#brie~ 🫧

[itsbeeble]

I Think He Knows

SUMMARY: You've been in love with Joshua for as long as you can remember, yet you've never been able to tell him. Fortunately or unfortunately, you're pretty sure that he already knows.

GENRE: smut, fluff

PAIRING: Joshua Hong x afab!reader

WC: 4.9k

SERIES MASTERLIST

PERM TAGLIST: @winterchimez @juyeonszn @flwoie

SERIES TAGLIST: @captain-brie @nobraincellmode @anthropologymajorkpopmultistan

18+ MDNI AGLESS BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED

WARNINGS: uhhh, best friends to lovers, Hoshi being a snitch, p in v sex, brief oral (fem receiving), ddry humping, a bit of spanking, brat tamer!Joshua, brat!reader, tiny bit of angst if you really really squint, consent is IMPORTANT, tiny bit of alcohol, horrible flirting, multiple orgasms, idk this isn't my best work. It's also not edited so uh....good luck lol.

A/N: heyyyyyy 🥰. I'm not dead clearly, but my god has it been a minute. part of me is wondering if this series will ever be done but i'm doing my best. school sucks, work sucks, life is a bitch, and I burnt myself out. Anyway, thank you to Brie and Ally for betaing, much love kiss kiss. ALSO HAPPY VALENTINES DAYYYY

Your heart pounds ferociously in your chest, butterflies tumbling through your stomach uncomfortably. You feel like a teenager again, sitting in front of Joshua who has a boyish grin on his face. One of his hands traces along the bottom of his champagne glass, the other resting on the table and playing with the cork of the expensive bottle. You wonder if he knows how he makes your head spin with just a little smile and a glass of champagne. The thought doesn’t linger for long, and you let your gaze lower back to the practically empty plate before you. A few roasted vegetables remain on the plate, and you pick at them with your fork to avoid looking at your friend. 

Friends. That’s what you are. Nothing more, nothing less. As you always had been. 

Friends that took each other out to expensive restaurants, bought expensive drinks and expensive meals. Friends that—

“Soonyoung told me something interesting today,” he leans forward, dipping his head down to try and catch your eye. You glance up at him, but the fluttering in your stomach returns and forces your eyes back down.

“Oh yeah?” You murmur, thanking god for the dim lighting around you.

“Mhm. He mentioned you, actually.” 

Pause.

Kwon Soonyoung was the only person in the world who knew about your years-long crush on your best friend. If you could even call it a crush at this point. You’d admitted to yourself long ago that you were in love with him, admitted it to Soonyoung a few months back. You should’ve known better than to trust the mouthiest person in your friend group. 

“Now I’m curious,” you lift your head again, steeling yourself against the onslaught of nausea at what your mutual friend could have said. 

“He said,” Joshua shifts in his seat, running his tongue over his lower lip. “That you have feelings for me.”

Damn you Kwon Soonyoung. 

You nod slowly, lowering your fork onto the ceramic plate in front of you. The pounding in your chest has returned, hitting so hard against your ribs that you fear your heart will pop out and land right on the table in front of Joshua. 

“And…do you believe him?” You ask, failing to control the fear in your voice. Joshua smiles, and for a moment you let the fear wash away. Joshua Hong is the last person that you should feel afraid of. He was kind, he would never intentionally harm someone whether emotionally or physically, and he understood you better than most other people. You try to keep this in mind as you make eye contact. 

“I would be lying if I said that I didn’t at least hope he was telling the truth.” Joshua sits up, lacing his hands together and resting his elbows on the table. A spark, and you find the corners of your lips lifting. “Otherwise, my plans for the evening are a bit…a bit ruined, I guess.”

“You had other plans?” The champagne burns against the back of your throat as you down the rest of your glass. 

“Depends on how you respond to my question.” His eyes burn into yours and suddenly the table for two feels a lot smaller. 

“What question is that?” I already know, and I know my answer.

“Are you,” Joshua slides his glass to the side, “in love with me.”

“Yes.” You respond without hesitation, ripping the band-aid off and shocking both of you. Never had you been this forward with Joshua. You were always somewhat reserved with…everything, really. Past relationships, struggling with a subject, a pet passing away. You never wanted to let Joshua in and it made his heart swell that you did now. “I’ve— I’ve been in love with you since the day we met.”

Joshua sucks in a sharp breath of air, leaning back in his seat and smiling thoughtfully.

“I answered your questions,” you drum your painted nails on the table. “Now you get to answer mine.”

“Ask away.” Joshua waves his hand. 

“What sort of plans did you have for us?” 

The question was innocent— at least to you it was— but as you watch Joshua’s eyes darken with lust, you realize that the implications…may not have been as innocent as you had believed. You think he knows where your mind has derailed to, knows what thoughts have begun to plague you. 

Joshua tips back his glass of champagne, and you watch him carefully. You allow yourself to admire the way his neck cranes, the way his jaw is hit by the light. He drains the golden liquid in two long sips, wiping away the excess that rested on his lips with a delicate swipe of his thumb. 

“We’ll get to that,” he emphasizes the word, watching you tilt your head down and bite at your lip. “I have some other things I’d like to do before anything else.”

He flags down your waiter, calmly asking for the bill. You shift uncomfortably in your seat, disturbed by how the mild flirting had already gotten you worked up, but wait patiently for Joshua. You wouldn’t deny the fact that you were eager to see what he had in store for the two of you, what he’d planned on such short notice. 

“You ready?” He taps the table with one finger, already beginning to stand. 

“As I’ll ever be.” Your lips twist into a smile as he helps to pull out your chair, grabbing your jacket before you even had a chance to reach for it. “Aren’t you just a gentleman?”

“You should know by now that all I’m doing is the bare minimum.” He scolds, and you don’t pretend you don’t notice his eyes flicking from your eyes to your lips. 

“Best friends don’t pull out chairs for each other.” It’s a joke, both of you know it. You’re fully aware that after tonight, neither of you will ever be best friends again. Whether he asks you to stay with him or not, at the end of the night nothing will be the same. This doesn’t, however, stop Joshua from scoffing and tugging you by the waist to come closer to him. You stumble, nearly falling into his chest had his hands not been right there to catch you. 

“I think you know,” his voice is a quiet rumble, “that we’re never going to be best friends again after this, Y/N. You’re mine now, and I don’t think I’ll ever let you go.”

You have to fight everything inside of you to not yank him down by that dark hair of his and kiss him in the middle of that crowded restaurant. Thankfully, it looks as if Joshua is fighting that same urge, one hand dropping down and the other sliding to the small of your back to guide you toward the door. 

You’re mine now.

It’s a wonder that you make it to the car without jumping Joshua’s bones, but it seems you have more self-control than you’d given yourself credit for. The whole ride to…wherever it was that Joshua was taking you, you somehow managed to keep your hands in your lap, rubbing at your palm with your thumb. From the corner of your eye, you can see Joshua. He has one hand on the steering wheel, the other resting on the center console. He glances at you periodically, scanning your side profile.

“You’ve gotten quiet,” Joshua comments, drumming his fingers while you wait at a stoplight. Your eyes flick to his, and you purse your lips. “Are you…did I make you uncomfortable at all? Do— do you want me to bring you home?” 

“No,” you tell him quickly, shaking your head. “No. I want to stay with you.” 

The response soothes him, and he lets his hand drift to your thigh. He lets it hover over your exposed skin, waiting for you to push him away before he finally lets it rest on you. His hand is warm, his touch sending sparks through your body. You swallow hard, leaning back against the seat and staring at the road in front of you. Would it be wrong to tell him you want him to touch you more? To bring his hands just a bit higher, to—

Joshua’s hand squeezes a bit, drawing you back to reality. The light is green now and your body jerks as he presses on the gas. He lets his hand drift a bit higher, grazing underneath the fabric of your dress before stopping. Heat begins to pool in the pit of your stomach and you contemplate grabbing his hand and putting it right where you need it if he doesn’t move faster.

“You’re a menace.” You click your tongue and Joshua looks at you with a mocking pout.

“I didn’t do anything!” 

He’s right. Technically he hadn’t done anything. You, however, were on the verge of doing something very…inappropriate if he didn’t knock it off.

“I’m sure you didn’t.” You let your hand fall to his, tracing the back of it with your pointer finger, and watch the veins pop as he squeezes for the third time. You’re approaching a very familiar street with some very familiar houses. “Are we…are we going back to my place?” 

Joshua smirks. “Small change of plans.”

The giddiness inside of you returns, your head spinning as you think of all the things he could (and likely would) do to you. Your fingers lace through his, your heel-clad foot tapping against the floor protector in his car as he pulls into your driveway. He puts the car into park but leaves the engine running. For a few moments, neither of you says anything. The air between you is thick with tension, tension that grows when he tugs you toward him. 

“Tell me now if you don’t want this.” Joshua breathes out, his lips mere centimeters from your own. If you tilt your head just a bit, you’ll be able to kiss him— something you’ve craved since the day you met him. “Tell me now and I’ll walk you to your door and say goodnight.” 

“And if I do want this?” Your eyebrow arches, a playful look in your eyes. “What then, Joshua Hong?”

His eyes flutter, exhaling heavily as he tries to keep his composure.

“You’re going to be the death of me, I think.”

When Joshua kisses you, it isn’t as rough as you’d imagined. No, he’s gentle with you. His kiss ignites a fire inside of you, the flames swirling through your veins and heating your body until you fear you’re burning up. He cradles your jaw in one large hand as if you were glass and you would shatter if he held you too roughly. His lips move softly against your own, parting the slightest bit to catch your lower lip with his teeth. It’s a delicate dance, almost playful, and you couldn’t have asked for anything more. Your head tilts, allowing you to kiss him deeper, and a quiet groan leaves him. You smile a bit into the kiss, Your hand sliding up his chest to curl into the fabric of his shirt and pull him closer to you. Both of you ignore the fact that your body is halfway across the center console, your thigh resting on the seat between his legs keeping you propped up when his hands become distracted by the curves in your hips

The two of you only stop when you feel like you can’t breathe, your chest tight with the lack of air. 

“You taste good,” Joshua murmurs, his nose nudging yours as he gazes at you with heavy eyes.

“You think so?” Your lips press against his jaw, and he smiles tightly.

“Mhm.”

“You should turn off the car and take me inside so you can find out what else tastes good.”

That must have been the right thing to say, because Joshua’s eyes darken in an instant and then he’s shutting the engine off, slamming his car door shut, and walking quickly over to your side. When he opens your door, you don’t wait for him to outstretch his hand before you practically spring to your feet, grabbing him by the sleeve and yanking him after you. He laughs as he stumbles along behind you, tugging his arm out of your grasp and squeezing at your waist over the fabric of your dress. Your hands are trembling, the heat in your stomach growing more intense by the minute.

“Struggling, pretty girl?” 

His breath against your ear and his lips on your neck sends chills down your spine and you inhale sharply as his hand wraps around yours to help you guide the key into the lock. Your eyes are starting to flutter, your feet stumbling into the foyer of your home. Joshua presses you onward, one of his hands on the small of your back and the other flicking on the lights. You spin around to face him, your hands coming to his chest and curling around his tie to pull him down to kiss you again.

“At least let me get you upstairs,” he mumbles against your lips, grinning when you whine in protest.

“Can’t wait that long,” you deny, already fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. He grins, backing you through the doorway to your living room. 

He stops your movements to spin you away from him. You face your window now, curtains drawn and the windows to your neighbor's house across the street staring right back at you. “All your neighbors will see us. Is that what you want?” He’s kissing down your neck, hands trailing to the back of your dress to undo the clasp. 

“Let them see.” You hold your head high, hands clenching into fists as the fabric slides down your body and hits the ground with a soft thump, leaving your body completely bare except for a thin pair of lacey panties. “Let’s put on a show for them.” 

“Interesting.” Joshua seems entirely unaffected by the statement, but the way he pulls you back against him to grind against the growing bulge in his pants is saying something entirely different. “Didn’t take you as someone to like being watched. I’ll have to explore that another time.” 

You mean to respond, words forming at the tip of your tongue but never escaping your lips as Joshua pushes at your shoulder, slowly guiding you to the ground. Your knees fold beneath you, your eyes wide and filled with stars as he moves into your line of vision and then away from you. You watch as he lets the curtains fall and cover your windows, and then he turns back to face you and continues to unbutton his shirt, loosening his tie until it hangs loosely around his shoulders.

“What are you doing, Shua?” Your voice is weaker than you’d wanted it to be. 

Joshua smiles coyly, leaning down until he’s at eye level with you. “I said that I would explore that at a later date, pretty girl. Not tonight. Tonight, you’re mine.”

“Yours?” Your hand rises to cup his cheek similarly to how he held yours just a few minutes ago. 

“Mine.” 

His knees hit the ground on either side of you, leaning over your body until you’re forced to lay back. Your legs stretch out to make his position a bit more comfortable, your knees rubbing together in anxious anticipation for what’s to come. 

You expect him to kiss you, your lips starting to pucker and your eyes fluttering shut as he lowers his face to yours once again, but nothing happens. Your eyes open to find him mere inches from you with that same smirk playing on his lips. 

“What are you smirking at?” You ask him, but he doesn’t answer. He shifts further down your body, laying a soft kiss on your collarbone that has your breath hitching briefly. Another kiss, this one closer to where your heart lays pounding underneath your ribs. Your hand twitches, aching to run through his hair, but the second you move to act on this urge he’s pinning your hand to the ground and glowering at you. 

“No touching.” Joshua commands, mouthing at the soft flesh of your breast. “Not until I’ve tasted every last inch of your skin.” 

He slips further down your body, leaving trails of soft kisses in his wake. The only sound in the house is the soft pop as his lips leave your skin and the heaviness of your breathing. 

When Joshua reaches the hem of your panties, he stops and trails his finger along it. The brush of his skin on yours is so subtle, yet you’re addicted to the feeling of it. So many nights you had cum to the thought of him tugging your panties down your legs, his eyes boring into yours as he lowers his mouth to your glistening cunt, imagining how it would feel to have him licking and sucking nipping at your folds. So many nights, and yet nothing comes even close to how it really feels. 

The second he runs his tongue from your hole to your clit, your back is arching off the ground and a loud gasp is echoing throughout your home. Your hands fly to Joshua’s hair despite his prior instructions, but he doesn’t seem to care as he drags his tongue and teeth across you. Your legs try to squeeze around his head, attempt to trap him against you, but he doesn’t let you. His large hands pry your legs away from him, squeezing harshly at your thighs and pinning them to the ground on either side of you.

He mumbles into your cunt with loud and drawn out sounds that reverberate through your body and have your legs jerking with pleasure. 

“Shua,” you gasp out, your eyes rolling as he sucks particularly hard at your clit. “Shua, fuck.” 

A loud smack rings out, and your thigh begins to sting. Your eyes widen, your head lifting off the ground at the same time that Joshua’s pulls away from you, his mouth dripping with your arousal. 

“What the fuck—” 

Another smack to the side of your thigh, and you yelp. Joshua raises an eyebrow. 

“Want me to keep going?” You can’t tell if he’s insane or not. You can’t tell if you want to smack him or beg him for more. You don’t get the chance to retort before he’s smacking your thigh again, harder this time. “That wasn’t rhetorical, pretty girl.”

Your teeth grind together, and one of your feet comes to his shoulder to shove him back. Maybe he lets you push him back. Maybe he wants you to fight back. Maybe he was waiting for it, because when you lean your body over him, he’s grinning maliciously at you.

“Who do you think you are, smacking me like that?” You hiss, and he pouts.

“Like what? Like this?” His hand comes down again, this time directly on your ass and sending waves of pain and pleasure through your body. 

“Joshua Hong,” you snap, but there’s no real anger behind it as you begin to grind your lower body into his clothed cock. His hands come to rest on your waist, watching as you try to form words and pleasure yourself at the same time. “If you keep pulling shit—”

Smack

Your body shudders and an airy moan pushes out of your lips despite how you fight it. Joshua grins again.

“What were you saying, pretty girl? If I keep pulling shit…what? What are you going to do, baby?” 

You can’t answer him, your hips rolling into his harder and faster as you approach your high. 

“Oh, baby.” Joshua coos, his voice shockingly stable despite how you’re practically riding him over his pants, effectively ruining them with your juices. “You’re a little desperate, aren’t you?”

“Oh shut up,” you whine, folding forward until your mouth is right next to his ear. Your moans and whines are right in his ear now, intentional on your part, and his grip on your waist tightens. “Feels so good, Joshie.”

“Yeah?” He’s quieter now, a low growl in the back of his throat as he fights to keep his hips on the ground. Fights to let you have your little moment, your little bit of control over him. “How good, baby?”

“Gonna cum,” your lips find the skin beneath his ear, sucking a mark into his flesh as your hips begin to stutter. “F— god, Shua, please!”

“It’s okay, pretty girl,” Joshua coos, a bit of pride welling in his chest at how fast you learned. “You can let go. Go ahead and cum for me, pretty girl.”

Almost as soon as he says those words, you’re letting out a loud, near pitiful moan and your body begins to shake over his. A wave of arousal soaks into his pants, seeping through and beginning to wet his boxers, but he doesn’t mind. Not when the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen is cumming for him, moaning his name and no one else’s. 

Joshua can’t stop his hips from jerking into yours, pleasuring you even as your orgasm begins to ebb away. When he sits up, he cradles the back of your head in one hand, his eyes boring into yours in such a way that has you whining for him, clinging to his shoulders and turning away. 

“So pretty when you cum,” Joshua murmurs, lifting the two of you up and giving you a second to wrap your arms and legs around him as he loops around your living room to the couch. “Gonna fuck you now, okay pretty girl?”

“Okay,” you nod, but your eyes aren’t focusing and neither is your mind. It feels like you’re on cloud 9, and Joshua hasn’t even taken his pants off yet. 

He peers down at you, mild concern showing in his delicate features. 

“Y/N,” his hands are caressing your sides gently, pulling you back down to focus on him. “You good?”

“I’m fine,” you promise, smiling lightly at him. “I just…it’s hard for me to actually, like, believe that you want me how I want you.” 

Joshua smiles. “And how, exactly, do you want me?”

“Wholly. I want everything. I want all your love, all of your problems, every doubt, and every moment— good or bad.” His eyes soften as you speak, and for the first time that night he’s the one that’s gone quiet. “I want you carnally, I want you to crave my touch and my taste as much as I crave yours. Every kiss, every intimate moment. I want them all.”

“And you’ll have them.” Joshua promises, and then he’s kissing you again. It’s a deep, lingering kiss. His lips part against your own, your tongues dancing together but not dominating each other. Your hands cup his neck, holding him close to you, and in that moment you don’t hear the clinking of his belt or the sound of his zipper sliding down. 

“You promise?” You pull away from him, your lungs burning from the lack of air. Joshua smiles at you, and his lips press against your forehead. 

“I think you know the answer to that, pretty girl.” 

And you do. 

He would never have to say it, you always know. Joshua Hong, in all the years you’d been best friends, had never once told you something if he didn’t 100% believe it, if he wasn’t absolutely sure that he would or could hold himself to it. He didn’t have to promise you, you could see it in the way he looked at you. Soft eyes, pretty smile, that little wrinkle in his nose. You knew the answer. 

“I’m gonna start pushing in now,” Joshua murmurs, aligning his cock with your entrance, shuddering at the seemingly never ending flow of arousal. “Let me know if you need me to slow down or stop.”

“Okay,” you nod, draping your arms over his shoulders and forcing your body to relax. 

He pushes in slowly, but the stretch of him filling every little crevice inside of your cunt stings and causes you to let out a whimper. 

“I know,” he whispers, “just take it all, baby. Take it all for me like a good girl.” 

Your body shudders at that, and you let your head fall back onto the cushion below you. Inch by painful inch, he slides into you until your body begins to convulse and try to force him out. 

“Baby,” Joshua grinds out between gritted teeth, “You gotta stop clenching like that.”

“I— I can’t.” You moan out, your back arching off the couch. “Hurts so good, Shua.”

“That so?” Joshua grunts and shoves the last few inches into you, relishing in the pretty little wail that escapes you. “That’s another thing I’ll have to make note of, huh?” 

He doesn’t give you much time to respond before he’s hauling your legs up and around his waist, one hand gripping the arm of the couch and the other planted beside your head. A silver chain dangles above you, glittering in the low lighting of the living room but capturing your attention just long enough to tell Joshua to start moving. 

“Can’t,” he tells you breathlessly. “Fuck, clenching so tight I can’t move.”

“I don’t care.” You whine. “Just fuck me, please Shua, please, please, please fuck me—”

He cuts you off with a sharp thrust of his hips, shoving his dick just that tiny bit further into you that has you gasping as the air is punched out of your chest. 

“You’re lucky I love you.” He groans as he slowly pulls back, his dick practically drenched in your arousal, and then thrusts sharply back in, sheathing entirely inside of you. You cry loudly, a tear slipping down your cheeks and your legs tightening around his waist. Joshua repeats the action again and again, drinking in the way your head lolls to the side, your tongue practically hanging out of your mouth. 

Then he begins to fuck you, just as you asked. He thrusts into you with hard, deep strokes that have you wailing and thrashing against the couch cushion. Your body is convulsing beneath him, and he can only watch like a god watching his worshippers, as you beg for him to fuck you harder, faster, deeper as if he isn’t already going hard and fast and deep to a point beyond your fucked out mind’s comprehension. The couch shifts slightly on the ground, scraping against your hardwood floor, but the sound is drowned out by the combined volume of your cries and moans and whimpers along with his grunts and little moans. 

“Close,” he grunts, his head dropping to your chest to bite and suck at one of your tits. “Fuck, I’m so close.”

You clench around him in response, your back arching off the cushion to get closer to his mouth, relishing in the pleasure he’s providing you. “S—so good, Shua. Fuckin’ me so good.”

“Yeah?” He pulls away from your chest, a sheen of sweat covering his forehead as he stares down at you. “Gonna cum for me? Gonna cum all over your best friend?”

Your body shudders in response, and suddenly your vision goes white. You can faintly hear your own voice, your own pleads and screams of Joshua’s name as he pounds into you, forcing your juices out of you and giving you no time to recover from your orgasm before he’s shifting his hips and driving his cock into a spot inside of you that has you seeing stars. Your hand clamps down over your mouth to muffle the animalistic sounds that pour out of you, but Joshua rips your hand away, pinning it down on the couch.

“Don’t you dare muffle a single sound that comes out of you,” he hisses. “Not a single one.”

You don’t have the strength, will, or energy to respond to him. Not as his cock begins to twitch inside of you and another orgasm threatens to wash over your body. One of Joshua’s hands, the one that had been pinning your hand to the couch, moves over your hip, and his eyes stay on you as his thumb begins to rub hard circles into your clit.

“Oh my—” your voice cracks. “Fuck, oh my god, Shua!”

“Cum for me,” he grunts, forcing his orgasm back so he doesn’t cum before you, despite you already having done so twice now. “Now, baby. God, please cum for me.”

And you do. 

It crashes over you like a rockslide, rough and strong, and crushing everything in its path. Your cunt clenches around Joshua so tightly you fear you might break him, but he only moans out your name and begins to spill white-hot cum inside of you. The combined fluids from the both of you are forced out as Joshua continues to fuck into you, slowly now compared to before. Soft, deep thrusts that carefully bring you down from the edge until both of you have finished, laying spent on your now ruined couch. 

“That…” your voice is raspy. “Is that how you’re gonna fuck me every night?”

“Is that how you want me to fuck you every night?” Joshua’s tongue laves over your skin, pressing gentle kisses against your neck. 

You think he knows the answer, but you tell him anyway with a sly grin on your face.

“You promised.”

© itsbeeble. do not steal, claim, or repost.

[itsbeeble]

Say Don't Go

SUMMARY: For too long you had been waiting for Vernon. For too long you had let these feelings fester. Now all you can do is wait and beg for him to not let you leave.

GENRE: Angst

PAIRING: Vernon Chwe x afab!reader

WC: 1.6k

SERIES MASTERLIST

PERM TAGLIST: @juyeonszn @winterchimez

SERIES TAGLIST: @captain-brie @nobraincellmode

18+ MDNI AGELESS BLOGS WILL BE BLOGGED

WARNINGS: hurt no comfort, Vernon is an asshole, toxic relationship, implied friends with benefits, mentions of blood/knives but no one actually gets hurt it's just a metaphor, people being nosy at restaurants, a waitress is extra nosy, swearing, brief mentions of alcohol, friends to fwb to ???, ending is open-ended

A/N: I'm planning on finishing this series asap because good god I've been working on it for TOO LONG. Hopefully I'll be able to finish by mid-January jghisrghuis. Also this is NOT edited so i apologize for any mistakes.

Sometimes you wonder where it all went wrong, when you and Vernon went from something to nothing in his eyes.

Even as you lay in his arms now, you know that he would rather be anywhere else but with you in your living room. There’s a coldness in his hand as it brushes your arm, a discomfort in the smile he sends you at every comment you make about the film on your TV screen. Your fingers play with a loose string on his t-shirt and you exhale quietly, letting your body deflate against him. 

It had been months now since you and Vernon started messing around. You weren’t dating, no, Vernon hated the idea of being exclusive with someone while he was so young. This was…this was something else. You knew he slept with other people, knew that every night he found someone knew but on the weekends he crawled back to you. He made you think he loved you. You wonder if he knew that you’d only ever slept with him. That he was your first everything, and that it broke your heart every time he left you.

“You’re thinking.” And then he does this. He knows you so well it scares you. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing.” Vernon lifts his head off the arm of the couch, straining to look at where you lay on his chest. 

“You’re lying to me now?” A crooked smile, playful yet curious, is flashed in your direction. Your stomach churns uncomfortably, knowing that despite him being able to read you so well, you knew nothing of what he was thinking. Not anymore, at least. 

“Why would I lie to you?” Your eyes are drooping, and you nuzzle deeper into his chest. His hand slowly trails up your arm and rests on your head.

“Why wouldn’t you?” His voice sounds faint. 

“Because I love you.” 

He says nothing, and you don’t expect him to. Not anymore. In the past, before acceptance had hit you, maybe you would’ve hoped he would. Maybe you would’ve begged him to say it back, and maybe he would’ve. He would’ve let you believe that he loved you, but you know he doesn’t. 

You should’ve known better than to believe that Vernon would show up. You should’ve known better than to convince yourself that he wouldn’t forget you at the restaurant, that he wouldn’t choose someone else over you. 

Now, three hours later, you’re finishing up another drink, picking at the dessert you’d treated yourself to after the meal. You weren’t going to let your own naivety ruin your night, even if the tears welling in your eyes have been threatening to spill over like a waterfall. You’re glad you’d chosen a booth for yourself, facing away from the door so you don’t get your hopes up every time it opens. 

The knife in your heart has been twisted far too many times, the blood spilling down your chest for all to see. You were tired of it, so why were still holding out hope for him?

Someone sinks into the booth across from you, out of breath and leaning his head back for a few moments. 

“Shit, traffic was bad.” Vernon gasps out. A lie. “And— and then the parking. Shit, the parking was awful.” Why is he lying?

“Stop.” Vernon stares at you, his lips still parted as he catches his breath. “Stop lying to me, please. For once.” 

His lips draw into a thin line, and he adjusts his position to sit straighter. It almost hurts to see him so dressed up for you, but then you see the lipstick on his collar and your anger comes back. 

The waitress returns with your check, shooting Vernon a dirty look. She’d pieced together the story on her own, not that it was hard to figure out. A heartbroken girl, alone in a booth for two hours. Who wouldn’t be able to figure out what happened?

The two of you sit silently in the booth as you fill out your bill, sliding your card into the book and placing it near the edge of the table. 

“You’re mad at me.” Vernon concludes, and you scoff.

“Yeah, sure.” You cross your arms, and Vernon bites on his tongue. 

“Why— why can’t you just tell me what’s wrong?” He tries to keep his voice down, his hands tightening into fists. Your eyes scan him, scan his tense posture and the muscles ticking in his jaw. 

“I feel like it should be obvious, no?” The ice in your glass of water has melted and you take a small sip, letting the cold liquid slide down your throat slowly. 

“Well, I’m sorry to say this, but it’s not.” You sniff, whether in distaste or to hold back your tears you can’t tell. “Sometimes you have to actually tell people what you want.”

“I have, Vernon.” You hiss and smile at the waitress when she grabs the check again. “I have voiced everything to you time and time again, and yet you seem to ignore it. It’s like you don’t care about me— and I’m not talking about our fucking sex life.”

He opens his mouth to talk, but you keep going. 

“Did you forget that we were friends before this?” You ask him, and for a moment he thinks it’s rhetoric. When you don’t continue speaking, he stutters out a response.

“I— no, I didn’t, but Y/N—”

“If you didn’t forget then why do you act like this?” Your eyebrows are furrowed, your lips pursed. “All— All I ever asked of you is to prioritize our friendship over anything else. That— that if you thought things were getting past the point of no return, then we’d break it off. But you didn’t, and it’s like you couldn’t give less of a damn about me anymore. Why, Vernon? Why the fuck didn’t you break it off when you figured out I was falling in love with you?”

It’s like a bucket of ice-cold water has been tossed over him, the heat from running to meet you being entirely replaced with a cold sweat. He knew, of course. How could he not have known when you made it so obvious?

“You— you’re blaming me for this?” He asks. “You’re the one who agreed to be in this relationship— no, you’re the one who brought it up in the first place!”

“Because I liked you!” The tables around you are turning their heads, and you lower your voice. “I knew what I was getting into when you first kissed me at that fucking holiday party at Seungcheol’s, but it’s your fault that it got to this point. It’s your fault for stringing me along even though you knew the whole fucking time.” 

Your heart is pounding, your chest rising and falling rapidly, and your head feels like it’s going to explode at any moment. 

“So— so this is it then?” Vernon sinks back against the uncomfortable booth. “You’re throwing away six years of friendship because— because what? You couldn’t control your fucking feelings? Well, I’m sorry but I’m not gonna be part of your fucking pity party.” You hear a gasp from the booth behind you, as well as hushed whispers, and suddenly all your anger is replaced by embarrassment. 

“I— I can’t believe you.” You whisper, staring at him with wide eyes. “I— why would you say that?” 

Vernon’s mind races, thoughts of regret and fear pushing forward as he watches you grab your purse. 

“Y/N—” he starts to stand but you raise your hand to stop him. His hands are on the table, the only thing keeping him from falling to the ground. 

“I…I loved you, Vernon.” You try to control your breathing, but it feels impossible with the rush of emotions hitting you. “I’m sorry that I meant nothing to you, but do not blame this shit on me.”

He watches you walk away, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. Stunned is not quite the word for what he’s feeling at the moment. Confused? No…no he’s not confused. Vernon knows exactly why this happened, and knows that the only person to blame is himself. 

You hesitate at the door, your hand reaching for the handle slowly as if waiting for something. He wonders if you’re waiting for him to say something, to chase you and tell you not to leave. 

He doesn’t, and he watches you leave the restaurant and shudder under the frigid weather of mid-December. 

Your waitress clears her throat, that same dirty look on her face.

“She forgot her card.” She explains, thrusting it back into his hand. “Make sure it gets back to her.” 

“I…I uh—”

“I get that you’re a stupid bitch,” she whispers harshly to him, and his head jerks back in shock. “But that girl waited two and a half fucking hours for you. If you give even the tiniest shit about her, you’ll run out the door right now and fix it.” 

Vernon’s mouth is hanging open as the waitress walks away to her next table, a fake grin plastered onto her face. 

You waited for him.

You waited for him, knowing that he wasn’t going to come, and now he’s fucked everything up beyond repair.

His feet are moving before his mind does.

The bell above his head chimes and his breath is knocked out of him once again when he takes his first gulp of cold air. 

Don’t go. Please, please don’t go.

Don’t leave me.

© itsbeeble. do not steal, claim, or repost.

[itsbeeble]

spread some love !

talk about your favourite mutuals and why you like them

@captain-brie I'm pretty sure brie was my first mutual, or at least the first one i really talked to. When we first started talking i was so shocked bc she's been one of my favorite writers on here for fuck knows how long and i was like WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LIKE MY WORKS. But Anyway- Brie is one of the nicest people I've ever met and is so so so so fun to talk to. She's someone I rely on tbh ujaeugyfusf

@winterchimez Ally!!!!!!! We met through Fawn I think iuhysfusygeiw and I'm so glad we did. Even though your sleep schedule is fucked, we have the best conversations and you're always there to support me. You beta things that likely will never see the light of day (i promise they will at some point i'm just lazy) and you always give the best feedback. NEVER CHANGE. ILY POOKIE

@sanaxo-o where do I even begin....I think we started talking because ally kept harassing me and we just kinda went from there. Yes you and izzy bully me now more than ally ever did, but i always have such a good time talking with you (when I respond...)

@from-izzy Just like sana, we started talking because ally kept bullying me, and somehow you both ended up becoming worse than her. Even though you BULLY ME, I still love hearing your ideas and reading the things you send me

@sungbeam BEAMMMM MY POOKIE. I know we don't talk a ton but ILYSM UR SO SWEET AND SO TALENTED AND FUNNY AND I WANNA TALK TO YOU MORE I WANNA HEAR UR IDEAS I WANNA MAKE JOKES. No but fr ur so nice and understanding to everyone and i'm so envious of that. Ilysm

This goes for all of my moots: I'm the worst at starting conversations so if you ever wanna talk to me please god don't be nervous or unsure. Reach out whenever you want, whether just to start talking more or to talk about smth you're working on because I love hearing everyone's creative processes and I wanna support all of you in any way I can

[itsbeeble]

JUST LOGGED ON AND SAW I HIT 500???? yall this is insane actually. Never in my LIFE did I think that so many people would read my fics let alone wanna stick around for the ride 😭😭😭 and to think this all started with one silly goofy Eric fic omg

Thank you all so much!! I love each and every one of you 🥰🥰 Much love, kiss kiss

[itsbeeble]

your moots as the eras tour albums!!

JUST SAW THIS AND OH MY GOD IM SO READY

okay first off we have my dearest pookie fawn @juyeonszn as Evermore. All the songs i've listened to radiate mid-fall vibes just like you. you radiate this like...energy where i just can't help but laugh with you no matter what mood you had been in before talking. ily pookie 🩵

brie @captain-brie would be Lover I think. You're so happy and funny and supportive and that's kinda the vibe i get from Lover. I can't imagine what i would do if you weren't there to deal with my panicking over all of my fics and personal works. 🩵

ally @winterchimez would absolutely be Folklore. Just like your user says, you give off heavy winter vibes and so does Folklore for me. You're very calm, but you always have energy (even if ur awake at 2am 😒) and are open to talking all the time. 🩵

my dear moni @zzoguri is Red I think. I don't know how to explain it but every song on that album is just so...you. Specifically you give very much The Very First Night vibes. again idk why but yeah 🩵

beam @sungbeam even though we really don't talk (I WANT TO THO HSHSHEHD) you give very much Speak Now. You're this perfect mix of exciting yet reading your works and looking at you interact with ur own moots and anons, i feel comforted. Edit: I say this knowing i've cried to a number of ur works🩵

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK I LOVED DOING THIS

[itsbeeble]

How did you start writing!! I want to start writing fics too but it a bit intimidating

I totally get the intimidation!! It can be a little nerve-racking starting out but it get easier the more you write and put your fics up

For me personally, I just was reading fics and I kept getting little ideas that i really wanted to share with people. I'm a writer outside of tumblr (i dont have anything published, but i have a couple of novels that i've been working on) so i had ideas that kept building and building and building, and I had been thinking about starting to write here for a long time (one of my moots, Brie (see @leejihoonownsmyheart if u wanna check out her fics) ended up being a big reason why i started actually posting on here). I swear it took me 2 hours to write my first fic (11:49pm for Eric Sohn) but it took like three days to get the courage to post it. I was scared people wouldnt like it or that it wouldnt get any attention but honestly? It felt so good to put it out there that i stopped caring about if it got attention and just started focusing on what I wanted to write and what I wanted to share with people.

If you have ideas though that you want to share with people, I highly encourage you to!! It's a lot of fun once you get over the initial intimidation.

[itsbeeble]

I NEED ONE OF MY MOOTS TO BE AWAKE THIS IS SO IMPORTANT

[itsbeeble]

assign your moots to your fics and tell us why!

Oh this... this is one is gonna be fun 😈😈😈

@juyeonszn is "Doll" (Hyunjae x reader) for obvious reasons. First of all, this was the reason we started talking im pretty sure but also ur silly goofy just like Hak in this fic frfr

@winterchimez ...ur "Down? Astronomically" (sangyeon x reader). first of all ur so sangyeon coded. second of all...there is no second of all actually. ur just so very sangyeon coded but specifically sangyeon in this fic

@zzoguri I feel like ur very "Merry Bad Ending" (Hyunjae x reader) bc first of all i cry when i read like 75% of your fics and i may have cried when i wrote this one. Second of all you have the same vibes as this fic sometimes. idk how to explain it tho

@sungbeam I actually think you're very "Adoration (pt1&2)" (wonwoo x reader) or "and they were roommates!" (yunho x reader). like you have the energy of adoration but the humor of whatever hellscape "and they were roommates" was (i love both fics they're very silly goofy of me)

@captain-brie you're so Lovin Me coded it's nkt even funny anymore. FIRST OF ALL ITS HOW WE MET AND I WAS SO SHOCKED BC HOW DID MY FAVORITE SEVENTEEN WRITER NOTICE ME???? HAD ME SHAKING IN MY BOOTS. me🤝you: god tier jeonghan fics

[itsbeeble]

assign your moots with their bias x romantic tropes (and tell us why!)

okay the way i really had to think about this

@juyeonszn (u have 2 but its okay we're silly goofy like that) and Juyeon are that trope where it's enemies to lovers fake dating trope. idk why but like... that's such a you trope? Like yeah i hate you but yeah i'll pretend to date you bc [insert reason but ur prolly in it bc you hate someone else more than u hate him]

@winterchimez and sangyeon are friends to lovers where one of them has a shitty sleep schedule and the other is constantly trying to get them to fix it (wait that sounds familiar...😐) and they end up just kissing at one point bc the one with the good sleep schedule is tryna distract them

@zzoguri and sunwoo (just like me actually) are the trope where its like popular x nerd but one of them has always had a crush on the other and they end up bonding over something but the popular one cant show it bc they're popular but they end up saying fuck it and MWAH they kiss

@sungbeam and Changmin (so real actually)... i feel like this would be that trope where its like famous x "im not like other girls 🥱🥱🥱" (im sorry ily) and he's like 😧😧😧 "she's not like other girls" (read: the plot of Starstruck i love that movie sm)

@captain-brie OKAY I KNOW YOUR BIAS IS WOOZI. I KNOW IT NOW. But you guys would be grumpy x sunshine fr‼️‼️‼️‼️ like it reminds me of a fic i read where the photographymajor!reader had like a hella bug crush on musicmajor!woozi but he despised her byt she was like its ok pookie no one has to know 😇😇😇

i always have sm fun with these omg. (if i got any biases wrong i give you permission to shame me for life BUT I THINK I GOT THEM ALL RIGHT SJEHEHHSJW) I WANT MOREEEE I WANT MORE PEOPLE TO ASSIGN THINGS TO THESE ARE SO FUNNNNN

[itsbeeble]

describe your relationship with ur moots using different kpop idol ship dynamics ⭐️

Wait oh my god this is gonna be so fun

@juyeonszn we are sunwoo and eric. At any moment one of us is gonna be delusional as hell and the other is GOING to encourage it. There's no telling who is who

@winterchimez wooyoung and san. i don't need to explain. we are woosan.

@zzoguri had to think about this for a minute but tbh i think we're very dk and joshua coded. We're both goofy as hell and together i guarantee we'll be unstoppable

@sungbeam giggles bc i think yeonjun and soobin are very us coded. i shower people with aggressive affection and i feel like you shower people with gentle affection (aka i feel like we'll have a very much NO U friendship)

@captain-brie mingyu and hoshi fr‼️‼️ one of us is clinically insane and the other is always on the receiving end (it changes every day)

[itsbeeble]

hi reese!

relate your moots with svt songs go! <3

hi!! It’s the way this took me so long but let’s do this 😭

Brie @leejihoonownsmyheart - April Shower

Every time i talk to you, I feel so refreshed afterwards. Like you’re so silly but you’re also such a calming person to talk to and that’s exactly how i feel when listening to April Shower 🥰

Ally @winterchimez - Lucky

Idk why but this song is so you. like i do not know how to explain it but after we started talking i was like “…ykw she reminds me of?” and i thought of this song 😊

Moni @zzoguri - Darl+ing

We haven’t talked a ton but from what i’ve seen you strike me as a voice of reason. like i feel as if you prolly stop me from putting my head through a wall bc of something sunwoo posted 😭

Max @taekurai - GAM3 BO1

You are literally the personification of this song. like if this song came to life and walked up to me i’d be like 🤨 max what are you doing here

Fawn @juyeonszn - Jam Jam

every time we talk i feel like this is what’s going on in ur mind. 24hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. love you pookie