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moonmeg · 4 months

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There is something I don't understand, if Bree had everything she needed and always wanted in the town where Neil was born, why did they decide to move to Bonesborough?

Didn't she think that upon returning she might have the bad luck to see her parents again and relive the traumas of her adolescence?

They moved because the land they had was very much useless and in order to provide and survive it was necessary to find another place to make a living at. Bonesborough was one of the options and the most profitable one at that. It's not that Neil specifically only cares about profit but he's well aware he has a wife and three kids to provide for and he would lay the world at all of their feet if he could, which is why he preferred Bonesborough over other places.

Breena was not happy about hearing that because, yes, she was afraid of her past catching up to her. Not only was she scared that meeting her "parents" would throw her back to the insecure and broken girl she was before meeting Neil but she was also scared it would affect her severely in her mother role. She wanted to do better than her "parents" and actually quite enjoyed being a mother to Makenna, Feya and Micah and she didn't want to possibly damage the good relationship she had with her kids because of that.

It threw her in a bit of a dilemma. She wants the best for her babies and if Bonesborough is the best option they have for a great life she will not object but she also doesn't want to be confronted with her abusers. So... who does she prioritize here? Her kids or herself?

Neil offered to investigate on whether or not Breena's parents still live in Bonesborough, hoping desperately for them to have moved themselves, so that Breena's fear could be taken away. He wanted to go to Bonesborough anyway to take a look at the land that is up for sale and so he took Ian with him and upon arriving handed him a note with Breena's old address and maiden name.

Ian went to the address given to him and there was still a house standing there. He knocked, the door opened, he introduced himself and let the woman that opened the door know who he's looking for.

"Ah no, I'm afraid you won't be able to find my cousin here. She moved out about 15 years ago."

"Yer cousin ye say?"

"Distant cousin if we want to be precise."

"Ye dinna happen to know where yer cousin is now?"

"No idea. I only know she separated from her then-spouse and they then both moved out of Bonesborough after their daughter disappeared. Don't know where to though. None of us in the closer and more distant family was able to contact either since they left."

"And they dinna plan to return?"

"Unlikely. Upon leaving my cousin was rather joyful than saddened. I wish I could help more, good Sir, but unfortunately that is all information I have."

"No worries, Ma'am. Ye helped me a lot already. I willna disturb ye any longer. Have a good day!"

"You too!"

Lucky coincidence.

Once Breena heard the bad part of her past was gone, it did make the decision easier. That and the fact now she was a 32 year old woman and no longer a child + the fact that she knew she wasn't alone but that she had a husband who she can confine in, who'll catch her and who'll build her up again, who'll stand with her no matter what, she made the decision to agree with the plan of moving to Bonesborough.

She wasn't ecstatic about it. She would've preferred staying with her found family in the town she grew to love, the town she married at and the town that was her children's birth place but she came to accept it. Being reunited with Ahana and Cat was her biggest joy and made it all a lot easier too <3

#moonmeg ask #breena bower #neil bower #breeil lore

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moonmeg · 7 months

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Layout for next comic done, head empty only Breeil scenario once again - this time not in comic form!

TW// body insecurity (negativity), implied eating disorder

"Bree, what's the matter?"

"Look at me!", she freed herself from his arms, "Look at my chest, my arms, my legs, my stomach! How can ye think I'm pretty when I'm not as thin as I used to be?! How can ye love me when I look like this?!"

Neil stared at her. He didn't understand what she meant, where this was coming from. He never gave her reason to doubt his adoration for her - so he thought at least. Breena kept avoiding his eyes and quickly turned her back to him, hiding herself and her body from the man she loved. The thought that he will leave her now that her body is so different tortured her. She didn't want him to leave. Neil was the best thing to happen to her...

"Bree, you are beautiful to me. And I mean that wi' all my heart. A few additional pounds willna change that. Especially not because that's more than natural in yer circumstances."

"My circumstances?", she turned her head in his direction slightly.

"Aye, yer pregnancy. Ye're growing a person inside o' ya, love. Of course yer body is changing."

He slowly closed the gap between them and gently brushed a red curl out of her face. He examined her face and noticed her quivering lip and her still avoiding eyes becoming glassy. It's rare he saw his wife so upset and vulnerable. He knew a pregnancy had its impact on the becoming mother's emotionality but something told him there was more to Breena's feelings.

"I'm just wondering, where ye get the idea from that I only love ye when ye're thin? Did I make ye feel like that?", he traced his thumb down her cheek. His voice calm and soft.

"It's not you."

...

"Was it them?"

She closed her eyes and the longer she thought about "them" the more her brows furrowed above her red-brown lashes. "Them" referred to the people that Breena was raised by. She didn't think they were worth the title of "parents". Parents are loving, they're caring and they'd never cause their child to run away from home with 16 because it's become unbearable to live with them. To Breena those two people she had to live with were but merely her creators. That was also what she referred to them as whenever they still influenced her life... like now.

"Titan...", Neil sighed, knowing that he found the reason behind his wife's behavior. Breena's creators barely were a topic in their conversations or a part of their life but whenever they did come up, it was never in good context. "What did they tell you?"

She glanced at her husband. It wasn't long but Neil was happy she had met his eyes finally even if just for a second. It meant she was willing to open up about it to him and she was building up strength to reopen a part from that chapter of her life that she actually long had closed and desperately wanted to seal and lock away. It was hard for her. He knew that.

Caressing his palms over her arms until he reached her hands and curling his fingers around them, he let her take her time. His thumb carefully ran across her knuckles - back and forth. It was his way of reassuring her. He's here. He's listening. She has all his attention. She's not alone.

Breena squeezed his hand as she took a breath. She hated that she troubled him with her problems of the past. She learned to keep her frustration to herself and in fear of bothering people dear to her never let them out. Communication never worked in her home, why should it work outside of it? Of course, Breena never would've bothered her friends nor is she bothering Neil or her newly found family-in-law with her feelings. But unfortunately old habits break hard.

"Ever since I was a lass, no older than 6, I was told that my appearance is the most important thing I have to offer. If I'm not pretty and a certain weight, I dinna deserve affection or... love. Nobody wants me if I'm not thin. Nobody would think me worthy. If I'm not in the image of my creators, I'll be lonely til my last days. So I...", she paused, taking a shaky breath, "...I always tried to fit in that expectation. Whenever I didna fit it, I was called worthless, ugly and denied food. Whenever I did fit, I was praised... at least one thing I did right."

"Oh, mo gaol...", Neil whispered, "I'm so sorry."

He squeezes her trembling hand tightly. That was the reason behind her eating habits, he finally figured. She barely ate, only small portions if any at all, and his mother and himself were always trying to get her to eat more but without much success. With the pregnancy she had started eating more at last but she always felt bad afterwards and apologized for eating so much and would deny herself food "to make up for it". He had theorized there was a reason to it but he never wanted to push her to talk about it.

"They're so wrong.", he cupped her face and leaned his forehead on hers, "Ye're worthy of love no matter what yer body looks like and no matter what ye weigh. I love you regardless. I always will."

"Ye will?", she hicced.

"Aye. I asked ye to marry me because I dinna want to live a life wi'out ye. Bree, ye are so much more than yer looks. I'm sorry yer creators told you such terrible lies and treated ye so horribly. I only wish we had met sooner so that I could've proven them wrong and given you the love and affection that ye deserve earlier."

Breena sniffed as his thumbs caught her tears. She buried her face in his palm and gave her emotions uncontrolled freedom. Sobbing she threw herself onto her husband's chest, clenching his shirt. Instinctively, Neil wrapped his arms around her back, securing her in that position.

"Neil, I-"

"Shh. There's nothing more for you to say.", he turned his face to press a kiss to her temple. He held her for a while, let her cry, comforted her by brushing through her curls. "I can only imagine how difficult it must've been for ye and how difficult it still is but... if I may, and if ye want to, I will do everything in my power to help ye heal. I'm here."

She pulled away from his chest to look at him. Cracking a smile she was the one to cup his face now. "I am so lucky and thankful to have ye."

"Aye.", he smiled back adoringly, "And I'm afraid ye're stuck wi' me 'until death do us part'."

Breena chuckled at him quoting their vows. She brushed a brown lock behind his ear before she met his golden eyes once again, gazing at her as if she was a deity and the only thing he cared about. She never knew what love really felt like but when Neil was with her, looking at her, wrapping her tightly in his arms, kissing her and smiling at her, she was sure to have found it. And she was willing to allow him to help her actually heal and actually, at last, close the chapter of her past.

"I can live wi' that."

#breena bower #neil bower #toh ocs #tdaac #not main story related #tw: body insecurity #tw: eating disorder

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