#born with a curse and the curse was fixating on two people's 5 minutes and 32 seconds of screentime respectively and obsessing over it

[governmentmandatedryujinstan420]

FINALLY. THIRD ACT. IT'S BEEN 3000 YEARS, I'VE FINALLY ESCAPED THE BUILDUP DUNGEONS INTO THREE SECONDS OF DIALOGUE THAT IS ACTUAL PLOT EVENTS, PRAISE BE TO THE WRITING GODS!

[iisasarcasticlittleshite]

Cursed technique Headcannons

Inumaki Toge

If anyone understands what it's like to have a technique manipulate every aspect of your life, it's him.

Your curse works through your eyes. Passed down through your family, your eyes don't work conventionally, making you legally blind by conventional standards. It allows you to see the detailed flow of cursed energy, even over massive distances, useful for scouting. When it comes to combat, you can see the chips in any armour, even higher grades.

As you got older, your training allowed you to act on those weaknesses, you even decked Mei Mei once.

Outside of fighting curses though, you're blind.

Toge has learned how to help you live with that part of you without making you feel like you need constant guidance. After all, you survived just fine before you met him.

That doesn't mean you don't appreciate him replacing your cane when you go out on dates or shopping with your schoolmates. It makes you feel more normal when he leads you down the high street with his warm, gentle fingers.

He can't speak in the conventional way, but you learned to understand his gibberish, mostly by tone. If something isn't coming across, he can always use his phone, but most of the time the two of you spend together is listening to music, dancing in your rooms, goofing around to nonsense and the beat of your own drum.

Toge understands when the frustration is overwhelming when all you want to do is cry and wish you could see the way he does. He's there to remind you that there's no such thing as normal, he reminds you that your abilities are amazing, that you've already used your eyes to save lives.

After many years spent together, the two of you know your way around each other so well, that not a word is needed on most days, and communication is soundless. You came to realise, you can see Toge, see him like you can't see anyone else, as though even your curse wants to remind you of how special he is.

Sukuna

If anyone had told you when you started your first year that you'd owe the damned King of Curses your life, you would have laughed outright in their face.

You would not, however, have been surprised if they'd told you anyone else had done it. Your cursed technique is nothing short of volatile, and it's nearly killed you at least three times already.

You were born to an ancient line of sorcerers, one so old even Sukuna knows your last name. A line of sorcerers born with their cursed energy branded into their skin.

To the average person, you look like you're covered head to toe in tattoos, to Jujutsu sorcerers, you're a ticking time bomb, for those tattoos store raw cursed energy within your skin, any harsh flick of the wrist could cause it to snap into the air like a shockwave.

Your childhood had been nothing but training, night and day, in order to gain control of it, but after all these years, things still went wrong.

Most people keep their distance from you, except Yuuji. You'll admit, at first you didn't think you'd care if you hurt him by accident, but it took him all of 5 minutes to convince you otherwise. You were smitten with him on the first day.

Beyond your knowledge, the demon behind Yuuji's eyes finds his own fixation with you. Where you see weakness, and lack of control, Sukuna sees power, and potential. He loves the wild nature of your curse, and it slowly yanks at him to watch you try so hard to tame it, when the thing wasn't meant to be tame.

The King doesn't start out caring that you'll spend your entire life trying to achieve a level of control that doesn't exist, but the longer he watches you struggle, the longer he watches the higher-ups bully you, calling you childish for outbursts you simply cannot control, the more the urge to do something about it grows.

And as it so happened, the perfect opportunity fell right into his lap.

Those same higher-ups sent a student after a special grade, they thought they'd only sent Yuuji, but the message was muddled, and you went instead.

By the time Itadori found you, your marks had built up so much cursed energy you could barely move without lashing out. The basement of the building you were fighting the curse in was flooded up to your knees, the curse cackled and smacked at you with long tentacles, careless in its delight.

You had more than enough cursed energy to handle the thing, but you didn't use it, because the damned elders taught you to fear yourself. No amount of gentle encouragement from Gojo was going to convince you otherwise.

You begged Yuuji to stay away, seeing the marks on your skin glow like they never had before. The curse struck again, and with the movement of throwing your hands up, a tidal wave of cursed energy slammed into the creature's limb, shredding it to pieces.

'Do that again!' Yuuji yells excitedly, wading through the water quickly.

'I-I can't! I'll bring the building down!'

In your panic, you distracted Yuuji and the curse smacked him into the crumbling wall, knocking him out.

How the kid doesn't already have brain damage, you can't imagine, but you've got bigger problems on your hands now.

'Oh no...'

Sukuna stands in Yuuji's skin, shredding the uniform from his chest, four carmine eyes fixed on you and you alone.

'Scream.'

You've got half a mind to do just that, but the special grade you've been ignoring roars and bears down on you. The moment it strikes you, the marks come alive, cursed energy ripping through your skin. It feels like thousands of spider silk threads being pulled through your skin at once, your mouth falls open, but no air comes out.

'Idiot, scream it out! Stop fighting it or it's going to kill you!' Sukuna yells, but he's closer now, like a hot ember looming near your skin.

Through panic, adrenaline, and everything else, his voice is almost a reassurance. The way he walks through the water with his hands in his pockets like nothing is amiss with the world...the way he just doesn't care is almost caring.

'Scream, it, out.'

<p>So you do. You fill your lungs with as much air as you can, and scream without inhibition, without care.</p>

<p>You were always told to avoid emotional outbursts, told that your power would surge with it, and it was true. the more you screamed, the more you felt that energy surging, but it didn't pool under your skin. It pushes clear of you and slams into your enemy like a tidal wave.</p>

<p>It doesn't hurt, not a single pinprick, and as you watch your own power shred that special grade like paper mache, you can't bring yourself to be afraid anymore; not even when the roof starts to come down on you.</p>

<p>Your vision swims, and a warm hand cradles the back of your head, pulling you into a warm, bare chest.</p>

<p>You clung blindly to Sukuna, didn't care to look up when he lifted you into his arms and got you clear of the wreckage. You don't need to know how, or why.</p>

<p>You feel more than hear the curse's chuckle as he carries you outside into the midnight air. 'Let them fear you, little one, but don't you dare be afraid of yourself, fool.'</p>

<p>Some part of you seems to have forgotten that you're speaking to the King of Curses as you pout into his shoulder. 'Rude.'</p>

<p>Sukuna only laughs.</p>

[sly-merlin]

Killing Me - 6 | n.y

pairing : law student!reader + yuta

genre :    angst , mafia au/ arranged marriage au , smut

warnings of this chapter : use of few curse words. weapons

summary : “life’s never fair y/n. realise it as soon as you can . it is the only secret for living a regretless life.”                                  

    or              

                         “  curiousity got the cat hitched”

taglist :: (not tagging the old ones because they have read it already bt if u want , lemme know! )  @yiyi4657​ @sorrywonwoo​ @sillywinnergladiator​ @suhweo​ @exfolitae​ @minejungwoo​

K.M masterlist

k.m 5    k.m 7

NOTE : K.M 5 WAS POSTED BUT IT GOT REMOVED FROM TAGS SO YOU CAN NAVIGATE FROM HERE!

“CONGRATULATIONS ON THE WEDDING MRS. NAKAMOTO!”

And yuta’s words kept ringing even when he was gone. Mechanically, your hands were balled into fists, anger rising. You were not feeling bitter at his words, for you didn’t expect anything better from him. But he shouldn’t have attacked your dignity in front of strangers.

only five minutes had passed and you were already encumbered with the weight of the ornament.

Your eyes were fixated on the place where yuta stood earlier. Each and every presence in the room could easily sense your aggravation for the man.

After a few more moments of silence, Kun took your hand in his, dragging you inside with him. You were startled at his sudden action but nonetheless tagged along.

“We are having brunch, whoever wants to eat can join us!” he announced whilst  facing forward.

You both passed the open kitchen to halt at the big dining hall packed with a large table and what looked like countless chairs. It was just twin room of the hallway, with just more accommodation.

“The house doesn’t seem this big from outside though?” Kun chuckled as he set his eyes on your genuinely confused face.

“The ground floor has only two halls, kitchen and one other room. We skipped the backyard and just constructed this according to our needs. Big family, you know” he scanned the chairs and continued. “And we’ll add one more chair for you” you responded with only a tight lipped smile. He seemed to be content though.

Before you could converse further, your attention was diverted to the muttering of several boys, entering not so quietly into the room.

“Sit here, near my chair” Kun ushered you towards a chair. “I’ll be back with the food.”

A taller boy, maybe Jungwoo was the first to sit near you and greeted you with an electric eye smile which you tried to return with same energy. Everyone was scattered around the table by now. Some of them were glancing at you but no words were spoken.

You were about to distract yourself with your phone when Kun and another boy came back to the hall with two trolleys occupied with the food and plates. After plates were passed to everyone, delicious ttaekbokki ramyeon and tempura veges were served. the food looked mouth watering and hums of satisfaction confirmed your belief. you had just started eating when someone entered the room.

“Why is she sitting on my seat?

You stopped chewing hearing jaehyun’s voice.

“I told her to! And don’t use this tone again. Not with family at least!”  

You could’ve paid heed to Kun’s sensible words but jaehyun seemed too keen on robbing you of any kindness.

“It’s just been a day and she is already replacing people here!” he remarked before sitting far away from his supposed seat.

“Jaehyun!” Kun’s voice was laced with an unsaid warning.

“Yeah, whatever.”

Despite being hungry earlier, you couldn’t swallow the food properly. You were not there to replace anyone .you were just as displeased to be in his presence as he was. But his displeasure for you was getting unbearable.

You were so engrossed in thoughts that you didn’t notice that everyone was already leaving with their plates. Kun and Johnny had noticed your hurt expressions at jaehyun’s words but there was so little they could do right now.

Under their studying eyes, you hurriedly tried to finish the remaining food.

“You should not move in today” taeil, whom you recognised from the first day, spoke.

“And why is that?” Johnny asked, pointing his chopsticks towards him.

“It’s just not a very fruitful day for moving in. that’s it” taeil replied with a serious expression.

“Now welcome to the 21st century grandpa! We don’t believe in superstitions devised when YOU were born!” Johnny snickered at the older.

“Ok do it! Don’t come to me later on. The legends are there for a reason.”

“I dreamt pigs the day I came across him anyway and I don’t think any spirit can be more evil than him!” as you finished, the four men started laughing hysterically.

“Y/n is such a match for me!”

But taeil quickly disapproved. “No, I don’t need two Johnny here.”

“I gotta go” taeyong announced. “Welcome to family y/n. I know this is not a very pleasant situation but it is what it is. You are welcomed here anytime and this place is yours as much as ours. Take care!” you merely nodded towards him. Were you supposed to show gratitude? You weren’t sure of that yet!

“So everyone I saw earlier lives here!” you asked Kun curiously. You weren’t sure to whom this place belonged and what exactly was this house. Their residential place? But why did they have a basement with metal doors then? It was better to just ask than assume.

But instead of Kun, taeil responded. “This house was designed by ten and doyoung to facilitate us with everything that wasn’t possible in the apartments we used to live earlier. Whilst looking like any posh dwelling in the area, it is not just that. The dining room might have provided you some insight already. My room is downstairs or I might say the only room on this floor in mine. Everyone else is settled on first and second floor. You can do a tour if you want. And if you want to stay here, I would love to displace Johnny outta his room and you can spend the night in mine.” his speech ended with a sincere smile.

“Whoa hyung!” Johnny exclaimed with eyes opened to infinity. “She didn’t ask for a lecture. And don’t waste your breath explaining that you have the best room in the whole world when we are short on time here!”

“Why is that now?”

“I have to drop y/n to her apartment. Whenever she is done with the food of course.” Johnny said pointing towards your plate. Sometime while listening to taeil, you had dropped your chopsticks again but continued again, muttering an apology.

“What’s the hurry? I want to talk to her!” Kun whined at Johnny.

“Then tag along but only if y/n wants!” both of them raised their brows at you, waiting for an answer.

“Yeah, of course you can come. Why would I refuse? “You chuckled at their childish tactics.

Once you were done with the food, Kun seized your utensils as you tried to get up with the plate.

“Wait for me. I’ll be back and then we can go” he announced going out of the room.

You sheepishly looked at the both taeil and Johnny who were now busy in their respective phones. Just when you were fishing out your phone from the pocket, it ringed, startling you.

Chelin.

You hurriedly excused yourself to the farther corner of the room ,ready to get a scolding from her.

“Where are you?” you gulped at her cold voice.

“I’m –I had to-

“You moved out right. Your desk is clear. And you lied to me” her voice was laced with frustration. You could imagine that she was on the verge of pulling her hair. “You know what! Don’t talk to me again!” and with that she hung up.

You tried her number twice but she didn’t pick up. You knew she won’t be mad for too long. She was genetically incapable of doing that but still her being angry with you was not settling in.

“y/n!”

you gave up calling her and decided in favour of letting her cool down first. not like you had any other option!

“Are we going?”

“Yup and jaemin is going to join us.” you almost rolled your eyes at his mention. You couldn’t understand his interest in you but at least he was harmless, not like yuta.

As you four reached the large parking space, taeil went inside again saying his goodbyes. Now you were all waiting for jaemin to come outside but the boy was nowhere in sight.

“I’m here!” jaemin chimed but he was not alone. There were two other boys with him which he had tried to introduce earlier.

“I was packing some food . Jungwoo hyung told me that -

“Chit-chat in the car! Let’s go!” Johnny scolded them.

With few adjustments, you were on the road. The position of jisung and chenle appeared quite pitiful. Due to lack of space, they both were practically sitting on each other. Jaemin forced them to converse with you which turned out pretty nice for you.

All the three boys were techies or the backbone of the team, as jaemin exaggeratedly explained to you. And they were younger as well. Talking to them was easier than you thought. And surprisingly they had many budding questions about your studies as well which were happily answered by you.

You were so engrossed in your little exchange that none of you released you were already there. You checked the time and it took about thirty minutes of drive including the traffic to reach there.

“Oh shit!” your face dimmed on realisation. “It’ll take about an hour to reach university from here!”

Kun and Johnny faced each other with shocking faces. Johnny slowly mouthed something to Kun before he chuckled “I think taeyong totally forgot that you are a student. Taeyong tends to do that. He’s very stressed out lately but I think you’ll love this place. I’ll park the car and Kun will take you to the apartment and others will help me with the boxes.” Johnny instructed everyone like a boss.

“Saved it!” Johnny whispered to Kun with a smug smile.

“Oh did you!” Kun shook his head in disbelief and stepped out of the vehicle.

You looked up to see the skyscraper in its whole glory, hand robotically shielding your eyes. The curved reflective glass windows were gleaming, you wished your room would also have that beautiful glass balcony, reflecting the sun.

“you’ll have plenty of time to gawk!” Kun practically dragged you by your elbow, towards the elevator.

“It was Johnny right.” you said quietly as Kun pressed the button to 10th floor.

“Yesss. he chose the place but he really put some effort in this task.” you couldn’t help but smile at him.

“Here we are!”

As you exited the lift, three doors met your sight, one facing you, while others opposite to each other. Kun headed for the right now, you following behind.

“I’ll set up the smart locking system in your phone for the keypad. Everything from mail room to amenity access is controlled with this single pin so remember it. 2610 is the code but you can change it whenever you want.” you nodded consuming the information.

The front door to your new shelter was opened and you were left in awe at the first sight. The entry was narrow but you could see a big living room at the end of it. You removed the shoes following Kun.

Your eyes shimmering, moved everywhere as a smile crept up your face.

The hall was big, at least for two people it was! If you could somehow drag the single seater sofa towards the half glassed window, you don’t think anyone would want to move from there. The rustling of the city could be seen from up there. Down there, a small portion of the park attached to the building was also visible. you were practically attached to the window still by now.

Kun noticed. He noticed how how eyes turned lively as you beheld your surroundings. His own lips curved up watching your reaction.

“Do you like it?” Johnny voice quizzed. Your suitcase now placed besides him. Chenle, jisung and jaemin trailed behind him with boxes in their hands.

“Yes, I love it actually!” you voiced your joy, leaving the hall windows.

“I’ll help” you offered but before you could actually do something, they left like the wind.

“Let’s explore” Kun suggested.

To the right of the hallway was the semi-open kitchen as half of it was covered with a wall but the other part was visible from the couches. The kitchen was itself very sophisticated but poor thing you won’t be cooking any five star recipes in there.

The small space between hallway and kitchen led you towards two rooms. Good thing they were hidden from the sight.

“You can choose your room but I’d prefer this one!” as he opened the left door, you knew what he meant. The scenery you beheld outside could also be seen from this room. The sliding glass door lead to a small balcony opening to the same view. The room itself was very decent just like the rest of the place.

There was a desk with a bookshelf on the upper side of wall which made you confused about Kun’s previous statement. “How could Johnny forget that I was a student but still remembered about these things.” you asked pointing towards the study space.

“His involvement was only till the real estate stuff. Everything else is planned by me so I’m ready to accept some gratitude.”

You let out a small giggle, thanking him immediately.

“Unfortunately, there is only one bathroom. 2b2b apartments are harder to find and there was no need for three bedrooms so you’ll have to compromise here!” he explained pursing his lips. You nodded your head at him while opening the door to the bathroom. To say it was beautiful would be an understatement. It was twice the size of your dorm bathroom. from shower enclosure to bath tub and sink, everything was made of ceramic and marble.

“Hey come out! Where are you both?” you heard Johnny’s screaming voice. You and kun both rushed towards the sound.

“Should I keep the boxes in the room?”

“Yeah, thanks, this one!” you pointed to the left room. He smirked at your choice, winking your way.

Finishing the task at hand, you all slouched down on the couches. Even if you didn’t move a limb, you were just exhausted by other activities of the day.

“I’m hungry!” chenle groaned stroking his stomach.

“What are you?? Even a whale has some control you insatiable boy!” jaemin scolded him, making everyone laugh.

“Call me whatever. But can’t I have some from the box. Just a little!” chenle pleaded giving him an eye smile.

“That is for noona. And you aren’t getting anything!”

“What is he talking about?” you inquired after you were mentioned.

“Jeno told me you don’t cook so I got you the leftovers for dinner. The container is in the kitchen. heat them and eat them!” jaemin replied nonchalantly like it was nothing big. But it was meaningful gesture, for you.

So you didn’t hold back this time. “That’s so kind of you, thank you!” you said smiling to him. “And feel free to eat chenle. Go help yourself.”

Chenle grinned like a happy child but was met with a pointing finger of jaemin. “Get a grip!”  And he slumped down further into the cushion, grumpily crossing his arms over his chest.

“By the way y/n.” Kun addressed you, searching out for something in his pockets, that something, you discovered, were the keys.

“People usually don’t need keys for separate rooms when they live together but you are a special case, so you might need these.” you nodded knowingly, taking the jiggling set from him.

“Let’s watch some t.v before going. The first thing that I did was setting this up and there’s a gaming system attached as well.” Johnny announced before leaving his place to locate the remote under the TV system.

Squatting in the middle of the bed, you looked at the deep blue boxes with a twisted face. Unpacking these boxes would certainly be a chore.

Were you any eager to do it? No.

Was it essential? Very.

You pouted and slumped on the silky white sheets, the queen sized bed providing you with the enjoyment of being a starfish, for the first time in forever. It felt nice and cosy. Unknowingly, your lips curved a bit, releasing a sigh of content.

You couldn’t say for how much longer, but the feeling of having a home brought tranquillity to your muddled thoughts. You have always dreamt about buying your own house, having a place you would be enthusiastic to come back to!

But this was not reality. This was just an intermission to the life you were heading towards! A timeout. And it would just end in smoke, with no accurate termination.

You raised your left hand to view the small diamond resting on your finger. It was beautiful, meant to be worn by a real bride, someone whose ring didn’t came with an expiration date.

Shaking your head, you pushed yourself off the comfortable position. You couldn’t spend your day in melancholy whilst that yuta was probably plotting something to make your life miserable and organising yourself would be the first step towards preparation of retaliation. So you got up from the soft bed to look through the boxes. You picked up the box with some of your random stuff and staggered towards the bathroom.

If there was a place you’ll love more than the room, that’d surely be this bathroom. but so was the hallway!

Even after placing everything from your hair products to the sanitary ones, the ceramic cabinet over the sink still looked empty. You decided to buy some things only to fill that up! Though you were swamped with work right now, you couldn’t resist looking at the frameless rectangular mirror. it was dreamy! and you felt it was a nice ego booster for you as well!

One by one, within one and a half hour, you cleared all the boxes and orderly arranged everything into the cupboards and closet. The only thing left was your desk space but it could be delayed.

You flopped on the couch tiredly, wanting nothing more than to sleep. But there was one more thing on the checklist.

Chelin.

You looked at her contact, tapping your foot constantly and when you knew there was no enough courage in you, crossing your legs on the sofa, you dialled her number.

“Hey!” a male voice answered the phone instead.

“Um jay, where is chelin? Can you tell her it’s me!” you said sheepishly, trying to sound as innocent as possible.

“I don’t think she wants to talk right now. And why did you ran away?”

All your anxiousness suddenly left your body at the overstated accusation.

“I didn’t run away jay, who told you that!” and you were trying to be serious here!

“Nobody told me that. I can figure common things out, you know. Your stuff is gone and you didn’t inform chelin whilst doing that. So imma assume-

“My winter clothes are still there, dumbass. Just give the phone to chelin so I can explain.”

“Nope, she’s in bathroom and angry but for you, only you, I’ll try, to make your position better if you buy me lunch tomorrow!” you scrunched your nose, imagining him doing his sly brow lousy thing with a smug look. But the deal looked good. So you just hopped in.

“ok.” and before you could say anything, he cut the phone. Annoying brat!

and it was also favourable that you were easily distracted for as soon as you turned the TV on ,you got lost in another world, forgetting all the worries for a while.

Your irrational fear of sharp microwave beeps was the reason you were eating the bland ttaebbokki right now. Cold food is the best food had already left the chat as you opened the lunch box. You didn’t enjoy the delicacy earlier due to certain someone and now you couldn’t appreciate it because of your own heightened senses. The ramyeon was a saviour, ttaebokki, on the other hand was now in a contest  with the double caramelised candy that could not be chewed even with metal teeth.

You have spent about 4 hours watching t.v and it was already eight. Your desk was yet to be decorated with books and stuff, still your brain cells favoured watching two movies that would’ve made no sense in real life, but like you always say, who cares! And now you were watching some random football match. Just as you were about to scream at the goal, the front door closed with a thud.

You placed the food down on table, craning your neck above the back of the sofa, looking for the intruder.

Yuta. You had totally forgot about your so called roommate!

“Do you think the food would settle down in your gut?” he took long strides to reach you and asked with a quirking brow.

You turned around to focus on the food instead. But with the slight dip in the head of sofa, you could feel his presence hovering over you.

“Why wouldn’t it!” you replied with equal affection. “And I’m avoiding you so it’s better if you keep yourself on silent mode as well.”  You said again with a hint of finality in your unwavering voice.

Whilst you were trying to direct your attention towards the t.v. in an attempt to ignore him, you felt his warm breath fanning against your ear. You nervously swallowed the bite you took earlier, hoping he would just go away instead of being so inquisitive.

“But I’m willing to make peace here and you are being so harsh to me. you should respond when I talk to you” your shoulders tensed at the fake pout that you assumed he was wearing now, just to get under your nerves. His expressions might have been cordial but you got the innuendo in his words perfectly.

You placed the food container on the table again. “If we have to live together get one thing in your head! I’m here because of you! So don’t try to act up like you are the boss of me! And I don’t agree with your idea of peace if it involves the death of my dignity.” you kept your cool but irritation was radiating from your body and you hoped he would get the message and leave you alone.

“Oh wow!” yuta chuckled a bit before walking around to sit beside you. Instinctively, you shifted towards the other end of the couch. “You think you are the only one who-

His eyes followed your movements as you rolled your eyes, blatantly disregarding him in favour of leaving the couch. But he was quick as he pulled you down by your wrist, causing you to yelp in discomfort.

“You think you are the victim and sufferer here!” he leaned closer, his hand still on your wrist, his attitude changing. That’s when you smelled some alcohol on him. “You think you can deal with anything, catching a criminal red handed and living the life of glory as someone who bravely handled a dangerous situation where anyone else would have cowered away. But guess what!” his voice rose at the end and nostrils flaring with every syllable. “You are the most foolish person I’ve ever met. You have not only ruined your life but mine too. Why couldn’t you have walked past that day like any other person? Everything was fool proof from cctv to police, but you had to intrude!”

You bit the inside of your cheek as your breath quickened. He was staring right into your eyes but the intensity in his orbs unabled you to look away. He could sense your building anxiety but he still continued. “And now I am fucking suspended for a month due to your stupidity. Taeyong told me I’ve become a risk to them. Do you know how it damn feels when your own family fucking doubt you? They questioned my abilities all because of you. I’m-I’m unsure of myself only because of you. I can’t go back to my house, my job, my brothers! why can’t you just fucking leave!” yuta’s chest rose and fell with rapid breaths as he stood up, leaving your wrist with a jerk. His grip wasn’t that tight but it still left a stinging pain.

You watched him while rubbing your wrist as he raked his hand through his hair, apparently controlling himself. his other hand was shuffling for something in his pocket.

A loud gasp echoed in the hall as yuta’s hand moved and he aggressively stabbed a knife into the table. And it was not a normal kitchen knife!

“Just fucking leave!” 

and with that he was gone.

as you heard the bedroom door closing ,you let out a harsh breath, shoulders slumping in relief.

You eyed the weapon that has damaged the classy wooden table. 

Taeyong had assured you that yuta won’t harm in you in any way but his actions were speaking another language!

but for now all you could feel was….fear?

earlier in black neos estate-

“You can’t stay here forever, you know” mark’s words pulled yuta back to reality. As much as he wanted this nightmare to end, he knew there’s wasn’t even a slight chance of odds being in his favour.

“But there is nothing that can’t be delayed!” yuta shot back at him, chugging his beer.

“You can leave tomorrow. Half of the place is empty, you can easily sneak in!”

“You want me to hide in my own house?” he snorted at younger.

“No. I meant-

“Besides yong gave me clear instructions to make peace with that women which includes breathing the same air as hers and I’m going to follow his command like a happy puppy I am!” he let out a chuckle towards the end, making mark gulp in panic. “And I gotta transfer my stuff tomorrow and you’re going with me.”

“Not until 8 in the evening. We are going for a weapon exchange in the afternoon.” mark said taking sip of the drink. Some questions in his head still needed to be answered but he was lacking right words. Yuta was already on edge since the whole fiasco started and mark, in no way wanted to trigger him anymore. “What are you going to do, if I may ask?” he questioned hesitantly.

“Nothing for now. I went to her university and all I have till now is that she is extremely close to her friends. Maybe have a thing for hook-ups, can’t be sure though. In her head, she is too smart and can surmount anything. That day in the basement proved it already. she isn’t fearless, in no way she is but still she manage to fight back with that rising panic, I don’t know how!” he paused to look at mark, biting his lower lip to cover a smile creeping on his face. “With her whole strength, she tries to pretend that she isn’t frightened down to her soles but whenever I’m near her, he-her throat tightens. It-it’s like she forgets the whole process of exhaling.”

Mark’s mouth went dry hearing that.

“Hyung!” he addressed yuta, almost losing his grip at the beer. He was in no way being intimidating but mark was feeling apologetic for him.

“What now?”

“How closely have to observe her? You sound like a stalker hyung!”

“Don’t call me that.” he slapped mark’s back lightly. Had he applied a little of his strength, he would have been lying on the ground floor right now!  “Maybe I read her file more than a couple of times to just create some familiarity but she’s, hmm, how to explain it! Maybe authentic! But I did nothing creepy though and even if I did, those marriage papers cuts out everything” he chuckled again and it was now concerning mark. he was not drunk but was still laughing too much for it to be normal.

“I’ll suggest just leave it be! Haven’t you thought that she was just at wrong place at wrong time?”

“No!! the problem is that she still somewhere in her head thinks that she was at wrong place at right time! I would’ve had no problem if taeyong had just let her go but no !! he has to go and make my life miserable.” his soothing voice rose a few octaves. He was frustrated and had no other way of letting that go.

Mark watched him, looking into the sky, like he was finding some solutions. He couldn’t turn around the time nor he could do anything for yuta.

He tried to focus on the sky instead. It was so quiet, but what that silence engulfed in it was a mystery for now.

the stars looked beautiful, almost poetic, for the time being.

************************

HOPE YOU ALL ARE ENJOYING IT! MY WRITING IS NOT THE BEST BUT I’M TRYING TO IMPROVE! THANK YOU FOR READING.

[thedefinitionofbts]

If You Knew

Pairings: Min Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Romance, Doctor Au

Words: 7K

Description: Requested by anon

Dr. Min Yoongi is the most skilled neurosurgeon in the country. He has successfully faced a number of challenges in his career and is under the assumption that he can professionally handle anything at this point, that is, until he was put in charge of treating the girl he has harbored a secret crush on since college.  

Or, in which you lose your eyesight in a car accident and fall in love with the neurosurgeon treating your condition.

A/N: Thank you to the lovely anon who sent in a request for a doctor au!

Min Yoongi has treated a lot of people in his life.

As a world-renowned neurosurgeon, he wasn’t the least bit surprised when he got a request to treat a victim of a brutal car crash. He’s always the first doctor to be recommended because of his reputation, and nine times out of ten, he is, without a doubt, the best person for the job. But the moment he saw your name on the patient form that was handed to him as he walked down the squeaky clean hallway of the hospital, he knew this was going to be that one out of ten time that he was fucked.

Rewind back to when his best friend and closest colleague, Kim Namjoon, had told him that the hardest part about being a doctor isn’t actually acquiring an extensive amount of knowledge on the practice of medicine, performing long surgeries, or dealing with being overloaded with work on the daily. For geniuses like them, it was never about not being smart enough or skilled enough. Instead, Namjoon had brought to Yoongi’s attention long ago that the most difficult part of being a doctor was dealing with being the courier of bad news.  

Of course, being forced to play that role doesn’t happen often. It shouldn’t because doctors are supposed to save people, to heal them. But they aren’t divine entities. They can’t fix everything, and with the existence of things they are powerless to do anything about comes the need to perform error handling, to figure out how to let people down without allowing those feelings of guilt and remorse consume you.

And so, being the overachieving perfectionist that he is, Yoongi took the liberty of conditioning himself in a way that he would never have to run into that issue. He figured if he detached himself from his patients to the point where his relationship with them lied solely on a professional level, he would never have to meddle with emotional attachments.

Up until now, his solution of desensitization has been working smoothly. He’s faced the task of notifying family members of the death of their loved ones and informed people they are in the later stages of cancer or some untreatable disease. He’s told mothers that their babies were born impaired and will die before the age of 5, and athletes that they may never walk again. He’s seen the worst of it and has come out more or less unfazed.

He thinks he has it down to an art form, one that he has spent the majority of his career crafting to the utmost perfection, which comes back to the one thing he had never thought in a million years he would have to do, and that was to be in charge of treating you.

 …

 To say that Yoongi was inept at comforting people would be an understatement. Don’t get him wrong, he comes off kind and considerate to everyone around him, and he’s highly, highly respected by everyone in his field of work. He has good relationships with his patients (professionally), and he always delivers treatment to the best of his ability.

But it’s safe to say; he’s never offered anything deeper than surface level care. Surface level care as in, treat physical condition and get out before getting too deep into consolatory territory. He’s not a therapist. He shouldn’t be expected to treat psychological ailments or provide a shoulder to cry on.

Of course, that’s under the assumption that he’s treating a stranger or at most an acquaintance.

And that’s where you come in.

You, as in, the girl he fell head over heals for the first time he saw you reading under a willow tree on a warm spring day. The same girl he never had the guts to approach properly because you were always surrounded by hotter guys, and Yoongi being the classic nerd who had his head buried in textbooks 24/7, was nowhere near your league.  

“Dr. Min, she’s in room 227” The nurse next to him reminds as she watches Yoongi almost open the door to the wrong room. 

He looks up at the room number of the door his hand is already gripping around the knob of:

226

“Aish” He curses under his breath. He needs to stop drowning in his thoughts before he makes a fool of himself. He quickly glances back at the group of residents and assistants, making sure they don’t suspect he’s unfocused due to fatigue, which he’s proud to say he has never been, before continuing to the next room over. 

There’s no background noise in the room. Other than the familiar beep of the heart monitor, it was almost disturbingly quite. Yoongi’s gaze lands on your sleeping form, head and arms wrapped in gauze after going through emergency treatment right after the accident and breathing through tubes for the time being.

“She was transferred here this morning.” The nurse informs, cutting through his mental observations. “Her left arm and ribcage have sustained minor fractures. Her spinal cord was not severely damaged, but we are still uncertain about how much the cranial trauma has effected her eyes.”

“Her eyes?” Yoongi echoes, partially unsure of why his own voice sounds so distant and hollow.

“It is inconclusive whether her vision loss is dude to nerve damage or just corneal lacerations. We will need to run more tests when she wakes up.”

 ….

 Past

 Yoongi was in his second year of undergrad when he first came to the realization that he hadn’t experienced as many youth related “joys” as his fellow peers. He had never dated a girl, never felt the recklessness of partying until dawn, wasn’t a club goer or drinker, and steered clear from recreational drugs all together. He always used the “too busy focusing on my future” excuse for virtually everything that came crashing his way.

It was a classic case of being determined to succeed, and he was pretty sure his future self would be proud of his strong will at such a ripe young age.

Everyone around him knew that he wasn’t the type to get distracted easily; in fact, it was a labor-intensive struggle just to get Yoongi to do anything non-school related. His attention was rarely, if ever, drawn away from his goal-oriented mindset, but you somehow managed to make him do a double take the moment he looked out the window of the library he had been rooted in all afternoon.

“Whatcha looking at?” Namjoon’s voice from across the table snaps him out of his momentary trance.

“H-huh?” Yoongi turns back towards Namjoon, still unaware of the chemical change that had occurred in his brain due to a certain heart-fluttering stimulus. “Oh uh, nothing, just…enjoying how green the grass is.” He fabricates; eyes quickly shooting down to his textbook in hopes that the other male will treat this occurrence as nothing out of the ordinary.

But of course, he doesn’t.

“Enjoying how green the grass is?” Namjoon cocks a brow obviously unconvinced, pupils shifting towards the direction Yoongi had been staring at for a good two minutes- that likely would have turned to five or even longer had he not interrupted.  

And there you are, sitting peacefully under a willow tree with your flowing hair partly fluttering in zephyr, partly tucked behind one ear, and eyes fixated on a book resting gently in your lap.

It was almost too cliché, but Namjoon wasn’t about to judge.

His lips curve upwards, sighing fondly as he turns to face Yoongi, who is now not so subtly trying to avoid direct eye contact with the all-knowing male.

“Are you going to go out there and talk to her?” Namjoon inquires without a single hint of hesitation.

“What are you even talking about?” Yoongi retorts, trying to sound like Namjoon was being completely absurd and didn’t just witness the signs of love at first sight displayed on Yoongi’s habitually apathetic face.

Namjoon exhales and shakes his head. “If you’re going to deny your infatuation, you should’ve tried to be less obvious.”

“Again, I have no idea-”

“Oh come on, Yoongi. Are you really going to play this game with me?”

Yoongi tsks in mild annoyance, expression turning sour. “I don’t have time for this. Let’s get back to studying.”

Yoongi is definitely a stubborn one. He was like that with his goals and dreams, his resolve to succeed in the medical field, and personal desires, as he soon came to learn. Perhaps that is also why he never moved on from you.

 …

 Even after that little incident at the library with Namjoon, where he pretended like he had been unaffected by the first stages of a growing crush, the thought of you had constantly been on his mind. It was like that image of your elegant form had been imprinted in his memory, and it wasn’t going away. Although he would never admit it verbally, he would catch himself thinking about you at the most random times, while he was eating, walking between classes, listening to music, and even during exams! It was a nightmare, and further to his dismay, such thoughts had been increasing in frequency to the point where he couldn’t stop himself from hoping he could see you again, even if it’s just a distant glimpse. Which is precisely why he found himself frequenting that same spot in the library more often than not.

It’s a bit creepy to say he went there to observe you from afar, but when it all boils down to the crux, that is all he had the courage to do. And it’s not like he was just staring at you the whole time, thankfully he’s not that creepy. It was more like the intermittent glance outside when his eyes got tired of the same old human anatomy flashcards scattered in front of him or the occasional tilt of his head when he caught you lifting an arm to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. He would sometimes imagine what it would be like to invite you to study with him, to sum up the guts to actually talk to you because it was definitely a more natural way to handle the state he was in.  

Surprisingly it wasn’t that hard. And by “that hard”, he means that one day it unexpectedly started pouring rain, and somehow turned into the first time you met him, or in other words, “found out about his existence”. Yoongi himself was actually immersed in his own reading when it happened. He was occupying the exact same seat in the corner when he heard light tapping on the window, only to recognize they were pellets of water hitting the glass.

He jolts up at the realization, and his eyes immediately shoot to the spot you were sitting outside, gathering your belongings in your backpack in preparation to escape the downpour. He doesn’t even take the time to think about what he’s doing, diving into action without a game plan as he hastily grabs his umbrella and sprints out the door. Yoongi doesn’t think he’s ever ran faster in his life, heck, he didn’t even know his scrawny legs could carry him so swiftly. But he makes it to the tree in time, just as you were zipping up the last compartment of your bag.

“Here” He says briskly, handing you the umbrella gripped between his hands before considering how bizarre the situation was from your perspective, to see a stranger handing you an umbrella while he was getting soaked under the rain himself.

You look up at his out of breath state, his clothes drenched from the water still falling from the sky. “Ummm, thanks?” You hesitantly take the item he’s presenting you, eyes still trained on him, waiting for him to explain what was going on, where he had magically appeared from, and why he was not using the umbrella to shield himself but rather offering it to you. “So…” You open the parasol and hold it above both of your heads, biting your lip when you realize you have no idea what to say.

“S-sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” Yoongi scratches the back of his neck, silently cursing himself for not thinking this through. His wet bangs were now clinging to his forehead, and he’s 99.9% sure he looks like a complete idiot. “H-here, I can hold that.” He awkwardly reaches out and takes the umbrella from you, hands brushing against yours momentarily before you let go of the handle. “Sorry.” He mutters again.

You shake your head. “No, I should be thanking you for saving me out here.” You smile brightly, and Yoongi swears he’s never seen anything so beautiful. “I don’t think we’ve been acquainted, I’m Y/N.”

“Y/N…” Yoongi spends a little too long savoring the way the syllables roll off his tongue. Even your name was beautiful. Nothing like any of the names he had conjured from the guessing games he had played in his head for the past few weeks. Y/N…it was perfect. “Uhh..my name is Y-Yoongi. Min Yoongi.” He adds, fortunately catching himself before he fell into another daydream.

You giggle at his display of nervousness. “Did you just happen to be out here on a walk?” You query, tilting your head in the cutest way possible (according to Yoongi).

“Oh, no. I was studying in there.”

Your eyes follow the direction his finger had raised to point towards. “So how come…?” You wanted to ask why he had ran out here.

“But then I got tired of reading and came out for a break.” He lies, praying that you won’t be suspicious of the impossible coincidence that he just happened to be outside with an umbrella within your vicinity right before it started raining.  

“I guess it’s my lucky day then.” You grin, putting your pearly whites on display this time. Yoongi’s heart is pounding so hard he feels like he’s going to pass out.

The two of you slowly make your way back towards the library. Half of Yoongi’s body remains exposed to the rain because he tries to leave enough room for you, even though you insisted he should scoot closer to you. You assume he’s just being polite, seeing as though the two of you just met.

“So what’s your major?” You ask, directing the conversation casually in an attempt to dispel the tension.

“I’m, uh, pre-med.” He answers.

“Impressive.” You nod. 

“What about you?”

“Literature. Not as practical.” You shrug, remembering how your parents were against your decision to study something that would not provide very many career opportunities, but you loved it too much to give it up in exchange for something else.   

“No, no. That’s really interesting.” Yoongi quickly butts in, regretting his choice of words the moment he hears what he had just voiced. He clears his throat, taking a deep breath before trying again. “It’s a study that is irreplaceable, and central to us as human beings. It helps us expand our horizons and express ourselves in unique ways.” He pauses for a second before continuing. “It’s really cool that your passions lie within something so important to humanity.”

Your lips curve upward at his heartwarming words.

The rain lets up not long after you reach the library, and you end up thanking Yoongi again before parting ways. He doesn’t know it then, but you were grateful for several things he did for you on that fateful day. Although he probably didn’t mean for his encouraging words to make such a huge impact on your mindset, to you it was unforgettable because it was exactly what you needed, not only on that day but also for many years to come.

 …

 Present

 He stands at the doorway staring at your limp form lying on the patient bed. His heart feels like someone is tying ropes around it, and he feels like the air in the room is too thin.

“She will be blind until we find a donor.”

The words keep repeating in his mind, and he doesn’t know why they are affecting him this much. He’s not supposed to be attached to patients. He’s not supposed to be concerned past an acceptable professional level. He’s not supposed to be too weak to inform them of bad news, and yet he had forced a resident to break the crippling news to you earlier this morning. 

At least it’s not permanent. At least it wasn’t nerve damage and can be fixed with ocular surgery. But even so, it doesn’t quell any of his concerns because compatible cornea donors can take months to find. 

“H-how are you feeling?” Yoongi squeezes his eyes shut the moment the words leave his mouth in a not so smooth manner. Why the fuck was he getting nervous? This is not how a world-renowned neurosurgeon should be acting. Min Yoongi, fucking stay professional.

Yoongi swallows thickly through gritted teeth, hoping that the sound isn’t loud enough to make it to your ears.

You continue to lie stiffly on the cot, not turning your head in the direction of his voice or giving any other indication that you had even heard what your doctor had just asked. The bandages around your head had been removed, but your eyes were kept closed for obvious reasons.

“Better” You softly answer after a painfully long silence that Yoongi spent mentally scolding himself.

He instantly relaxes the moment your voice, which is just as beautiful as he remembers might he add, fills the quiet room.

“That’s good. If you feel any discomfort or need anything, don’t hesitate to let us know.”

“Ok” You respond with a slight upturn of your lip that almost resembles a half smile.

“I’m going to perform some simple tests to make sure your nervous system is still functioning properly.” He informs as he prepares his equipment.

“Ok” You answer again, shifting a little this time to show that you are ready.

Yoongi takes a deep breath before reaching over to take your uninjured arm. He proceeds to give instructions for you to move your fingers, elbow, and shoulder, before moving on to make sure you haven’t lost sensation in any of your other limbs. You stay quiet for the majority of the time, only obediently doing as he says. You take note of how soothing his voice is and how delicately he handles you, and you can’t help but wonder if all doctors were this gentle, this kind, because you hadn’t quite experienced the same tenderness with the previous nurse and assistant who had performed initial tests on you.

“Now I’m going to quickly assess your lungs.” He notifies before reaching over to grab his stethoscope, shoving it in his ears and trying to ignore the fact that he’ll be seeing your partially bare body. The exact thing that he’s shameful to admit he could not refrain from fantasizing about when he was lying alone in his dorm room so many years ago. He swallows again, harshly reminding himself to stop being so ridiculous. That was the past. That was natural for a male in his sexual prime, but he’s older now, more mature, a respectable doctor-

Fuck.

All thoughts of reason flew out the window the moment his fingers brushed against the smooth and soft skin of your chest. His heartbeat is quickening, and he clenches his jaw to prevent his hand from trembling even in the slightest bit. Thank god years of surgical training has gifted him steady hands, because he’d be shaking uncontrollably if he had not practiced the art of calming himself when his own nervous system is on overdrive.

“Inhale. Exahale.” Yoongi instructs, for your sake and his own.

You follow his commands, taking in a deep inhale and long exhale, but you manage to squeeze in a quick question, one that you had been curious about for the past half hour. “Since I can’t see your name tag, can you tell me how I should address you?” Yoongi’s hand freezes, still placed above your exposed chest.

“You can call me Dr. Min.” He answers, eyes fluttering up to trace over your facial features but finding it difficult to read your emotions without your eyes to give anything away.

Lucky for him, you smile at his response, and it’s so reminiscent of the first time he saw your lips stretch into such a beautiful form that his heart almost skips a beat.

The rest of the testing goes efficiently, mostly because it’s filled with some light conversation. Now that you know his name, you somehow feel closer to him for some inexplicable reason. He’s not that nameless, faceless medical practitioner that’s pinching and probing you like you are some lab specimen, but rather a doctor by the name of Dr. Min, who handles you like a porcelain doll and speaks with a kind of rhythm that takes you to a place as familiar as home.

“Well, that’s all for now.” Yoongi announces as he cleans up. You can hear him packing away up his equipment, metal against metal, and the sound of him pushing the cart back into the corner.  

“Will you be back?” You ask as he walks back to your bedside.

“Of course.” He answers, letting his face relax into a smile. “I’ll come as much as you need me to.”

“I would like that.” You say, as he helps you lie back down to rest.

Yoongi doesn’t know what you mean by that statement, but he assumes you just want to be reassured that you’ll be properly taken care of. He jots down a few notes on his notepad and prepares to leave, but just as he was about to leave the room you call for him one last time.

“Dr. Min?”

Yoongi halts mid-step. “Yes?” He turns back to look at you, even though he’s fully aware that you can’t see him anyways.

“Thank you.”

 …

 Past

 Yoongi didn’t lack appeal in the traditional sense of the word, but he wasn’t exactly good at being a ladies magnet. He knew he wasn’t physically alluring, but he had brains, and there were plenty of girls who could appreciate a smart man. Like take Kim Namjoon for example, a man with the IQ of a genius, constantly spewing quotes as deep as the Pacific Ocean. But unlike Yoongi who gave off the aura of someone who hated everything about life, Namjoon made his nerdiness come off as charming and irresistible.

Yoongi, on the other hand, rarely expressed emotion on his face, and even when he did, it was always solely around his closest friends.

“So you’ve moved on from spying on her from the library?” Namjoon leans back in his chair and crosses his arms, contemplating the next steps he can suggests the hopeless male take.

“Joon, I told you, I stopped engaging in that shit a long time ago.” Yoongi huffs. “It was creepy, I know.”

Namjoon chuckles wholeheartedly. “And yet you managed to do that for what, 2 months?”

“Shut up”

“You’ve spoken to her before. Why not ask her out?” He proceeds to push the topic, despite knowing that the older male never wants to talk about it.

“Because I’m over her.”

“Lies.”  

Yoongi hates it when Namjoon is right because Namjoon is always right. He’s not over you. Hell, he’s never going to be over you. And just because he doesn’t see you anymore, doesn’t mean you’ve stopped haunting his dreams or daytime musings or every crevice of his cerebral cortex.  He even applied to be a TA for an introductory Bio course this semester, hoping that it’ll take his mind off of things that should not be specified.

He had thought it was the perfect plan, that is, until he saw you walk into the lecture hall on the first day of class.

What kind of fuckery-

“Yoongi, right?” He looks up to find you standing in front of his desk, apparently keeping his head down and eyes trained on the professor’s stack of handouts was not going to help him turn invisible.

“Y-Yes” He clears his throat.

“I know we don’t really know each other yet, but you don’t know how glad I am to see you.” You admit, looking around at the other students whose faces you’re even less familiar with. This is what happens when a liberal arts student decides to take a science class for fun, just to see what it was like.  

“You are?” Yoongi’s jaw slackens at your unexpected revelation. You can’t seriously be glad to see him for the reason he thinks… can you? He’s not misinterpreting your words… is he?

You nod while beaming at him so brightly it’s almost painful for his frail heart. “Yeah, I don’t know anyone here.” You clarify.

Yup. He misinterpreted. “Oh, right. Lit major.” Yoongi pretends to casually recall, not that he even came close to forgetting any detail about you.

Throughout that entire semester, Yoongi learns more about you than he had ever dreamed he would have the opportunity to. Because of your nonexistent science background, you always show up to his tutoring hours and stay longer than any other student. At first it made him a bit uncomfortable, knowing that there was no way he would even stand a chance at getting over his feelings for you at this rate, but interacting with you soon settled into a comfortable routine, one in which he almost gained enough confidence to be less nervous around you.  

“I’m sorry, you probably have other things to do.” You apologize as you look up at the clock hanging on the wall and see that it’s past the end of his tutoring hours.

“It’s fine. I was planning on staying here to study anyways.” He smiles at you, pulling out his own textbooks to show that he wasn’t leaving any time soon.

He hates himself for unleashing this type of self-torture on himself, for falling into this vicious cycle of not being able to resist caring about you past what is expected, or even reasonable for a mere TA. He didn’t have to stay past his tutoring hours for your sake. He didn’t have to make customized study guides just for you, and go out of his way to hide the fact that he did all of these extra things.

So you never knew about the countless occasions, Yoongi spent all evening helping you study class material, even when he had projects and lab reports due the next day. You never knew about how he didn’t mind losing a few hours of sleep, if it meant spending those hours with you.

 …

 Present

 “Y/N? The Y/N that still plagues your conscience to this day?” Namjoon almost spits out the bite of food he was chewing on. He and Yoongi were eating lunch in the hospital cafeteria when the older male decided to break the news to him. He knew Namjoon would find out eventually, so there was no need to hide it.

“You’re over exaggerating” Yoongi mutters, looking down at his lunch tray and picking at his food absentmindedly.

Namjoon sighs. “Am I? I told you the guilt wouldn’t go away that easily.”

By guilt, Namjoon means the terms in which Yoongi left for medical school without saying goodbye to you or even leaving you a way to contact him. 

“It was four years ago.” Yoongi reminds, as if time would really allow him to accept the decision he made.

But he’s never stopped regretting it. He’ll never forget how long he spent waiting by that bench, pacing back and forth while formulating a way to tell you how he truly felt about you, only to run away when he saw you walking down the sidewalk with someone else. That other guy was probably just a friend of yours, but the scene of you laughing to your hearts content as you linked your arms with him shattered any bit of confidence he had managed to assemble.

In retrospect, it was pretty stupid of him to let something so trivial prevent him from doing what he should’ve done at the time, which was confess in the face of potential rejection. He also didn’t know it would be the closest he ever got to telling you how much he liked you, nor did he anticipate it being the last chance he ever got to see you before he went off to medical school. He often wonders what would’ve happened if he had just sucked it up and confessed. Would you have given him a chance? Would he be less regretful? Even in the event that he was rejected, he was certain at the very least he wouldn’t feel so pathetic for chickening out even to this day.  

He still lingering over those thoughts of the past as he lightly knocks on the doorframe of your recovery room.

At the sound of the familiar tap, your head jerks towards the entrance and your lips curve into a gentle smile when you hear the distinct footsteps of the doctor who never fails to brighten your day.

“How are you feeling?”

It’s always the first thing that glides past his lips, the tangible serenade that makes the dull room come alive. 

“So much better now” You hum, exhaling blissfully.

Yoongi furrows his brows, not quite understanding what you are referring. “Did the nurse up your dosage?”

You laugh, shaking your head. “It has nothing to do with any of my medications, Dr. Min.”

Yoongi takes a seat on the chair by your bedside, still oblivious to what you mean.

“I heard you’re a writer now.” He says as casually as he can while simultaneously gripping the book he has brought and is planning on reading to you- if you wanted, that is. He was actually on a break from work, but decided to pay you a visit because he figured you would be bored, or at least that’s the excuse he kept repeating to himself. Truthfully, he’s feeling very uncertain of his actions and whether or not this is even an acceptable thing to do as your primary doctor. It’s probably not, but when has Yoongi ever been able to resist going the extra mile when it came to you?

“Now?” You pause at his peculiar statement. Were you being overly sensitive to his choice of words or did he actually sound like he was someone who knew you in the past? Maybe it was just a misunderstanding on your part.

“I mean, it says you are a writer on the patient information forms.” Yoongi corrects, quickly clearing his throat awkwardly.

“I am” You nod. “I’ve always been passionate about literature, but sadly, I can’t read or write in this condition.” Your expression falls, and Yoongi feels a tiny pang in his heart.

Yoongi looks down at the book clutched between his fingers. “Well, I can read to you if you would like.” He is trying really hard to make this a smooth transition to why he came to visit you today and not give away the fact that he actually planned this whole “read to you” thing. “I just happen to have this book here with me right now, and I’ve got some time to kill.”

You remain silent as you let his words sink in. It crosses your mind as being a little strange for a doctor to just have random books on hand while working. “Do you always carry books around?”

Yoongi swallows nervously. “I-I….yes” He stutters.

You giggle. “So you’re an avid reader?”

“You can put it that way.” He responds before flipping over the cover.

When he begins reading, you immediately recognize the title of the piece he had conveniently chosen. Was it too much of a coincidence that he just happened to have picked up one of your favorite books? Surely the patient forms would not contain such personal and medically unrelated information.

“You’re a fan of Murakami?”

He glances up from the page. “A friend of mine is.” He replies, recalling how Namjoon had shoved so many of the Japanese author’s works in his face over the years. He eventually grew fond of them for reasons he normally elected to not acknowledge, but deep down he knew it was because they always reminded him so much of you and your own literary tastes.

“I’m glad it rubbed off on you.” You comment, smiling once more.

Yoongi takes your peaceful reactions as a sign that you enjoyed his uncustomary visits, so he comes whenever he’s on break. Of course, he always hides those details and pretends that he’s just stopping by as he’s making his hospital rounds, but that was beside the point. Sometimes he even comes with a journal to write for you, becoming your pen and paper. You share all of your ideas with him, the deepest layers of your thoughts that your surprised became something that was so easy to do. It’s not every day that you feel comfortable enough to be in someone else’s company when you are writing. You typically wouldn’t even allow your closest of friends to walk in on you brainstorming fantastical ideas for new stories.

It was all going well for Yoongi until the day he didn’t time his visit right and almost fell out of his chair when the nurse walked in on him as he was reading to you.

Her expression is of mild astonishment as she stares at the neurosurgeon dressed in casual attire. “Dr. Min, I thought you were off work today?” Her question echoes loud and clear throughout the room, making Yoongi wince at the revelation of the secret he had kept so well up until now.

“I-I…” He completely at loss for words, eyes shifting over to you who has no idea what is going on.

The nurse proceeds to check up on you, clearly oblivious of Yoongi’s stupefied state.

He remains standing awkwardly against the wall as she finishes her assigned duties, not making a sound or clarifying why he was still there. Luckily the nurse doesn’t think much of it, and leaves as soon as she is finished.

“Dr. Min?” You voice as you hear him sit back down.

“Yes?” Yoongi murmurs timidly.

You smile knowingly. “Thank you”

 …

 It was exactly four months later that Yoongi was informed of a potential corneal donor for you. Admittedly, the moment was a bit bittersweet for him because it meant that you would be leaving the hospital with new eyes as soon as you recover from surgery, which means he would probably never see you again.

“I can’t believe you haven’t told her.” Namjoon is tempted to tear his hair out at this point.

“Of course I told her!” Yoongi defends, taken aback by the fact that his closest friend would think so lowly of him.

“I’m not talking about the donor stuff. I’m talking about the fact that she doesn’t know you’re the Min Yoongi from her undergrad days. 

Yoongi sighs. He should’ve known that Namjoon was still caught up in that. “Eh, she’s probably long forgotten about me.” Yoongi brushes it off, despite the little voice in his head that’s furiously trying to agree with the younger male. “It’ll just be weird if she finds out now because I’ve stepped over my boundaries as a doctor.” It was the truth, more or less. He’s definitely way past distant professional relationship at this point, and he thinks he’s certain that you’d be creeped out if you knew everything he’s done or has been doing for you.  

Namjoon rubs his temples in utter frustration, completely speechless at this point. “I don’t know what else to say.”

The surgery is successful. Of course, since it’s Min Yoongi and he’s just that skilled of a neurosurgeon. He doesn’t visit you on the day your bandages are removed and you can finally see the world in all of its glory once again, the brilliant sunlight surging into the small room, the vase of vibrantly colored flowers on the table by the window, the light blue and white bed sheets that you are seeing for the first time in four months. It was an exhilarating feeling; one that you’ll probably remember for the rest of your life, and it would’ve been a perfect moment, if only the first person you saw was the Dr. Min who gifted you the honor of being able to experience such a wonderful sensation again. 

You couldn’t hide the disappointment in your expression when all you saw was the nurse staring at you apathetically, and checking to make sure everything was functioning properly.

Maybe he was busy. You console yourself.

 …

 Yoongi was just getting off of his overnight shift a week after you checked out of the hospital, when he noticed that the flowers around the hospital grounds were beginning to bloom again. Leaving the hospital in the morning wasn’t that odd of an occurrence, but it was the first time in a long time he was taking a moment to enjoy the heartwarming signs of spring in the air. The sky was clear and the wind was twirling in enchanting ways.

He kind of wishes you were here to enjoy this with him.

But he only chuckles at the silly thought. Allowing you to actually see him was completely absurd. He even made sure some other patient was occupying your room before making a trip back to the place he had frequented for the past four months, basking in some of the old memories of the conversations the two of you had. He can’t deny the fact that he misses you, but he convinces himself that leaving you oblivious was for the best. Just as his mind was flooded with a few remaining thoughts of you, he closes his eyes and imagines he can almost hear the sound of your voice.

“Yoongi!”

The echo of his name being called by such a lovely and familiar melody makes him wonder if his lack of sleep or ungodly sleeping habit due to his job is finally taking a toll on his body.

“Dr. Min Yoongi!”

This time it’s louder and clearer than the first, and it makes his tired heart begin to race.

No fucking way.  

He whips his head around in a daze, only to see you standing a measly few feet away from him. He blinks a few times; still unable to comprehend that this isn’t one of his drowsy hallucinations.

You continue to stare at him with fond eyes, tracing over his aged yet soft features. He honestly hasn’t changed much, other than the dark bags under his eyes which you know will disappear after he gets some much needed rest. The disbelief that he’s drowning in is evident in his wide pupils and slightly parted lips.

“You were going to leave me hanging again, weren’t you?” You playfully accuse, taking long strides forward to close the gape between the two of you.

“I-I-…” He’s dumbfounded, unable to believe that this isn’t one of his illusory dreams of you, and that you are in fact standing before him right now, tangible and real, and looking at him with eyes that are seemingly verging on joyful tears. “You knew it was me?” He manages to inquire amidst his incredulity.  

“Eventually.” You admit, smiling at the way he drops his gaze. You gently reach up and cup his cheek. “At first I was a bit hurt that you didn’t tell me, but then I realized that it gave me a chance to fall in love with you…again.”

Yoongi’s jaw drops at your confession, and he feels like his breathing has stopped all together. “Y-You…m-me…again?” He’s lost the ability to form coherent sentences. This can’t be happening. Did you really just? To him?

You nod, chuckling at how embarrassing this all was, but you couldn’t lose him again, not after you regretted never telling him how much he meant to you four years ago and how much he still means to you now. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pour all of this on you all of a sudden.” You exhale in an attempt to calm your pounding heart.

There’s a long moment of nerve-wracking silence before Yoongi finally speaks.

“Y/N…” He takes a deep breath, organizing his frenzied thoughts as best as he can. There’s so much he wants to say, but he doesn’t know where to begin. He wishes he could just transfer everything he wanted you to know without having to come up with a way to eloquently convey his feelings. From that heart fluttering moment he first laid eyes on you to this unforgettable exchange that is making him feel like the happiest man alive, he doesn’t know how to get it all across in one statement, so he settles for something simple. “Y/N, I love you.” He ends up spilling the words he’s always wanted to say but never thought in a million years he would have the chance to.

Your face heats up at his direct confession, but that doesn’t stop you from taking it as a green light to jump into his arms, nuzzling your face into the crook of his neck. “I’m not dreaming, am I? This is real, right?”

Yoongi closes his eyes and soaks in the scent of your hair, arms squeezing you just a tad bit tighter as if to show that this, indeed, is not a dream. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this to be real.”

...

[samoyeddaniel-blog]

Target | Kang Daniel - Soulmate Series

genre: angst

member: Kang Daniel

requested: yes

a/n: thank you anon for requesting! I think this is a little bit more intense than the other scenarios I’ve written, but I hope you guys like it! Feel free to request!

summary: you had your first meeting with your soulmate in the worst way possible.

soulmate au: countdown timer - a clock suddenly appears on your wrist, telling you how long you have until you meet your soulmate.

soulmate series: Kang Daniel | Park Jihoon | Lee Daehwi | Kim Jaehwan | Ong Seongwoo | Park Woojin | Lai Guanlin | Yoon Jisung | Hwang Minhyun | Bae Jinyoung | Ha Sungwoon

Target | Rescue

You were jealous that most of your friends already had their countdown timer embedded on the underside of their wrist, showing the time they had left before meeting their soulmate. Some of their countdown timer had reached 0, which meant they had met their soulmate and they were having the time of their life.

But yours hadn’t even appeared yet. As day went by, you were getting more anxious. What if you were the only one who would never have a countdown timer? What if you weren’t born with a soulmate?

The thoughts kept bothering you until one morning, a countdown timer appeared on your wrist. You screamed happily the moment you caught sight of the timer. It showed 12:25:50, meaning you would meet your soulmate later tonight.

You had been worrying all this time that your soulmate might not exist. But now that you had a countdown timer, your smile never left your face since you spotted it. You literally giggled and laughed the whole time - your mom even thought you were sick. But after you showed her your timer, your mom was really happy for you. She excitedly encouraged you to doll yourself up before the timer reached 0.

So after you had your lunch, you and your mom went shopping to buy a cute dress for you to wear, then you both visited a makeup and hair salon to enhance your appearance.

You couldn’t contain your happiness as you proudly bragged about your countdown timer to your friends when you briefly met them in the afternoon, right before the fated encounter with your soulmate. You were really excited and you couldn’t wait to meet him.

Trying to make your first meeting with your soulmate as sweet and memorable as possible, you decided to wait under the cherry blossom tree where there were barely people around, so that you would have a private moment with him, without having to risk people hearing or watching you. Because you would probably be having a date with him later to get to know each other better. The mere thoughts of meeting him were enough to make you giddy with anticipation.

One minute before the meeting, your eyes were fixated on your wrist, counting down out loud together with your timer. Your grinned widely when you sensed someone coming closer towards you as your timer showed there’s 5 seconds left, but you didn’t lift your gaze to take a glance at him. Instead, you kept counting down loudly, focusing on the timer on your wrist.

“5… 4… 3… 2… 1…0! Found you, soulmate!”

Now that it reached 0, you snapped your head upwards and flashed your brightest smile to the man in front of you.

***

Daniel was holding your photo, carving every detail of your face in his mind. He had to be able to identify you among the crowd. Failure was unacceptable for him.

Since you left your house at noon, Daniel had been following you around, keeping a distance from you far enough so that you wouldn’t realize that he’s tailing you. Wearing his black hoodie, he tried to blend in with the crowd, watching you having fun with your mom and your friends closely.

When you parted with your friends, Daniel thought that it’s finally time for action. It was dark and there’s no people around besides you and him. He wore his hood up to conceal himself in the darkness, approaching you quietly.

Daniel thought this would be a piece of cake since you were so focused on your wrist that you didn’t notice him coming for you. He scanned his surrounding to make sure once again that there’s no one watching them and no cctv cameras around the area. He carefully took out his knife with his gloved hand and walked over to you, wanting to quickly get it over with.

But then he heard you counting down, so Daniel froze in his tracks, wondering what you were counting for. He stood there rooted to the spot just a meter away from you.

“5… 4… 3… 2… 1… 0! Found you, soulmate!” you exclaimed excitedly.

Daniel quickly glanced at his wrist and cursed under his breath when he saw his timer reached 0 too. Before you lifted your head to look at him, Daniel swiftly hid his knife back in his pocket.

He could feel his mind whirring as he was torn between his life and his soulmate’s safety. But no matter how heartless Daniel was when it came to killing people, he just couldn’t kill his soulmate. So, he ended up choosing you over himself.

Thinking that he must have destroyed a country in his past life, Daniel bitterly accepted his fate. How could fate be so cruel to the two of you? How could it be that out of all people his soulmate was his target?

***

You were so elated that you finally saw how your soulmate looked like. So you excitedly introduced yourself. “Hello, soulmate! My name is Y/N, please take a good care of me.”

Instead of introducing himself, your soulmate darted his eyes around anxiously and said rapidly, “Listen to me, it’s not safe here. You should leave this country immediately. Ask your father to hire security details for you. I’ll try my best to delay them, but I can’t hold them back for long.”

You frowned, unable to comprehend what he’s rambling on about. “Wait. What are you talking about?”

Thinking that it would be faster to show than explain, he took out his knife from his pocket, causing you to gasp out loud before he put it back in. “I’m hired to kill you.”

Unable to recover from the shock, you stammered, moving back a step, “W-why… Who… W-who are you?”

“I’m Kang Daniel. And I’m a hitman. Sort of,” Daniel said casually as if it was a common job. “You should go now.”

You were still confused about what’s happening. “A-aren’t you going to kill me?”

“I changed my mind.” Daniel warily scanned his surroundings. “Please go, hurry.”

Daniel’s tone softened when he said the last words and somehow it calmed you down. You’re convinced that he wouldn’t kill you. Although your first meeting was way worse than you’d imagined, he was still your soulmate. And you weren’t just going to let him go like that.

“I won’t go until you tell me everything.” You finally regained your composure and started to question him. “Why me?”

Daniel sighed. “The information is classified. Even I don’t know why. But I do know that it has something to do with your father.”

You should have known. Your father was the CEO of a big corporate group. Because of that, people had attempted to kidnap you a few times before. But you hadn’t expected they would try to kill you now.

“Well, even so, since I’ve found you, I’m not going anywhere,” you said stubbornly. “I don’t care if you are a hitman. I’m going to stay with you.“

“Are you crazy?” Daniel snapped. “Do you even hear yourself? I kill people for a living, Y/N. Do you think I can live a happy life? Do you think I deserve to be happy?”

You opened your mouth to talk, but the words were stuck in your throat. Daniel did bad things and nothing you would say could change that fact.

However, the more you heard Daniel speak and the more you saw how he behaved, the more you started to think that he hated this job and he was doing it either because he was forced or he was blackmailed. This made you curious about his past and how he got involved in this shady business. Whatever it was, it’s obvious that he’s not doing this on his own accord.

Suddenly, Daniel cursed out loud. "They followed me. Stay here. And you might want to close your eyes.”

With that, Daniel took out his knife and walked away from you.

“Come on out,” Daniel shouted.

On cue, three men came out from their hiding, holding knife like Daniel. You could see that things would get really messy after this and you were getting nervous. You had a bad feeling that Daniel was about to kill people again.

One of them spat, “You traitor. Wait till Boss hears this.”

“Oh really? I’ll make sure he won’t get to hear it from you three.” Daniel turned to face you and said, “Close them now.”

You obliged and shut your eyes. You were not sure what’s happening, but you could hear people groaning in pain. Fight must be going on right now. You were worried about Daniel because it’s one against three, but you decided to believe in him.

However, when you sensed movement near you, you couldn’t help but flip your eyes open, only to find one of the three guys dashing towards you. Before you could react, Daniel ran to stand between you and the guy, shielding you, so Daniel ended up getting cut instead of you.

“Daniel!” you shrieked worriedly.

“I told you to close your eyes!” Daniel yelled, his hand pressing his wounded stomach.

You closed your eyes again, but this time your body was shaking. Daniel was injured because of you. He saved you from getting slashed.

After a few seconds, you didn’t hear anything besides Daniel’s ragged breath.

“You can open them now,” Daniel said weakly.

When you opened your eyes, you gasped, looking at how serious his injury was and how the three other guys were lying on the ground, lifeless.

“Daniel, we should go to the hospital,” you said, approaching him, your eyes not leaving his wounded stomach.

Daniel winced painfully as he laughed. “I can’t go to hospitals, Y/N. Don’t worry, this wound is nothing. I’ve had much worse.”

None of his words convinced you. You still looked at him worriedly. To reassure you that he’s fine, Daniel smiled at you so warmly that you could feel your insides melt.

Daniel reached out his clean hand to touch your cheek and said softly, “Can you see the life I’m living now? This is why we can’t be together. I can’t get you involved with this mess. You’re a kind girl. You deserve every good thing in this world. You deserve to be happy.”

It must be because of the soulmate bond. You had never felt this way before. His touch made you yearn for more. Your heart fluttered every time you heard his voice. It didn’t make sense. You literally had just met him a few hours ago. But why did it feel like you’d been together with him for years?

And you’re relieved when you could tell that Daniel was also feeling the same as you from the look in his eyes.

You lifted your hand to rest it over his. “But I can only be happy if I’m with you.”

“I’m a criminal, Y/N,” Daniel reminded you. “My option is either killing people or rotting behind bars.”

“But you’re also a victim.” Daniel seemed shocked when you said this, so knowing you’re in the right track, you continued, spouting your wild guesses, “They must have kidnapped you and forced you to do bad things for them. We can just expose them to the police and get you out of there.”

Daniel shook his head and stroked your head gently, tucking strands of your hair behind your ear. “It’s not that easy, Y/N. We both will end up dead before we can reveal anything about them. And I can’t afford that. You at least have to live.”

Your voice started to shake. “What about you?”

“They will kill me right after they find out I betrayed them anyway, which won’t be long after they realize that these three don’t come back to the HQ. So I might as well try to buy some time for you to leave the country.”

You walked over to him and pulled him into a hug, much to his surprise. “But I don’t want to leave the country. I want to be with you, Daniel.”

“I’m sorry,” Daniel said sadly, wrapping your back with his clean hand to hug you. “But I want you to be safe. This might not make sense because we just met hours ago, but I don’t want to see you hurt or sad.”

Tears rolled down your cheeks. “This might not make sense because we just met hours ago, but I don’t want to part with you.”

Daniel wiped your tears with his thumb. “This might not make sense because we just met hours ago, but I think I’ll miss you a lot.”

You were smiling and crying at the same time. You probably looked awful but you couldn’t care less. “This might not make sense because we just met hours ago, but I think I’ve completely fallen in love with you.”

“Me too.” Daniel pressed a soft kiss on your forehead. “I’m glad I can meet my soulmate before I die.”

Tears streamed down your face even harder when Daniel pushed you away from him. The cold breeze was suddenly hard to bear. You already missed his warmth and you wondered how to live the rest of your life without him.

“Now go. I have to get rid of the bodies before people find out. Good bye. Be safe.” Daniel moved back a few steps, widening the gap between you two.

“Try to stay alive, okay?” you said worriedly.

“I will,” Daniel reassured you, showing you his warm smile that might be the last smile you saw from him. “I promise I will stay alive long enough until you leave the country.”

You whirled around and ran away without looking back, because you knew if you did, you might never be able to bring yourself to leave him again.

a/n: don’t ask me why it suddenly turned into a crappy mafia au scenario because I don’t know lol I’m sorry this is really messy, hope you still like it! I don’t know whether I should write a second part or not, but if you’re curious about Daniel’s past, I might consider it~

update: the sequel is done, you can read it here.

[ruginite]

☁

SEND ME A SYMBOL FOR… Status: Acceptin’ 

☁  five times my muse has thought about yours, and the one time they do something about it.

          [ I can’t count the times I almost said what’s on my mind   ]

1 -

It’s cold. The streets alive and windows warm with lights and passing shadows. The thrum of time square can be felt even from here. From where he stands, leaned to at the mouth of the alley across the street from their apartment. A perfect view of the party going on indoors. Where its warm and probably loud with laughing and music jacked up to high.

It makes him smile, despite the cold and the snow starting to fall again on the already covered concrete jungle. He won’t go in. Won’t make his presence known. Mostly…because he’s just too tired. He hadn’t lied when he said he’d had to work. He didn’t think he’d be back this soon. Shy two hours too midnight, and just under another after touch down. So he won’t go in. Dead on his feet as he is. He’d just wanted to stop by. Anonymously check in. Make sure that at least one of them were ringing in the new year like they should.

Because he worries. Always thinks on. Everything always comes back to Duck. And a sigh hangs in the frozen air before him, disrupted only when he moves to leave. Walking off down the sidewalk, with not but his foot prints to ever indicate he had been there at all.

2 -

It’s hot. Hot as the back side of jersey. Waves rising off the side walk outside. And though there’s fourteen fans, the ac blasting and shelter from the sunlight; it’s no damn different inside than it is out. Not with the bay doors open like they are; to keep the lot of them from dying from fume inhalation. Still it’s the cause of him working half blind on the engine he’s leaned over. But thank fuck for small favors because at this angle? He’s got one hell of a view of his surprise visitor.

What? Sue him. He’ll blame it on the heat later, when he’s feeling marginally guilty about it. But it’s also not entirely his fault or the weather’s. It’s Riley’s too. Nobody asked him to stand there, chatting it up with Vinnie while he waited for Bastian to finish up what he’s working on so they could go to lunch. Nobody asked him too look as good as he does in button ups and slacks. And definitely nobody for this heat wave to make all of that stick to skin in places that are straight up sin.

Something however slices flesh rather suddenly, and his attention is pulled back to where it should be. A curse grumbled into the inner working of the car and he’s yanking his hands out. Shuffling off to rinse out the cut and tape it up. Because that’s another thing no body asked for. Blood all over the merchandise.

3 -

Every single syllable out of her mouth grates on his ears, like nails on a chalk board. But he keeps his seat. Knocks back the rest of his whiskey and raps knuckles on the bar for another round. Gaze cast away from his glass, picking a spot that’s inconspicuous but still leaves what he covets in view. And maybe for minutes he lets himself pretend.

Tricks himself into thinking the polished wood under his finger tips is really silk. That the scent of whiskey isn’t coming from his own lips. The clink of his glass being set back before him is really liquor drowned nothings in his ear that he doesn’t even know what are. That he’s not quite so alone in his own space. 

There you go, Boss.

But it’s all shattered by the bartender. He gaze torn away, back to where it should have been the entire time. And fingers wrap around the drink. Knock it back in it’s entirety before standing up. Dropping cash on the bar to cover what he’s had. He’s not leaving he just needs a little air. That isn’t permeated with everyonething he shouldn’t want. And feet shuffle him out the door. Ignoring the inquires as to his destination as he goes.

4 -

Usually he’s more of a spectator every year. Finding a good spot to watch the parade. Taking in the feel of it. Of for once not being the only one. Not being the odd man out. Of being surrounded by people he has something in common with. Surrounded by people born different from the fucking status quo just like he had been. Call it immature, call it selfish, call it weak–but it helps. Helps remind him that at least in some ways somewhere there’s people of his particular shade.

Riley enjoys it more than Bastian thought he would. Being the social butterfly the fucker is. Making event long buddies with the people around them. Something Bastian had never bothered to do. Because while being here made him feel part of something, control and habit had always kept him still inside his own little box. But Riley didn’t have that problem. And soon enough he finds himself in a crowded bar. Glitter and confetti in places he didn’t even know he had. Quietly convening with the group Riley’s attracted.

But for all the beauty around him, he’s blind to it. Though perhaps their new found company isn’t blind to him. And there’s a friendly little nudge, a knowing sort of nod; from the tiny woman on his right. And even Bastian knows what she’s implying. So much so that his ears turn red, that flickering embarrassed sort of smile coming and going from his face. Before he’s leaning in just close enough to respond at a volume only she can hear.

           “Friend zone.”

And honestly? He doesn’t really mind the subsequent pat she gives his hand; or the extra shot she buys him because apparently? She knows exactly how he feels.

5 -

Two a.m. and he’s jolting awake. Covered in sweat and lungs heaving. A groan because every nerve ending is just as on fire as it had been in the fantasy he’d been all been truly wound within. And feet kick away covers, find the floor as he sits up. Rough hands rubbing at his face, as he gets up. Shuffles to the bath room. Pisses out the rest of last night’s drunken stupor and moves out into the hallway. Down the back stairs and into the kitchen. Because his mouth tastes like the bottom of a whiskey barrel but as dry as a cotton mill. 

The fridge door is hauled open, a bottle of water pulled from, cracked open and sucked down. And for moments he just stands there. Leaned against the kichen island. Letting the images play back in his mind. Echoed by logical thinking that he’s got to let this fixation go. That it’s never going to happen. That he should just get the hell out of dodge for a while. Let this cool off, grow cold, and come back when the bridge has rotted. Because it would be better for everyone else in the long run. 

A sigh, that drags everything down; before he’s shuffling to the trash can to throw the bottle away. Though he stops mid step when a sound carries from the living room. Brows knitting and the bottle becoming something else entirely. Something that hit much harder than thin plastic. And he’s moving from tile to carpet. Bare feet silent as the dead. At least until…

God damn it, Duck.

The small bat is set on the coffee table, gently. The ice pack that had fallen to the floor (the apparent source of the noise) picked up and set aside as well. And he just stands there for a minute or two doesn’t he? Watching the asshole sleep. But soon enough he’s moving again. Pulling the blanket off his dad’s old chair, shaking it out, and easy does it–covers up his best friend. Shiner, bruised knuckles and all. He won’t ask in the morning, he never does. But that doesn’t stop his fingers from almost grazing the black and blue ring around Riley’s eye. Fingers that retract a hair before it would be too late. And feet will him to turn and climb the stairs again.

Back to his bed. Alone. Like what’s best for everyone.

6 - 

Once upon a time…it had been his favorite time of year. Back before his life had gone shit everything wrong. And honestly it’s been years since he’s seen a Christmas tree. That wasn’t in a store window. That was decorated by hand and maybe not at all uniform and color coded. And even for as awkward as he feels surrounded by all the things, he’s avoided since his mom died—there’s a warmth too it he can’t deny he’s missed.

Music isn’t bad either. Classic stuff mixed in with modern. And maybe he catches himself more than once humming along. Always too quiet for anyone but him to hear; from where he spent most of the night. Tucked by the window. People watching. And more or less being okay with it. It’s his friend’s lot, not his. Not that Bastian really has a lot. At least not one that’s much bigger than three people.

But even Christmas parties wind down. As maybe a little too soon, the last of the other guests are shuffling out the door. With himself still in the same spot he’s been haunting all night. A quiet good night that’s answered just a little louder by him. Before they’re all that’s left in the starkingly empty space. And he’s moving to help pick up a little. Throw away stray plates and cups. And it’s somewhere between clearing the coffee table and snagging a fork from the mantle that his attention is drawn elsewhere.

                 How about a drink? Saved the good stuff for us.

Honestly he probably looks a little funny. Standing there stiff as a snowman. Trash bag in one hand, the other hovering in the air above the fork. But he hadn’t exactly been prepared for the image. The image that was Riley standing there in the kitchen door way. A bottle of 30 year whiskey in one hand, and two glasses in the other. And over top his head? Jesus Christ’s balls but the universe just wasn’t damn fair. 

And there’s a war going on in his head. One screaming to say yes, the other to do something entirely different, and one more telling him to bolt for the damn door and not come back until he’d scrubbed the image from his memory. But there’s no scrubbing this away. It’s there now. Embedded with every other time, the universe had decided to place Riley in just the right place to taunt and tempt him into doing something foolish. 

But where every other time logic had won…maybe he’s had one to many tonight, to compensate for the crowd. Or so that’s what he’ll blame it on later. Because before he can really tell what he’s doing; he’s moving. The bag abandoned and the fork forgotten about. And where his feet should have stopped him they don’t. Where hands should have gone for the glasses they wind fingers into Riley’s shirt. Drag him down and into a kiss that shouldn’t be happening, if propriety were a thing right then. But it’s not. And Bastian holds it for heart beats before the need for air becomes a reality and he lets go.

Gaze tracking upward above Riley’s head, as he clears his throat and steps back. Hands driving into his pockets and blue finding the depths of the rug beneath his feet. His ears as red as the garland hanging around the door frame. Questions, cursing…something will come eventually, because Riley doesn’t know how not to talk but what else was Bastian supposed to do?

Andy had parked himself right underneath the spot Bastian had noticed he’d avoided all night. And he can only hope that somewhere if this all goes sides ways, that the little bits of green hanging precariously from the door frame can some how find away to dig him out of the grave he’s probably dug for himself. Because if not? 

                   Worst.Christmas.Yet.