#but adblock for literally everything ever only works on my laptop

[luna-spacedoodles]

ALL IS GOOD IN THE WORLD!!!! MY DAD FIXED HEADPHONES SO NOW I CAN WALK AROUND WHILE LISTENING TO MUSIC!!!!!

[werezmastarbucks]

Whitmore Guy - the light switch

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five

Part Six

Kai Parker x fem!Reader slowburn

word count: 3696 + 358

warnings: mentions of suicide. this one is big and there’s a lot of chatting, sorry!

music: blink-182 - shut up

“Best songs about escaping the law. Go!”

Mal was a natural. Or seemed like one. He took up the maintenance guy, Flip, who volunteered to help them decorate the gathering hall for the party. It was almost the thirty-first, and, thanks to hard work and Mal’s disgust for sleep, they were done with the playlist. Not that it was very difficult. Caroline had said, nostalgia flick. Well, they knew exactly what people would feel nostalgic to. And even if they didn’t, who cares. They had the filthiest of Bloodhound Gang and a sick lamp that changed flickering from orange to blue.

Currently he was guiding Flip through Styx’s discography, explaining why it was literally the best rock band of the middle of seventies. Every little thing Mal enjoyed was literally the best for him. He had a mind of a twelve year old teenager, and a scary look of a snake. Ever since Y/N learned why he’s the way he was, she saw everything he did in a much more ominous way. Yet, he seemed friendly enough, turning his back to her, which meant he trusted her. Just in case she has to take him out. After the gaping hole grew in her over the winter and spring, she felt there wasn’t a single thing she wasn’t capable of.

Y/N was opening boxes with plastic cups and napkins, tons of waste five hours after the party. Caroline arrived exactly at noon, just like she’d promised, and started helping her.

“Is that him?” she asked quietly, eyeing Mal from the other side of the hall. Y/N stood up and nodded. The two girls were watching as he and Flip unfolded a big knot of wiring.

“He’s cute”.

“Uh-huh”.

“And you said he was… odd?”

Y/N nodded.

“I’m quite fine with that, though. I found the reason for it. I’m not sure he’s completely honest about everything, but earlier I thought he was like a demon, or a vampire undercover”.

Caroline looked at him closely, putting away her curly strands of hair to hear better.

“And what’s the reason?”

“Caroline, you’re lifting two boxed with the projectors. Put them down”, Y/N hissed, grabbing her by the hands. The blonde vampire formed an O with her mouth and grimaced awkwardly.

“Gee, I just wanna do it all as quick as possible. Sorry. You were saying?”

“Well, he has… some… he’s like…”

On the one hand, a bit of sociopathic energy won’t surprise anyone here. But then again, this stuff is personal.

She leaned to Caroline and whispered into her ear, really quietly.

“Oh! Has he killed anybody yet?”

“I thought the same!”

Her shriek made the boys turn their heads. Mal waved his hand at Forbes, and she nodded.

“About that, by the way…” Caroline followed him with her eyes, and then looked back at her friend.

“Those bodies at Stefan’s house”, Y/N always wondered at how all the people in the town are divided between the two Salvatore brothers. “Damon found their heads. You will not believe where they were”.

Y/N rubbed her palms. Please, don’t let it be too spooky.

“They were all packed under Damon’s bed. He couldn’t sniff them out right away because of all the smell on the lawn and inside... ”.

“What was it like, exactly?”

“They were just outside the house. Butchered”. Caroline shivered under her silk blouse.

“So, that was about Damon”.

“For sure”, Caroline shook her head lightly, letting her bangs swing. Y/N noticed a clear trace of indignation in her voice. “I wonder what he has done this time to piss Rebekah this time”.

“Rebekah? You already know she did it?”

The dead weight clutching her heart and lungs for three days let go. She thought it would be something way more evil, or threatening.

“I mean, who else has such a cracked up mind to do such a thing? And a grudge against Damon? She really outdid herself this time though”.

“Right, she’s bitchy, but not completely insane, for sure?”

Forbes just shrugged, her eyes big and blue.

“Don’t stop unpacking, Y/N. Yeah, and plus, that’s a lot of work”.

“This is atrocious. We gotta find out for sure”.

Y/N was unable to work, puzzled. A sudden burst of music, bashing with the sound of drums, exploded the silence in the hall, and she jumped, nearly screaming. Mal rushed to his laptop.

“My bad!” he waved his hand, smiling.

Caroline let out a tired sighed. So, Mal conquered her, too, without even talking to her.

“When did she do it? I can’t seem to make up the time line”.

“I’ve no idea. Maybe while Damon was napping”.

“Ridiculous”.

“Look, I don’t know. Klaus is talking to her, but she’s being all defensive… she denies everything”.

“Why are you so sure it was her though? I mean, they’ve slept a thousand years ago, and then I don’t remember them contacting afterwards”.

Caroline sat on the box and started to unpack the shuffling packs of packs of napkins. She lifted her sky-blue eyes to Y/N with the expression of sorrow.

“Y/N, honey… he… they’ve been in and out, for months. He just doesn’t tell you because he knows you’re still kind of into him”.

That made her wonder.

“Weird. I fell out of love with him years ago. You guys still think there’s something?”

Caroline shrugged impassively.

“I don’t know. It better be over. Damon is not the man of your dreams, I bet”.

“Well, he used to be”.

“Ladies”, Mal appeared out of thin air like a freaking ghost, startling her yet again. Even Caroline looked at him, surprised, her hands stopping for a second.

“We’re ready for the sound check. You wanna put in a song? Care, can I call you Care? Y/N’s been talking about you lots, I feel like I’ve known you for years”.

Caroline was dead silent, looking at him like she was about to hit him. Y/N felt an urge to put her arm on the guy’s shoulder and shield him from all the world and everything he didn’t get about it.

“You’re the boss here, right? Or is it Y/N? Um, anyway, she mentioned you wanted to see the transitions?”

Forbes stood up, still unimpressed, but put on a polite face.

“Oh. Sure. You’re Mal, right?”

She outstretched her hand in a challenging gesture. Mal shook it like it didn’t matter, and Caroline was seemingly left satisfied.

“Right. Mal Osbourne”.

“Mal’s short for…”

He tilted his head.

“Mal”.

“Oh. That’s the full name?”

“Yeah, it’s very short. Just like my patience”, he smiled widely, showing teeth. His eyes stayed the usual frozen navy color. “So, you wanna check it out? I’ll wrap the equipment until Friday and won’t get it out, so all the tech stuff should be checked beforehand. Y/N’s completely useless in it. The other day she failed to upgrade AdBlock, I was pissed”, he let out a laugh. Caroline gave Y/N a stunned look, not about her impotence in computers, which never surprised anyone who knew her. Y/N nodded, and the two of them walked to Mal’s laptop. He started explaining to Caroline the queue of songs and how they all formed patterns. This seemed to finally get to her, as she saw the organizational side to the whole mess that was happening. Y/N returned to her boxes.

When the lion share of preparations was done for the day, Mal suggested they grabbed a beer at the closest bar, to reward themselves.

“She’s a bit slow, eh, Caroline? I thought you said she was brilliant”.

“She is, and that’s mean. You just talk very much, and all my friends need to acclimatize to you at first”.

“Didn’t seem to have those problems with the others at Whitmore”, he thought out loud.

“Well, these ones are Mystic Falls people”, Y/N said. “Ric still avoids you, doesn’t he?”

“Big time”.

“They’re more cautious. You see the kind of shit happening with us”.

“Oh, right”.

They left the building, and headed for Y/N’s car. Mail never drove and usually walked from college to his place which was around ten minutes away. Sometimes Y/N gave him a lift on her way home as it was the same direction. The road from the campus to her house on the Oak street normally took not more than twenty minutes.

“Does that happen often? I read about all these ‘animal attacks’. What’s up with that? What kind of animal kills people and leaves them in the parking lot?”

“Wolves”.

“They’re that hungry?”

“In the cold season, yeah”, Y/N marveled at the amount of bullshit the normal folk had to consume here on a daily basis.

“And you’re all fine with that. And they’re gonna tell that pile of bodies was wolves as well? Is that true that they didn’t have heads?”

“How did you even know about it?”

“Twitter”.

Y/N shook her head. They got into the car, and she started the engine. Mal never put on seatbelt, no matter how many times she’s asked him to. The car itself seemed to have given up because now it didn’t beep when Mal was inside.

“I don’t know what kind of animal does that”, she confessed. She still wasn’t sure Rebekah was to blame for that. But she wished it was her, very much.

“Aren’t you scared?”

“Let me tell you a story”.

“Oh, story”, Mal gasped excitedly, turning his whole body to her. He loved stories.

“One morning I wake up and the body of my dad lies there on my carpet. His upper half was in my room, and his legs were in the corridor. His throat was cut and there was a big, black pool of blood under him, soaking into the wood. Awful. I couldn’t move for about five minutes. I was afraid he would get up and attack me. And I was asking myself, who would’ve done it, why they never hurt me, how come I didn’t hear anything, and why they positioned him that way”.

Mal listened with his pretty mouth slightly agape, eyes flickering. To him, it was a retelling of a movie, a piece of fiction he loved so much.

“You think there was something special about the way they left him?”

“It looked like when a cat drags you a dead rat”.

He smirked.

“You don’t seem too upset the whole thing”.

“My father was an awful man”.

“What about the whole family talk you gave me the other day?”

“First, I don’t know Martha’s folks. I only heard your side of story. Second, we never found out who killed my father. So I can’t tell how I feel about that human”.

“Human?” Mal caught her off guards. “Why did you say ‘human’?”

She imagined banging her head on the steering wheel. Because someone got inside her house in the night without being invited, and never bit him, that’s why. It was important while they were trying to figure out the murderer, that he was human. It was a habit.

“I… don’t know”, she offered, without trying too much. “Anyway, I have little to no feelings about that. The picture of his body, though, lying there, waiting for me to wake up and discover him, still haunts me sometimes”.

“Okay, imagine you found who did this. Imagine you met that human”.

Y/N didn’t like the way Mal said that word.

“Imagine you knew the motive”.

“Which would be..?”

“Well, what do you mean when you say he was awful?”

“Ah, okay. You think they killed him to rid me of him”.

“Something like that, maybe. Imagine you met him. What would you say?”

“I wouldn’t like to meet him. He’s clearly crazy”.

Mal chewed on his lower lip. They drove up to The Craze and left the car.

“You’re driving me home in the evening”, she announced, throwing Mal the keys. He managed to catch them at the last moment. “I need to drink”.

_____________________________________________________________

“Tell me”, Mal frowned with a hidden smile, “why do we always have to make everybody listen to your millennial pop rock playlist?”

“You love it”.

“I do”, he confirmed and made himself comfortable in his chair. “But I just wonder about the reason you’re so hooked up on it”.

“I don’t think about it much”.

There was the song he put in to the DJ, who actually approved it, probably due to Mal’s natural charm. Being wrapped in the music she chose herself, and organized in a way she enjoyed, made her feel comfortable in the times of distress. Maybe now was the time like this, because she physically needed it.

Shut the fuck up, she said,

I’m going fucking deaf

“Let it be the snippet of the party then”, Mal agreed. People at the bar were swinging their heads, sniffing the familiar lyrics they probably last heard ten years ago, or even more.

They said cheers and started getting wasted.

“You remember you promised me something?” Mal cooed conspiratorially, pierced her with a look, and made her forget all about Martha for a second. She swallowed hard.

“What?”

“A sad story in exchange for mine. Or was it a trick to make me talk?”

Y/N went silent, amazed at the fact he remembered.

“You forgot, right? So typical of you. You’re ultra irresponsible. Sometimes I feel like you’re the one without any conscience”.

“Ugh”.

He drank his beer and licked his lips.

“You’ve seen my tattoo on the forearm?”

“It’s big, hard not to see. I reckoned, Alex is dead?”

She nodded. She looked at Mal’s forearms with the grey sleeves of his hoodie rolled up.

“It’s been five years now. He was my childhood friend. He taught me everything my bastard of the father was meant to teach me. Riding a bike, watching movies, making jokes, LEGO assembling, crashing my knees as we were rollerblading”.

“Did you have a crush on him?”

“At one point, when I was ten, maybe. It wasn’t serious. He was always like a big brother to me”.

“What happened?”

She tasted her bitten lip with the tip of her tongue. It was salty and rough.

“When we grew up, he lost interest in me. We went different ways, I guess. I haven’t talked to him since I was sixteen. I mean, sometimes I messaged him, I tried to see him, but he moved on far away, and he wasn’t really interested. Like none of what we did when we were children mattered. Made me feel it didn’t count. What am I supposed to do with all the memories now? He was the only friend I had growing up, and when a person feels insecure, they touch their past and it makes them feel good. But when I remember the happiest days, Alex is in all of them. And at the same time, there was another Alex, who just forgot about me, like, people just… I mean, Mal, everybody had a childhood, right? We are not born adults”.

“My childhood sucked”.

“Yeah, I know. But it still existed”.

“Unfortunately”.

“He pretended I meant nothing to him. He had a new life, moved away from Washington, and – the funniest part – nothing had actually happened, there wasn’t a clear reason. That’s just how it happens sometimes. But then, couple of years after, his fiancée called and said he had hanged himself”.

Mal was thinking, playing with the bottle cap.

“And you still got his name tattooed”.

“He still taught me how to ride a bike. No matter what else he’s done, you can’t take it away now. You can’t erase my memory”.

Mal’s face went hard. That was his judging look. He didn’t say anything, but only sipped on his beer. The waitress brought his cheese fingers, and he attacked them like a hungry bear. Y/N marveled yet again at his teen-like appetite for bad stuff. It’s amazing he was lean, and his skin was so clear, given every time she saw him eat, it was complete trash.

“Alright, but I think I win”, he said after a pause.

“You mean the saddest story?”

“Yeah. Martha’s still alive, which means I get to be rejected for the second time”.

“You think she’ll reject you? It’s kinda sweet you’re being such a creep about her”.

“You’re a specific type of chick, Y/N. She’s more normal than you. She’ll think I’m a horrible person”.

“Do you think you’re a horrible person?”

He grinned to himself.

“I used to, but not anymore. I’m on my own in this world, and the only person that ever cared about me for real doesn’t know I’m feet away from her. There’s no use beating yourself about your qualities when you’re my age”.

“You’re like, a year older than me”.

Mal smiled at her like at a child that’s talking nonsense, but you gotta be nice because one day they’ll figure it out.

“You want some?” he always shared his food with her.

“No, thanks”.

“Oh, you know what else was bugging me?”

Y/N raised her brows.

“Something bugs you, sweet boy?”

Mal giggled charismatically.

“What are the Salvatores like? I saw one of them the other day, Steven? With Prof Saltzman. They seem to be good buddies, but he looks strange”.

“Stefan. Yeah, well, we all went to the same school. Ric, too. He used to be our history teacher”.

“So, you know them well? You keep mentioning the second one”.

“Go on”.

Mal pursed his lips, concentrating really hard.

“Go on, remember”.

“I can’t, you know I can’t. I don’t remember names. Be thankful I call you right”.

“Go on”, she nudged him, entertained. It was a thing about him, Mal, not considering others important enough to remember people’s names.

“Da- Dan?”

“Nope”.

Mal crossed his arms on his chest, his eyes wondering all over Y/N’s face like the answer was there.

“Daniel. Dasher. Denmark. Dunder Mifflin”.

She laughed.

“Go on. Mars’ moons”.

“Deimos. Damon!”

Y/N felt amused when he was around. She felt entertained, light, he was taking away the weight from her. The tilt of his head, the stupid quote from Gordon Flash, and she felt like she was a different kind of person. A memory would come back to her, that she wasn’t born here. That she didn’t belong to Mystic Falls and could actually go if she decided, one day. That, in theory, she was free.

Mal watched her.

“You like him?”

“How come?”

“Your face does that thing when you talk about him”.

“What thing?”

“Like now. Like you’re missing something”.

“I don’t get why everybody thinks I still have a crush on him. I used to love him back when I was at school”.

“Whoa, love?”

“Yes. It’s that thing when you want to be with somebody, you know that”, she pressed. She still was looking for an opportunity to test just how much Mal actually felt about Martha. That he cared about her, was not a question – but how did it actually work, with his brain? Did he desire to possess her? Or felt incomplete without her? Did she make him better, more human?

“And what happened to that?”

“I grew up”.

“And?”

“You’re pushing me”.

“I’m being curious”, Mal was chewing again, “how does it die? You say you loved him. I only really loved one person in my life – and that’s rich for me to say that. Given, you know”, he motioned with his hand, “But I really think I love her. Like, when I look at her, my eyes melt. You ever get that? And my heart goes ba-dum, and sometimes I forget and think, oh no, I’m finally having a stroke”.

Y/N couldn’t hold back a chuckle.

“And when I think about her, sometimes it feels like I’m dying”, Mal said, and suddenly, it wasn’t as funny anymore.

“Oh, my poor boy Mal”, Y/N held out her hand and touched his wrist in an instinctive gesture.

“What are you doing?” he asked curiously.

“I’m comforting you”.

“Ah. Thanks. And so, I used to wait for it to go away, but it didn’t, so I decided, if I can’t get over her, I’ll just get her back. You know?”

“That actually makes perfect logical sense”.

“So, how do you fall out of love? If it’s real?”

“Maybe with Damon, it wasn’t real. But it sure felt that at some point. Boy, the things we did together back then”, Y/N snickered, raising Mal’s eyebrows high.

“What?”

“We…”

She realized she couldn’t tell Mal about one of the coolest things that ever happened to her in her life. The one person she really wanted to share, because she knew exactly the kind of reaction she would get, and it would be perfect. And yet, to tell him how she, a sixteen year old, was a bait for a bunch of vampires and how Damon ripped a heart out one of them in front of her? How he was standing there, all soaked in rain, with his black hair and silver eyes, tall and strong, like a statue, holding a bleeding heart in his palm, like an epitome of safety.

“We had the maddest parties. I was big on vodka when I was a teenager”, she lied. “We would gather all school at their huge house and party all night. And get into all kinds of trouble”.

“How old is he, exactly?” Mal asked, suspicious.

“He’s seven years older than Stefan”.

“So, you partied with that man while being underage. And you let him get into your pants?”

A wave of frozen air hit her in the face. Y/N was taken aback, at the same time feeling blood flush to her eyes and cheeks. Mal’s severity sometimes blew her off.

“I- no. Not that it’s any of your business, man, Jesus. He never liked me back”.

“Damien sounds like trash”, Mal concluded gravely, looking away. “No wonder someone’s threatening him. Is he a criminal?”

“Not that I know of. Mal, stop it”.

“What?” he shook his shoulders, as if brushing off all the thoughts of Damon.

“You’re freaking me out a little”.

“You’ve had one bottle, weakling”, he smiled warmly. It didn’t work. His eyes were worse than weapons sometimes.

“Moorning!” Mal announced loudly as he stopped the car, with a swing, on her driveway. Y/N had almost fallen asleep while looking at the window. When he turned off the music, silence rang in the car for a moment.

“You still walking?”

“How are you not drunk?” she demanded slowly, getting out of her car and pushing the door a little bit too hard.

His hand found its way to her shoulder blade. Mal seemed to move like a cat, and her being completely wasted didn’t add to her circumspection.

“I have high tolerance”, he responded. “You need a tea or whatever? Are you gonna puke?”

Y/N stood up and looked at her house. It swayed just a little.

“Nah, I’m fine”.

Together, they walked to the porch. Y/N decided to be double careful and thought of luring him inside for a minute without inviting him, just to be sure.

“Actually, would be cool if you helped me, uh, find the switch”.

Mal got slightly surprised but said nothing. Y/N opened the door, and he held it with his hand, as she stepped inside. She stood in the dark for a moment, looking at him, just outside the doorframe. The streetlights were out, again. The faint moonlight made his face look waxy. He studied her with curious look.

“You want me to come in?”

She wouldn’t budge.

Mal put his palm on the door jamb and took a step, letting himself in the house. Y/N exhaled, blood thumping inside her head, like an empty gunshot.

“There it is”, he outstretched his hand and flickered the lights, getting the switch unmistakably. How did he know? Y/N closed her eyes for two seconds and opened them again. Light was burning her eyeballs.

Mal stepped up to her, and took her head with his hands. He promptly kissed her on the forehead, his lips warm and quick.

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll call a taxi”, he said nonchalantly, an amused smirk, like he was playing with her, stretched his mouth. He left the house without saying goodbye, and closed the door after himself.

How did he know where the switch was?

[thevalleyisjolly]

The Last Goodbye

Hi everyone,

Sorry it’s been a while.  I meant to post this sooner, but a lot of work and scheduling things got in the way, and I never found the time to do it.  But the recent purge reminded me that you never know what’s going to happen, so in case this is my last chance to reach some of you, here we go.

As you may have noticed, I haven’t been on this site in a long time.  There’s a good reason for that.  About April 2017, the last time I was logged on, my hard drive crashed.  That wasn’t the first time it had happened, but it had happened a lot over the past few months, I think that was the third time within the space of half a year that it crashed.

I’d like to preface the next part by saying that this is just what I was told by computer experts with far more I.T. knowledge than me.

When we took my hard drive to the repair shop and to my uncle, who’s a computer engineer, both returned the verdict that there was a virus on my drive.  This wasn’t a new occurrence, it had happened before, except this time when we asked for a cause, they theorized that it came from some kind of ad video on a social media site.  And the only site I regularly used at the time with video ads (apart from YouTube) was this site, and I had already been experiencing regular problems with it.

(To clarify, because I know this might be a question, I did have an equivalent of AdBlock, but even without the ads loaded, my dash was still regularly messed up)

To be clear, there are many ways my hard drive could have been infected.  But the timing of the crash was worrying.  My hard drive crashed around the end of term, near the start of exam period, when I had papers to write and exams to study for.  Fortunately I had all my files backed up, but I was very concerned what would happen if there was another crash and we weren’t able to recover all the files.

I made the decision to leave tumblr.  There were too many indicators that it had some part to play in my computer difficulties, and I couldn’t justify continuing to use it when just being on my dash was already filled with enough problems.  It was a difficult decision, I’ve made a lot of good friends through this site, and I’ve enjoyed a lot of the interactions I’ve had.  But I could no longer take the risk of doing further harm to my hard drive (which never fully recovered, I’ve been relegated to using my laptop for everything).

This is a very late notice that I’ve moved over to Wordpress, using the same name.  The url is thevalleyisjolly . wordpress . com (remove the spaces).  It’s been sporadically updated lately, I’ve had a literal hell of a semester, but I’m gonna try and make the effort to post on it more.  I’ve also set up a twitter handle, @valleyisjolly, if Twitter is more accessible for you.  I’ve just set it up so there isn’t much on it yet, but the platform is there if you want to use it.

If you’d like to keep in touch, my Wordpress blog has a contact page.  You absolutely do not have to give an email address, but I’d appreciate it if you included your tumblr username so I know who you are.  If you’d like to use Twitter instead, same thing!  I will never publish any private information or any information you don’t want me to.  Anyone is welcome, whether or not we’re mutuals, so please, drop by and give me a shout!

A few orders of business, to clear up any questions:

I’m posting this from a school computer that wipes all files on log off.  I’ve seen people log on to their tumblrs from these computers, which is why I feel safe in accessing this site in this way

Just because I can log on from school computers doesn’t mean I can continue my blogging experience on this site.  I don’t live on campus, and my “free time” at school is already taken up with office hours, studying, and working on assignments.  Besides, after I graduate, I won’t have access to school computers anymore, so it would be a short term solution

I will periodically log on from school computers to clear up the bots, so if you send me a message/ask, it may take a while for me to respond, depending on when I have time to log on.  This will continue for a few years until I graduate and no longer have access to school computers 

The most reliable way to reach me is currently through my twitter handle @valleyisjolly or my Wordpress thevalleyisjolly

There may periodically be a queued post that shows up (I believe I have a LOTR post annually queued up?), but this blog is on permanent hiatus

To all the friends I’ve made on this site, to all the people who’ve followed me, to those who’ve been there from the beginning, to those who more recently joined, thank you.  You’ve made this whole adventure fun and rewarding.  Thank you for sticking through the fandom mood swings, the shit posting, the frantic academic panics.  Thank you for your kindness  and support when I was down, thank you for your patience as I was growing up and figuring stuff out.  You are what I will miss most about this experience, you have made this troublesome site worth being on.

In sorrow we must go but not despair.  I encourage you all to stop by my blog or twitter and keep in touch.  I know there isn’t a lot of activity going on right now, but I’m going to try and pick it up once exams are over.  And for some reason or other, this is truly the last goodbye, then I am glad to have shared this road with you.  I wish you all happiness and joy, and perhaps one day, our paths may cross again.

The Road goes ever on and on Down from the door where it began. Now far ahead the Road has gone, And I must follow if I can.

I bid you all a very fond farewell.

-AJ

[kxlebcross]

[ even numbers for the weird asks, pleaseeee ]

me: has to google what are even numbers lol

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? lollipops, cuz after that i can munch on the lil lollipop stick too which keeps me busy lol

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? i know it totally doesn’t look like that but i used to be the class’ smart kid who participated in all kind of competitons and shit like that, was in the school choir, went to music school... so yeah, i was pretty much your average nerd, but then i grew up stewpid haha

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? a weird mix of tomboy and grunge, depending on the day and actual mood, weather and whatever the hell i got clean lol

8. movies or tv shows? movies - i usually lose interest in every series after like... 2-3 episodes? i only finished like 3-4 deries in my whole life so i guess the number speaks for itself

10. game you were best at in p.e.? i used to be pretty good at volleyball back then, though i was always considered too short to be on the school team haha 

12. name of your favorite playlist? am 4:44 with a little moon emoji, made by yours truly (aka me)

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? i don’t really eat sweets... but when i do i go for sour jellies but idk if that counts as candy haha

16. most comfortable position to sit in? have you ever saw one of those “bisexuals can’t sit normally” memes? pretty much all of those, i always sit in random poses until my back gives in, i don’t have a favorite position tho

18. ideal weather? the summer night’s warm weather with a little breeze, maybe with some clouds... but i usually enjoy rains and thunderstorms too unless i have to go out because then i’m like bruh

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? depends on what i have to write - for school notes i usually use a notebook and/or my laptop; for stories - my laptop or my phone’s notes if the inspiration gets me outside; everything else i’ll just write on random scraps of paper or in random notebooks just to never find them again haha

22. role model? i don’t really.... have one? i rather have a motto to live by but i don’t really look up to anyone tbh

24. favorite crystal? don’t have one, i dunno shit about crystals lol

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? go out for a nice walk or some drink with my friends, walk my cat outside or just chill on my balcony with a boo while terrorizing my neighbors with a randomly chosen edm playlist

28. five songs to describe you? human by sevdaliza badmind by kuzi scar by foxes throat full of glass by combichrist 5:3666 by machine gun kelly

30. places that you find sacred? uhhh..... i can’t really think of any that would fit here? but i never really step in weird plant formations in forests and shit like that, cuz better be safe than sorry

32. top five favorite vines? i literally only have one favorite vine and it’s the two guys chillin in a hot tub, thats it

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? every seasonal whiskas one because of the baby cats.... but other than that i haven’t seen an ad in ages, i don’t have tv and use adblock on pc haha

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? i...c an’t remember, it was probably one of the rage comics or trollface comics? can’t really recall tbh it was ages ago

38. lemonade or tea? lemonade, with lots of ice cubes and mint, give it to me pls

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? well in elementary some guy from the older classes took a sh*t then went to one of the classrooms to wipe his ass with the curtains there lol also some other time someone pissed out of the window on the first floor  in high school someone gassed the whole school with pepper spray, but like an insane amount, and everyone went immediately panic mode, police and firemen were called, the whole school evacuated..... and the one responsible for that had to pay like an insane amount of money for the police/fire dept. action haha

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? pants pockets, i don’t trust jacket pockets cuz they usually dont have a lil zipper to close them up and i’d totally lose my phone if i put it there, im stewpid like that

44. favorite scent for soap? orange-vanilla or some other citrus-y scent

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? anything oversized will do with some pants/underwear

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? probably a grapefruit, fucking bitter about everything lmao

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? once i laughed at a plastic bag being dragged around by the wind for like 10 minutes while being fucked up drunk... does that count?

52. favorite font? hands down times new roman

54. what did you learn from your first job? that the customer isn’t always right and that apparently i had a knack for putting down tiles

56. favorite tradition? does halloween count? i love halloween

58. four talents you’re proud of having? i’m a really good driver.... and i think that’s it? i really can’t come up with anything else... does being loud and obnoxious sometimes count? and i think i’m good enough with people too... and i think i’m a good listener? idk, i’m pretty useless tbh

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? give me the good old horror and make me the obnoxious side character who rarely ever speaks cuz no one ever asks them anything, that would pretty much resemble my actual life

62. seven characters you relate to? bojack horseman, sal paradise, loki from mcu, wednesday addams, oba yozo from no longer human, richie tozier, holden caulfield

64. favorite website from your childhood? club penguin! i wasted sooooo much time on there, sheesh....

66. favorite flower(s)? i really like succulents and ferns! and cactuses... or anything that’s low maintenance tbh

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? licorice... and also cucumber lemonade, gross

70. left or right handed? right

72. worst subject? i’m really bad with history and physics, i’m just way too dumb for those

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? around 9-10, i’m pretty much used to all my chronic pains and tbh i don’t like taking pain meds cuz i always have to take double because once i was misdiagnosed and spent almost a year on painkillers so barely anything works for me now... thanks public healthcare

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? fries... i’d love some now, i’m actually hungry 

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? coffee from gas station, now pretty much all of them have decent coffee machines and the prices are okay too and i definitely trust them more than any boxed sushi ever

80. earth tones or jewel tones? jewel

82. pc or console? i grew up as a pc kid and tbh never had the money for a console so i just got stuck with it haha

84. podcasts or talk radio? if i necessarily have to choose then podcasts

86. cookies or cupcakes? both as long as its witch choccie

88. your greatest wish? let’s be realistic - i’d like to have my own place and little car and cats and i’d be all good

90. luckiest mistake? drunk kissing this one guy from my esports team after telling him i was a lesbian and he told me he had a girlfriend, it was stewpid tho, lets not get back to it

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? sunlight and fairy lights, the latter necessarily in blue, it’s just neat and doesn’t bring in all the mosquitos at summer when i leave the window open

94. favorite season? spring

96. desktop background? some assassin’s creed logo fanart i’ve found on alphacoders

98. favorite historical era? i.... really...... hate....... history...... blame it on my middle school teacher who made me hate it lol

[skipbifferty-blog1]

Can’t Afford a New Computer Because of Software?

2018-05-02 11:38

Within the past couple months, several people have told me that---although they have computers that are old and behind the curve in performance,---they cannot afford a new computer because they will have to buy all the Microsoft programs like Word, Excel, Powerpoint, Outlook, and such, since they cannot be transferred legally (or practically) to a new computer, and that is hundreds of dollars of additional cost thus making it too expensive to upgrade.

Feeling 'locked-in' to expensive Micro$oft productivity suites in this era is simply unnecessary.  I have been using open-source, free alternative programs since before I got back from Germany, having experimented with converting while in Germany but still using Windows, and ultimately switching away from Windows to Linux around 2011.  But one does not have to leave Windows to use the open-source alternatives as most are available for Windows, Mac, and Linux, although I now much prefer Linux to Windows for a multiplicity of reasons.  Germany is a place where even slight additional cost is a killer in everything of life---which is why you never hear music in stores or restaurants, because of the royalty fees that must be paid to play it.  Most Germans I was acquainted with, turned to the alternative and free open-source programs more than a decade ago.  I finally took their cue and tried them.

Thus, it has now been over 10 years that I have been using the free alternatives to Microsoft offerings.  I can read other people's messages and documents and they can read mine.  All these alternative programs can save documents in a Microsoft compatible format.  I have even used the 'redlining' editing and correction features of the word processors, and sent corrected files back to the authors, who usually have no trouble opening and dealing with those modified documents.

If you're leery of leaving Microsoft, then just install the alternative programs on your current computer and try using them for a while.  That is what I did over in Germany.  They work, and do not require the hundreds of dollars M$ wants you to send them to activate their software which is nowadays preinstalled but disabled after a trial period on every computer you might buy.

When you use an Android phone, you are basically using Linux (a stripped down version), so if Android is your phone, you are already exposed to an alternative system.  iPhones are Mac OS-oriented, so if that is your phone, you are using yet another alternative to Windows, too.

I am currently upgrading to a new computer---a big Dell 17-inch touchscreen laptop that Costco was selling for an extremely good price, and which has AMD video that is about the only video card that will work properly when editing video.  I'm not going to say it is easy to install Linux as an operating system---one of the reasons computers are preinstalled these days, is because installing any operating system can be difficult, and both Apple and Microsoft have tried to eliminate the hassles encountered in using computers by preinstalling everything on the computer, so there are no hang-ups when you first turn a new computer on.

This is not the place to go into a detailed description of problems I encountered, but a little patience and willingness to try the different alternatives presented during installation has paid off.  I am a guy who brings computers to their knees.  Typically I run 3 desktops with email, calendar, daily calibre downloads for my Kindle (it functions to load my Kindle up with what are the equivalent of several daily newspapers), financial software tracking expenses, my Google Keep lists of grocery and to-do items, and general web browsing, all in desktop 1; the weather reporting tools and audio recording/editing for the daily weather reports I do for a community radio station in desktop 2; and radio automation software that runs 24/7 as an experiment in desktop 3, which feeds an MP3 server that sends the output of the automation to a LAN connection that I can access from anywhere in the house.

For the past 6 years, all of that has run on a small 13” notebook that is hooked into an external 27” monitor, keyboard, mouse, and professional speaker system.  My estimate is that any computer more than 5 years old is by then ancient technology (the notebook does not even have Bluetooth, which is now completely ubiquitous), so I try to upgrade every 5 years.  This change is actually overdue, and so are you if your computer is more than 5 years old.  I especially liked the portability of the smallish 13” computer, but video editing is nearly impossible with its incapable nVidia video card---which is fine for gaming, but absolutely terrible for video editing.  The 17” Dell came to my attention because of the AMD video card, and so I will have a much larger laptop for a while.  Not really what I wanted, but a necessary improvement for the video editing.

Those I have discussed the alternative of using productivity suites other than Microsoft, are literally very scared to leave Microsoft.  Again, I suggest just trying it on your current Windows computer first.  Once I installed the alternative programs while over in Germany and began using them, I never went back to the Microsoft ones.  Ever.  Not even tempted.

Here is a list of all the programs I use regularly:

**Evolution (Linux only) - email/calendaring substitute for M$ Outlook

**LibreOffice (all OS platforms)- substitute for Microsoft Office with word processing, spreadsheet, Powerpoint compatible alternative, drawing program which I use as a replacement for the now defunct M$ Publisher and which imports old M$ Publisher files, and a math program for statistics people

**Firefox - web browser with the following add-ons:  NoScript to prevent websites from reaching into your computer; AdBlock; Blacken to turn grey print solid black; One Tab, which allows saving tabs in a list when you have a bunch of tabs open; Video DownloadHelper which allows downloading video/audio files to your local computer.  Before the Quantum release of Firefox, I also formerly used Tab Mix Plus, which allows a lot of useful customization of Firefox, and Down Them All, which came in handy for things like downloading 30 episodes of “Danger Man” without having to manually do those one at a time. Hopefully those add-ons will eventually be made compatible with Quantum and later versions of Firefox.

**GnuCash - financial program similar to Quicken, but capable of double-entry accounting

**calibre - a Kindle organizing, library, and downloading program which allows converting practically any document into a Kindle file, and will also unlock files you paid for that often only work on a Kindle reader when you may have a Kobo or Nook reader---or in the other direction if you bought a book that only works on Kobo or Nook.  Additionally, I download several news sources daily, including BBC News, Washington Post, local TV news station feed, and several economic or industry blogs and newsletters related to my field that I can then read anywhere on my Kindle.

**Gimp - image editor similar to Photoshop, only far more flexible

**Xsane (Linux only) - a program that operates scanners

**Pidgin - a program similar to the old AOL Instant Messenger which can connect to many different messenger programs.  With cellphone texting, I have not used Pidgin for years.

**Audacity - an audio recording and editing program

**Cinelerra CV (Linux only) - video editing program

**gPodder - an automatic podcast downloader program.  I do not use gPodder since returning from Germany, where I commuted an hour each way to work on the train and listened to several news podcasts daily (primarily BBC).  If I listen to podcasts now, it is in the car and from my cellphone using the Bluetooth connection.

**puddletag (Linux only) - a Linux metadata tagging program for audio files similar to MP3Tag in Windows

**Rivendell (Linux only) - the radio automation program with many modules for creating logs, automatically downloading and carting up programs, and managing the audio library of radio stations

**Jackd and JackCTL - a patch panel program for routing audio to and from various programs

**VLC - the most universal and versatile video and audio player for computers ever, devised and maintained by French developers plus very lightweight in size

**wxMP3val - an analyzer for MP3 files to find quality problems

**Spotify Player - for Linux

**WINE - a Windows emulator program which I use to run Exact Audio Copy, a CD ripping program, and IrfanView, an image display and manipulation program that only work in Windows

**R - a very deep and complex program for math people like my son and used by statistics people for manipulation and publishing of math stuff, which includes access to special characters used only by math folks

Maybe there are those who need other programs, but for my work, the above fulfills all of my particular needs.  And in 7 years without Microsoft, I never miss it.  In fact, with no regrets at all, I blew away all the Windows stuff that was preinstalled on the new Dell.

All new computers come with Windows, and---as you can see---almost every program above can be loaded into a Windows computer, negating the need to send Microsoft any further money at all.  Try them on your old computer, then have no fear in going out and getting that new computer and saying, “bye, bye Micro$oft, I don’t need your pricey office suite anymore,” thus joining what I have done for well more than 7 years now.