I'm so thrilled that you loved it and I can't even tell you how much I appreciate this download of thoughts, I live for asks like this and they just make my day. THANK YOU. ILY BBY!!!! 🥰

[birdbizarre]

the human sex talk

okay trolls listen up heres the sex talk your lusus wont give you

im going to try to keep this as basic as possible because its going to be confusing anyway so if youre human and youre reading this thinking wow davesprite why didnt you bring up x im sorry bear with me

okay

humans have two basic sexes male and female

for trolls this split isnt really significant in terms of reproduction obviously universes vary and i dont know about every troll but the sexual dimorphism between trolls is very low compared to say some of your lusii or native animals i know some universes where trolls dont have sexes at all just genders

for humans however outside of medical and scientific intervention only a male sex and female sex pair can produce a child

males of the species are born with what is called a penis this is roughly analogous to the bone bulge of a troll below the penis where a nook is on a troll are the testicles sometimes referred to as the balls

you then have the what do trolls call it waste chute or whatever thats further behind the balls

and thats all that is down there

the penis is a flesh covered muscle that normally hangs limp in front of the pelvis there is no sheath and it does not retract into the body it is usually smaller than a troll bulge so the average range is between four and six inches its generally the same width all the way usually between like an inch or two inches in diameter

the head of the penis can be slightly wider than the shaft but doesnt have to be you can usually tell where the shaft ends and the head begins because the shape is slightly different usually the skin that covers the penis will also cover the head and then there will be a sort of fold where the urethra is at the very tip

the urethra is a small hole and thats where piss and ejaculate come out but well get to that in a bit

some humans however have the fold before the head leaving the more sensitive skin around the urethra exposed this isnt the way humans are born but its pretty common so its worth mentioning you dont really want to know why so dont ask

when a male sex human gets aroused the human body directs blood into the penis muscle which then causes it to stiffen otherwise it would just be sort of floppy and useless during sex this is called getting hard or getting a boner or whatever else theres tons of nicknames for all this stuff those are just the big two

then there are the testicles or balls that i mentioned before these are about the size of a golf ball i guess im not really sure what the best troll analogue is there i guess if you imagine the size of an eyeball that is removed from someones socket its just a little bigger than that but again sometimes its different depending on the human

these are also covered in skin like the rest of the human and theyre not really important for the act of sex but they play a part in reproduction because inside is the males genetic material theyre pretty much just weird flesh sacks so its sort of boring but some humans like them being touched i dont know

lets skip over to the female sex organs so we can see how they fit together

females have the equivalent of a troll nook collectively referred to as the vagina which is composed of several parts they do not have a penis

essentially you have a hole much like a nook and around that hole are a few flaps of skin for protection i guess you cant just leave a hole uncovered its all sort of shaped like a clamshell if you turned it on its side or a sort of vertically oriented oval so the quote unquote tips of the oval are oriented toward the belly button and the waste chute respectively

at the top of the clamshell though still within the skin folds above the vaginal opening and just barely above the female urethra which is just another smaller hole with no sexual purpose is the clitoris this is the big one boys this is the doozy this is essentially the female penis or bulge except its only about as big as a pea and something like fifty thousand times more sensitive than a penis so tread carefully

unfortunately for most ladies the clitoris or clit for short isnt reproductively relevant its just sort of vestigial so while its great for pleasure it often goes neglected which sort of sounds like a shame if you ask me and probably more than half the human population

anyway

you might be wondering well if the human males have balls to hold the genetic material where is it on the female its on the inside

essentially the vagina is like a tube and at the end of the tube it narrows and theres a very small opening called the cervix which is where the vagina technically ends and past the cervix is the uterus which is like a balloon with two small deflated balloons attached on either side called the fallopian tubes and finally at the end of those deflated balloons are the ovaries and thats where the female genetic material is squirreled away like some sort of dragons hoard except the hoard is squishy little things called eggs and each egg holds all of the females genetic material

now again this is all on the inside

now lets get to the big shabang itself sex

if your planet doesnt use the word sex this is what youd call pailing and some parts of this might get sort of scandalous depending on how into pailing culture you are and if youre from alternia or beforus so im sorry if it makes you blush or makes you angry but youve been warned

sex occurs between all genders but the again the only kind of sex that has reproductive merit and can produce descendants is between someone with male sex organs and someone with female sex organs as described above

when a male becomes aroused and gets a boner he will then part the folds of the female and insert his penis into her vagina carefully because the vaginal opening is relatively small compared to the penis but fortunately its flexible and if the female is aroused it produces a lubricant sort of like pre material if everything goes well and the foreplay was good enough it shouldnt be painful though if the female hasnt done it before aka is a virgin it might take some time

from my understanding troll bulges are prehensile so pailing involves a lot of wiggling in the indoor area but human penises are not so from here it just becomes a lot of thrusting straight forward and back changing positions can change the sensation but its really pretty boring to talk about but in practice its fun because if it werent our species would die out obviously

anyway then climax happens this should be pretty self explanatory even for a troll this is when the genetic material is released

for the purposes of reproduction the female doesnt have to orgasm but if youre having sex and you think its over just because the guy came youre a monster always take care of your partner

now youre going to be thinking wait davesprite you skipped a step no i didnt

the male does not pull out of the female to release genetic material i repeat the genetic material remains inside the female this is where it belongs it might be gross and drippy but that doesnt go anywhere its not collected its not put anywhere

in human reproduction there is no bucket

the males genetic material which is called sperm or semen technically two different parts of the same liquid but people use them interchangeably goes through the cervix and into the uterus then it will go up the fallopian tubes where if the timing is right because the female reproductive system is not always ready and thats a whole other lesson i cant go into right now there will be an egg waiting

the genetic material of the male will attempt to merge with the genetic material of the female in the males ejaculate there are tons of little packets of genetic material thats the sperm i mentioned before and these little packets have tails on them which let them swim up to the egg and then attempt to break in like little horny thugs the egg will attempt to kill them so only the strongest reach the center

if one of the sperm is successful and of the millions and millions of sperm released in the semen only one usually ever makes all the way from the cervix to the egg the egg will be fertilized and then it will move down the fallopian tube and embed in the wall of the uterus

by then the sex is long over but the egg remains in the uterus for nine months longer if you dont know what a month is its basically a perigree so nine perigrees give or take a little and then a baby aka a grub comes out of the mother through the vagina

and thats human reproduction we do it ourselves because thats just the human way

thanks for listening ive been davesprite and ill take your questions now

oh wait

faq number one

yes trolls and humans can have sex because while the parts are different they can usually more or less fit together however this wont make a grub or a baby unless your universe allows it which sort of varies but usually the answer is no

faq number two

humans can do it up the waste chute which is how a lot of gay men aka male humans who like other male humans choose to do it because they dont have a vagina or nook again it is extremely rare that this makes a baby though the multiverse is a big big place

okay there you go now ill take any remaining questions