#but also im like 'is it really that compelling or is the fatigue clouding my gaze and making it seem better than it is'

[orcelito]

At this point

I'm almost done with the chapter

But I am so desperately tired

There is no way I can edit through 23k words and have it live up to the quality I'd like it to be

So it seems like the update won't happen tonight. And it won't happen tomorrow.

But it is approaching.

[hornsandthings]

miles to go before i sleep

pairing: jasper hale x reader

summary: jasper just wishes he could sleep again. he realises that the closest he’d ever get to something akin to that is through spending nights with his s/o, for they offer an escape from the fast-paced nature of his life.

warnings: fluff & maybe a bit of angst. 

word count: 801.

a/n: lets bring back twilight 2k18 amirite (ps. im working on another connor imagine my friends. evidently, i love soft boys)

          fatigue was something jasper had not felt in a long time. sometimes he missed the ability to be swept away to a type of oblivion, a softer oblivion whose entrance didn’t require the consumption of human blood. being awake for centuries, never being able to escape from the heightened senses or responsibilities – mentally, it was exhausting.

         the longing for sleep intensified after he met you. you’d curl up in his arms on snowy winter nights, wrapped in extra layers of warmth to combat jasper’s cold skin. the sight of you bundled in swaths of jumpers and blankets always put a smirk on his face; eventually he warmed a little too if he pressed himself close enough to you. he could only faintly feel the heat, but at least he wouldn’t forget what it feels like, even if he was only experiencing a small extent of its true intensity. a hint of envy, a hint of jealousy at your ability to switch off, but mostly there was simply a pining within jasper.

         during the long stretches of night, a wholesome calm came over him; partly influenced by your own peaceful feelings during sleep. this always tugged at him – he was still working on navigating his emotions, and others’ for that matter, but once he identified your feelings of safety and contentment when you were held by him, it had almost scared him into walking away. the thirst would always plague him. despite having adjusted to the cullens’ vegetarianism, having been surrounded by humans’ smell for years, it was always at the back of jasper’s mind, sometimes even manifesting as a tickle in his throat. he didn’t tell anyone for fear of confirming his own selfishness and weakness – for even edward had become used to bella’s smell, and most of his family could tolerate the sight of human blood; a scene which he could barely tolerate on a good day.

         for you, though, jasper had decided he’d persevere against his damned nature if it meant he could hold you through rainy evenings and misty mornings. before, he didn’t bother to distinguish day from night – for what did it matter if you were awake for it all? but now, he’d taken to closing his eyes when he lay with you, almost pretending to sleep. at first it had felt a little pathetic, but feeling your warmth against his chill, the evenness of your breath and the steadiness of your heartbeat; it compelled him into that hazy state of mind, something that wasn’t quite tiredness but not complete alertness either. the fighting, the hunting, years of bearing the burden of others’ emotions – it could all finally be sidelined, if only for a little while.

         he liked it; savoured it. he also found that it could only be reached when he was with you.

         one time you had asked him how he got through the nights, having nothing really to do while you slept. it had been a sleepless one for you; and the question was asked in the early hours of dawn, when the light was still dim. wrapped up in blankets and each other, jasper looked down at you, some of his blond hair falling across his beautiful golden-yellow eyes. it was some time before he answered, the silence not unusual to you.

         “well,” he drawled, a small smile playing at his features, “usually i’m up thinkin’, ‘bout you and everythin’ else. but sometimes i try to sleep too.” he saw your brows furrow in confusion, and he knew that in another life, a blush would now be dusting his cheekbones. “i can’t, obviously, but you, darlin’, make me feel as if i could,” he paused, voice dropping to a murmur as he looked down to intertwine your hands, “i just want a break from it all.”

         he was still idly playing with your fingers and avoiding eye contact when you lifted your hands to cup his jaw, placing a tender kiss upon his lips. his response, gentle as always, was infused with subtle kind of sadness, spurring you to kiss him just a little bit harder. you didn’t know if anything, let alone you, could help mend the damage maria had inflicted upon his heart, but you always endeavoured to try.

         with a shaky sigh, he moved to rest his head in the crook of your neck, tightening his arms around your waist as he breathed you in. “just wanna fall asleep with you,” he mumbled into your skin, deep and smooth and barely audible to your human ears. running your hand through his hair, you whispered words of love to him as the clouds passed across the sky, jasper acknowledging your affections with occasional squeezes and caresses.

         he knew that he’d always treasure nights with you; things were quieter, warmer, slower. he needed that, and he needed you.