#but also buck's subconscious using christopher and the promise of eddie to get buck to stay... almost like they're the only people

[chronicowboy]

absolutely fucking sexy insane to have buck not only summon christopher from texas (that's his son!) but to have him ask "can you help me find my dad" therefore having buck's subconscious actively seeking eddie out.

[hexensalbei]

why'd you only call me when you're high

find it on ao3

The pub isnʼt too crowded — itʼs Tuesday night after all — so he immediately spots a woman with gorgeous long, curly, ginger hair coming in. Itʼs her trademark, just like red lipstick and very high heels. Eddie must admit, she is very attractive and itʼs no wonder that many men and women turn their heads to check her out. Not to mention sheʼs working as a journalist in one of the most popular networks and sheʼs pretty recognisable by now. Sheʼs going in his — their — direction with a flirty smile on her face and Eddie wants to wipe it off from her face.

Thatʼs not how this evening was supposed to go.

It was supposed to be only him, Buck, Hen, Chim and Bobby. And maybe Probie. It was supposed to be their team finally hanging out outside of work. There was no place for Taylor Kelly.

Itʼs not like he hates her, he doesnʼt. Itʼs just... Complicated. Maybe if Taylor wasnʼt Buckʼs girlfriend, he wouldnʼt feel so annoyed every time he sees her. But sheʼs happily dating his best friend and Eddie has a hard time suppressing his jealousy.

“Since when sheʼs part of our team?” He grits his teeth and shoots an annoyed look at his best friend.  

“She had a tough day at work and she just finished so I thought it would help her relax.” Buck explains shyly, clearly surprised and hurt by Eddieʼs question. “Sorry, I should have told you earlier but I hope itʼs not a problem.”

“Course itʼs not. Taylor is welcome as long as she doesnʼt try to make another story about us.” Bobby interferes, turning his head slightly in Eddieʼs direction. He may have a small smile on his face but his eyes are filled with concern. Itʼs not usual for Eddie to express his disgust so openly. Heʼs not like Hen or Chim — who donʼt have any problem with saying something mean and honest — he usually keeps his opinions to himself. But when it comes to Buckʼs girlfriend, itʼs like he can't help but to snap at her whenever he has a chance. Itʼs especially worrying that Taylor really grew on the rest of the team since she reappeared in Buckʼs life. Even Bobby who had serious reasons not to trust her.

“Hi,” Taylor finally slides into the booth, kisses Buckʼs cheek and smiles at the rest of the team, “thanks for the invitation. Itʼs nice to see you again.”

Eddie tries not to roll his eyes because he doesnʼt want to upset his best friend who would definitely see it. He focuses on his beer bottle instead, promising himself that heʼd do the best to ignore Taylorʼs presence here. After all, itʼs only one evening, just a few hours and then he can go back to pretending that Buckʼs girlfriend doesnʼt really exist. Itʼs a good plan, it should be easy to stick with it because the reporter also seemed to be not a fan of him — they had kind of a mutual silent agreement to stay out of each otherʼs way and it was working quite fine. Besides, he can always go home early, using Christopher as an excuse. It wouldnʼt be the first time. But, for now, he stays.

—

The evening goes on and so are the beers they keep ordering (and Cola for Bobby and wine for Taylor). They are positively buzzed and it seems like everyone has a good time. Well, maybe except Eddie. Okay, maybe this whole evening is not a complete disaster — Bobby and Taylorʼs lively conversation about ice skating was really amusing to watch (heʼs still surprised how well those two get along) — but he canʼt entirely relax. He canʼt bring himself to participate in his teamʼs discussion, he mostly stays quiet and it earns him a bunch of worried looks from Buck (who sits right next to him). He does that a lot since the shooting and even more often since Eddie had told him about panic attacks. He also keeps touching him the entire evening — whenever itʼs a gentle pat on his knee or brush of their hands — and most of the touches are coincidental, subconscious like he senses that it brings Eddie comfort. And Eddie is really grateful for that, he really is. But he knows that this is the only thing he can get. Buckʼs in a relationship and Eddie doesnʼt really want to destroy it. Maybe he doesnʼt like Taylor but if sheʼs making his best friend happy, then he can swallow his jealousy and at least tolerate her.

—

Some time later Ravi proposes to join the karaoke and Buck, Hen and Chim easily agree. Eddie declines — heʼs really not in the mood — but they manage to convince Bobby. Taylorʼs nowhere in sight; she went to the bathroom a while ago and she still didnʼt come back so Eddieʼs all alone with his new pint of beer. He has a really good view from the seat heʼs in and he sees Hen and Chim at the scene and Buck, Ravi and Bobby cheering for them. He canʼt help but smile at the sight.

“Hi.” He hears and looks at Taylor who just sat across from him. She had a few glasses of wine but she looks totally unfazed and gracious as always, not like Eddie who definitely feels the effect of all of his beers.

He should have joined the rest of the team, he wouldnʼt be stuck here right now with a woman he canʼt stand.

“Hi.” He replies anyway, already breaking the promise to ignore her.

“Youʼre really not in the mood today, huh?” She asks, the corners of her mouth slowly lifting up into a smile. “Itʼs a funny coincidence that youʼre always not in the mood when Iʼm around.”  

“You pay me awfully a lot of attention for a person who doesnʼt like me.” Eddie strikes back. Heʼs a little bit drunk and thereʼs no Buck around so he doesnʼt need to bite his tongue and be polite.

“I donʼt. Buck does. He notices every shift in your mood.” Taylor answers, shrugging nonchalantly. “And he talks about you a lot. Itʼs always Iʼm worried about Eddie, I need to talk with Eddie, Eddie doesnʼt want to admit heʼs not okay. Itʼs not hard to notice that you are really off tonight, even for me.”

“Oh, so you talk about me? Donʼt you have better things to do? Like, I donʼt know, going on dates? Having sex or something?” Eddie asks sourly.

His question makes Taylor laugh heartily. She seems to be really amused by this and Eddie is confused why; he didnʼt say anything funny. He waits a little until Taylor regains control.

“Whatʼs so funny?”

“I thought Buck told you that we broke up.” She finally says, wiping tears from the corner of her eyes.

Eddie looks at her incredulously. He almost canʼt believe what he just heard — Buck didnʼt say a word about his break up and, frankly, itʼs a little bit concerning, considering that theyʼve always shared everything with each other, especially after the lawsuit. Okay, maybe he wasnʼt the best companion recently — but it didnʼt mean he wasnʼt able to listen to his best friend.

“It wasnʼt a surprise, though.” Taylorʼs voice pulls him out of his thoughts. Her smile is a little mischievous as if she knows that her words will leave Eddie only more stunned. “Our break up was to be expected right after he told me that you ended things with Ana. We broke up like few days after that.”

“I thought you guys were good. I mean, even tonight, you two are...” Eddie falls silent, trying to find good words but itʼs like his brain short-circuited after hearing the news. Why Buck hasnʼt told him about this? “You donʼt exactly look like a freshly broken up couple.”

“Oh, weʼre good. There was no drama. I think weʼve always known that it wasnʼt meant to be a serious relationship. Not when...”

Thereʼs a pause and Eddie can see that Taylor struggles to find right words, that she actually wonders if she should say something more. Itʼs unusual for her because she always seems to know what to say and now sheʼs just speechless.

“I think... I think that you know too, deep down, what was the real reason why we broke up.” She finally admits.

“I donʼt, I have no — ”

“Oh, please, Eddie.” She interrupts him, slightly annoyed by his denial. “Itʼs obvious. It was obvious from the start but I donʼt think I should speak for Buck. He should be the one to tell you this.”

Despite what the reporter says, Eddie has no clue; her words sound quite ominous and he starts to worry that something is really wrong with his best friend. Heʼs still bothered by the fact that Buck hasnʼt told him about the break up and that their friendship might be failing and he didnʼt even notice.

“Edmundo, donʼt think too much.” Taylor once again disrupts his inner crisis and he looks up at her. Sheʼs not smiling now, she looks almost concerned as if she fears she said too much. “Let me ask... Why did you break up with Ana? For the record, Buck only told me you two broke up and didnʼt say anything else.”

Eddie takes a sip of his beer, wondering if he even wants to open up to Taylor Kelly, someone who he deeply disliked. Or, at least, thatʼs what he thought until now. Heʼs not entirely sober, he hasnʼt really talked about his break up and his complicated feelings for Buck with anyone, Buckʼs not there — but Taylor is, ready to listen.

“I will probably regret this once Iʼm sober.” He sighs heavily.

“I promise not to blackmail you in the future.” The redhead grins, placing hand on her chest. “Whatever you say, itʼs safe with me.”

Eddie remains silent for another while, nervously tapping at his glass. He steals a few quick glances at Buck, whoʼs currently on scene, singing along with Probie. He looks happy, relaxed — and he smiles widely when he catches Eddieʼs stare.

“Do you know that feeling when you meet someone, thereʼs some kind of connection between them... They are perfect on paper. Good wife material, loves your kid, your parents would absolutely love them... Itʼs literally the perfect fit and you date for months. And you feel absolutely nothing?”

“Canʼt say Iʼve been there but I imagine how hard it must have been for you.”

“It was.” Eddie sighs. “Iʼve been trying. I was trying so hard to make it work. To fall in love with Ana. But I just... Couldnʼt. Even though she spent hours in the hospital with me. She was sweet, patient, very understanding. I should have fallen for her and the only thing I did was to freak out in the middle of the day, in the shop because someone assumed she was Christopherʼs mother. I literally had a panic attack because I couldnʼt picture her as a part of my family. I almost had another panic attack when she came by the station with Christopher and Ravi assumed weʼre married. I think the only reason I didnʼt fully freak out was because Buck was here.” He lets out a humourless laugh. “We talked about it and he said some things that made me wonder... And I broke up with her once I got home. I feel relieved now but I also feel guilty because Christopher lost another person in his life. He had some troubles with adjusting to the new situation and it took him time to like Ana and now sheʼs already gone from his life because I just couldnʼt fall in love with her.”

“I had an occasion to talk with Christopher only once — when Buck threw a welcoming party for you — and I think youʼre underestimating your son. He might have liked Ana but heʼs old and smart enough to understand why sheʼs gone.” Taylor says honestly. This is the first time they talk so openly and Eddie is pleasantly surprised that sheʼs not mocking him, that she seems to actually listen to him. “Besides, I think that heʼd mourn this loss quickly if it meant that two oblivious idiots would finally get together.”

Eddie stares at her like a deer caught in the spotlight.

“Iʼve never said anything about — ”

“Donʼt insult my intelligence by finishing the sentence.” The redhead interjects, a small smile appearing on her face once again. “You donʼt have to say it all out loud. Your face says everything. Your eyes say everything and your son knows about it too. In fact, he said to me that he likes me — and Ana too — but Buck belongs with you two. And I agree with him.”

After that, she falls silent and Eddie doesnʼt say a word either. Heʼs analysing her words; itʼs a surprise for him — not that he loves Buck — but the fact that apparently people who know them both know it too, including Christopher. He has known that heʼs in love with for quite a while. He became aware of his feelings somewhere between being shot and telling Buck about his will. It was terrifying at first and he didnʼt want to admit it — and he was still trying to make things work with Ana but eventually, he had to admit that this relationship was doomed from the start. Buckʼs words just helped him break up with Ana and it was a real relief. He could truly say then heʼs in love with his best friend. The worst thing was that he couldnʼt tell Buck about it. He didnʼt feel the same, he was in a relationship with a woman and Eddie really didnʼt want to lose another person, especially that important to him and Christopher. So, he was doing everything in his power to be only a good friend. But now, after Taylorʼs revelations...

“I love him. Like... Really, really love him.” He blurts it out suddenly and, somehow, it doesnʼt feel awkward or cringy, itʼs liberating. “I want to be with him, I want him to be part of our family. He already is but I want everyone to know about it. I want him to know that heʼs ours and me and Christopher love him. But I donʼt... Iʼm not sure if he... Taylor, why did you say I know why he broke up with you?”

“Why do you think, Eds?” He hears Buckʼs voice behind and he turns around so abruptly, he feels pain in his neck. Panic and embarrassment starts to rise in his chest. He was so focused on his talk with Taylor that he didnʼt even notice Buck leaving the scene. He was sure that his best friend was still there, still far enough to not hear his drunken confession.

“How... How long have you been there?” He asks almost sheepishly; heʼs afraid to look up and see Buckʼs face, his reaction. Instead, he looks at Taylor, who seems to be highly amused by the situation. “You knew heʼs coming there and you didnʼt say a word?”

“I didnʼt want to interrupt you.” She shrugs. “And it looked like you needed to say it out loud. But I think itʼs my cue to leave.” She adds and winks at both Buck and Eddie, taking her purse and joining the rest of the 118 on stage.  

Buck takes a seat abandoned by Taylor seconds ago and Eddie finally looks at him. His best friend looks as handsome as always — his hair totally messy and curly, which rarely happens, his cheeks reddened, his eyes shining with anticipation — and thereʼs no trace of disgust or fear in his expression.

“Are you gonna answer my question?” The blonde asks, his lips twitching slightly like heʼs really trying not to grin widely.

“Technically, you didnʼt answer my question too.” Eddie answers.

“Right. You want a lie or a truth? Because I could say that I didnʼt hear anything if it would make you feel better.”

“No. I want the truth.”

“I heard everything. And, to answer your question, I broke up with Taylor because sheʼs not the one I love. Sure, sheʼs fun, smart, sexy but I donʼt love her, she doesnʼt love me and it would never work because Iʼve been in love with my best friend and I love his kid too and Iʼd love nothing more than to be a part of their family.”

Buckʼs words make him almost dizzy. He canʼt tear his gaze away from his best friend, he almost canʼt believe that his feelings are mutual, that he can have this. He smiles widely for the first time this evening; he feels insanely happy for the first time in months — because now heʼs not worried about the future.

“Youʼve been my family for years, Evan. God, it really took me a long time to realise that Iʼm in love with you. And even longer to say it.” Eddie laughs. Heʼs suddenly aware that Buck is too far from him and he fixes it by changing the seats. He also realised that now he can do what he wanted to do for months, if not years. He cradles Buckʼs face in his hands and gently brushes his lips as if heʼs testing the waters. Buck doesnʼt shy away, he takes the lead and deepens the kiss.

“Iʼve never told you but I like it when you call me Evan.” Buck admits when they eventually break apart. “I usually donʼt let people call me by my name but... I might even like it when you say it.”

They are still very close to each other, Eddieʼs hand still on Buckʼs face, softly caressing his cheek. He knows itʼs probably totally cheesy and disgustingly sweet but he doesnʼt care as long as Buck enjoys it too.

“What do you think about going home then, Evan? Christopherʼs definitely asleep but he will be so excited to see you. We could have our lazy pancake breakfast.” Eddie proposes. “And you would no longer sleep on the couch but in my bed.”

“Youʼre so sure Iʼd jump into your bed right away and you didnʼt even take me on a date yet.” Buck teases even though Eddieʼs proposition made him even happier than he was seconds ago.

“Oh please, you wonʼt be able to take your hands off me. You were always spooning me when we were quarantining together and I doubt it would change. Technically, I was the one jumping into your bed then but it was a really nice feeling.”

“Youʼre such a softie, Diaz. Thatʼs probably why I love you so much.” Buck laughs and Eddieʼs sure he will never get tired of hearing that.

—

When Eddie wakes up in the morning, heʼs afraid — only for a couple of seconds — to open his eyes and face reality. His fear quickly disappears when he realizes that he feels Buckʼs hand on his waist, his whole body nestled to his back; he hears Buckʼs calm, even breathing and —

Itʼs all real. Last night really happened, it wasnʼt only Eddieʼs drunken dream. They both told each other about their feelings and they went together to Eddieʼs home. Christopher was asleep but Carla was still awake and she wasnʼt even slightly surprised when she noticed their intertwined hands. She only said that she was happy that Eddie followed his heart and hugged them both tightly. When she headed out, they checked on Christopher and then, they went to Eddieʼs bedroom. Somehow, they managed to take a shower (separately) and just went to bed. A couple of make-out sessions they fell asleep, completely content and fulfilled. During the night Buck ended up spooning Eddie — but Eddie would never complain about it.

Now, totally awake, Eddie shifts carefully his position to be able to see Buckʼs face. His boyfriend is still asleep and he looks very peaceful and relaxed. Eddie looks at his messy curls (he takes a mental note to tell Buck later that he should embrace them instead of keeping them in check), obscenely long eyelashes, light scruff and these full lips he couldnʼt stop kissing yesterday and he thinks that this is the sight he can get addicted to very quickly.

He feels like heʼs the luckiest man in the world. After that messy marriage with Shannon, awkward relationship with Ana, heʼs finally with someone whom he can fully trust, who can understand him without saying a word, who always has his back. And who loves Christopher unconditionally. Eddie comes to the conclusion that moving to LA was one of the best decisions heʼs ever made. Heʼs amazed by how quickly theyʼve become such great friends, how Buck has matured through the years, how Buck has made him believe heʼs a good man, good father, how he has taught him that being vulnerable doesnʼt mean being weak. Eddie loves him for it and he knows that Buck doesnʼt even realize how amazing he is and this is something Eddie is planning to change.

Since heʼs allowed to freely touch him, Eddie takes advantage of it whenever he can — and he starts to softly kiss Buckʼs birthmark right above his eye and then slowly move lower, to his lips.

“What did I do to deserve your affection?” He hears Buckʼs voice, still hoarse from sleep.

“Just being yourself. And I like kissing you.” Eddie answers and he flashes a very sweet smile at Buck when he notices that his boyfriend finally opened his eyes.

“Youʼre so sweet that I donʼt need pancakes to make my morning — ”

Buck doesnʼt get a chance to finish the sentence because they both hear the sound of door opening and thereʼs only one person who could get in Eddieʼs bedroom.

“Oh, shit. Should I hide somewhere?” Buck asks in a whisper, suddenly very panicked and stressed but Eddie covers his hand with his.

“Buck. I donʼt think you have to hide. Itʼs Christopher. Who wants us together. He will be thrilled to see us together. Okay, maybe I didnʼt think heʼd come here and see us together in bed but... Itʼs not like weʼre naked or having sex. Itʼs gonna be okay.” He reassures Buck, giving him a one quick kiss before Christopher enters the room.

“Morning, Dad.” He says cheerfully and heʼs about to add something else when he notices that his dad is not alone, that he is accompanied by Buck and it makes Chris smile even more. “Buuuucky! I didnʼt know youʼre here!”

“Hey, Superman. I didnʼt know Iʼd be there too but, you know, I talked with your dad and here we are. I hope itʼs not a bad surprise.”

Christopher looks at Buck with a total bewilderment.

“Youʼre always a good surprise. Can I join you? And does that mean weʼre going to get pancakes if youʼre here?” He asks and Buck relaxes a little bit because Chris is excited to see him — as always — and it totally makes his heat melt. He shifts his position and then helps Christopher sit on the bed comfortably between him and Eddie. The kid seems to be absolutely not surprised and unfazed by seeing them both in bed, just happy to see his Bucky again.

“I convinced Buck to make us pancakes today.” Eddie smiles and looks at his son. Heʼs really sure that Chris will be truly happy to find out that he and Buck finally got together. “Remember our talk after I broke up with miss Flores?”

“Yup. But why are you asking me that?” Christopher looks confused for a moment but then, he instantly lightens up as if he figured it out and he looks at Buck and then at his dad. “Does it mean Bucky is with us and heʼs gonna live with us?”

“Yes, pretty much. Me and Buck... Weʼre together now. And maybe if we will do puppy eyes, he agrees to move in here very soon.”

“Buck, you have to live with us, youʼre a Diaz now and family always live together.” Christopher says very seriously and he indeed does the puppy eyes — just like his dad — and Buck is totally stunned by his reaction. He has never expected to be this happy, content, he has never imagined that one day heʼd have a family on his own and be so loved — but this is his reality now — and he doesnʼt want to let it go.

“I canʼt say no to my favourite Diaz.” He finally says, ruffling Christopherʼs hair. “But first, letʼs go and make breakfast and then weʼll think about moving, okay?” He asks Chris and when he sees a nod, he look at Eddie whoʼs really pleased with himself. “Very smooth, Edmundo, very smooth. You did know that I wouldnʼt say no to Chris, didnʼt you?”

“Babe, we both know that you canʼt say no to both of us and you want it as much as we do.”

“Glad weʼre on the same page then.”

“Always.”