#big reason getting deadnamed/misgendered constantly for 4 hours straight but also like.
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can someone give me a pill that makes me brave enough to cut contact with my family
#saw my mom/brother/grandpa two days ago and have just been steadily feeling worse and worse since#big reason getting deadnamed/misgendered constantly for 4 hours straight but also like.#it only felt like i was there out of obligation. i felt no love i felt like the ugliest fattest grossest most obboxious person to exist#i can feel my mom judging me for me weight i can feel everyones lack of interest in actually talking to me#when i went for hugs Everyone pulled away after half a second#i always have to put on this persona when i see family to act like im fine and happy to be there but i hate it more and more#and every time i go it feels like they wanted me there in the first place less and less#idk. i dont think i should feel this absolutely horrible about myself every time i see my family
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