#but dont wear them because we need more sacrifices for the Rat God

[ratlickers-r-us]

Don’t worry about their official stance ya’ll!! I saw a worker get chewed out by upper management for trying to get the customer and his six kids in front of me to wear a mask! They were sneezing and coughing and what not, but that’s just normal! Herd immunity for all!! 🐼🥢🥡🐀👅Panda Express=proud fellow rat lickers 🐼🥢🥡🐀👅

[unicyclehippo]

"Nope, I absolutely refuse to touch that" for Beaujester (extra kudos if you include Nott ☺)

‘what’s that? scared of an itty bitty spi—ah!’ nott shrieks a blood curdling shriek, clutched at beau’s wrists as the girl shoves at her, shoves her toward where the spider had disappeared beneath the bench. ‘don’t! don’t! no! oh fuck it’s huge! pull me back, pull me back! i don’t want to die! no!’ the goblin shrieks, displaying an actually really impressive lung capacity, her shouts threatening to deafen beau.

the monk smirks, pulls her friend up onto the bench beside her. ‘what was that you were saying about me being scared?’

nott presses a hand to her chest over her heart. thin shoulders lift and fall, chest ballooning with each desperate panting breath she sucks in. ‘i - was wrong,’ she gasps. ‘it’s enormous. it’s a monster! i’m - ack,’ nott pulls a repulsed face, looking for all the world like the mere thought of the words makes her need to scrape her tongue clean of the foul taste of them. she forces herself to go through with it. ‘i’m sorry.’

‘apology accepted.’ beau hunkers down into a crouch. pulls her goggles over her eyes. ‘now,’ she tells nott, ‘we just can’t move until we find it.’

‘and kill it.’

beau mumbles something, bobs her head from side to side.

‘what - what was that? i didn’t quite catch that. you don’t want to kill the giant fucking spider? it’s basically wearing a fur coat, beau. it looks like it killed a rat, skinned it, and made itself a fur coat. probably two, maybe even three rats. i saw true evil in those eyes,’ nott insists, as she tries to climb up onto beau’s shoulders.

‘stop that,’

‘i need a vantage point!’

‘your hands are clammy!’

‘okay, wow, rude,’ nott comments, and makes sure to press her clammy hands hard on beau’s cheeks and neck as she pulls up onto her back. ‘you know it’s a touchy subject for me. although, i guess my hands were clammy even when i was veth...’

‘you’re still veth.’

‘i’m as much veth as that fur coat is a rat,’ nott disagrees. she redirects before beau can respond to that. ‘can you see it?’ the distinctive sound of nott preparing her crossbow clicks in beau’s ear, echoes faintly on the far walls of the kitchen.

‘not yet.’ she does a slow rotation, keeping her eyes wide for any shift, any sign of a long, evil looking leg. she doesn’t see a spider, but her gaze does come to rest on something new—jester, standing in the doorway.

‘are you two...having fun?’ jester looks between them, clearly confused.

beau can understand that. if anyone had asked only a few days earlier who she would like to spend her downtime with, nott would’ve been way at the bottom of that list. not in any mean way, just, someone has to be at the bottom of it, y’know? now however...they’ve confided, they have matching tattoos, nott—despite her horrendous acting ability and predisposition toward blurting out secrets—has kept her secret and been weirdly cool about it. supportive in a way that feels weird and nice and uncomfortable all at once, though that might be because beau isn’t really accustomed to such things. whatever. no big deal.

‘jester, oh god, take anyone but her!’ nott tries to climb further, higher, presses her foot hard onto the side of beau’s face as she climbs. ‘there’s a spider, jessie! be careful! beau is a coward and won’t kill it!’

‘you’re the one climbing on my head.’

‘tomato, tomayto,’

‘ow—fuck—headband, nott, watch the headband!’

there’s a minor scuffle with a loaded crossbow in the mix, and somewhere during it, jester makes her way into the room and drops to her knees. she crawls beneath the table, searching for the spider, and beau watches blue curls tumble down over her neck and shoulders as she peers around for the eight-eyed monstrosity.

‘jes, be careful,’

‘we can sacrifice beau,’ nott whispers in a loud whisper.

jester laughs. pulls out from beneath the table, her two hands folded in a lose hold over something dark and hairy, that reaches a searching leg out from between her blue palms. she stands, smiles brightly at the both.

‘kill it!’ nott shrieks, levels her crossbow at jester’s hands.

‘no, no, hold on! she didn’t do anything wrong,’ beau defends. despite not wanting it dead, she still recoils when jester steps toward them.

nott wavers in place above; threatens jester with bodily harm some more when she moves closer.

‘how about i take her up to the garden?’ jester suggests brightly. ‘i think cad will like it—a guest! she’ll make the garden feel more...homey, i think.’

‘great idea,’ beau agrees. she watches the spider leg reach again and shudders, imagining the feel of it on her own skin.

jester carries the spider away from them and up the stairs. only a few minutes pass before jester is back. nott lights one of her crossbow bolts on fire and makes a sweep of the room. beau, now that she is free, relaxes a fraction.

‘thank you,’ she says, a little sheepishly. ‘i don’t like spiders.’

jester grins, dimples popping. ‘really? i mean, i guessed now but i didn’t know. why not?’

‘i dont know. it hurts like hell to get bitten. stung? bitten. they look weird?’

‘beau,’

‘i don’t have a good reason! i just—theyre scary!’

jester laughs. wipes her hands on her skirt and comes forward to wrap beau in a big hug. ‘don’t worry, i don’t mind them. i’ll save you from the big bad spiders.’

she knows jester is teasing but it still sounds nice.