#but at some point u jus have to accept tht like .

[bylertruther]

soooo... guess who stayed up until 5 am to finish reading a fic 🤡

[libvrtines]

                          hewwo  i’m  felix  ( 20 ,  he / him , gmt )  and  i  just  realised  my  fc  has  no  mf  resources  that  aren’ t from  him  as  a  fetus  and  will  therefore  b  spendin  approximately  all  my  free  hrs  cranking  out  gif  icons  ,  so  lets  get  it  *  pained  laughter  *  !  this  is  my  boy..  except  he’s  not  my  boy  and  i  take  no  credit  for  who  he  is  as  a  person  because  he’s  the  personification  of  a  flaming  dumpster  fire  ,  xu  yuxian  .  his  pinterest  board  is  here  ,  i don’t  have  a  full  amazing  wc  page  but  i  do  have  some  wc’s  beneath..  so  if  u  jus  wanna  stick  around  for  that  i  won’t  blame  u  bc  otherwise  this  is  just  a  Wreck .   (    i  literally  just  had  to  search  up  my  muses  name  bcs  i  forgot  it  but  i  know  he’s  a  scorpio at  least  so  if  that  is  any  indication  of  how  this  is  gonna  be  then  yeah .  this  is  gonna  be  the  Worst   ) .  drop  a  heart  if  you  would  like  to  plot  ,  or  just  add  me  up  on  d*scord  no anime pls im christian#1950  for  quicker  messages  !  TW  :  mentions  of  drugs  ,  violence  ,  death ,  blood  , manipulation  . 

scanning XU YUXIAN, they are TWENTY FOUR year old and read as CUNNING but DECEITFUL, which explains why they are referred to as the VARMINT. before virtual reality HE was IMPRISONED FOR THE DISTRIBUTION OF DRUGS and living in QUINGDAO, CHINA. they’ve been said to look incredibly similar to HUANG ZITAO, but they’ve never seen it. in this new virtual world, they plan on DOING ALL OF THE CRAZY SHIT HE'S ALWAYS WANTED TO and hope to NEVER GO BACK to reality. 

*    BACKGROUND    !

tl ; dr . “ the best way to solve a problem is just to eliminate it . " in thick accented mandarin. the roar of a bike kicked to life with exhaust pouring out of the tailpipe and the low graveled hum as it idles way past midnight. charcoal ashes and heavy-lidded eyes. teeth stained red from marlboro's and split, bloody lips. baseball bats through car windows, the scrape of a bic as it lights. the smell of cigarettes burned deep into veins. the drag of a knife light across a throat. knuckles blooming purple pressed into nose bridges, a smile with a pair of pliers knocking against porcelain teeth. THIS vine. 

so as formerly stated this is yuxian, the worser half of the xu siblings. disruptive and dangerously reactive to any sort of aggression, he's adapted to a reality reliant on violence and force over patience and rationale. he's an overall shitty guy, with some even shittier habits. street smart and instinctive, his world works in harsh turns and bared knuckled fists. 

dropped out of high-school.. was one of those ‘lunch is my fav class’ kids except he got dragged 2 school by the ear when he was younger and then people just. stopped giving a fuck  ! 

so he did what most boys do in big towns with no proper parental guidance: raised a little hell, drank a lot of alcohol when his liver was barely formed, fixed bikes and engines, and beat up a few rich kids who looked @ him the wrong way. speaks like every mf villain in an anime ever. over-enunciates vowels and suffocates his consonants. acts like the stray he p much is w parents as shitty as his. 

the xu family had earned themselves a nasty reputation in the community they lived in. they're tough, they're intimidating. they do things their way. xu’s speak with their fists and their knives and their brass knuckles and their bats, not known for thinking out their actions before acting out. violent. horrible. the worst People™. 

yuxian’s parents owned and operated a dim-lit, greasy restaurant in the heart of their community, once used to deepen the family's pockets as they sold some choice off-menu items, they were offered a deal by a rich family that bought up their block when yuxian was around 15, selling their enhanced drugs imported from europe behind the grime-coated counter. yuxian saw the $$$ and didn’t think abt how risky it would b, or that they’d be the ones caught red handed if they were ever raided. being able to label himself as a drug dealer just made his reputation in the community go up.. and he was livin la vida loca 

along with working as a drug-runner, he liked to fancy himself as something of a debt collector, making sure to "follow up" with anyone who hopes to evade payment to the family. weapons of choice include a baseball bat to the kneecaps and automatic knives. has he actually hurt anybody ?? absolutely Not. he a puthy ass bitch... but don’t say that to his face unless u wanna end up like that ‘what are u gonna do? stab me? guy who then.. got stabbed 

basically yuxian will do whatever it takes to get what he wants and to survive. he never considers himself a bad guy; he considers herself bold where others find him brash. he thinks that he's tough where he's really just a brute. he's never a bully, it's never unjustified, but if he ever is he doesn’t think much of it bc he’s never gonna change , ygm ?? 

he ended up in prison when he started selling drugs to the rich family’s only son, who lbr, became quite a decent friend to yuxian. the son in question had a bad side - effect to the dodgy drugs they were dealing and died of cardiovascular complications. worst thing is that the last memory xian has of the world before virtual reality is waiting for his parents or siblings to come visit him at but being stood up. next thing he knows he’s in a world where his freedom hasn’t been taken from him and he can. he’s Extremely Bitter, and very Chaotic, my guys. so watch out

*    PERSONALITY   !

honestly and truly, at the end of the day, yuxian is not a good friend to have. xian is not friendly. he will never say the thing you want to hear as opposed to how he is feeling, he'll never sugarcoat anything, he'll never be a listening ear. encouragement and support don't exist here. he is fickle and fair-weathered and will use and use and use until there's nothing left to give. 

self-serving and self-invested to his core, he cares so little it's essentially nonexistent for anyone other than himself. not even his family, given the circumstances. he is opinionated and reactive. volatile. if someone is looking for an influence in their life that will give no fucks and encourage even the smallest whispers of an impulse, yuxian is The One™. 

every bad influence every mother's warned about, everything you know you should say no to: that's her. he has nothing to lose and lives his life accordingly. those in his periphery, he encourages to do the same. respect and admiration are not easily earned. he needs to be impressed. the grander the debauchery, the more points earned. but of course, don't try too hard.. bc that’s corny and he can sniff someone simply trying to impress from a mile away. 

still, to those that he's aligned himself with and chosen to befriend – xian can be loyal the way a snake is to a pack. his trigger-haired temper and baseline defensiveness makes him a good rabid junkyard dog to have in any corner. loyalty is mostly reserved for those who benefit him or to those who serve his best interest – contrary to popular belief, he's not entirely stupid. but definitely has been called a bimbo a minimum of five times in his life. 

simply put, he's a thug. his family has terrorised residents and he hasn't fallen too far from the tree, reaping the benefits of everyone's worst expectations. he's vindictive, manipulative, short-tempered and callous. he'll go to extreme lengths – which often include coercion via intimidation or violence – to get what he wants. he has little regard for other peoples' safety, well-being, or feelings. he lives to ruin lives; not in that fuckboy-esque i'm-going-to-steal-your-gf-and-ruin-your-social-life kind of petty bullshit. he IS a fuckboy but that’s besides the point.. 

every action is based on gut-impulse, acting purely out of unfettered emotion without thinking of what the consequences might be down the line. just pls hate him bc he really deserves it. 

speaking of Love.. with a reputation that followed him from a few years into high school for being tht guy who makes u feel good abt urself then leaves u on read, he's learned to embrace it and accept that people think he just can’t commit. xian is not good in relationships, he doesn't quite know how to show affection in a healthy way. he gets possessive and jealous and easily poisons everything from the inside while trying to sort out the subconscious overbearing fear of this person realising how shit he is or actually realising they’re worth more than his half-assed attempts at affection. so instead he keeps it at an arm's distance before it gets that far. 

*    WANTED CONNECTIONS   !

bad influence ( somebody he is corrupting essentially ) friends who like to crash parties / slum around bars  perhaps people who he knows from before and were aware of his ugly reputation ?? idk this is gonna be an area only open to a few but if they ever lived nearby or in the city where he did then it’s a possibility  ! friends who like to smoke weed behind dumpsters people who he can con  someone who tries to see the good in him but beneath the dirt there’s just more Dirt enemies / frenemies violent low-lives who he can connect 2 on an emotional and physical level fwb / one-night stands / some sort of violent dislike in personality which in turn results in sexual tension  ?

[wavysailor]

the question: how you feeling?

how am i feeling? i’m not completely sure how to answer tht question bc i don’t even kno myself. my feelings are mixed with a bunch of emotions all at the same damn time. i can’t say how i’m feeling as a whole because my feelings depend on the time, place, and my surroundings. at times i feel super ecstatic and ready to conquer the world. but other times i feel like a sad piece of shit ready to get hit by a train. it all really depends on the atmosphere i’m in. when i’m alone i go into this deep thinking stage where i try and figure out if i’m happy or sad overall. truthfully i’d say i’m sad, but something’s prove me wrong, then i start to think i’m happy. but i feel like my happiness is temporary and only lasts so long, bc when i get home it’s like my entire body shuts down and i turn into this pathetic depressing girl. i’m not sure if tht made any fuckin sense but jus go along w it. when i’m with you, or people i genuinely love i feel happy and it’s like the problems that are weighing me down don’t matter to me and i forget about them. but once i go home reality slaps me in the fucking face and now i’m back at tht pathetic piece of shit phase. yes, i do have my siblings who are here for me but the advice or care they try to give does not fully comfort me to the point where i won’t feel sad, like i don’t wanna sound ungrateful but i feel like it’s not enough. the things they say to me is not the shit i wanna hear and it doesn’t rlly help. like yes somethings i give consideration but like i said it’s not enough to make me feel completely positive. i’m not sure if i’m still lw depressed or whatever but this feeling in my gut won’t go away and idk how to prevent it. you basically kno all the traumatic instances tht happened w me from being physically abused to sexually, and both still fucking haunt me til this day. i mean yes i am over it but it still lingers in my mind. the one talent i have is hiding my emotions. it’s something i learned how to do overtime, and i’ve became pretty fucking good at it. when i was depressed no one knew, bc i hid it so well but behind tht curtain i was fucking dreading everyday wanting to die. i don’t feel that way anymore but i’m not saying i’m completely cured from being sad. maybe i am sad as a whole, but i’m not sure, bc some days i do feel hella fuckin happy!!! i just really wish things were better w me and my mom, it makes me so jealous to see my friends having a good relationship w their mom. bc every child should have tht, why have a child if u don’t wanna good relationship w them? but i can’t help that, the deed is done. i’ve came to the conclusion that i do not want a relationship with my mother, and as of right now i am faking it to get through the day easily. you already knew tht but isn’t that fucking sad?!!! like it makes me sad bc there’s nothing she can do to rlly change me feelings towards her, it’s set and done. she’s brought out the worst in me and made me feel the way i’m feeling. so i put the blame on her 100%. yes ik i should be happy my mom is actually alive, but i can see thru my mom, she’s transparent. she’s selfish, materialistic, self-absorbed, etc. she puts herself first instead of her own kids, and that’s not how it should be. but it’s fine, i’ve learned to accept that. i’m not sure if this answered the how am i feeling question but i’m jus speaking my mind. i jus hope things will get better and i will start to feel comfortable at my own home, but i need to figure out how to do so. i’m going to try and focus on bettering myself and do me and of course with you by my side. i love you and i’m in love with you, thank you for making me feel happy when i needed it the most and least. you are my favorite atmosphere, and the only person i want to be surrounded by.

[whitbee21]

ha!!

amwriting once again

this time its not about vell although I need to go back and vent about him as well.

I'm gonna attempt to write out my feelings to Johnathan Bagot as they say this type of shit helps and works

soooooo...JB Johnatha, Nathaniel,, BAgot!! wassup home skillet ohhh theres so much I hav e to say.. ive sent u these type of messages many times before but this one is gonna be a little different I guess..it wont be jus about u and all the good things u make me feel. no... this will actually include all the fuck shit u do which whether u believe it or not is a lot... theres a reason I call u a fuck nigga when describing u sometimes because in all honesty that's what u are and you said that u know that.. so I dnt get why u get mad sometimes when I say that... anyways.. umm idk,. I wonder when we reached the first point of me needing to cut u off.. I know recently the shit has been more magnified and its to the point where its like mk whit why tf is u still fuckin with this nigga.. what really pisses me off is that when I confront u on yo bullshit u dnt really care.. u say shit like ok or u knew that about me already..most fucked up shit u do I don't even acknowledge it cuz I know u dnt care to stop or change the way your actions affect other people. I been told u this but its funny and selfish of u to want somebody who accept u for who u are when 1.  u treat people like shit and most of the times u try to take  advantage of shit.. and don't say u dnt cuz u fuckin  do.. if u want one burrito and u see I would buy it for u you then ask for 2. You the one tht let me know I'm too passive and people take advantage of me cuz I'm too nice... so why would u make me feel the same way?

ohhhhhhhhhhhh Johnathan ive spent wayyyy too much money on yu and have done shit for u I know never crossed ya mind about doin for me. Which is cool. 75% of the time u don’t ask.. its usually just me being stupidly nice because and like and care for u.

Johnathan. You always joke about u findin ya girl and how im not for u cuz im for other niggas.. but nigga if that was true would I still be fwu .. nigga you the longest person I fw since I left the father of my child.. like I fwu… more than anything on a friend level.. like honestly Johnathan if it was strictly bout sex I would’ve cut u off at the beginning of the year…. Ive asked u since day 1 if I didn’t fuck u could we be friends and u said yea u were like im not here for that blah blah I can control myself ive had pussy before bullshit. Now that you’ve had it more than enough times and im tired of this fuckin situation we in and im wanting to be strictly friends now u dnt know if u would still wanna be my friend. Nigga what does pussy have to do with me and my friendship it pisses me off u act like u care when u want to when we all know that u really dnt. Like how u always wanna make slick comments about me bein with the next nigga but nigga u with the next bitch and u dnt see me bringin it up

Whats the point?? We both know/knew wassup why dry bring up shit and act like it’s a problem when  nigga u got the same thing goin likeeeeeeeeee how that work.. u sayin I dnt txt u cuz im with another nigga while im standing next to your dresser with eyelashes and hoop earrings lmfaooo like please stop

And honestly that’s what did it for me

The eyelashes lmaaaoo like nigga no hell no tffffff nooo!!!

Im over here really tryna keep u as a friend with my pussy when hell im sure yu getting it elsewhere ..im not trippin on that by all means get yours bt what pisses me off Is that u tellin me we cant be friends if ion wanna fuck like NIGGA IM NOT THE ONLY BITCH U FUCKIN GTFOH WITH THAT SHIT

Straight bullshit I swear

Do you think u deserve to go to the big sean concert

Like if I was you and you were me,,

If u were my friend and I told u the backstory of me and u

How u pick and choose when u wanna tlk to me

And how sometimes you’re mean to me for no fuckin reason

And how tbh u wouldn’t be fwm if I didn’t fwu (u say you’ve fucked w.me despite us not havin sex but nigga u still got head, I was comin over to smoke,drink,take u to movies.. u were just waiting til we fucked again)

Would u be like yea whit get him those tickets for his birthday even though on the day of he might not be appreciative of shit til he see the tickets.

 Like wtfffffffffffff I knew I would feel like a dummy if/when I bought the tickets buutttttt

Me fwu over rode those feelings

Im like fuck it im goin to the big sean concert with my nigga bagot we gone be lit

Ha!!!! We gone be lit alright..so lit tht I’ll mostly likely come to yo crib..fuck u and leave in the am

Unfortunately I think this is it

Even though I really dnt want it to be

Its bout the best thing I can do for myself u make me feel a way I shouldn’t about myself its mostly cuz of the way you’ve treated/ acted towards me

And for u if I cant give specific examples then I must be lyin and all I have to sat to tht is FUCK THAT

Fck that shit bro u can sit up here and like u the coolest most laid back person there is

But in all actuality you’re a selfish asshole

Who couldn’t even be true to a girl who didn’t want SHIT from u but to kick it

Nigga I was comfortably fine with not being ya girl … whatever

But for u to bullshit on a friendship that you don’t even put nothing into??

Yeeaaa naaa.. miss me with the shits once again I know u dnt care and u probably aint read the whole thing

I just wanted u to know I fwu and despite me not fwu no more u gone always be remembered as my nigga cuz we had some good times together…….. from me being able to call and talk on ft 90% of the time to me callin u cryin cuz im an emotional doofus lmaooo

But naa all In all Johnathan  I love you and Im glad we got to hang and enjoy eachothers company

Who knows maybe later in life you’ll stop being a douche and be a true friend but if not i wish u all the best in everything u do. I know u gonna get it done by any means necessary..

 Sincerely,

Queen head ass lmao

p.s. I know this is the most head ass thing I could do but hey its wht I do lol