#btw the large part is broken up so it's easier to read bc no one liked giant walls of text

[forr-everrmorre]

Anastasia - October 14, 2017 Matinee

I just got back from Anastasia and I’m still internally screaming despite it ending like 4 hours ago. here’s my detailed explanation description. (and I mean very, VERY detailed. a lot of it is under a cut bc I get into super spoilery territory)

Zach was on as Dimitry, and Ian and Kristen were on for Zach and Molly respectively. ZACH. DIMITRY.

before anyone asks, I didn’t record an audio. I got so caught up in the moment I forgot lol whoops.

honest to god, even before the curtain went up I was crying when I heard the opening notes of the Prologue.

NICOLE IS SO ADORABLE

during Last Dance Of The Romanovs, the suitor dancing with Kristen didn't lift her properly and right after they looked at each other and he was like "whoops"

the death of the Romanovs actually scared me like they made it terrifying with the window shattering effects and the red EVERYTHING

Lily can actually be seen comforting the Dowager Empress after Last Dance Of The Romanovs

yes, I internally screamed when Ramin came on. don't judge me.

Gleb so confidently says his opening Leningrad monologue, then Dimitry just comes in and roasts the hell out of him

when Dimitry says "Hail our brave new land", he's mockingly waving his arms around while right behind him Gleb is doing the exact same thing and honestly same.

right after that, Gleb like goes up to Dimitry and he legit RUNS OFF STAGE IN FEAR OMFG

during the part where everyone is like saying something good about Leningrad then saying something snarky, Gleb’s face is like "see, great place waIT WHAT"

after singing his verse in A Rumor In St Petersburg, Vlad immediately hits Dimtry with his hat

everyone's so happy during Rumor, but at the end right before the final shhhh, Gleb just gets on the podium and everyone just does the shhhhhh in fear

before moving on, I would like to mention that I love Kristen Smith Davis, Sissy Bell and Shina Ann Morris.

Dimitry is HIDING BEHIND A COUCH WHEN ANYA COMES INTO THE THEATER IM

Vlad's also hiding and it scares Anya when he comes out

now’s a good time to mention that when a song is starting, the projection usually gets like a subtle change in hue and it’s really cool

Gleb does this like intimidating version of the chin thing (tm) that basically LIFTS one of the fake actresses, then he like lightly blows on one of them and they all run away

Anya throws/hits with a book Dimity and Vlad at least 3 times in Learn To Do It

When Vlad makes them dance, at first Dimitry takes these GIANT UNGRACEFUL STEPS AND ITS HILARIOUS

the background changed from winter to spring once it seems that Anya's finally confident in her ability

Gleb's like shouting in his office until he turns and sees who Anya is and his voice just softens in like two seconds

you can tell that even when Gleb is trying to be funny and personable, he's still a stiff military man

THE CHIN THING (TM) WAS SHORTER THAN PROMISED SMH RAMIN

there's one part during the last verse where Anya harmonizes with Gleb, but it's so subtle that you probably can't tell from a recording

when Gleb says “it’s the silence after I remember most”, not only is it dead silent, there’s also the sound of wind in the background

James Pierce quickly became one of my favorite ensemble members just from how he acts drunk before My Petersburg

Dimitry gets like a potato or something from the street rats' fire and gives it to Anya before My Petersburg

ANYA SAVES DIMITRY AT ONE POINT DURING THE FIGHT SCENE

when Zach was climbing the bench for My Petersburg while the turntable was spinning, you could tell he was having a little bit of trouble and it was adorable

(he also had trouble taking the second can of beans out of his bag during Rumor btw)

also ZACH KILLED IT IN MY PETERSBURG

THE LIGHTING DESIGN IN ONCE UPON A DECEMBER GIVES ME LIFE

they project the phantom images of the Romanovs dancing on the walls of the side of the theater. you probably can't see it from the orchestra seats tho

Dimitry lifts Anya A LOT

I knew from the recording that a lot of the actors were fantastic singers, but live, so many of them are STELLAR. Christy, Ramin, and Constantine in particular imo are so much better live.

btw Stay I Pray You gave me chills. that song really lets the ensemble shine. literally. half the song, Christy, John and Zach were just standing there not singing while the ensemble KILLED IT.

Anya and Dimitry leave the train compartment by the time Vlad starts singing We'll Go From There, so he’s basically monologuing the entire time

after Vlad says "I'll bow as if I'm still a frisky young pup" HIS BACK CRACKS

when Dimitry's doing that thing where he's half standing on a bench, half leaning on the train, the ladies on the bench just look at him as if he's crazy the entire time

the way that them jumping off the train transitions into Traveling Sequence was SO COOL

THE STAGING FOR STILL WAS SO

ITS PROBABLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS PRODUCTION WISE DESPITE HOW SIMPLE IT WAS

so like Gleb's standing off to the side from Traveling Sequence and he starts singing and it's all dark and stuff

around when he reaches "a son becomes a man at his father's knee", a soldier gives him his jacket. then around "I am nothing but a man with nothing but his orders to fulfill", another soldier gives him his train tickets. but then around "until your heart replies", another one gives him a gun.

at the end of it, there's like 4 vague shadowy soldier figures behind him, and he turns around and all of them salute before the lights fade.

Journey To The Past gave me chills. that's all I'm saying.

I never liked Paris Holds The Key that much, but the freaking choreography CERTAINLY made up for it. hands down my favorite choreo the entire show

before Dimitry's lil solo in Paris Holds The Key, it looks like he's about to ask Anya to dance, but someone else grabs her hand before he can. I’m nope

the projection and lighting design makes it look like the end of Paris takes place on the top of the Eiffel Tower and I am so down with that

again, Christy is FANTASTIC live

honestly, Dowager Empress sounds so broken during Close The Door and I am so not ok

Little Anastasia appears behind the windows during Close The Door and I am so not ok

at the end of the number, the Dowager Empress makes a picture she has of Anastasia face down on the table and I AM SO NOT OK

when the doorman of The Neva Club tells Gleb where to get food HE JUST LOOKS SO OFFENDED LIKE “TF WHO DO YOU THINK I AM”

the choreography of Land Of Yesterday is some goOD STUFF M8

theres a good 5 seconds Lily spends shooing Count Leopold away while she’s dancing

after the instrumental break, everyone except Lily is passed out and the lighting makes it look like morning, which is why she stomps her foot and says “the night’s young”

Vlad just sneaks up and is awkwardly facing outwards in the circle dance thing at the end of Land Of Yesterday

honestly The Countess and The Common Man is a blessing and it’s hilarious

right after they say “when you sent me our sign”, they show what it was (it’s like a super subtle hand gesture). they do it at least 2 more times in the show.

during the instrumental break, they’re both just dancing like crazy and the panting at the end involves them stretching, having cracked backs, and Vlad timing his pulse

the kiss after “until you’re kissed” is SO LONG and they do weird stuff during it, I’m just,,,, nope,,,,,

they kiss like 4 more times before Land Of Yesterday Reprise btw

Gleb watches their last kiss and his face just says “what the hell are you people doing”

also freaKIN LAND OF YESTERDAY REPRISE MAN. RAMIN IS SCARY GOOD AT THIS ROLE.

A Nightmare is actually so chilling like I can’t

it does the same thing with the lighting as Once Upon A December where Anya’s the only one properly lit and everyone else looks like ghosts but just everyone being crowded around Anya instead of gracefully dancing around her seriously sets the tone

ASKDJFLGKD IN A CROWD OF THOUSANDS B Y E

THE BLOCKING IS SO SIMPLE BUT EFFECTIVE

ANYA LEANS IN ON DIMITRY WHEN SHE STARTS SINGING

I SWEAR THEY GET THIS FREAKIN CLOSE TO KISSING AT THE END BEFORE DIMITRY DOES THE “YOUR HIGHNESS” THING AND I AM DEFINITELY NOT OK

Vlad’s being alone during Meant To Be makes it super powerful

also, HELLO QUARTET AT THE BALLET

THE WAY THAT EACH OF THEM STAND UP AND FACE THE CROWD WHILE SINGING MADE IT REALLY FEEL LIKE WE WERE SEEING INTO THEIR THOUGHTS

Gleb like almost pulls out his gun like 3 times I stg

Gleb is also the only person who doesn’t applaud at the end of the ballet. he’s also the only guy not wearing a tux at the ballet. (he basically wears the same outfit the entirety of Act 2 until the Finale) they really make it very clear how out of place he is in Paris.

also the ballet itself was AMAZING. Lyrica, Kyle and James were hella good

I swear I was as stressed out as Dimitry was during Everything To Win and I knew what was gonna happen

right before Once Upon A December reprise, there’s the scene where the Dowager Empress comes into Vlad, Dimitry and Anya’s dressing room and like???? it had some gold comedic timing but was also super serious????? how???????

also Dimitry watching Anya and the Dowager Empress being reunited just breaks my heart??????????

that line in The Press Conference where the guy’s like “we do exclusive interviews”, he legit pays off Vlad to start talking and they like talk off to the side until Lily gets everyone’s attention

there’s a phone on either side of the stage during that scene and the sopranos who do that harmony at “the Princess Anastasia” use them almost as microphones and I’m in love?????

GET. ROASTED. COUNT. LEOPOLD.

during Everything To Win Reprise, Gleb is very clearly closing all the doors behind Anya but like Anya never notices until she turns around

also, when she turns around, it does the song transition as perfectly as it happens in the soundtrack and it’s gr9

idk if it was just this performance, but Gleb sounded a lot more somber and conflicted during the dialogue of Still/The Neva Flows Reprise, but then when the singing starts again, he was honestly terrifying, like Anya was legit backing into a corner

this was something I noticed from the bootlegs, but I’m pretty sure no matter what angle you view it from, Young Anastasia is blocked by the archway during Still/The Neva Flows Reprise while you can very clearly see the rest of the Romanovs. idk I just always found that to be an interesting choice

at the end of Still/The Neva Flows Reprise, GLEB ALMOST PULLS THE TRIGGER ON HIMSELF AND DEAR LORD GLEB THAT GOT DARK FAST

listen,,, every time Dimitry has lifted Anya before,,,,,, she like let out a little squeal of surprise,,, except after they kiss,,,,,,,,,, she’s just staring into his eyes the entire time,,,,,,,,,,,, can y’all believe they invented love,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

the Finale was just beautiful ok

especially when the singing starts again and then the Romanovs come on stage around Anya and Dimitry

all around this show was just beautiful and amazing and I cried multiple times

also Zach totally got the loudest applause (I’m pretty sure it was louder than Christy’s tbh) and yes I live for understudy/ensemble appreciation

BONUS ROUND: STAGE DOOR AFTER

Kevin was actually the first person to leave, and a few people recognized him but he just waved and left

NICOLE IS SO SMALL AND ADORABLE

apparently Christy just restocked the candy. time to put Creepy Anya above the candy box again.

John was such a nice dude

Caroline was so bubbly and happy the entire time I love her

BUT CHRISTY FREAKIN ALTOMARE

she took the time to talk to any fan who had something to say to her

like she spent like 5 minutes talking to the people next to me since they apparently all went to the high school she graduated from

and when I talked to her, I told her about how much the soundtrack and Royal Misfits helps me get through the really rough days and and she game me a hug and I’m

not

ok

also Zach came out and everyone was like “DUDE YOU WERE AWESOME AS DIMITRY” and tbh big mood

anyways. thats it from me about Anastasia. except probably not. catch me two weeks later just randomly posting something I loved about the show because it was  r e a l l y  f r e a k i n  g o o d.

[kyidyl]

Kyidyl Explains Bones Part 5

(These are under the KyidylBones tag.)

How to dig up dead people.

So, in my Kyidyl Does Archaeology series I talked a bunch about how digging up places was different than digging up people.  And you don’t have to read that to understand this, but it might be a little easier for you because I’m not going to re-address the same basics I covered there.  

Ethical Stuff: So is digging up dead people ethical? I mean, I think so if strict rules are followed, but honestly the POVs here are as different as people themselves are.  Some cultures routinely dig up their own dead and do all kinds of things with the remains.  I wish they wouldn’t but, hey, that’s just me.  I respect that their culture and choices aren’t the ones I’d make.  It’s part of being an anthropologist of any flavor.  And, like that one post implies, there really isn’t much of a different between grave robbing and archaeology.  The biggest difference is the care we take, the respect we try our best to show, and the purposes to which we put the remains.  However, there is a difference between exhumation and archaeology.  General rule of thumb: if there’s someone living still that would have first-hand experience of them or if they still exist strongly in cultural memory, it’s exhumation. There’s no hard and fast number of years where it moves from exhumation to archaeology.  Sometimes it’s the context that makes the difference.  For example, Richard the 3rd’s bones were excavated from that carpark.  If they were removed from where they were reinterred, then they’d be exhumed.  But the TL;DR of it is that digging up people is incredibly ethically complex and you have to do your best to be respectful.  If you aren’t the type of person who can really put yourself in someone else’s shoes and be ok with respecting the desires of a specific culture regarding their own dead...then archaeology is not the right area for you, and that goes double for bioarch.  These people had lives and were loved and valued by those around them, and you need to be sensitive.  

The legality of digging up human remains also varies wildly from country to country.  In the US, we adhere to NAGPRA.  If you want a primer on what NAGPRA is and how it works, you can check out this post that I made.  

Also a quick reminder that we don’t name the individuals.  They had names and you don’t get to give them a new one.  

Beyond this cut there be pictures of human remains.  

How do you know where to dig? Sometimes, honestly....we don’t.  We’re just making educated guesses based on migration patterns and known settlements and research into local history.  Generally, if there’s a group of people who lived somewhere, they also did something with their dead.  So if you have a settlement, you’ll probably find bodies in it or near it at some point.  Sometimes people find remains and are like “uuuuuhhhhh....” and we come and dig ‘em up.  This is especially true on private property.  Farmers are notorious for this.  Construction, too, obviously.  Sometimes we look in caves, because very old caves have lots of dirt on the floors and a lot of times if it’s a good cave there’ll be bones in it.  Sometimes people threw their dead in bogs and now we have stuff that isn’t skeletons but is really old.  

(Source)

That is a whole ass human dude.  He’s around 2000 years old.  You can still see his facial hair.  

So there’s a lot of science behind how and why different environments preserve bodies differently, and I couldn’t possibly get into the detail of that here, but it’s definitely a factor we consider.  A swamp in Florida isn’t a good place to expect to find remains, you know? General rule of thumb is: more water = less body, unless there water isn’t standard water (it’s very alkaline, very acidic, or very frozen.).  Dry, cold landscapes like the Andes are great for preserving bodies.  

So what you find when you go looking is going to vary wildly depending on the environment.  My personal experience, though, is in graveyards.  Graveyards are an easy thing to dig because it’s not uncommon to just like...know where one was.  But graveyards aren’t the orderly things you’d expect them to be, not even modern graveyards.  People bury their loved ones on top of other people, graves intersect, and sometimes people would sneak bodies into the consecrated part of the graveyard when the priests/monks/etc. said they couldn’t be buried there.  So you can have bodies mixed with other bodies or under other bodies or just like random parts of people that were dug up, someone said “oops”, and then they were re-buried in a different spot.  So when we dig a graveyard, we keep complex records of where all of the remains were found, including in-depth drawings.  This is one way in which it’s similar to digging up a settlement.  It’s...pretty much the only way in which it’s similar.  Because part of the reason we do this is so we don’t mix up peoples’ body parts.  Graveyards aren’t what you expect - when I was digging in one we thought we’d gotten most of the bodies out so we were using a mattock to make sure and the site director missed cracking the skull of an intact child by about a centimeter.  Luckily the swing tore up a little bit of dirt and exposed it, but if it hadn’t? The next swing would have gone right through and inflicted heavy damage.  So you have to be careful even in a graveyard.  

Another thing about graves is that it doesn’t take long for the wood of a coffin to decay, so when you dig them up you will often just find the body and sometimes some nails.  The nails are good, because they show you the outline of where you can expect to find parts of the same individual.  This is one of the ways we show respect - we do everything in our power to NOT mix up the remains of different individuals and to separate them when we can.  

Let me sidebar here for a minute to explain.  See, your bones fit together.  I don’t meant “ah yes, everyone’s shin bone connects to their thigh bone”.  No, I mean that those bones have grown together in the same space for YEARS and they fit exactly.  They have the same texture and thickness, they go together like puzzle pieces....at the spots where the bones touch.  Or, as we say, articulate with each other.  See, if I were to take, say, my cuboid and try to trade it with someone else’s, it wouldn’t articulate right.  But something big like a tibia and femur will not be as easy to piece back together.  That, and we don’t always have complete bodies.  So we have something called “MNI” meaning “Minimum Number of Individuals”, and the maximum.  So...three left femurs mean at least three people.  Four right humeruses mean at least four people, so the minimum is 4.  However! We don’t know if any of those left femurs or right humeruses belonged to the same person because they don’t articulate with each other.  So the maximum is seven people.  We have between 4 and 7 people in that set of remains.  This becomes really important when you’re dealing with intersecting graves, mass graves, etc.  Any time the remains are what we call comingled (mixed).  This is what we’re really meticulous when recording where we found a given bone or set of bones.  

Ok, back to the main thing.  So...how DO we dig up dead people, anyway? It’s generally done in three stages: 

Exposing - This is where we dig down just enough to cleanly expose what we believe to be the margins of the grave.  We dig to the edges of the grave, not to a set square size like you would with a settlement. This is where we dig really cleanly, expose any grave goods, take pictures, etc.  And it looks like this: 

(Source.  Was super frustrating searching for this bc I have several of these pics on my phone of the graves we dug and can’t use them for privacy/ethical reasons.) 

Pedestaling/Cleaning - This is when we dig down around the skeleton and the grave goods, and then we start digging under the bones in preparation for the last stage.  This is time consuming, detailed work.  When I was doing this with the child we found, I used a mini trowel the size of my thumbnail and a dental pick.  It’s *especially* important with juveniles because their bones aren’t fused and those unfused pieces are *tiny*.  They literally look like clods of dirt.  Most archs - rightfully - can’t stomach the idea of throwing pieces of a human body into the spoil heap, so we’re as careful as we can be.  This part, when done right, takes days.  It’s a difficult thing to get a picture of, but this one is close: 

(Source)

The tags aren’t something I was taught needed to be done, but I can see why someone would.  They’re basically just grave goods and features of the grave.  They’ll be used to make a map of what’s what later on when the writeup is being done.  

Lifting - We never just pull a bone out of the ground because it damages them.  So we dig around them until they’re ready to come out on their own (and in the case of a large set of broken bones like you see above in that person’s skull, we’d just take the whole pile - dirt and all - for processing in the lab later.  And no, it’s not normal to have the skull glued back together.  We don’t glue remains together.).  If one piece comes out before the others, it is bagged and tagged.  We try not to have them come out separately, but it’s better to do that then to lose one.  When we’ve cleared all the dirt out, we “lift” the skeleton, IE, remove it from the grave.  If I included a pic of this it would just be an empty grave. :P 

We make sure to take all of the grave goods and any soil samples with us, all carefully labeled.  Fun fact about soil samples BTW.  The soil around the bones and especially in the abdominal cavity can retain molecular traces and bacterial from the flesh that tell us about their gut flora and diet or about any parasites they had (parasites were super common back in the day.).  It’s....really cool.  So a sometimes, if we suspect that there might be money for that kind of analysis, we’ll take soil samples of the gut region.  

We are...well, we’re very ritualistic about all of this.  It is, of course, for scientific rigour.  But part of it is that we’re systematically dismantling these peoples’ final resting places.  They had lives and loves and spiritual beliefs that we are disturbing.  This is sacred ground for so many cultures.  So it always feels a bit like we’re doing these things in a specific way to show respect to the resting dead.  That’s why in my 4 types of anthropologists post awhile back I said that archs are chaotic outside the pit but anal inside it. We want to learn from the dead, and it all feels a bit ritualistic if I’m being honest.  And there’s this juxtaposition of digging in the dirt, in the chaos of earth and time, in a very structured, clean, orderly way.  

Aaaannnyway I think that’s it for this installment.  Ask box is open, I check comments and tags and whatnot.  Tomorrow I think I’m gonna do age determination.  How old were they when they died? Hmmmmm... 

[alo-piss-trancy]

hello! do u have any omo hcs for any mha chars? if not, that's okay :) btw some of the stuff u posted from a while back was from homestuck, just wanted to point that out ig- have a good day!!

To answer your other thing first, yeah I know hom/estuck! :D I never got super into the fandom side of it or even finished reading it unfortunately bc it's just SO LONG (I got up to some point in the middle of Act 4 or 5 I think? That was years ago though). I know the 4 kids and the first batch of trolls around their age (K/arkat and all of them) but once it gets to the older ones from that other timeline or whatever I got lost and only really know about D/irk and Ja/ke haha. I've still tried to avoid spoilers about the stuff I didn't read and the ending and such since maybe one day I'll have nothing else to read and finish it lol. The most interaction I really do with it nowadays is reading the occasional omo fic or looking at art because the piss side of that fandom was chock-full of quality content (and in some places still MAKING IT ) that I'm still working my way through.

But you didn't ask about that you asked about SUPERHEROES! SO HERE WE GO! :D

I've posted a few for certain popular chars like De/ku, Baku/gou, and Tod/oroki before (which I will reblog right after answering this in case you'd like to see those), so I'll do a few of my favourites this time!

M/ina (aka pink bae) :

* Pretty big bladder, but not a high tolerance for pain after a certain point. As soon as she feels a nagging urge she usually just goes instead of waiting. She can technically hold a lot/for a long time if need be, but it really bothers her and psyches her out.

* Drinks WAY too much soda. Not that it really affects her bladder, it's just unhealthy lol

* Very whiny and vocal when she needs to go. At first jokingly/to vent her annoyance, then if she's desperate enough it's solely to distract herself because somehow talking about it is easier than struggling in silence. Groans really exaggeratedly to show how annoyed she is.

* Super bouncy, like hopping up and down on her toes or bouncing in her seat in class/on the bus. Tugs the hem of her shirt down to cover or places her hands to the front of her bladder and presses while doubled over/bouncing on toes. You know that kind of stuff.

* Doesn't really grab her actual crotch unless dying. She'll press her knees together/grind her thighs though, or rut against the edge of her chair

* She tends to sweat/get flushed when super desperate/straining, and if she's especially nervous she might lose control of her quirk enough for her feet to slip in a light bit of acid. Usually she can keep the quirk under wraps even while bursting though.

* If she wet in public/in front of important people, she'd be pretty embarrassed and would take a few days to get over it. But if it's in front of friends she doesn't mind as much. It's still an uncomfortable experience but she can usually find a way to turn it into a joke with everyone instead of them laughing at her expense. She has a good sense of humor about it and hey, at least she finally got to pee.

* Will pretty much pee anywhere. Boy's bathroom, outdoors, a bucket, whatever. The only time she'll hesitate or refuse is if it's super gross.

* Has gone in the pool once to see if the rumor was true. Only once though.

* Probably doesn't have an omo kin/k, but is open to experimenting either way.

Toko/yami (birb boi) :

* Tiny bladder (like smaller than De/ku's). Gets squirmy shortly after a single juice box or small soda. Cannot get through drinking a large-sized drink without multiple potty breaks. Mostly sticks to water except for rare treats because caffeine goes through him so fast.

* Very self-conscious and shy because of said tiny bladder. Doesn't like looking weak or seeming baby-ish compared to his peers and def doesn't want to have to ask multiple times on long trips or classes, so he tries his best to monitor his liquid intake and sneak away when everyone is busy. This usually works out okay since he's so good at hiding out in corners/being quiet, but it's becoming harder now that he has /gasp/ friends who want to keep tabs on him or include him in stuff. He would low-key rather die than tell anyone he has to go at all, let alone if he has to go really REALLY badly. Dorm sleepovers will be hell.

* He isn't really pee-shy as far as public bathrooms go, but if he has to take an emergency pee outside or smth he has a hard time going, esp if he has someone with him trying to stand guard. Some people probably like to joke that because he's part animal he can go outside whenever he wants. That is Not The Case and it isn't funny

* Da/rk Shadow, on the other hand, gives no fucks and will try his best to force birdy to say something or blurt it out himself. Mostly at very embarrassing and inconvenient times with crowds, or hollering at everyone to wake up and move out of the way during said sleepover in the middle of the night when To/koyami is trying to sneak past the maze of sleeping bags to get to the bathroom quietly. Da/rk Shadow would be lying if he said he didn't get a bit of amusement from making birdy boi so embarrassed, but at his core he also does it because he's concerned the poor guy's gonna hurt himself testing his limits so often, and he would be even more embarrassed if he wet himself so HE'S DOING HIM A FAVOUR REALLY.

* Mostly fidgets with his legs. Lots of jiggling and partial bouncing and shifting weight from foot-to-foot. Crossed whenever he's sitting. Squeezing and rubbing thighs together, the whole she-bang. If he's alone and it gets this bad you can count on a full-blown potty dance.

* If he really has to keep up a good impression and can't afford to let anyone know, he can stop the fidgeting, but pretty much only by standing stock-still and straight and not really moving. His whole body ends up shaking from the strain though so it isn't actually that much of a cover

* If he's literally about to pee himself/knows he has to hold it for a LONG time with no other options he'll cave and hold himself really tight, but he seriously has to be on the verge of a full blown accident before he'll dare do this. Even around close friends he'd usually rather just try his best to keep his legs together and put up with the few leaks praying they don't notice.

* He leaks a LOT of tiny trickling leaks. He never loses control in one big gush, it just keeps dribbling out and he stops it for like half a minute and then it starts again, rinse and repeat each time more agonizing than the last until he finally loses full control and the rests hisses out.

* He tries to be quiet when desperate but the worse it gets the more he starts to let out little whimpers and moans, which can then devolve into incoherent rambling. By the time he's about to lose it he's basically Izu/ku levels of chatter, albeit much much quieter.

*When he does finally let go completely (whether that's in the bathroom or in his pants lol) he definitely has those fullbody pee shivers. You know the lil shudder all the way up his spine, complete with the softest little moan and his eyes slipping shut? His head feathers floof up for a second when he does it and it's adorable.

* If he wets he's going to be completely mortified. He doesn't cry (openly at least, his eyes will be watery), but he isn't as good at maintaining a stoic facade as Tod/oroki could. He's shaky and his words come off broken, he can't quite calm his breath hitching. Depending on the witness, he might try to BS an excuse to leave immediately and pretend it didn't just happen, not confronting them for several days until he's tracked down. Or he might break down enough to be unsure how to leave/end up staying to be comforted.

* probably doesn't have a ki/nk for it himself but would hold/wet for a partner. I don't care how edgy he looks he's 100% a SUB

* Da/rk Shadow would enjoy being the dom and even have birdy hold for him maybe, using his shadow powers to poke and tease at his bladder

Ts/u (froggy) :

* BIG bladder. Is that friend who never seems to have to pee no matter how long you've been hanging out. She also has a decent pain tolerance and keeps control fairly well. It takes a lot to push her into a state where she's at risk of wetting.

* Always well-hydrated. Always. Mostly water, juice, or tea, she doesn't drink soda very often. Doesn't mind it though and the caffeine doesn't seem to affect her much, but the fizzing's weird.

* She doesn't really give outward signs of desperation. She doesn't bounce around or grab herself. The most she'll do is press her thighs together, or cross legs if she's sitting. Usually she just tries to stand still and focus on keeping control, and will be less talkative. Usually she's very observant of her peers and the situations around her, so her classmates can tell something's up when she gets like this and keeps missing details or not joining conversations.

* Still appears pretty calm, even when bursting. You'd have to know her very well to tell that she's nervous.

* Not shy at all about asking/leaving to go when needed, unless it's an extremely formal or serious situation. Even so, if genuinely close to wetting she'd excuse herself or find a way to take care of it.

* If desperate during an actual hero mission, she would intentionally wet herself as soon as the need started affecting her performance. Pride isn't worth making errors and putting others' lives at risk, and taking time to find a hiding place/get out of her costume wouldn't be an option.

* No problem going outside or in odd receptacles, even around friends. She's not going to go out in the open, but has no problem going while someone keeps watch or asking for a bottle during a long bus ride.

* Pretty chill about going in water, but still has standards. In the shower/further out in the ocean where it doesn't affect people? Perfectly fine. In the pool or a closed lake where people are hanging out? That just makes you a jerk. River? Depends on whether it's a super clean stream or already gross, and where it leads to.

* No omo ki/nk to speak of. Pretty confused about it, but perfectly chill with giving it a try if someone asks.

Kyo/ka (earphone girl) :

* Average bladder. High pain tolerance. Can hold for a while longer if necessary, but she'll struggle/wet eventually.

* Not shy at all about leaving/asking, barring special circumstances. Not a fan about going in weird places/outdoors, but will if she has to. She'll gripe about it though.

* Doesn't get nervous so much as frustrated when desperate. She's the type to bang on the door to snap at someone to hurry up, or yell at the bus driver to pull over before she soaks their seat. Her squirming is mainly just leg crossing or jiggling when seated, foot tapping when standing. Lots of sighing/growling and grumbling to take her mind off of it.

* If she's genuinely close to losing control though or in one of those special circumstances, she won't be nearly as frustrated. Instead she gets unusually shy and quiet, withdrawing to the corner and trying to stay unnoticed while she squirms and whines under her breath.

* Will only grab herself once she's on the verge of losing it. This is when she gets truly nervous and starts to panic.

* Wetting is embarrassing no matter what, but her reaction heavily depends on the circumstances. Close friends can comfort her after some sulking and then she can kind of chuckle about it. Regular peers get some threats not to talk about it, then she'll withdraw for a few days before she can get over it. Strangers she just tries to get out of there ASAP and wants to crawl under a rock

* Probably has a pretty big omo kin/k (mostly seeing others desperate, but sometimes indulges herself), but she's super embarrassed about it. You'd have to work real hard to get her to bring it up/ask you to participate. If she can though, oh boy is she gonna be into it. She gets a real thrill out of the dominant side of it, teasing people and watching them squirm (she's a very affectionate dom so expect some kisses and hugs while she casually straddles your bladder), breaking down their defenses until they lose control just for her. She does love being the sub on occasion though, it's nice to be the one flustered and nervous/having to be coddled for a change since she's usually so chill and tough.

Ko/da (animal whisperer) :

* Average bladder despite his large stature. Not overly weak, not overly strong. Mild pain tolerance. Can force himself to hold on for an exceptionally long time if necessary, but will be much weaker and prone to accidents afterwards.

* Pretty dang shy about asking/leaving, and is also legit bladdershy in public restrooms unless they're completely empty. Usually holds it during classes and then slips back to his dorm room's private restroom during lunch hour. Once he grows comfortable enough around certain friends he can use their dorm/house bathrooms, but that still takes some coaxing and a lot of visits to ease into it.

* He actually has less trouble going outside as long as there's plenty of cover and nobody's around (like a forest or smth). Animals don't judge the way people do. It's definitely not his first choice, but between say, a campground public bathroom and the woods, he'll take the woods.

* While most of his classmates/teachers in 1-A have gotten to know him enough to understand most of his miming communication, when he has to spend time with other classes/teachers or strangers in town, it can be a struggle. He's much more hesitant to 'speak up' about his need in the first place, and even once he does they don't really understand at first and it gets really embarrassing (short of doing an actual potty dance or starting to leak they might not figure it out in time). Sometimes he just writes it down instead/types it on his phone, which helps, but he's so used to charade communication that half the time he forgets that's an option.

* He tries not to be too obvious about his need when desperate, but isn't the best at hiding it. He gets really sweaty and can't quite wipe the nervous expression off his face, and his body posture is really tense and shaky. To be fair, he looks nervous a lot of the time, so most people might not pick up on the exact reason unless they know him well.

* When it gets REALLY bad he starts to squirm a little, pressing his knees together or rocking on his heels, shuffling in his seat, or the classic 'both hands gripping the edge of the chair with legs on either side, but you're not actually grabbing your crotch so it isn't obvious right?'. Any further and he'll do the actual crotch grab and a full potty dance, complete with tears budding in the corners of his eyes and little whining hums and whimpers.

* If he wets, he will be completely humiliated. Horribly ashamed, trying to clean up the mess but with no idea how, crying and on the verge of panic. That's all just alone. Have it happen in front of friends or in public and it's even worse, because now they're all gonna think he's a baby and not cool like them and he doesn't know whether to keep apologizing/crying or run away to hide forever.

* Luckily he's pretty easy to comfort once people try. He won't learn to laugh about it or anything but if people convince him they aren't mad or gonna make fun of him, he can meekly accept the offer to hang out or go back to join whatever group he left once he's cleaned up and had time to decompress.

* Doesn't really have an omo kin/k, but is a big sub with a humiliation kin/k so he could go along with it for his partner. He kinda likes the whole squirmy, blushy side of it and all the comfort and spoiling he gets afterwards uvu

Pi/xie Bob (blonde kitty teacher from the summer camp arc) :

* I actually don't have many for her since she was only in a few episodes, I just think she's really cute and cool

* Probably pretty good bladder capacity and strength to hold. High pain tolerance and endurance

* Would wet during a mission to avoid making mistakes bc she's a professional and isn't that embarrassed in the moment, but she thinks it's kinda gross and will shower ASAP afterwards. Also because her group is kind of idol-esque so there's a reputation on the line.

* Will go outdoors without much fuss if she needs to, but definitely prefers more civilized accommodations. You know she's got a nicer private bathroom than whatever general camp one the others have to use. Pros get privileges.

* Bounces/whines a lot when desperate and kind of paws at her crotch without really grabbing it. Lots of leg crossing and wriggling/hunching over. Only when by herself or with her close friends though. If she's in Pro-Hero mode trying to make good impressions or teaching camps, she can mask her needs remarkably well to focus on the task at hand. She forgets what she's saying periodically or has a shakier smile, but that's about it.

* FYI those giant cat paw gloves make getting a decent grip on her crotch imPAWsible

* Wetting is kind of embarrassing but she's also super relieved so it kind of balances out. Unless it happened live on tv or smth she'd probably be able to get over it pretty quickly. In front of any camper students she'd be embarrassed on the inside, but not let the flustering show. Instead she turns it into a teachable moment.

* Could have an omo kin/k or could not. We don't know a ton about her so I like flexible hcs.

[southernconundrum-blog]

Making a Case for 13 Going on 30.

I can still remember my Wednesday evening History of Film class in Film school. (Yes I went to film school, we can still like cheesy rom-coms) And the night my professor, a former DP for Columbia during the “golden age of film” stood in front of the entire class and proclaimed we were about to view, what most experts call the greatest film of all time. You guessed it, Citizen Kane. 

He went on to explain that what made it so great was the technicality and the innovation of it. The first film to use flashback and continuous wide shots, blah blah. I thought it was a snooze fest of straight white male nonsense. Yeah technically it’s cool they did all that with cut and paste film. I respect that shit, I do. But Citizen Kane is one of the most un-relatable stories ever. At least to me as a gay woman. It’s like the Catcher in the Rye of film. I have a hard time identifying with rich white dudes who feel like they don’t belong in a world created for and by them. If anyone actually read this blog I bet I’d get ALL the haters up in here leaving me comments about how oppressed men are now. Do it. I masturbate with male tears.

ANYWAYS. Fuck Citizen Kane in it’s boring ass face. I’m here to talk about the greatest movie of all time. The movie that is best picture every year in my heart and soul always and the one movie by which every other movie is measured. 13 Going on Motherfucking 30.

Yes it’s entertaining. Yes it’s a feel good romish-com with a cute cast. Yes it has Judy Greer. But what makes it the best? I’ll break it down for you.

CAST:

We all know about JGar and MRuff, and before we get to Judy Greer, let’s talk about the supporting cast: 

Christa B Allen 

For you true Jgar fans you’ll note that this was not Christa’s only time playing a young Jen. She also does in Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (another one of my faves but more problematic). Christa’s got the looks and the chops. She’s not only a dead ringer for the younger Rink, she’s also actually a great actress. Here’s what she looks like now BTW.

Pretty fucking spot on from the casting director I’d say. So if Christa B. Allen was the homerun, Sean Marquette (young MRUFF) is the grand slam. 

Then and now:

Yeah that could be Mark Ruffalo in the early 2000′s. And Sean does a great job himself in the younger role. Moving on.

BRIE OSCAR WINNER CAPTAIN MARVEL LARSON

In a bit part with ONE freaking line. She nailed it by the way. That’s how extra this movie is. Oscar winners as basically extras.

FUN FACT THAT ONLY A PSYCHO WOULD KNOW:

When Jenna is looking at her yearbook with Matty years later, it flashes this picture of the Six Chicks:

Notice Jenna is now “practically their leader” and Brie Larson is nowhere to be found. Presumably she has already been kidnapped and is in ROOM. Too dark? Or too REAL.

ANDY FUCKING SERKIS

You can use IMDB to go through this guy’s laundry list of amazing credits. And don’t stop at Gollum in LOTR because he was basically just getting started in this bitch. He’s also an accomplished director. He plays Jenna and Lucy’s (tom-tom) boss and the editor of Poise magazine. He’s also gay bc representation in 2004 hella mattered.

KATHY BAKER (Jenna’s mom)

Where have you seen her? Bitch, everywhere. She has a staggering list of nominations and awards from film, tv and stage where she’s had a phenomenal career. My favorite roles are between that gem up there in Edward Scissorhands and the woman of many marriages in the Jane Austen Book Club. She’s a legend and she’s NOT EVEN THE STAR OF THIS FILM.

Marcia DeBonis (Jenna’s admin asst)

It’s easier to tell you what she HASN’T been in. Like Kathy Baker, she’s made a career out of small, scene stealing roles. She also has a pretty impressive career in casting. 

I’m not going do Jen and Mark because we all know all of their shit. I’m the biggest JGar fan on earth so don’t get me started, but they are obviously mega stars and I need to save some room for.......here it comes...it’s finally here...you know it was coming..and here WE. FUCKING. GO.

JUDITH THERESE EVANS GREER

If Judy BAD BITCH OF LIFE Greer is in a movie? I’m seeing it. Why? BC SHE’s in EVERY MOVIE. Judy Greer is a brilliant silky chameleon with ferrari engine precision comedic timing. I would say she ties with Melanie Lynksey for all time underrated actress in history, but I think she pushes just past her since her body of work is unbelievably large. She has done indie, rom-com, sci-fi blockbuster, you name it. She can and has done anything and everything and I love her with every sad and broken cell in my fangirl body. She doesn’t support scenes, she carries them. And the only reason you think someone else is the star is because Judy wants you to think that. There are like 2 people on this Earth I love as much as I love Judy Greer and they are basically my mom and Claire Danes. She is an angel we do not deserve sent to us straight from a place we can never know. I legitimately worry that not enough people know what a treeey zzzurrre we have in Judy. I will do whatever I can to always spread the Gospel of Greer in this flaming shit bag of a world. If you haven’t seen Addicted to Fresno, please excuse yourself from whatever meaningless nonsense you’re doing right now to go watch it. Thanks.

STORY

A perfect cast, and yes this is one, does not a good film make on it’s own (see all those shitty Gary Marshall vignette films). 

Lucky for us we also have a perfect story.  This film has everything: redemption, friendship, love, betrayal, materialism, capitalism, competition, fucking TIME TRAVEL. And a dance number to goddamn Thriller. 

This movie created the catch-phrase, “Fabuloso”, which would eventually become the best smelling cleaning product of all time. It brought back Razzles, no doubt saving that entire brand from bankruptcy. It has complicated parental relationships, complex female friendships, a pre-wedding love confession scene, an NYC fall photoshoot montage, an accidentally fall-down kiss scene, a popular high school guy now a balding loser scene, a heroine saves the magazine scene, and a Pat Benetar slumber party pillow fight. 

SETTING

NEW. MOTHERFUCKING. YORK. CITY. Is there any other place where a 30 year old can be the editor of a fashion magazine and live in an $8 million apartment???

SOUNDTRACK

I mean, you’ve got The Go-Go’s, Whitney Houston, Madonna, Billy Joel, Liz Phair, Rick Springfield, Talking Heads, Soft Cell, I COULD ON AND ON. 

CONCLUSION

I am a rom-com SLUT. I have seen all of them, but this one is the stand out. Instead of limiting Jenna to the “she falls in love and finally changes her life” trope, it explores ALL the reasons Jenna’s life went off track. Not just because she lost her best friend along the way, but because now she’s dishonest, disloyal, and though she has the trappings of the life she dreamed of, she isn’t the person she thought she would be. In fact, Matty is not even the main thread of all of it. 

The takeaway here is that being present is more important than worrying and wishing about the future.Which is actually some intense deep Buddhist shit. 

By living in the moment we’re in, we can shape our lives however we want. Jenna was so intent on creating her idea of a perfect life, that she missed what was right in front of her. When she got a glimpse of what she thought she wanted, she realized how empty it was. The money, the cool job, the $8 million apartment doesn’t mean shit when you don’t have any real connections to anyone. And is there any better moment then when she goes back to her closet birthday party, kisses Matty and slams Tom-Tom’s drink in her face and calls her a “Biatch”? NO. It’s the most satisfying moment in American cinema. 

TWO THINGS

1.This movie has 0 diversity and is 100% straight white people problems. I acknowledge it. It is problematic. I don’t know what to say. It was the time, I didn’t make the movie, and thank the lorde things are changing.

2.Lucy’s take on Poise re-branding was 100,000% better than that Abercrombie bullshit Jenna came up. Don’t @ me.

JUDY GREER 2020