#bring up the topic and she woild scream at me until i cried)
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vent tw
#vent tw#wish i could find a therapist who actually listened to me about my toxic relationship with my mother and didnt just instantly dismiss me#with a ‘well have you tried asking her her side of the story? :( maybe shes just tired? maybe you need to communicate better with her :(‘#so i could tell them about like. the time she cornerd me when i was 11 and made me cry and all i remember her saying is asking where her#child had gone and why wasnt i as good as when i was a child and what was wrong with me#(it was the nd and the depression and the anxiety)#or in freshman year when i was genuinely thinking about killing myself for the first time ever when she had my grandparents steal our small#dog and let me believe the dog had gotten out and because of where we lived most likely died to ‘teach me a lesson’ or all the horrible#offhanded comments shes made about my personality and body or how when i got upset about something she said i was like a ‘rotweiler’#or when the school counselor suggested we have a Family Therapy session and i had my first panic attack or when i had to fight with her for#an entire year to get on antidepressants deapite three seperate doctors literally begging her to let me on them (by fight i mean i would#bring up the topic and she woild scream at me until i cried)#or when when i tried to tell her i was suicidal it immediately became about how i was ‘calling her a bad mother’#or when when she saw mt self harm marks in freshman year her only response was to tell me not to do that shit again because it was#embaressing. or how she tried to gaslight me about ljtwrally every single one of the above mentioned and then looked me in the eyes this#year when i was worried my pet was sick and dying because she wouldnt let me take care of it properly and told me i was ungrateful and#abusive towards her and a bitch and she has been ‘more than accomodating to a child with depression’#but she never has physically hit me so like according to every therapist its not abuse and not the problem but we should talk about my self#esteem issues some more when they cant possibly figure out where they come from but lets do this fun little exercise that hasnt worked the#last 20 tomes teehee why arent you getting better must be your own fault! money pweeese#anyways. whatever#kazy shush#delete later
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