#bonus wu in the corner but you can barely see her

[hasarjunadoneanythingwrong]

drew this for a friend for a video of theirs

[romcomathon2016]

Crazy Rich Asians (USA, 2018)

This week on Romcomathon, a special bonus edition! We saw Crazy Rich Asians last night. Enjoyed it very much. You should go. You should all go. Tonight. Tomorrow. The day after tomorrow. Heavy spoilers ahead.

Predictions: We predicted that everyone would be crazy, rich, and Asian! (We had both read the book.) Then we saw the trailer and further predicted that everyone would be good-looking, and indeed they were — though, this is a romcom, so we would have predicted that anyway.

Plot: Constance Wu is your above-average Chinese-American gal. You know, teaching game theory at NYU, chilling in cute coffee shops with her cute boyfriend, Henry Golding. Little does she know, her cute boyfriend (who loves to play basketball at a smelly YMCA) is actually the scion of a whole bunch of unbelievably wealthy Singaporeans. When Henry Golding invites her to attend his best friend Chris Pang’s wedding in Singapore, Constance Wu happily accepts, thinking, “No problem! I’ll just charm his family! It’s fine!” But oh no, Constance Wu, it’s not fine. As it turns out, Singaporean high-society gossip travels at the speed of light, and within a matter of seconds — literally seconds — everyone in Singapore above a certain income bracket knows that *GASP* Henry Golding, the most eligible bachelor in the world, is off the market.

No one is pleased is about this, but least pleased of all is Henry Golding’s ice-queen mother, Michelle Yeoh. Nonetheless, Henry Golding, bizarrely oblivious, whisks Constance Wu onto Singapore Airlines, into a phenomenally beautiful private first-class cabin, which...kind of forces him to admit that his family is financially “comfortable.” OKAY, HENRY GOLDING. JUST LIE DOWN ON YOUR AIRPLANE BED AND PUT ON YOUR SOFT FANCY AIRPLANE PAJAMAS BECAUSE YOUR FAMILY IS “COMFORTABLE.” (Weird, though, that he never brought this up during the two years they’ve been together. Did he not think that, at some point, maybe he should mention, “Hey babe, my family pretty much owns Singapore. You know, that really expensive place in Asia?”)

Constance Wu and Henry Golding arrive in Singapore; are greeted by Chris Pang and his fiancée, Sonoya Mizuno; and head off, a foursome, to chow down on some of the most amazing food we’ve ever seen in our lives. Just a normal delicious time between some normal friends, right?? WRONG. The next day, Constance Wu goes to visit her old college roommate Awkwafina, whose own family is not too shabby. They are living in a gold-plated house that her mother based off of the Hall of Mirrors at Versailles. So, you know, it’s very understated. During her lunch there, Constance Wu finds out from Awkwafina’s parents — by the way, her dad is Ken Jeong — that a) Chris Pang and Sonoya Mizuno’s wedding is basically the most important event of the season. Like an inauguration or the Royal Wedding. b) Henry Golding is so rich that Awkwafina’s family’s wealth pales in comparison. Compared to Henry Golding’s family, these knockoff-Versailles-house people are just barely making gold-plated ends meet.

Great! Now Constance Wu is even more nervous! (Nice job not preparing your girlfriend at all, Henry Golding, by the way.) She heads off to Henry Golding’s grandmother’s estate, where his grandmother Lisa Lu is just having “a few friends over,” AKA it’s a huge party at the biggest house we or Constance Wu have ever seen. There, Henry Golding finally introduces Constance Wu to the fam, who obviously see her as a gauche American peasant. Which...look, it’s all relative!!!! Michelle Yeoh, in particular, is Not Impressed and makes it very clear through her politeness how very Not Impressed she is. But it’s okay, guys! It’s Lisa Lu’s opinion that matters — and she seems to like Constance Wu! Yay!

Hold on, though. Before we can get further with Lisa Lu, Constance Wu must attend Sonoya Mizuno’s huge bachelorette party -- on a smaller island that Sonoya Mizuno’s family (literally) owns. Constance Wu feels out of place amidst all this opulence, but luckily she finds a kindred spirit in what turns out to be Henry Golding’s ex-girlfriend. SPOILER ALERT: EX-GF IS NOT A KINDRED SPIRIT. IT IS A TRAP. Everyone terrorizes Constance Wu at this horrible party, except for Sonoya Mizuno. And Gemma Chan, Henry Golding’s favorite cousin, who, besides being genuinely nice, is preoccupied with her husband’s affair.

Upon returning to Singapore, Constance Wu lays into Henry Golding for -- well, OBVIOUSLY. Henry Golding is very apologetic, but also, “We have to go make dumplings with the fam. That’s cool, right?” They go back to Lisa Lu’s manse, where things are going okay, until Constance Wu compliments Michelle Yeoh’s ENORMOUS emerald ring. It turns out that Michelle Yeoh was given this ring by her husband, Lisa Lu’s son, who had to have it custom-made because Lisa Lu wouldn’t give her son the family ring...because she though Michelle Yeoh was not good enough. Sound familiar? Yet somehow, this does not make Michelle Yeoh sympathetic. In fact, she tells Constance Wu all of this simply to preface her announcement that Constance Wu is definitely not marriage material.

HOO BOY. Constance Wu, a bit taken aback, gets a pep talk from Awkwafina, who, along with Nico Santos, gives her a Classic Romcom Makeover (TM) for the wedding. Constance Wu shows up to the wedding looking like Elsa from Frozen — but with flowers! Seriously, though, it’s a fab look. Everyone loves it. Except Michelle Yeoh. At the wedding reception, Constance Wu is feeling pret-ty good about herself...but come on, we know this can’t last!!!! Lisa Lu and Michelle Yeoh ambush her and Henry Golding with the news that Michelle Yeoh hired a private investigator to look into Constance Wu’s background. Surprise! Her father, who she had always believed was dead, is not so much, and Constance Wu is actually the result of an affair her mother had. Oh dear. Lisa Lu tells Henry Golding that he cannot possibly marry a girl like this (oh yeah, Henry Golding told Chris Pang earlier that he was planning to propose to Constance Wu). If he does, she will disown him. Constance Wu runs off in tears.

Sad times -- all is lost -- no amount of Henry Golding calling or coming by can repair this damage. Constance Wu just spends days and days moping at Awkwafina’s house until her mom, Tan Kheng Hua, shows up. Her mother admits to the affair and explains that she had an abusive husband. Constance Wu forgives her, uh, remarkably quickly for lying about this her whole life, which...is a bit odd, but you know, it’s a romcom. Who has time for subplots anyway?! Constance Wu agrees to meet up with Henry Golding one last time. He proposes to her, heedless of his family, but *GASP* she turns him down. Then meets up with Michelle Yeoh, secretively at a mahjong parlor, in order to make clear that she could have had him -- but walked away because she didn’t want him to lose his family, be estranged from his mother, blah blah blah. SUCK ON THAT, MICHELLE YEOH!!!! YOU’RE INDEBTED TO ME NOW!!!!!! ME, THE AMERICAN PEASANT. HA HA HA. HENRY GOLDING AND I WILL BOTH BE SAD, BUT MY HORSE IS MILES HIGH!!!!!!!! (...is what we imagine she feels.)

Satisfied, Constance Wu swaggers into economy class with her mom. But lo! Who should arrive but Henry Golding, chasing after her because Michelle Yeoh -- post-mahjong-showdown -- went to him and gave him the ring?! THE GIANT EMERALD RING!!!!!! OH EM GEE, YOU GUYS, IT’S SO SYMBOLIC!!!! This time, as he proposes in a crowded airplane aisle, Constance Wu says yes. Cut to their excessively opulent engagement party, where Constance Wu and Michelle Yeoh share a Look, and Gemma Chan meets Harry Shum, Jr. (Not bad, for an extremely wealthy, recently jilted lass!)

Best Scene: So many good scenes, but probably our favorite is when Awkwafina drives Constance Wu to Lisa Lu’s estate and the two of them are met by two extremely severe Indian guards outside the gate. The guards are wielding bayonets. It’s very funny, as are all of Awkwafina’s scenes.

Worst Scene: ...Weeeell, Ken Jeong spends most of his time in this film creepin’ on Constance Wu, his daughter’s friend, which definitely made us uncomfortable. But, to be fair, we wanted an American romcom starring Asians, and no romcom would be complete without us being a little grossed out. :|

Best Line: There were many funny lines. Pretty much everything out of Awkwafina’s mouth was solid gold. Constance Wu also had some good zingers. Unfortunately, we’ve only seen the movie once so far and can’t quote directly.

Worst Line: Ken Jeong and his son both creep real hard on Constance Wu, so probably something one of them said.

Highlights of the Watching Experience: Well, there’s the obvious — that this is the first (hopefully not last!) Hollywood romcom we’ve ever seen starring even two Asian people, let alone an entirely Asian cast. Plus a fun, fantastic, mostly-Mandarin soundtrack. Some of us may have cried. (“It was not me,” says Alex.) Also, Michelle Yeoh looked FUCKING AMAZING. How old is that woman now? IMMORTAL, is the answer. Also, we, as Chinese-Americans, are obsessed with food, so we appreciated that that common cultural trait was well-demonstrated in this movie, particularly by Constance Wu.

How Many POC in the Film: EVERYONE! EVERYONE WAS A PERSON OF COLOR! There was even one black extra in the wedding scene. We sighted her in the corner and got VERY excited.

Alternate Scenes: ...N-none? Honestly, we thought this was an excellent movie adaptation -- and just an excellent movie, period, which is maybe even more impressive. Yaaaay! No joke, we have already purchased tickets to see it again.

Was the Poster Better or Worse than the Film: Worse. The poster is fine, but the movie is better, of course, because the movie was good! It was a good movie! We saw a good movie!

Score: 10 out of 10 crazy-rich-Asian smooches. We never pretended this blog was objective, okay? No, but actually -- it’s a great romcom. If you love seeing unrealistically beautiful people kissing in unrealistically beautiful locations, as we assume you all must if you are reading this blog, you will enjoy this film. Go see it! Support non-white and non-Netflix romcoms! Plz. <3

Ranking: 3, out of the 149 movies we’ve seen so far.