#btw i walked 3km today and ive gone on a walk for two days in a row and wow i havent done that in ages

[tumblunni]

Ok this is gonna sound weird but can you help me figure out how to self care

I've been practising trying to get over my social anxiety using Pokemon Go, cos like its an easy sociallu un-embarassing distraction when im nervous in crowds. I mean i used to just pretend to look at my phone before, and before that i owned a watch entirely to pretend to look at it, lol! Plus pokemon go has a map built in so it helps me navigate new places with minimal panic about getting lost. Anxiety + bad geographical sense = even more anxiety!

So anyway I've been trying to force myself to go on walks through The Anxiety Land more often, and gameifying it even more seems to help? Giving myself 'points' for doing various stuff to fight this anxiety. One for every day I make the same walk around this lil neighbourhood circuit, and a bonus point for each km i walk beyond the bare minimum. Pokego is useful for this too cos my shiny magikarp gets a candy precisely every kilometre! And then i think maybe a bonus ten points if i keep up a streak of going on a walk every single day for a week, month, etc? I dunno!

I also dunno really what sort of incentive to give myself for getting all these points. What am i even gonna get if i reach a milestone? I dont really know how to 'treat yo self',theres not much that i can do to make a day special or anything. And most universally agreed upon 'special days' are stuff thatd be more of another challenge to me- vacationing in a new place or going to cinema or bowling or getting hair styled. Why is scary socialness everywhere!!! And then just buying myself something isnt really gonna work cos i mean.. Nothing stopping me from buying whatever i want whenever i can afford it. Thats just what adulthood is. So i'd have to stop giving myself treats in order to give myseld treats, and thats not exactly an incentive! Plus i already have a problem with denying myseld those kinds of day to day treats, and defining stuff as "treats" when it really shouldnt be, cos thats what being poor does to you even when you get more money to live on. I mean i barely ever buy new clothes! I still only have one pair of shoes and theyre starting to leak at the bottom. And i went without a bed for the first few years i lived here cos 'i can make do on the floor and save some money'. And i ended up getting such a crick in my neck that it hurt sooooo much more after i started sleeping on tje new and good bed and correcting my posture. And man now i can actually stand up straight again!! I was guzma'd!! Actually man that would make sense that team skull isnt just slouchy cos theyre trying to be cool, but also cos theyre all homeless kids with a history of floor sleepin. No wonder theres that one grunt you find flopped over three beds at once in the ultimate snooze! Oh man imagine guzma takin the new recruits mattress shopping and everyone is like YO THIS IS DOPE LOOK AT THE MEMORY FOAM

Anyway i went offtopic lol

So can you guys help me figure out what kind of 'gift' i can give myself if i meet my anti anxiety exercise goals?

Ehhhh i dunno maybe i'll just commission someone to draw one of my dumb ocs. But i'm always too nervous to commission anyone so yeah thatd just be anotjer anxiety boss battle.. *sigh*

Anywya probably i should give myself bonus points whenever i encounter Extra Anxiouses during my walk. Probably. I dunno. Should i give myseld points for that time i helped the homeless.lady and didnt embarass myself? Or should i just start counting from today cos thats when i got the idea? Ehhhh