#but as it turns out they are simply a bunch of Fuckin Weirdos for NO REASON and it's SO FUNNY

[uniformbravo]

i love tsurune i love tsurune i love tsurune i love tsurune i

[shadaofallthings]

An Alfabusa Fan's Retrospective

So, lets start out easy with where I started: Like many people it was with "If The Emperor Had A Text To Speech Device". The first few episodes really betray how it all began: A bunch of /tg/ nerds (or at least /tg/ adjacent) fucking around making in lore jokes about how pissed the Emperor would be. You can tell very quickly though that something changed. They stop using slurs by like the 5th episode (or at least real life ones that still are being used to harm people). And then eventually all those bits of "Haha gay people" were recycled into a slow burn, likely gonna be tragic arc of two people who never had a chance to be together falling for each other. And of course, the custodes being given the "Its not cause you are gay, its not even cause you like showing your muscles off, its cause you are an asshole" treatment". It was fun to watch this silly parody turn into a real plot that wanted you to take it at least somewhat serious. It was also honestly pretty touching to see the creators become more aware people and to see things previously used for cheap jokes turn into real drama, instead of just a bunch of jokes where the punchline is a slur. And then there's Hunter the Parenting. See, TTS was in a lot of ways a test run. It might not have been that originally, but it was where a lot of the growth as artists that the crew went through happened. It was also their test run for making things bright and cheery and even fun without qualifier in a grimdark setting. But Hunter the Parenting is what they made with all that knowledge already in the bag. And WOW does it fuckin do it well. Its got action, mystery, intrigue, interpersonal drama, a canon gay couple who are totally not Kitten and Magnus made into normal people and who are canonically gay at each other in the first episode. Its also one giant mess of WoDfans kinda knowing what's happening behind the scenes and the authors making it even more fun when they give us more hints that imply its way bigger than what we began to imagine. There's something for everyone, aside from the homophobes, and that's beautiful in my eyes. And then there's Zero Viscosity. The Halflife Fanfic I didn't know I needed but now am excitedly wanting more of. They got the vibes down perfect, they know more lore than I ever will about that series, and they are having fun with the narrative sandbox that valve constructed for themselves. Its deeply fun to see the differences in perspectives at play between characters, and that punkish vibe of a bunch of weirdos society would reject under any other circumstances slowly finding themselves in situations where heroism is necessary.

Over all, Alfabusa content has been a wild ride where the people behind the name seem genuinely interested in being better people and making better and better work. It shows in the timeline of their work clearly, and I am excited to see where it goes in the future. They are some of the few creatives that can immediately and heavily get me invested in something new before I even see it and its cause they simply do not fucking miss with their core shit, and even when they miss with the peripherals they always try to make up for it. The list of people who can say that in my mind is fucking tiny and they are up there on it.

[crabonfire]

Stupid and dumb tf2 headcannons cause I somebody do these on tiktok and they rile me up

Pyro regularly goes to strip clubs and he would fucking clap at the strippers like "😊👏👏" because he's a weirdo and I love it, demoman and Soldier would go too, both wanting to have a good time but soldier would probably be more impressed at how flexible they can be instead of everything else

They have movie nights where they vote and scout chooses action every single time while most mercs would want something else, they accuse him of being scared because he never ever chooses horror and he's like "pfft, no! Horror is just...lame to me." And engie snorts and was like "Yeah okay buddy." So they watched horror that night to prove it to him and surprisingly he was composed during it, but he didn't sleep that night, or the coming nights until he finally convinced himself it was just a movie and nobody was living in his closets.

Spy is a little too into weapons. One time when they all got a crate of weapons they had all been wanting when it came to his crate bro was practically SAVORING the knives and guns he was holding, he was sputtering French compliments while he was CARESSING those weapons. Everybody was so weirded out Sniper had to tell him to cut it out. He simply said that he was "impressed" by the refined beauty of said weapons. (if he starts moaning over those guns don't be surprised)

They also have game nights, it was scouts idea. Usually only Pyro, Engineer, Demoman, Soldier would join, while others would be spectating. They always go the same way, the game starts out simple, Engineer starts arguing with Soldier because he's not playing right, they start fighting and it turns into a bet to see who will win this time. Pyro and demoman will continue the game with Scout because they are so used to this, while Medic will cheer and egg them on. Spy would be like, "Look at you two, fighting like a bunch of children." But he finds it sooo entertaining.

Barbecue nights with engie!

Sniper smells like ASS. Anytime he's at the base, somebody has to remind him to shower, and he gets so embarrassed he's like, "Shit. Sorry." And just speedwalks to the shower rooms. When he comes back, he uses an insane amount of shampoo and cologne, so he actually smells really good afterwards. He's used to his own bad smell so he never actually notices.

Spy has greasy fucking hair. Like seriously, does he even wash that baklava? I don't think so (that voice line from Ms pauling proves me right) he's a man thay takes care of his physical attributes yes, but he doesn't ever find a need for his hair because he never takes that damn thing off, only when he showers and sleeps, that's it.

If for example, your dating him and after a while you want to see him without it, he's handsome yeah omggg so cute but GOD FUCKING DAMNNN THAT FUCKING HAIR MASHAALLAHHH brother wtfffff you have to shower with him and clean out his hair from him. He's like "it's not that big of a deal seriously" but after you wash it and it becomes soft and conditioned he becomes embarrassed realising how bad it really was. (Also, he probably has mask lines if it's been hot and he's been wearing it for too long)

Engineer has a shameful addiction of sweets. Like, I feel like he stress eats especially when his inventions go wrong and I have a headcannon back in uni when he was studying, since he was already so smart the MOMENT something was not perfect he would freak the fuck out and start eating chocolate so aggressively like

"What's wrong with this damn thing om nom mommmfh fuckin- mmmomom"

After he graduated and became a merc, since he got better and perfected his craft (for the most part) this rarely occurred, when it does tho, just know he's stepping out of his workshop, going to a gas station and buying so much candy. (This only happens when it's REALLY bad though.)

Heavy actually really likes American food. He thought he'd hate it, but he doesn't find it that bad. He likes cheeseburgers and steaks, very yummy. Medic doesn't like it when he eats them because they can be a tad bit unhealthy, but he's happy that it makes him happy.

Medic got into birds when he was young, feel like he had a bird feeder as a kid outside his house and would like to observe them from his window, when it got cold he'd offer them a place inside and ended up having bonds with them. Archimedes and his doves reminds him of childhood, a simpler time.

[texasthegreatdestroyer]

And I’m back, Mother fuckers! And I’ve got a blog update!

Now that I have a little more free time once again, I’ve got some news. So let’s get the main thing out of the way. I’m done with the Sims 4 anti paywall Community. They’re a bunch of team killing fucktards, and they’re gonna eat themselves alive, and uh, as a good song once said. “I have no fucks to give, my fucks have run a-dry!”. Worst case scenario, if shit hits the fan, and we end up back at square 1 with EA, where they aren’t enforcing their policies, and CC creators are illegally profiting off of their content, I’ll do what I did before I found the anti paywall evidence community. I’ll pay for tiers, nab the content, and leak it with burner accounts. Point is, I couldn’t give less of a shit about the morons in that particular community. Karma is a real fuckin bitch, and everyone’s gonna get what’s coming to them eventually. It’s just a matter of time. P.S. There’s also been a lot of discourse since a bunch of screenshots dropped by Mack, and everyone’s bitching about how she was being dumb for it, and irresponsible, and I have to laugh at those people. Since she’s not online anymore, I might as well spill the tea for ya. Yes. We’ve been talking off of tumblr. She blocked me on tumblr, something I personally told her to do, because it wasn’t worth her getting dragged into my shit, but eh. It happened anyways. What can you do? News flash my guys. People don’t have to shun others just to make you feel better about yourselves. If you think that way, then all I can really do is tell ya to fuck right off. Like seriously, sit the fuck down, Diet Mean Girls, Virgina George will always do it better than you, simply because she’s prettier and smarter. Regardless, yes, we had been talking behind the scenes. I knew she was going to drop the screenshots. She was in the middle of actively investigating that shit, got tired of everyone’s bullshit, dropped the screenshots, and left like a fuckin mad lad. So please do continue to bitch about how the dropping of the Harrie legal threat ring screenshots was done irresponsibly, because literally it’s a bunch of people losing their minds over shit they caused to happen in the first place, lol. It’s fucking comedy gold. You want things handled sensitively and responsibly, maybe don’t treat the person doing it like a punching bag. That in mind, I’m doing a content shift, and when I say content shift, I mean I’ll be going back to my roots. I’ll be returning to the writing and drawing aspect of my blog that it had been the majority of this account’s time on tumblr. It’ll range between regular and random art, fandom stuffs, as well as my own original works. Maybe even the occasional Sim, CC recolor, and house build as Sims 4 has become one of my primary creative outlets. I’ll also be looking through my followers, looking for iffy accounts, and removing them from my blog. Mostly because I know there are individuals who’d love to sit there and look over my account every second of the day like the fucking schizo lunatic they are (They will not be named, because I’m not drawing more attention to them than I need to, if you know, you know.), might as well clear out the weirdos that are either leaking them shit from my account, or allowing them to even look over my account, as well as ultimately burn some unneeded bridges. If I get asks about certain things in regards to anti paywall stuff, I’ll still respond so long as it’s to that and nothing else, but otherwise, I’m not going out of my way to be apart of community structurally built on selfishness that attracts fake ass bitches. (Yeah. I see some of you stupid hoes in the back who were originally holding the same stances as myself, only turning your back on them when they weren’t popular anymore. I suppose I’m not surprised in a community where the figure heads are a bunch of pick me girls.) I want to do my own shit again, speak on shit that interests me, and post my creations. If that ain’t your kind of content, then I’d unfollow. Otherwise, that’s it folks. Expect a change in content.

[writerofshit]

(I mentioned briefly a story of how the Stream Team met. This is that story.)

Somewhere in Los Santos, in the late night hours of a Tuesday, a convenience store is robbed. So is one several blocks southeast. And one roughly in the middle of them both. After all, what's more convenient than 24 hour chili dogs on every other street corner?

Cash. Cash is more convenient. So are guns. Hollering, waving one to get the other. Most important, back alleys that twist and turn, snaking away from increasingly distant sirens. Three individuals find themselves running through these alleys, a couple grand each weighing their pockets down.

It's through serendipity and convenience that their paths cross.

The man from the farthest store arrives first. He's done this a few more times than he'd like to admit, so he'd had a plan. Of sorts. Cut through the park, take a few sidewalks like an upstanding citizen, under the bridge and find a fire escape to utilize from there. There aren't any that reach the ground, of course, because he's smart but not quite enough.

And so this is why Trevor is standing in an dark alley, contemplating whether or not the dumpster will give him enough height to reach the ladder, when the man from the middle store appears. He's around Trevor's height, but would probably win in a fight between them, if he were so inclined. He doesn't seem to be, though. He seems shaken, like he's not quite sure how he ended up in this alley. He's holding a gun almost gingerly, as if it might bite him.

Trevor pulls his own gun.

'dont you fuckin' try anything!'

This does not go over well with Matt. He takes a step back, and then seems to remember that he also has a gun so maybe this is even footing. He holds it aloft, finger nowhere near the trigger.

'same, asshole!'

At this moment the robber from the first store arrives, also, of course, with a gun. And a mask. And an entire purple and orange neon fucking suit, actually, topped with a white cowboy hat. It gives them a few extra inches of height they are distinctly lacking, comparatively. Somewhere in the back of his head, Trevor acknowledges that this newcomer could probably kick his and the other gunman's asses. It is not a pleasant thought.

'oh, what the fuck!?'

Jeremy sounds more annoyed and less scared than one would think, considering they've run into an alley only to find two men with guns. Two men who quickly turn those guns on them.

'who the fuck are you?'

The question surprises them all, including Matt, even though he's the one who asked. As it turns out, people have a tendency to say the first thing that comes to mind when in a stressful situation. Such as, having robbed a convenience store for the very first time and immediately finding himself face to face with other apparent robbers. It would get to anyone, probably.

'i don't want any trouble, but i've already robbed someone tonight and i don't give a shit about felony murder!'

Two lies and a truth, is what Trevor has chosen to play, for some reason. In reality, one does not rob a convenience store at gun point if one is intent on staying out of trouble. And he does, in fact, care very deeply about felony murder. Felony murder is the precise reason he'd shot a bag of Doritos and not a clerk. In his defense, the clerk had initially rolled her eyes at him, asked what exactly he thought he'd get out of this. He'd found this question rude.

The truth, of course, is that he did rob a convenience store. That did happen. No take backs.

'so did i!'

Matt and Jeremy speak so in unison it's almost scary. If they didn't know any better, they'd think the two of them had always known each other.

Trevor's gun wavers between them, unsure which is the bigger threat. The guy who clearly has zero experience with guns, or the weirdo who seems to have far too much? It's a toss up, really. So his aim pinballs back and forth, but his finger does not curl around the trigger. He's serious about that felony murder thing.

The air seems to shift, suddenly, and the sound of sirens is now growing closer. This evidently also annoys Jeremy, and they throw a glance over their shoulder to the direction they'd come from. Red and blue lights flicker past.

'shit. ok. we're all robbers, i guess, and we're all fucked if we keep standing here. who's got a plan?'

Jeremy's eyes are staring impatiently at Trevor. Eyes being the only part of their face Trevor can see. And their hands, a plastic bag in one and a gun in the other.

Trigger finger is an apt name.

He glances at Matt, still wild eyed and glancing back and forth. No, Matt probably does not have a plan. He sort of gives the impression that he's never had a plan ever, actually. That perhaps he'd simply woken up here and decided to wing it. So Trevor makes an offer.

'fire escape?'

There's another moment of tense silence. Well, minus the sirens. And oh, helicopters. Even better. Jeremy shrugs.

'good a plan as any.'

And then they're off, brushing past Trevor and hoisting themself up onto the dumpster. He knew it could work. Trevor blinks and Jeremy has caught the ladder, is quickly working their way up. Shit, how does five foot something manage to get that high on a good day, much less in this situation and with a bag and gun in hand?

Matt's gun clatters to the ground, and honestly, that's probably for the best. He's climbing onto the dumpster now, and he mutters something about not signing up for this shit. Trevor reminds him that he apparently robbed someone, so yeah, he kind of did.

Before Trevor climbs up, he shoves his gun into his jacket pocket. Smart? Probably not. Convenient? More so than climbing with a gun in his hand. He follows Matt up the ladder, wondering what happened to his plan. Yeah, the ladder had been involved. Two other people, however, were not.

Above them, glass shatters.

'warning, maybe!?'

'oops. careful, there's glass.'

Jeremy's voice is no longer directly above them. Instead, it comes from one story up and a little to the left. So they've broken into an apartment. Sure, add breaking and entering to the list of charges, that sounds great. But Matt and Trevor follow, because there's not really another option.

Inside the apartment, Jeremy's mask is gone. The suit is quickly disappearing as well, revealing a rather boring outfit of a white tank top and...sweatpants? The true mystery lies in where the cowboy hat has gone to, because that's a hard item to miss.

'do we really have time for this? don't you think someone might, oh, i don't know, wake up and call the cops?'

Trevor doesn't mean to hiss, it's just that he's sure there's more pressing matters to attend to than an outfit change. Continuing to flee, perhaps.

'nobody's gonna wake up.'

They don't even have the wherewithal to lower their voice. It registers to Trevor that Jeremy's bag and gun are missing as well. Had they dropped them on the way up? It was certainly possible. Trevor thinks he would have noticed a gun flying past his head, but there's a lot going on.

'can we maybe not kill anyone? he brought up a good point with that felony murder thing.'

It's the most words Matt has strung together since he'd shown up. It's damn near a whisper, but at least it's progress.

'i'm not- god, can you two shut up? i gotta make a phone call.'

Jeremy yanks the door open, hand carefully wrapped in the fabric of their shirt. For a moment, Trevor thinks they're leaving and steps forward to follow Jeremy. Instead, Jeremy turns and heads toward the kitchen, pulling open a drawer and digging inside it briefly. They come back with a cell phone.

Something dawns on Trevor.

'is this- do you live here? did you break your own window?'

Jeremy doesn't answer. They put the phone to their ear.

'you're gonna wanna hide whatever you've got. and try not to look like you just climbed in through a window.'

And then-

'hello? yes, hi, i'd like to report a break in, i think? i was hearing a bunch of sirens and then i don't know what happened but some guy just broke my window? he ran through and i just- my friends and i are really scared and we didn't know what to do- yes, we're ok, he's gone, but we- you'll send someone? ok, thank you. the address? oh, uh, it's the del perro heights building, apartment 7. should i shut the door? no, don't touch anything. ok- guys, don't touch anything, she said someone's on their way to check on us! thank you so much- no, i think we'll be fine. thank you.'

It's a marvelous performance. Jeremy genuinely sounds like some poor flustered victim of a crime. Trevor would applaud if he thought Jeremy would appreciate it. Almost immediately, their voice is back to normal.

'check things out my ass. they're gonna show up, ask which way he went and never call me again. feel real fuckin safe.'

Jeremy settles themself onto the couch, choosing the spot closest to the door. Matt, who has apparently gotten over his initial terror, wanders into the kitchen. Searching for something to distract himself, if Trevor had to guess. Trevor is still standing in the middle of the living room, dumbfounded. How did a simple robbery become hanging out with other robbers, waiting for cops to show up?

'i'm jeremy, by the way. they won't ask, but y'know. just in case.'

They're flipping channels on the tv, seeming to arbitrarily skip almost a dozen programs. Finally, they settle on one and stand. Trevor recognizes it as an old Disney movie, and desperately wants to ask why the fuck Jeremy has put this on.

'uh, hi. i'm trevor. why are we watching Mulan?'

'matt. oh hell yeah, i love this movie!'

He sounds remarkably cheerful, considering the circumstances. How Trevor had seemingly switched places with Anxious McGee is beyond him. He needs to get it together. He pulls his gun from his pocket and takes it to the kitchen, sticking it in the drawer Jeremy had taken the phone from. There are several other phones of varying price point. He steps back to the living room just in time.

'that's why.'

They don't elaborate. Apparently Trevor is meant to just figure this out on his own, which ordinarily he might be able to do. After the course of events of this particular evening? Not a chance.

But he can't ask, because now there's a cop in the doorway and he's staring at Trevor and that will never be a good thing. Trevor stares back. He has no clue what he's meant to say. Hello? Welcome? He went that way?

'oh thank god! we've been so terrified, we didn't know if he'd come back or what he'd do.'

Naturally, Jeremy has taken lead on this. They're a phenomenal actor, Trevor has to admit.

'did you see which direction he went?'

'toward the stairs, i think. we've all been rooted to the spot, you know, it's so scary-'

Matt freezes in the doorway of the kitchen. He's just out of the view from the front door.

'right, well. you boys did the right thing by calling. can you give me a description of the man?'

The corner of Jeremy's mouth quirks.

'gosh, it all just happened so fast. taller than me, probably, but shorter than you, wouldn't you say, trey?'

Trevor nods, because he's not quite sure what else to do.

'alright, thank you. someone will be in touch with you for an official statement. in the meantime, if you remember anything else don't hesitate to call.'

He's holding a card out to Trevor, of all people. He takes it carefully, like if he does it wrong somehow the guy will know and arrest them all. The card is simply the number for a tip line.

As suddenly as he'd arrived, the cop is gone and they're all breathing sighs of relief. Jeremy closes the door.

'you guys can stay for Mulan, if you want.'

So they do.

Trevor asks about why Mulan again, and Jeremy explains that they assume most people have seen it, could answer any questions about it if they came up. Perhaps, if LSPD officers were less incompetent, they would have. Although if that were the case, they wouldn't be LSPD officers at all.

Matt asks about the window, and Jeremy says yes, they did break their own window. Of course they'd had an actual plan when they'd entered the alley. They were always going to end up exactly here, give or take the extras. Asking for a plan was simply a test, determining the merit in bring them along. They'd passed.

Jeremy asks if they want to stay for Mulan II, which is apparently up next. They do.

Somewhere in Los Santos, in the early morning hours of a Wednesday, three convenience stores are recovering from three separate robberies. Right in the middle of them all, their respective robbers are sitting on a couch together, watching a straight to video children's film.

It is the beginning of something far greater than any of them can imagine.

[komahinasecretexchange]

Title: London

Author: @entraptantrum

For: @emptyfishtanks

Rating/Warnings: For general audiences, mild violence/nondescript stabbing.

Prompt: Komahina travelling to cool places!

Author’s notes: I really hope that you enjoyed this fanfiction! I hope you’re having a lovely holiday. This was very fun to write! Thank you for the cool prompt!

The airport was almost overwhelmingly busy. There were so many people, all with different appearances and personalities, which made themselves apparent in their manner of presentation. Some walked funny, some sang songs to themselves, but it was immediately clear just by looking at them that they all had somewhere to be.

The announcer was speaking over the intercom, making bold, loud speech rumble throughout the building, as if the word of God himself was thundering through. It obviously wasn’t, but the idea was at least somewhat interesting to imagine.

Aeroplanes took off outside the window, their brilliant white wings carving into the clouds as they ascended through them like enormous metal angels.

Despite all of this, all that Hinata could focus on was the fact that Komaeda was standing painfully close to him. Their shoulders were brushing against each other in quite a subtle way- nearly enough to not even be noticeable. But Hinata noticed. He was almost always dreadfully aware of the distance between them. Like his mind would stop running if he wasn’t monitoring Komaeda at all times.

“Hm?” he jumped slightly as Komaeda tugged at his sleeve.

“Hinata-Kun, were you even listening?” he asked, voice free of the accusatory tone that would ring in the voice of literally anyone else. Komaeda then laughed, amused by the utterly bewildered expression displayed across Hinata’s features.

The latter flushed, feeling the heat of sheepish embarrassment against the back of his neck. “I- oh- I guess not. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I don’t blame you for not listening. Trash like me…probably isn’t deserving of having his voice heard. I was just asking if we should get back to the rest of the class.”

“Why? Don’t we still have time?”

Komaeda fished his cellphone out of his pocket and brought it up to show Hinata, the blaring screen lighting up like the morning sky when he pressed a button. The phone buzzed, joining the series of ‘New Message!’ alerts that had already been hanging around the screen, making it 10. All from Souda.

“WHERE THE FUCK ARE YA? Off snogging?”

Hinata cringed slightly, noting the way that Komaeda’s pale cheeks turned the faintest shade of pink as he read the message. “At least he’s being on topic. ‘Snogging’. We are in London, after all.”

“Heh, yeah. That’s our Souda, always appropriate for the situation,” Komaeda chirped, voice empty of any malice or sarcasm that could be expected from such a comment.

Hinata glanced at his face, taking a moment to appreciate how…brightly he always seemed to smile, before narrowing his eyes into a sharp glare. No way was he thinking…that about Komaeda. No way.

“Is something wrong, Hinata-Kun? You’re looking at me funny…”

“Gah,” Hinata shook his head, feeling unusually hot. “It’s…nothing.”

“If it’s important to you, it’s hardly nothing, but if you want me to drop the subject, I will,” Komaeda said with a curt nod, appearing oddly dutiful.

Hinata gave him an odd glance before the white-haired boy shook his head and grabbed his sleeve, beginning to tug him in the direction from which they had come. Amongst the crowds, Hinata spotted a head of vivid pink hair and exhaled in anticipation of what was surely going to be a harsh greeting.

“Hinata! There you fuckin’ are!” Souda exclaimed, immediately reaching out to hook a forceful arm around Hinata’s unsuspecting neck. Giving a slight ‘oof’ of surprise, Hinata shot Komaeda a pitiful look as he was yanked into a one-armed hug by the overzealous-as-always Souda Kazuichi. “I’ve been looking all over for you!”

“What, why?” Hinata asked, wincing slightly as Souda refused to let go of him. “Did something happen? I thought we had plenty of time left before we had to go to the hotel.”

“We do! But…I have a CRISIS!” he yelped, pointing an accusatory finger to his right, tears prickling in the corners of his wide eyes. Hinata let out an exasperated breath, wondering why on earth he was even friends with Souda, then followed his finger to see Sonia and Tanaka talking.

“Oh…no?” Hinata said doubtfully, unsure of what exactly he was looking at.

“It’s terrible, isn’t it!

“I don’t get it,” Komaeda said, tilting his head to the side.

“What is there not to get?! That devilish serpent has wormed his way into my precious Miss Sonia’s heart!”

“‘Devilish serpent’?” Hinata shook his head. “Now you sound like-”

“Don’t say it,” Souda hissed, a warning fire burning in his eyes as he aimed a sharp expression of distaste at his soul friend.

“H-hey, take it easy, Souda,” Hajime said, lifting his hands before himself as if in defence. He’d never really admit it, but up close (especially when he was trying to be threatening) Kazuichi’s teeth really did look awfully creepy…

All at once, the fire in his eyes blinked out and a blinding grin graced Souda’s features once more. “As if I’d hurt my soul friend!” he chuckled, once again heaving an arm over Hinata’s shoulders, other hand flying up to ruffle his hair.

“Hey!” Hinata scowled, face turning red from the humiliation. A few people at the airport turned to look at the two foreigners shrieking in Japanese, curiosity creeping into their expressions before they shrugged it off and returned to their activities. Humans had remarkably short and unforgiving attention spans, didn’t they?

“So what if Sonia-San is talking to Tanaka-San?” Komaeda asked, eyes not moving away from the chattering pair. “It just means that they’re friends and friendships strengthen to overcome any despair. I think that’s rather hopeful, don’t you, Souda-San?”

“I told you, just ‘Souda’ is fine,” Kazuichi grumbled, stepping away from Hinata. “And you can stop blabbering on about hope already!” he shrieked. Komaeda’s smile was unwavering, however, and he simply shook his head with closed lips. “She’s probably forgotten all about me, talking to him,” he groaned, slapping his palms to his face in defeat.

“Dude, don’t be so glum,” Hinata began, sympathetically rolling his eyes. He placed a hand on Souda’s shoulder. “Even if she doesn’t like you, there’s plenty of girls out there.”

“But none of them are Miss Sonia,” Souda mumbled

Hinata’s pursed his lips into a thin line, feeling that his friend was acting rather immature. “Have you even tried talking to her yet? You know, asking her to hang out or something?”

“…No?”

“Then why are you complaining? She hasn’t even rejected you properly yet,” Hinata said. Though, judging by the way Sonia frequently avoided Souda, she didn’t have to. “Go and talk to her. Try to just be nice. Be her friend first.”

Souda puffed out his chest, nodding eagerly. “Yes! You’re right! See, this is why you’re my Super High School Level Best Bud!” he laughed, once again reaching over and ruffling Hinata’s hair, ignoring his indignant yelps, and bounding off to the vending machine.

Hajime sighed, watching as he shoved in a bunch of coins and collected up the British sweets that dropped down into the bottom. He ran up to Sonia, who turned towards him with a slightly pained smile.

“Since when are you so knowledgeable in romantic endeavours, Hinata-Kun? Are you particularly experienced?” Komaeda asked. Hinata didn’t miss the slightly sly tone that snuck into his tone, disguised under his usual bright smile.

Immediately flustered, Hinata floundered to cover his tracks. He crossed his arms, feeling his face redden. “Ah! No, no, it’s not like that!” he rambled sheepishly. “I just- you know- it’s just, like- ah-”

Komaeda let out a merciless laugh, his whole face lighting up as he watched Hinata struggle. “Calm down. I’m only joking.”

Hinata grumbled to himself, before turning back to watch Souda present Sonia with the sweets. To his great surprise, her face lit up and she sang her praises to Souda, who was turning a delightful shade of pink to matched his hair.

Heartbeat still refusing to return to normal, Hinata let out a slight gasp when Komaeda nudged his side. “Your advice seems to be working,” he said in an uncharacteristically low voice. Hinata felt his breath against his ear, shivering slightly before Sensei’s voice rang out and shattered the peculiar atmosphere.

“Class 77-B! Please gather! We’re taking a register before piling into the taxis and going over to the hotel! We’re then taking a short break, then heading off to sightsee! Isn’t that exciting?” Yukizome-Sensei announced, loud enough for any students in the vicinity to overhear.

“Well, we should probably go meet up with everyone else, now,” Komaeda said, voice back to normal. Hinata’s state wasn’t, though, so he could only nod, before following Nagito to the front of the airport.

Everyone else soon followed, brilliant grins upon their faces as they chattered about the prospect of enjoying the city. It was quite exciting! None of them had really ever journeyed that much, except Sonia, of course, so it was quite lucky that the school had offered an end-of-year trip to the entire year group. To London of all places, too! Sonia wouldn’t shut up about how they would all love it so much.

The royal family was supposedly delightful.

A hoard of bodyguards followed after the students, one to a prearranged minivan taxi. There wasn’t much room in the cars, so Hinata was left shoved into his seat, body uncomfortably close to Komaeda. Needless to say, his face would not be cooling down anytime soon.

What was it about his weirdo friend that sent him into a fever every time he was remotely close to him?

Tsumiki, Souda and Kuzuryu entered the minivan too, sitting in the seats before Komaeda, Hinata and the bodyguard. It was strange that they had to be watched when out on something simple like a school trip, but of course, they were all quite important people. Especially the princess amongst them.

“Oh, d-dear!” Tsumiki immediately squeaked, pressing her hand to Hinata’s forehead. “Hinata-Kun! You’re burning up! A-are you sick? I’m so sorry! P-please don’t be angry at me! I knew I should have paid better a-attention to you! You’re not used to the s-sudden London cold, are you? Ah! I’m s-so s-sorry, so sorry-”

“Tsumiki-Chan, it’s really okay,” Hinata said nervously, gently prying her hand away from his forehead. “It’s not a fever, it’s just-” his gaze nervously flicked towards Komaeda, who was thankfully too busy staring out of the window to notice. “I’m just a bit embarrassed with the bodyguard here, is all.”

“Are you sure? I’m s-still going to get a good look at you when we g-go to the hotel. I’m so sorry!” she bowed her head, hands clasped in her lap.

“Oi! Tsumiki, Hinata’s fine, he probably just got a good look at some cute lady! Am I right?” Souda grinned, showing Hinata a thumbs up. “Atta lad!”

Kuzuryu elbowed Souda in the ribs forcefully. “Stop being such an idiot, Souda.”

“What!? What did I do now?”

“If you really can’t tell, that’s really on you,” he said, before crossing his arms and shooting Hinata and Komaeda a meaningful look that Hinata really didn’t like the implications of. He shook his head, staring out of the window like Komaeda as his friends bickered in the cab.

“Oh! You’ll never guess what happened!” Souda finally shrieked, grabbing the attention of everyone present. “Miss Sonia- agreed to a date!”

“What, really?” Komaeda asked, eyes widened. His face broke out into a wide smile. “Good on you, Souda-Kun!”

“No way she agreed to go on a date with a bozo like you,” Kuzuryu scoffed, while Mikan trembled in the corner.

“N-no offence, but-”

“Oi! You’re gonna say something mean, huh? You too, Tsumiki!? Whenever someone starts with, ‘no offence,’ you know it’s gonna be rude,” Souda frowned, crossing his arms with a pout. “And…well, it wasn’t exactly a date. She said she’d agree to hang out with me…but Tanaka’s coming too. Still! I’m sure she’ll ditch him once she’s charmed by me and my looks and humour!” he cheered, wiggling his eyebrows in a very un-charming manner.

Everyone groaned.

-

It wasn’t too long after that before the class arrived at the hotel, clambering over each other to push themselves out of cabs, yelping at they got accidentally slapped in the face by each other’s flailing limbs. Souda was the first out of the car after kneeing Kuzuryu in the stomach and pushing past him.

“You’re gonna pay for that, Souda!” the yakuza shouted after him as Souda sprinted into the hotel, barely managing in time to hide behind Yukizome as Kuzuryu drew closer.

Hinata rolled his eyes, opting to exit out of the other set of car doors instead. He held them open for a shaking Tsumiki, who would not stop spluttering gratitude despite the insignificant nature of the action, and Komaeda, who graciously thanked him and waited for them to enter the hotel together.

The other half of the class, consisting of Naegi, Togami, Kirigiri and that lot, arrived shortly after Hinata’s class did. Makoto was at the front of the class, chattering eagerly with his friends, while Kirigiri and Togami listened intently with similar levels of affection. It was strange how two people as cold as them could break down their masks in front of someone like Naegi.

Taking a glance at Komaeda, Hinata sighed and wished that someone would think the same of him.

It wasn’t that there was anything particularly wrong with their relationship. On the contrary, Hinata considered Komaeda to be his best friend, despite all of his…quirks. He was a strange individual with terrible social skills. He could never tell if what he was saying was meant to be an insult or a compliment and sometimes, Hinata wondered if Komaeda even knew the difference between the two. He had a dark sense of humour and made jokes at the most inappropriate times- Hinata was sure he’d try to crack one at a funeral one day.

He was insanely intelligent though. And so quick-witted. Even without his luck, Hajime was certain that he’d achieve so much in life, just riding by on his enormous brain.

Most of their classmates considered him crazy. Hinata thought about this as their sensei signed them all in at the reception.

It wasn’t that he couldn’t see why they thought this of him- he certainly acted insane at times. What with his delirious speeches on hope and despair and the delicate balance between the two, how any act in the name of hope could be justified, even murder.

Hajime wished he could break past this mask that he had put up and get to know the real Komaeda. Get to know his emotions past the usual blank smile.

He glanced at his friend, who looked back with an eager grin. There it was again. Hinata flashed him a half-hearted one of his own, then turned back to stare at the floor, wistfully carrying himself off to fantasies where Komaeda was easy to understand.

Once Yukizome signed them all in, the class flooded into their rooms, each of which contained four queen-sized beds and a bathroom. It was a luxury hotel, afterall. Hinata, Komaeda, Souda and Kuzuryu all shared a room, as before the trip had even taken place, the teachers gave the kids a chance to room together with their friends. Those who didn’t sign up to pick were just placed in random with their classmates.

Souda hopped onto his bed and straightaway began jumping up and down on it, bouncing like a rambunctious mouse.

“Get down from there before you break it, dumbass,” Kuzuryu shouted at Souda, shaking his fist at him like a deranged old man. “I certainly won’t take the blame when Yukizome-Sensei comes asking.”

Souda grimaced, then dropped into a cross-legged seated position on the bed. He blew a raspberry in Kuzuryu’s direction. “You’re completely no fun! It’s like everything I do- there you are ruining my joy.”

Komaeda flopped down onto Hinata’s bed, resting his head in his hands. “We have free reign over London now, Hinata-Kun. Would you mind if I tagged along with wherever you’re going?”

Hinata eagerly nodded, sitting down opposite his best friend. “Of course! You know I lov- like spending time with you,” he said, somewhat sheepishly towards the end.

Komaeda beamed; a beautiful smile that sent shivers through Hinata’s heart- for some odd reason. Hinata shook his head, then smiled to himself absentmindedly.

“Is…there something on my face?” Komaeda frowned, a puzzled look creeping over his features.

Eyes widening as he realised he’d been staring again, Hinata choked. “Ah- uh- no- there was just- you know- It’s nothing.”

Komaeda tilted his head to the side, curls swaying in time with the motion, before closing his eyes and nodding with acceptance. “If you say so. I trust you, Hinata-Kun.”

Such a remark didn’t have to send electric sparks through Hinata’s brain, and yet it did. It did so immensely.

“Right,” he said, in a somewhat restrained manner. Now was not the time to be behaving like a complete and utter weirdo.

-

Later, the two left the hotel room, pockets weighed down with the allowance of British pounds that the school gave them for their trip, varying levels of excitement discernable in their expressions. Hinata’s disposition was edged with anxiety, the awkward kind that always seemed visible with him, while Komaeda’s face was decorated with an exuberant grin that on him, was quite unsettling. Or so many said.

They decided to visit bustling market first, as per Komaeda’s suggestion. It would be easy to get lost, Hinata thought with distaste, not quite liking the idea of wandering around an overcrowded market without his friend there with him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be right by your side,” Komaeda assured him with a small laugh, which he tried to stifle by covering his mouth with his hand. Cute.

“What if you get lost?” Hinata asked accusingly, dismissing the previous embarrassing thought. Komaeda was not cute. Well, under certain lights Hinata supposed he looked decent and he could understand why some girls might be into him but it was not like Hinata was interested-

“Why don’t I hold onto your sleeve then? So neither of us wanders off,” Komaeda suggested as they reached the entrance to the market.

Hinata shrugged, but held out his arm for Komaeda to loosely tug at anyway. He tried not to think about how they were almost holding hands.

They ventured into the market, which was packed with people- the air thick with the stench of bustling humanity. People that reeked of smoke, perfume or food all milled around the two boys, who stuck close together out of necessity- you know, to not get lost.

The entire place was so colourful it almost made Hinata’s eyes hurt. There were oceans of jewel-tone fruits positioned like soldiers on the front lines in baskets by fruit stalls- pink, tender pig’s flesh hanging on glinting silver hooks from the tops of the tents- gleaming minerals stacked together by a witch’s shop along with swaying pendulums and pentacles that looked an awful lot like eyes.

Komaeda and Hinata approached the witch’s stall by Komaeda’s request. The lady sitting by the table had a beautiful silk red scarf draped over her head, the ends decked out with silver tassles. Her eyes were twinkly and green, while her hair remained a vibrant pink with only a few grey streaks. She strangely reminded Hinata of a wiser, kinder-looking Souda.

“Look, Hinata-Kun! Aren’t they so pretty?” Komaeda asked, pointing at the rows of gemstone necklaces and bracelets.

The lady chuckled, before picking out two pale pink bracelets. “Ah, I’m assuming rose quartz for the pair of you?”

Hinata’s eyebrows shot up in pleasant surprise. “You speak Japanese?” He glanced at Komaeda to see his reaction, surprised to see his face turning bright, beetroot red. He had let go of Hinata’s sleeve, keeping his hands to himself, close to his chest.

“Ah, no, actually,” he spluttered.

Hinata raised an eyebrow. “What? Are you okay?” he asked with concern, placing a hand gently against his forehead. Uncharacteristically, Komaeda batted his hands away.

“I’m fine,” he assured Hinata, though he still sounded flustered. The lady sighed, then nodded with understanding.

“I see. My mistake.”

“But…I would like that peridot necklace,” Komaeda hummed thoughtfully. The woman eyed Hinata over the brim of her glasses, then nodded decidedly, packaging up the necklace while Komaeda payed. He thanked the lady then gingerly tugged at Hinata’s sleeve once again.

“Why’d you choose that one?” Hinata asked, honestly to make smalltalk.

Komaeda stared at him long and hard, before shaking his head with a slight laugh. “I just…it reminds me of something pretty.”

Slightly puzzled by this response, Hinata tilted his head to the side slightly, but said nothing more. They visited several more stalls, before finally deciding to head out of the market.

They were just about to exit, when Hinata spotted a group of children barrelling towards him and Komaeda. Letting out a quick gasp, he grabbed Komaeda’s hand and pulled him to the side to avoid being knocked over. Komaeda sucked in a surprised breath, before stepping closer to Hinata instinctively.

They were a few inches apart now, hands tightly clasped together between them.

Hinata’s heart sped up as he realised how truly close he was to his best friend. He could feel Komaeda’s soft breathing against his lips and the way that he lightly squeezed Hinata’s hand, as if afraid he’d run away. As if Hinata would ever.

He knew he should step away, but no force on Earth could have compelled him to move in that moment, when the busy market fizzled away like bubbles in a bath.

“Sorry- I- uh- was just trying to get away before the kids- they were running. And stuff,” Hinata frantically explained. It was a difficult thing to do, as he was completely mesmerised by Komaeda’s eyes. They were- for lack of a better word- absolutely beautiful. Swirling, glittering grey, like a storm with lightning crackling behind the storms. Or a witch’s dark cauldron where something nefarious was brewing. It was absolutely enchanting.

Komaeda reached up a hand, as if to gently touch Hinata’s cheek, before a hesitant expression took its place in his face and he let his hand drop. “Right. Well- we should probably leave before we get knocked over by someone else.”

Hinata nodded, feeling his heart still thudding away in his chest. He lead Komaeda out of the market, before they stood together and tried to decide what to do next. Hinata was well aware of the fact that they were still holding hands.

-

They went to grab something to eat, then journeyed back towards the hotel when it was getting dark. The streetlamps were luridly shining, nearly blinding with their buttery yellow light. Komaeda walked closer to the inside of the street, as with his luck- a car would come speeding through and knock right into him. Of course, with the other side of the coin, he’d meet a producer at the hospital who’d want to publish a musical about his life, which would make him famous and rich.

Walking on the inside of the road wouldn’t really stop a speeding car, but at the very least, it made Komaeda feel safer, which was a good enough justification for Hinata.

A man turned the corner and began nearing the boys. His face was majorly obscured by his hat and scarf, though his hooked nose protruded out like a bird’s beak, visible despite the coverings. His hands were in his pockets, which were sewn onto a large trench coat that covered his entire frame, making his figure impossible to discern.

Komaeda and Hinata chatted about one thing or the other, though Hinata wasn’t really listening. He was too focused on the proximity between the two and the way that his fingers seemed to brush Komaeda’s at each footstep. Would it be appropriate to take his hand again? Probably not, Hinata thought resentfully. It would be strange to just grab his hand out of nowhere, especially when he had no excuse to do so.

When the man passed them, it took Hinata a moment to realise that Komaeda was lagging behind. He turned around, then felt his blood run cold.

The man had his arm wrapped around Komaeda’s body, a gleaming knife pressed to his throat. Hinata’s stomach turned in upon itself, writhing in the adrenaline that coursed its way through his body. He bit his tongue, swallowing hard as he raised his hands and took a step back.

His English was limited, but he could understand perfectly when the man said, “Give me your phone, your money and anything else, or I kill him.”

Hinata’s hands scrambled for his pockets, ready to give anything the man wanted in return for Komaeda. Random madmen on the street were not to be bargained with, he decided in that moment. Not when someone like Nagito was in danger.

“Don’t bother, Hinata-Kun,” Komaeda’s voice rang out. “I’m not worth it. Even if he kills me…I’m willing to just be a stepping stone so that you can get away. Maybe…maybe my death will even inspire hope back amongst our classmates. Bring them together. I’m not worth your belongings, Hinata-Kun.”

“Stop whispering in whatever the fuck language that is,” the man gruffly ordered, his brusque, acerbic disposition making itself very apparent. “Just hand over the belongings.”

“Let me me a stepping stone…” Komaeda muttered, before yelping slightly as the blade dug deeper into the pale skin over his neck.

Hinata was horrified at Komaeda’s words. How could he say stuff like that? Hinata was perhaps realising why his classmates called Komaeda insane. His heart pounding in his ears, hands shaking, he took his phone out of his pocket and reached over to hand it to the man.

As he reached to grab the phone, Hinata got a good look at his face. His eyes were sunken in and his skin was droopy and wrinkled. There was not a single trace of merry youth in his eyes, which were dull and grey like the concrete below their feet. He looked old, perhaps a druggie, too.

Either way, Hinata made a split second decision. He dropped his phone onto the ground. The man looked temporarily stunned, eyes following the phone to the floor, giving Hinata a precious moment to enact his impulsive plan.

He grabbed the arm holding the knife, then twisted it from around Komaeda and against his back, causing the man to let out a shriek of agony. Hinata pried the knife from his disgusting grip, then, trembling slightly, stepped back, pointing it at the man as if it were a gun.

When the man recovered and went to round on the boys, Hinata closed his eyes and rammed the knife forward, propelling it into the stranger’s hand. He let out a screech.

“Come on!” Hinata yelled, grabbing Komaeda’s arm and yanking him forward, running with him down the street until they were far away enough that the man wouldn’t catch them.

They both slowed, able to see the hotel in the distance. Breathing heavily, Komaeda turned towards Hinata, brows furrowed.

“Hinata-Kun, you shouldn’t have done that. What if there were cameras? You’ll get into trouble.”

Breath heaving at a similar pace, Hinata stood up straight, glaring at Komaeda. “So what? He was trying to hurt you.”

Komaeda shook his head, as if in disappointment. “Hinata-Kun…I’m not worth it. I’m just meant to be a stepping stone to the true, pure, beautiful hope inside each of you. I’m not…I’m not special in that way.”

“What the hell are you on about?” Hinata asked, frustration mounting. “Of course you’re special. Of course you matter. You life is just as precious as mine. It doesn’t matter if I get in trouble, because I was defending you. I’m glad to get into trouble if it was for a noble cause.”

“You…it doesn’t matter. You shouldn’t have done that. You should have let him kill me. He was crazy enough to do it. Imagine the hope that it would inspire-”

“Don’t you see?” Hinata stepped forward, arms shaking at his sides, both from anger and residual fear. “The hope wouldn’t mean anything if you weren’t here.”

“Why do you care so much about a nobody like me, Hinata-Kun? Why do you bother to hang out with me when…when nobody else would. Why do you stick around as if I matter? Are you foolish, or are you perhaps brave? Are you wiser than even I gave you credit for? Why do you do these things. I just can’t figure you out.” Tears were streaming down his face at this point, irregular, shiny lines down his face that glistened in the lamp light. “I don’t matter. I don’t matter at all. It doesn’t matter whether I live or die. All that matters is that everyone else is okay. I never mattered.

You shouldn’t care about me, Hinata-Kun. You should care about somebody who’s worth it. Somebody who isn’t a garbage human worthy of being naught but a stepping stone. I-”

Komaeda suddenly stopped, silenced by Hinata’s mouth against his. It was a gentle kiss- their lips barely touching, brushing against each other like blossoms in the wind. It sent electricity down Hinata’s spine and he shivered, reaching up a hand to cup Komaeda’s cheek.

He pulled away, face flushed. “You matter to me, Komaeda. I care about you. You mean so much to me, more than you realise. You’re…I could spend hours talking about how much you mean to me. How much you make me care about you.”

Komaeda’s eyes were wide and he blinked back the falling tears to no avail. He lifted his hand and placed it on Hinata’s, lacing their fingers together and pulling his hand down towards his chest. Hinata could feel Komaeda’s heartbeat, rhythmic and fast. Like an excited dance by a group of overzealous performers.

“Hinata-Kun…I don’t know what to say…”

“Then don’t say anything. Just stop talking bad about yourself. You- you deserve to live. Had…had I lost you back there…I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. You matter, Komaeda.”

Komaeda blushed, looking away from Hinata with red dusting his cheeks, a colour that stood out beautifully against his pale complexion. “Hinata…you’re…you’re too good for me.”

“We’re good enough for each other, I think,” Hinata said with a soft smile. Komaeda looked momentarily stunned, before letting out a small laugh, matching Hinata’s smile.

-

Later that night, after the excitement of the day, Hinata and Komaeda lay in their hotel room, unable to fall asleep. Kuzuryu and Souda were both snoring loudly in their beds like trumpets.

Komaeda lazily turned in his bed, facing Hinata. He smiled at him, before shyly looking away, probably remembering the moments outside of the hotel earlier. Hinata thought he looked cute when slightly shy. Suddenly feeling bold, bolder than usual, Hinata pulled his covers off himself and walked over to Komaeda’s bedside.

“Budge over,” he instructed in a whisper.

Komaeda obliged, though he looked a bit confused. Hinata climbed into his bed, wrapping his arms around Komaeda’s waist.

“Hinata, what if Souda and Kuzuryu wake up?”

“They got in at 3am today, they’re not waking up for a while,” Hinata said dismissively, an odd sort of smile playing at his lips. Komaeda grinned, stupidly happy for his friend’s insistence. He reached up a hand and brushed his thumb against Hinata’s jaw, before leaning forward and pressing his lips to his.

The End.

[ophexis]

Can you talk a little about being aromantic and how you came to realise you are?

Ooo hi anon!! ;w;

I put this under a cut cause it’s ended up accidently being a huge wall of text for something that isn’t super interesting to a lot of people but thanks a lot for the ask anon! ;w;

also this is probably not very coherent sorry about that ;w;

(disclaimer: also this is my own personal experiences and does not represent the experience of every single aromantic person on the spectrum)

aromanticism is simply just not feeling or experiencing romantic love.

For me being aromantic is…well nice, cause I didn’t have a word for it before I got in college. It’s also a bit strange. For one a lot of other aromantic people are very into physical intimacy anyway, and I’m….extremely repulsed by the idea of physical intimacy, so even in the aro communities I felt a bit out of place :’D (I eventually stopped looking at aromantic communities completely…it was….i dont really have a word for it aside than alienating)

But it’s also very freeing. I was never really convinced of romance, I went along with the whole ‘someday you’ll find someone’ thing cause….that’s what everybody does right? But nope. I can just be myself, on my own, and live my life to the fullest. No need to force myself to find a guy to spend all my time with, no need to have children….my life is my own, and it will always be. And it’s a nice way to think with how bad my anxiety, social anxiety, lack of self-worth and what everybody tells me is depression making me feel like honestly, I know be a fuckin awful mom. Kids deserve better, and I deserve to live my whole life how I want to. It’s a bit of a selfish way to see things, but I spent most of my childhood basically being owned by my shitty abusive friend who never let me live my life and do my things, and I intend to live for myself from now on. 

It’s also a bit alienating in fandom settings. Ships are the most important aspect of a fandom in most of them, shipping drives most of fandoms. Most shipping stuff makes me pretty uncomfortable, from the very aggressive way people push their romantic ships and ideas, and how you basically don’t exist when you don’t really ship anything, and how you know that nobody will ever really enjoy your aromantic headcanons, because “b-but muh ship”. You have people saying how obvious a ship is, that you’re stupid if you don’t see it, but hell you watched the same serie, played the same game, and….never saw any of the romantic subtext. You saw friends being good friends, and never really realised it could be romantic until you stumble on the fandom. I am so oblivious to what people see as romantic subtext TwT; I feel bad sometimes with how people scream IT’S SO OBVIOUS!! IT’S CANON!! and I’m like….idk man. I basically need the author to spell it out for me before I see anything romantic. It’s not because ‘oh no you hate that ship you big meanie so you say they’re just friends!!’, I just legit never saw anything in it that I’d interpret as romantic actions. I’d be really okay with ships if shipping didn’t turn a lot of fans into rabid animals tbh >3>;; I can easily warm up to ships when I stay away from the fandom. 

i have a few aro headcanons…Shaundi from Saints Row, Y’sthola in ffxiv, Sailor Mars (her manga personality mostly), Peridot and Lapis (people would hate that one), Rey from Star Wars…and all my ocs, unless specified otherwise, tend to be aromantic by default. Yuri is demiromantic. Towering Hound and Pupuri Puri are aro as fuck.

finding out there was a word for it was very liberating and made me feel like all this discomfort about romance and everything related to it wasn’t me being a lonely weirdo but was just something valid that other people experience as well.

And I still love my friends lots. I love my family. I love all of them very deeply and I care for them and wish them the best. I��ll just never love someone in a romantic way and that’s ok.

——–

and now for boring life story:

I am pretty sure I have always been aromantic (I just never knew that was A Thing before tumblr). It was in a childish way earlier, kinda, but I remember I refused to watch a lot of Disney movies with princesses in them cause I thought they’d just be love stories, and I thought it was boring as heck. I went along with the whole “girls wanna find boyfriends!!” stuff to fit in but I was never really much into the idea?

In high school I never had a crush on anyone, to the exasperation of my friends. My shitty abusive ex friend basically pushed me into the only “romantic” relationship I ever was in, with a guy i met on a Sonic forum (yep). he was a nice dude, but honestly I was never really….like I never felt any different than with a friendship you know? My friends also mocked me endlessly for this relationship so that was eeeeeh…Eventually we fell out of contact and he assumed we weren’t a thing anymore and he went in a relationship with a guy and I kinda found out accidently, it was awkward but then again I was just kinda….”welp i guess that’s that” (also cue my friends mocking me and saying I was such a bad girlfriend I ‘turned him gay’ even tho he was probably bi in the first place anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

I always just thought at that point that I’ll just wait and someday “I’ll find someone” cause that’s what everybody tells you no matter how uninterested you are.

Then in college I joined tumblr at some point. I do not remember who reblogged the picture with various orientations on it, including romantic ones, but thanks so much. I didn’t even know there were romantic orientations!! I saw aromantic, and something clicked. Like “holy shit that exists? That’s a thing??” I felt a bit bad initially to grab the label cause im still just a straight cis girl but I read more into it, and into other aro peep’s experiences, and I realised that yep. That’s me, that’s how I’ve been feeling all my life and it’s totally okay if I wanna remain single all my life, if all this shit makes me uncomfortable its not cause im a weirdo. 

being aro is a bit like standing on the sidelines while a bunch of people are screaming about how great this one thing is but you’re kinda “meh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯“ about it. Or kinda like when you don’t like booze (I don’t like booze) but everytime you’re at a party everybody’s trying to make you try all the booze “It doesn’t even taste like alcohol you’ll like it!” “oh try this one, I’m sure you’ll like this one”. It’s a bit like that. It probably doesn’t sound nice to people who experience lots of romantic love, but its nice and cozy for me if that makes any sense, and I don’t want to try it. I’ve tried it before, I didn’t like it. I’m done. (this statement applies to both romance and booze lmao)

my current life goals is to live in a nice lil cozy appartment with some kitties, on my own.