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bxcketbarnes · 5 years

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Hidden Feelings

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Pairing: Ashton Irwin x Reader

Words: 2700+

Author's Note: This was the fic I wrote down on a receipt paper at work one night. It’s a bit different than what I wrote but none the less good! In my eyes, it's good anyway. *shrugs* Enjoy!! xox

I knocked on the door to Ash's house, clasping my hands together as I wait for someone to answer the door. My bottom lip sits between my teeth, furrowing my brows as no one has come to the door yet. "Ash?!" I call out, knocking on the door again before leering through the window beside it. I pout before stepping off of the porch, heading around back to where his window is.

His laugh was heard and I can feel the butterflies in my stomach went insane. I kneeled down by his window, since his bedroom is in the basement, and my heart drops at the sight before me. The head cheerleader, Sydney, was sitting in the spot I always say in. Her fingers twirling her hair as Ashton was sitting beside her, their thighs touching. I swallowed hard, standing up before backing away a bit.

"Y/N/N?" A small voice comes from behind me and I twirl around quickly to see Lauren standing at the gate. "What are you doing?"

"I-I was here to see Ashton but he's...busy it seems," I mumble to her while heading her way. The two of us head towards the front porch and she takes a step onto it before turning to face me. "Will you just tell him that I stopped by but no one answered."

She nods her head and I start to walk back to my house down the street, feeling my chest clench in pain. "Are you gonna be okay?" Lauren yells and I look over my shoulder at her, a fake smile on my lips.

"Of course, Lauren. Tell your mom I said hi."

I watch as she nods her head before heading inside. I swallow the lump in my throat, continuing my path home as I could feel the tears pool in my eyes. He told me we were hanging out today…

Ever since I got home I locked myself in my room. Tears have been streaming down my cheeks for what feels like hours. I stared at the blue walls as music played throughout the room. A knock on my door snaps me from my stare, blinking rapidly before looking towards the white structure.

"Sweetheart? You okay?" My mom's voice comes through the door and I sit up, wiping the tears off my face.

"Yeah," I croaked out and the door opened, her head poking through.

I give her a weak smile and she frowns, coming into the room. "What's wrong? I thought you were hanging out with Ash tonight?" She asks and I let out a dry laugh.

"Yeah, I thought so too. Guess he had other plans and didn't tell me," I mumble and she sits down beside me.

"Is that why you've been in here for hours?" She questions and I nod my head, biting my bottom lip. Her hand pets my hair before bringing me into her body. I take a deep breath as I try not to cry out, wrapping my arms around her. "I should tell you that he's been calling. I don't know why he hasn't called your phone but I'm guessing it's off?"

I nod my head in her neck, sniffling a bit as she moves her hand to rub my back. I pull away from her after a few minutes and let out a deep sigh, moving the hair from my face.

"I'll be alright. I just don't understand why he didn't tell me our plans were off. I have a right to be upset, right?" I ask my mom and she nods her head, smiling softly.

"Of course you do. Especially if you're in love with him," she states and I snap my head up, my breath hitching in my throat. A giggle leaves her lips as she pats my cheek. "C'mon, sweetie, did you really think I wouldn't notice?"

I love my lips, trying to form a sentence as a bunch of noises comes from my lips. "I-I didn't- is it that obvious?" I ask her as my cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

She shrugs her shoulders before shaking her head. "Not exactly, no. Ashton's always been a bit oblivious," she informs me and I let out a sigh of relief.

I stand up from my bed, combing my fingers through my hair. "Okay, cool, cool," I trail off and my mom stands up, pressing a kiss to my head. "I'm gonna take a shower before dinner."

She nods her head at me, mumbling an okay before leaving my room. I close my eyes for a few seconds, collecting my nerves and shit before going to grab a towel. I was lucky enough for my parents to have a house that had a bathroom in two of the bedrooms instead of just the master bedroom.

I close the door to my bathroom, locking it before I turn the water on. I get it to the correct temperature before stripping my clothes off and stepping into the steaming shower.

After spending almost twenty minutes in the shower I finally decide to get out, my skin getting pruney from the water. I wrap the dark green towel around my body, wiping the condensation off the mirror before looking at myself in it. A sigh leaves my lips at how exhausted I look. I tuck some hair behind my ear before unlocking the bathroom door and stepping into my bedroom.

My eyes are met with Ashton who's sitting on my bed, his fingers tangling together as he taps his feet. "Jesus Christ, Ash," I jump and clutch my towel, my heart pounding against my chest.

His head turns towards me and he stands up, wiping his hands on his jeans. "Uh, I-Uh, hi," Ash mumbles nervously and I can see his cheeks dusted pink. "I know you told me to always let you know when I climb through your window but your phone was off and your mom wouldn't tell me anything…"

"Then you should realize that I don't want to speak to you, Ashton," I mumble to him before walking past him towards my dresser.

"Y/N-"

"Why didn't you tell me that Sydney was going over?" I ask him, turning to face him and his lips part slightly. "Like, we had plans to hang out and suddenly you're buddy-buddy with the girl who picks on me?"

I can feel myself get worked up once more as I grab my pajamas, walking past him again to get to the bathroom. I slam the door shut, resting my back against it as I let out a breath.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I-I didn't know that she picks on you. You never told me. I feel kinda stupid now to tell you that she kinda asked me out," he states through the door and I can feel my heart split in two. "I- You know how long I've had a crush on her for. I honestly couldn't believe it at first."

I dress in silence, stopping the tears from forming as I pull on my pajama pants before exiting the bathroom. "Good for you, Ash," I whisper, not trusting my voice.

His hazel eyes look me over as I sit down on my bed, crossing my legs. "You're not upset with me are you?" He whispers and I let out a breathy laugh. I wish I could be.

"No, Ash, I'm not," I tell him with a small smile and he breathes out a sigh of relief. I reach my arms out for a hug and Ashton complies almost instantly.

The dirty blonde climbed onto my bed, laying beside me as we both lay back. Ash rests his head on my chest and I run my fingers through his straight hair, staring at the ceiling.

"I'm so glad you came into my life," he mumbled and I smile softly, looking down at him.

"Me too, Ash. Me too."

I hike my overnight bag on my shoulder as I find myself standing on Ashton's porch. I knocked, hearing Anne-Marie's voice call out that she was coming. I only wait a couple of seconds before the door opens, her smiling face coming into view as she looks down at me.

"Y/N, sweetie!" She greets before bringing me into a hug. A laugh leaves my lips as I wrap my arms around her waist.

"Hi, Anne," I greet her in return and pull away as she lets me inside. "Ashton here?"

She nods her head and points towards the basement stairs. "Yeah. He's in his room. He's been having trouble picking an outfit for his date tonight," she says and the smile gets wiped off my face.

"Oh, that's tonight?" I asked no one in particular and I can see her nod her head in the corner of my eye. I head towards the stairs, heading down them as I can see Ashton's door open. "Ash?"

The boy rushes towards out of the room, a smile on his lips as he greets me and hugs me quickly. "Hi, Y/N. Uhm, I know tonight's our weekly sleepover and all but Sydney called and asked to go out tonight so I said yes. We won't be gone for too long. I hope that's okay," he rambles and I give him a tight-lipped smile.

"That's fine," I mutter to him before walking into his room after him, setting my stuff down beside his desk.

Ash closes his door as I sit down on his bed, grabbing a hold of the throw blanket that's beside me. "Okay, cool. Can you help me find something to wear?" Ashton asks me and I nod my head.

He shows me a few outfits and I chuckle at how unorganized he is. I bite my lip, watching him fiddle around to get shit perfect for tonight and I wonder if he'd ever do that for me… if we were to go on a date.

"Y/N?!" Ashton calls out and snaps his fingers in front of my face.

I snap out of my thoughts, looking up at him with wide eyes and he lets out a giggle. "Sorry, what?" I ask and he motions to the clothes he was wearing.

My heart pounds against my chest as he wore his very blue jeans, my favorite jeans to be exact. He paired it with a maroon button-up and I look back up at him as he had a desperate look in his hazel eyes.

"You look great, Ash," I tell him and he smiles, the dimples indenting his cheeks. "If she doesn't swoon then she's crazy."

A laugh leaves his lips and wraps his arms around my shoulders. My head presses against his stomach, closing my eyes as I chew on the inside of my cheek.

"You're the best," he tells me and I giggle, mumbling an I know. Our moment was cut short by his mom opening the door to his room.

"Ash, Sydney's here," she informs him and I watch as his eyes light up a bit.

I look away from him, covering up my hurt as I scratch my cheek. "I'll see you later, Y/N/N," he calls out as he grabs his wallet before running out of his room. I swallow the lump in my throat, taking a deep breath as the tears finally come to my eyes.

Anne-Marie sits down beside me, laying a hand on my knee. "I know that you're hurt by all this," she whispers and I glance towards her, a confused look on my face. "Lauren mentioned something about you looking heartbroken the other day when you came over."

I press my lips together, looking at my lap as I fiddle with my fingers. "I just… I want to be happy for him but I can't, not when I'm hopelessly in love with him."

She gives me a sad smile before bringing me into a hug. I hug her tightly, letting out a deep breath as I close my eyes. "He'll come around. I just know it," his mom mumbles and I furrow my brows, wondering what she meant by that but keep quiet about asking.

I've been tossing and turning for what feels like hours, clutching Ashton's pillow as I inhale the scent that's embedded into it. His bedroom door opens and I move the blanket to my face not wanting the light from the hallway hitting me in the face. I shift my position, turning to face the wall as blunt noises were heard throughout the room.

The bed dips down beside me and I slowly open my eyes, looking over my shoulder to see Ash's hunched over silhouette. "Ash?" I whisper and I can see him nod his head.

"Hey, sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," he says quietly and I can hear the crack in his voice.

I reached over towards his end stand, turning the lamp on before looking at him. My eyes met his hazel ones, seeing the tears dancing along his waterline. My heart drops and I tightly clutch his arm.

"W-What happened?" I ask him, stuttering a bit as he shifts in his spot and turns his body to face me.

"I'm so stupid," he whispers before leaning forward, hiding his face in my neck. I swallow the lump in my throat as Ashton's arms wrap around my waist, feeling the tears drip onto his shirt that I was wearing. "She never liked me. She only did that because of a stupid bet she made with her boyfriend."

I let out a sigh, running my fingers through his hair as tears welled up in my eyes. "Ash, I'm sorry, bub," I whisper into his ear and his hands grip the shirt I was wearing. "I hate her so much. You deserve so much."

Ashton pulls away from me, his eyes looking into mine as our faces were inches apart. "She mentioned something," he mumbles and I nod my head, signaling him to continue, "she told me I was basically a loser and didn't know why you were in love with me."

My breath hitches in my throat, feeling like my heart stopped as I stare at him with wide eyes. "I-I don't-"

"And on my drive home I realized just how amazing you are. How you've been there for me through everything. The bullying, the self-harm, everything," Ash whispers and moves one of his hands to my cheek. "I realized that the one I wanted was right under my nose."

A staggered breath leaves my lips as I close my eyes, hands grabbing a hold of his shirt. "Ash…" I trail off and re-open my eyes, looking up at him. "I'm always going to be here for you. You have no idea how just seeing your face makes my whole day. The energy radiating off of you fueling my fire to push on through a hard day. I fell in love with your dorky ass and I'm so scared."

A giggle leaves his lips as his free hand grasps my own, lacing our fingers together. "I'm a little scared because I don't want to lose you if something goes wrong but… I believe that we'd be great together. I was just too blind to see it," Ashton mumbles and rests his forehead against mine. "So, would you maybe wanna go on a date with me?"

My heart was racing in my chest as a smile comes to my lips. "I'd love that, Ash." I watch him as he grins wide, his dimples making an appearance and he closes his eyes before letting out a shaky breath.

Ashton gets up from the bed, removing his clothes before putting some basketball shorts on. He climbs back in bed as I move towards the wall, where I always slept. He covers both of us before his arms wrap around my waist and I move closer to rest my head against his shoulder. My eyes close as I take in his scent, my fingers gliding across his chest.

"I wish I noticed before all of this. To save both of us from a broken heart," he whispers and I hum in agreement.

I press a soft kiss to his shoulder, looking up at him through my lashes. "If it makes you feel better I never thought this would happen."

"It would've happened eventually. I can feel it."

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