#bruh why is this so long hsjjdas

[wrenrogue]

kuroken au where kuroo moves away for university in a different prefecture, far away from tokyo, far away from kenma and all his other friends. he does good, he genuinely does good, but despite everything he's still not good in new places. homesickness hits him really hard.

The first month or two of being away it was all very exciting, new things and places to explore and try out. Kuroo was loud and exuberant and he was eager to learn new things and make new friends. Kenma, in particular, would get the rundown at the end of the day of what he did.

kuroo makes some friends, he wouldn't say they were friend FRIENDS, but they were acquaintances nonetheless. They would ask him to hang out with him, and sometimes he would, but lately he would go home and do his own things instead, quiet things like watching kenma's streams, maybe watching old matches or being on call with yaku and kai.

"How are you?" he would ask and he'd get all his friends' excitement and when they asked him, "How are you?," he would pause, and think about it and go "I learned about hydrocarbon today, want a lecture?" and everyone would go "absolutely not" and that was that.

The truth was, kuroo was doing fine, but he also wasn't. After the high of change, came the plateau where he kept at his activities, did really well in his classes, but they weren't home enough. He started to miss people more, started to realize that maybe going too far was a bad idea. Maybe he should've stayed in tokyo, where everyone was, where kenma was.

He called Kenma everyday and asked about the team, he asked about his day and talked Kenma's ear off as Kenma played his games. But it wasn't the same, because Kuroo couldn't sit close to Kenma, he couldn't touch Kenma, he couldn't run his fingers through his hair or pinch his nose to annoy him. All he could do was miss those things and hope he had time to visit soon.

Missing people was common, but what Kuroo felt was probably worse, so he worked to keep his mind off of it and worked even harder to make sure the loneliness didn't break down everything he already achieved.

He worked until that's all he did, and forgot about lunch and dinner and even breakfast at times, until kenma would ask and he would lie and say "yes I did eat a good meal" and the good meal being just a banana with peanut butter for the day.

"you're okay, right?" kenma would ask sometimes. "you know you can tell me if something's bothering you," and kuroo would tell him he was just busy studying for a big test and it was stressful, nothing more.

"I love you" Kenma would tell him at the end of their call and Kuroo wished he was with him in person to say it back properly.

Sometimes his grandma would call and she'd tell him all about the neighborhood gossip and how she made his favorite meal that day and hopes he has time to visit soon so she can make it for him again soon. Kuroo would tell her he was swamped with work, but he'll try to make the time

Months into university, his grades were still fine. He spent all his time on them after all to make sure they didn't drop. He didn't want the loneliness to win, until he got a bad assignment score and he realized it had.

See homesickness can be tricky. It was okay to miss home, he knew this, it was fine. But sometimes homesickness can isolate even more than it already has. Kuroo doesn't realize this until he noticed the stacks of paper on his desk, he doesn't realize this until his college friends rarely ask him to go with them to places because he always declines anyway, he doesn't realize this until his bad assignment score stares back at him.

He knew he shouldn't have skipped a couple lectures, but the fatigue was too much, so he stayed in his apartment and now there were consequences. Kuroo figures he just needs to work harder, it's only thursday night, he can cram in some more studying in the library to relearn the material better.

He's about to head out when there's a knock on his door. He's not expecting anyone, so he finds it odd.

On the other side is Kenma, who immediately drags him into a hug before kuroo can voice his surprise. "you haven't answered my texts in a few days, you never do that. you always answer them, so I knew something was wrong," kenma later tells him as he poured kuroo a cup of soup.

Kenma apparently realized something was wrong a while ago, but it wasn't until he hadn't heard from Kuroo in 2 days that he decided it was time to do something about it. He had taken his mom's leftover soup in a thermos, packed his bag with his consoles and other essentials, told his parents to cover for him in school, and Taketora to save his homework and let the team know why he's away.

"a shinkansen ticket is very expensive, you didn't have to go this far me"

"i had the money, and I wanted to" kenma says, "you're worth coming this far"

kuroo doesn't know what to say, but he doesn't have to say anything, bc kenma knows kuroo, knows the kid he once was and currently is again. kenma sits next to him, digging through his bag for psp, "you don't have to tell me anything right now, just eat. I know you haven't yet"

the irony isn't lost on kuroo, but he eats his soup that kenma's mom had made him many times before, while kenma plays his games right next to him. It's familiar, it's home.

"so are you going to tell me what's wrong?" they're in a cuddle pile on kuroo's bed, kenma holding kuroo close, running his hands through his hair.

"nothing's wrong" kuroo mumbles against kenma's chest "just tired"

"tired is something wrong, why are you tired?"

"school"

"kuro, i'm serious" kenma pulls kuroo's hair to make the point even clearer

kuroo winces before relaxing again, "I know. I just- I just miss you. I miss everybody"

"you can always reach out to us"

"it's not the same"

"how so?"

"you're not close enough. I don't do well in new places, and you're not close enough"

"I know"

"no one's close enough"

"I know"

Kuroo's not sure when he started crying into kenma's sweater, but kenma only held him a little tighter, and kept his fingers in his hair.

"I feel bad that you're missing school right now."

kuroo had woken up the next morning to an empty bed, thinking kenma's presence was just a dream, until he heard the door open and the sound of plastic going into his kitchen, where he now sits as kenma hands him breakfast.

"mmm I got it covered" kenma kisses kuroo's forehead before he sits down across from him with his own bowl of egg over rice.

"you didn't have to do all this for me, it's a lot of work"

"I want to" kenma repeats what he's said before "you're worth the effort"

if there’s anything kuroo knows is that kenma doesn’t do things he doesn’t want to do. and as he watches his other half eat his breakfast like he’s currently not playing hooky and miles away from home, kuroo decides to believe him. “thank you”

kenma stays with kuroo the entire weekend. he wants to say he showed kenma everywhere around the city, but instead they spent most of it in kuroo’s little apartment cleaning it from clutter, restocking his kitchen and playing video games.

At times kuroo would tell Kenma that he didn’t need to help him clean his home, but his sweaty and out of breath boyfriend would tell him the same thing: “I want to.” So kuroo stopped protesting.

“I have to go back home tomorrow” kenma say sunday night while he holds kuroo once again

“I know,” kuroo holds him tighter

“I’ll come back though”

“it’s too far for you”

“then maybe you should visit too”

“I have a lot of work to do”

“kuro, you need breaks too, plus grandma wants to see you. I don’t want you to be lonely all the time. Let me help. Let grandma help”

kuroo snorts, “okay, I’ll visit”

“promise me you’ll visit next month?”

“I need to see my calendar first”

“If I give you a kiss will you promise me without looking at your calendar?”

“kenmaaa”

“please”

“since when are you like this?”

“since I fell in love with you”

“oh”

“yeah. so will you?”

“you just told me you’re in love with me, let me get my bearings first”

“tetsurou”

“okay, I promise. can I get my kiss now?”

“no you can’t”

“kyanmaaa, that means our deal is void and I have to check my calendar now”

“no you don’t”

“I do”

“you don’t”

“I do”

kenma doesn’t say anything and instead tilts kuroo’s head up and leans down to kiss him proper. “you don’t” he smiles against kuroo’s own smile. “so I’ll see you in a month?”

“yeah, hopefully”

“you promised”

“i know”

kenma squeezes kuroo’s hand; they’re at the train station, “I want you home soon. I don’t want you lonely”

“I miss you already”

“i know, but I’m here” kenma taps on kuroo’s chest, right over his heart “and I’ll always be here too”

“since when did you get so romantic?”

“since i fell in love with you, we talked about this”

“kenma you can’t just say that in public! how lewd of you”

“fine, I take it back then”

“now you’re just being mean”

“visit me and I’ll give it back”

“next month?”

“next month.”

kuroo goes home to an empty apartment, but it’s somehow less lonely. kenma left behind one of his consoles and a couple of his games so kuroo can play and then tell kenma all about it.

kuroo can’t say he’s magically better and he can't say he doesn’t miss kenma the minute he left or his people back home. loneliness is sticky and removing it takes work. Work kenma has started for him though by giving him something to look forward to. Work he'd like to continue.

He has class that afternoon, so he starts getting ready to head to campus. He finds a sticky note on his failed assignment that wasn’t there before. A note from kenma, that says “I’ll see you next month.” And kuroo’s knows that he will.