#bodevolvescholarship

[onthenewesthorizon]

My Personal Struggle with Weight Loss

R.

Growing up, I was always the 'fat one.' I was that the youngest sibling but still the heavier one. I was eating all of the same food as my friends and exercised twice as hard as them in P.E., but I was still heavier than all of them. I've been hyper-aware of my weight since I was young. I distinctly remember walking down the hallway of my elementary school in the second grade. I was in line with all of my other classmates when I first came to the realization that I was heavier than most of them. This observation clung in the back of my mind and festered and evolved into a great insecurity of mine. There have been several points in my life where fighting this insecurity felt like a ninety-degree upward battle.

I am the type of person who constantly analyzed and investigating my life. I'm constantly on a hunt, looking for problems I need to weed out. When it came to my insecurities surrounding my weight, the most obvious solution was to lose weight. I immediately began asking my mom to purchase workout CDs. She bought CD after CD in hopes that it would encourage both of us on our journey to healthier living. The exercise was great. However, it was rare that I saw results. I didn't understand food. I knew nothing of caloric surpluses or deficiencies or carbs versus protein. I was exercising every night but eating improperly. Since I didn't understand healthy eating, I didn't understand my lack of progress and I felt discouraged. There were bouts of internal encouragement to exercise, but overall, I felt defeated.

For years I struggled with my weight despite changing my diet, participating in Weight Watchers, and exercise. Eventually, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. My diagnosis allowed me to understand the reasons behind some of my struggles with losing weight. However, the insecurity persisted. Through the years it only grew and held my very being. My insecurity bred desperation. By my sophomore year of high school, I'd turned to unsavory methods of weight loss. I was restricting my calorie intake to 700cal or less per day. In my attempt to avoid food, it became the only thing that I thought about. When is the next time I'll eat? What'll be my excuse if I can't eat? How many calories are in this? Well, what about that? What if I can't figure out the number of calories in it? I was terrified of food and the possibility of gaining weight. Luckily, my fear of food and desperation to be skinny didn't completely overcome me. After plenty of therapy and medication, I was able to re-ground myself. I was able to establish a new healthier relationship with myself and food.

After having such a negative experience with food, I actively avoided focusing on my weight. My weight was still an insecurity of mine but, I knew that I could not allow myself to become as consumed with it as much as I had been. I took this time to focus on caring for myself in ways that did not require me to focus on my weight. During this time, I began losing weight slowly and naturally.

In caring for myself, I'd altered my eating and exercise habits. I hadn't changed anything with calories in mind - it was solely about consuming the nutrients I need. I've adjusted my goals. I'm no longer focused on losing 'X' pounds by 'X' date. This is a slow process and I've realized that if I take care of myself properly, my weight will likely fall.

https://mycompletetransformation.com/

[alexis-m-oneal-blog]

BodEvolve Scholarship Essay

Nearly 10 years ago, I suffered a life changing injury to my right knee that would forever alter my ability to be comfortable in my body. I spent an entire summer with my leg immobilized in everything from a cast, to a brace to a bandage all the while I came to terms with the fact that I would no longer be able play the sport that I love or interact with my friends in the same way.

That year, I stopped playing softball. I transitioned from being a child that was always outside in the yard, running around with my little brother to someone who was very depressed and had little motivation to do much of anything-especially if it came to being active. The following year, I hurt my knee again in gym class forcing me to sit on the sidelines for weeks while everyone else played and ran around. This lack of exercise and an decreased rate of overall mobility led to me leading a very sedentary lifestyle. This was fine when I was a younger teenager, as I still had a metabolism that would make most people jealous. My knee has since gotten better, to some degree, but I have never been able to fully regain my past athleticism.

During my first semester in college, I fluctuated in weight dramatically due to long periods without eating consistently interrupted by periods in which I would binge junk food to help get me through the hard days of studying. This led to me developing some weird habits with food, that have since caused me to gain weight in a way that has only made me more uncomfortable with my body. I realized this towards the middle of the COVID-19 crisis, and I began working on ways to better improve my eating habits. This was great-at first. But I struggled to maintain any momentum as the weight of the world felt like it was resting on my shoulders. I am full time, extroverted college student taking classes completely online in an apartment by myself isolated from my high-risk friends and family. Finding the motivation to move away from my computer screen felt impossible most days, as I felt my only real connection to people came from the fleeting images of my classmates on a Zoom call.

This all changed within the last month or so when I found a weight loss community on the social media app TikTok. Through this platform, I met people who were struggling in ways similar to my own as well as those who were willing to go above and beyond the call of action to help motivate the people stuck behind like me. I have now been on a weight loss journey that has pushed me to my limits but also that has shown me the real reward of hard work and dedication. I went from feeling unhappy in my own skin to being proud to walk into a gym-mask on-in tighter clothing that would have given me a heart just two months ago.

https://mycompletetransformation.com/