#but I have the unfortunate gift of being extremely hyper aware and am paralyzed to do anything
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My sisters boyfriend is being a massive dick and I just have to sit by and watch her cry
#I'm tired of men seriously there's only one man on this earth I fully completely trust and he unfortunately can't even be my boyfriend#he's so mean to her and I'm not allowed to say anything#I know she stays with him cus that's the only option we'd be homeless if she broke up with him#but it doesn't give him the right to make her cry 24/7#like I'm autistic so to stay sane I can't think about real life stuff I'm an adult child#but she HAS to think of life stuff I wish he was more supportive of her#everytime I hear them fight her main point is 'you don't have to take care of an entire human being'#and that breaks me everytime#it just feels like killing my self would take a bunch of problems away#I know that I'm dead weight as a human I'm trying so hard but it's never enough#I feel like most disabled people who are in this level of need don't usually understand stuff around them/serious life stuff#but I have the unfortunate gift of being extremely hyper aware and am paralyzed to do anything#for years I've had the same thought#they'd be better off without me#and it's true#the only thing that stops me from killing myself is that I'm scared how mad they'd be if I failed
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